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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]abaddon420 156 points157 points ago

Him and Doctor Beardfacé should meet up.

[–]KallistiEngel 45 points46 points ago

What about Dr. Spaceman?

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

[–]imafryingpan 62 points63 points ago

IT'S BEARDFACÉ!

[–]ChunnianOne 32 points33 points ago

What if he got rid of the beard? Then it'd just be Dr. Face.

HA! Dr. Face!

[–]jakejenks 3 points4 points ago

Scrubs reference AWH YEAH

[–]daveyandgoliath 5 points6 points ago

EAGLLEEEEEEE

[–]200balloons 428 points429 points ago

his office is next door to Dr. Platyp.

[–]Banana_Piranha 735 points736 points ago

Don't be silly, Dr. Platypog isn't a word!

[–]aktone 220 points221 points ago

Right down the hall from Dr. Eggn

[–]xyroclast 357 points358 points ago

Don't be silly, Dr. Eggnus isn't a word!

[–]T-Luv 126 points127 points ago

Dr. An

[–]hypo11 211 points212 points ago

Her?

[–]wittywhit 81 points82 points ago

Is she funny?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

Not sure, but she sure is handy!

[–]-Tyrion-Lannister- 41 points42 points ago

Hey now, I'm sure that egg is a very nice person.

[–]and_yet_and_yet 19 points20 points ago

It's as ann as the nose on Plain's face.

[–]vORP 9 points10 points ago

Dr. Anog is a real wild one, at least her finals are easy though!

[–]Franks2000inchTV 20 points21 points ago

Correct! Dr. Annilingus is totally a word!

[–]2min2mid 15 points16 points ago

, the resident gynecologist

[–]creddox 114 points115 points ago

Every time he hears this joke, he dies a little more inside.

[–]AnotherBlackNerd 164 points165 points ago

Then when he does die, someone will write 'og' on his tombstone.

[–]Sulicius 13 points14 points ago

Well it's not getting any better than this. Thank you good sir, I will now continue my quest of procrastination in other posts!

[–]AnotherBlackNerd 4 points5 points ago

tips hat

[–]PoopsMallard 1267 points1268 points ago*

I had a professor in college named Dr. Hamburger. It was a class about earthquakes and volcanoes. That's it, that's the whole story, you can stop reading this comment now. Thanks.

Edit: PROOF

[–]Thagomizered 1557 points1558 points ago

If you were a teaching assistant in his class, would you be considered a Hamburger helper?

[–]JaYbLeS68 985 points986 points ago

If you stole test answers, would you be a Hamburglar?

[–]mingdamirthless 366 points367 points ago

That joke made me Grimace.

[–]RyVal 66 points67 points ago

you are the mayor of cheesy puns.

[–]Inky_musty 43 points44 points ago

You mean cheesy buns.

[–]bailz 77 points78 points ago

I don't know why they call her Hamburger helper. Does just fine by herself.

[–]drvic59 29 points30 points ago

Real tomato ketchup Eddie?

[–]pureskill 7 points8 points ago

Nothing but the best!

[–]srslytho 3 points4 points ago

Ahh Uban Coffee you know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything, ice cream, mashed potatoes or just eat it straight out of the can for a quick pick me up.

[–]jrriddle 24 points25 points ago

I fucking love hamburger helper.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

you are not a difficult man to please.

[–]CocoaMag 194 points195 points ago

His students must grill him with a name like that.

[–]fuckyou_imananteater 50 points51 points ago

But he likes to stew in his own juices.

[–]makemebacon 59 points60 points ago

I hear he goes very fast so you're forced to play catchup.

[–]SexuallyPanda 69 points70 points ago

When he's raw, things get bloody. I'm bad at this.

[–]RabidWalrus 20 points21 points ago

Shrug, I thought that pun was well done.

[–]destatica 8 points9 points ago

You better watch your buns, mister.

[–]Phil56731 3 points4 points ago

You're not bad at it. Your comments just aren't saucy enough.

