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Well played, Newcastle. [PART 2] (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by lookatmeme

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[–]VoiceoftheMysterons 130 points131 points ago

NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE: NOT MADE IN NEWCASTLE BUT WE ADVERTISE IT AS SUCH, AND LIKE TO WHORE OUT HOW TRADITIONAL AND QUIRKY WE ARE FOR YOUR AMERICAN DOLLARS.

CORPORATISM: LOTS OF BOLLOCKS. AND CAPS LOCK.

[–]michaelkc 15 points16 points ago*

As someone from Newcastle, I don't usually say bollocks. But I doubt they could advertise 'fuck' that much though.

[–]VoiceoftheMysterons 10 points11 points ago

If they said "nee shite", Americans would be most confused.

[–]H_J_Farnsworth 16 points17 points ago

As an american, I am confused.

[–]VoiceoftheMysterons 8 points9 points ago

Howay marra, divv'nt get doon in the dumps aboot it! :)

[–]Jobson15 3 points4 points ago

I thought it was Mackems that said 'divvint' and Geordies who said 'dinnit'. What a Southern fairy I am.

[–]Hounmlayn 6 points7 points ago

fuck off ya daft cunt.

[–]Jobson15 8 points9 points ago

Cahm daan ta Lahndan an say that ya fahckin Norvern mahnkey.

[–]Hounmlayn 4 points5 points ago

y i, who yea think you're talking to hew? You know who my cousin is? He's the hardest in jarra!

[–]Jobson15 2 points3 points ago

This is what happens when you let Northerners out of the mines and the shipyards...

[–]Naldaen 0 points1 point ago

You know, I can see how dropping unnecessary u's from words totally butchers the language now. ಠ_ಠ

[–]oi_Mista 0 points1 point ago

Shuush shandy drinker!! :)

[–]VoiceoftheMysterons 0 points1 point ago

You have accepted your fairy ways. We approve. Also, I don't know who says 'dinnit' in the north east, I was not aware it was a word!

[–]C_T_C_C -1 points0 points ago

Your user name: wasn't he the inventor of the television?

[–]CoolMoD 2 points3 points ago

No, that's Philo Taylor Farnsworth. H J Farnsworth invented the smelloscope, the what if machine, and others.

[–]clunkclunk 0 points1 point ago

H J Farnsworth and P T Farnsworth are related (episode from this newest season).

[–]DELTATKG 1 point2 points ago

H_J_Farnsworth = Hubert J Farnsworth. A character on Futurama.

[–]oi_Mista 1 point2 points ago

I think "hadaway 'n' shite" may also confuse most Americans.

[–]dan_t_mann 2 points3 points ago

I went to university in Newcastle, and I remember they had full-car graphics on some of the taxi cabs advertising Newcastle Brown Ale as "America's Favourite" with the american flag with the logo as the stars.

[–]MokeSweed 0 points1 point ago

i was always told bollocks meant balls

[–]Steakers 1 point2 points ago

It does.

[–]fuzz_le_man 9 points10 points ago

I JUST BUY BEER CUZ IT TASTES GOOD, CALL ME WEIRD.

[–]Mkakir 1 point2 points ago

The whole "getting drunk" thing is extraneous, is it?

[–]arachnophilia 10 points11 points ago

whatever, i like their beer.

[–]kitsy 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, who needs integrity when one's baser instincts are assuaged.

[–]KiiLLBOT 2 points3 points ago

Yeah we do :D

[–]Black_Apalachi 0 points1 point ago

Is it really not brewed in Newcastle?

[–]VoiceoftheMysterons 1 point2 points ago

Not since 2005!

[–]apextek 18 points19 points ago

I used to work for a print shop. Let me tell you how Newcastle almost cost me my job. When color correcting an Ad, the colors tonality change based on the light its under.

300 color proofs is what i went through with Newcastle to get them, to approve a color tone. THey would come back, the skin is too warm, the skin is too cool, too much magenta tone in the skin, too much yellow now. OK it looks good in flourecent light but it doesnt in natural. ok now it looks good in natural light but we dont like how it looks in flourecence.

