this post was submitted on
1,580 points (52% like it)
15,246 up votes 13,666 down votes

funny

subscribe2,425,364 readers

8,037 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 293

[–]The-Austrian 502 points503 points ago

"damn! 30 points behind in the 4th quarter.... but hey, at least i'm rich"

[–]monkeedude1212 133 points134 points ago

I'm glad I don't get paid by the basket.

[–]Software_Engineer 16 points17 points ago

there's a joke about KFC basket of chicken here somewhere

[–]thepulloutmethod 152 points153 points ago

[–]newtothelyte 23 points24 points ago

The watermelon was a nice touch.

[–]wheresmyhouse 18 points19 points ago

I wonder why they don't serve watermelon at KFC. The ones I ate at in Japan did.

[–]duatb89 35 points36 points ago

The racist implications.

[–]thelegore 18 points19 points ago

But really, who doesn't like watermelon and fried chicken? That's universal.

[–]ChiefNugs 10 points11 points ago

With an ice cold glass of Kool-Aid.

[–]Mowleen 4 points5 points ago

Love me sum purple drank!

[–]dwellercmd 2 points3 points ago

Pulloutmethod: I use you all the time with great success. Thanks man.

[–]SirDerpingtonThe3rd 5 points6 points ago

Speedy work, 4chan.

[–]imakethingsakward 19 points20 points ago

I up voted because honestly, this isn't racist. If you don't like KFC, that is just damn unAmerican.

[–]pinkspaceship17 12 points13 points ago

KFC sucks! Popeye's is where its at.

[–]metallicabmc 2 points3 points ago

Popeye's chicken is the shizniz!

[–]MYBEANS 1 point2 points ago

Hells yes.

[–]radio_dead 4 points5 points ago

Buckethead mourns for you through face melting shreds.

[–]wheresmyhouse 4 points5 points ago

I just wanted to let you know that Welcome to Bucketheadland is now playing in my head.

[–]reddit_commenting 0 points1 point ago

Paying Basketball players by the point or for assists is an interesting idea.

It would probably make them hustle more, and fight each other for the ball. It would probably also increase attendance.

[–]Necromal 1 point2 points ago

It would also ruin teamwork im sure.

[–]paradoxofchoice 36 points37 points ago

actually it was more like "but hey, I survived a kidney disease that forced me to retire and I came back and won a championship."

[–]aspeenat 13 points14 points ago

please sir can I have some more info

[–]aspeenat 2 points3 points ago

Thanks!

[–]aspeenat 7 points8 points ago

Holy Spaghetti Lord this guy is truly a perfect human!!!! Graduate of GeorgeTown, #2 PIC, best defense player of the league, overcoming a disease that would leave most of us in our rocking chairs, then coming back at the lowest pay their is and still helping the team to win a Championship, OMSG this guy is truly above a human.

[–]naDOOFUS 19 points20 points ago

He gave his championship ring to his cousin, who donated him the kidney he needed. ZO is one of my favorite NBA players since he was drafted second overall behind shaq in the 92 draft.

[–]bdog2g2 8 points9 points ago

Not long ago, here in Miami, he got out of his car at an intersection during a green light to help an elderly lady cross the street who couldnt' make it across in time.

In fact I think he also did something else about a month or two helping someone who was having a heart attack or something...

I think he's Superman.

[–]aspeenat 3 points4 points ago

He seems like the type of person who would have excelled at what ever he choose to do.

[–]I_am_Bob 128 points129 points ago

I had a similar experience. Had a boss that was just impossible to work with. Got fired. At first I was like FUCK FUCK I DON'T HAVE JOB, by time I got home I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I walked in the door and yelled to my roommates "were getting drunk early today!!"

[–]vandal823 64 points65 points ago

I got laid off, today. You've inspired me to drink. And go shoot some pool. Thanks.

[–]tehreal 7 points8 points ago

Stay strong brother.

[–]vandal823 2 points3 points ago

That's kind of you. I'll try.

[–]twodollaz 4 points5 points ago

Keep your head up, bro.

[–]vandal823 3 points4 points ago

Thanks. The job hunt begins immediately. :)

[–]867-5308 2 points3 points ago

We happen to have a Drunk Pool Player position open right now. Can you start immediately?

[–]AMeanCow 7 points8 points ago

When my company tossed me into the layoff bin, the impact of being jobless didn't even hit me until days later, I was just so happy to be able to go home that day. That was when I realized how much I actually hated being in sales, and how big of a douche my boss was. I was in denial there for 6 years.

[–]newtothelyte 3 points4 points ago

This seems fitting.

