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top 200 commentsshow all 422

[–]tocksin 217 points218 points ago

Ahh Toledo, the asshole of America...

[–]zeroesandones 112 points113 points ago

As someone who accidentally went to Toledo once, I can confirm this statement.

[–]McBurger 15 points16 points ago

I wound up in Toledo once. But I did not simply "wind up" there like one winds up at Denny's. It was much worse.

[–]ericcurty 27 points28 points ago

I had a steak at Denny's once. That's one of the worst decisions I've ever made.

[–]Kalashnikov74 4 points5 points ago

Local police officer once told me they can't eat at the Denny's here in uniform. Too many ex convicts work in the kitchen.

[–]Beautifuldays 1 point2 points ago

This can be confirmed, Denny's serves to feed the completely exhausted and totally wasted, no in between and God help you if you go in there sober looking for a delicious meal.

[–]encyclopediagalactic 5 points6 points ago

[–]goodstuff10 83 points84 points ago

Disagree. I drove through Gary, Indiana once.

[–]nemomnemosyne 17 points18 points ago

As an Infiana resident I support this statement.

[–]pujuma 30 points31 points ago

where's Infiana ?

[–]spartanjet 42 points43 points ago

Somewhere in Mecico

[–]diamondcutters 14 points15 points ago

Near Chili.

[–]OldSchoolBatman 1 point2 points ago

Across from chipotle.

[–]dipittydoop[!] 1 point2 points ago

Which is somewhere in Aftica.

[–]ruthlesscanuk 1 point2 points ago

As did I. We actually stopped and got food from a Subway. Wondered why the workers were behind what looked like bullet-proof glass. Only later read how dangerous the city is suppose to be. O_o

[–]DeepSpaceHomer 6 points7 points ago

So is NYC the prostate then?

[–]shwafish 16 points17 points ago

And Texas is our bitch tits.

[–]nealski77 1 point2 points ago

Texas has some very nice tits

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

As a person who lives in Texas, confirmed. A million times over.

[–]Beautifuldays 1 point2 points ago

Damn it, why are we always the bitch tits :(

[–]VikingHedgehog 10 points11 points ago

But, but...I live in Toledo.

[–]maC69 7 points8 points ago

Butt, but you live in toledo

[–]RedStag86 1 point2 points ago

Me too. I know it's not great, but there's way worse.

[–]I_Found_Four_Oh_Four 1 point2 points ago

Like Gary, Indiana

[–]GeorgieFruit 4 points5 points ago

Former Toledoan here: Can confirm this is the truth.

[–]NedryOS 1 point2 points ago

Hey fuck you I live there! No, wait, you're right. Though some of us aren't pieces of shit, we don't outnumber the rest of them.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Detroit is totally fucked.

[–]I_Found_Four_Oh_Four 1 point2 points ago

Detroit isn't part of America. It's more like Rwanda or something

[–]nolez 1 point2 points ago

So Miami's our dick then? I guess our metaphorical sex machine makes Snooki look like a virgin then, eh?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ReevisIsland 4 points5 points ago

Europe is bigger

[–]donneltj 2 points3 points ago

I figured Detroit would be more appropriate as the asshole of America

[–]encyclopediagalactic 7 points8 points ago

Detroit seems more of a colon to me. A colon that hasn't seen much fiber.

[–]aforu 123 points124 points ago

Come on, all the continents are doing it, if you get my drift.

[–]winsaurus 23 points24 points ago

I was looking for the worst pun in these here comments...

YOU, sir, have achieved a great thing here.

[–]macaronisalad 12 points13 points ago

Hey, it's not his fault he's really good at continent jokes

[–]sydiot 2 points3 points ago

He should have left that one on the shelf.

[–]itsdeuce 1 point2 points ago

CONVERGENT PLATES BITCH!!

[–]Gorillaz2189 47 points48 points ago

TIL I live in Canada's penis.

[–]rapid_business 15 points16 points ago

You and 12 million other sperm .... er.... people.

[–]BigNikiStyle 1 point2 points ago

TIL I live on the tip.

[–]Dr-Rex-Cannon 1 point2 points ago

[–]Gengarbengar 128 points129 points ago

Love that Alaska looks like scumbag steves hat

[–]FeroxJuhuu 19 points20 points ago

Canada clearly stole that hat before the rape started.

