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all 142 comments

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points ago

If there isn't already a site dedicated to retarded 911 calls, there should be. Heard too many of these... calling the cops because they are upset with fast food service, calling because they want a ride home from a bar (which really isn't terrible, but they generally have a shitty fucking attitude paired with a sense of entitlement), etc.

[–]Godenyen 30 points31 points ago

Had a 911 call for someone who didn't want to live anymore because Michael Jackson died. Another one for a woman who thought someone broke into her apartment, only to find out it was just a balloon. Needless to say, there was almost a balloon with a bullet hole.

[–]Bugsybear 75 points76 points ago

I was talking to police officer about how I'm always nervous that whatever I need to call 911 for isn't serious enough. He was like "no, people like you are not the problem, we have parents call and try to get a cop to come and force their kid to do their homework, calling 911 because of a downed power line that's sparking is what you SHOULD do".

[–]xopitseleh[S] 39 points40 points ago

Pretty much anything where someone is or could be seriously injured is good to call for.

[–]Bugsybear 29 points30 points ago

Absolutely. It's probably more of my fear of authority/getting in trouble for nothing (I'm a good girl lol) so even calling for something my brain says is an emergency, I still have a panic that I'll get yelled at for calling. HA

[–]xopitseleh[S] 25 points26 points ago

Haha, we'd just make fun of you and maybe post it on the internet.

[–]Bugsybear 5 points6 points ago

Well I'm good with that, as long as I don't get yelled at haha

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I was about to call 911 because my brother was running with scissors and wouldn't stop. My parents were mad at me. Parents

[–]reahidru 0 points1 point ago

You've obviously never met my parents. There would be someone seriously injured if I didn't do my homework.

[–]sturmeh 2 points3 points ago

If you don't actually know if you SHOULDN'T call them, you should probably call them and let them tell you if it's important.

Remember there's always a non-emergency number you can call for things that might be clear of anyone but seem to be a potential hazard in the future.

[–]helium_farts 1 point2 points ago

If you're not sure if it's 911 worthy you can always call the non-emergency line.

[–]abithozak 1 point2 points ago

I actually called the non-emergency line to a police department once, and was asked to call back on 911.

[–]SixInTheStix 38 points39 points ago

I was dispatched to a report of a woman who couldn't get her 8yo son to go to bed.

[–]xopitseleh[S] 19 points20 points ago

Haha... just scare him a little with your authoritah.

[–]SixInTheStix 25 points26 points ago

I didn't even do that. I simply told the mother that she needed to contact her pediatrician or even family services for advice on how to deal with bedtime issues.

I usually reserve "scaring" children only for when they are doing something dangerous to themselves or someone else. Besides...it's not his fault his mother is a poor parent.

[–]airmind 5 points6 points ago

do they really make you go to calls like these? Shouldn't the dispatcher handle things like this?

[–]SixInTheStix 7 points8 points ago

It depends on the dispatcher. Some will handle something like this on their own. Some will leave it to the officer's discretion.

I work in a smaller community and as some of the other posters have pointed out, there are different expectations of law enforcement in smaller places.

[–]godin_sdxt 1 point2 points ago

Well, if nothing else, it's time he's getting paid for and basically doing shit all. And, like any job, the goal is of course to maximize such time.

[–]odd7 21 points22 points ago

If you really scare the shit out of the kid, she probably won't do that again. Can you point your weapon at his head and whisper "Go the fuck to sleep" or something?

[–]iturnmyselfaround 7 points8 points ago

The gunnit in me cringes at this.

[–]loafmcloaf -1 points0 points ago

The only people who joke about pointing guns at people are people who don't handle firearms.

And idiots.

I'll give odd7 the benefit of the doubt and say he's the first one

[–]odd7 9 points10 points ago

I only have those two options? Baseless assumptions can be so constraining sometimes.

You do know that there are genres of humor in which people have been known to make absurd (maybe even idiotically reckless) comments that achieve their comedic effect through incongruity?

At any rate, and more to your claim: a) your hypothesis is simplistic, and b) neither category applies to me. Well maybe 'idiot', sometimes, but I certainly wouldn't claim to be perfect.

[–]SAWK 3 points4 points ago

Lighten up. You do know the definition of joke, right?

[–]cakepops 1 point2 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]xopitseleh[S] 16 points17 points ago

The real question is who was arrested, the wind or the dirt?

[–]Cynicast 24 points25 points ago

The wind and the woman have agreed to settle this out of court.

