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all 59 comments

[–]Salacha 52 points53 points ago

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TIL there is no way to cut your fingernails in a sane manner

[–]DancingWithKafka 4 points5 points ago

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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I don't understand how she gets anything done.

[–]WhatWeAllWantToSay 11 points12 points ago

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how does she wipe her ass?

[–]alkapwnee 3 points4 points ago

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scrapes and washes them off? cringes

[–]BrotherDamascus 1 point2 points ago

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Very carefully.

[–]copperboom7 0 points1 point ago

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[–]P10_WRC 42 points43 points ago

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Sorry, the idea seemed cool at first, but the execution of this infographic fails.

[–]neoncp 15 points16 points ago

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"Pirate" is so stupid it hurts.

[–]Hughcumber 17 points18 points ago

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Hooks don't come out of pirates fingers.

[–]thisperson123 13 points14 points ago

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Well, according to this, I have deep seated anxiety issues. Fantastic.

[–]Mharbles 1 point2 points ago

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I have deep seated who stole my clippers issues.

[–]Chachbag 2 points3 points ago*

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You're lucky. I bite my nails so bad that they are at the "not good with hammers" point. I have no feeling under my nails and I don't even realize that I am biting them.

Edit: Pic

[–]Gregxor 3 points4 points ago

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Ditto here. When I saw a picture of an "extreme" nail biter in the wikipedia page, all I could think was "fucking amateurs dude."

[–]iSaaaack 1 point2 points ago

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Me too man. Me too. Sometimes I pull mine all the way off.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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My sister is somewhere in between 'not good with hammers' and 'overly hygienic'. She has little nub-like chubby-ish skin where the rest of her nail should be. Honestly I don't know if I should be grossed out or laughing hysterically.

[–]Chaster321 0 points1 point ago

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I try not to bite my finger nails, but http://i.qkme.me/3555nc.jpg

[–]Abbithedog 5 points6 points ago

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It's not "overly hygenic" it's "keeping the wife happy."

[–]MakesShitUp4Fun 6 points7 points ago

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They left out guitar player.

[–]TaddTheBear -1 points0 points ago

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Only applies to right hand; wouldn't work with just one finger represented :(

[–]mnemonie 0 points1 point ago

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Depends on your playing style

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Freeeeeman 0 points1 point ago

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Some people keep all their fingers long on their right hand and pick each string like a banjo or something.

[–]mnemonie 0 points1 point ago

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Different guitarists play with different fingernail lengths. Most guitarists I know cut their left hand fingernails as short as possible. Most classical guitarists I know carefully shape their right hand fingernails, but some of them use a method where they cut them as short as possible, while some unique individuals have some short and some long according to how they play, while people who prefer picks probably use some other method to determine fingernail length.

And it's 'my kind lady', if you please

[–]scots23 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks for the clarification, man.

[–]fysu 6 points7 points ago

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[–]JacobCurry 2 points3 points ago

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I think you're supposed to use the pad of your finger instead of poking your finger directly into your eye.

[–]fysu 4 points5 points ago

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When you put it in, yeah. But how do you think you remove it? Usually people pinch their contacts to remove them. And if your nails are too long there is no way to pinch your contact without stabbing yourself in the eye.

I'm guessing you are not a girl.

[–]JacobCurry 1 point2 points ago

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Try pinching with the sides of your finger pads instead of pinching directly into them.
And, you guessed correctly.

[–]MRjubjub 1 point2 points ago

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Pro tips with Jacob Curry

[–]karnim 0 points1 point ago

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This is a subreddit I would subscribe to.

[–]_wait_what_now 6 points7 points ago

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i was looking for "lesbian"

[–]heart_pineapple 1 point2 points ago

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Yes. I got my friend to peel a sticker off an apple for me the other day with the line "the perils of being a lesbian."

[–]dumbledorkus -1 points0 points ago

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"Lesbian" should be right there instead of "overly hygenic" and "files nails not paperwork" should be "Single Lesbian."

[–]hello_you -1 points0 points ago

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For me, it would be somewhere in between overly hygienic and just hungry.

[–]klick37 7 points8 points ago

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The last one should be labeled "Shaniqua".

[–]jakemyers7 1 point2 points ago

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or successful chinese buinessman

[–]Wraithis 1 point2 points ago

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Would have also accepted Lo Pan.

[–]CadillacOfMen 1 point2 points ago

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how is deep-seated anxiety issues longer than overly-hygienic? SHENANIGANS

[–]aahdin 1 point2 points ago

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Wow, I always thought the expression was deep-seeded, then I looked it up because I planned on making a snarky remark about this post, but it is deep seated.

Which makes no fucking sense.

[–]Raktoras 0 points1 point ago

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I'd never actually thought of that, an explanation is given here, though

http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/deep.html

[–]Binaryshadow32 1 point2 points ago

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You forgot the length for classical guitarists! The world must be educated on that I swear to god anytime someone notices my nails they think I'm a cross dresser.

[–]Jack0Napier 0 points1 point ago

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TIL classical guitarists normally have beautifully manicured nails!

[–]Minksz 0 points1 point ago

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Now that you mention it my nails could do with a little nibble.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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My fingernails are about the same length as the ones that's chewed off, but I don't chew on my fingernails. I started cutting my nails short after playing piano and never got out of the habit.

[–]CatLover99 0 points1 point ago

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Turns out I have deep seated anxiety issues.

[–]scalpemnoles 0 points1 point ago

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I don't see Walmart Hoodrat anywhere.

[–]AutumnEmber 0 points1 point ago

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Anxiety.

[–]schmorrell 0 points1 point ago

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Have you ever seen the world-record holder's nails? These aren't even close.

[–]Rachelmay79 0 points1 point ago

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none of the options indicate what's termed normal

[–]thatfeelingyouget 0 points1 point ago

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Came for coke fiend joke, was not disappointed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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As a pirate, I take offense to this.

[–]iHateTetris 0 points1 point ago

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I've been told by everyone that I have anxiety issues because I bite my nails. I refuse to believe it because I'm not quite sure what that means.

[–]Jman4500 0 points1 point ago

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You have deep seated anxiety issues!!

[–]oddspellingofPhreid 0 points1 point ago

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My nails can barely get shorter than deep seated anxiety issues without bleeding.

[–]jigglesv 0 points1 point ago

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Isn't the term "deep-seeded"? O_O Or am I just out of my mind?

[–]fluctuating_loquats 0 points1 point ago

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What if my nails are normal :|

[–]GrayStudios 0 points1 point ago

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Where's "lazy college student who will get around to it this weekend"?

[–]Servious 0 points1 point ago

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My sister has exceedingly long nails, and loves dinosaurs (particularly velociraptors). I just made the connection.

[–]CapnCloudchaser 0 points1 point ago

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I've been biting my nails ever since I can remember. It's come to the point now that whenever they grow, they just feel weirdly uncomfortable, and overly long nails freak me out. They just look so wrong :|