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all 185 comments

[–]lazyslacker 200 points201 points ago

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Genius tagline. Whoever came up with "makes a square egg" must be a marketing wizard of no equal.

[–]d_r0ck 95 points96 points ago

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Especially when a square is a two-dimensional object.

[–]FartingBob 43 points44 points ago

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[–]SUSPICIOUS_WHITE_VAN 62 points63 points ago

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Don't be a rectangle.

[–]AptMoniker 2 points3 points ago

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We should just collectively decide that all four-sided geometric objects are lame.

[–]thecritic06 1 point2 points ago

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You're such a quadrilateral.

[–]GiantSquidd 5 points6 points ago

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Okay. Can I have some candy, mister?

[–]SUSPICIOUS_WHITE_VAN 3 points4 points ago

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Yeah, get in. I've got cake too.

[–]pancakehiatt 0 points1 point ago

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Nice try Gladdos

[–]unclerummy 9 points10 points ago

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That bugs the shit out of me every time I watch that movie.

[–]Eternity42Immensity 18 points19 points ago

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By saying that, aren't you sort of being a

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[–]smarterthannobody 7 points8 points ago

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You mean a

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[–]Negative__One 4 points5 points ago

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  ∆
∆ ∆

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Tashre 14 points15 points ago

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[–]Mr_A 0 points1 point ago

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I think digg must've upgraded again.

[–]Random1138 4 points5 points ago

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Makes a cubed egg

FTFY

[–]renegadeofunk 8 points9 points ago

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"Tobor. It's robot spelled backwards."

[–]ChickeNES 3 points4 points ago

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I see someone else has watched the Star Wars Holiday Special with the commercials intact.

[–]abelian 3 points4 points ago

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Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one!

[–]soggy_cereal 2 points3 points ago

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Almost as good as "makes an egg square".

[–]10after6 1 point2 points ago

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and the chicken who laid the square egg said OUCH

[–]Black_Apalachi 0 points1 point ago

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I guess spending time on a tag line for a pointless product is sorta... pointless.

[–]MamaGrr 39 points40 points ago

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Why is it everything from the late 70s early 80s has this exact font, and color scheme. The book my mom got from the hospital when I was born looks just like this, only different subject.

[–]AptMoniker 84 points85 points ago

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Two reasons: because of the technologies available at the time and of course costs. Back in the heyday of type catalogs, art directors would order typography on glass plates (which eventually gave way to film) or cheap methods such as lettraset could be used as well.

People ordered headlines like pizza. "Hello, I'd like to order this phrase in Eurostile at 72 points and 42 picas. You don't have Eurostile, shit. Well what else do you have by Novarese. That guy's hot right now."

Ads like this were created by hand and there were much fewer typefaces available in inexpensive formats. Also, this still goes on today, but every foundry would be chasing the other in terms of licensing type and then offering popular type for cheaper! This is why there are over 27 versions of Garamond, btw.

Now when the computer began taking over with graphic work, obviously there were only a few foundries that knew what the fuck they were doing and so they dominated the industry for awhile.

The brilliant part about all of this that the largest type foundry in the world has around 22 employees. The upper echelon of the type world is very small. To a large degree, type is invisible in our culture, but knowing its history has taught me that if you can identify type by foundry, you can pretty accurately predict the decade of its application.

So yeah. Money and Technology.

Ninja Edit: Come think about it... fashion, too. I used an example of it.

Edit: FUCK, I should've pointed you to what House Industries is doing with all the Photo-Lettering archives they acquired! I got to talk about it with Andy Cruz from House. It's fucking interesting.

[–]SAWK 5 points6 points ago

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What a fucking great response. Bring it my late 70's early 80's brother!

