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898
899

Attempted Murder (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by MohanJob

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[–]sneezylee 205 points206 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/DKfka.gif

[–]norealpurposehere2 49 points50 points ago

A group of crows is called a murder.

[–]Halofit 54 points55 points ago

Is this supposed to show that the joke eluded you? As in it flew over your head? Because the last time this was posted I stared at it for 5 minutes and I didn't realize what it meant.

[–]WhatTheFlux1 63 points64 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/DKfka.gif

[–]Halofit 75 points76 points ago

Yeah thanks...

[–]barlingbackbable 66 points67 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/aG1Ia.gif

[–]drawingdead0 41 points42 points ago

All of the links in this thread made sense until this

[–]moleware 41 points42 points ago

And yet that is the one that made me laugh.

[–]centipedeseverywhere 10 points11 points ago

Hence why it's my favorite!

[–]bobazefett 3 points4 points ago

Haha nice

[–]UnsightlyBastard 7 points8 points ago

shouldn't this be a reply to someone? Why is this just posted... I think this joke went over my head...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]UnsightlyBastard 0 points1 point ago

ah that makes sense now. It said "you" instead of "me" so I didn't realize you were making a self reference...

[–]PUMPKIN_IN_MY_POOPER -1 points0 points ago

This is a very clever joke in a clever joke thread.
Anyone who did not get the jokes, don't worry, there will be a seminar after the thread is over to explain it and assign your term paper topics.

[–]dgutty 2 points3 points ago

I can't decide whether or not I like you.

[–]youarealldumbasses -3 points-2 points ago

Best. Gif. Ever.

[–]stevethecow 87 points88 points ago

Someone please explain.

[–]RjmanRj 205 points206 points ago

A group of crows is known as a 'murder'.

[–]kebukai 162 points163 points ago

I thought it had something to do with crowbars

[–]ImOnlySuperHuman 62 points63 points ago

You fucking genius ....

[–]Metal-Phoenix 11 points12 points ago

That fucking hurt my head. Damn.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]kebukai 11 points12 points ago

mine? it's just "hairy" in japanese...

[–]General_Shou 18 points19 points ago

I know. I found it amusing.

[–]Unidan 13 points14 points ago

I'm a researcher on crows and this is true.

That said, no scientist calls it that. Pretty much all birds are in 'flocks,' or 'groups.' But it's fun to say anyway.

We sell chocolate bars that we use to raise money for conservation issues called "crow bars."

Also, a group of ravens is called a "parliament."

[–]NiccoHel 1 point2 points ago

Also, a group of ravens is called a "parliament."

That sounds like a subtly racist remark concerning George Clinton.

[–]whiskeyonsunday 1 point2 points ago

Your job must be so cool.

[–]Unidan 9 points10 points ago

It's cool in that "here I am, closely examining bird feces" kind of way.

[–]turtlesquirt 4 points5 points ago

How else do you define "cool?"

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

The direct opposite of spending a day baking in the sun at a gigantic compost heap staring at crows and vultures.

[–]turtlesquirt 2 points3 points ago

Lol that's pretty specific my friend, bring a camera I'm sure those birds could net some karma. Then it will all be worth it..

[–]Unidan 6 points7 points ago

I always do!

Here's a picture from last summer's banding expedition!

[–]melanerpes 1 point2 points ago

What kind of stuff are you studying about them? I imagine diet, since you inspect their poos. (Sorry, just fascinated with corvids. I wish more people knew how smart these birds are.)

[–]Unidan 1 point2 points ago

Sort of!

I am doing research in nitrogen biogeochemistry, more specifically. I'm trying to find out how animals (in this case, crows) can influence ecosystem processes involved in nutrient transfers. Differential nutrient deposition (poops) can lead to varying processes in the soil!

The big outcome from this is that soils actually are very active mediums! They emit greenhouse gases, for example. Carbon dioxide is the big player in the media, but things that I study, like nitrous oxide, for example, are hundreds of times more potent than CO2.

Right now, I'm investigating crow roosts. In a normal crow family, there may be 3-5 birds around a nest. In the winter, many birds will group with migrants from Canada and other places where birds don't want to be in the cold and form groups up to over 100,000!

Here's a video I took of a very small crow roost in a nearby neighborhood, maybe a few hundred.

