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top 200 commentsshow all 216

[–]Birthday_Tax 133 points134 points ago

FALSE. I'm freezing my bloody tits off right now.

[–]Precious_Zest 33 points34 points ago

I know that feel, it's bloody cold in Sydney right now.

[–]Nightlight10 8 points9 points ago

It's colder here in Dubbo

[–]TimAus 10 points11 points ago

And colder than both here in Canberra.

[–]jared030858 14 points15 points ago

Really? It's pretty warm here, in Antarctica

[–]pentax 2 points3 points ago

I'm literally wearing 4 pairs of socks on the East coast of NSW.

[–]ladybetty 4 points5 points ago

All of you need to man the fuck up and learn to winter.

[–]Kizaing 4 points5 points ago

As a Canadian I agree with that statement

[–]3065462 1 point2 points ago

and colder than all of them in Goulburn.

[–]khoulle 0 points1 point ago

Damn right mate, freezing my ass off in my unit. Also, excited to find another Dubbo redditor!

[–]Nightlight10 0 points1 point ago

Hi! Actually, I'm just a Brisbaner checking out your zoo. But I'd be keen for a drink with a local next time I'm down this way.

[–]khoulle 0 points1 point ago

Mate, that sounds pretty good to me.

[–]JTuck95 10 points11 points ago

As a Queenslander I have to ask, how does 7 years in a row sound?

[–]CorporatePsychopath 16 points17 points ago

As a Queenslander I have to ask, how does 7 years in a row sound?

Like someone from Sydney broke a mirror in 2005?

[–]Sarah415 6 points7 points ago

It's an annual interstate rugby competition called "State of origin", in which representative teams from QLD and NSW play best of 3 games. QLD have won the last 7 (Edit: 6) years. It's great fun, the whole country gets in on it.

[–]sweet-brah 5 points6 points ago

QLD have won the last 7 years.

the last 6 years. FTFY

[–]Precious_Zest 2 points3 points ago

Mmmhmm. If anything, just another excuse to get pissed with some mates at the pub.

[–]Matti_Matti_Matti -1 points0 points ago

Why leave the comfort of your own bed?

[–]opterionianiaco 14 points15 points ago

Cause it's weird watching the footy in bed with a bunch of drunk cunts.

[–]cobaus 0 points1 point ago

I wouldn't say the whole country... But definitely the states that count :P

[–]Kriztov -1 points0 points ago

Yeah, if you enjoy a good game of throwback.

[–]thislittlemonkey 11 points12 points ago

As a South Australian...you're all going to judge me ahead of time, so I won't say anything.

[–]JTuck95 9 points10 points ago

Hahahahahahahaha silly South Australian!!!

[–]Kristyyyyyyy 45 points46 points ago

Feels rather downvotey.

[–]JTuck95 8 points9 points ago

Yes, it does. I should have know better.

[–]vforbatman 19 points20 points ago

As a New South Welshman that lives in QLD, I must say that this question is asked way too often, but it still makes me sad and angry every time I hear it.

[–]xcalibur866 16 points17 points ago

As a Texan, I ain't got no idea what you ferners a talkin' 'bout.

[–]gangstabunniez 2 points3 points ago

As a Wisconsinite I know that the weather is more random than a pregnant girls emotions.

[–]wiz3n 4 points5 points ago

As a Canadian, what's going on, eh?

[–]youdontevenner 0 points1 point ago

Wisconsin weather is straight up bipolar.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Just stick to electrocutin' retards and blacks...

[–]AzurousRain 2 points3 points ago

Queensland has beaten New South Wales in the State of Origin six times, and this year will be the seventh.

[–]MusicNotesAndOctopie 2 points3 points ago

It's Oregon you fuckin' weird speakin' tie wearin' bunch o' forners! WE IN 'MURRRRICA HERE. WAL-MART! FUCK YEAH!

[–]Phased 6 points7 points ago

I met ma' third wife at Wal-mart.

[–]MusicNotesAndOctopie 2 points3 points ago

She was your sister!