[–]BertrandLoganberry 9 points10 points ago

Do you arrest the bullet or the person who pulled the trigger?

It was a butterfly in Indonesia wot dunnit.

[–]the_raptor 14 points15 points ago

I am not an American, so things are different, but calling the emergency number here for trivial shit like that will get you fined.

I have read a few 911 operator/EMT IAmA's and I can't believe the amount of bullshit that they apparently have to put up with in the US. Why the hell don't these time-wasters get fined?

[–]xopitseleh[S] 17 points18 points ago

they do if they really abuse it repeatedly. but one or two calls from a crazy/idiot is really just an entertaining inconvenience and not worth the paperwork.

[–]rokkitgurl -1 points0 points ago

Exactly... I live in Ireland and this would get the caller in trouble... People seem to have literally no common sense in America... Helpless morons sometimes!

[–]WendyLRogers3 14 points15 points ago

I was going on a ride along with a cop when he got this garbled message on the radio that only cops understand, but it lit him up and he floored it.

"IT'S HIM!!!", he said. Then the radio started going nuts, with all the other cops responding to the call. "What is it?", I asked. "IT'S HIM!!!", was all he would say.

By the time we got to some condos, there were cop cars all over the place, and I was freaking scared. Him who? John Dillinger?

All these cops in a huddle, and they look very serious, totally surrounding one of the condos, guns drawn. But "Him!!!" wasn't home.

So we left. He wouldn't talk about it until late that night. "Him!!!" was an indecent exposure. But not just any flasher. He had been flashing for six months, and the only description was that he was a "white male, about 40".

Any distinguishing marks or scars? Yep, the biggest dick you ever did see. Nobody ever looked at his face. Gi-freaking-normous.

Well, as it turned out, a little girl who lived at the condos heard the description, and knew some poor schmuck businessman who was white and about 40. So she called the police, and told them she knew where the flasher lived.

That poor guy, coming home at the end of a hard day, and there were two detectives on his couch and four surly uniforms waiting for him.

No idea if they ever caught "Him!!!" I'd like to think he returned to the freedom of the jungle, swinging from tree to tree with his prehensile pecker.

[–]meriadocdog -1 points0 points ago

I would certainly like to meet this flasher and "get to know him".

[–]ThrowDown_Gun 10 points11 points ago

Cop here. One time I got sent to a house in the middle of the night because the resident forgot to put their garbage can out before trash day and didn't want to get out of bed.

[–]envysiblegirl 2 points3 points ago

Please don't tell me you did it for her.

[–]boomboomlaser 1 point2 points ago

On the other hand, I hope they did it while running their siren and lights.

[–]envysiblegirl 1 point2 points ago

Oh, ye of such wisdom...!

[–]ThrowDown_Gun 0 points1 point ago

I'll have to remember this for next time!

[–]ThrowDown_Gun 1 point2 points ago

I called my dispatcher and told her to send the fire department if she wanted someone to go, because I wasn't going.

[–]marlovious 0 points1 point ago

This is internet gold. GOLD I SAY.

[–]CogentHyena 0 points1 point ago

you should have more upvotes. That was relevant and hilarious.

[–]Titan7771 8 points9 points ago

God, I'd have a hard time staying polite if people called me with these kinds of problems.

[–]patty_cgy 7 points8 points ago

I work for the fire department I went to a scene where a woman called 911 cause she had tangled herself up in her seat belt.

[–]gfuller23 0 points1 point ago

Assuming she was unable to extract herself after some period of time that actually seems like a reasonable thing to do.. Getting stuck in something stupid can be as dangerous as getting stuck in something more scary looking.

[–]FaithSkirata 10 points11 points ago

I've hear that fire fighters in my area are constantly called to someone's home to unclog their toilet

EDIT: Removed "bloody" to prevent confusion.

[–]xopitseleh[S] 5 points6 points ago

Toilet clogged with blood?! or are you not from this place (America)...

[–]murderbum999 -1 points0 points ago

They're speaking "English". You Americans should learn it some time. ;)

[–]Ackbar652 9 points10 points ago

I'm x-posting this to r/911dispatchers, they'd get a kick out of it.

Any time I get calls like this, my favorite thing to do is try to make the caller feel like an idiot. Not because I'm an asshole or want to throw authority around, and I dont want to discourage them from calling during an actual emergency. But they need to learn to THINK FOR HALF A SECOND. Usually I just ask "What do you want the police to do about it?". And if their answer is ridiculous, I just stay silent and let the answer soak in.

