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996
997

Worst Fleshlight Ever[Fixed] (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Propellant

top 200 commentsshow all 354
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[–]dingleberrystew 261 points262 points ago

those are just "pleasure nubs" that gently caress the shaft as they peel the skin from your dick

[–]POSTS_GIFS 423 points424 points ago

Oh God

[–]This-Was-Insightful 84 points85 points ago

I can't believe you managed to make that gif relevant to something.

[–]OmegaArcadia 99 points100 points ago

I can't even . . .

[–]dscer 31 points32 points ago

Most relevant gif ever.

[–]itsdavid 18 points19 points ago

Perfection.

[–]jimmahdean 32 points33 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/kmQeK.gif

[–]Abezilla116 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/JXIaV.gif

[–]ThisTookAStrangeTurn 31 points32 points ago

Stephan swam parallel to the shore of Lake Ontario in a gentle, rhythmic breast-stroke. "Glide, keyhole, breath, kick, glide..." he recited in his head as he followed the pattern, building his zen.

Stephan believed in being one with nature: he always used organic products, never washed his hair, and was sure to practice his warrior position on the end of his dock daily. Unfortunately, he always swam naked.

He regretted the last decision immensely when he felt a slight tug on the tip of his dick. Switching from breast-stoke to egg-beater, Stephan reached down with his right hand and probed his naughty bits. He had grown significantly; except the length wasn't him. After a moment of terror and screaming, our hero breaks into a front-crawl towards the shore while the lamprey fed steadily from his bulbourethral, deep dorsal, and deep arteries of the penis.

He never made it.

A jogger found his bloodless carcass washed up on the shore the next day. It lay white and diminished in the sunlight, not unlike a sausage skin with too little meat in side.

[–]I_EAT_TEETH 4 points5 points ago

swiftysam has no appreciation for a good story. Bravo, Sir. Bravo.

[–]Chachoregard 2 points3 points ago

Ohgod why.

load more comments (1 reply)

    [–]Jigglez_Khan 13 points14 points ago

    Well, my dick has retracted all the way into my stomach. Thanks for that.

    [–]spliff_and_gif 11 points12 points ago

    Energy efficient "pleasure nubs"

    APNG version

    note: APNG does not animate in all browsers, such as chrome.

    [–]Abezilla116 1 point2 points ago

    I have chrome, I also have an ANPG plugin.

    [–]rakista 1 point2 points ago

    Yeah, it is pretty nifty.

    [–]yourbuddyjoe 36 points37 points ago

    You put your dick in there, you're gonna have a bad time.

    [–]Duke_the_Pancake 7 points8 points ago

    It just grows back right? Right?

    [–]XL_ARES_IX 1 point2 points ago

    Great...now they tell me.

    [–]MadPooter 7 points8 points ago

    I have the weirdest boner ever right now.

    [–]AWKWARD_QUESTIION 14 points15 points ago

    How weird?

    [–]kampangptlk 1 point2 points ago

    bruised and spongy

    [–]toolatealreadyfapped 1 point2 points ago

    Go onnnn...

    [–]Captain_LargePoop 1 point2 points ago

    I'm gonna cry.

    [–]LukaCola 1 point2 points ago

    It exists, and it is Japanese (unsurprisingly)

    (Site might be NSFW, I didn't bother to check further than the page linked)

    [–]reddit_user13 1 point2 points ago

    That pesky, pesky skin.

    load more comments (3 replies)

      [–]omnithrope 49 points50 points ago

      These are Lampreys.

      [–]themaxt 16 points17 points ago

      They attach themselves to fish and gnaw on them. I've seen it, there's these fish with little indentations in their flesh from lampreys.

      [–]omnithrope 14 points15 points ago

      Yeah. I grew up in Michigan, and at one time these were all over some of the Great Lakes.

      [–]HiddenKrypt 11 points12 points ago

      Still are, though they're getting controlled by various population reduction efforts.

      [–]Sifl_And_Olly 35 points36 points ago

      I work with them for my Ph.D. research. We will never be rid of them, but the name of the game is control. They actually won't hurt you. They are not interested in you (they feed on cold blooded fish). Nonetheless, it is a rite of passage in my lab to stick one to your face...