Had to come in on a Saturday to continue proofing it, this went on forever until we decided we were going to pull the deal. sorry too expensive to keep trying to please you for the Utopian color tonality. "OK it good now" fuck you Newcastle.

You ruined my reputation with a company I really liked and it was a nightmare to try to rebuild, especially with another designer that was secretly doing me in behind my back, because the economy was going sour and she didn't want competition with the business slowing.

[–]lvnshm 5 points6 points ago

How many proofs is average?

[–]apextek 5 points6 points ago

2-3

[–]lvnshm 1 point2 points ago

What the fuck.

[–]chocorange 6 points7 points ago

In Quebec that would be like having the F or C word on a billboard (well almost, in French it's spelled calice)

[–]Malajube117 3 points4 points ago

And it's pronounced cawleess

[–]zBodude 0 points1 point ago

Fanny and children?

[–]blindinganusofhope 33 points34 points ago

Stella Artois: A shitty beer in a stupid glass. Belgium's worst yet most popular beer.

[–]unguidedCDN87 14 points15 points ago

It amazes me that people haven't realized that countries really only export the shite stuff... Take Canada, for example... ask an American that lives close to the border about Canadian beers, they tell you Labatt blue... swill I haven't even seen in a Canadian liquor store.

Likewise I have been learning that the states actually DO have some nice beer, but all I see is bud/bud light (diesel...), mgd, miller chill, coors light (rarely original coors).

Mexico: exports the shit out of Corona... go to Mexico: so many better beers

[–]mjolnir616 26 points27 points ago

Well, to be fair, well made, tasty beer does not lend itself easily to either mass production or travelling long distances. Drink local, people!

[–]unguidedCDN87 3 points4 points ago

Good point

[–]non00b 0 points1 point ago

Depends. Germany is pretty good at pumping out large quantities of good beer. I particularly like Konig Pilsner which is quite cheap for an import.

[–]Dry_martini_SHAKEN 0 points1 point ago

I do

[–]blindinganusofhope 37 points38 points ago*

American craft beers are consistently the best in the world, and currently hold 8 out of 10 spots on BA's Top 100 beers.

EDIT: 8 out of the TOP 10 SPOTS

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]SuperCow1127 2 points3 points ago

I would also argue that American beer is among the best in the world, but you're dead on that BA is not good evidence of this.

I would also argue that for local styles, breweries in Belgium and Germany kind of beat the crap out of us. Does someone really think America has a better Quad than Westvleteren or a better Doppelbock than Ayinger? Come on.

[–]blindinganusofhope 1 point2 points ago

Does someone really think America has a better Quad than Westvleteren

Absolutely not, which is why it is considered one of the best beers in the world and is consistently in the BA top 10.

or a better Doppelbock than Ayinger?

Autumnal Fire is the best Doppelbock you will ever taste. It makes Ayinger seem like water in comparison. http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/368/991

[–]non00b 1 point2 points ago

That's because beeradvocate is in love with crazy hoppy beers, a popular style in the USA micro brew world. There is more to beer than 100+ IBU triple IPAs though.

I agree that the USA is one of the best microbrew nations though. I'm Canadian and love good American brews. The Macro swill gives both our nations a bad name.

[–]FlippyWippy 1 point2 points ago

Unfair comparison. BA heavily favour US beers due to them being a US beer website.

[–]preske 1 point2 points ago

Thing is, there are like a 100 beer-competitions. Unless there is ONE single, official competition, your "8 out of 10" are meaningless.

[–]blindinganusofhope 1 point2 points ago

Beer Advocate is widely considered to be the authority on ranking beer. All the rankings are user generated from an extremely vast pool.

[–]preske 3 points4 points ago

Ratebeer and the WBA claim the same thing.

edit, and to be fair, BA mostly has an American demographic, so there's that to take into account.

[–]modix 0 points1 point ago

Ratebeer, however, is much more international. American beer dominates there as well. More than anything, it's the sheer amount of craft brewers in the US. It's a big country with a lot of brewers, most of the free of traditional notions of beer, while able to pick from their favorites to brew.

[–]preske 2 points3 points ago

I'm sure the American voters dominate the userbase too, regardless of being more international.