[–]cratedigger 3 points4 points ago

would you mind telling me what you do now and how you found another job?! I'm in a similar position, financial sales for 5 years...boss is a douche...finally found a job I love, got through the first two phases of the interview, he tells me today the hiring manager called him and he told her "I lack motivation". I'm so pissed right now to think that is probably the reason I won't get this job, and I just need to get out.

[–]wookiepedia 16 points17 points ago

Ask the hiring manager to document that for you. You can definitely make life unpleasant for your boss over that by filing in small claims court. Somebody willing to make a flippant remark like that is likely to also fire you for filing suit against them, which will just add to the damages you can seek, and he'll have to pay for unemployment.

[–]dcp2 5 points6 points ago

You are absolutely correct. Also he should try to get someone else from his current company to use as a reference or possibly write a letter of recommendation. Never use your current boss as reference, if anything you should list the hr person because they know the correct thing to do is only verify length of employment/ title.

[–]AMeanCow 6 points7 points ago

I wish I had some magic formula or some secret to getting the job you want. Following my first layoff I spent a year job hunting and collecting unemployment, got a job doing estimates for a contractor, but the owner stopped coming to work one day, and when they shut the power off in the office, I kinda realized that I was out of a job again.

I tried going to school to learn some new skills, but ran out of money for tuition. I submitted hundreds of resumes and never got a call back. Finally, about to lose everything, I tried selling some art projects I did way back when I was a teenager, and amazingly it did really, really well. And that's what I'm still doing, a couple years later.

Now I live the life of a starving artist, and it's really, really hard and I'm constantly broke, but at least I don't have a horrible boss and can almost keep the bills paid. I'm trying to expand, and the internet provides a lot of resources like Kickstarter, but it's still crazy-hard to launch new projects when you're treading water to survive.

So my advice, if you have a job, hold onto it and do the very best you can with it, because right now it's still very hard to get the job you want, and the alternatives are no picnic either.

[–]Strumtralescent 4 points5 points ago

"Oh i lack motivation? here are the court papers i just filed against that asshole within the past 48 hours. He didn't mention a specific situation for that did he?"
That is such a subjective/ situational and non specific claim that you can simply ask for an example to explain what he meant by that. If in sales and meeting quota than tell them he was not good at working with others and show your sales stats. have them contact a client as a reference.

[–]Bluemoo25 2 points3 points ago

If you are motivated you will find a job you like. You will actively go do that right now.

[–]worksiah 2 points3 points ago

Listen to wookiepedia. What your manager did was illegal in a lot of states. Check your local laws and see what they're allowed to disclose. Tell the hiring manager that your boss told you that so they realize he's trying to fuck with you.

[–]akpak 8 points9 points ago

Feels good, right?

I was let go a couple years back, kind of suddenly. Kinda shocked, but by the next day I'd gleefully deleted all the work phone numbers and ducked my boss' phone calls with NO FUCKS GIVEN.

Sometimes getting fired is the best thing that can happen to you.

[–]dustinator 20 points21 points ago

Same here. Having money is nice but sometimes putting up with other peoples shit just isn't worth it.

[–]ImJustJokingCalmDown 21 points22 points ago

My philosophy is that while money won't buy me happiness, it will buy me the drugs and alcohol I need in order to tolerate day to day life.

[–]RobertJ93 11 points12 points ago

That fucking sucks.

I dont want to have to 'tolerate' day to day life, because that isn't a life. Heck... I can't even begin to fathom the ideal of tolerating life... Humans shouldn't function like that, it makes me sad that millions of people just tolerate life when we have the opportunities to explore and live a comfortable life. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but reading stuff like this where people work to live and 'Live for the weekend' just makes me me feel at a loss as to where my future will end up. It looks bleak but I refuse to accept that. Fuck it, I'd sell everything and travel before I have to tolerate life on a constant basis.

[–]theCHAMPdotcom 9 points10 points ago

i am guessing you are still young, you will see, you will see.

[–]badnews501 5 points6 points ago

I used to think like robj too... Then reality happened

[–]longway2slide 2 points3 points ago

Yup. 19 I will never work for the man. 21 I am the man. :("

[–]vecnyj 2 points3 points ago

He's just joking, calm down.

[–]RobertJ93 0 points1 point ago

I get that, but so many people do just this.

[–]amjhwk 8 points9 points ago

um, the only people that dont work to live are spoiled ass children who inherit millions from daddy

[–]absolutsyd 1 point2 points ago

Some people make the choice to live in poverty.

[–]mind_your_own 0 points1 point ago

I couldn't do it, hated morning after morning, on holidays counted the days how much I still can enjoy... My problem with alcohol and drugs that I wasn't allowed to work under the influence, otherwise I would be still working there.

