this post was submitted on
1,595 points (52% like it)
16,302 up votes 14,707 down votes

funny

subscribe2,420,209 readers

7,656 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 274

[–]andrewsmith1986 967 points968 points ago

Right foot red.

[–]GeneralWarts 152 points153 points ago

It's ok, he's into BDSM.

[–]k80k80k80 64 points65 points ago

I'd twist his nipples.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 38 points39 points ago

I'd headbutt his ribs.

[–][deleted] 125 points126 points ago

I'd touch his penis.

[–]CharlesE 32 points33 points ago

You should write for Cosmo.

[–]KingNick 13 points14 points ago

The 6th best way to please your man!

[–]Matt_Aq 3 points4 points ago

The 5 before that would consist of things a man would never want you to do to them. Cosmo sucks.

[–]KingNick 1 point2 points ago

#1 Way to Please Your Man!

Grab his Johnson and squeeze as hard as possible!

[–]ndaly87 38 points39 points ago

and then a u-turn right back toward sexual

[–]Fapologist 9 points10 points ago

I'd poop on his face

[–]OccupyDemonoid 18 points19 points ago

Do you have scat fetish? This is the second thread I seen where you commented involving poop.

[–]BCJunglist 9 points10 points ago

Hes on the fecal unit in his fapology course

[–]neil_obrien 1 point2 points ago

You can totally see his "THING" through his pants ಠ_ಠ

[–]dkK37 6 points7 points ago

Headbutt blue would make you a soccer/football player.

[–]ndaly87 3 points4 points ago

that turned hateful very quickly...

[–]dmorr145 1 point2 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Ayersan 5 points6 points ago

Twisted.

[–]PlatinumToasterRape 60 points61 points ago

and i've never had an original thought.

Legitimately thought

"I will post 'Right foot red.' and nothing else."

Fuck.

[–]BigDaddyDrexx 41 points42 points ago

I thought, "I'll post 'Right foot red'."

Fuck.

Well, then I'll make a comment on how I was going to say 'Right foot red'.

Double fuck!

[–]HollowSix 20 points21 points ago

Triple fuck...

[–]Sweet_Insanity 12 points13 points ago

QUADRA FUCK!

[–]TheDoomSquad 27 points28 points ago

M-M-M-M-MONSTER FUCK

[–]splice42 19 points20 points ago

C-C-C-COMBO FUCKER!

[–]fletcher720 1 point2 points ago

FUCK-MILIATION!

[–]Boolderdash 5 points6 points ago

UNFUCKABLE

[–]ndaly87 9 points10 points ago

I was gonna say left foot red, somewhat original

[–]andrewsmith1986 2 points3 points ago

The 3rd comment was that.

[–]andrewsmith1986 19 points20 points ago

That is the key to karma.

I post what I think and every one else sees it and had the exact though so they upvote.

[–]PlatinumToasterRape 10 points11 points ago

Except your fan club.

[–]andrewsmith1986 8 points9 points ago

I get much more downvotes for my name than upvotes.

[–]venom_aftertaste 7 points8 points ago

This is true. You have a [-25] next to your name

[–]andrewsmith1986 18 points19 points ago

update me at 100.

[–]Gahlokneo 1 point2 points ago

Funny you say that. I've made it a game to upvote you every time I see you. I currently have you at +102

[–]PlatinumToasterRape 0 points1 point ago

That's why I said "Except."

I have attained a small, douchebag fanclub as well.

Unsure why.

[–]Jase534 1 point2 points ago

You can always just post "right said Fred"

[–]Se7en_Sinner 21 points22 points ago

Footjob it is.

[–]frkcool 11 points12 points ago

[–]suzily 1 point2 points ago

So much of the spinner is red, you'd easily end up both feet and both hands on red. Yay crushing balancing fun!

[–]darkneo86 2 points3 points ago

Didn't faze this guy.

EDIT: SHIT! As flamants so succinctly pointed out below, I have changed the word 'phase' to the correct term 'faze'.

[–]flamants 3 points4 points ago

FAZE

[–]darkneo86 1 point2 points ago

Thank you, and corrected.

[–]the8thdwarf 3 points4 points ago

[–]Symbiotx 1 point2 points ago

Left fist brown.

[–]dr_mike_rithjin 0 points1 point ago

Score 1 for the foot fetishist.

[–]Msingh999 0 points1 point ago

Who does he look like? Bad Luck Brian?

[–]Cyberslasher 0 points1 point ago

Nah, the second board he spins for which part of the body is mostly mouth.

