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top 200 commentsshow all 421

[–]Codycb 162 points163 points ago

There is no font large enough to adequately convey the severity of the 'nope' I've blurted out just now. Honestly, how do you people live down there? Do you have some sort of demonic agreement with the spiders? Do you offer them a human sacrifice in exchange for living on that spider-infested island?

[–]couchmonster 65 points66 points ago

Pretty much.

Surprisingly - if you leave the spider webs alone, the spiders don't fuck with you.

[–]jxcream 22 points23 points ago

is that true for funnel web spiders? i heard they are actually really agressive

[–]kearvelli 47 points48 points ago

People down here do believe that funnel webs actually display aggression and almost a desire or conscious effort to bite humans. I haven't heard of any source backing this up, but yes, do not fuck with a funnel web. I'm telling you, he will fuck your shit up.

[–]Nazoropaz 63 points64 points ago

he will fuck yo bitch and still yo lettuce

[–]opfgt 16 points17 points ago

hide yo kids, hide yo wife

[–]thewaybaseballgo 4 points5 points ago

hide yo snakes!

[–]SideEyedPate 1 point2 points ago

These spiders eatin' everybody!

[–]sonicmx 2 points3 points ago

upvote for the turtle picture reference

[–]Nikoras 20 points21 points ago

From wikipedia" "Funnel-web spider venom contains a compound known as atracotoxin, an ion channel inhibitor, which makes the venom highly toxic for humans and monkeys. However, it does not affect the nervous system of other mammals"

Wtf funnel webs? What do they have against humans and monkeys?

[–]kearvelli 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, it's always been personal between them funnels.

[–]Always_Leaves_You_Ha 3 points4 points ago

Checkmate theists.

[–]Dr_Zandi 13 points14 points ago

Stilts, you say? I'll be sure to bring a pair.

[–]The_Painted_Man 25 points26 points ago

... bringing you closer to the overhanging webs, meaning you get a spider to the face.

[–]Dr_Zandi 9 points10 points ago

But... but....

Well, fuck.

[–]The_Painted_Man 37 points38 points ago*

It is true. Living in Australia, I find it better to discover a spider on the ground. You know why? I don't have shoes on my face.

[–]blackmosss 12 points13 points ago

That being said - almost all Australian spiders who use large webs to catch their prey (orb weavers included) are relatively harmless to humans. It's the nasty ground dwellers and trap builders that are the most dangerous.

[–]DrDWayneLove 14 points15 points ago

I'd rather find a poisonous spider on the sole of my shoe than a harmless one in my hair.

[–]aussie_bob 2 points3 points ago

You might want to avoid looking at these.

[–]Yeti_Rider 1 point2 points ago

Yes, I REALLY dislike being the first mountain biker to rip down a trail first thing in the morning.

Being born a Kiwi, I am still a little nervous living here and dealing with these bastards.

I get the chills when peeling a web off my face, while hoping like hell nothing is running into the air-vents on my helmet.

[–]The_Painted_Man 1 point2 points ago

Being born a Kiwi

... but then you got better, right?

[–]jxcream 1 point2 points ago

ya i heard some of em can bite through shoes...shit is crazy

[–]chantistar 2 points3 points ago

Wait, what? I've never heard of them

[–]kartz87 1 point2 points ago

yeah you do hear stories of the funnel webs fangs piercing shoes. They can easily get you through your toenails if you're barefoot.

[–]r3volts 1 point2 points ago

funnel webs will easily bite through a pair of canvas/light style shoes. Generally speaking, a pair of sturdy jeans and some boots will stop them

[–]PedroDelCaso 18 points19 points ago

Highly aggressive, but they can't jump luckily. Unluckily, they love hiding in shoes and other sneaky places.

Female wolf spiders in season are the worst, they pack a nasty bite and will fucking FIGHT you. No defend and back off, they will legit try to get you. I have too many repressed horrors from these bastards.