[–]10-13 8 points9 points ago

I was raised on the radio to respond to an assault in progress. I arrived at the home to find a 22 year old explain to me that her 2 year old hit her.

[–]drofenaz 1 point2 points ago

...You can't make this shit up.

[–]xopitseleh[S] -1 points0 points ago

Hahahah... But it hurt?

[–]Sklar_Hast 3 points4 points ago

I recall a few years ago that there was a story in the news about someone who called the police because someone had stolen a snowman with 2 pound coins for eyes from someone's garden.

[–]sierrabravo1984 4 points5 points ago

What about when they call 911 on the Fourth of July to tell "those damn kids to stop shooting guns in the streets" when the fireworks are going off. Or "the fireworks are scaring my horses, I want you to go to every single house in the city and tell them to knock it off."

[–]ec1548270af09e005244 2 points3 points ago

That depends entirely on where you live. 'round here "those damn kids" are, more likely than not, really shooting into the air.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Last New Years Eve we went out to a bridge that overlooked the city, it is fairly close to the bad parts of town but they tend to not come down there.

The air was vibrating from all the fireworks going off. It was crazy. The sky was light up constantly for near 30 minutes.

I felt bad for people that had pets that easily got scared. But by now they probably had gotten the idea that it is better to visit some relatives during New Years Eve instead of staying here.

[–]fizzlefist 11 points12 points ago

I work in a county library and we have a central call center for all of our branches, as well as answering the county government's general information line.

I'd say at least 10% of the calls I pick up are 411 type calls where I google a business' phone number or address.

Occasionally we get more obscure calls, like when someone is having trouble activating their credit card.

[–]Chubbstock 2 points3 points ago

We just had police and fire dispatched to a residence because they thought they saw something that resembled embers from a wildfire "but they were in paper bags or something"

They were Chinese lanterns.

[–]schnaura 29 points30 points ago

I friend of mine that's a police office once told me about a lady that called 911 because she locked her car with the keys in the ignition and the car running. It was a convertible. When my friend Chad arrived, he said, "I reached over the window, turned off the car and handed her the keys." She seriously locked her keys in her car and the top was down....

[–]Bugsybear 32 points33 points ago

I see someone knows that blonde joke from the 90's....

[–]schnaura 1 point2 points ago

Blonde joke from the 90's?

[–]Bugsybear 10 points11 points ago

Basically the joke is identical to the story you just told. Or should I say "story" lol

There's also one like that but with rain involved.

[–]schnaura 6 points7 points ago

Oh I see. But my story actually happened to a friend of mine who is a police officer in Sharonville. She was returning a movie to Blockbuster and when she closed her door, she didn't realize it was locked. Apparently the window was rolled up and the woman was very short and couldn't reach over it to get to the ignition. So instead of asking someone that worked in the blockbuster, she called 911 instead.... Chad was not amused. He thinks that people should have to pay a fine when they call 911 for something that does not constitute anything close to an emergency.

[–]mreowmix 12 points13 points ago

I work for an alarm company and the police department in our city DOES charge you for false alarms. It's a pretty penny too. It's AWESOME having to explain this to customers after they get the bill from the city.

[–]xopitseleh[S] 6 points7 points ago

yeah it's usually after 3 or more per month, depending on the city.

[–]mreowmix 3 points4 points ago

Yep, it used to be five. They changed it to one and now they are issuing permits. The permits cost $20 annually and if you aren't a registered and don't have a permit the fine is even more than before but if you do have a permit you don't have any fines.

[–]dustybizzle 1 point2 points ago

Maybe this is just a Canadian thing, but around here I'm pretty sure it's actually a federal offence to call 911 without an actual emergency.

Could be that this only applies to prank calls and such though.

[–]mreowmix 0 points1 point ago

Oh, Canada. So awesome!

[–]Bugsybear 3 points4 points ago

Ha! People are ridiculous, I was driving yesterday and marveling at the fact that these same people aren't just driving into trees and other cars just by sheer stupidity. This is one of those things that makes me marvel at how some people survive in this world.

[–]smechile 1 point2 points ago

Your "story" would've been more interesting if you'd just posted this first.

[–]Dan_juddie 1 point2 points ago

I can't believe there isn't a fine for this! I live in New Zealand and over here you get fined for waste of time 111 (our version of 911) calls.