[–]Fork-H 0 points1 point ago

Amen brutha yeehaw boy howdy

[–]momomjr 3 points4 points ago

To a WA born-and-raised: sounds like no fucks being given.

[–]_Meece_ 2 points3 points ago

Fuck you toad! We'll win next game...hopefully.

[–]JTuck95 0 points1 point ago

You're making me cry with laughter

[–]_Meece_ 2 points3 points ago

[–]lcplholt 0 points1 point ago

Im preparing for the 7th year. Everyone will be crying

[–]sambalam29 0 points1 point ago

As a New South Welshman, at a certain point it's just like you're walking around a bunch of wheelchair-bound people going "Check out my legs".

[–]CrayolaS7 0 points1 point ago

As a Sydneysider who looks down on Rugby League, I couldn't care less mate. Union is a much better game, though the reds are beating us in the Super XV, too.

[–]han-sh0t-first 0 points1 point ago

As a Victorian... who gives a fuck about State of origin? Seriously.

[–]JTuck95 1 point2 points ago

Everyone!

[–]MaxwellTheChicken 0 points1 point ago

I'm sweating in Virginia.

[–]heroman44 5 points6 points ago

I love it when Melbourne is like this! (Assuming you to are in Melbourne as it is cold enough to freeze your tits off)

[–]BL3U 9 points10 points ago

It's not cold in Melbourne right now! Oh right, yes it is. Wait, now it's warm again...

[–]JTuck95 4 points5 points ago

I am in far north Queensland and I am freezing my nuts off! It's bloody cold up here.

[–]Nitrogenica 5 points6 points ago

What the fuck are all you wankers complaining about? Come to Tasmania. Aside from shithole Canberra sometimes, this is the tit-freezing capital.

[–]JTuck95 7 points8 points ago

I am sure you have your sister to keep you warm all night ಠ_ಠ

[–]Nitrogenica 5 points6 points ago

her other head gets in the way too much.

[–]iwishiwereyou 1 point2 points ago

What? How far north? It is brisk in Airlie Beach and was just pleasantly toasty in Cairns when I left yesterday...

[–]JTuck95 1 point2 points ago

Innisfail. I have lived here for 3 years so maybe I am just climatized to the heat.

[–]iwishiwereyou 1 point2 points ago

I think you are, though it may have gotten way chilly since I moved on.

This is some good Reddit we're doing here with the regional weather!

[–]CrayolaS7 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, but what is cold for you? Below 23? In Sydney I consider it a cold day if it never passes 20, and a cold night if it's below 10.

[–]TheInternetHivemind 0 points1 point ago

As a Minnesotan I find this cute.

[–]4364568 1 point2 points ago

It describes my feelings about what is cold, but in fahrenheit.

[–]TheInternetHivemind 1 point2 points ago

Yup. 10o fahrenheit is light jacket weather around here.

What...what was that?

All-American-Bot? What are you doing in my house?

No...put down the gun. No...NOOOO!

For our friends outside America 10o F -> -12.22o C. YEEHAW!

[–]JTuck95 0 points1 point ago

around 18 at night is cold

[–]CrayolaS7 0 points1 point ago

See 18 is wearing something more than a tshirt, but not a thick coat. When I was in the UK last year, oop north, people would be wearing tshirts as long as it was above 12 or so :/

[–]Kireas 0 points1 point ago

Speaking as a Brit, bloody hell, how do you sleep in that heat?

[–]StinkyGrogan69 2 points3 points ago

I have a team of man-eating spiders and boxing kangaroos that wave fans made of gumtree leaves at me to keep me cool.

[–]MrTiberious 0 points1 point ago

I am freezing my tits off in Cairns as of now, I am using my aircon as a heater.... :'(

[–]arcade_13 0 points1 point ago

I've heard setting things on fire helps create heat.

[–]MrTiberious 1 point2 points ago

Unfortunately for me fire places are none-existent up here and I live in a Queenslander which is completely made of wood. for reference

[–]arcade_13 0 points1 point ago

I also live in a Queenslander. It's good fuel, makes big fire!