[–]Canucklehead99 29 points30 points ago

There a few wolf spiders in my back yard..Okay let me rephrase that. There WERE a few large wolf spiders in my back yard....I have the best dog in the world, she will kill wasps, hornets, flies, rats, and specially big fucking spiders. Wolf spider tries to fight, one bite and the spider dies. I <3 my dog. Biggest NOPE killer in the west :)

[–]syn616 8 points9 points ago*

Until she comes over to you and licks your face...

[–]Canucklehead99 11 points12 points ago

Haha, yea...I just give her lots of water and wait a day or two before she is allowed to do that. Funniest thing is she doesn't give one single fuck if she gets stung by a wasp or hornet. It actually makes her more pissed and she goes on a wasp hunting spree. She snips them in half with her little middle front teeth.

[–]Praise_Jewish_Allah 2 points3 points ago

I want your dog. I live in Canada, is it moose and polar bear trained as well?

[–]Canucklehead99 1 point2 points ago

Believe it or not they are used in hunting. It is an Elkhound, hunts moose, elk, bear, deer. (They are not attacking dog, more of a herding type dog with its bark, piercing and loud, right into the hunter. Terrible retrieiving dog as it gets bored very quickly). Looks like a smaller version of a husky. Here are some images (not mine, dont have a imgur account yet) http://tinyurl.com/86k7o8h

[–]chiefmonkey 1 point2 points ago

What breed of dog is this? I must acquire one to save me from the NOPEs in my own part of the world.

[–]noiplah 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, they're nasty. Girlfriend was walking around her house last year, saw a smallish funnelweb on the footpath. It charged at her even though it could have easily just hopped off the path and into the bushes right next to it. :(

Fuck funnelwebs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

100% true, I found a funnel web full on fucking CHARGING at my dog, hissing (no seriously, the thing was fucking HISSING) and the spider was so big it cornered my dog, which was barking like crazy... Killed the spider with a broom, felt like a dragonslayer.

[–]tommcg 6 points7 points ago

Walking through a spider web in New Zealand is terrifying enough... I did it once in Australia.. nearly shit my pants.

[–]blackmosss 2 points3 points ago

I did that once to a large golden orb web - couldn't find the spider (thankfully) but the web was so strong, impossible to pull off my clothes and hair. I ran home and jumped in the shower ASAP.

[–]DrDWayneLove 2 points3 points ago

Happened to me once, but I found the spider...ten minutes later. On my shoulder.

[–]EvanGarrow 1 point2 points ago

Almost walked into one when I was at a hostel in Cairns. It was full grown and right in the middle of the web that was chest high and an inch away from me. I'm from Canada man I can't handle that shit! The only thing we have to worry about it the weather....and crack heads

[–]dw1813275 18 points19 points ago

As an Aussie I can tell you that I dislike spiders a fair bit, but because you tend to see them pretty frequently in most places you get somewhat desensitized to the NOPE factor and just keep the fuck out of their way.

Snakes on the other hand you see less frequently in suburban areas, but even after growing up on a farm and seeing heaps of snakes, they still freak me the fuck out. Fuck Snakes.

Quick snake story: When I was doing basic training in the army, the instructors would notoriously tell the same story to us about a soldier who got up in the early hours of the morning to take a piss, and whist executing that duty, a brown snake enters his sleeping bag, attracted to the warmth. On return to the sleeping bag the soldier jumps in and proceeds to be bitten numerous times on the legs before he could wiggle his way out. No one notices until the next morning when is is found, a lot more dead than before.

Probably a bullshit story, but I still shook out my fucking sleeping bag every.single.time

[–]biertrappist 2 points3 points ago

Brisbane snake catcher reckons one under/around most houses in Brisbane.

[–]biertrappist 1 point2 points ago

At Wide Bay got that one. Yep roll up your bag.

[–]Penleg 27 points28 points ago

the more I lurk on reddit the more I never want to go to Australia...ever

[–]TheAztec 5 points6 points ago

Don't worry, it's not anything how it's portrayed on the internet.

