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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]joke32 438 points439 points ago

If I die my pals will smash my computer to smithereens and I offer the same courtesy to them as well

[–]DoranIsNeat 283 points284 points ago

The sacred pact.

[–]barnesandnobles 10 points11 points ago

[–]amysarah 53 points54 points ago

me and a few of my friends have that deal, the survivors have to wipe the dead's computers.

[–]shivalry 33 points34 points ago

spiderman in a diaper

spiderman in a dirty, dirty diaper

animal collective 2012 mediafire

spiderman in a dirty, dirty diaper holding index finger to his lips

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

Animal Collective came out with a new album this year?

[–]birdbrainlabs 17 points18 points ago

Incidentally, a friend's father had that pact with a friend to destroy his "toys" upon his death (the father was secretly--his sons didn't know--into gay bdsm hookups via craigslist). Father was murdered in a botched robbery, so house became a crime scene.

[–]ARoyaleWithCheese 70 points71 points ago

That's not quite the best way, there's a good chance your HDD would be recovered and your friends sued for destroying property. Get some hardcore magnets or those medical shockpads, keep them somewhere save and when shit gets real, just swipe your PC.

[–]Angry_Table_Flipper 35 points36 points ago

Why not just a multi-pass secure write? And let the computer be off for 3-6 hours in a reasonably warm climate to clear off the RAM as well.

[–]whatthefuckisareddit 410 points411 points ago

Because I don't know what that means. I understand smashing.

[–]BoyWithAThorn 117 points118 points ago

ME LIKE SMASH-SMASH, ME NO LIKE MULTI-PASS SECURE WRITE.

[–]unclear_plowerpants 31 points32 points ago

Multipass?

ninjaedit: late to the party... who's the leader here?

[–]excommunicated 41 points42 points ago

Microwave, fire, then smash the glob that's left.

That's multi-pass. Pass that sucker through every attack you can think of.

[–]frickindeal 37 points38 points ago

[–]TheeCandyMan 8 points9 points ago

Just DBAN it.

Burn it to a disk. Reboot the computer with the disk in it. (I think most BIOS setting default is boot to CD rather than HD.) Then erase the drive permanently.

[–]lackingselfcontrol 2 points3 points ago

That's what your "Porn Buddies" are supposed to do for you

[–]Good_Guy_Graig 2 points3 points ago

This is something I never thought of...

I'M OFF TO MAKE FRIENDS!

[–]Old-Ben-Kenobi 917 points918 points ago

It's like that moment of panic when your friend borrows your computer and says he's just going to check out something on youtube.

[–]HungryMoblin 418 points419 points ago

Even worse is when they want to browse Reddit. My friends don't type, they tap keys.

R-E-D

And suddenly my friends know what I fap to.

[–]flyfree 640 points641 points ago

Use incognito/private browsing!

[–]Datastream 409 points410 points ago

But then how will I have easy access to my favorite videos?

[–]idiocracyftw 456 points457 points ago

Make a notepad file and hide it somewhere deep in the fathoms of your C:\ drive. Name it something harmless, like asjkdflasjkd.txt.

[–]Hyper_Fujisawa 489 points490 points ago

Okay, very relevant horror story here.

In early high school I used this exact plan to hide my fapmarks from my computer inept parents (This was like 99-00 and we had Windows 98.) Anyways, my mother gets on the comp and opens notepad to make a document for whatever, and in the File drop down it had that recently used documents menu. I really don't know how, but my mother ends up opening up my fapmarks.

The embarrassment is far from over. My mother, being computer illiterate as she is and staring down a long list of url gibberish smattered with the occasional naughty word like "star wars erotica" cough.. she writes down every url and then calls my best friends dad who works with computers for a living and asks what they are. Fast forward a week to when I'm spending the night at my best friends house, his dad comes into the room as were playing LAN games and proceeds to ask my why my mom had to call him up to ask him about my porn.

Words cannot describe this shame.

[–]idlefritz 179 points180 points ago

My 1989 16 year-old equivalent was coming home to find that my bed was in the process of being sold. A bed which was 1/2 sleeping furniture and 1/2 porn stash concealer. Best moment was rounding the corner to my bedroom hearing my grandma's voice say, "Oh for god's sake..."

