this post was submitted on
1,049 points (53% like it)
8,792 up votes 7,743 down votes

funny

subscribe2,394,297 readers

7,607 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 160 comments

[–]EightFooted 258 points259 points ago

Your insatiable whore is a bit overweight and your prince charming is socially inept.

[–]Lots42 77 points78 points ago

A bit overweight? Rrrow.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

and I think the guy is also delivering pizzas.

[–]chabanais 14 points15 points ago

That's not a pizza!

[–]omniphage 22 points23 points ago

But it is in a box.

[–]Battletooth 6 points7 points ago

Sir, I would like to know how I could make one of those fancy boxes. Would anyone like to show me a step by step guide? Preferably in 3 steps?

[–]Esc4p3 11 points12 points ago

Step 1: Cut a hole in the box

[–]Chad_Brochill_17 10 points11 points ago

Step 2: Cut a second hole in the box, for redundancy

[–]Battletooth 8 points9 points ago

Step 3: Make her open the empty box with 2 holes in it and wonder what is wrong with us?

[–]SirAuron 1 point2 points ago

Damn it, I thought this was going somewhere.

[–]GlassSoldier 1 point2 points ago

Step 4: Throw it on the ground

[–]FUCK_YEAH_DUDE 2 points3 points ago

Something witty about sausages.

[–]chabanais 1 point2 points ago

Yeah but that box isn't made out of cardboard.

[–]PtP_Pluto 9 points10 points ago

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

I knew this had to exist, but it's so much more funny now that I've actually seen it. Thanks internet!

[–]Rainfly_X 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure it's from a fetish site that has nothing but pizza porn. I can't remember the name, but I swear I saw it in a Cracked article awhile back. If I was not lazy, I would look that up for you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

In all honesty I'm just about as intrigued by the idea of a pizza fetish site as the actual source of this video... This is just a world of mindfuck for my less than kinky self. |:

[–]SirAuron 1 point2 points ago

That look of disgust on her face; that guy will remember that for the rest of his life, well, until he bangs that super-hot Russian chick.

[–]mabobby 18 points19 points ago

Oh you are so very very right. Though she is not a bit overweight, she's thoroughly overweight. And socially inept does not even begin to describe m--- er him.

[–]airboat 12 points13 points ago

Isn't a socially inept prince charming an oxymoron?

[–]giever 6 points7 points ago

Some people find social ineptitude charming!

[–]airboat 13 points14 points ago

Where do I find these people?

[–]adorabledork 7 points8 points ago

On Reddit.

[–]shamecamel 1 point2 points ago

far away from meeting anyone who is socially inept.

[–]buttzirra 32 points33 points ago

so they're both redditors?

[–]EthicalReasoning 0 points1 point ago

in moms basement

and they are related

[–]stop_being-a-dick 8 points9 points ago

They're both socially inept and overweight.

[–]Bloodfeastisleman 16 points17 points ago

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus

[–]Saifire18 9 points10 points ago

but he talks like a gentleman

[–]cyruschn 7 points8 points ago

Like you imagined when you were young

[–]Saifire18 -3 points-2 points ago

Somebody told me you had a boyfriend

[–]Theqman24 4 points5 points ago

dude we were doing a When You Were Young thread, and you ruined it.

[–]DoWhile 0 points1 point ago

WHEN I WAS

[–]Saifire18 0 points1 point ago

"we were"? I don't see any of your comments up there, but mine is. Calm yo tits, theqman24, nothing is ruined.

[–]blueman66 1 point2 points ago

Sounds like an average redditor

[–]shamecamel 1 point2 points ago

I like how for the chick it's about her looks. Yep I think this thread is about on par so far

[–]GreaterGatsby84 30 points31 points ago

Disney taught me that, as a prince, it's okay to kiss girls while they are sleeping.

My court order taught me otherwise.

[–]Lots42 91 points92 points ago

Honestly, I'd rather date a Disney princess (as fucked up as they are) then a porn character.

[–]Virindi_UO 158 points159 points ago

I just realized you typed "then" rather than "than".

