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982
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What I thought when I read about the face eater in Miami... (2.bp.blogspot.com)

submitted ago by [deleted]

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[–]Ijustderped 61 points62 points ago

As a Floridian...I agree.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]willardfillmore 26 points27 points ago

Nah, dude, it gets crazy when you head out to Northwest Florida. Trust me, I live there. Last year, there was some guy chasing women with a chainsaw. Shit was whack.

This whole state needs to go.

[–]concordefallacy 8 points9 points ago

The panhandle is not Florida. It's a bit of Alabama's rug that Florida stole from under it, just like Orlando is a rotting piece of New York City that fell all the way south...

Fuckin' Orlando. MY PRISON.

[–]maximumcrisis 9 points10 points ago

Ever lived in the panhandle? I used to know people who were honestly proud to live in "Lower Alabama." If you stay in Sandestin or Ft. Walton Beach it's not bad, but go anywhere else west of Tallahassee and you're in for some Deliverance bullshit.

[–]insatiable_c 2 points3 points ago

So true. Oh god, Vernon....shudders

[–]12cats 2 points3 points ago

I live in Pensacola (on the panhandle) and besides a few ordinary South-isms it's like any major city with a beach. Until you drive north to Cantonment and Pace. There were dead cats all along the road. And no other animal. Just dead cats. Not just any road kill. Furry, cuteness, that-looks-like-my-pet roadkill.

Also, when I told a Cantonment-er I was from Chicago, he said "Where?" I said IL and he said "Is that like a state?" I said it was on the great lakes "What lakes? Is that in Alabama?" He was 27.

[–]JackieOrgasm 1 point2 points ago

I have friends that live in Cantonment.

That's it, I'm not here to refute your argument or get offended. Just thought I would share. Don't know why I'm still typing, or why you're still reading. I'll just go now.

[–]onlyforaminute 0 points1 point ago

This has been my favorite comment today

[–]OldOrder 0 points1 point ago

I live in Pensacola and grew up in Pace. Everything this you just said is true. Damn do I love the panhandle.

[–]concordefallacy 2 points3 points ago

I live in Orlando, but I had my family reunion near Ft. Walton -- pretty nice place.

A friend spoke about his creepy run-in with a gas station clerk during his road trip to Texas. He was around somewhere about Crestview or something and the clerk was basically giving him some "it's not safe for your kind to be out at this time of night" bullshit. At the time I dismissed it as a simple anecdote that involved a sad racist trying to scare another dark person, but I sure as hell don't want to go up there to find out myself. :/

I'll gladly stay in the tasteless confines of Mickey Mouse and Conrad Hilton if that means zero danger of being hounded by backwoods bigots.

[–]ronburger 1 point2 points ago

I live in Crestview... so... many... rednecks...

[–]maximumcrisis 1 point2 points ago

At the time I dismissed it as a simple anecdote that involved a sad racist trying to scare another dark person, but I sure as hell don't want to go up there to find out myself.

Having lived in Crestview for about 5 years, I can confirm that you don't want to find out yourself. Racism is still a very, very real thing in Okaloosa County.

[–]saucejar 1 point2 points ago

I was stationed at Eglin for a few years, and you don't even have to travel that far. Head up 85 past Crestucky and it starts.

[–]bouchard 0 points1 point ago

The other mayors said I was daft to build a city in a swamp. I built it all the same, just to show them.

[–]triarii3 4 points5 points ago

i agree. at least save us Orlando. i would like to hide in disney land during a zombie invasion

[–]longhaireddan 10 points11 points ago

Just the tip?

[–]varukasalt 4 points5 points ago

But that's the best part.

[–]tegan456 -1 points0 points ago

your whole thing is the tip.

load more comments (3 replies)

    [–]gentlemandinosaur 0 points1 point ago

    Why? We get to be an island!

    Keeps all those Georgians out.

    Oh, and the 'Bammers' too.

    [–]EbonyMelons 0 points1 point ago

    North Floridian here as well I second

    [–]slashedheart 41 points42 points ago

    Link for the lazy

    [–]nan0s 30 points31 points ago

    The attack next to a busy road on Saturday afternoon has been linked to an LSD-like drug known as "bath salts".

    Thanks for LSD stigma, bbc..

    [–]2funk2drunction 15 points16 points ago

    I want to downvote that quote, but upvote your pointing it out, so here's nothing.

    [–]mrsticknote 6 points7 points ago

    My girlfriend uses bath beads, should I be worried?

    [–]Lilcheeks 5 points6 points ago

    Yea, that shit costs money

    [–]concordefallacy 5 points6 points ago

    Read: "Thanks for LSD stigma, big black cock.."