[–]Hyper_Fujisawa 79 points80 points ago

Before we had a computer in my house (when I was like 11) I as well stashed playboys I borrowed from my dad/found in a neighborhood recycling bin under my mattress. I remember accidentally overhearing my parents discussing how to handle the situation after my mom stumbled upon them, and my dad saying something along the lines of "Jesus! This is totally normal! Leave him alone!"

If you can't tell yet my mom was bit of a prude when it came to my upbringing.

Additionally, after I learned my mattress hiding spot had been blown I began to hide my mags inside a garbage bag under a bunch of dead leaves on the roof of my tree house.

Kids these days don't know how easy they have it.

[–]Vimsefreet 18 points19 points ago

I had an abandoned barn like 120m from my house. Nice hidingplace.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago*

See, with outdoors hidingplaces though, they don't always remain personal, and can sometimes become some sort of communal masturbatorium.

[–]EsperSpirit 10 points11 points ago

I want to upvote your dad for being reasonable. :)

[–]magusopus 14 points15 points ago

I'm lightheaded from the laughing I just did (and the horror I could imagine you had in the split second of time).

Had to be your grandmother of all people....

[–]RussianOnReddit 45 points46 points ago

Thanks for the morning laugh. This is genuinely funny.

[–]Hyper_Fujisawa 22 points23 points ago

Just glad one of my best stories wasn't buried at the bottom for once! /thumbs up

[–]snatchzilla 63 points64 points ago

Similar thing happened to me. I think it might be weirder as a girl, because your parents don't really expect you to be flicking your bean to internet porn. My parents were pretty distressed when they found the x-files fan fiction erotica on their computer. Both of them are fundie christians so I ended up being drug to a cabin for the weekend where my mother read some anti-porn religious texts to me aloud. It was traumatizing but it sure didn't dissuade me from figuring out how to give myself great orgasms.

[–]YodaResponse 13 points14 points ago

Excellent username :-)

[–]WisconsnNymphomaniac 27 points28 points ago

The most embarrassing incident that happened to me is when I was saving images I accidently clicked on the Set as Desktop Background and didn't realize it before turning off the computer to do other things. A few hours later my mom yells for me. Upon walking in to the computer room I see an image of a blonde lady getting anal as the desktop background and my mom glaring at me. God that was embarrassing.

[–]floorface 23 points24 points ago

I used to download pictures on Kazaa and save them onto floppy disks. God that sounds like gibberish now. I have no idea what I did with those disks, but my Dad continued to use floppy disks well into their obsolescence.

I never heard anything, but I'm sure he stumbled onto a disk full of Photoshopped Topanga porn at some point.

[–]devoting_my_time 134 points135 points ago

Mine is called "README", nobody reads those.

[–]MadMagyar92 26 points27 points ago

I... I read those :(

[–]CarolineTurpentine 11 points12 points ago

Why?

[–]MadMagyar92 8 points9 points ago

Because I screw up my game mods if I don't :(

[–]Dundasbro 16 points17 points ago

Mine is called EULA.

[–]IllBidOneDollarBob 313 points314 points ago

This man knows exactly what he's doing.

[–]digitaljeff51 35 points36 points ago

Thought that was common knowledge?

[–]rednecktash 42 points43 points ago

most sane people are way too lazy to do dumb shit like that

[–]BlackStrain 5 points6 points ago

Hardly. The pros create a truecrypt volume and put Firefox Portable in it.

[–]ani625 17 points18 points ago

Porn is serious business, my friend.

[–]kanst 271 points272 points ago

My porn is located in a folder called porn on my desktop. I have nothing to hide.

[–]davepople 206 points207 points ago

Forever Alone

[–]NOCLAMDIGGER 145 points146 points ago

No, this is a great idea. People will know exactly what they're getting into. When they feel dirty afterward they have only themselves to blame. Better yet, one folder named clown porn, one named my greatest faps ... Nothing to hide, no regrets.

[–]alphgeek 114 points115 points ago

one folder named clown porn

one named my greatest faps

Unnecessary redundancy.