[–]almodozo 1 point2 points ago

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Reminds me

Just a 70s baby, early 80s child

Reminiscin' 'bout the days in the brick backyard

Just a 70s baby, early 80s child

Reminscin' 'bout the days and you think times are hard

[–]MamaGrr 2 points3 points ago

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Wow, thank you. I love learning new random shit! lol

[–]AptMoniker 5 points6 points ago

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And I thank you for setting me up to blabber about my favorite subject matter. Luckily, my passions tend to deal with popular culture and are slightly more interesting than a lot of other historians'. Otherwise, I'd be Buzz Killington. "Who wants to hear a story about a bridge?!"

[–]MamaGrr 1 point2 points ago

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I'd love to hear a story about a bridge :)

[–]hearforthepuns 6 points7 points ago

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Same reason everything made now is in Helvetica I guess?

[–]CompC 1 point2 points ago

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Maybe it was the default font in their word processors.

[–]Namgal_Sipsclar 2 points3 points ago

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Baby CuberTM

"makes a baby square"

[–]bentspork 1 point2 points ago

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And why are all of the pictures from the 40's and brute before on black and white?!

[–]Sinnocent 61 points62 points ago

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Japan took this idea and ran wild with it. For example: HELLO KITTY EGGS. There's TONS of shapes, they work great. Pretty cool.

[–]esther_mouse 16 points17 points ago

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I have the star shape and heart shape ones. They're pretty awesome.

[–]mynameisgato 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah, I got on a bento kick a few years back. I have a bear egg shaper and a bunny one as well.

[–]silent3 8 points9 points ago

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I saw these growing at Walt Disney World a few years ago.

[–]Sinnocent 2 points3 points ago

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Yep, first example of that I'd seen was the Buddha Pears

[–]Woolio 1 point2 points ago

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Still growing, as well. They're sliced up and used in the Food and Wine festival in October.

[–]casual_sociopathy 12 points13 points ago

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Not even the coolest thing out of Japan in the context of this post. square watermelons.

[–]Unmitigated_Smut 13 points14 points ago

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Very nice, yes, but I think the winner is heart-shaped watermelons.

[–]The_Blurst_Of_Times 10 points11 points ago

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What the hell? Is this an entire watermelon blog?

The Quotable Watermelon

Featured Watermelon Photo

Featured Animal Eating a Watermelon

[–]casual_sociopathy 8 points9 points ago

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Presumably rule 34 is satisfied in there somewhere too.

[–]OGLothar 2 points3 points ago

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[–]agent229 1 point2 points ago

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incidentally, I looked up square watermelons before seeing your comment, and this CNN article about them is hilariously bad.

[–]Sinnocent 0 points1 point ago

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Which are also suuuuuuper expensive sadly. lol

[–]ubersiren 3 points4 points ago

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I have a little fishy and a car. Cutesy.

[–]oldmanrimshot 56 points57 points ago

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Why???

[–]scy1192 141 points142 points ago

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You ever try making an egg palace out of regular eggs?

[–]DeFex 11 points12 points ago

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they could put little nubs on the top and hollows in the bottom, EGG LEGO!

[–]scy1192 5 points6 points ago

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...Eggo? but those are... waffles...

[–]augguy83 2 points3 points ago

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you said "little nubs"....i lol'ed...

[–]DeFex 1 point2 points ago

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little nubs: not just for bf3 anymore!

[–]meat_and_potato 30 points31 points ago

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Came here to say "Why?!"

Then I saw your answer. I have no argument.

[–]stupidhouse -2 points-1 points ago

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Yes. I wish you all the upvotes in the world for this.

[–]stupidhouse -4 points-3 points ago

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Yes. I wish I had more upvotes to give you! Vincent Price would be pleased.

[–]DEATHbyBOOGABOOGA 60 points61 points ago

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Do not question. Everything must be square.
You hear me?
ಠ_ಠ Everything.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points ago*

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Nice try, Notch

Edit: stop upvoting me it wasn't that funny

[–]I_Will_Allow_This 13 points14 points ago

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But you can get eggs in Minecraft, and they aren't square either.

[–]r0rsch4ch 17 points18 points ago

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If you look closely it's just a bunch of squares.

[–]I_Will_Allow_This 12 points13 points ago

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You are just a bunch of squares.