    [–]dr_rentschler 1 point2 points ago

    intentional

    [–]mulberrybushes 5 points6 points ago

    'A witness said the aggressor continued to eat the victim...'

    I do so love the BBC.

    [–]RattsWoman 5 points6 points ago

    75% of his face was reportedly missing [but we're not really sure, it could have been 50% but anyhow, if you've seen it, please call 1-800-TIPS. There is a reward for its safe return.]

    [–]atg284 0 points1 point ago

    Link for research...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh_nZiuFC4o&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    [–]slashedheart 0 points1 point ago

    Are people actually getting high on bath salt?

    [–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

    Can anyone tell me what the fuck is going on? I live in central Fl and this shit is news to me...

    [–]ultimate52 19 points20 points ago

    A man attacked someone and literally started eating their face and it took 5 gunshots (not sure about that, read the actual article for more accurate details) to kill the face eater. He also wouldn't stop eating the persons face even though they were shooting him...zombies.

    [–]AuDBallBag 6 points7 points ago

    ...dem bath salts.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

    Da fuq? No but seriously. WHAT THE FUCK.

    Where else but Florida.

    [–]hunterv01 2 points3 points ago

    When you are looking it up please bear in mind that the attack had nothing whatsoever to do with LSD. Articles keeping saying he took a new form of LSD (which is completely nonsensical, it is either LSD, or it isn't) but he was actually on "bath salts" so some sort of research chemical, almost certainly a stimulant with nothing to do with LSD.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

    Bath salts are pretty fucked up. I'm majoring in criminology, and we have had lengthy discussions about bath salts, as well as K2; but that's a whole other can of worms.

    [–]onlyforaminute 1 point2 points ago

    Can you open that can?

    [–]creiss74 0 points1 point ago

    Pick up that can.

    [–]fate_torn 6 points7 points ago

    zombies

    [–]eff_bawmb 4 points5 points ago

    Also called crackheads.

    [–]Cloud7654 46 points47 points ago

    Don't worry. Dexter will get him.

    [–]automatos 51 points52 points ago

    Pros: more coastline for Georgia, no more Panama City

    Cons: no longer will the US have a dick shaped state

    [–]jkats14 23 points24 points ago

    If your dick is shaped like that, see a doctor.

    [–]OsamaBeenModdin 7 points8 points ago

    Especially if it has Lake Okeechobee in the middle of it.

    [–]shmalo 2 points3 points ago

    Hole punch!

    [–]OsamaBeenModdin 1 point2 points ago

    You should especially consider seeing a doctor if you can fit your dick into a hole punch.

    [–]DrBix 3 points4 points ago

    Makes it look like we're pissing on Cuba.

    [–]saucejar 2 points3 points ago

    SLEDGE-O-MATIC!

    [–]TheCabage 0 points1 point ago

    Don't worry, we still have New England

    [–]dandello 220 points221 points ago

    Nice OP. Five hours ago someone posted this exact same thing with a similar title, which he stole from the comment section of the original post about the article. proof

    [–]YourMusicalComment 471 points472 points ago

    Nice OP. Five hours ago someone posted this exact same thing with a similar title, which he stole from the comment section of the original post about the article. proof

    [–]goblinpiledriver 99 points100 points ago

    I... what

    please keep doing this. never abandon your novelty account.

    [–]VervetDrunkey 34 points35 points ago

    New favourite novelty account.

    [–]mattinthehat 13 points14 points ago

    This is amazing

    Edit: I have now watched all of your videos.

    [–]YourMusicalComment 12 points13 points ago

    :D!

    [–]Themiffins 14 points15 points ago

    I feel like these are either getting more desperate or more clever with the novelty accounts..

    [–]Pyromaniac605 9 points10 points ago

    Both, this is one of the latter.

    [–]GuessesYourBirthday 1 point2 points ago

    September 22nd

    [–]dandello 19 points20 points ago

    Dude...that was fucking awesome. Thank you.

    [–]monkeyfur69 13 points14 points ago

    Greatest novelty account ever.

    [–]Aperture_Scientist4 4 points5 points ago

    Redditor for 2 days. Over 6,000 Karma. O.o

    [–]ipointoutyouridiocy 5 points6 points ago

    I enjoy your work.

    [–]BurntTheToast -1 points0 points ago

    Your username is relevant and I relevant at the same time.

    [–]0l1vR 6 points7 points ago

    You are my hero <3

    [–]alltwo147 4 points5 points ago

    Watch him as he goes.