[–]Grundit 17 points18 points ago

I'd like to help myself to his hamburger, grill him and stew in his juices.

(Come on, the guy's attractive, its not fair that ladies get all the objectivication on reddit.)

[–]dj_bizarro 15 points16 points ago

5 of my finest upvotes on the house good man.

[–]B_S_O_D 6 points7 points ago

TIL: dj_bizarro has a total of 5 accounts with Reddit.

[–]toilet_brush 80 points81 points ago

We had an actual Professor Snape.

[–]stratagizer 49 points50 points ago

Please, for all that is good and holy tell me he taught chemistry

[–]benchley 168 points169 points ago

Auto shop. Defense against the car parts.

[–]Khiraji 14 points15 points ago

not sure what to believe, coming from a toilet brush

[–]SensibleMadness 429 points430 points ago

How about a TL;DR, Chatty Cathy?

[–]Battletooth 61 points62 points ago

TL;DR: Hamburger.

[–]christianjb 75 points76 points ago

She's a verbose Veronica.

[–]SeekIbiza 81 points82 points ago

Loquacious Loretta-Johnson

[–]christianjb 56 points57 points ago

Well, aren't you the Synonymous Sandra!

[–]flinxsl 49 points50 points ago

ITT: Alliterating Allice

[–]responds_in_verse 74 points75 points ago

I was going to jump in with my own contribution
but a problem came up with no easy solution:
The name I came up with was Rhyming Regina,
and all I can think of is "rhymes with vagina."

[–]lains 23 points24 points ago

But Regina doesn't rhyme with vagina....

[–]responds_in_verse 66 points67 points ago

Indeed you are right; some good rhymes for Regina
are words such as Nina, or maybe subpoena.
But once my poor mind finds a rhyme based in smut
then I tend to get stuck in a Freudian rut.

[–]Crunchles 9 points10 points ago

How appropriate that I first read "Freudian nut."

[–]appers66 4 points5 points ago

Incredible.

[–]jtc0427 12 points13 points ago

Assonance Assface.

[–]orronzo 23 points24 points ago

Elaborate Eleanore

[–]sintrovert 10 points11 points ago

Garrulous Gretta

[–]Mage_tank 13 points14 points ago

Talkative Tammy.

[–]krazbobeans 17 points18 points ago

Wilson had been waiting a long time for this interview, and now was his moment to shine. "You're not just qualified for this job" he said to himself as he gathered his courage, "You deserve it." He marched into Mr.Greensbow's office and the door was shut behind him. To his dismay, there sitting behind the desk was a gigantic 500 pound gorilla. Its body was covered in huge muscles all adorned with thick black fur. It stared at Wilson with a cold unforgiving stare. "Uh excuse me" he turned around to open the door, but it would not budge. He again faced the beast. "H-hi I'm Wilson. I'm here for th-the junior sales p-position..." he said as beads of sweat began to form around his face. The animal just gave him a mean grunt. He slowly approached the desk to lay down a copy of his resume. The gorilla was still as a statue as Wilson's hand inched forward, but just as the invisible line was crossed, the animal snapped. In an instant, the beast lifted Wilson up by the neck with one hand and slammed his skull onto the edge of the table with one loud thunderous crack. Blood and brain matter decorated the gorilla's face and fur as it let out a roar of victory and rage. Wilson's application was rejected.

[–]Mastadave2999 2 points3 points ago

Wha...why was I expecting a punch line?

[–]Biduleman 2 points3 points ago

I have him tagged as Epic Story Time.

[–]byproxxy 226 points227 points ago*

When I was in middle school, we got a new librarian named Mr. Speanes, which is pronounced "spee-nis."

We spent an awful lot of time asking teachers about the "Librarian Speanes." He only worked there for a year. I don't know what the hell made him go into education. He was practically asking for it.

[–]captain_pandabear 91 points92 points ago

I had a history teacher named Ms. Nippel. No one really took that class seriously.