[–]ieatpants 7 points8 points ago

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your mom is a bunch of squares

[–]astronot 5 points6 points ago

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Your mom is shaped like an egg.

[–]freeloadr 0 points1 point ago

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Her?

[–]oldmanrimshot 1 point2 points ago

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Wife??.....Is that you?!?!?!?!?!?

[–]ggggbabybabybaby 12 points13 points ago

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Easier to stack and ship. :D

[–]piggybankcowboy 9 points10 points ago

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Who ships hard boiled eggs? (seriously, honest question)

[–]FartingBob 9 points10 points ago

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Al Capone used to ship up to 5 million hard boiled eggs every week at his peak, its serious black market business.

[–]ezfrag 16 points17 points ago

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Forget Al Capone, it was Milo Minderbinder who had the best egg business. You see he would take the eggs and trade them for cotton, then take the cotton and trade it for silk. Take the silk and trade it for gold. Trade the gold for ivory, and lastly trade the ivory for eggs. Everyone in the Mediterranean Theater is getting rich and you can get in on it too by trading your eggs for a share of the syndicate!

[–]TheJBW 6 points7 points ago

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I'll only join the syndicate if you make me the governor-general of Malta.

[–]ezfrag 5 points6 points ago

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Hmm..Malta is a pretty popular place right now. How about Supreme Consulate of Crete?

[–]TheJBW 3 points4 points ago

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Throw in the mayorship of Palermo and you have a deal. Plus, I have some chickens that need delivery to berchtesgaden.

[–]Treners 3 points4 points ago

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Mayor of Palermo here, over my dead goddamn body

[–]TheJBW 4 points5 points ago*

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The Syndicate can arrange that...or at least provide you with...compensation. How does chairman of the PTA in Louisville sound? What if we throw in a basket of ripe tomatoes?

[–]ezfrag 3 points4 points ago

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Berchtesgaden.....they have beer in Berchtesgaden....and Nazi's.....I have ammunition.....Nazi's love ammunition...

It's a deal!

[–]mystic_burrito 3 points4 points ago

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In college, my roommate worked in one of the dinning hall's kitchens. One of her jobs was to prep the salad bar which included hard boiled. This was a good sized state university so there was no way they would make and peels eggs everyday by the hundreds so the eggs were shipped in. They were shipping in a box and in the box was a bag and in the bag were the peeled eggs and some sort of greenish fluid. My roommate said the first time she saw them she almost threw up.

[–]shakestheclown 1 point2 points ago

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Yep, I worked at a restaurant with a salad bar, and we had plastic buckets of boiled eggs with greenish fluid. Whenever you needed an egg, you just stuck your hand in there and rooted around. Haunted my dreams, but I still ate the eggs...usually whole...straight from the bucket. They called to me.

Edit: Found a photo

[–]zmfc 1 point2 points ago

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but what the fuck was the bizzare fluid?

[–]shakestheclown 0 points1 point ago

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amniotic fluid

[–]owenstumor 3 points4 points ago

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Who doesn't?

[–]PotatoGirl 10 points11 points ago

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Made in China

That's why.

[–]Karmamechanic 10 points11 points ago

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To stack them of course. Actually they are also used as decorations. You can make 2 eggs look like a pair of dice. I had the Ronco back in the '70's.

PS It was a gift and it was completely useless.

[–]bentspork 1 point2 points ago

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Was this a legit Ronco product?

Sometimes I feel nostalgic for infomercials, and this is one of those times.

[–]Karmamechanic 0 points1 point ago

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It was legit and it looked just like the thing in the post.

Oops...might have been K-tel. No longer sure. I had products from both cos.

[–]almodozo 0 points1 point ago

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cos what?

[–]nothing_of_value 0 points1 point ago

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cos companies.

[–]deforest 3 points4 points ago

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square crackers

[–]billin 2 points3 points ago

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[–]whitedawg 2 points3 points ago

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Cutting a square egg: easy. Cutting a round egg: rolly.