[–]MrTiberious 1 point2 points ago

Ill take your word for it.... this time... shifty eyes

[–]jimmytheone45 0 points1 point ago

I love seeing this because everyone in FNQ knows someone who knows each other. Struth.

[–]alexsc12 4 points5 points ago

I'm sure I'd still complain that it's too hot.

  • Whinging Pom

[–]aristocratsquid 6 points7 points ago

Read that as Whinging Porn. Is that a thing?

[–]Agentsmith2011 8 points9 points ago

Rule 34.

[–]alexsc12 5 points6 points ago

Sounds like marital sex.

EDIT: Sorry, hotel lounge comedians would be ashamed of that joke.

[–]Soyance 1 point2 points ago

IT'S PRETTY DAMN HOT UP HERE IN TEXAS.

[–]C_T_C_C -1 points0 points ago

96°F yesterday

[–]han-sh0t-first 7 points8 points ago

34°C ftfy

[–]Bemmer 1 point2 points ago

upvote for you.

[–]cowzgomoo 0 points1 point ago

well that's because maybe the guy who took this screenshot doesn't live in australia?

[–]Strangely_Calm 0 points1 point ago

Exmouth here. Water temperature is 26°C.

[–]paperlanterns 0 points1 point ago

Australian voice, American weather reply.

[–]lcplholt 284 points285 points ago

As an Australian I can verify that this is 100% accurate in how we speak and the cunt is actually a compliment and a sign of respect.

[–]FreshBakedTroll 175 points176 points ago

As an Australian I can confirm that this is indeed correct and if anyone here decides to visit us in the near future to address all of the Customs Officers at your arrival airport as cunts. It's practically a requirement of entry.

[–]Xuttuh 60 points61 points ago

The Commonwealth bank is using it as their new slogan. They have billboards up with it written on.

[–]iwishiwereyou 63 points64 points ago

"Give us your money, cunt."

Sounds legit.

[–]Potatomonster 18 points19 points ago

Whilst thieves say "mate. Give me all your money."

[–]Sneebyl 39 points40 points ago

Which cunt?

[–]angrystuff 5 points6 points ago

The commonwealth cunt!

[–]BrighTide -2 points-1 points ago

I believe he is cleverly referring to there "can't" billboards

[–]nickrulz11 11 points12 points ago

The citizenship exam also requires all participants to write an exam with as many uses of 'cunt' as possible.

[–]FreshBakedTroll 22 points23 points ago

Listen to this guy... What's the Capital of Australia? Cuntberra... Who was the British Naval Captain credited with first discovering Australia? Captain James Cunt...

[–]bubajofe 8 points9 points ago

What's the Capital of Australia? some cunt hole of a place Who was the British Naval Captain credited with first discovering Australia? some cunt

FTFY

[–]drakoman 19 points20 points ago

God, you're practically cheating for me! Thanks, cunt! You're the best!

[–]TheBigBomma 15 points16 points ago

And you've exposed yourself, no one says thanks, they say "Cheers, cunt!"

[–]Matti_Matti_Matti -4 points-3 points ago

Because they're drinking. Cunt.

[–]iwishiwereyou 2 points3 points ago

Wait, I think the capital part is true. I've been to Moosehead on uni night...

[–]_Auto_ 2 points3 points ago

I laughed far too hard at that one

[–]striketastic 3 points4 points ago

Pro tip: Just write out the national anthem. Its a guaranteed past pass.

[–]Haddadios 2 points3 points ago

Seems legit...

[–]han-sh0t-first 4 points5 points ago

As an Australian I can confirm this cunt offers insightful cultural information when traveling in Australia.
On a side note, don't call any cunts 'mate'. They'll probably bash you.

[–]CrayolaS7 2 points3 points ago

My best mate's a sick cunt, but when I'm about to fight a cunt I say: "fucking calm down, mate."