[–]blackone 13 points14 points ago

Don't be ridiculous, everything on the internet is true.

[–]commodoretuff 1 point2 points ago

Ever since the internet got popular tourism in austrailia is at an all time low.

[–]So_Turned_On 10 points11 points ago

Interestingly enough ... the leaves on the plants are about the same size as your average two person hammock

[–]danguro 9 points10 points ago

I'm guessing that they have had a treaty since the Great Spider War

[–]Chops211 7 points8 points ago

I just shat myself twice

[–]Meeha 13 points14 points ago

We're genetically immune to venoms and poisons

[–]vengeance64 2 points3 points ago

I have an agreement with the orb spiders that live at my house. There is a colony of like 5 that hang about 4m above where you walk out of the back door. So long as I don't bother them they don't bother me. Although at a recent BBQ one of them hung down right next to my shoulder, I was going to wage war on them but I gave them the benefit of the doubt that it was just a misunderstanding.

I live in Brisbane, AU.

[–]redkey42 1 point2 points ago

Meh, it's really not that bad, you just get used to it. I actually save spiders with a cup and piece of paper, just \ pop them somewhere else if they're too in the way. Easy. Spider's just trying' to live, it doesn't have designs on humans as food. :)

[–]eltommonator 1 point2 points ago

It's not so bad; I just put a piece of flywire over my air-conditioner's air vents to stop the red backs from dropping down and visiting from the roof cavity. Waking up to a red back dangling over your face from the air vent isn't the most pleasant wake up call.

[–]TheAztec 1 point2 points ago

Live in Australia, never seen a spider bigger than a huntsman.

successkid.jpg

[–]biertrappist 35 points36 points ago

What a great Englishman said about Australia: Douglas Adams

Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the Bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the “Great Australian Bight” proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can’t spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this.

The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all. But even the spiders won’t go near the sea. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.

Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common Wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as its name, and spends its life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs. The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is indestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weight lifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (Road Trains) have hit them at high speed, with all 9 wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes a symmetrical launching pad, with results that can be imagined, but not adequately described. The second way the wombat kills people relates to its burrowing behaviour. If a person happens to put their hand down a Wombat hole, the Wombat will feel the disturbance and think “Ho! My hole is collapsing!” at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of its burrow with incredible force, to prevent its collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the Wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through their crushed hand as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don’t talk about it much.

At this point, we would like to mention the Platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter’s tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects its aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venomous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all ‘typical’ Australian attributes into a single improbable creature.

The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history: Some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and lot of them died. The ones that survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man’s proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories. Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in Autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons when moving from the top half of the planet to the bottom), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal, and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say) – whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick. Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on Extended Holiday and became Australians.

The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside your boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories.

Be warned. There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the entire world. Although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock, and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.

As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless they are an American. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string, and mud.

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the ‘Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence’ syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land “Oz”, “Godzone” (a verbal contraction of “God’s Own Country”) and “Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth.” The irritating thing about this is they may be right.

There are some traps for the unsuspecting traveller, though. Do not under any circumstances suggest that the beer is imperfect, unless you are comparing it to another kind of Australian beer. Do not wear a Hawaiian shirt. Religion and Politics are safe topics of conversation (Australians don’t care too much about either) but Sport is a minefield. The only correct answer to “So, howdya’ like our country, eh?” is “Best {insert your own regional swear word here} country in the world!”. It is very likely that, on arriving, some cheerful Australians will ‘adopt’ you on your first night, and take you to a pub where Australian Beer is served. Despite the obvious danger, do not refuse. It is a form of initiation rite. You will wake up late the next day with an astonishing hangover, a foul-taste in your mouth, and wearing strange clothes. Your hosts will usually make sure you get home, and waive off any legal difficulties with “It’s his first time in Australia, so we took him to the pub.”, to which the policeman will sagely nod and close his notebook. Be sure to tell the story of these events to every other Australian you encounter, adding new embellishments at every stage, and noting how strong the beer was. Thus you will be accepted into this unique culture.