[–]dboggia 2 points3 points ago

Corona is meh. Brahma is a lot tastier, if you can get your hands on it. (Not many vendors in New England carry it)

[–]gulmargha -3 points-2 points ago

If you're in New England, your best bet is anything from Magic Hat Brewery

[–]nickdanger3d 0 points1 point ago

your best bet is anything from Magic Hat Brewery The Alchemist.

Too bad their pub got flooded out, at least I can still get Heady Topper.

[–]dboggia 0 points1 point ago

Magic hat is good, but there are other breweries that pop into my head before they do. Long trail for one, while we're talking Vermont. Geary's. Shipyard. Harpoon. Red Hook. Tons of great beers between these places.

[–]tsjb 5 points6 points ago*

Same as Fosters in the UK; advertises itself as an all-Australian beer and they neither drink it nor even sell it there.

[–]Todomanna 5 points6 points ago

But... but... it's Australian for Bee-ah!

[–]not_so_evil_scotsman 1 point2 points ago

My mate had an experience with this in Oz, where they were selling Tennents like it was some high class Scottish beer, for several dollars more than good Ozzie stuff. True we all do drink Tennants in Scotland (unlike Fosters) but c'mon, we all know it's cat's piss...

[–]el_pollo_gigantes 0 points1 point ago

I don't drink it.

[–]not_so_evil_scotsman 1 point2 points ago

You should, you lived in it's homeland long enough!

[–]el_pollo_gigantes 0 points1 point ago

But it's shit.

[–]tomjenks1 1 point2 points ago

yea. america has a lot of fine beers, however the ones that are bought for large parties are usually the shit beers (bud/coors...) because they are so cheap. but there are also some really good mass produced ones like Shiner Bock.

[–]dangerbird2 2 points3 points ago

To be fair, the box wine that continental europeans guzzle down on a daily basis is just as cheap and gross.

[–]LBK2013 0 points1 point ago

Shiner isnt really massed produced at least in comparison to Budweiser/Coors/Miller

[–]frizzlefry90 1 point2 points ago

I live near cleveland ohio, we have several good local breweries. Great Lakes, Fat Head's, Thirsty Dog to name a few.

My other less local favorites are Dogfishhead, Stone, Founders, and while Budweiser is obviously the largest beer company in the US (as well as the world) we have many many craft breweries and a wide selection of great beers.

Though, of the beers ive tried, Belgium beers/style tend to be my favorites. Duvel is one that comes to mind.

off topic: ive never had a Goose Island beer that blew me away. some of my friends love this stuff.

[–]preske 0 points1 point ago

I think you'll find Belgium exports lots of good beers too.

[–]MrDTD 0 points1 point ago

I'm a fan of labatt's when I want something cheep to drink on a hot day. It's not a good beer, just 'good enough'.

[–]wags83 0 points1 point ago

The Banquet Beer (original coors) is pretty damn rare in the states too actually. I'm shocked to remember it exists every time I see it.

[–]cdahlkvist 4 points5 points ago

I hate Stella but I do love the free chalices they give out.

[–]notshawnvaughn 1 point2 points ago

Au Contraire. Pretty much all of the shitty/popular beers of the world are now Belgium's.

[–]dangerbird2 2 points3 points ago

Leffe and Hoegaarden are some of the best beers to be mass distributed. Stella gives belgian beer a bad name.

[–]modix 0 points1 point ago

That is a horrible list. Too bad there's a few good ones in there. Hope their production isn't effected by the newer ownership.

[–]JimJonesIII 0 points1 point ago

It's hardly Belgian though. It's owned by a multinational, InBev, and brewed in the UK, or at least all of the stuff you get in the UK is. The same goes for pretty much every mass-market beer - Red Stripe, Kronenbourg, Carlsberg, Fosters, Heineken - they're all brewed in the UK and the vast majority of beer brands are owned by a small handful of massive companies.

The crucial exception to this is of course Real Ales...

[–]DEFINITELY_A_DICK 0 points1 point ago

all hail JUPILER. i had a belgian friend who would drive for my company and would bring jupiler from belgium and it was ace.

[–]doot_doot -1 points0 points ago

so very, very true.

i love when people act fancy when ordering one.