[–]dcp2 2 points3 points ago

I hear that, today I accepted a job that pays almost 30% less than I was making. Stuck it out for almost 4 years, hated every day I worked and just about everyone I worked with especially my superiors. My new job is with a much better company, the people are down to earth honest good guys and I have a chance to make a difference rather than being just a number like 1 of the other 35,000 employees I was with. I can say from experience, making big money is nice for a bit but it's not worth it if your totally unhappy, that shit weighs on you emotionally and physically.

[–]Urban_Savage 2 points3 points ago

Having managed to stay employed throughout this economic disaster, the one thing I feel was taken away from me is the freedom and confidence it would take to quit with style, or get fired and feel relieved.

[–]Traunt 4 points5 points ago

felt the exact same way.

[–]howdoihurk 3 points4 points ago

Did you have a new job lined up or something in mind? I might have to follow in your footsteps. Nothing screams "Looking out for number one!" more than greeting my boss who simply glares and says, "Get to work."

[–]I_am_Bob 1 point2 points ago

Hah, no I did not have another job lined up. Four months on unemployment, but now I have a much better job and I'm a lot happier.

[–]nrocpop22 2 points3 points ago

I came home and said to my wife, "Good news! I don't have to work there anymore!"

[–]barset 1 point2 points ago

I got laid off a little over a week ago. I grabbed my bag and walked out and felt a great relief. After my vacation time had been taken away the previous year, constant lack of support from my superiors, working 50+ hour weeks on "salary" and completely overlooked when I had several serious loss prevention issues arise involving the guy I replaced who had been promoted.

Thankfully I was hired elsewhere by the end of the week.

[–]badnews501 1 point2 points ago

I got fired last Friday and this is EXACTLY what happened to me. Pure relief. I was gonna stay at that cesspool of ignorance until something forced me to leave.

[–]Egyptian_Head 1 point2 points ago

If you got fired he probably felt the same about you. Except he still had a job after.

[–]stompythebeast 2 points3 points ago

I like your story, because you say "-getting drunk early today!!", as in the only difference between that day and the others is the time the booze starts flowing.

[–]Emperor_Norton_1 0 points1 point ago

Happened to me a few years ago, had a couple of days of bliss, was happier than shit that I was done with that bitch of a boss of mine....then HR called, it seems that my coworkers were not too happy with what transpired, they made me come in and talk about it, then they made her back off and leave me alone (sometimes you can actually win). We eventually got rid of her altogether.

[–]Kochen 0 points1 point ago

I was the same way. I ended up not having a job through the entire summer while having to beg my aunt for rent, but I was so happy after the shock of it wore off. I had been working there for four years and didn't even realize what a drag it was on me. I found a job on campus and made actual friends who made my last year awesome. Also my boss was a horrible bitch who "scheduled people out of the schedule" when she didn't like them...instead of outright firing them. In my case she fired me for not showing up after she switched schedules mid-week and didn't call to tell me.

[–]snoaj 0 points1 point ago

Same thing. I got home around 1pm. Took my dog to the park and read a Sandman graphic novel. Went home after my gf (now wife) got out of work and told her and she was so happy for me. I bought some gin and we got drunk and fucked. Then a few months later I got the job I have now and I hate it. But my boss isn't nearly as bad as the evil fucker I used to work for.

[–]LardLad00 0 points1 point ago

I had a job where I was actually relieved to be fired. I left the office that day happier than I was on the day I got the job. Shitty jobs are shitty. I'm looking at you, GE.

[–]SafetyPinZipper 45 points46 points ago

very applicable. I think when you work in retail, though, it's more the realization that you wont deal with all the idiots that come into the place of work daily. >:|

[–]Hyperboloidof2sheets[S] 26 points27 points ago

I worked in retail a while back, and I had to quit for fear that I was going to go insane in the face of a customer. I definitely hear you.

[–]ScreenPrint 13 points14 points ago

i got fired for the first time in my life saturday, i found a new job that pays the same today and they hired me.

dont let things get you down buddy, fuck that old job.

[–]Hyperboloidof2sheets[S] 4 points5 points ago

Thanks for the support. I appreciate it, bud.

[–]ScreenPrint 4 points5 points ago

thanks for the gif, it made me feel better...i fucking hated that asshole and now i never have to see his face again.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]clearlyobscure 5 points6 points ago

no one wants to hire me

wade it out

...yep...

[–]ottawaman12 1 point2 points ago

could be a play on words.....it IS a NBA gif.