      [–]HiddenKrypt 9 points10 points ago

      Yeah, I made another similar comment already. I visited one of the DNR research labs in upper michigan a few years back, and they let us pull out some of the specimens and let them suck on us a bit. I've heard a few strategies in the works to totally remove them, but it always turns up that it'll have some terrible side effects like killing all the fish ever or something.

      [–]Sifl_And_Olly 6 points7 points ago

      Sorry I missed your comment. My lab actually works to find a natural way to reduce their population. Males of this species release a pheromone to attract the mature females to spawning grounds for reproduction. In my lab, we are trying to find the components of this pheromone that are attractant to the females. Hopefully, this will allow us to use a natural compound to put into traps and increase the efficiency. Since it's species specific, it would reduce the environmental impact.

      [–]HiddenKrypt 2 points3 points ago

      Sweet. Sounds like a decent strategy, assuming it all works out. The news always likes to tout the newest attempts as "WILL FINALLY END THE LAMPREY MENACE", but you know how science reporting is...

      load more comments (3 replies)

        [–]KingJulien 4 points5 points ago

        let them suck on us a bit

        I'm on a mac, but I can't, so...

        [–]ol9toes 2 points3 points ago

        Isn't it best for them to contribute whatever they do to the circle of life?

        [–]HiddenKrypt 4 points5 points ago

        What they do is breed uncontrollably and destroy the fish populations. They are a full on invasive species and will, unchecked, drive many fish to extirpation. Nature doesn't always make winners that fit nicely into every ecosystem.

        [–]Sifl_And_Olly 2 points3 points ago

        It's true. They have also contributed to an economic disaster in the Great Lakes region by destroying valuable fish species that are important in supporting many fisheries. There are actually many species of lamprey. Some are not invasive and some are endangered. These guys actually came from the ocean where they don't cause a problem.

        Fun side note fact: Lamprey are a delicacy in many regions. They were recently also baked into the ceremonial pie for Queen Elizabeth: mmm pie!

        load more comments (1 reply)

          load more comments (3 replies)

            [–]AyleiDaedra 1 point2 points ago

            I remember those little fuckers... what part of Michigan?

            [–]HiddenKrypt 2 points3 points ago

            They actually don't do much to warm blooded creatures, as they want to eat fish. The MI-DNR has some research stations working on population control, and during a school trip they let my friend try to make one bite him.

            [–]c_programmer 3 points4 points ago

            While lampreys are well known for those species which bore into the flesh of other fish to suck their blood

            @_@

            [–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

            Their close relative, Hagfish enter their prey through the mouth or anus and eat them from the inside. All while secreting mass amounts of mucus. Just thought you'd want to know.

            [–]hacksilver 9 points10 points ago

            Henry I of England died from 'a surfeit of lampreys'. Now we know how. NOPE

            [–]fazzah 1 point2 points ago

            This is the best cat video i've seen this year.

            [–]readyfuels 2 points3 points ago

            Lampreys freak me the f out. My first exposure ever was a photoshop of one's mouth in place of fingernails. Not only was it already creepy as hell, but I have wicked trypophobia.

            [–]MasterSprtn117 5 points6 points ago

            This?

            [–]confused_boner 7 points8 points ago

            Fuck you man....

            ;_;

            [–]MasterSprtn117 1 point2 points ago

            I see you are confused...

            [–]yeahichokedabitch 2 points3 points ago

            Now that that's outta the way, where is the porn of it?

            [–]hotmonotremeaction 1 point2 points ago

            Yup. To be more specific, they're Sea Lampreys, Petromyzon marinus.

            [–]thegreatmunizzle 1 point2 points ago

            We have them in our lake. My Dad and I are huge fisherman and we often bring 'newbies' on the boat. To fuck with them we pull these off the fish and hurl them at the new guy. They are like heat seeking missiles. Then we gruesomely murder the lampreys because they are invasive and assholes.

            [–]StonedPony 1 point2 points ago

            Lampreys. Not even once!

            load more comments (3 replies)

              [–]original-finder 410 points411 points ago

              Original Submission (79%): Worst. Fleshlight. Ever. [D]

              Posted: 4h before this post by BludgeoningDeath (fixed by Propellant)

              Link not posted to same subreddit: funny -> WTF

              This comment generated by an automated bot. Is this match wrong?