[–]Boreal_girl 1 point2 points ago

Who's been pounding your Michigan?

Scumbag Steve, Scumbag Steve.

Now Detroit smells like fish again.

Scumbag Steve, Scumbag Steve.

[–]Ogosh 123 points124 points ago

Windsor, the dickhead of Canada.

[–]nahumgald 40 points41 points ago*

Man, now every time I cross the bridge from windsor to Detroit I'm gonna feel like jizz

[–]brookesy2 7 points8 points ago

Bridges are for chumps, real men use the tunnel!! :)

[–]BigNikiStyle 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit, we are jizz! But only if you take the tunnel.

[–]ZombEnt 1 point2 points ago

What about going back? O.o

[–]IrrelevantUsernames 31 points32 points ago

used to live in Windsor I can confirm this.

[–]Legoandsprit 11 points12 points ago

Never been to Windsor but I can try and confirm this.

[–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 35 points36 points ago

I'm from Mexico and we have tacos.

[–]Sinical 10 points11 points ago

Not sure if name relevant...

[–]tuoder 5 points6 points ago

Who cares? Tacos!

[–]sexlexia_survivor 9 points10 points ago

Looks like we are going to have to invade Windsor for making us look gay.

[–]twelve-zero 7 points8 points ago

Sadly... this is a rather excellent metaphor for the Windsor-Detroit region... Windsor has a Flaccid economy (Impotence) ... With shoppers(sperm) wandering aimlessly around Detroit (Asshole of America) spending their money. And btw.. america's asshole has been reamed out pretty nicely by the automotive sector...

[–]pyrokineticplatypus 1 point2 points ago

Having lived in Windsor all my life, this is the comment I was looking to upvote.

[–]Boreal_girl 1 point2 points ago

Also known as: South Detroit - Steve Perry

[–][deleted] 156 points157 points ago

America, fucked yeah!

[–]Measly 24 points25 points ago

Cumming again to save the motherfuckin' day yeah!

[–]Chaserboy 233 points234 points ago

I think we can all agree that America is a power bottom.

[–]hupcapstudios 44 points45 points ago

What's a power bottom?

[–]Dr_TattyWaffles 36 points37 points ago

Now, Dennis, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.

[–]d00dsm00t 31 points32 points ago

Speed has EVERYTHING to do with it

[–]eIectricsheep 17 points18 points ago

You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply.

[–]HowYaGuysDoin 3 points4 points ago

Speed is the name of the game. Isn't that right pal?

[–]MakeupPiggy 125 points126 points ago

They push back when they get fucked in the ass.

[–]eatingham 17 points18 points ago

They don't lie there like a dead body. "I like being a bottom because I don't have to do anything!" Bullshit.

[–]MakeupPiggy 20 points21 points ago

I never understand that mentality (applied to both men and women) either. Why would you just lie there and not participate during sex?

[–]eatingham 16 points17 points ago

Laziness. sigh

[–]ZoopZeZoop 24 points25 points ago

Also, inexperience.

[–]mynoduesp 12 points13 points ago

Also, out of shape.

[–]deannapolis 37 points38 points ago

Guys have no idea what effort it takes for girls to straddle you and bounce up and down and tornado twist or whatever the fuck tickles your pickle while keeping a good rhythm. Sometimes we wanna lie there and just take a weiner and not have to do anything. BUT. This is only an exception once in a while. Laying there like a dead fish every sexy time is not okay. Over and out.

[–]mike_birbiglia 8 points9 points ago

Hope you are only talking to the guys that don't know how to take it up the ass...

[–]deannapolis 9 points10 points ago

It was implied. But gay men know what's up. That shit is a workout.

[–]mattbluesman 1 point2 points ago

It will eventually.

[–]mistressofmischief 3 points4 points ago

That's why I mix up my on-top with some up and down "bouncing" or whatever you want to call it and some back and forth "grinding" (make sure you don't hurt him) for clitoral stimulation. I could actually grind my guy the whole time and make him cum that way, but I like to switch it up.

That said, sometimes I just wanna be on the bottom and "just take a weiner and not have to do anything".