[–]tellhersafe 2 points3 points ago

I think you have to be a very specific type of person to work in retail long-term. I did it for about three years, and had three separate meltdowns, the last of which involved me quitting. In my experience, 90% of the people you deal with will be nice, or at least tolerable, but the 10% who aren't will eventually cause you to flip the fuck out.

[–]SafetyPinZipper 1 point2 points ago

Duuuude, coupon related questions or requests for favors regarding coupons would make me want to reach over the counter! If you know what I'm saying. >:|

[–]lmw1985 1 point2 points ago

I worry that's going to happen to me. I worry that one of these days I'm just going to snap at a customer and get fired. Acting classes should seriously be required to work in retail. I'm a terrible actress and it's hard for me to pretend to be friendly to some of these degenerates I have to deal with daily.

[–]fawker 5 points6 points ago

Trust me, after years in retail I learned a couple good ways to deal with it. Keep your guard up most the day. Expect people to be rude and try to be in the mindset of expecting it.

Once you get a reputation of being customer friendly, it's a lot easier to get away with stuff. There are degrees of rude you can get away with and not get fired. At times, the customer won't be 100 percent sure if you are actually being rude to them or not. This will keep you out of trouble with management, but will still piss of the customer. Hopefully they'll feel uncomfortable or stupid and not come in again.

I transferred from a walmart type store to another one, and had to work the front end, cashiering. It's the only jobs they had. I had heard horror stories about the rich, snobby customers that came in. It was my first day, I was only scheduled five hours.

I shrugged off the warning, but around 3 hours in I ran into one. The guy flipped out about me putting some domestic stuff on top of his shirt. It wasn't even an issue of something spilling (no bottled liquids or powders) but he claimed that the shirt was going to get damaged.

I apologized and started taking the stuff out of the bag, and he just shoved his hands in there and started fixing it himself. Then he asked me why they didn't teach me that at [store-name]-school. That did it, I was pissed.

It was my first day at the new store, so I decided it would be a bad idea to tell this guy off. I just looked over to the next items on the belt as he rambled on about how shitty I was. Up next, there were three pieces of cold items from the market section.

I asked him if it was okay if I bagged those items up together. Straight face, and maybe just barely a whisper of snark in my voice. He then started talking me like I was even more of a dip-shit for not knowing THAT was okay. I said have a nice day and he responded with something similar, but he was looking at me trying to see if I was being sarcastic.

Poker face.

After he left, the girl next to me asked me what the hell happened with the customer. Apparently my customer had shoved his cart at her angrily as she was walking back to her register. I told her what happened. She said her first day one of those types of customers had thrown a shirt in her face.

He was pissed. He was probably bitching about me the whole way back home in his oversized luxury suv. He didn't have any credible reason to complain to management. Mission accomplished. Sometimes I will flip out on a customer, but you only get to do that once a year. That way, management will generally assume that customer is out of line / crazy.

tldr: trolled rude customer, won the battle.

[–]RobertJ93 7 points8 points ago

Where I work at the moment we have to put out 'reductions' (cheap ass food that goes out of date that day), we have a group of about 6-10 regulars who are are kind of hermits of societies, one woman, her nickname is mangled lady (she's got fucked up feet and wears sandles out of choice- she brought it on her self...) well she's foreign, doesn't speak much english (depending on whether she wants to speak it) and is plain out right fucking rude. Often having a go at us for. Or reducing stuff faster...

Well when we bring out the reduced items often in about four boxes, we get swarmed (I'm not kidding, around chrismas people have full on physical altercations over turkeys) anyway during one swarm she came dangerously close to my shoulder as I was bending down after I told her to please wait until after I had put the box down. She didn't listen, so I twisted sharply and shouldered her in the face, she kind of stumbled and looked at me with shark like eyes, I just said I'm so sorry and walked away.

Dont. Be. Fucking. Rude. People like that have no common decency. I despise them.

tldr; got swamped giving out reductions, shouldered repeatedly rude woman in the face on purpose, got away with it

[–]Rex8ever 3 points4 points ago

I work in a call center. I took escalations a lot. It took me a long time to realize, but the easiest way to piss irrational people off is to keep calm and maintain an even tone. If people are angry, they want you to be angry. If you're not, they either calm down, or then get more pissed and eventually hang up.

[–]correct-my-english 2 points3 points ago

Receptionist of a cheapliner here. If somebody asks, I'd like to refer of me as a zookeeper. It's because of all these baboons, or so called customers.. Horrible place.. I've seen people puking on the bar and within the same breath,"Get me another beer fucktard!" This happend at around seven in the evening..