[–]Brillians 0 points1 point ago

came here to say this.

[–]MYDOGSTELLA 60 points61 points ago

I think landing on red would be the opposite of what I want to happen to my penis.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

You want to get off red? I've heard blood in your semen is usually a sign of a problem.

[–]crazycriv 8 points9 points ago

No no I have blood in my semen and I don't have a problem. It makes things more festive!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]my_internet_points 28 points29 points ago

This makes me wish treatsmenlikewomen was more active.

[–]marcellaellaa 4 points5 points ago

Seconded.

[–]sicklyfish 2 points3 points ago

Every time I see comments like this I realize I have no idea what women find attractive in us men.

[–]WalrusInMySheets 27 points28 points ago

I know what I will be next year for Halloween.

[–]option_i 15 points16 points ago

This year.

[–]AlwaysAlways 1 point2 points ago

My thoughts exactly!!!!

[–]cowtippinmelonballs 60 points61 points ago

Worked for this guy too

[–]Hermeran 12 points13 points ago

They don't match. She's a 7 at least.

[–]souldonkey 25 points26 points ago

My wife is vastly more attractive than I am. She should be well out of my league, but somehow I managed to get her to marry me and impregnate her twice.

[–]iamdanhi 14 points15 points ago

Most people seem to forget that real relationships go beyond looks.

One night stands are a different story though!

[–]stryder18 3 points4 points ago

Live the dream for all of us.

[–]skybike 63 points64 points ago

Maybe he's got a 7 figure income, in which case they match perfectly.

[–]Astrodogg 11 points12 points ago

Or has a very large... Endowment.

[–]WhiteChocolate12 3 points4 points ago

Rather large....tracts of land.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

*tracts

[–]WhiteChocolate12 1 point2 points ago

Edited. Derp.

[–]UseThe4s 16 points17 points ago

It's a real life sitcom couple.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

[–]ericcsson6 12 points13 points ago

He should add a mouth in addition to feet/hands

[–]wep1289 16 points17 points ago

change the game completely.. Take out feet and make it just hands and mouth.. may quickly escalate into something rather interesting.

[–]Zeppelanoid 28 points29 points ago

Sex....right?

[–]Vurz 19 points20 points ago

Nope. Wrestling.

[–]TheDankestMofo 21 points22 points ago

That's what my mommy and daddy do!

[–]SomeNoveltyAccount 4 points5 points ago

That's what we told mom we were doing!

[–]I_TYPE_IN_ALL_CAPS 1 point2 points ago

THE RUSE ONLY WORKS IN ONE DIRECTION.

[–]isignedupforthis 0 points1 point ago

And knees.

[–]FVAnon 37 points38 points ago

Middle foot red

[–]Meebert 202 points203 points ago

Left foot red

[–]andrewsmith1986 122 points123 points ago

Beat you by 21 minutes but I'll still upvote you.

[–]dontlemmedown 57 points58 points ago

Right foot, left foot. Why can't we have both?

[–]Se7en_Sinner 151 points152 points ago

[–]lydocia 40 points41 points ago

Admit it, you've been waiting for this moment for a long time.

[–]ndaly87 10 points11 points ago

I have one question for you Se7en_Sinner....

[–]Se7en_Sinner 52 points53 points ago

[–]graduality 2 points3 points ago

They're both using their right foot.

[–]Rystic 2 points3 points ago

Because then you'll fall down.

[–]skybike 2 points3 points ago

Or levitate...

[–]k80k80k80 4 points5 points ago

Very gentlemanly of you.

[–]andrewsmith1986 14 points15 points ago

It's just karma.

[–]zarraha 24 points25 points ago

This, coming from the Bill Gates of reddit.

[–]andrewsmith1986 19 points20 points ago

Go ahead, take a chunk.

[–]Fortehlulz33 16 points17 points ago

JUST Karma? Karma is the lifeblood that fuels the heart of champions!

[–]penis-butter 2 points3 points ago

Do you have a filter that sorts post that are going to be on the front page or do you just comment on everything?

[–]andrewsmith1986 7 points8 points ago

everything.

90% of my posts never have more than 2 karma.

[–]dmorr145 1 point2 points ago

You should do an AMA.

[–]cocobrown 1 point2 points ago

hey... wait a second... aren't you POLITE_ALLCAPS_GUY?!?!?! omg i'm your biggest fan! oh my god my friends are never going to believe me! can i have your upvote please? make it out to "cocobrown".

