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all 132 comments

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points ago

HOLY SHIT, I took a picture of one of these statues in Japan a few years ago. It has a ballsack that touches the ground!

Linking in 2 seconds...

[–]metalninjacake 188 points189 points ago*

Yeah, they're tanukis. Raccoon dogs with slightly larger balls than usual. But, since it's Japan, those balls have been over-exaggerated.

Exhibit A.

They can be used as clubs.

Or as bait...for birds...

Or as shelter.

You can use them to scare humans.

But they sink in the water, so you must carry them.

Alternatively, combine ALL balls to make a fishing net.

If that's too subtle, then just use em to beat a giant carp to death.

And...the secret to warfare. The Trojan Balls.

These guys are usually portrayed as mischievous little animals who like money. But sometimes they're downright assholes. There's a story out there about a tanuki who had balls so big that the farmer nearby was jealous and chased him away. So the tanuki came back, raped the farmer's wife to death, then wore her skin. But the skin couldn't hide his massive balls so the farmer realized what he was, upon which the tanuki stole all his money and ran away.


Edit: I was trying to find a drawing I saw a long time ago where they were playing their balls like drums. Couldn't find it, but it is part of the legend. They drum on their balls to scare away humans.

Also, TIL that a schoolyard song we had back in preschool roughly translates to this: "Ding, ding, ding / The tanuki's golden bollocks ring / The wind stops blowing / But they still swing, swing, swing'".

TI also L that there's a Studio Ghibli film (i.e. Spirited Away, Totoro) based around these guys. Their balls are pivotal plot points. Pic 1 ; Pic 2 ; Pic 3.

And for good measure, here's a photo of a tanuki statue I saw when I was a little kid. That thing is at least 3 stories tall, and its boner is the size of a small child.


I'm out. That's enough Internet for me today.

[–]theodrixx 35 points36 points ago

I knew that Asian History course would come in handy!

[–]Windows_98 27 points28 points ago

Aaaaand this is now my favorite comment on all of Reddit.

[–]meanderingmalcontent 9 points10 points ago

Is it weird that I'm kind of upset that Mario's tanooki suit didn't have balls. Oh the possibilities!

[–]Kaylend 15 points16 points ago

What the fuck

[–]masklinn 0 points1 point ago

Ah I see you had never met Japan. Japan also has a number of penis-based festivals like Kanamara Matsuri or Hōnen Matsuri, with a big procession featuring a giant representation of a penis (we're talking a few meters long and a quarter of a ton)

[–]phenomenomnom 15 points16 points ago

Fucking Japan, dude.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

Dude, this is EPIC, thank you! I always wondered what that thing was. I have to share this post with a few people now.

[–]metalninjacake 6 points7 points ago

No prob. I lived in Japan when I was a little kid. I don't remember when exactly I realized that the thing between their legs was a giant ballsack, but I do remember sitting in art class in 7th grade and the teacher was showing us old Japanese art on the Internet. None of it was particularly memorable except for the giant tanuki balls.

There was one where the tanuki were in a musical band and they were playing their balls like drums...can't find it now, though.

[–]BlueRazors 4 points5 points ago

But what about a scrotum coat?

[–]HowDoYouDo87 4 points5 points ago

Can I favorite you?

[–]metalninjacake 2 points3 points ago

[–]EasySchmitty 3 points4 points ago

Super Mario 3....

[–]jbmass 2 points3 points ago

[–]TheoQ99 2 points3 points ago

What in the actual fuck? Proof that japan has never been normal.

[–]EastenNinja 2 points3 points ago

In the lower picture of the 4th link they are even using them as taiko drums!

[–]ElijahiscoolOfMC 2 points3 points ago

WTF.

[–]Legio_X 1 point2 points ago

Ok, Japan might be fucked up....but there's no way some of those are legit.

[–]metalninjacake 0 points1 point ago

Yesh it is. And yesh they are.

[–]Legio_X 1 point2 points ago

How old are most of them?

[–]metalninjacake 1 point2 points ago

The guy that drew most of them lived from 1797 to 1862. The first link is by his protege (I think) which is why it's a different, more detailed style than the rest, and he lived from 1839 to 1892.

In short, they're hella old. 150 years old on average.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Any pictures of what size they actually are?

[–]metalninjacake 1 point2 points ago

I've got enough Google searches of "Japanese tanuki balls" in my history to fill my daily quota. This one's all up to you.

[–]ZalRed 1 point2 points ago

The third picture looks like they're sperm benders, from TLA.