[–]arienh4 57 points58 points ago

Redundancy is per definition unnecessary, so that phrase is redundant.

[–]kinkychub 57 points58 points ago

this is how I feel about everything weird I do in private. if someone comes snooping into my room and finds my sex toys then god damnit thats their fault not mine.

[–]KorbenD2263 86 points87 points ago

That's great, until you end up with a new nickname, eh, kinky chub?!?

[–]kanst 25 points26 points ago

More so, comfortable with who I am. I jerk off, often. Why hide it?

If someone is clicking around randomly and ends up on porn that is weird. If they open a folder titled porn, what the fuck do they expect.

[–]sirkablaam 35 points36 points ago

Insert obligatory Arrested Development dove scene here

[–]HandsomeDan 29 points30 points ago

That's what we call "decoy porn." That's where he keeps his classy porn. The tame pornos with a plot. People find that and search no further. But if you look deeper into his C:\ drive, you'll find the sick shit he's really into.

[–]kanst 27 points28 points ago

Maybe I am weird, but I don't really enjoy the weird stuff. Almost strictly amateur stuff. I like girls who look like people I meet in my everyday life.

[–]towerdweller 35 points36 points ago

Wow. You're sick, man.

[–]TyPower 26 points27 points ago

Nice decoy comment, Kanst.

[–]cuminmyanus 21 points22 points ago

Same here. I have nothing to hide. Only that I name it 'family videos'.

[–]smactosh 47 points48 points ago

Same here I have nothing to hide. Only they are family videos.

[–]cuminmyanus 7 points8 points ago

yea...yea...same thing.

[–]aikoe 43 points44 points ago

How to create a hidden folder

  • -create a folder
  • -right click on folder and select properties
  • -select customize tab and click on "change icon", a dialog box appears
  • -click on an empty area and click ok
  • -now, you should rename your folder, press F2 and then hold down ALT and type 255 and finally press ENTER

[–]ThereIsAThingForThat 19 points20 points ago

Why not just tick "Hide folder"?

[–]RetroViruses 29 points30 points ago

Because I need my hidden folders visible to install Minecraft mods.

[–]ThereIsAThingForThat 5 points6 points ago

Run -> %appdata%

Now you don't need hidden folders visible, I honestly didn't know Roaming was hidden, since that's how I've always done it.

[–]randfur 7 points8 points ago

Other people know about alt-255? I don't feel special anymore...

[–]foreverisalongtime 36 points37 points ago

mine is subtley hidden in a folder named faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap

[–]Icdedpipl 30 points31 points ago

Hmmm. Mine is named ''Porn folder. Yeah, you read that right." and it only contains wallpapers. ''Dragon Age : Redemption'' is where the goodies are at.

[–]Lvl9LightSpell 57 points58 points ago

Dangerous. People might open that one. You might want to rename it "Dragon Age II", nobody will go in there.

[–]Tollaneer 21 points22 points ago

Reverse psychology. Brilliant.

[–]Strangely_Calm 13 points14 points ago

Aha. The old switcharoo. My ones a hidden folder called New Folder. They'll never guess what's inside!

[–]TexasWithADollarsign 6 points7 points ago

f7a12p.txt

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]jeffp12 17 points18 points ago

Or just stop giving a shit.

[–]Propagation 19 points20 points ago

Horse porn it is!

[–]infinifunny 39 points40 points ago

Or better yet, stop jacking it on the family computer.

[–]fakened 42 points43 points ago

Seems an unreasonable request.

[–]Gyarados_used_splash 15 points16 points ago

One does not simply...

[–]ThereIsAThingForThat 25 points26 points ago

Put it into a C:\Nickleback folder. No need to hide it deeper.

[–][deleted] 80 points81 points ago

I'd rather people saw my porn than think I have a Nickleback folder.

