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top 200 commentsshow all 215

[–]WilsonHanks 513 points514 points ago

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I would so give her the most disappointing 4 minutes of her life.

She just doesn't know, man.

[–]powernut 245 points246 points ago

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If it takes 3 and a half minutes to unzip your pants, you should probably just wear sweatpants.

[–]kernelhappy 59 points60 points ago

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The 4 minutes also includes clean up, photo op and placing a call to the lawyer to warn about the impending arrest.

[–]nthensome 1 point2 points ago

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That includes several minutes crying.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]EpicJ 32 points33 points ago

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Thatsthejoke.jpg

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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did he also have to say that the jews did 9/11? seriously dude, get help

[–]lookieausername 0 points1 point ago

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Wha'd he say?

[–]umakemekierkehaard 10 points11 points ago

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If she was in my room naked right now, I would so beat off to her.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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I can't properly express my love for your comment.

[–]Noturordinaryguy 6 points7 points ago

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this is the most accurate "I would bang ____ " sentence I have ever heard

[–]Saivo 58 points59 points ago

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"I'd hit that with Mjölnir"

[–]scythus 13 points14 points ago

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Like the fist of an angry god.

[–]Razbu1337 45 points46 points ago

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Well, she wasn't wearing any underwear, so you can't really blame them.

[–]clickitie_click 20 points21 points ago

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How.. do you know that..?

[–]Razbu1337 25 points26 points ago

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It was on the news.

http://www.celebritysmackblog.com/2012/04/11/scarlett-johansson-no-underwear/

Feel free to google for some more "trusted" source.

[–]ORIGAMIDOMO 11 points12 points ago

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You really think he hasnt googled "Scarlett johansson no underwear" yet??

[–]Nebakanezzer 2 points3 points ago

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I was going to complain about something like this being news

then I realized I want to be informed of every time this happens, ever.

[–]morpheousmarty 0 points1 point ago

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Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[–]jdk 93 points94 points ago

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Avengers is a great movie.

A++++++ Joss Whedon would watch again.

[–]Cygnus_X1 21 points22 points ago

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10/10 would bang

[–]jesslovesloki 65 points66 points ago

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I love Loki.

[–]Erobern 132 points133 points ago

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[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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To be fair, Loki usually does have something to do with it.

[–]JesusTapdancingChris 3 points4 points ago

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To be fair to Loki, though, he's having his liver eternally gnawed out now, so I guess he can be said to have paid.

[–]KnowledgeRuinsFun 2 points3 points ago

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You're mixing him up with others. Loki lies bound to a rock while a snake drips poison on his face.

[–]JesusTapdancingChris 1 point2 points ago

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Right, sorry. Prometheus is the liver, Loki is the snake.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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In mythology yes, in the comics he died and was reborn as a child, who still screws up but at least does it for the right reasons. Doesn't it suck that Prometheus got the same punishment as Loki, just for giving fire to humans.

[–]JesusTapdancingChris 2 points3 points ago

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Well, it's "fire" in the story, but I always thought the fire in the Prometheus myth was supposed to represent the same qualities as the forbidden fruit in Abrahamic religions.

Therefore, Frankenstein's second title The Modern Prometheus.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I always attributed the qualities to Pandora's box. Before that they seemed like drones. So with that used up, I was logically forced to consider the fire to actually be physical fire.

[–]JesusTapdancingChris 0 points1 point ago

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Well, I'm no expert, but wouldn't it make sense for the Greeks to have two different classifications where the Abrahamics have one?
Personality in Pandora's, science and reason in Prometheus.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I actually did consider that just after your last comment, and I agree it makes a lot of sense.

[–]XaVierDK 1 point2 points ago

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He has also been reincarnated as a woman... S/he really does get around.

[–]morpheousmarty 0 points1 point ago

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In some versions of the story, Prometheus did it because he knew the humans would overthrow the gods. Therefor, one day, he will be free, unless, you know, we're seriously dicks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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That day hasn't come yet, and we regard it as myth, so old Prometheus is royally boned.

