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This is my cake day, the only day on Reddit when I feel I can truly express my feelings about cats... (25.media.tumblr.com)

submitted ago by FrenchieSmalls

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[–]DontSeeWynaut 23 points24 points ago

I waited at least a full minute before realizing Homer wasn't going to sink.

[–]bestbeforeMar91 19 points20 points ago

You didn't wait long enough.

[–]Un_Expected 0 points1 point ago

I thought I was the only one...

[–]CWA1969 21 points22 points ago

you are not alone in this

[–]cirillios 88 points89 points ago

Cats are boring, spiteful, and terrible little creatures

[–]TWOoneEIGHT 14 points15 points ago

I'm allergic to cats. Every time I go to someone's house and they happen to own a cat, the little mother fuckers just come RIGHT up to me. Its like they know.

"Oh, you're allergic to me? Here's about a barbershop's amount of my hair in your face"

[–]mmprodigy 24 points25 points ago

And bipolar. I could be petting one, then suddenly it'd turn on me and try to bite my finger off.

[–]StevieBoySwag 18 points19 points ago

why I love dogs

[–]deadpoetic333 -3 points-2 points ago

That's an over generalized statement that ticks me off as a cat owner. Im currently on vacation and only miss my cat because he doesn't understand where I am as opposed to a human being. I got a call last night with my parents complaining that my cat has been meowing and searching for me next to my door. You've obviously never formed a bond with a cat, but if you ever do you'll realize they're amazing companions that show affection. I'm not saying they're better than dogs since I've never had the pleasure of owning one, but your statement does no justice to the joy many cat owners like myself receive from the bond we have with our animals.

[–]cirillios 1 point2 points ago

It's been scientifically proven that's cats learn to act in ways that manipulate people. Not even joking. Look it up.

You're being played for a fool by Mr. Whiskers.

[–]DrBaltico 24 points25 points ago

Oh finally.

I HATE CATS!

....I... I said it! I SAID IT ON REDDIT!!!

[–]kconnors 4 points5 points ago

f cats

[–]HIFW_GIFs_React_ 5 points6 points ago

SO BRAVE!

[–]fuck_your_cat_bitch 1 point2 points ago

yeah...fuck you and your cats you bitch idiots

[–]Tho76 0 points1 point ago

Redditor for 2 months

For you

[–]MCCornflake1 25 points26 points ago

I can't stand cats either. They lay around and get hair everywhere.

[–]The_Mexorcist26 7 points8 points ago

I had to take care of my friend's cat and the fucker kept waking me up at 3 a.m. for food. Needless to say I chucked him outside. I fucking hate cats.

[–]gtfolmao 17 points18 points ago

I don't get why cat owners take it personally when you tell em you just don't fucking like cats.

[–]robotjackie 7 points8 points ago

SO much this. I get this all the time.. along with "Oh, I know you hate cats, but you'll LOVE my cat." NO. Just no. No one's cat is special. They all suck. If you like them, great, but I'm not planning on drinking that kool-aid.

[–]TderpCderpS 3 points4 points ago

This. A thousand times this. I'm sorry if my intense dislike of cats offends you, please go cry in the corner.

[–]MozzarellaSquirrel 2 points3 points ago

which corner

[–]benama 0 points1 point ago

The one your stupid cat has not shat in.

[–]MozzarellaSquirrel 0 points1 point ago

i dont hav a cat tho :'(

[–]benama 0 points1 point ago

Well then you have full roam of the corners. Have at it.

[–]Cheesio 7 points8 points ago

Just to balance stuff out in this thread: I like cats.

[–]314413 1 point2 points ago

party pooper

[–]PossiblyTrolling 16 points17 points ago

Cats are highly unintelligent; they kill for torture and sport; all they do is eat and sleep; they make better dog food than pets.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

they kill for torture and sport

Because they are bored and get food for doing jack shit.

[–]PossiblyTrolling 7 points8 points ago

I'm bored. Maybe I'll go kill for torture and sport.