[–]oodelay 9 points10 points ago

In Quebec we say "Une câlisse de bonne biere" but it's not really the same

[–]hoodie92 7 points8 points ago

In England we say "I fucking hate the French"

[–]Alistracious 1 point2 points ago

In Canada we say "Sorry about the French"

[–]oodelay -1 points0 points ago

In Canada we say "English are assholes and believe all French are the same"

[–]baeb66 2 points3 points ago

Pimps use the word "chalice," Newcastle!

[–]Fight4Light 35 points36 points ago

I've seen this in r/funny 5 or 6 times now.

[–]chrismastere 41 points42 points ago

I haven't.

[–]HanumanMan 4 points5 points ago

What's Part 1

[–]lookatmeme[S] 5 points6 points ago

This

[–]EOverM 5 points6 points ago

Fuck yeah, Newky Brown.

[–]rosscatherall 0 points1 point ago

Gannin doon toon for a broon.

[–]dont_press_ctrl-W 1 point2 points ago

Who uses the word "chalice"?

Quebeckers

[–]benzoidperoxide 1 point2 points ago

More like same part that we've seen reposted a bazillion times.

[–]doot_doot 1 point2 points ago

hey look, two shitty beers with two shitty marketing campaigns are fighting!

[–]Feetwos 3 points4 points ago

Shitty beer bickering with another shitty beer. Hooray....

[–]PleaseDontStalkMe 1 point2 points ago

I like Newcastle, what beer to you prefer fine gentleman/lady?

[–]SuperCow1127 5 points6 points ago

You can definitely do a lot worse than Newcastle. I think the snobbery is based on its mass distribution/popularity.

However, if you like Newcastle, I think you'd love Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale.

[–]CantSeeShit 0 points1 point ago

New castle is nice, its really crispy.

[–]HittingSmoke 0 points1 point ago

...crispy?

[–]CantSeeShit 0 points1 point ago

Yea, its a crispy beer. When you take a swig its got this nice crisp to it that washes down nice.

[–]HittingSmoke 2 points3 points ago

That's a crisp beer. I don't think crispy is an adjective for crisp in this context.

[–]CantSeeShit 1 point2 points ago

Yea true that, its just crispy is such a crispy word to say

[–]PleaseDontStalkMe 0 points1 point ago

I do love a good nut brown! Cheers!

[–]Horseballs 1 point2 points ago

Pretty much anything from any of the local breweries, or really just anything not made by Heineken or any other giant beer company.

[–]Feetwos 0 points1 point ago

Don't let me stop you from liking Newcastle. I just don't appreciate companies that peddle beer with a marketing budget rather than the merits of said beverage. Newcastle is owned by Heineken, which is right up there with InBev and SABMiller for companies who I choose not to give money to. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of better brown ales out there.

However, to answer your question, I prefer craft beer. Particularly sour beer.

[–]hrishology 0 points1 point ago*

Might I suggest, Rogue Hazelnut Brown Ale. It's simply delightful.

[–]PleaseDontStalkMe 0 points1 point ago

Don't mind if I do!

[–]shitterplug 0 points1 point ago

Shouldn't you be sucking off an IPA right now?

Fuck your snobbery.

[–]fischius 3 points4 points ago

Re-re-re-re-re-re-REPOST

[–]logicallyillogical -3 points-2 points ago

Yeah, I think this is about the 5th time I've seen this.

[–]dayjawb 1 point2 points ago

Man, do I fucking hate those Stella Artois commercials.

[–]cdahlkvist 0 points1 point ago

I hate Stella but I do love the free chalices they give out.

[–]TheNewmanator 1 point2 points ago

Living in Newcastle. I rarely ever see Newcastle brown ale. It's not even MADE here. How the bloody hell do they get away with calling it that?

[–]InadvertentOxymormon 0 points1 point ago

They sell it at all pubs and the vast majority of supermarkets... where are you looking?

[–]l2izwan 0 points1 point ago

He said they're not made there...not "they're not sold here"

[–]fortworthbret 1 point2 points ago

Yay, the battle of mediocre beer.

[–]patriarchofrad 0 points1 point ago

it tastes a bit nutty

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Ca-lice!