[–]byproxxy 56 points57 points ago

I also had a history teacher named Mr. Horner (someone is about to figure out my home town, I bet) and I accidentally called him Mr. Horny in front of the entire class. Holy repressed memory, Batman. Thanks for stirring that one up!

[–]kelctex 64 points65 points ago

Middle school English teacher: Mr. Glasscock. Is there a prize for this?

[–]Dymodeus 169 points170 points ago

You could always see him coming

[–]guavaman202 13 points14 points ago

The health teacher in our high school was Mr. Kummer.

[–]TheRobberDotCom 5 points6 points ago

My sister's Elglish teacher (at an all-girls high school): Mister Bates

[–]definitelydefined 28 points29 points ago

I had to fetch somebody from another class once. The name written down was "Bowner." Guess how I pronounced it.

[–]BadPunsforEveryone 17 points18 points ago

Why in hell didn't he pretend it was pronounced "speanz". Some people, I just don't understand them.

[–]Dr___Awkward 43 points44 points ago

As a person with an easy-to-make-fun-of last name, I must say, your school should be ashamed. ಠ_ಠ

[–]finanseer 92 points93 points ago

Had a principal back in high school who's name was Alain Guay (pronounced gay).

His front door read: A Guay Principal.

Many a laugh were had!

[–]potatowned 16 points17 points ago

The Student Body president at UC Irvine's name was Gabriel Ayass. Emails at UCI go, first initial, last name. His email was Gayass@uci.edu. It was on business cards.

[–]Dr___Awkward 24 points25 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]finanseer 40 points41 points ago

Mr. G?!?!?!

[–]elgambino 26 points27 points ago

*Cue Music*

"Mister F!"

[–]SpontyMadness 9 points10 points ago

For British eyes only!

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points ago

Don't leave us in suspense.

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 43 points44 points ago

What happened next???

[–]randomcanadian 26 points27 points ago

Hamburger Time.

[–]notheanix 9 points10 points ago

[–]randomcanadian 3 points4 points ago

Hamburger Time.

[–]epsilonius 40 points41 points ago

it would have been funnier if his name was Dr. Hambur. and people kept adding ger on the end.

[–]ator1 83 points84 points ago

Or "glur".

[–]lizteach 30 points31 points ago

robble robble

[–]TachySaurus 17 points18 points ago

Reading "robble robble" made me think I was smelling ketchup and pickles.

[–]muddylemon 50 points51 points ago

That's a sign you're having a stroke

[–]MausIguana 8 points9 points ago

[–]DiggV4Sucks 6 points7 points ago

Ra-rada rada. Rada ra-rada rada.

[–]Koraboros 17 points18 points ago

I had a guy at my school named Mr Perfect

[–]Stylux 5 points6 points ago

[–]plki76 179 points180 points ago

See, that's the wrong way to handle this. The best way would be to own that shit. Put a picture of sonic on your door and just run with it.

It only offends you if it offends you, ya'know?

[–]dodecahedonist[!] 191 points192 points ago

Haha "run with it"

[–]MegaBaller 40 points41 points ago

not only that, once you let people know it bugs you, they are going to be relentless about it.

[–]MrUppercut 8 points9 points ago

yeah, it's funny how people kinda suck like that and that we have to accept their b.s. as opposed to them respecting our wishes. However, being Dr.Hedgehog sounds pretty awesome.

[–]PrincessNuttercup 15 points16 points ago

Exactly! If the guy just had a little sense of humor or something. Sometimes if you can laugh at yourself a little bit other people won't laugh at you so much.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 888 points889 points ago

[–]jlozier 299 points300 points ago

Black chalk on a blackboard, what is this dark magic?

[–]Shilo59 230 points231 points ago

He isn't called Shitty_Watercolour for nothing.

[–]karpify2 48 points49 points ago

Black magic*

[–]wash_like_a_leaf 10 points11 points ago

But it's clearly a green-board.

[–]eCDKEY 96 points97 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour could easily draw good children's books. Not really all that shitty.

