Well, I certainly applaud anyone wanting to eat a hundred children, but take it from this old cannibal rat, I've spent my entire adult life on public beaches eating children, and a program like this one can do more harm than good.

It's like putting a powerful engine in a stock Toyota Tercel. What will you accomplish? You'll blow out the drive train, the clutch, the transmission, etc., because those factory parts aren't designed to handle the power of an engine much more powerful than the factory installed engine.

Eating a child basically only trains the Jaw muscles and to some extent, the esophagus. What you really want to do is train your entire body, all the major muscle groups (chest, back, abdomen, legs, shoulders and arms) at the same time, over the course of a cannibalism session. And don't forget dessert!

I'm proud of you guys wanting to do this. Three cheers! Falling in love with eating children, etc., is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself. And you WILL fall in love with it if you can just force yourself to stick with it a year or two and experience the amazing progress you'll make.

But do it right, okay?

My advice, find a good child eating trainer (especially in the beginning, until you get the hang of it yourself) and let them guide you in your quest for ultimate human child meal. Thirty to 45 minutes a day, three days a week, is all you'll ever need to do (I refuse to believe anyone is so busy that he or she cannot make time for that, especially considering how important it is).

And don't worry about being embarrassed or not being totally hungry the first time you go out into public and capture a child to eat. You have to start somewhere and almost every one of us were there ourselves at one time. So no one will say anything to you and very, very quickly you will progress way beyond that stage anyway. Now get out there and start eating!