[–]deannapolis 2 points3 points ago

Yeah the grindeage too. I like doing that but he prefers the bounce. You wanna know a really good workout? Stand up reverse cowgirl while he sits at the corner/edge of the bed. You'll have thighs of steel in no time.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]mistressofmischief 2 points3 points ago

Well, different people like different things. It's unfortunate, but I liken it to the fact that in-and-out penetration isn't going to get most girls off. That's why you give and take.

Also, different people do things differently. It could be that she was never doing it in a way that worked for you. When I'm grinding him, his dick is moving back and forth, but it's also moving in and out a bit.

[–]isomorphZeta 2 points3 points ago

When I'm grinding him, his dick is moving back and forth, but it's also moving in and out a bit.

This. This is a glorious thing. Done right, grinding can be fantastic for both parties.

[–]ATownStomp 1 point2 points ago

That's because she's not doing it right.

[–]stevesonaplane 1 point2 points ago

..I have a bad back. :(

[–]LessGayThanTwilight 2 points3 points ago

To be fair though, getting fucked in the ass is a pretty overwhelming experience.

I usually top, but when I bottom, I'm gripping the headboard with all I've got and just moaning.

[–]didntVoteObama 3 points4 points ago

....and yet you STILL arent as gay as Twilight. Damn.

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 71 points72 points ago

I'm legitimately glad I learnt this fact and I also have a semi brewing because of it.

[–]AlisonCreates 3 points4 points ago

A better definition is a "top" acting as a "bottom". They're they type to scream "harder!" without asking when you're beating them.

[–]Zigtastic 18 points19 points ago

Give us the maple syrup. All over Vermont.

[–]Sacrament_of_Swords 5 points6 points ago

It's a bottom that generates an ENORMOUS amount of power.

[–]joulesChachin 7 points8 points ago

Being an American is hard... Nice and hard.

[–]Whybanme 2 points3 points ago

We got booty in the pants.

[–]Will7357 6 points7 points ago

WOOP WOOP! Pull over dat ass too fat!

[–]MjrPothead 76 points77 points ago

As a Canadian living in America, this was just forwarded to everyone in my company. I may be out of a job later today, but I win the email chain.

[–]JackAceHole 18 points19 points ago

InsanityWolf.gif

[–]TheYuppieWord 14 points15 points ago

Woah woah woah, insanity wolf is a gif now?

[–]roodypoo926 3 points4 points ago

That's the real insanity of it

[–]forgotpasswordd 1 point2 points ago

don't worry buddy they aren't going to give a shit you're still Canadian

[–]madumimike 43 points44 points ago

looks like 'Merica is definitely more hung...

[–]perfectmachine 88 points89 points ago

Yeah, but if I know anything about Florida, we're gonna need some viagra.

[–]shivers13 16 points17 points ago

...but what is America doing to mexico?

[–]madumimike 120 points121 points ago

giving them jobs...

[–]I_am_Mexico 32 points33 points ago

[–]Rude_Urbanism 6 points7 points ago

I don't know, but it's giving Cuba the money shot.

[–]ChocolateMeoww 11 points12 points ago

I'm more worried about Canada's gaping asshole than anything.

[–]chingyduster 14 points15 points ago

That's left from us getting fucked by England's Monarchy.

[–]tuhan 7 points8 points ago

Canadian here. I don't like how we seem to have the smaller dick.

[–]pasmeme 1 point2 points ago

It's more about how you use it.

[–]McDeau 1 point2 points ago

How are your jimmies doin'?

[–]dedtigers 18 points19 points ago

Can never unsee for the rest of my life

[–]thesweetj 9 points10 points ago

Don't stick your dick in crazy.

[–]tunnelsnakesrule 39 points40 points ago

Sorry.

[–]EnorMoose 39 points40 points ago

I sincerely hope, for Canada's sake, they wore a rubber.

[–]GCanuck 61 points62 points ago

No... We caught the Harper.

Might clear up in 3 years, but I still think we should see a doctor.

[–]BigNikiStyle 2 points3 points ago

Might clear up? I'm not crazy about Harper, but I'd be surprised if any other party could force a minority government, never mind form a new government

[–]phoenix25 1 point2 points ago

well done sir.

[–]CanadianTongue 34 points35 points ago

It's ok, we have free healthcare

[–]FatherVic 1 point2 points ago

Probably plenty of rubbers in lake Michigan

[–]booksandcigar 26 points27 points ago

HETALIA

[–]Mowmowmowmow 4 points5 points ago

Pairing countries before it was cool.