    [–]FratDaddy69 4 points5 points ago

    Genius, you get internet points on Reddit and YouTube, now excuse me whilst I watch all of your videos.

    [–]IDlOT 2 points3 points ago

    :[}

    [–]CrabbyMonday 1 point2 points ago

    Eugene Hutz?

    [–]PixelGuyUK 1 point2 points ago

    Oh jesus! I just came over your videos.

    [–]Michael_Pitt 0 points1 point ago

    And eight hours before that it was posted as a comment on this post.

    [–]Bsbear 0 points1 point ago

    I love you. I love you.

    Please. Take my karma.

    [–]Mofeux 0 points1 point ago

    You are truly most excellent! I salute you and offer sandwiches! Please make a best of album that we can buy to support your art!

    [–]YourMusicalComment 2 points3 points ago

    You're awesome, thanks so much!

    [–]rudmad 0 points1 point ago

    That was probably one the best ones. But they're all so fucking good. Thank you for making me laugh my ass off

    [–]Otsuko 0 points1 point ago

    ...and sub'd. I expect great things from this one.

    [–]PJSeeds 0 points1 point ago

    We've found him. The chosen one. He who can finally dethrone Shittywatercolor.

    load more comments (4 replies)

      [–]beanswiggin 10 points11 points ago

      Not everyone is subscribed to r/GIFS.

      [–]suttin 2 points3 points ago

      Thanks for that. I missed the article and was able to find my way to the original through the comments.

      [–]blackjesus75 0 points1 point ago

      This was actually made by a fella named Relex Arc over on NASIOC. REPOSTCEPTION

      [–]pilgrimfood -2 points-1 points ago

      Wow. Really petty. Who gives a shit? People obviously like it, just let it go.

      [–]omniamorous 0 points1 point ago

      It's just a matter of credit where credit is due. I agree with them. If you don't care, it's just a good opportunity to upvote someone else as well for the joke you liked :)

      [–]bluereverend -2 points-1 points ago

      Sorry.

      load more comments (2 replies)

        [–]Stalking_Boo 32 points33 points ago

        As a Miamian that dwells in downtown......nope.

        [–]mrfunktastik 10 points11 points ago

        Only 228 arrests this weekend. Huzzah!

        [–][deleted] ago

        [deleted]

        [–]biggbuckz 0 points1 point ago

        This whole time I have assumed he was white. It's always white people doing the crazy stuff.

        [–]foreveracubone 0 points1 point ago

        Crackheads.

        [–]gentlemandinosaur 0 points1 point ago

        Its not called that. Its "Urban Weekend" or "HopHop Weekend"

        Just saying. You of course have every right to call it whatever you want. Just thought I would point it out, because people might make initial judgement about you. If you care about that sort of thing.

        [–]Dukelicious 1 point2 points ago

        You are technically correct, but is it really a nit worth picking? It's not like he just came up with that name because he saw a lot of black people, it's the name of the organizers. Black Beach Week presents: THE 13TH ANNUAL URBAN BEACH WEEK 2012

        [–]gentlemandinosaur 1 point2 points ago

        The best kind of correct?

        I see, I concede that this is indeed true.

        [–]Libertarian-Centrist 0 points1 point ago

        Amazing use of "nope"!

        [–]kurato 1 point2 points ago

        higher quality and no senior gif tag

        [–]Bokthand 0 points1 point ago

        Never seen that before, great gif

        [–]ST1LL_AL1V3 7 points8 points ago

        I hear Madagascar just closed their ship ports.

        [–]grobicheau 2 points3 points ago

        Fuck them and Greenland. Why can't they just drink the cool-aid with everybody else?

        [–]jessiedrm 3 points4 points ago

        shouldve been done a long time ago

        [–]kavorka2 5 points6 points ago

        Nuke it from orbit, just to be sure

        [–]ArcticBro 2 points3 points ago

        I did that back in my mind back in 2000.

        [–]sashimi_taco 5 points6 points ago

        There was a guy in rochester, new your who ate labia of the women he killed. What are we suddenly going to cut off all the states with people eaters? Because i'm going to have to tell you that would leave us with no states.

        [–]axtolip 10 points11 points ago

        This again?

        [–]bluereverend -1 points0 points ago

        Didn't know it was already here. Sorry.

        [–]life_gave_me_leptons 2 points3 points ago

        As a Floridian who would like to visit Cuba by automobile, I support this movement.

        [–]pryme 2 points3 points ago

        No one ever bring ups having the Loony Toons on your side during zombie apocalypse conversations.

        [–]stringerbell 2 points3 points ago

        I think you forgot the other Red states...

