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all 87 comments

[–]MandatorySuicide 11 points12 points ago

We're exterminators buddy, someone saw a cockroach up on 12.

[–]fro2020 10 points11 points ago

Bite your head off, man

[–]Grokent 1 point2 points ago

You two win 5 Internets each.

[–]_Lawlrus_ 49 points50 points ago

No one would get hurt anyways those guys have terrible accuracy

[–]LoveKebab 539 points540 points ago

It's a complete and total lie that storm troopers are inaccurate, and it ignores the relevant details of the events.

To prove that they are, in fact, crack shots, watch the opening sequence in A New Hope. Here we have a number of stormtroopers charging into a narrow breach into heavy fire, yet they are able to gun down more rebel soldiers in cover than they take in casualties! This is not amateur night here--this is stone cold killers, destroying their foes mercilessly. They are so effective that the defenders fall back almost immediately.

Then, the next time their accuracy is mentioned, it is in the examination of the corpses of a bunch of child-sized aliens. That's right, they were able to kill a number of small targets with expert precision. Now, it was off-screen, but you cannot get that kind of consistency and precision randomly. It beggars the imagination to think that their aim is terrible. So why can they never hit Luke and Leia in the Death Star? They were ordered not to. The escape was allowed--recall that Tarkin and Vader discussed exactly that the minute the Falcon left. They needed the princess to go to the hidden fortress so they could track them there. She already had refused to give them accurate coordinates, even as her homeworld was destroyed before her eyes. She would never break, never talk. So she had to escape.

Now, killing the one guy escorting her to the ship, or any of the vital crew to the small craft, would be counter-productive to that enterprise. But, they have to make it look good. The escape triggered an alarm. Even if it hadn't (highly unlikely--they command was far too competent at their jobs to let anything slip through), Vader knew that an escape was on--he felt the presence of Obi-wan. Vader is quite competent, and so would have certainly alerted command to this. After all, he did have a discussion about it with Tarkin before seeking out Obi-wan. The only reasonable conclusion then is that the stormtroopers, fanatically loyal and dedicated to the cause, were ordered to attack but miss when doggedly pursuing these escaping prisoners. And, miss by a small enough margin that it looks good. Recall the bridge scene--blaster fire was erupting around the edges of the doorframe that they were standing on--inches from serious harm. Yet, despite that large volume of fire, in single-shot mode, no hits were scored. And well it was that none did! Had a single shot hit the princess, it could have killed her. It could have wounded her severely enough that escaping with her would have been implausible, and they would have instantly been alerted to the fact that it was a set-up.

It nearly was--Leia thought it too easy. However, any hit would have made it obvious if they did escape, since even if it wasn't lethal, it would have dramatically slowed the party down, destroying any illusion. As such, from A New Hope, all evidence is that they are, in fact, excellent shots and quite loyal, willing to die for the cause without a moment's hesitation on the order of Lord Vader.

One could argue, terribly, that it is simply the quality of the weapon that is a problem. That is patently absurd. The Empire has the resources to build a space station the size of a small moon without being noticed. It wasn't public knowledge that the Death Star was built--it came from nowhere and blew up a planet. No one believed that possible until it happened, which was the point.

This means that they have a logistical train that routinely delivers massive amounts of material across the galaxy, such that it draws little real attention. This cannot be cheap--the cost of transport alone would be immense. But they are somehow buying weapons on the cheap? That makes no sense. They'd make sure that these things were very accurate, and consistent, before the purchase of every lot. Their quartermaster corps would see to that, and they must be sufficiently competent to do so because they were able to build a moon in secret. That's no mean task. So their weapons must be accurate. Ignoring that, it still remains the fact that recently looted weapons, from the very racks that these stormtroopers drew from, were quite accurate in the hands of other people who just picked them up and had not drilled extensively on them. These must be accurate weapons indeed, or the Hand of God Himself intervenes upon every shot ensuring the safety of the heroes and the death of the villains. Now, consider Empire Strikes Back. We see very little of the battle of Hoth, but we do see them rapidly assembling a heavy weapon even as they take automatic weapon fire, without a moment's hesitation. That requires immense discipline and skill. This goes, again, to demonstrating their intense competency. You do not acquire such coolness under fire without intense and rigorous training. Are we then to believe that they train to just set weapons up, but not fire them accurately? Please. So, on Cloud City, we again see a large contingent of stormtroopers not hitting the escaping princess and retinue. Again, this is clearly by design. Darth Vader had the hyperdrive disabled--he asked his subordinates this on his command ship. They weren't going anywhere. However, he needed a back-up plan. They weren't going to leave without Luke, and he wanted his son captured. So he again ordered them to be allowed to escape, but to make it look good. They weren't going anywhere anyhow--they'd just be going straight into the shuttle bay of a Star Destroyer, unable to jump to hyperspace. He knew that Luke had been developing his skills, so it is not unreasonable to assume that he could send a message via the force to effect an extraction. Luke could flee, and Luke is certainly clever and skilled enough to find a way past guards--or at least, past enough that he could get out. Then, the Falcon would "rescue" him, leave atmosphere, and promptly be captured, leaving Luke firmly in the hands of Vader. Lobot being able to lead a security detail anywhere? That's either a gross oversight, one that is unbelievable given that Vader himself ordered the Falcon to be disabled, or deliberate. He knew Calrissian would attempt to break the Princess and Chewie out--why do you think he kept altering the deal, pushing it well beyond the boundaries that Lando would accept? Did he think that Lando would simply go along with this, without resisting? Surely not. This leaves the final movie, Return of the Jedi. Again, we see nothing but extreme competency and accuracy on the part of the stormtroopers in battle.

