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all 99 comments

[–]rawrc 151 points152 points ago

Sure, when a dog does it it's funny, when I do it it's illegal.

[–]dan92 44 points45 points ago

Maybe the dog is cuter than you.

[–]hayashirice911 50 points51 points ago

Bitch I'm fabulous.

[–]whatkindofasshole 5 points6 points ago

Maybe you need your nails trimmed.

[–]Hermeran 4 points5 points ago

Uncle Jerry is that you?

[–]thergrim 114 points115 points ago

Two women are chatting in a vet's office.

One has a cat the other has a dog, a Great Dane.

The cat lady says, "Muffy is now old enough so I brought her in to get fixed. What are you here for?"

The dog lady says, "Butch has been jumping up on me and humping me when I get out of the shower."

Cat lady, "Oh, you're getting Butch fixed too?"

Dog lady, "No, I'm getting his nails trimmed."

[–]Box_Guy 28 points29 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Dog_Dick_Red 9 points10 points ago

◉‿◉

[–]Greg636 6 points7 points ago

[–]SamuelHusky 108 points109 points ago

Her face is priceless

[–]Nickston 38 points39 points ago

She probably led him on

[–]aliono 15 points16 points ago

Red Rocket

[–]scgoodolboy 5 points6 points ago

My wife tells our dog to put up his crayon.

[–]AC_Jarbs 3 points4 points ago

And my wife tells our dog to put away his lipstick.

[–]Triviaandwordplay 4 points5 points ago

Not when you're not home.

[–]Possessed 26 points27 points ago

[–]sweetiyeti 8 points9 points ago

Oh shit, he just opened the veil.

[–]notamypond 2 points3 points ago

Probably on a leash.

[–]soochosaurus 11 points12 points ago

the face of sheer terror.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RugerRedhawk -3 points-2 points ago

Woah. Totally in your year.

[–]Phased -1 points0 points ago

I don't understand why you were downvoted... Reddit can be so confusing.

[–]speedzf 11 points12 points ago

do dogs still behave like this after they get neutered?

not trolling.

[–]Vivtek 24 points25 points ago

It's dominance. Females will do the same thing if they're feeling like the dominant dog in their pack.

[–]smilenowgirl 3 points4 points ago

So, they'll hump their owners even though they're thier owners to show dominance?

[–]Vivtek 1 point2 points ago

Yes, actually - but only if they feel dominant, which isn't actually natural for the dog/human relationship. People who treat their dogs like children sometimes get into dominance issues. It's pretty important to realize that dog's actually aren't human, and it's not really good for them to treat them as though they were. Since a dog can't actually dominate a human (not because they can't injure you, but because as a human, you literally cannot give them the signals they need to know they're the dominant dog) the only thing you're doing by treating a dog as an equal is stressing it out. Sometimes it reacts by humping your leg; sometimes it will just die early of liver cancer.

[–]loquedesea 3 points4 points ago

they're thier

ಠ_ಠ

[–]millertime8306 11 points12 points ago

Yes they do, though I don't believe as frequently. My parents have a dog that's been neutered and he still does it from time to time. I think it's mostly a show of dominance. I think it may also depend on when they're snipped

[–]speedzf 1 point2 points ago

thank you :)

[–]THEsolid85 6 points7 points ago

I got my dog neutered at 6 months and I have never once seen him hump anyone or anything. He's almost 5 now.

[–]sticky_stuntman 8 points9 points ago

No idea why you're downvoted, early neutering almost completely removes this behavior in every breed I've owned.

[–]gooktownnappa 0 points1 point ago

I know this comment is already 3 days old, but w/e.

Not mine... he got neutered around at 6 months too and he still does it with passion at ripe age of 12 years... Any clue on what's going on here, or tips on how to make him to this less?

[–]sticky_stuntman 1 point2 points ago

Not sure, it would help to know what breed and what his environment is like. Having females around can still stimulate him or he may just be bored from lack of exercise. Some dogs hump when bored.

[–]mad_maxx17 14 points15 points ago

I love the look on her face. She doesn't know what the fuck to do.

[–]foreskinpeeler 2 points3 points ago

Made me laugh, but there's not a rape joke in mind that I can tack this onto.

[–]Guize 6 points7 points ago

I don't have a dog, and I've always wondered, what's the proper way to dealing with this? I heard it's to show dominance, so how do you show your dominance without hurting the dog?

[–]Aiskhulos 9 points10 points ago

Hump the dog back.

[–]mpjby 6 points7 points ago

It's logical really.