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RobertJ93 0 points1 point ago

I feel you brother.

[–]swooper74 23 points24 points ago

I just got fired on Monday, and this brightened my week like no reddit post ever has.

[–]ripcitybitch 1 point2 points ago

and it's your cake day! Have an upvote and stay positive...

[–]r_HOWTONOTGIVEAFUCK 159 points160 points ago

[–]Counterkulture 3 points4 points ago

Does anybody know where the reverse of this gif is?

[–]solabayaje 95 points96 points ago

[–]rooftoptile 12 points13 points ago

Anyone have the original of this?

[–]captainbiggles 11 points12 points ago

Totally been there. Grats dude. No, really, the relief you will feel will be amazing over time. And things can only get better.

[–]seamouse 2 points3 points ago

The night I was fired was amazing. I felt so free.

Over time, it's gotten a lot worse. In fact, everything seems to get worse.

[–]jaykoo21 6 points7 points ago

I love how we're in /r/funny and everyone fucking hates their lives.

[–]skintigh 9 points10 points ago

It's been 3 years since I was laid off with no notice by the biggest douche in history and I still find myself saying "I am so glad I don't work there anymore!"

[–]akpak 5 points6 points ago

One day I finally stopped giving the finger to the place whenever I drove by. Now I grin like a maniac, laughing at all the poor bastards who are still there.

[–]ITripFatPpl 0 points1 point ago

It gets even better when you find a new job with a much better boss, and better pay, and have enough pride to even come back to your old work as a customer.

I like to specifically come into my old work when my old boss is working, it's like hey, maybe you are a grown woman more competent at making a sandwich and cleaning than me, but as a 19 year old halfway through their engineering degree about to start his first engineering co-op (similar to an internship), I'm very okay with that, also easy on the mayo.

[–]skintigh 0 points1 point ago

That's how I am now when I drive by on the highway. I can almost see it from my new job where I earn significantly more, have much better working conditions, and don't have to deal with their clusterfuck of a parking lot.

[–]PoisonousGirl 10 points11 points ago

That was literally the best feeling in my life. Getting away from the worse boss I'd ever had. I was spiteful because she quit and I wanted to curse her out but I just smiled and was pleasant.

She was a BEAST!

[–]bmhorn81 25 points26 points ago

Yep, now you can look forward to dealing with your next horrible boss.

[–]haiku_robot 6 points7 points ago

Yep, now you can look 
forward to dealing with your 
next horrible boss.

[–]Heidegger 2 points3 points ago

There is no hope for escape! :D

[–]Methylobacterium 7 points8 points ago

Yesterday at work I was so jealous of the fact my coworker got fired and I didn't. And yes our boss is horrible.

[–]mrthedon 8 points9 points ago

That reminds me of my previous job where everyone on my team would get excited around layoff time. We all hoped we'd be the one to get severance pay and motivation to find a better job.

[–]wanderinhebrew 6 points7 points ago

Why did you get fired?

[–]charmanderonfire 6 points7 points ago

For making a shrimp slushy.

[–]entbeard 7 points8 points ago

Shoulda been all like yo

[–]crookedhead 10 points11 points ago

ZO!

[–]gentlemandinosaur 4 points5 points ago

Pep talks that only you can here. Sounds like a Saturday night to me.

[–]HE_WHO_STANDS_TO_POO 63 points64 points ago

[–]you_wont_read_this 28 points29 points ago

I was just thinking that I haven't seen the non-racist version of that gif in a long time.

[–]Blamemeta 11 points12 points ago

Monty Python?

[–]you_wont_read_this 32 points33 points ago

Hey man, I see that you're a young teenager and a full life ahead of you with so many things to learn. And right now, you're possibly getting downvoted because either 1) people don't understand that "... tis a silly place" is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or 2) they think your response is stupid either way.

Anyway, these years can be some of the toughest for you and life sucks enough as it is. So many people in this world are awful. But I get the reference, and I like it. So here's an upvote, buddy. Have a good day :)

[–]cash4told 3 points4 points ago

So many people in this world are indeed awful. Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

[–]HalfRetardHalfAmazin 9 points10 points ago

That was an excruciating game to watch. Remember seeing this happen, too.

Even still, 'Zo is one badass motherfucker.

[–]_lastly_ 2 points3 points ago

Hells yes!

This happened to me and now my psychotic, evil, anorexic, drug-abusing cuntbag of a boss is in rehab. feelsgoodman.jpg

[–]arnie420 4 points5 points ago

who was your 'horrible' boss? Jennifer Aniston? Colin Farrell? Kevin Spacey?

[–]ggrayskies 1 point2 points ago

Upvote because that movie was hilarious.