[–]morpheousmarty 0 points1 point ago

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I guess we think Kratos finished him off before killing all the others.

[–]jumbohiggins 0 points1 point ago

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I laughed for a solid 2 minutes at this, thank you.

[–]Madiator 1 point2 points ago

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Source: http://bettermyths.com You can now laugh forever.

[–]nox_fox 29 points30 points ago

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He has such a cute name, how can he be evil! I want to get a hamster and name it Loki.

[–]necromanteion 17 points18 points ago

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I've got a cat named Loki! He's a devilishly cute 'lil bastard.

[–]mgrier123 5 points6 points ago

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As do I. He's always "hiding" under things and attacking me in my sleep

[–]fuxdx 17 points18 points ago

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I have a bearded Dragon named Loki. He isn't terribly mischeivious though, unless you count sitting on a rock doing nothing most of the time as mischievious. He is ten this year.

[–]Dr_Explosion 6 points7 points ago

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He's just biding his time for the perfect moment to put his master plan into motion. Beware.

[–]DeSanti 34 points35 points ago

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Here's a fun fact: If you say Loke in Norse / Scandinavian (Swedish milksops not included) it doesn't sound quite so cute anymore.

Seriously though, Loke was kinda a douche in the Edda / Myths. But that's alright, he got his punishment as is just. He was chained by stone in Jotunheimen and bound by the intestines of his son Narve (but don't worry, Odin & The Crew didn't kill his son, they just made Narve's brother Vale into a ferocious wolf and had him rip his brother to shreds and then took the intestines). They also placed a giant snake above the bound Loke and had it drip venom down on his face. His wife Sigyn really loved him though and would stand vigil with a pot and gather the venom so it didn't land on Loke, but once in a while it would be filled to the brim and she would have to empty it, so there were times the venom would land on his face and cause him to quake so fiercely in pain that the earth in Midgard would shake.

Which is why we have earthquakes!

[–]esoteric416 25 points26 points ago

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Why did the Norse religious traditions die out? They are so much more bad ass than any other mythos.

[–]DeSanti 20 points21 points ago

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Aggressive Christian expansion. Many villages and realms (at least here in Norway) was forcefully converted under the banner of Christ.

Another fun fact for you: The missionaries in Scandinavia had a slightly different tale of Christ than the one we know of now. He was referred to as White-Christ (Kvitekrist) and was a glorious Warrior God King, undefeated in countless of battles and was the son of the One True God. Very much in tune with the (then) current religious and societal norms of the Norse.

[–]Oxxide 11 points12 points ago

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and was a glorious Warrior God King, undefeated in countless of battles and was the son of the One True God

This is a religion I could get behind.

[–]buttlorde 7 points8 points ago

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Fun fact: When the Norwegian kings sent missionaries to convert Iceland, all the Icelanders were very willing to submit to this Jesus dude.

Some years later, they check back, and find that they just added Jesus the Warrior King of Blood to the existing pantheon.

I want stories about Jesus murdering giants with his homeboy Thor.

[–]Delfishie 2 points3 points ago

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I think you just stumbled upon the next great comic book series.

[–]DeSanti 9 points10 points ago

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I believe that was the point when converting the Norse as well.

[–]un_leche 4 points5 points ago

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Where can I read and learn more about Norse mythos?

[–]DeSanti 7 points8 points ago*

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There's two main written 'collections' of Norse mythos, collectively known as "The Eddas", you have the poetic and the prose form. They deal with everything from 'stories about the Gods' to the 'Creation of the World' and to the end (Ragnarok) - most of those within Voluspå.

Here's where you can read them:

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/poe/poe03.htm

http://www.wisdomlib.org/norse/book/the-prose-edda/d/doc4911.html#page-1

http://cybersamurai.net/Mythology/nordic_gods/LegendsSagas/Edda/PoeticEdda/Voluspo.htm

I also recommend using Wikipedia as they have some great resources (at the very least links to them).