[–]melanerpes 0 points1 point ago

Super cool! Cornell... crows.... you must know Kevin McGowan! Bit of a fangirl, from the documentary he was in, with the facial recognition study.

One crow-related question I've been wonder about, maybe you can answer it? Outside my city we have an enormous roost with thousands of NW'n crows. They disperse during the day to feed in the city, then return to the roost at dusk. During breeding season I don't notice many nests, but the wildlife rehab centre see lots of fledglings from the city proper... way too young to have flown in from the roost area. Do they not nest communally, at their roost sites? Thanks. :)

[–]Unidan 2 points3 points ago

Haha, I do! We are very friendly, his house is literally a treasure trove of bird research.

The last time I saw him we did some banding up in Ithaca in January and then we slammed some beers together. He's a great guy!

From what I know, they don't nest communally, but they may have helpers. Crows are very territorial, so during the breeding season, the nests tend to be somewhat spaced out. They'll nest in some surprising spots and things you don't think of as "natural" areas, too.

We usually check out cemeteries, as they are a "natural" site for birds with nice big trees (usually tall pines) that aren't disturbed by humans often like other areas. They're also usually located in urban areas, so crows, an urban exploiter, still have access to city food sources!

We've also knocked on many a door asking permission to climb someone's backyard trees, they'll get in anywhere they can.

[–]jsmayne 0 points1 point ago

so you look at a lot of freshly washed cars then?

[–]Unidan 0 points1 point ago

I should.

There are times where I have to set up "deposition collectors." Of course, we have to be scientific about it, but there's definitely times I think it'd be easier with about 5 minutes outside of a carwash.

[–]JRutterbush 0 points1 point ago

Also, a group of ravens is called a "parliament."

I've always heard an "unkindness" of ravens. 'Cuz people don't like blackbirds.

(Edit: a quick (and admittedly light) search reveals mostly "unkindness", and occasionally "congress". I only see "parliament" in reference to owls. Again, though, I didn't look very hard.)

[–]Unidan 0 points1 point ago

Yup, there's often different names for the same.

My favorite is a "business" of ferrets.

[–]I_Like_Your_Username 23 points24 points ago

A group of crows is also known as "too many crows in my opinion, one or two is more than enough"

[–]daeger 5 points6 points ago

Alfred Hitchcock would disagree.

[–]I_Like_Your_Username 10 points11 points ago

Well then Alfred Hitchcock should be charged with murder.

[–]daeger 9 points10 points ago

I'll let him know during our Sunday game of Bridge.

[–]jsmayne -1 points0 points ago

hmm always pictured him as more of a Pinochle kind of guy.

[–]HealthyInfuzions 1 point2 points ago

Well, he is. But he plays bridge with daeger because Alfred isn't an ass that only plays games he likes.

[–]AerialAmphibian 2 points3 points ago

James Lipton from "The Actors Studio" wrote a book called "An Exaltation of Larks". It's probably the most extensive collection of terms like a murder of crows.

An "exaltation of larks"? Yes! And a "leap of leopards," a "parliament of owls," an "ostentation of peacocks," a "smack of jellyfish," and a "murder of crows"! For those who have ever wondered if the familiar "pride of lions" and "gaggle of geese" were only the tip of a linguistic iceberg, James Lipton has provided the definitive answer: here are hundreds of equally pithy, and often poetic, terms unearthed by Mr. Lipton in the Books of Venery that were the constant study of anyone who aspired to the title of gentleman in the fifteenth century. When Mr. Lipton's painstaking research revealed that five hundred years ago the terms of venery had already been turned into the Game of Venery, he embarked on an odyssey that has given us a "slouch of models," a "shrivel of critics," an "unction of undertakers," a "blur of Impressionists," a "score of bachelors," and a "pocket of quarterbacks." This ultimate edition of An Exaltation of Larks is Mr. Lipton's brilliant answer to the assault on language and literacy in the last decades of the twentieth century. In it you will find more than 1,100 resurrected or newly minted contributions to that most endangered of all species, our language, in a setting of 250 witty, beautiful, and remarkably apt engravings.

[–]Kristanwj 3 points4 points ago

Ohhhhhhh. Thank you for explaining. But even though I understand now, I still don't think it's funny....

It's actually really really dumb. This is dumb. THIS PICTURE IS DUMB.