[–]tsunake 19 points20 points ago

I've always figured it was a lazy ploy to snag a book deal.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

Lazy? Have you seen how many pictures he's painted?

[–]maxxusflamus 138 points139 points ago

...this is actually of rather high quality....and adorable...

[–]Damian1990 92 points93 points ago

Too high. And too adorable. Do it again. This time, shittier.

[–]JustAsk2UseTheShower 3 points4 points ago

  1. Print this.
  2. Attach to door.
  3. ??????
  4. Profit.

[–]twothumbs 8 points9 points ago

Ah, there you are... What? No stethoscope or lab coat?

I mean of course I'm going to upvote and it's pretty cute, but I just didn't think you were going to make it professor hedgehog

[–]westernarab 3 points4 points ago

This is the best one yet! (Of the ones I've seen)

[–]Leedwover 5 points6 points ago

Perfect.

[–]feloniusmonk 23 points24 points ago

But how does he pronounce his name normally? Head gay? Head guh? Headg? I think he should just go with hedgehog.

[–]Hoobleton 9 points10 points ago

I went for hedge-uh or hedge-eh.

[–]esquilaxxx 3 points4 points ago

I have a friend of Ethiopian descent with a similar name. If the Dr. is Ethiopian, my guess is "head-geh", rhyming with "meh". But then again, I could possibly be full of crap.

[–]spikestoker 185 points186 points ago

Financial Aid Officer?

Food and Agriculture Organization?

Fatty Acid Oxidation?

Somebody help me out here.

[–]VolcanicBakemeat 126 points127 points ago

For attention of

[–]StatesWrongFacts 87 points88 points ago

'FOA' stands for 'Frothy Olive Apples', which was an after-dinner snack created by Steve Martin. It was made out of, surprisingly, olives and apples. And corn.

[–]MagicallyVermicious 14 points15 points ago

Frothy Olive Apples

would be a great band name

[–]StewieBanana 96 points97 points ago

Fucking Asshole Out there

[–]giraffricanamerican 30 points31 points ago

Shwarz.

[–]nibot 73 points74 points ago

Frequently Added "Og"?

[–]ObidiahWTFJerwalk 12 points13 points ago

Schwarz

[–]helium_farts 54 points55 points ago

For the Attention Of.

Yes, it's stupid.

[–]xenoph2 15 points16 points ago

If "of" is involved in the mosaic, why isn't "the"?

FTAO wouldn't be as posh huh?

[–]InfiniteImagination 25 points26 points ago

It's because it's the last word. With titles, you don't normally capitalize words like that, but you do when they're the first or last words.

[–]vinfx 5 points6 points ago

For Any One.... [whomever keeps adding 'og'...]

[–]BanditoRojo 356 points357 points ago

This Doctor needs to be prescribed a sense of humor.

[–]Vancha 227 points228 points ago

People have probably been adding "og" to his name his entire life. I expect the joke stopped being funny long before he became a doctor.

[–]Dr___Awkward 91 points92 points ago

As a person whose name has been mocked since fourth grade, you're absolutely right.

[–]redditwhathaveUdone 41 points42 points ago

I've seen a couple comments from you about this name thing. Not to be a dick or anything but now I really want to know your name.

[–]twothumbs 25 points26 points ago

Eh, he seems to be full of shit/desperate for attention. Chances are his real name isn't bad or he's just a whiney bitch

[–]plutch 106 points107 points ago

That must be awkward :(

[–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 5 points6 points ago

I've had the same problem my whole life. I tell them my name and I always get, "Oh, like the ninja turtles?!?!"

SO FUCKING CLEVER

[–]OneCruelBagel 9 points10 points ago

You're actually GoodGuyAnusDestroyer Teenagemutant?

I bet you hate those forms with limited space for your name...

[–]Symbiotx 2 points3 points ago

Oh hey guys, it's Shredder!