Just keep in mind that the Norse myths largely thrived on skaldic traditions, basically meaning told stories passed through generations. There's few written records of them and the "religion" in itself has no basic dogma or fundation other than that of the stories gathered (thanks much to the great Icelandic histories and writer Snorri Sturluson).

[–]Kiddmorbidd 2 points3 points ago

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Awesum in for later

[–]Upvotes4Awesome 0 points1 point ago

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Glorious Warrior God King, you say? Sounds pretty awesome.

[–]NEET9 5 points6 points ago

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The more you know~✰

[–]buttlorde 3 points4 points ago*

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Loki is the correct spelling. It is spelled Loki in the surviving manuscripts of the Eddas.

I had to do a essay on any topic relating to the Eddas or Völuspá in high school. My essay was a argument for how Loki really wasn't a bad guy, but because he was a Jötun all the other Æsir treated him badly. The Eddas are written from the point of view of the Æsir, so naturally they try to make him look like a dick.

Þór's hammer goes missing, turns up some Jötun has it. What do the Æsir do? FUCK YOU LOKI GO GET THAT FUCKING HAMMER RIGHT NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

The Æsir need a wall built around Ásgarður. Some guy agrees to do it for free, but if he can do it within 30 days they'll have to give him one of the most beautiful Æsir to marry. The guy is almost done with the wall and enough time to go. What to do? HEY LOKI GO TURN YOURSELF INTO A HORSE AND GO SEDUCE THAT DUDE'S HORSE SO HE CAN'T WORK AS FAST.

Loki acted kinda like a dick for once. What do we do? MURDER LOKI'S SONS, USE THEIR INTESTINES TO TIE LOKI TO A ROCK, TIE A SNAKE THAT CONSTANTLY DRIPS VENOM OVER LOKI'S HEAD. LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT. FOREVER.

No wonder Loki goes to war with those dickheads at Ragnarök.

[–]DeSanti 1 point2 points ago

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I know Loki is written in old Icelandic - it wasn't really the -e/-i difference I meant to point out, sorry for the confusion right there! It's more the pronunciation which makes it sound less cute (I tried saying it loud in English, Norwegian and Icelandic - also Swedish but we wont go into that).

I just write Loke, Tor, etc as I do with every name - basically using my own language's spelling, which in my case would be Norwegian. A habit, really.

But yeah, you'll get the impression when reading the Eddas that the Æsir are kinda hot-headed and devious. It seems to me that the Vanir seems much less prone to the bastardy tendencies that some Æsir have. . .

[–]buttlorde 0 points1 point ago

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But yeah, you'll get the impression when reading the Eddas that the Æsir are kinda hot-headed and devious. It seems to me that the Vanir seems much less prone to the bastardy tendencies that some Æsir have.

My favorite is probably when Baldur dies, and the Æsir get a dwarf to build a magnificent ship to burn him in. Dwarf builds ship. Ship is awesome. Æsir have funeral.

Thor gets so fucking drunk and angry at the funeral that he kicks the dwarf into the burning ship. Dwarf dies a horrible death in the fire.

Thor is kind of a dick.

[–]Syn7axError 1 point2 points ago

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Alright, the other gods are starting to look like the villains now.

[–]Second_Foundationeer 0 points1 point ago

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His wife was also a giantess, which was weird... but Loki was a perfectly okay God. All he did was fuck up a little too much and tricked someone into killing the favorite son of Odin.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 11 points12 points ago

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A friend of mine had a couple of Chinchillas named "Thor" and "Loki".

...Thor died.

[–]kujo777 25 points26 points ago

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Spoilers!

[–]bumblebeerose 1 point2 points ago

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When I have a baby I am determined to call it Loki if it is a boy :)

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Loki, you've got some 'splainin to do!

[–]Anal_Fuck_Pussy_Shit 2 points3 points ago

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[–]fuxdx 10 points11 points ago

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In American Gods, Loki spells his name Low-key and pretends to just be a human thief. Good book.

[–]dbcanuck 7 points8 points ago

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That's a major spoiler -- that's not revealed and is a key point in the last 50 pages or so.

[–]Kaiser_Winhelm 4 points5 points ago

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This is treated as a huge reveal you hobnobber, spoiler tag that shizz!