[–]Lard_Baron 1 point2 points ago

there's a Studio Ghibli film (i.e. Spirited Away, Totoro) based around these guys.

the film is POM POKO

[–]tess_elation 0 points1 point ago

Is the movie any good?

[–]Lard_Baron 0 points1 point ago

Worth a watch, but not a classic ala Porcco Rosso or Sprited away

[–]m-p-3 1 point2 points ago

Imagine how NSFW Super Mario Bros 3 could have been..

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points ago

[–]kittensmittens69 11 points12 points ago

More like 2 minutes, you liar.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

:'(

[–]kittensmittens69 2 points3 points ago

I forgive you, just need to get your game up man.

[–]mguzman011 5 points6 points ago

Iirc, that's a tanooki.

[–]gentlemandinosaur 2 points3 points ago

His hollow little eyes...

hollow.

eyes.

[–]piNkinlArk 1 point2 points ago

Do you know you can edit your comments on reddit?

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 1 point2 points ago

Obviously he knows, this way he gets more karma.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

Internet points, yayyyyyyyyyyyy...........

[–]kimcheekumquat 0 points1 point ago

Double the karma. Genius.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I'm more of a lurker honestly, only posting when I feel I can provide something valuable.

[–]dahorn07 1 point2 points ago

God, the longer I look, the better I laugh.

[–]TjBrook 21 points22 points ago

Why are you making fun of the pope.

[–]ckanderson 3 points4 points ago

I have picture with this tanuki as well. here we are: Tanuki and Me :)

[–]VertigoFall 20 points21 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]VertigoFall 27 points28 points ago

[–]ninjapro 16 points17 points ago

Ah. Much better. Thank you.

[–]VertigoFall 10 points11 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]carolinax 3 points4 points ago

:(

[–]gentlemandinosaur 1 point2 points ago

:C

[–]flying-sheep 1 point2 points ago

:C

[–]andanotherguy 2 points3 points ago

Enhance!

[–]ledzep4life 2 points3 points ago

needs more jpeg.

[–]Real-Life-Reddit 4 points5 points ago

That was unnecessary.

I like you.

[–]VertigoFall 0 points1 point ago

[–]kimcheekumquat 1 point2 points ago

Nothing can get past you VertigoFall.

[–]red321red321 11 points12 points ago

all that's missing is don vito.

[–]shroominator 4 points5 points ago

Would Bang.

[–]AndyRooney 30 points31 points ago

[–]Synapomorphy 5 points6 points ago

I am high and this is terrifying.

[–]tinkatiza -1 points0 points ago

it's ok. just go back to trees and be happy, frient

[–]yuwashme 3 points4 points ago

The longer you stare, the funnier it gets

[–]Critariss 1 point2 points ago

I cannot stop fucking laughing hahahaaa

[–]pinkytheunicorn 1 point2 points ago

The internet, man. So full of wonder and knowledge, also this.

[–]BlueHalcyon 1 point2 points ago

Dat face. Gets me every time. Every damn time.

[–]drunxor 1 point2 points ago

[–]lolrawr 1 point2 points ago

guess what i got your teeth.

[–]jchris8328 1 point2 points ago

very close. but not an exact match. one does not appear to have teeth.

[–]Souperlizard 1 point2 points ago

Hilarious repost.

[–]thatoneguy102 1 point2 points ago

where can i find the pic of just the lady?

[–]SindySlaughter 1 point2 points ago

Dude, what a terribly unfortunate human being.

[–]mmprodigy 1 point2 points ago

In the second panel, the animal in the hat looks like it could be saying 'you don't say?'.

[–]Lt_Shniz 2 points3 points ago

It's a tanuki statue. Just another odd thing from Japan.

[–]lchupacabras 0 points1 point ago

You don't say? I thought it was a deer wearing a hat.

[–]NigelMK 1 point2 points ago

They both look like a fat version of the pope.

[–]mrwinky531 1 point2 points ago

is that don vito?

[–]Starfleeter 1 point2 points ago

[–]WillUpvote4Shoes 0 points1 point ago

Goddamn it, I finally experience it myself...I submitted this myself three days ago but only got downvotes :(

[–]iamst3[S] 2 points3 points ago

Sorry man. I got it in a text message and thought it was reddit-worthy. I would have given you an upvote.

[–]gentlemandinosaur 0 points1 point ago

Now, he gets a downvote from me... for whining about it.

[–]WillUpvote4Shoes 0 points1 point ago

Hardly whining, just stating that I submitted it myself and got a completely different reaction. Way to be a dick about it.

[–]gentlemandinosaur -1 points0 points ago

No, you made a sad face, and basically implied you were upset that you did not receive the attention you required.