I too would rather date a Disney princess then a porn character.

[–]Lots42 117 points118 points ago

Finally, a typo that simply improves the situation.

[–]Battletooth 17 points18 points ago

Oh. We all know it wasn't a typo. This man knew what he said.

[–]ATownStomp 20 points21 points ago

I'd prefer it the other way around. You get it out of your system with the porn hoe, then you're ready to rule over a kingdom with your princess.

[–]MisterMcDuck 23 points24 points ago

Get it out of your system? Is there some way to stop wanting sex every day that I'm unaware of?

[–]omniphage 3 points4 points ago

Kingdom of whores. Why can't we have both?

[–]kebukai 5 points6 points ago

It's called fornication, but it's still just a temporal measure

[–]dannyboylee 2 points3 points ago

Captain, sensors are detecting a temporal measure...

[–]InABritishAccent 2 points3 points ago

Exactly, if anything after a month of insatiable pornstar sex I would be fucking frustrated by the innocence of the princess. I'm assuming that the princes isn't a freak in the sack by the way.

[–]Stompedyourhousewith 1 point2 points ago

you should always comparison shop.

[–]Virindi_UO 2 points3 points ago

enjoy the starfish in bed

[–]Lots42 13 points14 points ago

Hell, with Disney, the starfish would provide a musical accompinement to sex.

[–]Scratchlax 5 points6 points ago

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Oh I will.

[–]SirAuron 0 points1 point ago

How are they fucked up? They are adorable, and I would much rather date a disney princess than a pornstar, unless she was really intelligent and not snobby, which is nary the case.

[–]Lots42 1 point2 points ago

Let's see; Belle has Stolkholm Syndrome. Ariel is a jealous dingbat with no concern for others. Jasmine has severe problems for her overbearing dad.

[–]Mekanikos 0 points1 point ago

[–]SonOfDadOfSam 47 points48 points ago

Solution: Disney needs to make porn.

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points ago

I can shoooow you my cooooooock, shiiiining shimmering spleeeeendiiiiid!

[–]blinkus 9 points10 points ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Tagged as: Princely Penis

[–]Saifire18 10 points11 points ago

why not agrahballs

[–]r3verse_ 0 points1 point ago

I started singing that..then ended very abruptly

[–]IdTugYourBoat 5 points6 points ago

Disney porn exists, Disney just wasn't responsible for it, and probably definitely didn't endorse it.

[–]Bloodfeastisleman 1 point2 points ago

Oh the things you would find with google.

[–]Beerblebrox 120 points121 points ago

They need to make porn where the dude gets laid because of his charming, princely actions, and they need to make Disney movies where the princess meets her prince charming while taking it in the ass.

Problem solved!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]omniphage 23 points24 points ago

Brb, putting "Kissing the Frog" up on UrbanDictionary.

[–]oneeyedpenguin 6 points7 points ago

not up yet.....

[–]omniphage 5 points6 points ago

"Submission under review

Your entry is under review by editors."

Not my fault.

[–]oneeyedpenguin 0 points1 point ago

i know it takes a little while, I kinda meant that to convey my impatience to give it a thumbs up, but did it poorly

[–]eugenerhan 49 points50 points ago

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points ago

He's married. She's 40.

[–]mojomonkeyfish 2 points3 points ago

By 40, I think you mean to say, "not into you". I've found that all women who are attracted to oneself tend to be "insatiable". I haven't met a lot of "satiable" women, come to think of it.

[–]aboardthegravyboat 3 points4 points ago

upvoted because ... yeah.. unless they have other issues, the ones I've been with were pretty insatiable.

However, they do tend to get hornier with age, so "40" is fairly accurate.

[–]madmonkeymud 11 points12 points ago

Why wasn't Disney underlined? Porn was underlined. I think Disney needs more recognition.

[–]SvenHudson 16 points17 points ago

I hate it when people emphasize random words.

[–]missambs 6 points7 points ago

People should be a little more of both.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

Where the hell is my insatiable prince charming?

[–]underline2 4 points5 points ago

James Deen to the rescue.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

slowclap.gif

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

But what if I don't want a whore?

