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1209
1210

This is all I can think whenever I see an r/gonewild post titled, "Who wants to Fuck Me?" (files.myopera.com)

submitted ago by Apollo908

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[–]GGz0r 230 points231 points ago

Do you want more? I'll post more if i get a good response?

I appreciate the sentiment ladies but you aren't fucking witty. Also the guys who are like trying to hit on them in the comments, sigh... I just shake my head.

[–]spacemanspiff30 30 points31 points ago

But, she's female and posted naked pictures. What else could she want than my pasty squishy body nestled against hers.

[–]CBod 93 points94 points ago

But what if it works. What if out of all the hundreds, no thousands of pathetic failed attempts it works. Sure you took her to McDonald's and think you might have herpes now but it was a date by god! And what is there to lose? A little bit of online dignity and that's what throwaways are for.

[–]LessLikeYou 34 points35 points ago

And just like that CBod became 'Eternal Optimist'

[–]stillalone 15 points16 points ago

until he got herpes.

[–]jared030858 2 points3 points ago

Then he became a Genitally Fucked Optimist

[–]starbuxed 15 points16 points ago

do it on your main account...throwaways are for the weak.

[–]Seanjohn2800 1 point2 points ago

That's how the karmic natural selection works. With separate baskets, each one is weaker. Throwayays and novelties won't last more than a few generations.

[–]starbuxed 0 points1 point ago

unless you are saying thing that you want to remain separate from your main account because of real life backlash.

[–]Tyaedalis 0 points1 point ago

It's like playing hardcore on D3.

[–]Napasaurus 24 points25 points ago

HA! You presume we have dignity to begin with.

[–]Tahj42 5 points6 points ago

>implying online dignity is worth anything.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]CBod 0 points1 point ago

It's plausible but I don't honestly think it could work. Sarcasm just doesn't travel well through the internet.

[–]firesquasher 4 points5 points ago

Always wanted to make a comic regarding this. My fear of torrential down voting that would ensue kept me from it. Complaining about women posting nude photos because they have to try to post some "anyone wanna join me?" bs just doesnt seem worth scaring away the exhibitionists.

[–]finallymadeanaccount 3 points4 points ago

But they're new here and it's their first time and they're a little nervous so be nice.

[–]tiyx 2 points3 points ago

To be honest I have never looked at the comments of r/gonewild post.

[–]ajwakeman 3 points4 points ago

I just shake my head.

And we all know which head you are referring to...

[–]wutanggrenade 1 point2 points ago

1 word........ neckbeards

[–]Battletooth 63 points64 points ago

I CAN HEAR HIM SCREAMING THROUGH THE GIF! IT'S IN MY HEAD AND I CAN'T TURN OFF THE VOLUME!

[–]Lord_Nuke 12 points13 points ago

Me too, and I haven't ever seen/heard the original video.

[–]CoolBowtie 12 points13 points ago

The original is amazing! One of my favourite films by far.
EDIT: The movie is Leon the Professional, for those who asked.

[–]surger1 7 points8 points ago

Why do you do this? What possessed you to write that out. Go so far as to tell us it's your favourite and amazing. But you don't tell us what it is?

[–]CoolBowtie 3 points4 points ago

There are about twenty posts saying it's from Leon the Professional.

[–]Zatoro25 2 points3 points ago

Due to the voting system, your reply might be the highest reference to the movie on the page. It was when I came to the comments, and I'm here just to find out what movie it was.

[–]CoolBowtie 1 point2 points ago

So it is. When I made the first post, it was near the bottom.

[–]notabumblebee44283 1 point2 points ago

OMG OMG! I thought it was from that but I wasn't sure why and kept thinking I was wrong.

[–]vodkaknight 1 point2 points ago

it looks so familiar what movie is it?

[–]R3divid3r 3 points4 points ago

What is he saying?

[–]Battletooth 7 points8 points ago

HEAVY WINE!!

[–]Lurker187 1 point2 points ago

I've heard the scream before, so now I can hear it every time.

[–]ruthi 1 point2 points ago

His face goes through at least 4 different emotions in just one word. Gary Oldman FTW

[–]DoctorKeefe 0 points1 point ago

It's somewhat loud-ish, right?

[–]usualghost 21 points22 points ago

"Who wants to [F]uck me?"

Be gentle

[–]msandbot 318 points319 points ago

Everyone [Fixed]

[–]Apollo908[S] 148 points149 points ago

I've seen this a few times. Still freaks me the fuck out.

[–]msandbot 163 points164 points ago

my favorite part is that his eyebrows look like small mustaches

[–][deleted] 69 points70 points ago

Rewatched. Now it's even cooler.

[–]fleshlightchronicles 23 points24 points ago

I can't unhear this.

[–]kaltorak 19 points20 points ago

Sandman movie, with Oldman as The Corinthian. NOW!