              [–]pricklypearr 100 points101 points ago

              I'm in love with you, bot.

              [–]blackkevinDUNK 23 points24 points ago*

              i think we all are

              EDIT: oops

              [–]generalguyz 22 points23 points ago

              i think you accidentally something

              [–]silenc3x 5 points6 points ago

              I think he is using the wrong word... didn't necessarily miss anything besides proper grammar and sentence structure.

              [–]killzy707 8 points9 points ago

              "I think we all are."

              [–]silenc3x 6 points7 points ago

              precisely!

              [–]GammaScorpii 2 points3 points ago

              Someone tell me what word he originally used so I can sleep at night?

              [–]silenc3x 3 points4 points ago

              he originally said "i think we all do"

              stay thirsty my friend.

              [–]GammaScorpii 2 points3 points ago

              Thank you, my friend.

              "i think we all do" - LOL what a dumbass.

              [–]blackkevinDUNK 1 point2 points ago

              thank you sir

              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

              We all do in love with him.

              load more comments (1 reply)

                [–]K4ge 1 point2 points ago

                Jag känner en bot

                [–]JMOAN 1 point2 points ago

                hon heter Anna, Anna heter hon

                [–]chewtality 4 points5 points ago

                Although that is a fixed post to the other post in r/funny a few hours ago, here's the exact same post as this one that was submitted a month ago.

                [–]solidsnakem9 2 points3 points ago

                there you are, been lookin around for ya buddy

                load more comments (19 replies)

                  [–]UwasaWaya 17 points18 points ago

                  My genitals just inverted into my body. Why isn't there a NSFD (Not Safe For Dicks) tag?

                  [–]BurningKarma 3 points4 points ago

                  Probably because it's titled "Worst Fleshlight Ever". What were you expecting?

                  [–]_liminal 1 point2 points ago

                  Dead dove do not eat?

                  [–]ChiselFish 1 point2 points ago

                  He was expecting ponies.

                  [–]sillybear25 0 points1 point ago

                  Looking for ponies in /r/WTF?

                  Sure, here you go: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m232ncvPx21rtpjt5o1_1280.jpg

                  [–]TheWarHam 16 points17 points ago

                  if you make it past the teeth it feels amazing.

                  no ones made it past the teeth

                  [–]toolatealreadyfapped 1 point2 points ago

                  I rarely do.

                  [–]URINE-MY-FACE 35 points36 points ago

                  That literally made my dick squirm.

                  [–]Jafit 23 points24 points ago

                  Mine completely inverted

                  I now call myself Beryl.

                  [–]nuxenolith 16 points17 points ago

                  That's right, other Beryl.

                  [–]Urvilan 5 points6 points ago

                  I would have thought Tifaj, but that's just me.

                  [–]SomeFokkerTookMyName 4 points5 points ago

                  NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE Gaaaaaaah!

                  [–]polarturd 42 points43 points ago

                  Don't hate it until you've tried it.

                  [–]marr 21 points22 points ago

                  You know someone out there has. This is humans we're talking about.

                  [–]Numb3r3d_Nam3 7 points8 points ago

                  These are humans we're talking about
                  FTFY

                  [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

                  dis be humans we talkin' 'bout

                  ETFY

                  load more comments (1 reply)

                    [–]Sfdavidbest 25 points26 points ago

                    If you use this Fleshlight, You [Fixed.]

                    [–][deleted] 48 points49 points ago

                    Insanity wolf's fleshlight.

                    [–]Waffles81 5 points6 points ago

                    and sock-puppet.

                    [–]pinkcon 17 points18 points ago

                    Cue the TRYPOPHOBES! Because it's a real phobia, and all.

                    [–]jooze 4 points5 points ago

                    If honeycombs make them uncomfortable, I believe it.

                    [–]bacon_buttie 1 point2 points ago

                    see, I have this but honeycombs, nothing. lampreys, OMG I NEED TO ITCH THE BACKS OF MY EYEBALLS!