During the battle, we never see the results of their pot-shots against rebels or Ewoks, but we do see them laying down a consistent volley of fire, with disciplined shots, and constant ducking back to cover. One could argue this would mean inaccurate shots, but given the first movie's opening sequence, that is hard to believe. They were using the sights to aim, instead of firing from the hip, during this fight and on the ship combat, they did not bother aiming carefully. It's hard to believe they lose any accuracy at all when using a more carefully aimed approach. So what direct evidence do we have of their shooting? When Han and Leia are attempting to break into the bunker, two successive pot-shots hit a child-sized object behind partial cover, instant disabling the droid, and inflicting a potentially serious wound on Leia. Again, these were shots taken under hasty aim against targets behind cover, while shots were going towards them. This is not an easy thing--ask an infantryman if you disbelieve me.

The evidence is clear--Stormtroopers are quite accurate and effective soldiers, with top of the line equipment. Claiming otherwise is slander.

[–]tklibe 85 points86 points ago

You've... you've thought about this for a while then, eh?

[–]punter75 3 points4 points ago

[–]Eats_Beef_Steak 11 points12 points ago

I...I can't stop laughing.

[–]POTATO_ANAL_ETC 5 points6 points ago

Here's a source. (Scroll down a bit.)

[–]Eats_Beef_Steak 5 points6 points ago

Thank you, but I'll stick with the bernie. Just too much fun.

[–]Zoloir 1 point2 points ago

Should've used the one with vader head bobbing while stormtroopers dance/pointed around him.

edit: jk another guy did it.

[–]PostmanPeter 15 points16 points ago

You are the hero star wars fans deserve.

[–]Sousepoester 28 points29 points ago

[–]baruch_shahi 2 points3 points ago

Exactly how I felt. Perfect choice

[–]monkeiboi 17 points18 points ago

Stolen directly from wookipedia.

Also, the stormtroopers with Darth Vader are supposedly the 501st, which are all still original, battle hardened clones.

The troops on the moon endor, however, was one of the newer, mostly mixed battalions. And therefore substantially less combat effective. Explaining why that, while they are still great shots, they utterly fall apart organization wise against the guerilla tactics of the ewoks and rebels.

[–]the_onanist 6 points7 points ago

Those clones would be 50 years old at least. They looked to be about 30 in the prequels. I'm not so sure they'd be fighting so well.

[–]Kinetic42 4 points5 points ago

The also aged at an accelerated rate during the prequels, if not they would all be Boba's relative age. What is to say that their aging couldn't then be slowed down once they reach "age" 30? Technically all the clones are only about 5-8 years older than Luke.

[–]monkeiboi 2 points3 points ago

2 things.

A) they were accelerated growth, so in fact they were only about ten years old at the time of the clone wars, albeit in fully adult bodies. Realistically speaking, original clones were probably the equivalent of 40 years old at the time of the jedi trilogy. While not spring chickens, the were still very well within their fighting prime.

B) The empire continued to manufacture clones for some time after the end of the clone wars. In fact, they had only started mixing in natural birth troops in with the clones a few years before the beginning of New Hope.

[–]butterpops 4 points5 points ago

Should rename yourself Lovesstarwars

[–]PastorOfMuppets94 4 points5 points ago

AHAHAHAHAHA! GET IT? BECAUSE YOU LOVE STARWARS! HAHAHA I'll show myself out...