Most Australians are now urban dwellers, having discovered the primary use of electricity, which is air-conditioning and refrigerators.

Typical Australian sayings:

  • “G’Day!”
  • “It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.”
  • “She’ll be right.”
  • “And down from Kosciusko, where the pine clad ridges raise their torn and rugged battlements on high, where the air is clear as crystal, and the white stars fairly blaze at midnight in the cold and frosty sky.

And where, around the Overflow, the reed beds sweep and sway to the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide. The Man from Snowy River is a household word today, and the stockmen tell the story of his ride.”

Tips to Surviving Australia:

  • Don’t ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it.
  • The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
  • Always carry a stick.
  • Air-conditioning.
  • Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fist fight.
  • Thick socks.
  • Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.
  • If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die.
  • Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

[–]JamCal 3 points4 points ago

I love Douglas Adams but have never read that before! The whole time I was reading it I was imagining it was The Hitchhikers Guide talking and it sounded exactly like something that would be in the book.

[–]Iamnotacrackpot 2 points3 points ago

Hilarious, and true for the most part.

[–]WatchedByChickens 1 point2 points ago

Do not ever fuck with a wombat. Not even once.
A pitbull on tequila, meth and pcp would not stand a chance.

[–]ActivateFullDerp 69 points70 points ago

Australia: Where everything is bigger, badder, faster, stronger, and armed with a poison of some sort.

[–]Pickleduck 138 points139 points ago

and that's just the women!

[–]I_Am_Australia 9 points10 points ago

Will you be my friend?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Just want to point out that spiders aren't poisonous, they are venomous.

[–]missreah 58 points59 points ago

That be a golden orb weaver... check out this golden orb weaver (presented with a news article so you know it's true) this was in Cairns, QLD, Australia:

Nope

Pictures of Nope

[–]yodaiz 33 points34 points ago

The golden orb spider is harmless to humans but they sit in the middle of their web in a big "X" shape. As a result when walking through the bush you can turn a corner and be face to face with these guys, knowing they are harmless does not stop you backpedaling faster than a politician.

[–]missreah 13 points14 points ago

They ONLY cause you to have a heart attack...

[–]Nineboat 1 point2 points ago

Sideeffects may include: soiled pants.

[–]missreah 2 points3 points ago

Side effects WILL include soiled pants!

[–]Nomiss 1 point2 points ago*

You're thinking of St.Andrew Cross' which are tiny. With golden orb weavers you might see a massive yellow box web that is communal and know where each one is by the collection of previous meals.

Edit: Hah, I just noticed my pic is from the same year as the bird attack. It was a good year/season for orb weavers, haven't seen them quite like it since.

[–]pick1scrape 1 point2 points ago

Definitely had this happen to me!

[–]amazoncon 1 point2 points ago

Upvote for "backpedaling faster than a politician".

[–]IPLAYSKYRIMNAKED 22 points23 points ago

Is that...it can't...there's no...seriously how the fuck did you feel safe enough to take that picture?

[–]missreah 17 points18 points ago

Well I don't know, I didn't take them...

but I'm assuming a massive zoom lens might be the answer...

[–]jejemonster 92 points93 points ago

Yeah the photographer was in Hobart when he took the picture.

[–]BabyAteMyDingoes 74 points75 points ago

Up vote cause no one but Australian residents know/care about Aussie geography.

[–]Archybaldie 28 points29 points ago

HEY! hey! some of us care.

Here using paint and a photo of australia ill show you the massive depth of my aussie geography! http://imgur.com/TA7Ab

[–]jfromaus 2 points3 points ago

I love how Tazzie isn't in the photo. Brilliant

[–]missreah 1 point2 points ago

HAHAHA the Atlas needs to be changed!