                    [–]indeedwatson 1 point2 points ago

                    Good god, you made me think of a lamprey sucking into your eyeballs... pretty funny actually, since they're not my eyeballs.

                    load more comments (3 replies)

                      [–]thaddius 7 points8 points ago

                      Well at least we know they're really good at sucking.

                      [–]the_lawyer 15 points16 points ago

                      10/10 would bang

                      [–]WightWhale 6 points7 points ago

                      A Gilgamesh vagina is three feet long and filled with razor-sharp teeth!

                      [–]davebond 5 points6 points ago

                      "Mynock. Chewing on the power cables."

                      [–]Gnometard 3 points4 points ago

                      Don't knock it til ya try it.

                      [–]spottydodgy 4 points5 points ago

                      vagina dentata.

                      [–]freakedoutbunny 1 point2 points ago

                      What a wonderful phrase! (maybe it will work this time)

                      [–]Power_Wrist 2 points3 points ago

                      Those are lampreys!

                      [–]JackTrickleson 2 points3 points ago

                      I remember in high school zoology we dissected a lamprey. I was never off-put by dissection, but I wouldn't go near that damn thing.

                      [–]Power_Wrist 1 point2 points ago

                      Hagfish are about 3x as bad. So much mucus. And Candiru asu, a little catfish that will bite a hole in your skin and devour your internal organs. With two hundred of its buddies.

                      [–]JackTrickleson 4 points5 points ago

                      Fuck that, fuck everything about that.

                      [–]ketin0 2 points3 points ago

                      Obligatory link to Bad Dragon. NSFW...

                      [–]BirthMcBirth 2 points3 points ago

                      Andddddd I've just unsubscribed to r/WTF.

                      [–]ScotteeMC 1 point2 points ago

                      Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

                      [–]MONKHARRYPOTTER 1 point2 points ago

                      Fuck that shit

                      [–]tripacer99 1 point2 points ago

                      I'd rather not, looks pretty painful.

                      [–]Blanderman 1 point2 points ago

                      But they come with their own mucus lube!

                      [–]Bingo_was_his_name_O 1 point2 points ago

                      My penis hurts just looking at that!

                      [–]DoctorMiracles 1 point2 points ago

                      Don´t diss it until yout try iOOOOHHHHH GODDDDDD NOOGHHHHHHAAARRGHHHHHOUUUHHHTHEPAIIINNNOOOHHH YESSSSSSSSSS

                      [–]CUNT_IN_MY_BUTT 1 point2 points ago

                      I was going to say something about putting [Fixed] submissions in the original post's comment section.

                      Then I thought, oh whatever, I barely care - why even say it.

                      Then I wrote this....

                      [–]ChainsawEpidemic 1 point2 points ago

                      All you lot are whinging about it making you squirm.

                      Straight up, i'd slap those cunts in the face before fucking the teeth right outta their skulls.

                      Afterward i'd whisper "Whos got a pretty mouth" as i ran my index finger around their gummy mouths.

                      [–]xxJenna 1 point2 points ago

                      I have a vagina, and i still shivered

                      [–]dscer 1 point2 points ago

                      My cock has turned into a vagina. Fuck.

                      [–]vdejaco 1 point2 points ago

                      no, this is

                      [–]C4PT14N_OBV1OUS 1 point2 points ago

                      I agree with that being a bad fleshlight since you have to perform simulated intercourse on it and the teeth would be quite painful to your "member" (and by "member", I mean penis).

                      [–]knirefnel 1 point2 points ago

                      Let me guess, some joker's going to post another one of these in 2 hours that's a picture of the sarlac

                      [–]Skylerguns 1 point2 points ago

                      It's modeled after the movie 'Teeth'

                      [–]Boltaeg 1 point2 points ago

                      RELEASE THE KRAKEN

                      [–]sundayultimate 1 point2 points ago

                      I think you just discovered a Galgamex woman

                      [–]richardcox 1 point2 points ago

                      The Galgamex vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor sharp teeth!

                      [–]BurlyBrownBear 1 point2 points ago

                      Nope. Now I have to sit and pee for the rest of the week.

                      [–]Sifl_And_Olly 1 point2 points ago

                      I work with these suckers every day. They actually are kind of cute after awhile.