[–]CharlesMcFists -1 points0 points ago

I upvoted this mostly because of your username.

[–]QuantoQuandoQuatro 7 points8 points ago

One of my favorite internets ever.

[–]riemervdzee 1 point2 points ago

You should write a book about it

[–]hellosexynerds 1 point2 points ago

Your upvote score is currently 82 to nothing. I think that is a record.

[–]tzfx 1 point2 points ago

wow.

[–]icmc 1 point2 points ago

LAWYERED...

[–]rumckle 1 point2 points ago

The failure of the Stormtroopers is not due to their training, as has rightly been pointed out. However, I suspect, that the empire has not revised its battle plan to meet its current enemy (the rebels) and is still using, and teaching, the same tactics that it used against the droid army. Which obviously led to disastrous results when fighting an enemy that ended up using guerilla tactics (ie in VI, in V they did quite a good job of storming a fortified position).

Edit: Also one could draw comparisons between the US military and the Empire, but that is a discussion for another time.

[–]Raging_cycle_path 1 point2 points ago

They'd make sure that these things were very accurate, and consistent, before the purchase of every lot.

And America would never send troops into battle with shitty rifles either eh?

[–]is_a_cat 0 points1 point ago

America never made a death star. These guys are from the future. well. . . the past. But the past-future.

[–]llirrem 6 points7 points ago

Not to mention that stormtroopers were born for combat. They were all clones and trained since birth to be the best soldiers they could be. And during their breeding they were genetically altered to follow any order they were given by a superior.

And You sir are, as of this moment, the coolest person on the internet.

[–]nwow 23 points24 points ago

By the time of A New Hope most Stormtroopers were in fact no longer clones, with the major exception of Vader's 501st and some SpecForce units.

[–]llirrem 0 points1 point ago

Not the original ones from the 2nd and 3rd movie, but they were still clones. Remember in A New Hope when luke was disguised as a stormtrooper? Leia said "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?" If most stormtroopers were no longer clones then that line would make no sense.

[–]Dr_Drunk 0 points1 point ago

What if they had height requirements for the different branches of military? A minimum height for stormtroopers would easily explain this.

[–]tylerbrainerd 0 points1 point ago

The Galactic Empire had a pretty large pool of storm troopers to pull from to meet specific height requirements.

sometimes I dream about the subtle things like this in the original trilogy being done better, but then I remember that George Lucas made those good on accident.

[–]ukp42 3 points4 points ago

Are you Simon Pegg?

[–]Woundedkneecap3 2 points3 points ago

Wall of text, have mercy on my poor soul!

[–]jezmaster 0 points1 point ago

aaah but what about the one that banged his head eh? checkmate.

[–]tylerbrainerd 0 points1 point ago

he was hungover

[–]MrGrumpyBear 0 points1 point ago

Well done, sir. Have all my upvotes.

[–]whut 0 points1 point ago

I love you, LoveKebab.

[–]avsa 0 points1 point ago

As a mod for /r/asksciencefiction , all I can say is that we need people with your kind of talent there ;)

[–]cm1993 0 points1 point ago

What does your girlfriend think about this?

[–]iSanddbox 0 points1 point ago

Completely stolen.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]TONY-PERFECT[S] 8 points9 points ago

I don't know, those British Police have been trained to handle their bobbies from a fair distance ;)

[–]ImRussell 23 points24 points ago

British police are amongst the greatest police in the world. For instance, they are not armed, so if they really want to kill someone, they have to physically beat them to death.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

The Look Of Disapproval actually remains copyright of the British Police.

A long stare, and (if needed) a "tsk" will suffice for most situations. For extreme situations, a murmured "deary, deary me" may be called for, but those officers have to be specially licensed.

Except the Met, obviously, who just twat anyone within range.

[–]vikdees 3 points4 points ago

*Britishenglishpolice

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I heard that he was suspended, pending the revealing of a plausible excuse that would explain everything if you didn't listen too hard.

[–]BeatlesForSale 4 points5 points ago

Handle their bobbies? I hope they're not handling other policemen...

[–]DarkFury0706 7 points8 points ago

i want to know where i can get a costume like that

[–]seano2101 12 points13 points ago*

501st legion

[–]cuntbag0315 1 point2 points ago

501st Legion....I've corrected you...accept it.

[–]SpacemanSpiff56 5 points6 points ago

What a cuntbag.