[–]squidgy 1 point2 points ago

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There are those that look at eggs the way they are, and ask why? I dream of eggs that never were, and ask why not?

(With deepest apologies to Robert Kennedy and George Bernard Shaw)

[–]applejade 0 points1 point ago

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Intrigue.

[–]radbro 15 points16 points ago

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I bought one of these at a garage sale when I was a kid. I recall having mixed results. Hell, even their example photo isn't really a cube.

[–]christianjb 1 point2 points ago

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It's a superegg. cf superellipse.

[–]larabar 10 points11 points ago

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I question whether it really "cubes" eggs.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]larabar 3 points4 points ago

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"makes a square egg"

[–]hearforthepuns 14 points15 points ago

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12 = 1. QED

[–]Poltras 6 points7 points ago

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QED bitches.

[–]larabar 1 point2 points ago

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I like puns, too, but when people make them IRL I scoff and pretend I do not find them funny. Such is the way of punnery.

[–]shitterplug 10 points11 points ago

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Yes, it does. I found one in a thrift store when I was about 16. A friend and I smoked a joint, then spent like 2 hours cubing hard boiled eggs.

[–]ajscraw 2 points3 points ago

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I had that exact same day a few years ago. Square eggs tastes superior to egg shaped eggs. It's a shame these poor souls may never taste one.

[–]larabar 1 point2 points ago

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Haha that sounds like a fun day.
I actually meant I doubted it because of the quotation marks around "makes a square egg."
I figured that it really works.

[–]shitterplug 3 points4 points ago

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It's not a perfect cube... it's more of just a hard boiled egg with six flat sides.

[–]bijoudarling 0 points1 point ago

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It did. We had this exact egg cuber growing up! It really was orange, plastic and cubed them if the egg wasn't too soft or hard boiled. Many happy memories.

[–]christianjb 32 points33 points ago

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Whenever I want eggs cubed I just do the integral of 3x2 between 0 and x.

[–]HipX 6 points7 points ago

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[–]shoseki -3 points-2 points ago

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I just got that XD

[–]pancakehiatt 0 points1 point ago

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X•D

[–]wellhushmypuppies 10 points11 points ago

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I just wanna say, I'm old enough that we actually HAD one of these! We tried it on one egg, took forever to get it just right, and ultimately wasn't worth the bother. And the thing is, we hardly ever had the problem these people experienced with eggs just rolling off the kitchen table and requiring a need for it.

[–]JohnWang 4 points5 points ago

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but the informercial guy made it seem like such a pressing issue

[–]wellhushmypuppies 5 points6 points ago

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you know how you can tell these people's lives are miserable without the product, can't you? BEFORE the product they're sweating and fumfling with stuff and, worst of all, living in black and white!! but AFTER...well, it's just glorious goddam color is all.

[–]jiminytaverns 7 points8 points ago

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I really don't understand the point.

[–]Conchobair 17 points18 points ago

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So you can stack them.

[–]guyanonymous 9 points10 points ago

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minecraft player perspective to the rescue!

[–]guyanonymous 13 points14 points ago

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They taste the same...but are easier to slice, um make neat piles for OCD hard boiled egg collectors or bulk-makers...look cool?

Best reason though? To troll your kids. Think how confused they'll be - or their friends, when encountering a normal / square egg for the first time, respectively, and having no frame of reference outside the square egg world/round egg world they grew up in, and similarly experience severe breaks in their psych trying to reconcile the situation.

[–]ubersiren 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, like when people cut their sandwiches into triangles... what are they trying to prove? Pretentious triangle eaters...

[–]EnkiduEnkita -1 points0 points ago

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I always do this. I find it provides a wider area to bite into, because all of the filling is exposed on the hypotenuse of the triangle, so it has an optimal crust-to-filling bite propensity value.

[–]turkletom 2 points3 points ago

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Me neither. But it gives me some perspective.

When I saw the image my very first thought was; children are dying in Africa from malnutrition.

