Am I allowed to disagree with gaslighting, in the sense it's typically used these days, or will the hive mind eat me up? I mean, here's where the term comes from:

The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light and its film adaptations. In those works a character uses a variety of tricks to convince his spouse that she is crazy, so that she won't be believed when she reports strange things that are genuinely occurring, including the dimming of the gas lamps in the house (which happens when her husband turns on the normally unused gas lamps in the attic to conduct clandestine activities there). Since then, it has become a colloquial expression that is now also used in clinical and research literature.

The sense many people seem to use it in is something akin to "I'm entitled to act offended at what you said, even if there was no malicious intent."

I used to have this online friend from the States. She was cool. Then, one evening, she went off on a rant against me, and accused me of gaslighting, and being a sexist. During the ensuing argument, it came up that she'd been reading a lot of feminist and transgender books. I don't know if this is relevant, but I got the feeling that she had all this pent up anger against men from reading these stories of women suffering. Apparently, I'd been hurting her feelings for a long time. I had, however, heard absolutely nothing about that until this particular evening.

One of the things I said that had triggered it was apparently that I had expressed some surprise previously toward her being a gamer, and enjoying a game like Minecraft on top of that. Apparently, it was bad of me to act pleasantly surprised. She told me that she interpreted the reaction as "But, you're a girl. This makes no sense!". Attempting to clear up the misunderstanding lead nowhere. I had already been judged and sentenced.

There was another thing she pointed out as insensitive: There had been a lighthearted conversation, and I had jocularly suggested she solve a (practical) problem by means of masturbation. This happened shortly after she had pasted some amusing chat logs about penises, so I felt I was on safe ground with this kind of joke. This turned out to not be the case. I had verbally violated her by cracking a joke involving her body. No male in my friend circle would have lifted an eyebrow at such a joke, and here comes someone who insists that I treat girls differently from boys in one situation (dirty jokes) but not the other (gender roles).

When I told her that I thought she was overreacting, she pulled out articles on male privilege and gaslighting, and proceeded to accuse me of doing those things.

I don't know if this is my Asperger's syndrome talking, but aren't her reactions completely unreasonable?

TL;DR: Girl accuses me of being an insensitive sexist. I feel unfairly accused. She then accuses me of gaslighting. What the hell?