[–]ruffus4life 8 points9 points ago

jizzy chirsto

[–]TarantusaurusRex 21 points22 points ago

What this reminded me of.

[–]Darth_Tard 2 points3 points ago

AAAAHHHHaaaahhhh....ok, ok I'm good now.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Trolls-Gone-Wild 0 points1 point ago

You are not a /b/tard if this made you what the fuck.

[–]YoureMyBoyBloo 1 point2 points ago

More like eyevryone!

[–]PixelGuyUK 0 points1 point ago

Fuck!

[–]whackensack 0 points1 point ago

came to post this. oh well.

[–]Hurricane_Michael 49 points50 points ago

Hahaha is perfect, plus one for Leon: The Professional!

[–]enormousl 16 points17 points ago

Best.Movie.Ever.

[–]Battletooth 9 points10 points ago

His ring trick is the only trick that is more badass than the disappearing pencil.

[–]ASlyGuy 2 points3 points ago

For real, this is the movie that made me fall in love with Gary Oldman.

I am a straight male.

And I am so very confused.

[–]zombiebunnie 2 points3 points ago

So creepy though with Natalie Portman... That awkwardness made me never watch it again... it also is one of the reasons why it's such an awesome movie. Kind of like Down in the Valley.

[–]enormousl 2 points3 points ago

I see what your saying about the creepiness... there is the awkward scene where she plays dress up for him. I think its more of a father daughter relationship, the moral of the story is that they are two lonely people who made a great duo, regardless of age.

[–]danny841 7 points8 points ago

Natalie Portman is sexy in that movie.

[–]CALEBr16 43 points44 points ago

thats funny cause shes like 12...

[–]danny841 10 points11 points ago

Before everyone gets up in arms about my comment lets play a game.

http://cliff-07.xanga.com/photos/e3d9a226397738/

If you had no idea about her age beforehand, how old would you say she is in this picture? Also would you say she's physically attractive?

[–]zombiebunnie 5 points6 points ago

Better question, WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THAT FUCKING WEBSITE? IMGUR MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU KNOW IT?!

[–]Lurker187 5 points6 points ago

Could be anywhere from 13-16 imo. Maybe even a bit more. Yes, she's physically attractive. But she's way more attractive now.

[–]unsubscribeFROM 24 points25 points ago

Dude don't defend it. Bury that shit like an Oedipus complex

[–]Slaidn 9 points10 points ago

Complexion? Seriously? Just stop.

[–]unsubscribeFROM 1 point2 points ago

yeah that was dumb. Edited now. I knew what I meant, which one is obviously correct but my mind is pretty badly organised so I'm a little careless in simple things

[–]danny841 11 points12 points ago

ITT: we don't admit that guys pretty much like girls who have the bodies of 12 year olds but are biologically 18 and up? I'm looking at you Little Lupe fans ಠ_ಠ

But anyway I don't think I'm being sexual necessarily. The director obviously had intentions by dressing her in a choker, short shorts and giving her a bob haircut like a classic pinup girl. The idea being that she was supposed to be acting older than her age. She is still only a child, much like Leon. But they act out in different ways. She wears provocative stuff and makes reference to being his lover. He...kills people. So yeah the director's intention was to dress her up like a classically sexy woman but with the mind of a kid.

[–]Samuel_Gompers 1 point2 points ago

The director obviously had intentions by dressing her in a choker, short shorts and giving her a bob haircut like a classic pinup girl. The idea being that she was supposed to be acting older than her age.

Watch more French films. This is not an uncommon trope.

[–]danny841 3 points4 points ago

I know that the lolita trope is popular. But its very unpopular here in America where people like to accuse others of being pedophiles for liking even 16 year olds.

[–]Poopontheshose 2 points3 points ago

TIL xanga was still around.

[–]too_many_penises 2 points3 points ago

12 year olds man.

[–]cliffhanger1 2 points3 points ago

Ya ever look at that pic and think she has a really thick dready bush. And shes sitting in the window being depressed about her rastafarian pubes?

[–]CastorTab 1 point2 points ago

16... at the most.

[–]Breathing_Balls 1 point2 points ago

I'm still outta here.

[–]colarg -2 points-1 points ago

I had no idea about her age when i saw the movie and still saw that she was a kid well under 13. Really, get help.

[–]danny841 3 points4 points ago

Black or white I think theres one thing we can agree on: smoking weed is awesome.

[–]spurrier458 6 points7 points ago

Pedobear is on reddit?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Breathing_Balls -1 points0 points ago

I'm outta here.

[–]giottomkd 0 points1 point ago

ok what happened?

[–]mishagale 0 points1 point ago

I dunno, but she acted a lot better than she has done since.

