Dad vs The Mole. Round One...

jam_sandwich123 · 5 months

UPDATE: After a long a cold hour the mole won, round two will be coming shortly.

thekilljoy · 5 months

My cousin-in-law had a complete breakdown of rationality because of a mole. They were rehabbing the backyard in the first place (redoing the pool, tearing everything up to replant/re-cement) when he started noticing gopher/mole trails and holes cropping up in the midst of his work.

This, this would not do. So he started like your fine father: traps and such. Wily bastards did not fall for such simple attempts on their lives.

So one day, midst a family party, a few beers in he and his father-in-law (my uncle), my father, and a couple other guys of the "cousins" generation as our family calls us decided that there was simply no other option left.

The yard had to be flooded.

Fast forwarded a few hours and the backyard has been reduced to a mud/marsh wasteland, with a number of grown ass men (physically, anyways) slowly picking their way around, swinging baseball bats at any air bubbles they spy.

What no one was expecting was success. However, they killed 3 of the offending animals with this method.

And it nearly killed him too when that water bill arrived. (California drought rates.)

I hope your dad tags his enemy without necessitating swamp or ark construction.

DLXII · 5 months

Your dad is all like http://i.imgur.com/Fj9iy.gif

But, I wish him luck!

TheDigitalOne · 5 months

ProTip: go to the local garden shop and buy a weed burner attachment for your propane tank (the type used on most backyard BBQs) They run about $20 or so, like this one: http://www.harborfreight.com/propane-torch-91033.html

Find a recent mole hole, carefully dig out the dirt exposing the tunnels below. Stick the week burner unlit in the hole and let it flow at max volume for a minute or two... step back from the hole, light the weed burner and then point it at the mole hole.

If you've properly loaded the tunnels with propane you will get a very satisfying WHOOOMP and every single pile of dirt in the yard will jump about 1-2 feet into the air. The mole(s) will not survive the event.

Hint: Do not do this if it is very dry where you live, I've had small grass fires start well over 100' away from the ignition point.

frelvis · 5 months

I had a mole problem once. A day after installing a new sod, the grass had sunken at a few places. I removed the sod to check what was going on: mole tunnels! The little bastard was eating the numerous earthworms that were congregating below the new sod, because of the frequent watering.

The next day was much worse. Tunnels were now everywhere and the drying grass was starting to die. It was clear that in a few days, the mole would ruin my new suburban pride. I had to do something, but what? There was no time to install baits or traps. I had to stop it now.

So I started to remove sod rolls and follow the tunnels. After 15-20 minutes, I had removed dozens of rolls and my neighbor had stopped doing his business to wonder wtf I was doing.

Then, when I removed what must have been the 100th roll, there it was! The ugly little mole and I were both very surprised to see each other and nobody was moving. In a flash, I thought I had to act very fast, otherwise the mole might escape and I would blow what could be my only chance to catch it. However, I had nothing to hit it with and I was not positioned to crush it with my foot. So I hit the bastard as hard as I could with my bare fist and that was it.

I'm a badass.

gloomdoom · 5 months

I upvote with the understanding that 'Round Two' will be posted soon.

Mother_Fraker · 5 months

We'll just wait...

Luxlovestrip · 5 months

My Great Grandmother used to do something quite similar. Except she would sit in a rocking chair on her porch with her shotgun and shoot at rabbits, snakes and birds. Apparently she was a crack shot and when she killed them, she collected their bodies and made pies. This was in Australia many, many years ago. She was hardcore.

Sulamar · 5 months

After 5 minutes of watching.... not a gif

GeneralPlanet · 5 months

OP's dad.

spiffy_nobblet · 5 months

Someone mentions a mole, I immediately think of Jasper Carrott...

DJAshian · 5 months

No Caddyshack reference? Aww rats...

Shitty_Watercolour · 5 months

http://imgur.com/xqMgJ

thehindteet · 5 months

He needs one of these: http://www.rodentblaster.com/

sweeptheaorta · 5 months

Get that man a beer

Findlesham · 5 months

"To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."

KoreanTerran · 5 months

You should consider joining him.

Make some memories.

AngryBorscht · 5 months

this is easier

SlumLordJake · 5 months

Lol real shit, my dad did the same thing with a gopher. Always tells me about his great triumph from a few years before I was born. Except having lived in North Florida and it being summer, he had to sit under shade while combating his great nemesis.

He always goes into depth how he sat on his porch (the gopher was digging holes all over his front lawn) with a glass of iced tea and his rifle (a .22); thinking about how that gopher dug one hole too many, and pushed his luck on his lawn.

(imagine reading this in some kind of like Irish accent and I garuntee you will shit your pants from laughter [it's how he always did/does it]) "There I sat with my rifle, watching the great and mighty gopher burrowing his tunnel. He'd made his next hole to push out all his dirt, a good ten yards from my very spot. So I watched him, got a feel for his time and counted his pattern "one, two, three, pop" (pop symbolizes him pushing his head over the newly created mound) "one, two, three, pop". I steadied my rifle taking aim and counting as my focus grew narrower "one... two... three... CRACK!" the little head was thrown back from the impact, his little body slumped in his bloodied hole. I pushed over the mound with my foot, filling over his final hole. My nemesis killed; the day was done."