[–]andrewsmith1986 4 points5 points ago

I'm not.

[–]cocobrown 7 points8 points ago

oh.. I'm sorry man. you comment just like him. oh well sorry I bothered you!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

I think it was him but he was just being rude and refusing to give you his autograph!

[–]cocobrown 7 points8 points ago

I didn't mean to bother him. I mean he was right in the middle of a comment and here i come gushing and carrying on. I feel so embarassed.

[–]legalizemarinara 1 point2 points ago

They are one in the same, iirc

[–]ndaly87 0 points1 point ago

fuck, and i thought my comment was somewhat original...

[–]splice42 0 points1 point ago

Such an interesting social experiment. So are redditors more apt of upvoting the top comment only, or do they truly prefer right-handedness to left-handedness?

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points ago

[–]BunsTown 24 points25 points ago

[–]alphanovember 1 point2 points ago

Is that ... Mike Tyson?

[–]BunsTown 1 point2 points ago

[–]DontEatMostMeat 16 points17 points ago

I would gladly play this game with him.

[–]proggR 4 points5 points ago

Interesting on account of your username.

[–]DontEatMostMeat 8 points9 points ago

Which do you think is the meat that I would eat?

[–]ericbrah 16 points17 points ago

cock

[–]DontEatMostMeat 7 points8 points ago

In the land of Reddit, you wouldn't at least guess bacon?

[–]CivEZ 4 points5 points ago

...my cock tastes like bacon. Laaadies.

[–]cowings 7 points8 points ago

looks like a good way to get hit in the nuts by all your friends

[–]kmart890 4 points5 points ago

"Hey you better get that red dot checked out, my uncle died of crotch dot!"

[–]FleurdeWeed 2 points3 points ago

That's really sexy :)

[–]drunk_dean_martin 2 points3 points ago

he should get that checked out

[–]chaynes 2 points3 points ago

That was exactly my Halloween costume, except the only option was to put your hand on my junk.

[–]CoastalCity 1 point2 points ago

I have my next Halloween costume.

[–]Brett42 1 point2 points ago

*be a game

[–]SonOfSamJackson 1 point2 points ago

Halloween Costume: Found.

[–]JFites 1 point2 points ago

My friend and I's conversation:

9:17am Him: right foot on red

All I could imagine was a chick stepping on that dudes business and him screaming, "They told me this wasn't a good idea!!!:

Him: Right Fist to blue!

Me: OOOOOwww my titties I mean... maybe he should have named it, "Face twister..." Or "Tongue twister"?

[–]FledglingZombie 1 point2 points ago

I find there to be a disturbing lack of muppet baby pornography in these comments.

[–]knylok 1 point2 points ago

Family game night just got awkward.

[–]thatrudedude 1 point2 points ago

Why would you want someone to step on your dick?

[–]exnor 1 point2 points ago

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

[–]EdIsFromIndiana 1 point2 points ago

Tejbz?

[–]Twenty8k 1 point2 points ago

[–]TjallingOtter 1 point2 points ago

[–]MoldyBreadCheese 1 point2 points ago

2/10 would not bang

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

8/10, would bang.

[–]vonshavingcream 0 points1 point ago

just hope it comes up hand. I would hate to be him if it came up foot.

[–]Bunnymancer 0 points1 point ago

BLB gets kicked in the kidneys 15 times in a row before collapsing.

[–]Always_Leaves_You_Ha 0 points1 point ago

This pie graph confuses me.

[–]onari 0 points1 point ago

I would increase the chance of red spot more by getting rid of blue all together.

[–]stompingcock 0 points1 point ago

And now your broken dick will never work again..

[–]AlephNull92 0 points1 point ago

You won't want to when it's right foot red. Unless you like that. In which case, enjoy!

[–]kmoz 0 points1 point ago

wore a similar item for halloween 3 years ago. Cool stuff.

[–]tagrav 0 points1 point ago

Ok punch to the balls you say?

[–]misterfanwank 0 points1 point ago

It's stomping/punching time!

[–]omeganaut 0 points1 point ago

Oh I get it, like SAW. Well just to let you know, all the people playing have spikes on the palms of their hands.

[–]Janky_Pants 0 points1 point ago

This made me laugh, guys!

[–]masturbateToSleep 0 points1 point ago

Shit... I'm probably going to steal this for halloween

[–]ChuckCharles420 0 points1 point ago

To basically you want your nuts to be crushed...

[–]Krltplps 0 points1 point ago

How about a nice game of.....chess?