[–]nerdbox 2 points3 points ago

I would like to say congrats to you!

this happened to me in august and i can honestly say that my only regret is not quiting before i got canned. take some time to relax and recoop then move on.

cheers and good luck to you!

[–]plum13sec 2 points3 points ago

i got fired yesterday in the managers office and after the two said the check will be sent there, i said 'ok well...fuck you bitches' an left

[–]Lohengren 2 points3 points ago

[–]Mountain_Ryan 2 points3 points ago

Right there with ya, fired on Saturday.

[–]con42scientist 2 points3 points ago

This completely relates to my situation right now. My car is totaled and I lost my job, but now I have time to go on a camping trip with my friends.

[–]kharmakazy 2 points3 points ago

I got fired once. They asked me a few months earlier if I would like to resign. I was like NOPE. Took them over 3 months to make up a remotely plausible reason to let me go.

[–]VertigoFall 3 points4 points ago

and don't forget severance pay :D

[–]EmperorSofa 5 points6 points ago

severance pay

Oh ho ho.

Good one buddy.

[–]EskimoJoe28 3 points4 points ago

"Can't believe I missed those free throws....Chicken and fettuccine tonight through."

[–]Upvotesgoodshit 4 points5 points ago

Fuck, I just resigned in teh middle of failing economy for this same very reason!

[–]baronxs 4 points5 points ago

[–]ctrazzz 3 points4 points ago

Great timing on this post. I got home about 10 minutes ago after getting the axe from a job I've been at for years. So many hours of unpaid overtime, and a boss that hated me because I was a male (mostly female office), and more educated than her. I let it ruin my life for the last 3 years, but now I have no choice but to move forward. My only regret is I let them end things on their terms, not mine.

[–]ANGRY_AND_BALD 6 points7 points ago

Story time yall: i once worked at a health spa, and had quite a bit of downtime between happy endings. I was told I could not do anything but hang out in the breakroom and read. I was studying for my Certified Ethical Hacker cert, with an official CEH study guide, and minding my own business. I get called in a week later to the home office and got handed my exit papers for being "An IT security risk, as advised by IT staff"

yeah fuck you and your fucking business. hmm funny you are having all these IRS troubles now. good riddance.

[–]Draegur 0 points1 point ago

What does Certified Ethical Hacker entail?

[–]ANGRY_AND_BALD 5 points6 points ago

not picking on you here, but here is what the first google result page gave me: The Certified Ethical Hacker is a professional certification provided by the International Council of E-Commerce Consultants (EC-Council.) An ethical hacker is usually employed by an organization who trusts him or her to attempt to penetrate networks and/or computer systems, using the same methods as a hacker, for the purpose of finding and fixing computer security vulnerabilities. Unauthorized hacking (i.e., gaining access to computer systems without prior authorization from the owner) is a crime in most countries, but penetration testing done by request of the owner of the targeted system(s) or network(s) is not. A Certified Ethical Hacker has obtained a certification in how to look for the weaknesses and vulnerabilities in target systems and uses the same knowledge and tools as a hacker. The exam code for C|EH is 312-50. The certification is in Version 7.1 as of 14 June 2011. The EC-Council offers another certification, known as Certified Network Defense Architect (C|NDA). This certification is designed for United States Government Agencies, and is available only to members of selected agencies. Other than the name, the content of the course is exactly the same. The exam code for C|NDA is 312-99.[1]

[–]Draegur 2 points3 points ago

no, I dig; I understand in retrospect that I was being lazy in not Googling it in the first place... Although, when it first crossed my mind for some reason I had rationalized that I wouldn't have been able to trust the results anyway. It's good to hear it from someone who knows it first hand at least. That's really cool actually.

So essentially your old job fired you because they saw the H-word and got completely freaked out, didn't bother to do any research, just kind of flew off the handle and wrongfully fired you for no good reason. Hoping you at least got unemployment benefits from their ridiculous stupidity. It's not like you were reading the goddamn anarchist's cookbook for chrissakes.

[–]ANGRY_AND_BALD 1 point2 points ago

I didn't get anything. i met with a recruiter in the unemployment office and got an offer to get my criminal record expunged by the air force. The next morning i was to sign on as a AFSC 3D0X3, i broke my ankle helping my elderly landlord move out an eviction tennant, which required 3 men to be present or the sheriff would leave.

[–]eubruin 1 point2 points ago

This must be close to the highest comment to karma ratio -- and a damn funny GIF while at it.