                      [–]JeremyKean 1 point2 points ago

                      There's no lurches in there, Bubbles, is there?

                      [–]orzof 1 point2 points ago

                      Such a double standard. Whenever it's the other kind of tentacle, everyone's seen that hentai.

                      [–]AnonymousBroccoli 1 point2 points ago

                      Nice try, Zarflax! [Mildly NSFW]

                      [–]cakelies 1 point2 points ago

                      I opened this link at the same time as this on reddit: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p64ty/

                      I think I found the solution to the later problem.

                      [–]Sonorama21 1 point2 points ago

                      First thing I thought of...

                      [–]jaykay335i 1 point2 points ago

                      4/5. Would purchase again. Crying has brought my orgasms to the next level. Cant wait to get the stitches out so I can give it another go.

                      [–]viagravagina 1 point2 points ago

                      Needs a BRAZZERS logo.

                      [–]Hason_ 1 point2 points ago

                      I had the worst feeling in my dick as soon as i clicked that.

                      [–]c_vic 1 point2 points ago

                      This thread made me physically recoil in horror.

                      [–]atomnight 1 point2 points ago

                      i want to kill them all

                      [–]sickaments 4 points5 points ago

                      Very original OP

                      http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/rre3c/worst_fleshlight_ever/

                      [–]wolfy_mo 1 point2 points ago

                      hand immediately shot to my crotch to cover my member NOPENOPENOPE

                      [–]Random_Noob 1 point2 points ago

                      This will proabably get buried, but whatever it was funny to me.

                      [–]RiflemanLax 0 points1 point ago

                      Nightmares for weeks...

                      [–]shinyheadman 0 points1 point ago

                      More like best ever! ;)

                      [–]chodechugging 0 points1 point ago

                      Clearly someone didn't enter the code "rogan".

                      [–]Armestam 0 points1 point ago

                      It kinda looks like a vagina... I guess...

                      [–]Charburble 0 points1 point ago

                      Gotta love those Lampreys...

                      [–]HEY_CHEER_UP 0 points1 point ago

                      i fucking hate you ! it makes me cringe, will be in my head all night

                      [–]FapFapNinja 0 points1 point ago

                      My first thought was to grab my penis and say ow

                      [–]Ace_Pigeon 0 points1 point ago

                      OH GOD ANYTHING BUT LAMPREYS

                      [–]wontonfooey 0 points1 point ago

                      this made my balls hurt wtf

                      [–]kdmcclan 0 points1 point ago

                      Are these lampreys? Yuck.

                      [–]roddiy 0 points1 point ago

                      I see a trend about to start, I Fear for this one. My eyes won't unsee what is about to happen. ಠ_ಠ

                      [–]sawyer1929 0 points1 point ago

                      what is it?

                      [–]themaxt 0 points1 point ago

                      Lampreys!

                      [–]YellowOctopus 0 points1 point ago

                      Stop photographing what's in my sock drawer.

                      [–]wasdxd 0 points1 point ago

                      Shudders

                      [–]ZeusesChrist 0 points1 point ago

                      just a classic brown bagger

                      [–]Hetalbot 0 points1 point ago

                      I cringed.

                      [–]Boompje 0 points1 point ago

                      Worst cringe of 2012 so far.

                      I'm gonna construct a fortress around my dick...

                      [–]hoodr1ch 0 points1 point ago

                      it's kind of pretty

                      [–]latinlovermike 0 points1 point ago

                      Fleshlight Dentata

                      [–]eric22vhs 0 points1 point ago

                      We have those things in the lake I live on. I've never seen one, but it creeps me the hell out when I'm swimming sometimes.

                      [–]justatypo 0 points1 point ago

                      How much teeth do you want?

                      [–]EVILSUPERMUTANT 0 points1 point ago

                      I wouldn't put it on my dick, but I'd put it on the nipples of some woman, while she's tied up over a tub of eels. The internet has ruined normal sex for me.

                      [–]Badremedy 0 points1 point ago

                      Doesn't matter, had sex.

                      [–]Tonka_Tough 0 points1 point ago

                      It's worse than being the 3rd guy on a human centipede!

                      [–]psistarpsi 0 points1 point ago

                      Won't be sleeping tonight...