[–]i_am_Jarod 1 point2 points ago

how is it attempted then?

[–]RjmanRj 1 point2 points ago

To count as a murder I guess it would be more than two. Sorry, I should have been more clear.

[–]i_am_Jarod 1 point2 points ago

OOooh I get it now! Thanks to you, my english level went up by 1 (one) !

[–]typtyphus 1 point2 points ago

this was not covered in my english class

[–]kimbabs 0 points1 point ago

I'm sorry, I must be really thick...

But how does "Attempted" fit in the title then?

[–]fishebulb 0 points1 point ago

Also a group of cats is known as a clowder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzgxQd83vFk

[–]rokz 21 points22 points ago

A bunch of crows is called a murder, just as a bunch of barracudas is a battery.

[–]konydanza 25 points26 points ago

My personal favorite is "An implausibility of gnus"

[–]DoodleVnTaintschtain 4 points5 points ago

Best factoid I've learned all week. Thank you sir/madam.

[–]Dentarthurdent42 1 point2 points ago

As long as you're in a learning mood, "factoid" specifically refers to a verisimilar but false claim.

[–]DoodleVnTaintschtain 0 points1 point ago

Well, TIL. Thanks be to you, as well!

Although, not to be pedantic, but I think that it's typically used in this context:

"The word can also be used to describe a particularly insignificant or novel fact, in the absence of much relevant context."

It wasn't in this case, however, so lesson taken.

[–]BICEPS 2 points3 points ago

I like the rhumba of rattlesnakes and the unkindness of ravens.

As a non native speaker, this makes zero sense to me. English is funny.

[–]konydanza 6 points7 points ago

As a native speaker, it makes zero sense to me too.

[–]wellhushmypuppies 1 point2 points ago

No it isn't. I got my degree in the damn subject and most of the time it makes no sense to me.

[–]bytesmythe 1 point2 points ago

They don't make sense because they aren't "real" terms. People have just made them up because they sound poetic in some way, either because of the alliteration or due to some symbolic relationship between the animal and the aggregate term.

[–]Sakonosolo -1 points0 points ago

As a native speaker, I have not heard most of these.

[–]MediocreJerk -1 points0 points ago

I like an ostentation of peacocks and a mess of iguanas

[–]sailingonward 4 points5 points ago

Who... who fucking invented this shit? A "confusion" of guinea fowl? Why can't we all just use "herd"?

[–]jonosvision 6 points7 points ago

My personal favourite is a 'clowder of cats'

[–]REDDIT- 3 points4 points ago

TIL

[–]LyTwLdR 3 points4 points ago

What program do you use to get the definition like that?

[–]REDDIT- 2 points3 points ago

Google Dictionary extension. If it doesn't find a dictionary entry for the word, it shows the first paragraph in the word's wiki article. It's really useful.

[–]muchtoonice 1 point2 points ago

My favourite: a destruction of wild cats

[–]Gr0nk3r -1 points0 points ago

It's a murder honey. A group of crows is called a murder.

Edit: why are people down-boating this classic Simpsons reference??

[–]skullturf 1 point2 points ago

Russell Crowe, Cameron Crowe, Crow Diddly, Hume Crow-nyn, Gregory Peck...

[–]SimilarImage 147 points148 points ago

Age User Title Reddit Cmnt Points
7 months thebeefytaco Attempted Murder here 23 215
8 months jleonardbc Crow big or crow home. here 15 163
3 months battleaxjzzhnds Leave it to the Poefessionals. here 11 255

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[–]Staying_On_Topic 31 points32 points ago

Corvids are considered some of the most intelligent birds on the planet.

Studies on magpies show that they possess self awareness, and many people speculate crows and ravens (cousins of magpies) possess the same cognitive behavior. There have been multiple studies on the intelligence of Crows and Ravens. Most notably in Japan where crows were found to drop nuts on the road to have the shells cracked open by passing cars, waiting for the light to turn red and then swooping down to pick up their meals.

I personally witnessed a large group of ravens in Fort McMurray, Canada working together to get into a large garbage bin. One raven would fly hold the lid open, while the others would get food. They would take turns so that everyone could get their fair share. Just like these crows do with a small garbage bin.