[–]BezziVelinov 9 points10 points ago

I think I flailed a little like Kermit as I laughed.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]richard_photograph 9 points10 points ago

id rather have screaming gary oldman fuck me...just the once though

[–]joshy1234 6 points7 points ago

A screaming Gay Old Man?

[–]richard_photograph 16 points17 points ago

better than "my boyfriend left me...so heres an up close shot of my asshole"

[–]PleaseDontStalkMe 8 points9 points ago

Or this.

[–]milleniummanp7 25 points26 points ago

Hahahahah same bro! They'd be as well asking "Who wants $20,000?"

[–]Apollo908[S] 61 points62 points ago

"Does anyone here like breathing?"

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 35 points36 points ago

I do I breathe all the time

[–]MrDribbles 16 points17 points ago

Lucky you, there's kids who would die to be able to breathe all the time.

[–]SuddenXxdeathxx 9 points10 points ago

I'm going to go hang myself for laughing at that.

[–]MrDribbles 5 points6 points ago

Some familys can't even afford the rope to hang them selves.

[–]SuddenXxdeathxx 3 points4 points ago

That was even more depressing then the last one.

[–]MrDribbles 1 point2 points ago

Yeah the first one was kind of sillyish, that last one was pretty damn dark.

[–]Hallc 1 point2 points ago

I've been breathing for almost 21 years, I would like to think I'm a professional at it.

[–]FuckYeahPeanutButter 1 point2 points ago

And now you are breathing manually. You are also aware of the position of your tongue.
EDIT: sometimes I'm stupid...

[–]Fangs78 7 points8 points ago

It's supposed to be :"Breathing manually."

...

and position of your penis.

[–]FuckYeahPeanutButter 2 points3 points ago

After I posted this, I was interrupted, and then I remembered...

[–]Kyman111 2 points3 points ago

i'm fucking your peanut butter

i fucking nuts

[–]wimpykid 2 points3 points ago

Awesome, now I'm manually breathing.

[–]richard_photograph 0 points1 point ago

"do you like music?"

[–]troublemaker101 31 points32 points ago

This is what I think of

[–]Lampmonster1 9 points10 points ago

And that young man grew up to be....

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0505971/

[–]ASlyGuy 2 points3 points ago

This is awesome.

[–]notabumblebee44283 2 points3 points ago

Went to the same (tiny) college as him!

[–]troublemaker101 0 points1 point ago

I'll never watch Monk the same way again.

[–]Ryanair 3 points4 points ago

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me" - Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

I'd NEVER have thought that.

[–]zip_000 4 points5 points ago

Same here. I'm glad you posted it because I didn't want to have to try to dig it up while at work!

[–]successadult 2 points3 points ago

Goodbye horrrseesssss

[–]Zeeboon 12 points13 points ago

I have no fucking idea what he's saying..

[–]YawnSpawner 11 points12 points ago

Everyone.

[–]StevenXC 0 points1 point ago

Thank you. Although Leon the Professional has been recommended to me often enough that I probably should see it myself.

[–]leggy-blonde 5 points6 points ago

Here's the vid.

It's from this movie. Check it out.

[–]Idiotank 6 points7 points ago

Okay I may not be a professional lip reader but what does him saying "Obi Wan" have to do with fucking someone?

[–]JohnKeel 1 point2 points ago

The one in this post is faster and makes it easier to understand.

[–]thelandsman55 1 point2 points ago

And now I have clicked on that link twice, sanity -1

[–]pfennigweise 17 points18 points ago

Dammit man I went a solid month without r/gonewild

[–]adarvesh0 7 points8 points ago

But you still went on with nsfw_gifs. I see you, i know what you‘re thinking...

[–]ApolloXLII 0 points1 point ago

but nsfw_gifs is the best /r/!

[–]mccscott 4 points5 points ago

I've always wondered ..What the hell are those magical pills,and where do i find some

[–]Sheldy13 2 points3 points ago

Before I read in here what he was saying using my bad lip reading skills I was assuming he was screaming: "OW! Fu-Won!

[–]sebouh 2 points3 points ago

for those of you who couldn't tell he said "everyone"

[–]Mass_Impact 7 points8 points ago

Is it bad or normal reaction to find a lot of gonewild girls to be incredible attention whores? Regardless of if you find them attractive or not (Because a percentage posting are definitely attractive), you do not want to point out how obvious the attention whoring is so you won't ruin it for those with low self esteem who actually could use the morale boost?

[–]marginwalkers 2 points3 points ago

To post on gonewild is the definition of looking for attention.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

GW poster here... Yes. We are attention whores and we know it. But like you said, pointing that out ruins it. I can guarantee you that 95% of the girls that post do so because their self-esteem is low, and you have no idea how much those comments boost you. It sounds crazy, but hey, that's the mind of a girl for you. Because in the midst of the creepy comments, there are just plain out sweet compliments that really make me feel good about myself. (Even though, yes,I do realize they only say these things so I post more boobs.)