[–]Fozzie75 -1 points0 points ago

Your friend is an office. What's that like?

[–]Terny -1 points0 points ago

On a list of all the things that have not happened, This one is pretty much on the top.

[–]SirGal-I-had 6 points7 points ago

Jesus Christ. THIS is what I have to look forward to after the academy??

[–]ec1548270af09e005244 2 points3 points ago

Hours of boredom and asinine calls and if you're really lucky you'll get a few more hours of the same.

'Course if you're not lucky it could be punctuated with moments of sheer terror.

I hope all you have to look forward to is boredom.

[–]RollingSkittles 2 points3 points ago

OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFICER

[–]xopitseleh[S] 0 points1 point ago

Shhh I thought no one noticed

[–]DarkReaver1337 6 points7 points ago

In reality some police officers are actually service personal instead of crime fighters. In a lot of the more quieter and elderly town police officers do check up on houses and help people do things like move furniture and shit. But that is just if you are a town cop and not a statey.

Edited for some wrongly used words, damn IPhone autocorrect.

[–]MonotonousMan 1 point2 points ago

This is why I figure they would always be more appreciative too talk to a "normal" person for a bit... But still every experience i've had it's always the rude "i'm superior" role. I suppose being a young male doesn't help much either, nor the consideration that too many crazies cause the attitude.

[–]FkYeahVoltron 1 point2 points ago

I think it's good i decided not to be a Police Officer. I couldn't handle that shit and I tip my hat to you

[–]BigBiscuits 1 point2 points ago

I used to work in the ER on a military base where we trained Saudi nationals and they abused the ambulance service like no other. One guy called 911 because he was "sweaty". Another called because he was sick to his stomach and had a headache... after drinking all night.

[–]robthompson46 1 point2 points ago

As a fellow officer, living the dream, i love my job ... sometimes.

[–]skimbleshanks2 1 point2 points ago

The 54% battery made me dry heave from anxiety. I should see somebody..

[–]xopitseleh[S] 1 point2 points ago

Dont worry, it's plugged in. I understand.

[–]botanyisfun 0 points1 point ago

Good to see the officers down at Wellesley, MA PD contributing to Reddit!

[–]giddyupbugger 0 points1 point ago

I made a citizens arrest in Santa Monica a few years ago (caught the guy breaking into our apartment complex with a bag full of laptops). i called 911 and it took the cops about 30 minutes to get there. Let me tell you, 30 minutes is a long time to hold someone against their will.

When the cop arrived he said, yeah, never call 911. You want us in a hurry call Santa Monica Police direct.

[–]singul4r1ty 0 points1 point ago

This is why we have the non-urgent number for the police in England - 101.

[–]godin_sdxt 1 point2 points ago

We have a non-urgent number too, but it varies by jurisdiction and is a normal 10-digit number, not something easy to remember like 101.

[–]weaponR 0 points1 point ago

Uhhh so does the US. Typically 311.

Doesn't stop idiots from calling 911.

[–]reden 0 points1 point ago

Are all the callers still alive?

[–]Mode_ 0 points1 point ago

Those are dispatchers, not officers.

Big difference.

[–]xopitseleh[S] 0 points1 point ago

Actually they're officers. But yes, dispatch received the actual phone calls first.

[–]windy444 0 points1 point ago

Our crazy next door neighbour, who nobody in the neighbourhood liked, WENT to the police station to complain about her 90 year old neighbour. She said that because of him no one liked her. She was constantly annoying him and causing trouble for him. She finally moved. The police still glance at her place when they drive by. The police station is at the end of our street.

[–]rlew 0 points1 point ago

Something about this image looks fake to me...

[–]marmaladeskiiies 1 point2 points ago

dog glared at her menacingly as it drove past.

Fuck, I'd call that in ASAP. Shit would be scary as fuck!

[–]Jandklo -2 points-1 points ago

Great job trying to copy a comment posted an hour ago.

[–]marmaladeskiiies 0 points1 point ago

Haha, honest mistake. I was logged into the wrong account and wanted the karma for myself like the dirty whore that I am. As you can see I deleted the other comment so obviously it was me. :P

[–]phxrisin 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I can imagine being a police officer in Scottsdale is tough.

[–]headmustard -1 points0 points ago

Mod edit title "Being a 911 dispatcher"

[–]usmarine13 -1 points0 points ago

officer*

[–]mjones1512 -2 points-1 points ago

damn with all those calls how do cops find time to beat peoples asses and harass them for no reason