                      [–]poccnn 0 points1 point ago

                      [FIXED] posts usually piss me off, but you've got a point. Fucking lampreys.

                      [–]Seiduna 0 points1 point ago

                      Eye disease, we meet again!

                      [–]OverlyAudibleGuy 0 points1 point ago

                      I had a pet one of these once. Then i boiled it alive by accident.

                      [–]RF_Nevac 0 points1 point ago

                      The Galgamex vagina is 3 feet wide and filled with razor sharp teeth. Do you really expect us to have sex with them?!?!?!?

                      [–]Grand_Theft_Audio 0 points1 point ago

                      Stephen King's The Mist. That's all I can think of.

                      [–]idefiler6 0 points1 point ago

                      Is it bad that I want to stick my dick in all of those?

                      [–]meatb4ll 0 points1 point ago

                      And now i'm going to have nightmares about having my dick gloved by eel tentacles. BTW, gloved means having the skin ripped off

                      [–]evo8mr 0 points1 point ago

                      I'll take a whack at it!

                      [–]Asian_Sounding 0 points1 point ago

                      Wost-a-fesh-a-wite-a-evew-fist

                      [–]ongoing_horrible_sea 0 points1 point ago

                      http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/041/343/index.php20110724-22047-58b7hk.png

                      [–]bullzeye9999 0 points1 point ago

                      AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

                      [–]waytogokip 0 points1 point ago

                      My vagina recoiled in sympathy pain.

                      [–]postive_scripting 0 points1 point ago

                      rule 34 please!?

                      [–]Heathers8999 0 points1 point ago

                      Lamprey?

                      [–]TakenakaHanbei 0 points1 point ago

                      I don't see what's stopping you.

                      [–]Saskuel 0 points1 point ago

                      It looks like Hilary Clintons Vagina.

                      [–]Shegonnalearntoday 0 points1 point ago

                      I think you're trying to trick me. But fuck it, hand it here.

                      [–]Shnacks 0 points1 point ago

                      NOPE

                      [–]bluereverend 0 points1 point ago

                      That made me shudder more than it should have.

                      [–]TheBoss82 0 points1 point ago

                      repost in /r/joerogan

                      [–]gregls 0 points1 point ago

                      worst repost ever

                      [–]Irnbruguy 0 points1 point ago

                      Obligatory Nope comment.

                      [–]ecmmyers 0 points1 point ago

                      "Mary had a little lamprey."
                      From a book I read as a child and can no longer remember the context or title.

                      [–]Tanory07 0 points1 point ago

                      So, are we just going to post a bunch of pictures of things we can stick our penis into that would feel painful?

                      [–]JimmyNic 0 points1 point ago

                      My penis has retreated into my groin.

                      [–]DraconianKnight 0 points1 point ago

                      Ow, my penis

                      [–]ska41 0 points1 point ago

                      Yeah, I hate doing it next to four other guys!

                      [–]upvoteOrKittyGetsIt 0 points1 point ago

                      NO!!!! D:

                      [–]biggestballz 0 points1 point ago

                      Or....best fleshlight ever

                      [–]crazyxami 0 points1 point ago

                      Tis just a flesh wound.

                      [–]DammitJosh 0 points1 point ago

                      Erm... Call me insane, but I'd still use it...

                      [–]Kryptus 0 points1 point ago

                      They would make a very delicious pie. It is known.

                      [–]gabriot 0 points1 point ago

                      I wouldn't mind it that much, I like it a bit rough

                      [–]Slap_Choppa 0 points1 point ago

                      I've seen these at the Royal Ontario Museum. I thought it was pretty neat the way they close their mouths while they swim.

                      [–]Sexylisk 0 points1 point ago

                      ow

                      [–]SpockSays 0 points1 point ago

                      Just type in the code name ROGAN to get 15% off!

                      [–]gonetothebathroom 0 points1 point ago

                      i remember someone photoshopped these on two fingers and even had a story with it, which in turn freaked the hell out of me and made my stomach turn.

                      [–]Bloodgod42 0 points1 point ago

                      I was expecting a picture of my ex!

                      [–]FlatulentWhispers 0 points1 point ago

                      Can a mod confirm this?

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