[–]AxisZenith 3 points4 points ago

The anime fans are everywhere nowadays!

Especially the yaoi fangirls.

[–]Whitecalf731 19 points20 points ago

It even looks like Canada is reaching back for a beer.

[–]ha2liny 16 points17 points ago

A beer? Or about to do something very naughty with Baffin Island?

[–]Whitecalf731 10 points11 points ago

All of the above. Baffin Island keeps beer in it's cooch. Everyone knows that.

[–]What_She_Order 8 points9 points ago

god forbid it gives America a reach around once in a while...

[–]kallexander 38 points39 points ago

I love how Canada stole Americas hat before he fucked him, just to maximize the humiliation.

[–]jagablack 4 points5 points ago

Oh man... that makes it twice as funny!

[–]perfectmachine 3 points4 points ago

As an American, I can assure you this is all consensual, oh yehh

[–]lisabadcat 4 points5 points ago

Canada is in America! No, I mean Canada is in America. You're not listening...

[–]olafthebent 12 points13 points ago

Bite down on Cuba hard... we're going in dry

[–]markman71122 4 points5 points ago

Why is Canada wearing americas hat. Kinky....

[–]the_tab_key 2 points3 points ago

I gather that it was america pooping on Canada's head as foreplay.

[–]Avohaj 4 points5 points ago

Wow, Rule 34 never disappoints. Really...never.

[–]UILHOK 2 points3 points ago

So basically we are being done up the butt by canada and canada is wearing a scumbag steve hat.. haha :)

[–]Bene123 3 points4 points ago

and that's when you realize James Bay / Hudson Bay look like a turtle watching country sex.

[–]sousuki91 2 points3 points ago

can not unsee, NOOO!!!!

[–]Exceedingly 4 points5 points ago

[–]Britzer 3 points4 points ago*

Obligatory Family Guy quote:

Brian Griffin: Well, uh... I suppose if you imagine it like a parking space, that you think, "Gosh, there's no way I'm gonna be able to fit in there." But then you fold in the side-view mirrors and, sure enough, well, look at that.

Stewie Griffin: Well, in that scenario, it sounds like I'd rather be the parking space than the car.

Brian Griffin: Yeah, that's what I've always guessed.

[Edit:] And here is the video.

[–]Drulan 2 points3 points ago

Think of Alaska as hat....

Scumbag Canada...Smiles while raping America

[–]Klhronc 9 points10 points ago

They see us rapin they hatin

[–]confusedX 2 points3 points ago

then wtf is Alaska? O.O

[–]bradmin 2 points3 points ago

And apparently Canada enjoys fisting.

[–]threwitawaynow 2 points3 points ago

You're the type of country to fuck another country in the ass and not even have the courtesy to give them a reach around!

[–]Hyphnip 7 points8 points ago

And if a Republican wins this fall, I can see America attacking Canada for this piece of land so that America doesn't look gay anymore.

[–]Buum 11 points12 points ago

America isn't only restricted to U.S.A. it's the whole conti- ..... nevermind, im out.

[–]MistaPita 2 points3 points ago

Exactly, I expected one of the top comments to be complaining about the title since everything in the picture is Nothern America. Instead I find you downvoted.

[–]I_am_not_angry 3 points4 points ago

I guess that makes us the Catcher?

[–]Squalor- 3 points4 points ago

The Catcher and the American Pie.

[–]maskmaker 1 point2 points ago

why does America have a butt penis?

[–]stimbus 1 point2 points ago

Countries have weird dicks.

[–]karategeek6 1 point2 points ago

What has been seen cannot be unseen...

[–]what_comes_after_q 1 point2 points ago

I actually considered New England to be the phallus of America.

[–]sweeptheaorta 1 point2 points ago

Never been happier to live at the shaft

[–]alsonamedbort87 1 point2 points ago

Cannot unsee.

[–]ChiefWhiteHalfoat 1 point2 points ago

Great lakes of Santorum.

[–]NikkoTheGreeko 1 point2 points ago

You are all ignoring Canada's giant Hudson Bay gaping asshole. How do you think it got that way? It looks like it took the horn of Africa.