[–]siamthailand 27 points28 points ago

but then someone will delete it

[–]plekter 5 points6 points ago

better name it something else, something no-one would dare to touch - like system32.dll

[–]SuperCyan 11 points12 points ago

And then delete system32. They'll never be able to find that file, trust me

[–]the_tab_key 33 points34 points ago*

Install a second browser, but make it's shortcut non-obvious (install something like firefox and change it's icon/name to something stupid, like Turbotax). e.g., chrome for regular browsing, Turbotax for the dirty stuff.

[–]Sloppy1sts 12 points13 points ago

Turbofaps

[–]bheklilr 6 points7 points ago

install another browser, but don't put a start menu shortcut. Manually add a shortcut and name it something like "Microsoft Security Framework Entities", which no one will ever give a second glance.

[–]pushad 7 points8 points ago

Register for the site and hit "save to favorites"... or something..

[–]m42a 2 points3 points ago

If you use firefox you can just make a separate profile, and use that when looking at por gifts for your significant other.

[–]GigaWat42 23 points24 points ago

Better yet, use Internet Explorer. No friend who uses your computer would consider using IE over Firefox or Chrome.

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points ago

I'm not opening porn sites with IE, my computer would contract actual syphilis.

[–]m-p-3 13 points14 points ago

IE and porn sites. That has never been a good combo in the past.

[–]TakinTheHeat 6 points7 points ago

Is there an addon that prevents specific sites from being saved in your browser history? For example.. you enter 4chan, redtube, pornhub, all of your frequently visited sites that you don't want people to see.. and they never show up in your history. Because private browsing is a pain..

[–]serlightsalot 16 points17 points ago

Nah, leave it on your desktop and look your mum in the eye as you finish.

[–]Joseph-McCarthy 24 points25 points ago

R-E-D

was it a communist website?

[–]kixx 20 points21 points ago

No, it was redtube, the classic soviet footage archive site.

[–]BabyNinjaJesus 15 points16 points ago

see thats ok, but when your girlfriend likes to go on youtube and is use to just typing in "you" then hitting enter.. well.. many ewws & laughs were had

[–]yhnell 12 points13 points ago

I hate when my friends click down hard on my laptop touchpad. You tap it softly

[–]Dr_Turnip 45 points46 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/mxQgn.jpg

I should not really be posting this, but this is the search results that came up on friends dad's computer last time I tried this

[–]TheOnlyNeb 79 points80 points ago

friends dad's computer

Riiiiiiight.

[–]Dr_Turnip 21 points22 points ago

I do love me a bit of Tarzan on Jane action I'm not going to lie

[–]NOCLAMDIGGER 12 points13 points ago

I wanna meet that dad.

[–]Goldreaver 9 points10 points ago

-Good morning! Can I use your PC for a sec?
-Sis, I don't think that-

-Oh, relax, I'll just check reddit. R-E-D-Oh god. Well... how about some music then? Y-O-U-Oh god. You know what? maybe I'll just check my mail. H-O-T-OH GOD THAT'S IT I'M OUTTA HERE FREAK.

[–]Italian_Barrel_Roll 7 points8 points ago

I started using fantasti.cc years ago... not being an avid facebooker, I never realized the problems that could arise.

[–]The3rdWorld 9 points10 points ago

the only downside to ubuntu's unity dash is that when you start typing in the name of the program or file you want it guesses what you might be thinking off, its too useful to turn off but sometimes when i go to show something to someone on my computer a little line of porn appears for a second and i have to hope i typed faster than they could focus on the images :) (yeah i know i could exclude folders and etc but i'm lazy)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

To perfectly honest . I wouldn't care if someone saw that I searched for redtube . It's what I searched on redtube .......

[–]Spookaboo 2 points3 points ago

Just hit ctrl shift del before you hand it over.

[–]Croonflys 2 points3 points ago

When this happened to me, my mates were quick to click on the link. I got lucky, it was the best porn they could have possibly pulled from my history. Then they felt weird. I laughed at them. And life continued... success baby.

[–]mad_maxx17 2 points3 points ago

I don't know why but every time I type in R-E-D it brings up Reddit. It's kind of a pain in the ass when I wanna fap because then I have to type R-E-D-T and then it brings up Redtube.

[–]trauma_queen 2 points3 points ago

Hence why I use pornhub...only time THAT ever gets mistyped is when I want to load pandora.