On second thought fuck that; unnecessary violence sucks. Therefore, cats suck.

I rest my case.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

It's instinct, it has nothing to do with intelligence.

And why the fuck amI arguing with someone with a username like yours?

[–]PossiblyTrolling 3 points4 points ago

It obviously has nothing to do with intelligence, as cats have none.

And if that is their instinct, then fuck those violent vile creatures. Trap them and feed them to your dog, they're worth a shitload more as food.

Also, not trolling, the opinions stated in this thread are accurate representations of how I feel.

[–]nickdude77 4 points5 points ago

Implying humans didn't used to (and still do) have killing, torturing and public humiliation for fun and entertainment.

[–]PossiblyTrolling 0 points1 point ago

Not this human. Fuck that, and if you like that sort of thing fuck you too.

Further proof that cats are worthless and OP is God.

[–]fuckafruitbasket 1 point2 points ago

Ever heard of trophy hunting?

[–]PossiblyTrolling 0 points1 point ago

Yessir, and I abhor it. It easily falls into the 'unnecessary violence' category.

[–]dantepicante 1 point2 points ago

Joke's on you fucker, that's a litter box you're stuck in.

[–]i_like_cake897 1 point2 points ago

I upvote you because this is funny. But I love cats.

[–]jwalsh88 1 point2 points ago

I hate all pictures of animals

[–]Gbam 1 point2 points ago

It's my cake day also so may I say.....fuck you too

[–]ForestNine 0 points1 point ago

I would be mostly indifferent toward cats... except that I am allergic, with the symptoms being itchy eyes and asthma attacks. So instead I hate them because I can't spend time even in a house that used to have a cat a few years ago.

(And yes, we do go back to indifference again if someone busts out a weird type of cat to which I'm somehow not allergic.)

[–]whydoyoulook 1 point2 points ago

happy cakeday. Have a downvote.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]whydoyoulook 1 point2 points ago

...

[–]Trolling_Stone -1 points0 points ago

Ummm no.

[–]whydoyoulook 1 point2 points ago

sure. Because rational people routinely say stuff like that. Start throwin' out the f-bombs and everyone's going to assume you have your panties in a bunch. So feel free to see yourself out of this thread before you can say "Welcome to the internet, fuckwagon."

[–]UHHHHHHHHHHH 0 points1 point ago

[–]joesmo321 0 points1 point ago

This thread is a sob story for me.

[–]HarizNL 0 points1 point ago

As once upon a time the might DMX said: Cats dont know what its gonna be fucking with a n*gga like me!

[–]tallon80 1 point2 points ago

Take all the upvotes!

[–]autonomousgerm 1 point2 points ago

Thank you for this.

[–]WyattGeega -2 points-1 points ago

I love cats, but you get an upvote. Yes, they are terrible, spiteful, bipolar and more (see other comments), but that just means they're the Darth Vader to the dogs' Luke. One cannot exist without the other, not meaningfully. EDIT: Before anyone asks, admit that reddit is fairly Dark Sided - doesn't mean evil, just... passionate.

[–]FrenchieSmalls[S] 0 points1 point ago

  • Liking cats: 1 downvote
  • Darth Vader reference: 1 upvote
  • Luke Skywalker reference: 1 upvote
  • Net total: 1 upvote

[–]WyattGeega 3 points4 points ago

That's professionalism. Here, it's paid in full. ++

[–]wtfsystem -3 points-2 points ago

upvotes for everyone!

[–]Werewolfgirl34 -1 points0 points ago

You guys aren't meeting the right cats, my kitty is awesome. He's not spiteful or boring, he's an affectionate sweetheart who loves cuddles.

[–]TrillPhil 2 points3 points ago

Pets are like their owners. So you might be an affectionate sweetheart who loves cuddles.

But what if I don't always want cuddles?

[–]offensivegrandma 6 points7 points ago

Everyone thinks that of their cat. EVERYONE.