[–]depotman 1 point2 points ago

hooray for unemployment

[–]stargunner 1 point2 points ago

i know that feel

[–]Itadakimasu 1 point2 points ago

Its was like he was having a conversation with an angel and the devil on his shoulders.

[–]YourBestFriendStu 1 point2 points ago

You are just lucky your boss isn't brunette Jennifer Aniston trying to have sex with you.

[–]EzEXE 1 point2 points ago

I sympathize. I was just in the shower, moping about how I got layed off, then i realized my job was SO boring that I was going to quit anyway.

[–]TheStratStar 1 point2 points ago

I was fired about 3 weeks ago from an electronics sales job.
Kind of caught me off guard. The people there weren't bad but the training I received was crap. To be fair it might have had something to do with my complete lack of interest in the job. Anyways, as soon as the boss started to close the deal I remembered the phone call I received the night before. The one that offered for me to get back into my old line of work, with the people I used to work with, to bankrupt an unscrupulous unethical bastard of a former boss...oh and at 7.5 times the pay. I smiled the entire firing. Thanked my current employer for the time we had and helped go through my files with the guy taking over. A short drive later and I am happier than I have been in a long time.

TL;DR Was fired but happy about it since going back to job I loved at huge pay increase.

[–]DownvoteTsunami 1 point2 points ago

HA same thing just happened to me, but I felt great immediately.

[–]Strumtralescent 1 point2 points ago

I have spent the past 6 months methodically dropping people who were assholes out of my life. Shitty people were ruining all of the things that I enjoyed in life. Making me question my career choice, hobbies gf's and I was finding myself only feeling better by being shitty to other people. In a turn for the better I now am able to shrug off negativity while feeling sorry for those assholes and find myself rewarding the fucking awesome people that I am around and realizing what it is that makes them this way. Getting fired from a shitty boss who was also one of my longest term friends in life set off the progress and I haven't looked back. It was scary at first like I needed those people but i now realize that is never the case. Se la vie.

[–]soitis 1 point2 points ago

I'll get fired tomorrow because I'm now six weeks sick because of burnout and depression and this is also how I feel.

[–]Godeye 1 point2 points ago

[–]rpecaut 1 point2 points ago

I got fired today too, and that was my reaction exactly!

[–]SirDerpingtonThe3rd 1 point2 points ago

Same thing happened a month ago to me. I've already had a phone interview, a live interview, a good prospect at another interview, and 2 people interested in me doing freelance work for them.

Fuck shitty bosses.

[–]auchim 1 point2 points ago

I QUIT MY FUCKING JOB TODAY

It was in animal research and the boss was a nightmare. I lasted just under four months and quit without notice. I start a new job Monday. I love you all.

[–]brningpyre 1 point2 points ago

[–]AKAM80 2 points3 points ago

mother fuck, can't believe him....well at least I don't have to deal with that asshole, yeeaah

[–]binermoots 2 points3 points ago

Slightly more racist edition here.

[–]inappropriate_cliche 0 points1 point ago

bonus points for craig sager

[–]spacely_sprocket 0 points1 point ago

I got fired from an small agency in LA a couple three decades ago, and I was really bummed as I carried the cardboard box down to my car. Then, as I drove away from that hellhole for the last time and remembered all the wretched shit that certified asshole had put me through, I literally fistpumped and yahooed and "fuck yeah'd" my way home. Best thing that ever happened to me. What a miserable dick stain that guy was. I hope he's dead so he's not torturing someone else.

[–]wheresbridge 0 points1 point ago

Congrats, more than likely you'll end up wit a better job

[–]Draegur 0 points1 point ago

I recently lost my job too. I'm glad you at least had something to look forward to like no longer having to put up with a shitty boss. My job... None of my direct bosses were bad, but the overall 'feel' of the company was kind of off from me. All corporations engage in brainwashing, and some brainwashing feels funnier than others. In this case, it didn't take to me very well and I had the feeling they saw me as a stranger and a threat the entire time that I was there. All things considered I feel it was kind of a relief to not work there anymore too.

Anyway now I have a job interview tomorrow! Holy crap! It's been since March 27th that I haven't had a job, and things have been such a bitch since then. I still need to find a new place to live since the apartment complex is rejecting my lease in advance, but at least I might actually have a first step to LAND ON! And it's totally out of the blue.

Just goes to show you that even if you never even see a light at the end of the tunnel, you might suddenly exit it into fresh air at any time anyway!

[–]red321red321 0 points1 point ago

if anyone can locate a video or gif of jeff van gundy hanging around alonzo mourning's ankles during a knicks heat playoff game i will suck your dick and swallow.

[–]pryoRichard 0 points1 point ago

gary payton's hands steal the show, AGAIN!