But fuck that, we need cube eggs!

[–]ShamanSTK 2 points3 points ago

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It's not like they'll get more food if you don't cube your eggs.

[–]westcountryboy 4 points5 points ago

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Someone bought us one of these after a drunken conversation. We called the resulting eggs squeggs. They fit much better in your sandwich.

[–]catsfive 0 points1 point ago

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[–]UrzaJR 4 points5 points ago

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[–]gregny2002 4 points5 points ago

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This technological wizardry belongs in /r/shutupandtakemymoney

[–]Ajenthavoc 4 points5 points ago

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Shoulda called it "Egg-cubator" and added a heating option.

[–]SpermWhale 1 point2 points ago

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Good for premature eggs.

[–]MisterCurtis 7 points8 points ago

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TL;DR: had one of these, tried it, egg pressure caused it to explode shooting the top half into the air.

Oh man I use to have one of those. When my great grandmother died, we got most of the kitchen stuff she left behind. Amongst them were some of the best 50s-70s kitchen supplies you've ever seen. Half of which we didn't know how they worked. This little fella was guilty of much bewilderment till we found the instruction booklet somewhere else in the house.

So we tried it out...

As we screwed the cap in place which provides the pressure to shape the egg we could hear the aged plastic creak and groan. once it was screwed down all the way we set it down for a minute to "set" as the instructions suggested. Then the thing exploded. the whole cap and threading flew off leaving a mostly round egg in it's place. Then we started thinking that a 40 year old plastic novelty and jumbo eggs were a bad combo. This also got me thinking if eggs have gotten selectively larger since the product was created.

[–]ezfrag 5 points6 points ago

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This also got me thinking if eggs have gotten selectively larger since the product was created.

Yes, egg size has increased, as well as the size of chickens. Due in no small part to 50+ years of well planned animal husbandry. One of my customers has been in the business of selectively breeding chickens for many years and it is amazing what they have done. They breed breeder chickens that produce offspring that are apple shaped for countries that prefer white meat, pear shaped for countries that prefer dark meat, and skinny ones to just lay eggs. The sell their breeders for upwards of $200 each, whereas a typical chicken goes for just a couple of bucks.

[–]xeriscaped 0 points1 point ago

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I had one as well and used it quite a few times- never had a problem with the plastic breaking.

As a kid it was the only way I ate hard-boiled eggs.

[–]TheMediumPanda 2 points3 points ago

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The wheel, gunpowder, the printing press, the egg cuber. All pinnacles of mankind's progress.

[–]aviyoung 2 points3 points ago

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I eat six square meals a day! http://i.imgur.com/867Uw.jpg

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Oh wow, they're like giant marshmallows.

[–]solarparade 1 point2 points ago

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It "makes a square egg", all right.

[–]xiavan405 1 point2 points ago

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"makes a square egg"

[–]AlabasterWaterJug 1 point2 points ago

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Make a Square Egg

It's about damn time!

[–]smbruck 1 point2 points ago

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ThinkGeek used to sell these. I have one. It's awesome, but it is a bother that you can only do one egg at a time.

I want an ice cube tray style egg cuber.

[–]UrsaMajor83 1 point2 points ago

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We spent so much time asking if we could that we never stopped to ask if we should.

[–]ErectPotato 1 point2 points ago

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Where can I actually get one of these?

[–]guyanonymous 0 points1 point ago

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If anyone can point me to an online retail establishment in Canada that sells these for a reasonable price, e.g., ~on par with US prices on Amazon etc., and with reasonable shipping (e.g., not 29.99 to ship within the country), please let me know.

The amazon retailers, as usual, won't ship to Canada.

[–]hearforthepuns 3 points4 points ago

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http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Eddingtons-Egg-Cuber-/350554768805

This took me 5 seconds to find. ಠ_ಠ

[–]guyanonymous 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks. I've not checked in a year or two, so I'm glad there's something available... Granted, $20 with shipping vs. the <$10 w/ shipping for the ones I'd found in my last search (but not to Canada).