[–]Dr___Awkward 75 points76 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ProDrug 7 points8 points ago

Yep, and then they smile and pat themselves on the back as if they were the only ones in the world to have ever been so clever to have made that same joke that you've heard through the rest of your life...but trust me, you must never ever tell them this fact. Because if you do, they will forevermore try to outdo the old joke and try to make a new one. It'll often grow more and more abstract until no one but the two involved can understand it anymore.

That's right Matt. Call me trite and hackneyed!? I'LL FUCKING HAUNT YOU TO THE END OF DAYS WITH CORNY JOKES AND SHITTY PUNS ABOUT YOUR NAME!

[–]nohabloaleman 13 points14 points ago

Surely it can't be that bad to always have been called Dr_Hawkward?

[–]definitelydefined 4 points5 points ago

Awkwardog?

Ha! It's like a mash up of "awkward dog"

[–]atree496 4 points5 points ago

Oh it could be bad, and don't call me Shirley.

[–]SonicFlash01 27 points28 points ago

I can't describe how readily I would embrace being called Dr Hedgehog.
It's a better last name than "Hedgeh".

[–]light_sweet_crude 24 points25 points ago

Nice try, Sonic.

[–]Vsx 15 points16 points ago

Some people with doctorates are obsessed with being taken seriously. These are the same guys who you don't know so you call them "Mr. Hedgeh" and they get angry and loudly inform you they are a doctor.

[–]epsilonius 29 points30 points ago

so many jokes

[–]lincolnsbeer 125 points126 points ago

so many jokesog

[–]ronconcoca 19 points20 points ago

Dr. Hedgeh is not happy

[–][deleted] 133 points134 points ago

The thought of a doctor hedgehog sounds super cute so I had to make a quick doodle of one.

[–]giraffricanamerican 210 points211 points ago

That is terrifying.

[–]terriblehuman 92 points93 points ago

yes, I was hoping for something way more adorable.

[–]dont_you_hate_pants 49 points50 points ago

Yeah, but what do you expect from a guy named FACEFUCKERS_inc?

Edit: I know this is neither here nor there (possibly both though), but the drawing also looks like the Porcupine Guy from Fringe.

[–]Stylux 11 points12 points ago

A Brazzers tag.

[–]bigwilliestylez 3 points4 points ago

Yes I do hate pants.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

That's what happens when I only have a sharpie and paper towels to work with.

[–]pannedcakes 90 points91 points ago

More adorable version: http://i.imgur.com/nuFJZ.jpg

addendum: I used to design hedgehog nests, they are pissy little buggers.

[–]light_sweet_crude 11 points12 points ago

Motion to find out where this doctor works and send him the picture. Does anyone second?

[–]ra4mchl 5 points6 points ago

Seconded!

[–]ra4mchl 6 points7 points ago

Aw man. I'm trying to find this Dr. Hedgeh and even google wants his name to be Dr. Hedgehog.

[–]dom65659 405 points406 points ago

He sounds like a prickly character!

[–]c4lmlikeab0mb 131 points132 points ago

He probably wants to quill whoever did this.

[–]benw24 101 points102 points ago

At least has has the spine to stand up to people who do this, instead of just curling up into a ball.

[–]c4lmlikeab0mb 78 points79 points ago

He must be really on hedge.

[–]r-howtonotgiveafuck 20 points21 points ago

He should change his name to Metta World Peace.

[–]Squalor- 324 points325 points ago*

Whoever*

"Whomever" is an objective pronoun, which means one should never use it as the subject of a sentence, unless, such as in this sentence, the fact that it is a word is the subject of the sentence.

Example: "Give the ball to whomever you want."

Also, "FAO" means "for the attention of." I think it's a stupid initialism.

Edit: Further explanation: http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/svnxs/poor_dr_hedgehog/c4he34e

[–]FaroutIGE 143 points144 points ago

When you see Whom, think Him. Does it (basically) work?

Give the ball to him.

him keeps adding 'og' etc.

[–]t0mbstone 68 points69 points ago

Excellent grammar trick! Why didn't they teach me this in school??

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points ago

They were too busy making sure you understood just how important the cotton gin was.