[–]airboat 41 points42 points ago

Gaaayyyy.

[–]KiwiParade 5 points6 points ago

You're not a real man Jimmy. You're a puppet. It doesn't matter what you want.

[–]InABritishAccent 0 points1 point ago

Cave Johnsons voice, all I can hear when I read this.

[–]my_slutty_alter_ego 3 points4 points ago

You rang?

[–]zunetoon[S] 0 points1 point ago

tits or gtfo

[–]Imwatchingyou69 3 points4 points ago

Pretty much sums up the reason for the gay community.

[–]BolshevikMuppet 2 points3 points ago

It's all about compromises.

You get prince charming when you're a disney princess. You get an insatiable whore when you're a porn star.

For those of us who aren't those things, we need to be comfortable getting the best we can.

Love isn't about finding someone perfect (it turns out Ms. Right is married to Mr. Right, and they're quite happy), it's about finding someone whose bullshit you can put up with and who puts up with your bullshit.

[–]Self_Hating_Liberal 2 points3 points ago

I don't want an insatiable whore. I want a girl who actually isn't a whore.

[–]odd84 6 points7 points ago

[–]bytemovies 12 points13 points ago

[–]monstercake 6 points7 points ago

This would have been better without the random underlines. not sure what that's about.

[–]The_Adventurist 1 point2 points ago

I don't think it's a perfect comparison, most people generally watch Disney movies when they're younger and more impressionable and can't yet differentiate between fantasy and reality. Porn comes into play during puberty and it's always incredibly unrealistic "oh, hello mr pizza man, do you have an extra large sausage for me?" Only a true idiot would think what happens in porn is applicable to the real world, this would be a person who also thinks all movies are real.

[–]vonCam 1 point2 points ago

Last thing I would ever want is an insatiable whore.

[–]andrewsmith1986 9 points10 points ago

When I showed that to my gf, she called me a pervert.

[–]TheJoel2012 62 points63 points ago

When I showed this to my gf, she called andrewsmith1986 a karmawhore pervert.

[–]Intrepid00 12 points13 points ago

I was watching an old tv episode of a game show and they asked an old couple what was their secret. The old guy said find a woman that was a lady in public but a whore in bedroom. She slapped him, but then just grinned.

It was kind of sweet.

[–]stop_being-a-dick 5 points6 points ago

We all know you don't have a gf.

[–]cojack22 2 points3 points ago

My gf said the same..

[–]homerjsimpson4 12 points13 points ago

I don't have a girlfriend....

[–]MacMcIrish 5 points6 points ago

Uh... Cool...

[–]homerjsimpson4 11 points12 points ago

:'( i'm so lonely...

[–]BornWithCuriosity 1 point2 points ago

Hey there. You looking for a good time?

[–]homerjsimpson4 5 points6 points ago

WILL YOU MARRY ME?!?!

[–]BornWithCuriosity 0 points1 point ago

YES.

[–]homerjsimpson4 1 point2 points ago

:D

[–]cucchiaio 0 points1 point ago

I showed this to my boyfriend and we decided we are perfect for each other.

[–]Poultry_Sashimi 6 points7 points ago

The media are to blame.

Media is the plural form of medium. *The More You Know!

[–]infectedapricot 13 points14 points ago

I disagree. When people talk about "the media" they don't literally mean the media on which the information is published, they mean the group of people that publish into the public domain using these media. In this sense "the media" is a mass noun (like "water") so "is" is correct. Language evolves.

Of course the old meaning still exists, and when you're using that I would agree with you e.g. "the internet is an exciting new media" is wrong.

[–]Poultry_Sashimi 2 points3 points ago

Hmmm. You present a very valid point, I'm going to have to think about this some more.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

You really don't have to. It doesn't matter.

[–]phenomenomnom 0 points1 point ago

thanks! i logged in to be that guy, but you already showed up!

[–]zunetoon[S] 0 points1 point ago

Good thing you were late cause he was wrong.