[–]gradually_australian 2 points3 points ago

As an Australian I can also..... that cunts ... cunt cunt ... OI CUNT

[–]MagnusTheGreat 0 points1 point ago

You bloody cunts...

[–]sheepyowl -2 points-1 points ago

Thanks for writing upside-down for the rest of us, Australians. Sorry I can't do the same.

[–]dag96 1 point2 points ago

This joke is long dead.

[–]paralacausa 25 points26 points ago

And a little known unit of measurement

[–]freakinhippies 23 points24 points ago

"Yeah that shelf is like... What do you think Jack, 27.5 cunts?"

[–]Tehan 17 points18 points ago

Actually, I've heard 'cunt-hair' being used to mean a very small distance. "Move it just a cunt-hair to the left."

[–]Xuttuh 8 points9 points ago

A cunt-hair is measured at 3/4 the width of a dick-hair

[–]evilbob 7 points8 points ago

A red cunt hair is the smallest of the cunt hair untis.

[–]kjmunson 69 points70 points ago

Well thanks for the cultural lesson... cunt.

[–]firewaters 20 points21 points ago

^ such a true statement - this also is common http://i.qkme.me/353nh9.jpg

[–]perfuck 7 points8 points ago

Cheers cunt

[–]teuast 11 points12 points ago

I thought I liked Australians. Though I don't think I'll ever be able to hear the accent without thinking "OH SHIT SNIPE" and diving behind a convenient box.

[–]drakoman 5 points6 points ago

"Jarate!"

[–]Dsullivan777 3 points4 points ago

This is gonna be a real piece of piss...

[–]pentax 4 points5 points ago

Say good bye to your head wanker.

Thanks for standing still, mate.

[–]Gildarts 14 points15 points ago

Oh okay, well thank you... You're the biggest cunt I know. =)

Edit: Here

[–]kearnsyl 5 points6 points ago

Australia: Where you call your mates 'cunt' and cunts 'mate'.

[–]Precious_Zest 4 points5 points ago

Unless you call someone a shit cunt, at least that's what I've learned since I've been here.

[–]lcplholt 12 points13 points ago

that just means they aren't very good at being a cunt

[–]alphatomato 5 points6 points ago

As a true blue, corkhat wearing Aussie I can verify this is how we address each other. I swear on the grave of Steve Irwin

[–]Matti_Matti_Matti 0 points1 point ago

Wasn't he buried at sea?

[–]eatsa_pizza 3 points4 points ago

He died as he lived. With animals in his heart. We miss you Steve!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I'm glad to know this! When I get around to visiting Australia, I'll not be insulted should I be called this xD

[–]kluiez 0 points1 point ago

Let's be honest, "hotter than a dingo in the shit house"? What the fuck is that? Now if it was to tell you it was "drier than a nun's nasty" that's something every cunt and his dog could get behind. Learn to 'Straya mayte!

[–]Squaddy 0 points1 point ago

Where do you live? I still think calling someone a cunt is feral, at least in the parts of Sydney I live in it is.

[–]GoldenSundown 0 points1 point ago

Try moving up about an hour north. Central Coast is full of people who use it positively.

[–]lcplholt 0 points1 point ago

I meant it as a joke but i live in Penrith We don't hear it often in Penrith either unless from a bogan.... thats Mount Druitt

[–]MagnusTheGreat 0 points1 point ago

You bloody cunts...

[–]HeizenDerper 0 points1 point ago

This cunts got it right.

[–]TheBigBomma 0 points1 point ago

I would have called him a mate personally.

[–]onlyincontext 13 points14 points ago

I imagine it went something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRVPyw_BorY

[–]Mack_B 49 points50 points ago

What a lovely collection of negative karma comments we have here

[–]Problem_Santa 25 points26 points ago

If I see a [FIXED] version of this but then up side down I'm going to punch a baby.

[–]basicseacat 4 points5 points ago

Fuck me, mate. Wouldn't you rather feed it to your dingo? Punching it would be a bit of a dog-cunt act.