[–]Sqpon 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know whether to love you or hate you. I went to get the book because you mentioned it, but now I know that's a spoiler.

[–]too_many_penises 1 point2 points ago

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Don't sweat it. The twist is pretty obvious if you have even the slimmest knowledge of the Norse pantheon.

[–]fuxdx 0 points1 point ago

I don't really know how much of a spoiler it is. It is a book about Gods dying off and there is a chracter named Low-Key.

[–]Sqpon 0 points1 point ago

I've found it's really not a spoiler at all. That's the most obvious one I think.

[–]_loki_ 1 point2 points ago

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Thanks man.

[–]jesslovesloki 0 points1 point ago

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Why hello there.

[–]dj_siek 106 points107 points ago

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I'd drink her bathwater.

[–]Roaning 85 points86 points ago

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No, you'd try. Then you'd gag. Then she'd call you a pussy. Then you'd cry.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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mmmmmm pussy

[–]JangSaverem 19 points20 points ago

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[–]ctor9 3 points4 points ago

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[–]t_base 16 points17 points ago

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I'd suck a fart out of her ass and hold it in like a bong hit.

[–]ewrs 5 points6 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]the_great_pazuzu 2 points3 points ago

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An upvote for sucking farts and being okay with it.

[–]shootinputin -1 points0 points ago

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[–]helpmesleep666 1 point2 points ago

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I'd drink a gallon of her piss just to hear her fart though a walkie talkie.

[–]YourOldBoyRickJames -1 points0 points ago

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I'd crawl through a thousand miles of broken glass just to put a flag in her shit

[–]ramsay_baggins 18 points19 points ago

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My friend is related to the guy who plays Loki. Jealous.

[–]philyd94 56 points57 points ago

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So your friends Thor

[–]mgrier123 16 points17 points ago

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or Odin or Freya

[–]DeSanti 10 points11 points ago

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You guys do realize that Loke was 'adopted' and not blood-related to Odin or Tor, right?

Precautionary edit: I know this is the 'Marvel Loki', but as I recall that was also true there.

[–]ORIGAMIDOMO 1 point2 points ago

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It even said so explicitly in the film...

[–]jesslovesloki 1 point2 points ago

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Tom Hiddleston!!?

[–]ramsay_baggins 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah. I can't remember how exactly they are related (cousins or some such I think), but I was like 'wut' when we were watching Thor and she turned round and said "I was playing chess with him not too long ago."

[–]jesslovesloki 0 points1 point ago

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Then you're correct.. I am jealous :P

[–]jwhite878 0 points1 point ago

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My friend's second cousin is Jon Favreau.

[–]De_Angelo 10 points11 points ago

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BY THE POWER OF ASSGARD!!!!!

[–]Scumbag_Jesus 21 points22 points ago

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You lured me in under the false pretense there would be Lawrence brothers!

[–]kngof9ex 5 points6 points ago

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Whoa!

[–]formation 4 points5 points ago*

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Dat ass [NSFW]

[–]g0guma 0 points1 point ago

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NSFW

[–]almondmilk 7 points8 points ago

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Disapproving Father is disapproving.

[–]mrpappy 9 points10 points ago

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I'm confused by The Avengers. I thought Loki died at the end of Thor, when he threw himself into the collapsing bridge. How is he in this new film?

[–]cogitoergosam 80 points81 points ago

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Someone didn't stick around for the scene after the credits...

[–]mrpappy 10 points11 points ago

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Can you tell me what happened, or should I just download it again?

[–]AffableJack 24 points25 points ago

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[–]mrpappy 1 point2 points ago

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Thank youuuuuu! c:

[–]cogitoergosam 11 points12 points ago

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Nick Fury came to speak to the older scientist dude about doing research for shield, and as the camera view cut away you could see via a mirror that Loki was whispering in the doc's ear. There's probably a YouTube clip somewhere but I'm on mobile atm.

[–]hookeslaw 5 points6 points ago

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If Loki was already whispering in the old guy's ear, why did he have to take control of him a second time?