[–]phenomenomnom 0 points1 point ago

no, friend, i am afraid he was right. if he means radio, television and so on, radio is one communications medium. television is another medium. newspapers are a medium for news, opinion and advertising.

like that. when you refer to all of these modes of communication together, they are called mass media.

mass because they reach lots of people at once and media because it's the plural of the Latin word medium.

[–]auchim 4 points5 points ago

I would like to point out for the gentlemen (ahem) here that if you act like a (non-douchey) Prince Charming (because that guy was kind of a douche) and sweep a girl way the fuck off her feet and date her for a few years and treat her very very very nice and you guys take care of each other and are nice to each other, the occasional rocky patch notwithstanding, and work at figuring yourselves and each other out in bed - like really work at it, both of you - sooner or later you will have an insatiable whore, and she will too, and you can even call her that occasionally in the heat of passion, if she's into that, provided you tell her you respect her after. And you will discover those porno flick bitches (I. Deck, 1997) really aren't nearly as good in bed as you might be led to believe.

[–]Snip-Snap 2 points3 points ago

No. It's stupidity that's to blame. It's not the media, it's not disney, it's not porn, it's your own stupid expectations that fantasies should be real. Nothing else. Quit trying to pass the blame.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

exactly... if no one watches the shit you don't have a problem.

[–]Forever_Stoopit -1 points0 points ago

It's not watching it that's the problem. It's expecting people to act like the fictional characters therein.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

implying you have the ability to prevail against subconscious thoughts engrained by brainwashing of media.

[–]charl3y 1 point2 points ago

The existance of porn for men benefits women. Imagine if all of the men were not able to release their desires to an image, then the men would need some other way to achieve their ends, often times through rape.

[–]amorfismos 2 points3 points ago

skewed perspectives for everyone!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

The people who give in to watching them and believing what is scripted is a reflection of reality might actually be to blame.

[–]ltg313 0 points1 point ago

That underlining is the worst. I hate whoever made this.

[–]thatssorelevant 0 points1 point ago

I said this a while ago to a friend of mine.

There are three powerful industries which actually advance technology:

  • Porn
  • Disney
  • War

And that's about it. Disney has done more for technology than most other private companies. Disney had some of the first Animatronic robots, and has done a lot for innovation & robotics. As has Porn for the media industry. Hell, there are better flash players on Porn sites than on youtube.

And well...you know about war.

[–]cassexy 0 points1 point ago

porn always makes me wish for my prince charming too

[–]thimblyjoe 0 points1 point ago

You know there's a song about this very principle.

[–]xbecca20 0 points1 point ago

this is why my mom didn't let me watch disney movies.

[–]Iable-A 0 points1 point ago

And I was going to repost this in the morning

[–]dkevinscalf 0 points1 point ago

This fucking thing AGAIN! I see this image once a month!

[–]TheBrokenWorld 1 point2 points ago

Who the hell would want an insatiable whore? Insatiable whore = cheating, disease infested whore.

[–]fortunenookie 1 point2 points ago

i disagree. both my master and i agree that i am his "insatiable whore," yet i stay faithful and completely disease-free. i am his and only his, to fulfill any and all of his dirty fantasies at any time. to be used and abused, in return for his love, care, and devotion.

[–]Omniusaspirer 2 points3 points ago

O.O

[–]LandoSystem920 1 point2 points ago

I remember the day I realized I was that guy. looks at hand We'll always have the internet!

[–]rawrgs 0 points1 point ago

Prince charming is a clingy, lousy lay, and the insatiable whore always comes with bucketloads of crazy to ruin every other aspect of your life.

[–]theMCL -1 points0 points ago

So true....I wish my girl was a dirty whore....Smh

[–]lud1120 0 points1 point ago

I think I've seen this 3 times now.

[–]jeannaimard -4 points-3 points ago

If women would learn how far a blowjob can go, the world would be a much better place, with far less frustrated men.

[–]DeepRoot 1 point2 points ago

Truer words haven't been spoken.

[–]hanswermhat -2 points-1 points ago

Media are to blame.

[–]anonymousHacker -2 points-1 points ago

Repost, 10,000.