[–]zuzah[!] 2 points3 points ago

I hide my porn in an elaborate way. I do it in such a mischevious way that no one has ever noticed.

I hid it between of my favorite games' files, deep deep inside, all the way inside the media folder... Now here's the kicker... My porn folder has the VLC logo and is named after the media file before it (i.e GunSix.ogg), and it's in the middle of about 500 other files, and inside of that folder is another folder with the invisible 'letter' (alt-0160), and an invisible icon... Now inside that is an encrypted password protected file which is hidden by Windows' own system. Once in there, you will witness the worst, most degrading sexual acts ever done toward human beings.

I'm kidding, it's called 'Fap' inside a folder on my desktop simply named 'folders', nobody uses my computer but me anyway. :(

[–]duhduhduhduhduh 17 points18 points ago

Chrome is my default browser, firefox is full of my porn cookies. I hope no one ever uses firefox on my computer.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

Why are you keeping the cookies? Delete them after each session, and don't save your browsing history. And load up on various add-ons for blocking stuff like unnecessary scripts. That's mostly how I'm set up for browsing, and it works pretty well. No more typing stuff into your browser and realising exactly what you fapped to the night before. Or worrying about others catching weird stuff on your computer since it's relatively clean. Feels good man.

[–]praise_the_almighty 4 points5 points ago

Friend is not as bad as sister or mom.

[–]theheartofgold 2 points3 points ago

This happened to me last week when I let my friend borrow my laptop. I'm a girl and he's a guy and I watch some strange fetish porn and all of a sudden I was like "Shit I hope he doesn't need to use the internet."

I totally left an erotic fan fiction open in the browser.

[–]simon_wang12 205 points206 points ago

This reminds me of this situation:

"Hey can I use your computer?" "Nah I'll just google it for you"

[–]oalsaker 155 points156 points ago

Yes, I'll login you into the guest account. Here you go.

[–]CarolineTurpentine 29 points30 points ago

I've been called out for this.

[–]oalsaker 34 points35 points ago

Then the next question should be: "Do you want to borrow the computer or not?"

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 53 points54 points ago

I feel extreme anxiety even if it's just a guest account.

[–]superatheist95 7 points8 points ago

i wonder why...

[–]oalsaker 45 points46 points ago

Yes, what could LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK have to hide?

[–]RageMorePlz 43 points44 points ago

Before I knew about going incognito I would just delete my history, leaving the last page I searched to be google. My friend used my computer once and found a pattern where google would be the last page I had visited for a night. He searched my whole computer trying to find the porn but he never did. I was so thankful that I only streamed it.

[–]sakiwebo 50 points51 points ago

What kind of friend actually makes an effort to find out what kind of porn his buddy fancies? To be honest, I like knowing embarrassing things about my friends, but I have no interest whatsoever in knowing their fetishes. Not since accidentally uncovering a friend of mine loves she-male porn a few months ago. No, thank you. Keep your fetishes to yourselves.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

what, why? that's a great opportunity. you just have to buy some falsies and dress up real nice

[–]James_Rustles 8 points9 points ago

Knock it if you will, but they have some hot shemales. couple that with another girl and you've got 90% girl action going on, but still having a penis in there gives all the traditional things we know and love about porn.

[–]geft 9 points10 points ago

He's not savvy enough. I would have found your flash cookies.

[–]mucho_aloha 190 points191 points ago

ctrl+shift+n

[–]Toof 149 points150 points ago

I use incognito to check my bank and to spank. Sometimes I open the window to check my statement, and my hands magically take me to porn, instead.

[–]hupanalol 102 points103 points ago

So in other words you get aroused by financial stuff?

[–]RockLoi 137 points138 points ago

The association has gotten so bad I just see this guy and am instantly at half-mast.

[–]cbs5090 64 points65 points ago

That guy made me instantly think of this guy.

[–]Exavion 78 points79 points ago

...and now it's gone.

[–]alexlm85 26 points27 points ago

Not much as this guy.

[–]Haddadios 10 points11 points ago

I want dis, how do I get dis?

[–]alexlm85 8 points9 points ago

Chrome for Mac extension.