TL;DR: We're attention whores and we accept that.

Edit: grammar.

[–]ButterMyBiscuit 1 point2 points ago

After one or two posts you'd have all the affirmation you need. I MAY OR MAY NOT have clicked on your post history. There's no way you honestly believe you're unattractive. It goes beyond low self-esteem. :/

[–]Seyla 0 points1 point ago

You are assuming she has low self-esteem because she thinks she's unattractive

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

But it gets addicting. It's an easy way to perk up a bad day.

[–]ButterMyBiscuit 0 points1 point ago

I guess I can understand. I'm not judging, I guess I could see myself camwhoring if I was a hot girl. :/

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

It really is part of the fucked up female mind. Hard to explain.

[–]vdigi6 6 points7 points ago

You stole this idea from me. I posted the youtube link in the actual gonewild posts. I hate you.

[–]giottomkd 1 point2 points ago

really?

[–]vdigi6 1 point2 points ago

Yes.

[–]TheFAJ 5 points6 points ago

I can never downvote this gif.

[–]ASlyGuy 1 point2 points ago

One can never downvote Gary Fuckin' Oldman.

[–]lth5015 1 point2 points ago

Assuming it's made its way to the frontpage, yes.

[–]fluffizilla 1 point2 points ago

slow clap

[–]ClearlyDoesntGetIt 1 point2 points ago

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard"

[–]TheAdamantArchvile 1 point2 points ago

"Get me everyone." "Everyone, sir?" "EVERYONE!" Good film. Funny to think the same man who played Leon also played Le Frog in Flushed Away.

[–]yyx9 1 point2 points ago

Heard this one on Reddit; "Rated E for EVERYONE."

[–]Mikey-2-Guns 1 point2 points ago

What do you mean everyone?

[–]Vitto9 1 point2 points ago

Upvotes for anything with Gary Oldman.

[–]CajunPenguin 0 points1 point ago

I love that movie so god damn much and I wish gary oldman was younger so whenn I make super awesome hollywood movies he can do more crazy people roles in them

[–]BonJarber 0 points1 point ago

This is weird.

[–]Veeoh 0 points1 point ago

How...how can I hear his voice. Freaky.

[–]Epicfacenotyou 0 points1 point ago

This is a repost but because it's so dam funny you get an up vote

[–]Vinc3ntPh4m 0 points1 point ago

Where is this from and what is he replying to?

[–]CoolBowtie 1 point2 points ago

Leon the Professional. He told one of the subordinate officers to call in backup, when the other guy asks who to call in, he responds by yelling "EVERYONE"!

[–]IzziTheEpic 0 points1 point ago

Lack for Hawaii.

[–]psidancer 0 points1 point ago

EVVV-RYYYY-JUAAANNNNnnnnn(uh)

[–]Lynch117 0 points1 point ago

This gif is really weird if you watch it while blasting Deuces "Let's get it Crackin'"

[–]asldkfououhe 0 points1 point ago

benny was a ny fireman who died trying to rescue people during that whole 9/11 fracas

benny is who gary oldman is talking to here. the character's name is benny

see look http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0321798/

[–]Brotkrumen 0 points1 point ago

I dont know who this person HAAVE-AH-HOOOOOORE-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE is and why you think of him.

[–]TrindadeDisciple 0 points1 point ago

That movie taught me that my dream of having a paintball sniper rifle may yet come true.

[–]DontScuffMyNikesBrah 0 points1 point ago

Great movie!

[–]Nerdinplainsight 0 points1 point ago

Epic. Simply epic.

[–]WeMustDissent 0 points1 point ago

Upvote for awesome movie sampling. . .

[–]RowbyTheSheeth 0 points1 point ago

I swear I can hear him...

[–]Grandmaofhurt 0 points1 point ago

All I can think is, More proof of how distant some fathers can be.

[–]lalondtm 0 points1 point ago

except more often than not, I'd rather pass

[–]Masonmelillo 0 points1 point ago

Oh, leon...

[–]reeru 0 points1 point ago

....im going to re-watch the professional now.

[–]CALEBr16 0 points1 point ago

thats what happens when you disturb him from his music

[–]ASlyGuy -1 points0 points ago

Perhaps he's just sick of all this mickey mouse bullshit.

[–]rychild -2 points-1 points ago

I UPVOTED THIS SO HARD!

[–]darharrison -1 points0 points ago

I think Cross does it pretty well too.

[–]Matuku -1 points0 points ago

For those who can't tell he's saying "Everyone".

It took me a while to actually work out what he's saying cos it's slowed down. Then I noticed the gif name :p

[–]Ghitit -1 points0 points ago

It looks as if he's saying: I'hm fuuckin' hornnnn-ey

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