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all 71 comments

[–]I_am_not_angry 57 points58 points ago

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"75% of all quotes on the internet are misattributed"

-- Abraham Lincoln

[–]LoganPhyve 6 points7 points ago

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81 percent of internet statistics are made up on the spot.

[–]DeLuman 6 points7 points ago

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77.24% of statistics are more likely to be believed if you put decimal points in them.

[–]Anthropophobiac 1 point2 points ago

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9/10 doctors agree.

[–]andy98725 0 points1 point ago

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9/10 doctors can be bribed.

[–]Controlsfreq 0 points1 point ago

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We found 9 doctors that are willing to agree with us for a consultation fee.

[–]DeFeet 0 points1 point ago

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I made this wallpaper a while ago and I keep find it useful for replies.

[–]andy98725 0 points1 point ago

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Ahaha, that's brilliant. And it's also my new background image.

[–]emperorOfTheUniverse -1 points0 points ago

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Pretty sure Michael Scott actually said that originally.

[–]ontopic 136 points137 points ago

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Drew Carey said that, not George Carlin.

[–]pete2532 53 points54 points ago

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[–]ontopic 2 points3 points ago

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[–]LewisKiniski 23 points24 points ago

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Said it to Kate when she was considering quitting the cosmetics department at Winfred Lauder. Drew, Oswald and I happened to reunite The Horn Dogs at the airport Ramada that same evening. Good times. Good times.

[–]kylesibert 2 points3 points ago

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Fuckin a.

[–]RickRussellTX 2 points3 points ago

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Lawrence, can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the walls?

[–]InnocentBystander8 13 points14 points ago

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What's strange is I could have sworn Carlin said this in one of his videos I watched on Netflix...

[–]cool-zero_my-hero 2 points3 points ago

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He did, and I intend to make it my personal journey to prove it, even if I have to watch them all again.

The question is, who said it first, and I think the answer is Drew Carey.

Still, it's not THAT original a line.

[–]meemoza 4 points5 points ago

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I'm 100% sure Carlin said this in one of his stand-ups, not sure which one. I don't know who said it first though.

[–]dannyboylee 1 point2 points ago

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Which is more likely: that Drew Carey ripped off George Carlin, or that George Carlin ripped off Drew Carey?

[–]meemoza 2 points3 points ago

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Well I'm having a hard time believing that Carlin ripped off somebody, but then again I don't know anything about Drew Carey.

[–]failbot30000 2 points3 points ago

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Honestly, I would have to say the odds are about even...

[–]Dcoil1 10 points11 points ago

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Another one of Drew's quotes that I love is "Violence doesn't solve anything?! World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn't solve anything?!"

[–]jgzman 0 points1 point ago

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Heinlein said it first, and more eloquently.

I prefer to quote Schlocks' Mercenary on that topic: "You're just afraid to use enough of it."

[–]duchovny 3 points4 points ago

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Who's going to get him more internet points, Drew Carey or the almighty George Carlin?

[–]YourCommentBoresMe 2 points3 points ago

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doesn't matter; got karma

[–]persistent_illusion 1 point2 points ago

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I've never heard Drew Carey's routines in my life. But I am a huge Carlin fan and have a full collection of his DVDs.

That said, I knew this quote and am fairly sure I heard from Carlin. I will try to locate what special it is from.

[–]CommissionerValchek 0 points1 point ago

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I've heard every Carlin special and I can't picture him saying it. I know this exact image has been posted before though, complete with the Carlin attributions. Of course I could be wrong so if you can locate it I promise you lots of imaginary internet points. I'd have to guess it was early in his career if he did indeed say it.

[–]zninjazero 0 points1 point ago

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The quote would also be rather disingenuous coming from a stand up comedy routine.

[–]ihavecrayons 0 points1 point ago

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Shutup. Only George Carlin says things that are funny.

[–]skinnymatters 0 points1 point ago

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Sweet, fired fuck do I love the internet. Came here to say this, left collectively smug.

[–]Sharradan 33 points34 points ago

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[–]rhubarbbus 1 point2 points ago

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Okay, closure, cool.

I have seen this attributed to Jason Alexander, Woody Allen, George Carlin, and Drew Carey.

It was drew.

[–]dmcnelly 1 point2 points ago

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Hey, I remember uploading this expressly for this reason. Thank you for the spike in views.

[–]Sharradan 0 points1 point ago

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That's your video? That's awesome, I just googled it. And you're very welcome!

[–]NonAmerican 0 points1 point ago

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That made the joke so unsophisticated and shit.

My intellectualized self does not like jokes that are grounded.

[–]SakeBomberman 6 points7 points ago

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I like to go to bars and complain about my job too, I can really relate to this

[–]syringa 0 points1 point ago

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In the education world, we call it "professional development"

[–]goletasb 2 points3 points ago

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I've always seen this attributed to Drew Carey.