[–]millerhighlife 1 point2 points ago

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I think you'd have to go back in time to purchase one.

[–]guyanonymous 1 point2 points ago

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You can still buy them new, and as someone else pointed out, in Japan and Korea, there are many different cartoon character egg-shapers.

[–]mayihavesomebread 0 points1 point ago

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My husband gave me two of them for Christmas.

In 2011.

I was delighted. But I have not cubed a single egg, an oversight I think I shall rectify tomorrow.

[–]TheOutlawJoseyWales 0 points1 point ago

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I wish i had this for easter to make square eggs to decorate

[–]grossestgroceries 0 points1 point ago

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Why would you decorate a peeled egg? ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I happen to put food coloring on all my eggs.

[–]Melyanna 0 points1 point ago

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Stop. You had me at "makes a square egg"...

[–]JFMechdude 0 points1 point ago

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What are the implications of this inventions? Besides square eggs, I mean.

[–]AJockeysBallsack 0 points1 point ago

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Now, some of you may be wondering, "What on Earth would I do with a cubed egg?".

[–]CheesesofNazzerath 0 points1 point ago

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We always bought stuff like this for our parents for Christmas or birthdays cause we ( 10 year old kids) thought it was cool.

[–]Red9inch 0 points1 point ago

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I actually own one of these, though I have no clue where it currently is.

As for those wondering why, you obviously don't package your lunches efficiently.

[–]AAjax 0 points1 point ago

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I own one of these, got it in the 70's

[–]machoroboraza 0 points1 point ago

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My brother got me one of these as a wedding gift.

[–]grottohopper 0 points1 point ago

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Does what it says on the tin, and that's all you need for a product. No one cares what it does as long as it says it on the tin!

[–]robotfuel 0 points1 point ago

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[–]noematus 0 points1 point ago

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Umm, they're called "Squeggs".

;)

[–]MATHDRAGON 0 points1 point ago

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I own one of these. I have never once used it.

[–]Unt0rten 0 points1 point ago

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Because cubes taste better!

[–]Your_Dream_Girl 0 points1 point ago

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I've seen that thing around my house since I was born. I never knew what it was until now.

[–]Fat-Panda 0 points1 point ago

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waaaaaaa????? why doesn't every one have one of these?? it would make everyone's lives infinitely better! unless your allergic to eggs of course.

[–]psychocowtipper 0 points1 point ago

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Monk would love this.

[–]redcolumbine 0 points1 point ago

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I have two of these that I got just out of curiosity ages ago. I guess I should sell them, but I'm not sure how/where.

[–]red_moon 0 points1 point ago

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But, why?

[–]TonyDiGerolamo 0 points1 point ago

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Finally. Now I can make my egg igloo.

[–]o00oo00oo00o 0 points1 point ago

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Alas... all my future breakfasts will be slightly lacking for want of "square eggs".

[–]ussoldier239 0 points1 point ago

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Well that's useful I guess.

[–]henryfool 0 points1 point ago

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is this some sort of ancient thing? i've had one for years, and it works. yikes, am i suddenly 80 years old?

[–]Ref101010 0 points1 point ago

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[–]bobspoonfork 0 points1 point ago

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Come on, same one reported as last, year and last year, and last year, and last year.....??? What to do with a square egg ( lit freaky deek ).

[–]kleptobismol 0 points1 point ago

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= Egg see squared

[–]soundacious[!] 0 points1 point ago*

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Next, put your square egg in a round hole!

[–]CaerBannog 0 points1 point ago

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I have one of these and they work wonderfully.

[–]Notmyrealname 0 points1 point ago

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"Forget about squaring the circle--we've cubed the ovoid sphere!"

[–]JorusC 0 points1 point ago

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Does it work on kittens?

[–]Shyamallamadingdong 0 points1 point ago*

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Next they'll be doing it with live animals... oh wait

whoever does that shit needs to be killed to death

[–]baconpiex -1 points0 points ago

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It's hip to be square.