[–]leafer91 0 points1 point ago

What's a chalice?

[–]preske 1 point2 points ago

The thing Indiana Jones drinks from in The Last Crusade. If you never seen that movie, it is a goblet. A cup from Ye olden times. (Also, you should be ashamed for not having seen that movie.)

[–]punkdude747 0 points1 point ago

This is a bit off topic, but if it is any consolation about how shitty Stella Artois is, they sponsored a short documentary called "Up There" on traditional advertising using painted ads rather than printed ads.

It appears the Stella ad in the photo is hand painted, which reminded me of it.

Up There

[–]daggersNcents 0 points1 point ago

Talk about under-cutting the competition.

[–]fswizz 0 points1 point ago

The only reason I even know the word Chalice is because of Adventure for the Atari 2600.

[–]arabidopsis 0 points1 point ago

In the UK, we live in a country with a beer and cider tradition, yet companies come along and fuck it all up.

Cider should not be served cold ever (Bulmers, I am looking at you), and ice-cold beer that is advertised is only advertised as ice-cold because it hides the shitness of it (Coors, Carlsberg, Sheep Piss). Proper beer tastes good, and comes from a hand-pulled pump and served at just around basement temperature (few degrees colder than room).

/rant

[–]MokeSweed 0 points1 point ago

Apparently Newcastle has no balls

[–]fizz4m 0 points1 point ago

Well for one, I know that in Quebec we say it all the time.

[–]mrpopenfresh 0 points1 point ago

Newcastle got a new marketing department?

[–]non00b 0 points1 point ago

I like beer with taste so I avoid both of these.

[–]mrkurtz 0 points1 point ago

of the phrases i hate, "well played" is near the top of the list.

[–]DrMrProfessor 0 points1 point ago

I've always liked that beer and stella is a piece of shit so this is great!

[–]Fagel88 0 points1 point ago

Why is the Stella on tap in Spain and Portugal so much better than the Stella on tap at my local bars in California?

Is it some kind of revenge for the American cigarettes sold in Europe being terrible versions of the same type sold in the US?

[–]Apexified 0 points1 point ago

Guinness.

[–]ColoradoLights 0 points1 point ago

Who says CHALICE? People from Quebec. And it's not a nice thing to say. Except when you're watching hockey. Can't help it!

[–]honeybadger21 0 points1 point ago

My buddy ordered Stella for the first time and he was served it in that glass... I told him that his glass was really cute...

[–]scharfca 0 points1 point ago

i see this picture every single day. like seriously, this and tiny hippo.

[–]mindule 0 points1 point ago

Says the ad featuring the 'Newcastle Geordie Schooner.'

[–]rvlution 0 points1 point ago

Fuck Newcastle, they didn't give me a fucking awesome chalice for free!

[–]Cendeu 0 points1 point ago

I personally use the word Chalice...

[–]dysgraphia_add 0 points1 point ago

So, anyone made a joke about UUs yet?

[–]mongojazZ 0 points1 point ago

Chalice should be used more often.

[–]distertastin 0 points1 point ago

Thanks, newcastle marketing team.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Clever, but unfortunately Stella tastes a thousand times better than Newcastle.

[–]mandelbratwurst 0 points1 point ago

The dumbest thing to me is those ads where there is a can THAT PAYS HOMAGE to the chalice. Oh, thanks Stella. I wasn't gonna drink your canned beer without at least an homage.

[–]PleaseDontStalkMe 0 points1 point ago

Newcastle is sooo much better.

[–]raffyoh 0 points1 point ago

so freaking relevant

[–]RichardBachman -1 points0 points ago

What definition of bollocks are we using here? There's no testicles in their beer? I like to think most beer I purchase is balls-free but apparently that's not the case?

[–]beebeebum -1 points0 points ago

I fuckin hate Newcastle

[–]iethree -1 points0 points ago

who reposts this shit? stop the bollocks.

[–]Bennettjames -1 points0 points ago

Repost

[–]LSYouTiger -2 points-1 points ago

why the repost?

[–]HackingDolphin -2 points-1 points ago

WHO USES THE WORD BOLLOCKS

[–]lookatmeme[S] -3 points-2 points ago

Video adverts here.

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