Hence, whining.

Hence downvote. The truth is harsh, I know. I am sorry if that makes you upset.

[–]iamst3[S] -1 points0 points ago

This is probably a repost but I've never seen it before.

[–]strongscience62 12 points13 points ago

You're lying and trying to double up on comment karma on your post. Shame on you sir. You know its older than the internet and probably didn't even check karma decay. For shame. FOR SHAME SIR.

[–]Etienss 6 points7 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
wat 8coms 67pts 9mos pics
The longer you stare the harder you laugh... 2coms -3pts 3dys funny
The longer you stare... 3coms 1pt 1mo funny
wat 1com 10pts 3mos funny
I just can't stop laughing at this 15coms 148pts 7mos WTF
Brightens Up My Day Everytime! 14coms 134pts 11mos pics

source: karmadecay

EDIT : I'm not judging here, but if you think it might be a repost it's really easy to verify.

[–]WillUpvote4Shoes 4 points5 points ago

Second link was mine. Oh god it hurts :(

[–]Etienss 2 points3 points ago

Yeah it's funny how these things turn out. 3 days ago, same subreddit, and yet you get negative points :P

[–]legendmaster 0 points1 point ago

I fought for you.

[–]chaitan94 3 points4 points ago

I never seen it before too. Which brings you, my good sir/madam an upvote from me.

[–]Zombifreak -1 points0 points ago

Yeah, I've had this on my imgur account for almost 6 months

[–]JewBoySandler 0 points1 point ago

I don't think I've laughed so hard in my entire life.

[–]SeantotheRescue 0 points1 point ago

is that Newt Gingrich?

[–]KayaXiali 0 points1 point ago

Probably an uncommon problem around here but "wat" means temple in Thai and I always click on these expecting to see someone's vacation photos of a particularly elaborate temple or something and then nopppppe.

[–]Pyroxene 0 points1 point ago

What are they selling!? CHOCOLATE! What!? CHOCOLATE!!!

[–]LeazZ 0 points1 point ago

Where can I get that Wat shirt?

[–]Savey_Jones 0 points1 point ago

Did anyone else say "what" in their head while seeing each picture on the way down?

[–]DeboothOxyodious 0 points1 point ago

Anytime I see that face I get pissed off.

[–]kolm 0 points1 point ago

Palpatine really let himself go.

[–]TheoQ99 0 points1 point ago

Oldie, but a goodie. laughed my ass off.

[–]FishNChimps 0 points1 point ago

Mind bleach! Mind bleach, now!

[–]mandersss 0 points1 point ago

Staying goth over 50

[–]CapnCrunch53 0 points1 point ago

The woman(?)'s face kind of looks like Ranjit from HIMYM. IMO at least.

[–]Thirsty_Bunion 0 points1 point ago

I just laughed so hard, I woke my entire household up.

[–]Walker_ID 0 points1 point ago

i laughed

[–]johnsmith9219 0 points1 point ago

That's your moms organism face.

[–]Natethesnake81 0 points1 point ago

Nice, I love Don Vito

[–]IsThisNickTaken -2 points-1 points ago

Yet another picture that keeps reappearing, showing just how much of a fuck people give about the persons in the picture.

I'm quite certain the lady would be delighted to know that thousands of people are laughing at her.

[–]littleson912 13 points14 points ago

If she didn't want people to laugh at her she shouldn't have made the decision to look hilarious.

[–]superjen42 0 points1 point ago

Thats horrible!

[–]gentlemandinosaur 0 points1 point ago

Pictures of this lady make me very sad. I can't wait till this meme goes away.

[–]el_pinata -1 points0 points ago

I'm crying right now, holy shit.

[–]platewalrus -1 points0 points ago

Emperor palpatine really let himself go...

[–]CakeCatSheriff -1 points0 points ago

wow, I've never seen the pope without his robe and stuff!

[–]Ignorantsplooge -1 points0 points ago

I wonder what a conversation between them would be like.

[–]Toast_One_Seven -1 points0 points ago

Classic.

[–]bluespidereyed -1 points0 points ago

That "chick" looks like the pope.

[–]Emma_Lei_Moore -1 points0 points ago

Oh. My. God.

[–]karmamaster -1 points0 points ago

Sorry to spoil the fun, but I think she has down syndrome.

Not sure if that became fair game yet.

[–]thezanahorias -1 points0 points ago

This is probably the most reposted thing I've seen.

[–]s1wg4u -2 points-1 points ago

Mmm. Samwel Tarley

[–]awesome-o-4000 -3 points-2 points ago

she's gagging for it