While I'm on the subject, the best part about the Drew Carey Show was how hot his girlfriends were. If I created my own show I would do the exact same thing.

[–]yethmarthter 2 points3 points ago

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my job is at the bar :(

[–]smokyexe 4 points5 points ago

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Was sure i have never heard Carlin say that. Comments confirm this.

[–]service_plumber 1 point2 points ago

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Where the hell is a bartender supposed to go?

[–]imbetterimback 1 point2 points ago

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[–]failbot30000 0 points1 point ago

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Co owner of a bar here: I don't hate my job. In fact, I love it.

[–]Surfacetovolume 1 point2 points ago

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There's a magnet on the fridge in our work kitchen that says "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, is the man still wrong? - George Carlin"

The other one is even more cringeworthy: "Life is too short to dance with ugly men. - Oscar Wilde"

Why?? Why not just leave them unattributed?

[–]dre2112 1 point2 points ago

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Isn't this what facebook is for because every sunday night my feed is plastered with people complaining about going to work on Monday and then on Monday it's full of people complaining about their jobs.

[–]diablofreak 1 point2 points ago

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so true. im tempted to go tell each and everyone of them to quit if they hate it so much.

then i thought some of them have families, kids to feed, etc. and i'm making decent money on a half-cushy job so i best keep my mouth shut.

but seriously, i would look for another job while i'm still in this job, if i was so unhappy with it.

[–]shamoni 1 point2 points ago

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The first three times I saw this on Reddit, I'll admit, it made me buck up and keep going on... if only cos the world was butt fucked under debt and the unemployment rate was touching double digits and going up all the time.

Now, though, it doesn't do anything for me. It really is getting increasingly difficult to get up every morning to do the same damn thing all over again, be treated like shit and taken for granted.... I know I'm rambling, I know this is funny, I just wanted to let it out right now. Fucking tired of this job, man.

[–]diablofreak 0 points1 point ago

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im not trying to be a troll, but honestly have you even tried to look for another job, if you're so tired of the one you're in now.

one thing i know is that a lot of people are stuck in an unhappy situation and tell others they're stuck in it when they're really not.

[–]shamoni 0 points1 point ago

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You're right, I haven't been looking hard enough. Having a job currently makes you accept the stat quo as opposed to making the effort to look for another one. Will resume soon.

[–]Scrotesmcgoats 1 point2 points ago

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I could hear his voice when I read this... and I have never heard his voice before.

[–]RedIIv 1 point2 points ago

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May this magnificent human rest in peace.

[–]Unkind81 1 point2 points ago

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I miss Carlin a lot. Female hygiene "Sprunt" and he was completely correct, to this day I have not forgotten the name lol

[–]FaelSafe 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MCFlat 0 points1 point ago

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I always saw this attributed to Drew Carey. Great line though.

[–]Davidcopsafeel 0 points1 point ago

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I like my job. So do both of my brothers and my father.

[–]EyeR8 0 points1 point ago

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How many times is this going to be posted this week?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I love how every time this gets reposted, the resolution goes down.

[–]slim_chance 0 points1 point ago

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Regardless of who said it, I still went to the bar after reading this last night. Thanks for makin' my day.

[–]bangthemermaid 0 points1 point ago

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i'm pretty sure, he didn't hate his.

[–]SpeedyBoy 0 points1 point ago

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Just upcoted to 1000, fuck yeah!!

[–]distertastin -2 points-1 points ago

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I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE, HOW ORIGINAL!

[–]corann52 -2 points-1 points ago

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I miss that magnificent son of a bitch.

[–]brianbrianbrian -1 points0 points ago

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Wasn't his joke, chucklefuck. Eat a pound of bat dicks.

[–]h8bit -1 points0 points ago

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I'm not trying to be a smartass, but I've never understood why this guy is so popular. It's like watching an embittered dock worker raging at the world.

[–]kingalexander -1 points0 points ago

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This guyisntevenfunny

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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I think I've seen this before, not sure where though. Oh yeah, its was on 100's of fb status' ಠ_ಠ

[–]Herborist -1 points0 points ago

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DREW CAREY SAID THIS!

[–]TurboDisturbo -3 points-2 points ago

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fw: fw: FWD: FW: fw: FWD: OMG SO TRUE: fw:

[–]Patti234 -2 points-1 points ago

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what kinda shit system is this where we're all working jobs we hate and we have to spend most of our lives in these places to survive and keep our place in this society. 1 million people committing suicide every year. no wonder.

[–]Satans_pro_tips 1 point2 points ago

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One million suicides a year. You must be referring to the entire world population. But since you mentioned a "system" I assume you are alluding to the US system of career acquisition and progression, (if you live in the US) which is very relevant because the US is responsible for everything everyone in the world does, feels, and thinks. And it is a widely known fact that every single one of those suicides across this world were because of job selection and dissatisfaction.

[–]GiJoeSamo -3 points-2 points ago

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The bar is for chumps. Real men find jobs they actually like.