[–]42oodles 0 points1 point ago

no.no.no, hmm right! well he did score

[–]Fudgeworth 0 points1 point ago

Had a shitty boss last year. They thought they could save money by getting rid of my position and giving my work to other people. Found out later from a coworker they missed out on 100 grand of contract renewals, stuff I wouldn't have missed.

Now I have a job that pays better and my boss is great. The pay is better and there's tons of hotties that work there too.

[–]MittensMcGlover 0 points1 point ago

This is random, but... how do all of you have a .gif for literally every situation?

[–]EmperorSofa 0 points1 point ago

The weird thing about my job is that objectively speaking I should not hate it, but I do. I didn't realize I hated it until I had to do it 8-5. When I did it from 8-2 I was OK with it, mostly because I still had the rest of the day.

I mean aside from the fact that they don't pay me enough to manage nearly 400 computers at once, and having to wait nearly 4 months for a single part. I still come home every after noon mentally exhausted. After all the automation work I did I really don't have to do that much work.

Still hate that job though, will be glad when I leave it.

[–]LuckyEulogy 0 points1 point ago

Getting laid off tomorrow. My sentiments exactly.

[–]coolposser2011 0 points1 point ago

So it is a blessing, instead.

[–]FuriousJ 0 points1 point ago

Great gif.

[–]Chicken65 0 points1 point ago

Usually bosses are horrible if you are working at a level that is fire-worthy. No disrespect to OP because I don't know his/her situation. Bosses can be dicks even if you are a superstar employee but you wouldn't get fired...

[–]Jiffpants 0 points1 point ago

High five, man. Happened to me last summer. New management in our city department, he didn't like students. Female students. Especially the ones who knew the job and how to train new kids in the routine better than he did. Every day, every word and action was under intense scrutiny. Fired me half way through my contract - spent the rest of the summer with my BF and his baby girl, having ice cream an adventures. So much relief.

TL;DR - fired by a chauvinist pig, won my summer freedom with love and ice cream. WIN.

[–]Cadaverlanche 0 points1 point ago

The worst they can do is fire you, and then they have to shut the hell up and go the hell away.

[–]MissSillyPants 0 points1 point ago

It's been 17 days since I was fired in the middle of my shift. I got my hair done right away, a bottle of wine, and finally booked the photographer for my wedding. Soooo much more time for wedding planning now. And I don't have to work weekends anymore! No more missing out because I have to work! :D I even took a nice long drive with a fucking smile on my face and thought, "Yeah! Fuck that soul sucking job!" And just blasted my music like I was 16 and just got my license.

[–]-truth- 0 points1 point ago

What'd you do in the job you got fired from?

[–]BOMBERS69 0 points1 point ago

i just thought of the perfect bad luck brian meme...

goes to pay student loans in cash

gets jumped along the way

[–]l_prettyman 0 points1 point ago

Literally loled pretty hard at this. For a while...

[–]HelloJerk 0 points1 point ago

I’m sure you’ll find a new one ;)

[–]give_a_drummer_some 0 points1 point ago

Call Brian Cardinal! That series is about to be a Sweeeeeep!

[–]Jocosity 0 points1 point ago

That's great

[–]Im2grrr 0 points1 point ago

Reaction to having Craig Sager reporting.

[–]rawrleorawr 0 points1 point ago

I feel like shitty jobs and horrible bosses have to go hand in hand as means of not letting you get comfortable.

[–]Maggot149 0 points1 point ago

Applies to breakups as well.

[–]idma 0 points1 point ago

you sure it wasn't just you that was so horrible the boss didn't like you?

[–]Muthafuxajones 0 points1 point ago

I had just about the same reaction after getting fired from my last job...

[–]Halfwayhome22 0 points1 point ago

If i had a penny for every boss that i wanted to just murder the shit out of, I'd have one penny.

[–]hudsen 0 points1 point ago

"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

[–]jackdbristow 0 points1 point ago

same here. was pretty much let go, but after a few serendity events, i am chasing my dream. not an easy job, but something i love to do. so, heads up, don't worry, keep open minded, and stay positive. :)

[–]grinny82 0 points1 point ago

For some reason I expected a gif of some guy shitting on a Mercedes...mildly disappointed.

[–]terriblespeller 0 points1 point ago

Universal facial expressions; got love 'em!

[–]WhatIRead 0 points1 point ago

"I am the only person on the front page who deserves to be there at the moment."

[–]Chachacobras 0 points1 point ago

[–]bryanp71 0 points1 point ago

i wish i could give you more than one upvote. Same thing happened to me 6 months ago, and i had the same reaction.