LONG STORY SHORT: My dad intensely shot a gopher, similar to the OP's.

seriouslyyyy · 5 months

I suspect this ends with a self inflicted gun shot to the foot and an embarrassing trip to the hospital.

And then round 2.

LittleBigKid2000 · 5 months

A wild Drillbur appeared! Go Dadops! Dadops, use Gunshot! It's super effective! Wild Drillbur fainted!

plb49 · 5 months

Victor mole trap, round two!

bambi-nw · 5 months

Where is this? It looks so pretty.

v0ne · 5 months

Y'know. Dad isn't that busy these days...

Plethorian · 5 months

The online novel K2 starts every book with an escalating war on garden moles. It's quite amusing.

ilikemyteasweet · 5 months

PLEEEEASE! UPDATE!

EDIT: Not for the presumed mole carnage, but Rounds 2, 3, etc. I hope this ends up like Caddyshack.

stubertmcfly · 5 months

I am rooting for the mole.

5 months

[deleted]

somabrandmayonaise · 5 months

My grandfather did that with a rabbit that was eating my grandmother's garden. Apparently he blew the head right off. Oops.

geargirl · 5 months

Something a bit quicker and more fun

basszack · 5 months

has anyone made a Caddyshack joke yet?

stanfan114 · 5 months

Keep an eye on dad just in case.

spacedude86 · 5 months

so i understand the difference between a mole & gopher, but when I saw this I immediately thought of this movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYm0c7gYyU

Silversuns · 5 months

Boggis and Bunce and Bean, one fat, one short, one lean, these horrible crooks so different in looks were nonetheless equally mean.

pru_man · 5 months

I'll just leave this here.

[deleted] · 5 months

Jeepers Creepers 2 reference.

SgtSmokesAlot · 5 months

Camper

tyler_gbred · 5 months

Oh my god, look at that grass. I would roll the fuck around in that all day.

throwinshapes · 5 months

Take that man a beer.

abigbear · 5 months

You should get a Brittany Spaniel for all of your pesky animal problems. We adopted ours last year. The day he was considered electric fence trained, he was let off of his leash to wreak havoc. Eight moles were killed in that faithful bloodbath of an hour. He dug em up, thrashed them around a bit, then rolled around in the carcasses of his vanquished foes. He also takes care of birds, woodchuck (we had a network of these criminals under our yard before we got tommy), deer, and just about anything else that moves. Of course, if the goal is to avoid having your yard torn up by a vicious beast, my killa-beast may not be your best option. I recommend smoking the little bastards out of their hives.

infinex · 5 months

Whack a mole: extreme

Jhoff57 · 5 months

Put a chewed piece of Juicy Fruit gum in the entrance of the hole. The can't resist the smell and eat it. In the end they can't digest it and die.

Myzeke · 5 months

Am I the only one who thinks about Al trying to get the rabbit in Married with Children?

Mr_Mimiseku · 5 months

Where's Bill Murray when you need him?

xfootballer814 · 5 months

I used to have a dog that was the best at killing moles and other little critters. He'd dig the fuckers out of their holes, tear their insides out and leave them to die in the sun as a warning to others of their kind. After finding a few moles splayed out in our yard the bastards must have learned their lesson because they would dig their tunnels around our yard and refuse to enter it. Everyone else in the neighborhood could have moles but not us, our dog taught them not to fuck with his yard.

tobidammit · 5 months

I'm sure this also goes for moles.

bknowlton · 5 months

Dat Grass

JolietJ · 5 months

The only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang.

jersully · 5 months

Mole survivors: Death came wearing blue Crocs.

molekiller · 5 months

I hunt them with patience and dedication. I have killed 6 (Out of 7 hunts.) so far this year. This is my method and I will use no other. 1. Find new activity. Check the color of the newly turned soil to see if it is fresh. Darker (more moisture) = fresh 2. Carefully tamp down all tunnels and mounds in the area. I do this with my foot and as quietly as possible. It is important to insure that when you come back (See number 3) you will not mistake something you did not tamp down for new activity. I also place a cinder block were I want to stand and wait for mole activity. 3. Go back every hour or so and check for new activity. When I find new activity I stand on the cinder block with my Model 66 Nylon Remington 22 caliber semi-automatic rifle in my hand. 4. When I see activity I hold the barrel of the gun about ten inches from the ground and pull the trigger until it goes click. (13 times) I have a Vietnam vet who lives next door and I often hear something crash and break inside his house during this step. 5. Dig out the dead mole and toss the carcass over the nearest fence for the buzzards feast upon. If you don’t have a dog you can leave it in the tunnel for the other furry little bastards to stumble upon mid dig. I like to think of one of them scurrying away in mortal terror after seeing the bullet riddle corpse of its father but I am sure that is just wishful thinking.

Things to note: One mole can dig over 300 feet of tunnels in one night. Moles are of course searching for grubs to eat and some people poison the grubs to get rid of the moles. (I consider this the coward’s way out.) I have often thought of using a 10x10 square of metal with spikes and a handle something like a multi row pitchfork to do the deed as well. Step off the block and slam it into the ground with a solid thunk and you hear the rodent squeal. Man that gives me a little rush just thinking about it. The Remington Nylon 66 is the best gun ever made and I will fight any mother fucker who says different.

I ain’t kidding here jack this method equals dead moles.

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