Talking Raven http://youtu.be/yFXU7o0fYII

Ruby the Talking Crow http://youtu.be/cgTCoTD3BWI

Terry the Talking Raven http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZyBNWVD70w

Julian the Talking Raven http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39Mk445CyME&playnext=1&list=PLF0BEB61D5874D88B

A Raven saying Nevermore and Waka Waka http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIX_6TBeph0

Snowboarding Crow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRnI4dhZZxQ

Study on crow intelligence TED talk posted on Reddit some time ago. Removed link due to the study being inaccurate. Here is the NY times link explaining the misinformation of the Crow Vending Machine

The Bait-Fishing Crow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_8hPcnGeCI

PBS - Nature Full Documentary - A Murder of Crows

Study on crows intelligence solving puzzles. In the last video the crow creates a tool to solve the puzzle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzEdi074SuQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M52ZVtmPE9g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtmLVP0HvDg

Talk on crows and ravens given by John Marzluff, he has conducted studies on Crow's being able to recognize human faces. Also they were able to determine that crows are able to pass this knowledge on to their children and other crows.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptx1rBE1IL8&feature=BFa&list=PL7E63F84DDB9E8D03

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/26/science/26crow.html

Crow Playing with ball and dog

Crow and Cat love

I don't know this woman and in no way affiliated, but her raven sings an aria and imitates her. She has some radical Raven and Crow merchandise in the cafepress links in her video.

[–]l2izwan -1 points0 points ago

Those titles are cringe worthy..

[–]willneu97 8 points9 points ago

Needs more jpeg

[–]stockholm__syndrome 17 points18 points ago

Getting this joke made me feel like an intellectual. Briefly.

[–]ratsta 0 points1 point ago

Brief is enough!

I've seen it before but I still think it's pure genius.

[–]rottenseed 11 points12 points ago

This is the smallest kind of murder...you could even call it a "first degree murder"

[–]mobyhead1 5 points6 points ago

I disagree, I think a pair of crows should be called a "manslaughter."

[–]FrenchGeek 46 points47 points ago

groan

Upvote.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

Cheer! Downvote.

[–]FUCK_YOU_REPOSTER 2 points3 points ago

FUCK YOU

[–]norealpurposehere2 2 points3 points ago

Not everyone has seen everything that's ever been posted on Reddit.

[–]saberxzero 5 points6 points ago

Are you saying that because there BLACK?!

[–]Blasphemy4kidz 9 points10 points ago

Where?

[–]iRSoap 1 point2 points ago

THERE BLACK!

[–]saberxzero 0 points1 point ago

THERE BLACK(big BLACK font)!

[–]sturmeh 1 point2 points ago

WHEN I'M BLACK

[–]saberxzero 1 point2 points ago

WTF? HAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[–]Norko 18 points19 points ago

FW: FW: FW:

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 3 points4 points ago

I like how this exact content-lacking comment can be made by anyone and it'll be upvoted. And by 'like' I mean despise.

[–]Lighterless 4 points5 points ago

If you're looking for good quality content in /r/funny comments you're going to have a bad time.

[–]knightsofrnew 10 points11 points ago

This is a repost. Also, OP is a faggot

[–]ThiJin 5 points6 points ago

Repost and punchline in the title.. :(

[–]MyOtherShirtIsClean 6 points7 points ago

How is it a bad thing in this case?

Punchline in the title would only be a bad thing if it ruined the flow of a joke by giving the reader the punchline before the set up, in this case there is no set up.

[–]ThiJin -1 points0 points ago

Fair enough that it's not that bad as it can be, but reading the same thing twice in a row does ruin the flow of the joke imo

[–]MyOtherShirtIsClean 1 point2 points ago

It's not an imaginative title that's for sure ;)

[–]norealpurposehere2 0 points1 point ago

Who cares if it's a repost. I've never seen it. Reddit has new users all the time.

[–]foundtheseeker 3 points4 points ago

We seem to be a little hatey today, folks..
I, for one, think this is clever.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

Those be ravens. An unkindness of ravens. Which is exactly how they look there.

[–]blue_oxen 1 point2 points ago

I see what you did there.

[–]meekpest 0 points1 point ago

Attempted karma thief.

[–]EllKayBee 0 points1 point ago

Well done!!