[–]Gargoyle_Cock 0 points1 point ago

You could probably do a Bad Luck Brian Meme on this picture about him just getting kicked in the balls a lot. Any takers?

[–]someguy945 0 points1 point ago

This twister board doesn't specify which body part to use. I get the joke but if you actually wanted to play you wouldn't be able to.

[–]FatherofaRedditor 0 points1 point ago

I am so proud of you son.

[–]inajeep 0 points1 point ago

I'd make the blue wedge %20 bigger but that's just me.

[–]rottenseed 0 points1 point ago

Guy's mouth red

[–]gattofila 0 points1 point ago

How hard should I twist? :D

[–]spacebarbarian 0 points1 point ago

Another game where multiplayer is way more fun than singleplayer

[–]lizzcooper 0 points1 point ago

good Halloween costume!

[–]culture_shock 0 points1 point ago

The only way to win is to not play.

[–]SamuelRAnger 0 points1 point ago

Foot to red?

[–]raabbasi 0 points1 point ago

Quick, someone post this to /r/gaymers!

[–]verbal_diarrhea_guy 0 points1 point ago

This was my halloween costume last year, except I only let them use hands.

[–]FortBriggs 0 points1 point ago

I'd play this with my bf, no costume needed.

[–]bleepbloop90 0 points1 point ago

"Bryan is in the kitchen" lost my shit.

[–]0l1vR 0 points1 point ago

A perfectly fitting party game after midnight, anyone?

[–]VonBrewskie 0 points1 point ago

Most popular girl in Cell Block D.

[–]Mexullus 0 points1 point ago

Anyone else come here expecting to see Jigsaw?

[–]LancerLobo 0 points1 point ago

right hand red. PUNCH

[–]walkerforsec 0 points1 point ago

I feel like there's a Bad Luck Brian somewhere in here.

[–]supermctj 0 points1 point ago

Well that'd end poorly. Eventually you'd have right hand, left hand, right foot, and left foot all on your genitalia.

[–]ninamook 0 points1 point ago

Go to the airport, plenty of grope fun there.

[–]Bosibe 0 points1 point ago

Bad luck Brian would end up having the twister spinner fall off.

[–]Destynie 0 points1 point ago

Fun for all the family!

[–]CellarMaster 0 points1 point ago

Wouldn't... that hurt?

[–]asianxtreme 0 points1 point ago

so he wants a "berry twister"???

[–]thechangbang 0 points1 point ago

Bad Luck Brian

[–]Eric578 0 points1 point ago

lol, awesome halloween costume idea. however, he probably doesn't realize that he's going to get nut checked all night. maybe he's into that sort of thing?

[–]Hypericales 0 points1 point ago

The game is called... Castration

[–]TimSuave 0 points1 point ago

is that kyle from twelveofadime

[–]inaseashell 0 points1 point ago

I thought getting your junk stomped on repeatedly was bad.

[–]scottg96 0 points1 point ago

Bad Luck Brian

Spinner never lands on red

[–]piemeister 0 points1 point ago

Guess I just found my Halloween costume for this year.

[–]musickfreak 0 points1 point ago

Ladyboner.

[–]HeyKidsFreeCandy 0 points1 point ago

Right foot: Red

SHIT.

[–]mattyb1980 0 points1 point ago

Yes please!! Cute

[–]Converto 0 points1 point ago

You are just tempting me to make a "Wargames" joke.

[–]anonymousHacker 0 points1 point ago

whorst substitute gym teacher ever!

[–]gusselsprout 0 points1 point ago

Looks like I found next year's halloween costume!

[–]Rakutei 0 points1 point ago

Left foot, right foot, both on red.

[–]Jordanious53 0 points1 point ago

Right hand punch red!

[–]reeb0k 0 points1 point ago

It's all fun and games until Big Bob want's to play.

[–]Liveie 0 points1 point ago

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

[–]ohebb 0 points1 point ago

Imagine if he was in a room with a Spanish bull in a arena

[–]smilenowgirl 0 points1 point ago

I'll play any game he wants.

[–]brianpepinski 0 points1 point ago

Both hands, my dick!

[–]Not_Korean_Enough 0 points1 point ago

Did anybody else read the title in Jigsaw's voice?

[–]Dahappychap 0 points1 point ago

Stupid fucking 9gag, only 6 hours before reposting.

http://m.9gag.com/gag/4261368

[–]hotelspromoterz 0 points1 point ago

Resident Evil 4 :)