        [–]badger_the 2 points3 points ago

        We should have expected the Zombie Apocalypse to begin in Florida

        [–]all_knowing_fish 1 point2 points ago

        But all the old people...

        [–]duiker101 1 point2 points ago

        as an uk person, mind giving some context?

        [–]mrfunktastik 1 point2 points ago

        I was at a [7] when I read that - and I live 5 blocks from where that happened. Doors were locked with gusto

        [–]Shalmander 2 points3 points ago

        I can't decide if it's better to be at the center of the zombie epicdemic or on the outskirts when it happens.

        If you're at ground zero when it happens, the chance of being randomly tagged is extremely high during the confusion. The benefit of surviving is that there will be an abundance of supplies for the survivors.

        Being a thousand miles away buys only acouple of days, but I wonder how great that will increase your chances of being killed by another person over supplies.

        [–]MadamPalindrome 1 point2 points ago

        I know it's been said, but mark your cross-posts. http://redd.it/uabdz

        [–]bluereverend 0 points1 point ago

        I didn't post the original, which I am now very aware of the fact...

        [–]skeeterou 1 point2 points ago

        If you look closely, you can see him raise him arms in victory as Florida floats away. I lol'd.

        [–]dclowd9901 1 point2 points ago

        And nothing was lost.

        [–]FlutterDash00 1 point2 points ago

        Starling, we have a new lead on Lecter's whereabouts.

        [–]username0120 1 point2 points ago

        Bath salts ARE NOTHING LIKE LSD. I would compare them to cocaine or ecstasy.

        [–]hyperion2011 1 point2 points ago

        Well, I've always thought we should just sell the whole thing back to Spain and be done with it.

        [–]nrfx 1 point2 points ago

        There is a reason FARK had a separate Florida tag..

        [–]HarveySpecter 5 points6 points ago

        Now can we do this for Arizona too?

        [–]OperationJack 0 points1 point ago

        I've always been a fan of turning Kansas into a giant lake.

        [–]TheBigEmpty 11 points12 points ago

        Kansas born living in Phoenix right now, fuck you both.

        [–]OperationJack 0 points1 point ago

        I've been to Phoenix and a few other places in Arizona and had a great time. Kansas on the other hand... I've been to Kansas, driven through it, stayed in it. There's NOTHING in Kansas. To do or to see. Driving through my highlight was almost being hit by a tornado. Besides that there was nothing to do, nor see. It sucks.

        [–]TheBigEmpty -1 points0 points ago

        You've gotta be from there to know whats up. Dive bars, soul food for days, a fat chunk of our nations agriculture, and some damn good people. check yourself fool.

        [–]RumJack -3 points-2 points ago

        From Arizona here born and raised, just wondering whats so wrong with us? Its summer 75% of the time here, other 25% being hell though. I mean yeah we got a rough police force, and kind of a huge drug trafficking problem, but this is why we have our gun laws the way we do. Welcome to the Wild West. Only those who can't handle it, don't love it. Besides if we leave were taking our tea with us.

        [–]TheWhiteCrayon 3 points4 points ago

        As an Arizonan, it saddened me to no end when I found out that Arizona Iced Tea is based in New York.

        [–]RumJack 1 point2 points ago

        That's mildly upsetting...

        [–]WhatTheFlux1 1 point2 points ago

        Yeah I'm from North Carolina and I see nothing wrong with Arizona. Lately I'd rather have my own state nuked from orbit.

        [–]HarveySpecter 0 points1 point ago

        Every time I turn around Arizona is in the news for something bizarre: http://news.bostonherald.com/news/national/southwest/view/20120524arizona_official_apologizes_for_obama_birth_verification_request/srvc=home&position=recent

        This is only one example. Maybe it's just the elected officials that are wacko(much like every other state).

        [–]alltwo147 -1 points0 points ago

        from Arizona here I was born and raised

        Shit, I was hoping you were gonna go Fresh Prince.

        [–]RumJack 1 point2 points ago

        Nope, but I would love to see one done based on Arizona.

        [–]EquinsuOcha 3 points4 points ago

        As a voter in Florida, I feel the same way.

        [–]invn_worker 1 point2 points ago

        We will keep the Miami Heat though please thanks!

        [–]Hoffman5982 1 point2 points ago

        Jeffrey Dahmer was from Wisconsin and did a lot more than eat part of a man's face. Should we get rid of that state and every other state where some crazy psycho lived as well? After all that, there would be nothing left.

        [–]theDalaiSputnik 1 point2 points ago

        Florida's been asking for it for a while. This coming from an ex-Floridian.

