The top and bottom statements are meant to be equally ridiculous; even a cursory look at the comments would have explained that, but apparently you hadn't the time.

The point is that it is equally unscientific to believe either that humans are the sole descendents of our earliest primate ancestors, or that humans are the sole descendents of dirt. Through equating the ideas that all dirt must have become Adam, and all primates must have become men, I sought to highlight the common misunderstanding of the speciation that accounts for all the diversity of life.

You, and sadly several of your compatriot redditors, should have your irony filters examined. This is /r/atheism. We all know full well how common ancestry works. So don't take it so hard, dude. It was a joke, not a dick.