[–]stunts002 4 points5 points ago

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He had some influence but not much.

[–]Tashre 3 points4 points ago

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So basically Mephisto. Or Voldemort. Or Exar Kun.

There's likely a TVTropes page on this.

[–]mrpappy 1 point2 points ago

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Reddit; the only place where four people will simultaneously describe a scene to you, each with varying responses.

Also, thanks.

[–]kingoflag79 -3 points-2 points ago

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Basically the co worker to the main girl, the guy that in the 1st scene is in a meeting with Fury. Fury presents him with the mineral from Captain America and then Loki comes on, breaks the 4th wall and tells the guy to agree to it. Basically from what I gathered Loki got transported to earth by the bifrost on the rainbow bridge and is now stuck there, so he needs to get back.

[–]TinyEarl 14 points15 points ago

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breaks the 4th wall

That doesn't mean what you think it means.

[–]jamii992 1 point2 points ago

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Nope ;)

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]discdeath 7 points8 points ago

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Yes, because Thor is still at the cinema.

[–]mrpappy 1 point2 points ago

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No, cinemas are over priced and don't give filmmakers much money. I should donate to everyone's personal kickstarter page instead. Because movie studios wont be around much longer, so all directors will turn to the internet for money!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]mrpappy 1 point2 points ago

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Wait. Sorry, was my sarcasm button not help down in that last comment? My apologies.

[–]flamingeyebrows 2 points3 points ago

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He also seems to be unaware that in comic movies falling into a massive black hole might as well be a 5 minute song and dance number on how they will be back.

[–]liquidwax 0 points1 point ago

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I'd watch that.

[–]Legolaa 0 points1 point ago

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I have the bluray, I'm loading it right now... D:

[–]Nezell 0 points1 point ago

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If you haven't seen the Avengers yet, stick around for another scene after the credits.

[–]thegraduate 2 points3 points ago

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Looks like her disapproving dad standing behind her.

[–]Rice_Daddy 1 point2 points ago

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I went to see avengers today and there was a scene with Black Widow's backside.... in 3D!!!

[–]Second_Foundationeer 1 point2 points ago

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Who wouldn't be checking that out?!

[–]silvamagic 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty sure Hawkeye got there first...

[–]GFandango 1 point2 points ago

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I would hammer dat ass, I'd hammer it good

[–]Leafygreeno 1 point2 points ago

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The way the title correlates to the post kinda suggest there's a threesome involved.

[–]nickert0n 1 point2 points ago

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She is fine.

[–]denizenKRIM 2 points3 points ago

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The best part is this was taken around the same time her nude pics leaked. You have to wonder which of the guys were definitely talking out it behind her back.

[–]ThePatrickSays 1 point2 points ago

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Doesn't this count as one of those things we decry, similar to "brogramming" and so forth?

[–]ussoldier239 3 points4 points ago

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He says "That ass", I must not be beholding the same ass as he. For as far as I am concerned, I cannot see the afore mentioned ass.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Knyax 19 points20 points ago*

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If her character continuously points out that she's Russian, that's the Writer's and Director's fault, it's got nothing to do with her. As for the accent in general it's partially Jon Favreau's fault for having her start out as an double agent using an American accent, then never changed it when her real persona was revealed. I can't comment on the acting because I haven't had a chance to see it yet.

Blame the Filmmakers, not the actors.

[–]BlamaRama 3 points4 points ago

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How have all these people seen the Avengers already!?!? It comes out in 5 days where I live!

[–]NoxiousStimuli 4 points5 points ago

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Seen it twice.

For once, you Americans get to experience that "fuck sakes, the UK is getting the release/film a week later? what bullshit." feeling that we do all the time.

England Prevails.

[–]ThisIsMyCouchAccount 0 points1 point ago

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What does it do after it vails?

[–]CochMaestro 0 points1 point ago

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We still got you beat for when it comes to Video game Pricing/Sales

Mission accomplished M'erica

[–]bumblebeerose 0 points1 point ago

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Same here, gearing up for a third time on Tuesday.