[–]Haddadios 3 points4 points ago

Anything for pedobear!

[–]Sneebyl 41 points42 points ago

That's probably not the best Pavlovian response to have. It would make trips to the bank just terrible.

"Hi, I'd like to apply for a personal lo-HHNNNNNGGGG"

[–]Midlothianer 16 points17 points ago

I think he needs to put down the spreadsheets and get under the bedsheets, if you know what I'm saying.

[–]fullMETALturban 4 points5 points ago

I'll be in my bunk.

[–]tutae 13 points14 points ago

Really? I only use it to purchase surprise birthday gifts.

[–]chime 24 points25 points ago

Google can be subpoenaed for all searches originating from your IP address, regardless of which browser or mode you use, including https://encrypted.google.com in Incognito mode.

[–]happysri 21 points22 points ago

Duckduckgo.com

[–]floppycopy 16 points17 points ago

Why not use a search engine that's privacy friendly?

From their privacy policy: DuckDuckGo does not collect or share personal information. That is our privacy policy in a nutshell. The rest of this page tries to explain why you should care.

[–]chime 4 points5 points ago

I love DDG myself but I'm not trying to show how to bypass search engines etc. I was just trying to point out to the parent that Incognito mode does not necessarily mean your searches are private and that is a big deal if you're thinking of Googling "Thoughtful gifts for my wife".

[–]GuitarWizard90 28 points29 points ago

Friend wants to use my laptop for something? Sure! Just let me do a complete system wipe first.

[–]cookie_42 44 points45 points ago

Or worse, they type "porn" into your windows search bar. Thank fuck I don't name files or folders properly. dgfhtyjtyjty2.avi FTW

[–]TheOnlyNeb 111 points112 points ago

dgfhtyjtyjty2.avi never quite lived up to the hype of dgfhtyjtyjty.avi.

[–]aaarrrggh 55 points56 points ago

dgfhtyjtyjty2.avi?

You dirty bastard.

[–]szchm 68 points69 points ago

Dirty grandmas fuck hog-tied Yemenite's juicy, thick yoghurt-jouster (thank yoga) 2.avi?

Horrifying.

[–]johnnygrant 21 points22 points ago

dude

[–]yourallfuckingidiots 21 points22 points ago

Truecrypt

Pagefile.sys.bak

[–]tearisha 58 points59 points ago

Can someone give me the link to this video

[–]iddothat 12 points13 points ago

Thank you! This was hilarious.

[–]jacobrossk 7 points8 points ago

Thanks to Eli Manning! :)

[–]dlink 33 points34 points ago

What is, a sentence not uttered about SNL in years?

[–]Numlocks 28 points29 points ago

SNL hasnt been funny in years. I should know because I NEVER watch!

[–]MrCookiepants 7 points8 points ago

You obviously havent been watching the past couple of episodes. I found the Josh Brolin one from a couple of episodes ago hilarious. Actually I found a lot of the episodes both this season and last season pretty awesome.

[–]Zeppelanoid 9 points10 points ago

It's from SNL, so good luck trying to find it online.

[–]Zeppelanoid 34 points35 points ago

If you're in the US

And if you're not, you're shit out of luck.

[–]Musti_ 29 points30 points ago

Go to network connections and set your DNS to 199.167.30.144 and find the clip on hulu

(DNS is from tunlr.net)

[–]henkenzo 5 points6 points ago

does this really work?

[–]Musti_ 7 points8 points ago*

Yes, it works on Pandora, netflix and hulu (check their website for other services)

Apparently works on mobile too but I have my own proxy server via Linode in the US which I use, so I can't vouch for its quality on mobile. Looks good enough on PC though

Edit: Again, just change the DNS in network connections. I wouldn't do it in the modem settings because it'll play around with everyone else that's connected (Not that their DNS service is slow or shit, but I'd rather everyone else use the ISP's DNS or Google's (8888/8844))

[–]ArmFallOffBoy 13 points14 points ago

So, what's the show?