        [–]Hoffman5982 1 point2 points ago

        I've only live in Florida for a few months and am leaving soon, but I still think it's stupid. You do realize how many crazy people come from other states right?

        [–]Vromrig 0 points1 point ago

        If Jeffrey Dahmer were a zombie, just like this man clearly is, then yes, we should have.

        Though I do want to point out the hilarious fact that people in this thread are so intolerant that they'd rather live with cannibals than people who vote differently than them.

        [–]Hoffman5982 0 points1 point ago

        If this guy were a zombie then I'd agree

        [–]Vromrig 0 points1 point ago

        I think he is and the only escape will be in Jimmy Gibbs Jr.'s car.

        [–]bluereverend 2 points3 points ago

        I like how ever single comment I post gets downvoted because the hive mind now is convinced I intentionally reposted this.

        [–]etishuman21 1 point2 points ago

        Have an upvote.

        [–]bluereverend -2 points-1 points ago

        Thanks. and one for you

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

        I thought that this was about the upcoming voting failure in Florida.

        [–]ipointoutyouridiocy 0 points1 point ago

        This was on the news today here in England, and we never get any of your local news items.

        That's some messed up shit. You're going to have to send us more videos of latin porn and beaches to fix the impact on tourism.

        [–]oh_the_humidity 0 points1 point ago

        You mean how birdsvsworms thought 13 hours ago?

        [–]bluereverend 0 points1 point ago

        Yeah. Apparently we think alike...kind of like everyone in this thread...

        [–]sikhhunter 0 points1 point ago

        http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/uabdz/after_readingseeing_the_crazy_pcp_homeless_man/

        [–]m19z95k 0 points1 point ago

        This is what I thought about.

        [–]SkateboardG 0 points1 point ago

        I think we're ignoring a much larger issue here - Gay Zombies. They're just like normal zombies but they're better shape.

        [–]l4d4d4d 0 points1 point ago

        Did I miss something?

        [–]AmazingIsTired 0 points1 point ago

        FL is the only place I've seen people use the shoulder as an additional lane to not just pass, but pass multiple cars at a time.

        [–]Fishtacoburrito 0 points1 point ago

        Los Angeles isn't safe either thanks to Big Lurch.

        [–]Loose_Lipped_Control 0 points1 point ago

        Since when does Florida have a hole? That's especially scarring with the penis imagery...

        [–]DarthNihilus1 0 points1 point ago

        No more cases of 'electile dysfunction' without florida!

        [–]GodzillaDeathFart 0 points1 point ago

        How a about just making Miami an island? Tampa has done nothing...

        [–]coottenhimer 0 points1 point ago

        Fuck that, bring on the plague! I'm prepared.

        [–]junoh 0 points1 point ago

        i moved to florida from connecticut a few months ago. really bad timing.

        [–]saucejar 0 points1 point ago

        Having moved from Tennessee to Miami just last week, I am now at the center of the zombie apocalypse.

        [–]xNeenah 0 points1 point ago

        We can just take Florida, and PUSH it somewhere else!

        [–]Michael_Pitt 0 points1 point ago

        Fourteen hours ago this was posted as a comment on this post. Eight hours later it was reposted here. 3 hours ago it was reposted again, 5 hours after the first repost, and is the most successful post. Congrats OP.

        [–]4chans_for_pussies 0 points1 point ago

        Damn, first the cheating ballots, then the Martin murder, and now this? Florida sucks.

        [–]dillonflynn 0 points1 point ago

        Man, half of the fucked up news comes out of that state. Good Floriddance.

        [–]Dr_Bananas -2 points-1 points ago

        OP, you are a cock.

        http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/uabdz/after_readingseeing_the_crazy_pcp_homeless_man/

        [–]bluereverend -1 points0 points ago

        Dr. Bananas, you are jumping to conclusions that I knew about this post before I posted the gif.

        [–]wiffleball_lgnd 2 points3 points ago

        http://danceswithfat.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/jump-to-conclusions-mat.jpg

        [–][deleted] ago

        [deleted]

        [–]bluereverend -1 points0 points ago

        It's the truth. And had anyone been slightly civilized about it and just nicely mentioned this existed before jumping down my throat about it and assuming I'm some Karma Whoring asshole, I would have taken it down by now. But since everyone seems to be convinced I'm Karma Whoring, I might as well do just that.

        [–]srock456 -5 points-4 points ago

        RE-POST, RE-POST I SPOT A RE-POST

        [–]exdevlin -2 points-1 points ago

        I'm sure I'm not the only one who just saw Bugs Bunny sawing off a dick.

        [–][deleted] ago

        [deleted]

        load more comments (8 replies)

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