[–]XyploatKyrt 0 points1 point ago

Don't forget crawling with spiders.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Xuttuh 8 points9 points ago

It's actually a spoken as I love a Suncunt Burntry

[–]3065462 3 points4 points ago

Alternatively "colder than a frogs tit" is also acceptable

[–]IAMTHEDOM 0 points1 point ago

So is "colder than a witch's tit"

[–]voxndot 6 points7 points ago

It's actually "dryer than a dead dingo's dong (dick)." You have just used Australian jargon to form a sentence instead of an actual Australian saying. I'd recommend watching some Alf Stewart (and possibly his rape dungeon).

[–]aidanofpower 12 points13 points ago

I'll bite your face cunt.

[–]aungoyrules1 6 points7 points ago

I'll skull drag you back to mexico by your fucking stupid mullet and fill your ass with nachos.

[–]GoldenSundown 3 points4 points ago

Stay out of this shit tits.

[–]zniper44 2 points3 points ago

That's it cunt, the boots are coming back on.

[–]voxndot 1 point2 points ago

I'll glass you!!!

[–]SniperTooL 0 points1 point ago

Hey hey hey, face cunts have feelings too you know.

[–]JizzblasterBoris 2 points3 points ago

Get it up ya, cunts.

Also, the Hey Dad one was a bit choice as well.

[–]ProfessorSamuelOak 11 points12 points ago

inb4 someone takes the image and posts it upside-down, inevitably getting more karma than the original post.

[–]Whosinviper3 2 points3 points ago

"Ooh you Ronda, cunt?" FTFY AAMI

[–]zoidbergisop 4 points5 points ago

sir, I have not laughed this hard on reddit in awhile. You get a upvote, you cheeky cunt.

[–]macogle 84 points85 points ago

That's the joke, mate.

[–]RadLad 27 points28 points ago

Upvote for using the worst insult in Australia.

[–]kearnsyl 12 points13 points ago

As an Australian I can confirm that you call your mates 'cunt' and cunts 'mate'.

[–]CRAB_OF_TRAPPED_WIND -1 points0 points ago

It's not a joke if it isn't funny.

[–]PHALLUS_OF_MALICE 4 points5 points ago

I think it was created for the comedic portion rather than for people to think it was true.

It's like satire by The Onion. It's obviously not true, but it's still funny. Did you expect the OP to state that it was fake? That would have ruined the effect.

[–]CRAB_OF_TRAPPED_WIND 0 points1 point ago

See, that would sound right if this thing actually was funny.

[–]PHALLUS_OF_MALICE 1 point2 points ago

That's a matter of opinion, really, and the consensus says that 55% like it, and that's not even accounting for vote-blurring, or the people that simply don't vote because they don't feel like it (myself being one of those people, sorry).

[–]CRAB_OF_TRAPPED_WIND 0 points1 point ago

It's matter of opinion, because most people on Reddit these days are 10-14 year-old kids who upvoted this because it had naughty words in it.

[–]PHALLUS_OF_MALICE 1 point2 points ago

No, it's a matter of opinion because some people find things funny that others do not. You probably think your username is amazing, and I think it's simply mediocre. Do you get what I'm saying?

I don't personally think that this post was hilarious, I'm simply defending the fact that most humor is fake, and that doesn't mean we shouldn't laugh at it. I still think that the post is slightly humorous, however.

You are free to think that the reason things show up on Reddit that you don't like is because it's filled with "10-14 year-old kids", which it's really more like 15-25. The reason you see things that you don't like on Reddit so often is because other people liked the content. It doesn't matter who they are, or why the liked it, but they did. That's why it got to the front page. If you think that most people on Reddit are 10-14 year-old kids, then it makes me question why you, obviously someone that feels that are over the age of 14, are on a site with a bunch of "young kids".

[–]sjs 19 points20 points ago

You don't say. Thanks for enlightening us. Never would have guessed.

[–]PedroDelCaso 1 point2 points ago

WOOOOOOOOOSH!