[–]littmannsteth 1 point2 points ago

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out in Australia already. one guy did have a fairly large input for someone who hasn't seen the film.

[–]Probably_immortal 1 point2 points ago

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WTF. Why is America the last to see an American made film?

[–]bashbaliga 1 point2 points ago

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Its not released in the US?

I'm seeing it for the second time tomorrow.

[–]Probably_immortal 0 points1 point ago

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Nope. It comes out May 4th but I am already seeing Chinese DVD bootlegs online.

[–]littmannsteth 2 points3 points ago

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because fuck America, thats why

[–]lurkymclurkity 0 points1 point ago

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Typically there are advance screenings for a few weeks before a big movie comes out. If you live near a big city, check the local tv/radio stations because they usually give away tickets.

[–]dragonandthegeorge 1 point2 points ago

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There are many different varieties of cabbage. Green Cabbage and Red Cabbage are the most common, and are the types we are most familiar with.

[–]lurkymclurkity 0 points1 point ago

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What about hot pink cabbage?

[–]dragonandthegeorge 0 points1 point ago

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Savoy Cabbage, Bok Choy cabbage, and Nappa cabbage are fairly common. My extensive library detailing every variety of cabbage and cabbage accessories says not about this mythical "pink" cabbage, but you may be referring to Brassica oleracea var. capitata f. rubra (Read : Red cabbage). The color of this particular variety of cabbage is due to a difference in the potential Hydrogen level of the soil. But fear not! These cabbages still come with all of the amazing and wonderful properties of regular cabbage, with the added benefit of reducing cholesterol levels and looking sexy hot!

[–]Sansarasa 0 points1 point ago

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0848228/releaseinfo

Most parts of the world already can go watch it.

[–]7usernames 0 points1 point ago

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its out everywhere else in the world. I saw a few weeks ago in LA at the fan screenings so im part of a very lucky few

[–]zomgz0mbie 0 points1 point ago

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I would let her beat me up any day...

[–]jenkem93 0 points1 point ago

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"I'd hit it - with a hammer"

[–]Careb 0 points1 point ago

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I fucking love sco jo

[–]Catch22af 0 points1 point ago

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That's somethign worth avenging

[–]Richardrollins 0 points1 point ago

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Like my gramps always would say "I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it comes out." hahah man grampa was weird but awesome

[–]HolyCornHolio 0 points1 point ago

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Damn it...I had this photo too. Oh well I didn't even think to post it. Take my upboat you magnificent man.

[–]Tackers369 0 points1 point ago

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I scrolled through here expecting to see tons of links to her naked pictures, not one. I don't know if I should be impressed or worried.....

[–]Snip-Snap 0 points1 point ago

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Look! The top of her ass, covered by a jacket!!! Let's get all horny about her jacket!!!

[–]trapkingxo -3 points-2 points ago

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I mean she is A GORGEOUS woman but in the butt area she is no good.

[–]morpheousmarty 0 points1 point ago

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There is disagreement on that issue, clearly further study is needed.

[–]trapkingxo 0 points1 point ago

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We're probably have a miscommunication. I am saying she doesn't have like a big/bubble butt. Not that her butt is not cute.

[–]robbyiballs -1 points0 points ago

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his suit looks like a Halloween costume...I think I missed the point

[–]SucksAtFormatting -4 points-3 points ago

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Am I the only one who absolutely hated Thor?

[–]TwilightCurve 18 points19 points ago

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You are NEVER the only one.

[–]ThisIsMyCouchAccount 0 points1 point ago

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I didn't hate it but I feel it could have been better.

When will they realize that I want to more of the super hero kicking ass and less horsed-in romance and goofy drama.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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6 out of 10 on this movie... 6 points thanks to the Hulk but that's it.. Loki was the kind of a pussy really.. Got his ass handed.

[–]HiyaGeorgie -3 points-2 points ago

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He's only 28, wow, looks about 35 (not in a bad way).

[–]Lunatic14 -4 points-3 points ago

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His brother should have played loki