[–]newguy25 0 points1 point ago

Clever girl

[–]TheCleanupBatter 0 points1 point ago

DAE sit there waiting for one of the crows to attack the other?

[–]msnunzilla 0 points1 point ago

I swear to Pete if I see this one more time...Those are ravens. RAVENS. Specifically the ravens from the damned Tower of London. You know, if they leave, the tower falls and all that? Look at the sheen, the relative size of the birds and the curved beak. A group of ravens is commonly referred to as a parliament. Now let us never speak of this again.

[–]TimVicious 0 points1 point ago

Aren't they ravens though... And isn't a group of ravens a Congress? Attempted Congress?

[–]arturod 0 points1 point ago

OK, I've always had trouble with this one...not the murder part, but the "attempted": Is it an attempt to make a murder of crows or is it like: "A tempted murder"?

[–]Dyanthis 0 points1 point ago

HA!

Thank you

[–]sturmeh 0 points1 point ago

Because everyone knows the technical name for a group of crows.

[–]_fancychapeau_ 0 points1 point ago

well done, OP

[–]kelscarriere 0 points1 point ago

I though it was because one crow would turn and stab his eye on the other crow's beak and die... I was wrong..,,

[–]Huntin_Dawg907 0 points1 point ago

I had my co-workers look at this and they had no clue what it meant. Now they do.

[–]a_fine_hat 0 points1 point ago

I shall admit this did make me titter a bit.

[–]el_pinata 0 points1 point ago

Probably a repost, but that's brilliant.

[–]ginggs 0 points1 point ago

IMO this is the still the most amusing picture ever

[–]crzz 0 points1 point ago

not even funny what the fuck

[–]piepsam 0 points1 point ago

I understand the joke thanks to Homer Simpson.

[–]k2-golden -3 points-2 points ago

I like this a lot you clever thing.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

I will upvote you, but I don't feel good about it.

[–]cynthiadangus -5 points-4 points ago

This is what passes for upvotes these days? God damn. I'm gonna unsub-fucking-scribe.

[–]mycroft2000 -2 points-1 points ago

Seeya.

[–]MediocreJerk -1 points0 points ago

thanks for informing us

[–]FrankNFurter11 -4 points-3 points ago

i don't care if it is a repost- i haven't seen it before, and it made me laugh.

[–]montagv3 -5 points-4 points ago

So brave

[–]Omnibox -2 points-1 points ago

Hehe, what you did there, I see it.

[–]dontfuckneckbeards -2 points-1 points ago

Upvote for cute joke.

[–]Daekin -1 points0 points ago

I see what you did there.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]pickoneforme 4 points5 points ago

umm... go outside?

[–]helium_farts 0 points1 point ago

Then you're in luck!

[–]Butt-Cheek-Bandit -2 points-1 points ago

Black on black crime? Btw, I don't get it.

[–]helium_farts 0 points1 point ago

A group of crows is called a murder.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]azitapie[!] 0 points1 point ago

The collective noun for crows is murder. A murder of crows. They failed at assembling a group, so it's an attempted murder. I lol'd.

[–]jcoder5 -1 points0 points ago

Seriously will someone please explain this, I feel so retarded right now

[–]kinsmed -2 points-1 points ago

...or Attempt To Commit 'Conspiracy'.

[–]kinsmed 0 points1 point ago

You guys may want to look up alternate collective nouns for ravens.

[–]KimchiPizza -2 points-1 points ago

Gets me every time

[–]bl00jay -2 points-1 points ago

I see what you did there.

[–]whiskeyonsunday -2 points-1 points ago

I don't care how many times I've seen this, it will always make me laugh.

[–]murderofcrows -3 points-2 points ago

Did I arrive too late?

[–]bear_fists -3 points-2 points ago

I lawled

[–]tunyfish -3 points-2 points ago

Sweet

[–]captainobvious77 -3 points-2 points ago

Successful repost.

[–]0j0s -3 points-2 points ago

So fucking Intellectual. I got to show off in front of a guy tonight thanks to you.

[–]Metal-Phoenix -5 points-4 points ago

At the tower of London, no less.

Edit: Just looked through all of the comments. No one knew this and mentioned it? Wow.

[–]Chubbstock 1 point2 points ago

I actually came to post the same. Those things are huge!

[–]syntax138 -3 points-2 points ago

technically the smallest murder possible.

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