[–]aotearoHA 4 points5 points ago

I swear to god I'll pistol whip the next guy that flips this shit

[–]Precious_Zest 4 points5 points ago

Shit house = dunnie.

[–]onemoreclick 9 points10 points ago

Dunny. But I would of gone with shitter.

[–]Precious_Zest 1 point2 points ago

Cheers mate, wasn't 100% on the spelling there.

[–]CrayolaS7 1 point2 points ago

Especially: "Brick Shitter". Got to have dat ass-onance.

[–]Thatswhatshesaidlol 1 point2 points ago

Its still in beta...

[–]zniper44 1 point2 points ago

Outdoor Shit house = Long Drop

[–]kearnsyl -1 points0 points ago

Honestly, don't know anyone in Australia who refers to a shitter as a dunny...

[–]Precious_Zest 2 points3 points ago

I met some people from Dubbo who do. I haven't heard it called that in Sydney though.

[–]Matti_Matti_Matti 2 points3 points ago

I, in Sydney, have a friend named Dunworth. We refer to him as Dunny.

[–]IAMTHEDOM 1 point2 points ago

I live in Dubbo, (Dub Vegas) and have many people who call it a dunny.

If you want to hear it more, head more west out bush

[–]fudsak 1 point2 points ago

Taken straight from the Jason Ellis Show.

[–]Convictfish 1 point2 points ago

As an Australian, that's pretty hot.

[–]ManaLeek 3 points4 points ago

Anyone fluent in Australian that can translate that?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

It's hot......cunt. That's about it.

[–]Nitrogenica 2 points3 points ago

It's hot, friend!

FTFY

[–]Stormadras 1 point2 points ago

The cunt jokes aren't funny you bogan.

[–]YoloTolo 3 points4 points ago

howcome my siri never says cool stuff like the posts on reddit....

[–]Unleash_The_Dragon 1 point2 points ago

Haha wow, they really give the kid-safe version to you Americans don't they?

[–]EpicInferno 0 points1 point ago

I tried it, only got me "here's the forecast r today"

[–]Inzalonus 0 points1 point ago

pretty funny to see how many people are putting on the australian act, always happens with these threads

[–]Tananar 0 points1 point ago

[–]Msj2705 0 points1 point ago

Did anyone else notice that Siri's UK voice is male?

Is this implying that men from the UK are sissies?

[–]mradequatepants 0 points1 point ago

An Iphone AND photoshop. classy.

[–]DeathPenguinOfDeath 0 points1 point ago

How do you change siri's voice?

[–]LovesCheeseburgers -5 points-4 points ago

I'm an Australian and I have never spoken like that. Dingo in the shit house? First time I've heard that expression. Aussies that say 'cunt' all the time sound stupid. I know some people do it but in my experience it's mostly the idiots.

[–]TheBigBomma 3 points4 points ago

I'm just going to throw this out there and say you're from Adelaide. Most boring bunch of mates there.

[–]thislittlemonkey 0 points1 point ago

You haven't actually been to Adelaide, have you?

[–]_vjay_ 2 points3 points ago

Aussies that say 'cunt' all the time sound stupid.

I'll fix that for you, people who say cunt all the time sound like stupid bogans.

[–]sir_adhd 0 points1 point ago

So everyone my age in brisbane is a bogan... sounds about right.

[–]FishBonePendant 1 point2 points ago

I am only upvoting because I have no idea where Brisbane is but it sounds sexy.

[–]FluffyPillowstone 0 points1 point ago

Us Aussies also seem to enjoy misusing the downvote button the most. For what it's worth you're at 6|11 now

[–]iwishiwereyou -1 points0 points ago

Erm, no Verizon in Oz...

[–]Matti_Matti_Matti 2 points3 points ago

OP didn't say they are in Oz, just that they used the setting.

[–]iwishiwereyou 0 points1 point ago

Hm. You're right. Withdrawn?

[–]Matti_Matti_Matti 0 points1 point ago

That's what he said.

[–]razorleaf97 -1 points0 points ago

Siri! You bitch!