[–]terriblehuman 1 point2 points ago

TIL America has 2 or 3 anuses

[–]cinza 1 point2 points ago

I wouldn't be surprised if the USA tried to take the canadian 'dick' land so that doesn't happen...

[–]YayShanni 1 point2 points ago

Oh god... can never unseen. At least Canadians are on top!

[–]Sighguy28 1 point2 points ago

It makes sense...Florida is a penis

[–]Taxidermy_Freak 1 point2 points ago

now THIS is mapporn xDD

(go check /r/mapporn sfw, for real)

[–]Italian_Barrel_Roll 1 point2 points ago

My question is, why does America have such a dismayed face?

[–]Ivitty 1 point2 points ago

What has been seen cannot be unseen!

[–]BigNikiStyle 1 point2 points ago

Woo! Essex county, Ontario is the tip!

[–]Handsome_and_Callous 2 points3 points ago

Essex county being mentioned on Reddit? Am I dreaming?

[–]BigNikiStyle 1 point2 points ago

It was weird for me too!

[–]bdiggs23 1 point2 points ago

Detroit is so shitty because it keeps getting rammed by Canada's dick! Everything makes sense now!

[–]keveready 1 point2 points ago

Can someone PS a reach-around and turn that frown upside down?

[–]idma 1 point2 points ago

dang. so i guess canada and america were originally gay all along. why do we ban same sex marriage again?

[–]tric0030 1 point2 points ago

I totally tilted my head to the left to look at this.

[–]IllBeGoingNow 1 point2 points ago

Does this make Pennsylvania the prostate?

[–]phoenix25 1 point2 points ago

4,379 downvotes. I think we can all guess who those belong to...

[–]Extremerelish 1 point2 points ago

This means I've MasterBated on a penis before...

[–]Hubris2 1 point2 points ago

We're bigger, and we're on top.

If this was prison, America would be our bitch!

[–]paptort 1 point2 points ago

How many years until tectonic plate shifting arranges America into a position where it can get its turn :(

[–]Ccomp5950 3 points4 points ago

The existence of the Hudson Bay shows how much Canada likes to be the bottom.

[–]kaot 2 points3 points ago

[–]EvBotShabeez 1 point2 points ago

I bet you're the kind of Country that would fuck a Country in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give them a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

[–]SpaceOdysseus 1 point2 points ago

Apparently the US has 3 assholes. One for each branch of government, I guess. Canada just has one big gaping asshole. I have no idea what that means.

[–]jagablack 1 point2 points ago

I am sure one of these ingrates is perverted enough to know what it means and attempt an explanation.

[–]psion0027 1 point2 points ago

...and the scumbag hat on canada

[–]Radikov 1 point2 points ago

This explains so much about why people say Canada seems happier than America

[–]Crazyames 1 point2 points ago

No wonder so many Americans are against gay marriage, they are constantly being fucked in the ass by Canada.

[–]FL-Orange 1 point2 points ago

We're the little spoon? Shit.

[–]NormaStits 12 points13 points ago

They ain't spooning'!!

[–]jpdehart 6 points7 points ago

They's forkin'!

[–]EdyP 0 points1 point ago

take all of my upvotes!!! after an all-nighter for my last final, this made me laugh with gusto!

[–]GaugeFOREVER 2 points3 points ago

Canada isn't welcome in North Carolina.

[–]Mayo07J 0 points1 point ago

It's just a handjob.

[–]Tresickle 0 points1 point ago

Someone needs to put Yaranaika's face on this shit.

[–]jpdehart 0 points1 point ago

Well guys, I think it's high time for an annexation

[–]rawrc 0 points1 point ago

And we're giving Canada the ol' reverse reach-around with Alaska

[–]nixity 0 points1 point ago

At least Maine is giving Canada a reach around and tickling its asshole.. or cupping its balls?

[–]badphish94 0 points1 point ago

I guess Alaska is an arm trying to push away?

[–]BCBUDDHA 0 points1 point ago

As a Canadian I can confirm the opposite is true.

[–]scoooot 0 points1 point ago

The funniest part is that America's wang is circled.

[–]Lorimor 0 points1 point ago

Oh the iron-e

[–]MrTheFelix 0 points1 point ago

Didn't anyone notice that the 'C' of Canada looks like a nose?

[–]onionkimm 0 points1 point ago

You can't ignore Canada's girth.