[–]Kryten_2X4B_523P 16 points17 points ago

The first step is to stop dressing like a whore. Also, never leave your drink unattended.

[–]PJL 5 points6 points ago

Confidence and assertive leadership. In this case, I'd raise my voice and say "No!" with a hint of anger. I'd stand up, face the dog, and make eye contact while doing this. Take an aggressive posture (higher elevation than the dog, slightly lean forward).

It also helps if you always make sure you are the dominant one in the relationship. That doesn't mean you can't show affection or cuddle or anything, but it means that you should have boundaries for the dog that they are never allowed to cross without your permission -- no jumping up on people, not getting on the furniture unless commanded to do so, etc.

Structure is good for dogs. You can still be a buddy, and you should never hurt them -- just let them know you are the leader.

[–]GiveEmHellMatty 16 points17 points ago

Your hoody doesn't make you invisible yknow?!?

Besides, he can smelllllll you...

[–]Feltron 2 points3 points ago

Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie.

[–]Joe__Dirt 1 point2 points ago

Zimmerman the dog.

[–]CeruleanOak -5 points-4 points ago

It's funny because he said Zimmerman.

[–]Cygnus_X 11 points12 points ago

After watching this clip for an hour, I guess she's not going to show it.

[–]DivinityInsanity 18 points19 points ago

I have a video of a blond girl with the same type of dog actually having sex. Probably not the same girl, though. :(

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

Why?

[–]DivinityInsanity 15 points16 points ago

;)

[–]Corjo 8 points9 points ago

Link or it didn't happwn

[–]The_Jimster 36 points37 points ago

[–]Bloodfeastisleman 22 points23 points ago

[–]crackshot91 16 points17 points ago

Because I wanted to see a dog fucking a blonde woman. NOW GIVE ME THE ACTUAL LINK, COCK STAIN.

EDIT: PLEASE.

[–]arghnard 2 points3 points ago

Because Reddit.

[–]danque 2 points3 points ago

Science!

[–]AikawaKizuna 0 points1 point ago

zootube365

[–]Iwokeupwithoutapillo 1 point2 points ago

Motherless.

[–]jimmies-san -2 points-1 points ago

lot better tubes for that kind of vids, that's like one of the worst.

[–]kk123433 -1 points0 points ago

lies! links!

[–]ab103630 -2 points-1 points ago

Pics or it didn't happen.

[–]The_One_Above_All 2 points3 points ago

That's a new take on Little red Riding Hood.

[–]thebigmacho 4 points5 points ago

Hell yeah

[–]CondescendingSean 5 points6 points ago

Looks like me at the club.

[–]huvnaegot1 1 point2 points ago

Say Mr. Beefy! Say it! Say it!

[–]lordkabab 1 point2 points ago

I've seen the thumbnails of enough videos on motherless to know where I don't want this going.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

That's kinda hot.

[–]FCBSERIS 1 point2 points ago

That bastard stole my moves!

[–]ozzyrulez03 1 point2 points ago

Casting couch is getting pretty crazy now huh?

[–]ObeseSnake 2 points3 points ago

Domination not procreation.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]danishLad -1 points0 points ago

DAY-TIME RAPER!!

[–]positiveapathy -5 points-4 points ago

Trivializing rape isn't funny.

[–]suP3rn0v4 1 point2 points ago

That can be true sometimes but making it over serious doesn't stop it from happening.... just my two cents...

[–]positiveapathy -1 points0 points ago

Humor fosters an atmosphere where rape is tolerated, excused, and trivialized. It does nothing but harm victims and survivors, and help perpetrators.

[–]suP3rn0v4 0 points1 point ago

I do understand your point and I agree with what you are saying. However, personally I find that sometimes the more serious a matter is treated, with no humour at all, the more difficult it can become for people to feel comfortable talking about such matters. Joking about something doesn't mean that don't still think it's serious. For example I would mess with my friend that I will kill them if they touch my ice cream but that doesn't mean that I don't see murder as a serious thing. But I totally understand where you are coming from. And also you phrased it very well :)

[–]o0Bex0o -2 points-1 points ago

"Haha! That's funny because I too am frustrated with the attractive females in my life that won't have sex with me!"

[–]Tokiehardo -2 points-1 points ago

Friendzoned?

[–]diggitydan -1 points0 points ago

guess he chose to stop being forever alone and went for forever a bone

[–]LoriStrode -3 points-2 points ago

this is why i'll never get a male dog or cat.

[–]m4k31t5n0w 4 points5 points ago

It's not just males, believe it or not. I've got a friend who has a female golden lab that humps stuff all the time.