[–]projectile2me 20 points21 points ago

Saturday Night Live, the most recent episode with Eli Manning

[–]salsaman009 12 points13 points ago

[–]creepy_is_what_I_do 13 points14 points ago

My desktop background is a picture of me jerking off and pointing at the camera. No one should ever be surprised when they use my computer.

[–]ITHOUGHTYOUMENTWEAST 2 points3 points ago

Not sure if novelty account or actuly creepy...

[–]gnomishtanks 46 points47 points ago

Looks like Eli Manning.

[–]abood_3 42 points43 points ago

It's him on the previous snl episode

[–]SinisterKid 32 points33 points ago

He IS Eli Manning. He looks like Peyton Manning. You can't look like yourself.

[–]BoredomHeights 7 points8 points ago

Or one might argue you can't not look like yourself.

[–]SinisterKid 11 points12 points ago

[–]BoredomHeights 2 points3 points ago

Damn, I forgot about makeup.

[–]Aldairion 39 points40 points ago

Am I the only one who isn't embarrassed by their internet search history? Maybe I'm not easily embarrassed...or I'm just incredibly boring.

[–]iamdestroyerofworlds 13 points14 points ago

Me too. I have no shame.

[–]choc_is_back[!] 28 points29 points ago

for me it's just reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit facebook reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit gmail reddit oh-wait-gmail-again reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit reddit

(enable that reddit bar for external links in your settings, and RES for not opening a separate tab for pics/videos for a search history like this)

[–]ButterflySammy 18 points19 points ago

If you are searching for those you should be a tiny bit embarrassed. You can't remember where reddit, facebook and gmail are?

[–]groucho_marxist 3 points4 points ago

It should be easy to tell the difference; or don't you know what normal people find embarrassing? If you can't imagine people talking about it at a cocktail party full of business associates, it might be embarrassing.

[–]anaalius 7 points8 points ago

I have already instructed my best friend to destroy my hard drive when I die.

[–]funkme1ster 5 points6 points ago

Someone in another thread has already solved this problem!

Use a VM to store and view all your porn.

Ninjas can't catch you if you're abstracturbating.

[–]NOXIOUSB4C 6 points7 points ago

I have a password protected user for me and a guest account on my computers. Incognito mode not needed. Just switch users real fast and you're gtg

[–]c4nn1bal 7 points8 points ago

DUCKDUCKGO

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

This is why you clear your history EVERY time you are finished on the internet.

[–]randomjellybean 10 points11 points ago

It just took my chrome 3 minutes to clear it's history.

[–]VAJAYNUS 27 points28 points ago

As long as they don't find the box I use....

[–]gefahr 16 points17 points ago

Ugh.

[–]Ztiller 14 points15 points ago

Got anything for the European crowd?

[–]synergy_ 38 points39 points ago

We have toilets that don't deprive you of your innocence when you flush.

[–]riotingchimps 6 points7 points ago

do people not know about how mozilla can make it so that your internet history is never recorded? silly risk taking fools

[–]MafiamanJ15 6 points7 points ago

"Elderly Butts" "Really Elderly butts"

[–]BallsackTBaghard 5 points6 points ago

Firefox

Tell websites not to track

Never remember history

[–]mooglemark 7 points8 points ago

I have a straight friend who hid his porn really well. I told him i was curious what it was since he is the sweetest guy i know and has only been sexual with his 1 girlfriend of 6~ years. He says that he mostly doesnt watch porn but find erotic scenes in movies since they convey more emotion. I called bullshit because he was still very unwilling to show the goods. Flash forward to a drunken night of truth or dare, after much prodding he finally admits that he has rape porn on his computer that is extremely violent. I wish i never asked O-o

[–]forgan_reeman 2 points3 points ago

I remember back in high school, my friend and I were on his dads computer and stumbled across his porn collection. It was in the folder, "Taxes 2001."

[–]Kateysomething 2 points3 points ago

Elderly butts.

[–]AndreNickatina 2 points3 points ago

Is that Eli Manning?

[–]ColeScheffler 2 points3 points ago

When my girlfriend starts typing into the search bar and I see all of the previous searches on the screen, my heart jumps until I see that she's focused on the keyboard, and then the best relieved feeling ever sets in.