[–]thestraightblade 19 points20 points ago

It was important for providing work to African American immigrants.

[–]snoharm 4 points5 points ago

Created countless jobs.

[–]HalfRations 20 points21 points ago

Finally! I've had trouble getting who/whom correct but this makes it simple. Almost as simple the whole I/Me debacle.

[–]Rowsncrantz 30 points31 points ago

It's functionally the same debacle.

[–]yxnstat 12 points13 points ago

"Whomever" is an objective pronoun, which means one should never use it as the subject of a sentence

More specifically, the objective pronoun should not be the subject of its immediate clause. Specifying thus allows us to avoid confusion when the subject of a sentence is a noun clause: "Whomever the teacher chooses will be winner." The subject of the sentence is "whomever the teacher chooses," but the subject of the relative clause is "teacher."

[–]riotide 13 points14 points ago

I like to imagine Dr. Robotnik changed his name to A. Hedgeh. He and Sonic have grown old and moved into a nursing home. Now old Sonic, who can only move at the pace of a slow jog, has dedicated his time to playing pranks on him all day.

[–]Cozmo23 40 points41 points ago

Why wont he just share the hedge?

[–]athermis 21 points22 points ago

Trying to make him a little more OG, are you?

[–]Edvurt 9 points10 points ago

sometimes I feel bad for the other animals who want to share the hedge in a reasonable fashion

[–]Zephyr_9 10 points11 points ago

If his street cred outweighed his scholarly pursuits, he could call himself Dr. Hedgeh, O.G.

If he got a medical degree and a practitioner's licence, he could call himself Dr. Hedgeh, O. G. M. D.

Then, if his ditsy daughter couldn't remember that, she'd say, "OMGD, like, I don't even care what your letters are, dad. Can I borrow the Porsche or what?"

[–]grubtubs 36 points37 points ago

How I imagine his reaction after the first few times.

[–]reyqune 7 points8 points ago

Gotta go fast!

[–]sapheriel 19 points20 points ago

the name tag looks photoshopped, and image error levels seem to confirm that. http://29a.ch/sandbox/2012/imageerrorlevelanalysis/

[–]mmmmmkay 5 points6 points ago

And it's also strangely off-center by about two letters.

[–]ReverendStu 5 points6 points ago

Dr Hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

[–]fizgigtiznalkie 3 points4 points ago

No matter what he tells you, Ron Jeremy is not a doctor.

[–]tealparadise 3 points4 points ago

You should print these puns and put them up next to his notice.

I guess it would get annoying after 20-30 years... but honestly I can't imagine running out of amusement for "OG" and hedgehog puns.

[–]RosesRicket 5 points6 points ago

[–]dmrnj 4 points5 points ago

I'm going to call BS. There's not google result for "Dr. Hedgeh", and ancestry.com has all of 2 records for the last name. In medicine and academic it's incredibly rare to not be published or have your name as part of a state database of licensed physicians. White pages has nothing, pipl.com has nothing, mylife.com has nothing. I can't imagine someone would go their entire life, until getting a terminal degree, to realize that a sign like this would only draw attention. It sounds like this is less of a case of unfortunate last name and more of a case of "OP was bored at work."

[–]drunk_illustrations 5 points6 points ago

[–]no-sweat 10 points11 points ago

Was I the only one that thought the "og" meant original gangster?

[–]nahnope 3 points4 points ago

Seriously? Whose last name is «Hedgeh»?

[–]WrethZ 4 points5 points ago

The fact that his first nae begins with A, makes it worse.

[–]wickedang3l 3 points4 points ago

The first rule of Trollology:

Complaining about trolling will get you trolled harder.

[–]MoonGlorious 4 points5 points ago

I went to see the doctor. All he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go see Doctor Acula. -Mitch

[–]oliwok911 3 points4 points ago

I once had a teacher named Ms. English who was from England and taught English. lol. She was a bitch.

[–]r-howtonotgiveafuck 9 points10 points ago

This hedgehog sounds like a douchebag.