[–]fuckafruitbasket 3 points4 points ago

Because it's true.

[–]offensivegrandma -2 points-1 points ago

No.

[–]Werewolfgirl34 0 points1 point ago

Because cats are awesome and cuddly!

[–]offensivegrandma -1 points0 points ago

No.

[–]FrenchieSmalls[S] 6 points7 points ago

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, "But you would love my cat... my cat acts just like a dog."

ಠ_ಠ

... but you get an upvote anyway because you used "cuddle" as a noun and then proceeded to pluralize it.

[–]HarizNL 0 points1 point ago

I dont like cats I just dont like the feeling when I'm around one. I'm not scared or creeped out, I'm more disgust. I aint throwing up when I see one, but more like: Dirty son of a bitch. Ofcourse I will be getting cat owners who want to flip me the birdinsert Homer here, but dont take it to serious I'm not saying you(the cat owner) is dirty

[–]Alvadr 1 point2 points ago

What does this even mean?

[–]robotjackie 0 points1 point ago

You, sir, are a hero to many.

[–]FatBaldHipsterJesus 0 points1 point ago

I... I think I love you.

[–]nova62 0 points1 point ago

Well done. Glad you didn't get downvoted to hell for being honest.

[–]hurlga 0 points1 point ago

You are my personal hero of the day.

As someone who is forced to live with a disgusting, obnoxious feline, I share your feeling to the fullest.

[–]DarkWhite -1 points0 points ago

Cats are fucking parasites.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind them, I used to have 2 kittens but I let my brother take them when he moved out cos his g/f had got attached to them. Then I acquired two more when my ex moved in. That's when I realised that they're pretty crap. Also I don't like bacon.

Take my Reddit badge, take it now.

[–]notthewalrus34 0 points1 point ago

I'm not a big fan of bacon either. I haven't admitted this to any of the people in my life.

And fuck cats. My family has three. They're 15 and 9....cats get shittier as they age!

[–]DarkWhite 0 points1 point ago

What got me the most was my ex's obsession that her cats were lovely and that one of them was just a bit temperamental because I was a bloke. Ummm nope, she was still a bitch to her as well. The boy one was reasonable but the fleas man, oh god, the fleas!

[–]Gbam 0 points1 point ago

Fleas are something the owner can get rid of pretty easily, that's not the cats fault.

[–]Liberalguy123 0 points1 point ago

Bacon is disgusting.

[–]yodach -1 points0 points ago

I commend your bravery good sir. It's amazing you weren't down voted into oblivion.

[–]hachiwo -3 points-2 points ago

Yeah, cats are dicks.

[–]mikkymikkymik -3 points-2 points ago

upvote for your cake day being on my real cake day!

[–]HarizNL 0 points1 point ago

Happy rl cakeday

[–]Reynaga -4 points-3 points ago

Why don't you also post a gift about what happens after you flip us off ?

[–]FrenchieSmalls[S] 0 points1 point ago

Sure, why not...

[–]Reynaga -3 points-2 points ago

I don't get it. I thought I was the one supposed to give you a gift, but you're giving me one?

[–]RootinTootinShooter -5 points-4 points ago

Fuck cats. Shit is so beta.

[–]Werewolfgirl34 1 point2 points ago

As an ALPHA MALE you can only love dogs right? People who constantly talk about things being alpha or beta are insecure about their masculinity.

[–]RootinTootinShooter -1 points0 points ago

Well I'm not. Cats are just so feminine. You can't take them hunting, fishing, they won't swim with you, and they won't protect their owners.

As Dwight Schrute so eloquently put it "Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat" add the fact that they aren't territorial and won't protect their owners if need be.. They're just a waste of space.

[–]tlmason -4 points-3 points ago

Cats suck

[–]Trolling_Stone -5 points-4 points ago

Seriously... When my first cake day comes, I will make a point to put a picture of somebody torturing cats. Not that I support that, but there has to be some kind of balance. Or maybe somebody making love to a dog. Something extreme, knawahmean?

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