this post was submitted on
635 points (68% like it)
1,163 up votes 528 down votes

funny

subscribe2,715,445 readers

7,473 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 78 comments

[–]TheCheeseburgerMayor 17 points18 points ago

Depends on what you're in to...

[–]The-Internet-Is-Mean 1 point2 points ago

I can think of a couple ways...

[–]PublicUrinator -3 points-2 points ago

And like the master Pokémon champion you had to get them all.

Dear TheCheeseburgerMayor, I didn't reply to your comment directly I just wanted to be somewhere up top, thanks for the coat tails.

[–]thejimanator 0 points1 point ago

PublicUrinator, PREPARE FOR DOWNVOTES.

[–]PublicUrinator 0 points1 point ago

FORGIVE!

[–]electricwhisper 7 points8 points ago

mmmmmmm, waffles.

[–]SHenkiee[S] 2 points3 points ago

They were delicious.

[–]Flamo_the_Idiot_Boy 0 points1 point ago

The best kind of waffles - Dutch.

[–]kateesaurus 0 points1 point ago

I could also only focus on the tasty waffles.

[–]mmine1 -1 points0 points ago

Blue waffles?

[–]rdiss 5 points6 points ago

I actually have some of those. They're used in making stained glass. Wire cutters; lead came knife, groziers.

Do NOT use them near your genitals.

[–]TheDiarrheaAnneFrank 3 points4 points ago

you learn that the hard way?

[–]Thebrokenlanyard 1 point2 points ago

Oh god, that username!

[–]vinsite 6 points7 points ago

Challenge accepted

[–]amberrgerr 2 points3 points ago

German pain Olympics would disagree with you

[–]webby_mc_webberson 4 points5 points ago

Tiny Tim requires this: http://i.imgur.com/OHuYT.png

[–]Jonnycellular 2 points3 points ago

I think /b/ would disagree with you.

[–]fatdeaf1 1 point2 points ago

I thought those were required tools for r/spacedicks.

[–]DonRon31 1 point2 points ago

OUCH!!!

[–]deadmilkman 1 point2 points ago

Haha, you bought a pair of fap dikes!

[–]NoHero3s 1 point2 points ago

DIY Circumcision Kit?

[–]jrodri74 1 point2 points ago

all I keep thinking was insanity wolf

[–]corylew 1 point2 points ago

[–]captainahob 1 point2 points ago

Nope

[–]dirtywhore4cash 1 point2 points ago

bet those tools are german

[–]Meader 1 point2 points ago

Use them, take a picture, upload to /r/spacedicks. Instant karma.

[–]Porjin 1 point2 points ago

You brilliantly sick bastard.

[–]BanditoRojo 0 points1 point ago

Depending what you are fapping with, these tools may get you out of a pickle.

[–]IamLeven 0 points1 point ago

Not with that attitude

[–]Sobertese 0 points1 point ago

As a robot, I am extremely 101100101011010001'ed on!

[–]K1LL3RM0NG0 0 points1 point ago

you're 182993'd on? im so confused now

[–]Sobertese 0 points1 point ago

Oh sorry. That was Spanish binary.

[–]obsd97 0 points1 point ago

These are tools that are used to make stained glass windows.

[–]authorless 0 points1 point ago

...To fap to.

[–]ReyTheRed 0 points1 point ago

I guess if you are into that sort of thing. Be careful though.

[–]DickHole_Hair 0 points1 point ago

Ouch

[–]Smaxymus 0 points1 point ago

Time to get creative

[–]EHjulstrom 0 points1 point ago

BME Pain Olympics, i don't even have a penis and the thought of it makes me cringe.

[–]lamenralus 0 points1 point ago

Albert fish would beg to differ.

[–]brandonsmitty70 0 points1 point ago

It threw me off in biology when I saw FAP in my book. Turns out it's the acronym for fixed action pattern.

[–]samcbar 0 points1 point ago

SHenkiee, the Dr. samcbar is ready to perform your vasectomy.

[–]lazynothin 0 points1 point ago

NOPE!

[–]RunawayPope 0 points1 point ago

Wait, so I'm not supposed to use those?!

[–]fallencathedral 0 points1 point ago

How do people fap where you live?!

[–]latecraigy 0 points1 point ago

It's the Jewish version.

[–]JeremyJustin 0 points1 point ago

Nope.

Nope.

Hmmm...

[–]southAfRknCraka 0 points1 point ago

PAIN OLYMPICS TIME FAGETS!!!!

[–]Hokie200proof 0 points1 point ago

Oh Germans...

[–]derglingrush 0 points1 point ago

I don't think all three photos were any more useful than just one.

[–]t3hkl0wn 0 points1 point ago

You lack imagination.

[–]tonysaurusrex 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure /r/spacedicks would find them useful.

[–]AllRamonesAllTheTime 0 points1 point ago

/r/spacedicks disagrees.

[–]Thor_Odin_Son 0 points1 point ago

are you really surprised? This is European fapping after all

[–]Athene_Wins 0 points1 point ago

lol. I don't read titles. I just click links.

When viewing, I said to myself "these would not be useful".

We twins, op!

[–]monstermack37 0 points1 point ago

hahah having conversation with boyfriend about what scares him -semi interesting sending him this photo mid-conversation- hilarious getting response back saying "THAT scares me" - priceless

[–]cisthej 0 points1 point ago

maybe for the pain olympics?

[–]Djloudenclear 0 points1 point ago

Upvote for the eggo mini-waffles

[–]Viashiv 0 points1 point ago

Bastards! They stole my fapping ritual tools!

[–]Obiwan123 0 points1 point ago

Extreme Fapping!

[–]soma04 0 points1 point ago

1/10 Not pleasant in the least. Would not recommend.

[–]willienelson24 0 points1 point ago

/r/spacedicks would definitely find this useful.

[–]Brunsamen 0 points1 point ago

False !! Painolympics.

[–]omgwhothehellscares 0 points1 point ago

Let's say it'll never be like this time, ever.

[–]k0mark 0 points1 point ago

well they would be very useful if you planned on entering BME

[–]avgn 0 points1 point ago

Fapping BME style...

[–]HobbitPorn 0 points1 point ago

This is how we fap in Europe, ja?

[–]justjokingnotreally 0 points1 point ago

Best pencil sharpener I ever owned is called the KUM Onit.

[–]mightyguybrush 0 points1 point ago

Really? Welcome to the internet, you must be new here

[–]kabuto 0 points1 point ago

Why do you hide those delicious waffles behind your fap tools?

[–]skeenerbug 0 points1 point ago

I find these hard to masturbate with.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I don't want FAP gahhdammit! I'm a Dapper Dan man!

[–]tomtom547 0 points1 point ago

not with that attitude

[–]Treykun22 0 points1 point ago

I don't see what is so wrong about this.....these are the tools I use to fap with every night!

[–]IronOxide42 0 points1 point ago

I have the weirdest boner.

[–]Joshuagamer2 0 points1 point ago

Fap Level: Pain Olympics

[–]phillychees10 -1 points0 points ago

I thought it was because he couldn't get them out of the plastic...

[–]manna138908 -1 points0 points ago

repost