[–]cuntbag0315 0 points1 point ago

you sir deserve my upvote

[–]fitzroy_doll 5 points6 points ago

There is only one police officer in the picture. The two on the left (with blue epaulettes) are Community Support Officers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_support_officer

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

Let me tell you something. If was planning an attack on a country, I would have the troops dress up as fucking storm troopers. The enemy wouldn't be able to open fire on us because of how confused they were plus they would assume Darth Vader was behind the assault... and therefore they would just surrender.

[–]gaunten 2 points3 points ago

"excuse me, have you guys seen the princess?"

[–]SkippyRodriguez 2 points3 points ago

What's all this, then?

[–]treazer 1 point2 points ago

Gamescom 2011 in Cologne. I have seen them. No one got hurt.

[–]nicksterv 1 point2 points ago

I'm fairly sure that's the MCM Expo in London - Those police officers look British, and the background looks like the ExCeL Center.

[–]treazer 0 points1 point ago

Yea, this is possible, too. However, I am sure too that I have seen the same^ Some images (ofc not enough proof to say where the image was taken): http://www.el33tonline.com/past/2011/8/27/gamescom_2011_a_gallery_of_zombies/

[–]thatnerdykid 0 points1 point ago

damn it. you Germans have so much more fun than us.

[–]Republiken 2 points3 points ago

Excuse me officer, but have you seen these droids we are looking for?

[–]Pachi2Sexy 0 points1 point ago

The police officers are know thinking why don't we have badass uniforms at this day and age.

[–]Cyborg771 0 points1 point ago

Saw these guys (or other members of the 501st) today at FanExpo Vancouver.

[–]Dltcrazy 0 points1 point ago

Move along, move along

[–]LtVincentHanna 0 points1 point ago

Sandtrooper suits and rifles are awesome. They were my favorite star wars action figures as a kid (aside from Boba Fett of course)

[–]UtopiaToaster 0 points1 point ago

Turf wars...

[–]WendyLRogers3 0 points1 point ago

A typical Gungun standoff.

[–]UndeadPirateLeChuck 0 points1 point ago

I've decided that if I ever want to go evil mastermind and take over a city, I'm going to disguise the attack as a Star Wars convention, with real guns with blaster-shaped exterior. Everyone lets Stormtroopers walk around with weapons without thinking twice.

[–]JustisM 0 points1 point ago

i really want a nice storm trooper suit like that.

[–]vassalloraptor 0 points1 point ago

As a nerd, I know EXACTLY where this was taken. Its at a convention in Milton Keynes, because I have a picture of me and a Storm Trooper in near-on exactly the same place. Weird!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

these are not the droids we are looking for.

[–]FlatlanderMachine -2 points-1 points ago

Now that's scary... imagine if for a school shooting a bunch of people dressed up in Star Wars costumes like storm troopers, etc. Then they would bring real guns, people might look at them as if they are kidding, until the shooting starts of course. Scary shit.

[–]DerpusOfValues 5 points6 points ago

If you carry a firearm in public that doesn't have any bright orange plastic bits, it probably won't end well for you, costume or not. People take perceived gun threats very seriously.

[–]Tittiesrgood 17 points18 points ago

Then spray your real gun with orange spray paint.

[–]FlatlanderMachine 0 points1 point ago

Thx

[–]FlatlanderMachine 2 points3 points ago

It's real hard to put orange tips on guns. Especially like the orange tips on the guns of the picture in this thread right? Oh right. No tips.

[–]DerpusOfValues 0 points1 point ago

Kind of hard to tell from the image quality but from the distance the police are standing at they'd probably be able to tell whether or not those are just prop firearms. Hell, this image could have been taken immediately after their weapons were inspected. I don't have enough context for this picture but as a general rule if it looks like a gun it'll be treated like a gun by the public. Just google "police toy gun scare". Or hell, read this. He does a better job of summarising what I'm trying to say than I do. Apparently the "painting the gun orange" thing that tittiesrgood joked about is an actual problem as well.

Also, gratuitous sarcasm makes you sound aggressive. Just an FYI. Unless you were actually trying to be. Then, uh... Well done, carry on?

[–]FlatlanderMachine 1 point2 points ago

I'm just grumpy because I'm out of sleep cycle, not trying to be aggressive so sorry if it came out like that and yeah I know what you are saying but still it I think it could be a threat.

[–]redpoint13 0 points1 point ago

Wow.. same thought I had when I saw the picture.. glad I wasn't the only disturbed person.

[–]chickenMcNugs 0 points1 point ago

We all know who the authority is here, guys. The Stormtroopers, duh.

[–]shoziku 0 points1 point ago

I was wondering that myself... who's actually in charge here?

[–]ManekiGecko -2 points-1 points ago

Never cross the streams.