[–]jejemonster 5 points6 points ago

Reciprocal upvote for the username. :D

[–]GT5Canuck 7 points8 points ago

I got it. My wife's a Kiwi, though.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]missreah 7 points8 points ago

That's how they filmed porno with Ron Jeremy

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Gripe 1 point2 points ago

Took this last december from about 4 feet away: http://imgur.com/6TAGb EDIT: In Koh Lanta, Thailand

[–]ajfili 2 points3 points ago

Camera + Telescope

[–]marmz111 13 points14 points ago

Take it like a woMAN

Yes, thats a golden orb on her...

[–]ramkahen 6 points7 points ago

It's not on her, there is a distinct glass pane in-between them (look at the shadows that the spider's legs are projecting on her face, they are indicating that the spider is away from her face).

[–]danxmason 10 points11 points ago

Wait, the webbing is strong enough to catch a bird in flight?!

[–]mobilehypo 11 points12 points ago

Yep, golden orb weavers make extremely strong, golden webs.

[–]Robama 9 points10 points ago

The worst thing is when you're walking along at night and walk right into one of those fuckers webs. They actually bounce you back.

[–]MorticianofFaith 17 points18 points ago

You walked into one of those webs and lived?

[–]captainflux 1 point2 points ago

This is why we all carry those great big fuck-off knives.

[–]mobilehypo 2 points3 points ago

D:

[–]BHamlyn 6 points7 points ago

[–]Cheeers 17 points18 points ago

Careful of the golden web as you jetpack off...

[–]missreah 4 points5 points ago

I know, worst thing is when it's night and you walk through a spider web and you don't know if that tickling is the web or the spider...

[–]missreah 1 point2 points ago

it's not the first or last time...

[–]kearvelli 5 points6 points ago

Yeah, Cairns is scary as fuck.

[–]butterfried 6 points7 points ago

to back that up in the same newspaper there is an article about a man who got kicked off a cliff by a cassowary. even the birds are dangerous.

[–]kearvelli 2 points3 points ago

The birds are the most dangerous! Magpies makes The Birds a reality. Crazy motherfuckers.

[–]missreah 1 point2 points ago

We appease our local magpies by feeding them, we're now able to feed them by hand!! No more getting swooped in front of the good looking golfers! (I live on the back of a golf course)

[–]Slockeness 1 point2 points ago

Thank you, I just clicked the link and now excuse me while I shit my pants...

[–]missreah 1 point2 points ago

How polite... Good guy poster here is polite enough to excuse him/her self before soiling themselves!!!

[–]WetNightmares 14 points15 points ago

golden orb weaver guys. now that we've named it we're attached and noone will want to kill it

[–]splintersmaster 12 points13 points ago

I think I'd cry myself to death before that spider even touches me. Also I'm a dude

[–]Hellman109 5 points6 points ago*

Try being a guy in Australia who has the job of spider disposal...

[–]makesterriblejokes 2 points3 points ago

I assume a hazmat suit and flamethrower are given first day on the job right?

[–]fAntom3188 10 points11 points ago

Also, I'm a bitch

[–]Willis_McGillis 41 points42 points ago

Even with our Sharks, snakes and spiders.. It's still statistically safer to live here than the US.

[–]theapatheticpacifist 29 points30 points ago

Statesider here, I'll trade my affiliation with Jersey Shore and obesity for dangerous animals any day.

[–]kearvelli 15 points16 points ago

Melbourne, Perth, Sydney and Adelaide are all in the top ten most livable places in the world, Melbourne taking top spot I think.

[–]InbredScorpion 7 points8 points ago

Australia scored 3rd place on the UN Human Development Index 2011, behind Norway and Iceland.

[–]asciimov 5 points6 points ago

Yes but Perth is now one of the most expensive city in the world to live in based on cost of living versus average wage.

More expensive than NYC, London and Rome

[–]Nazoropaz 3 points4 points ago

more expensive then vancouver?

[–]GT5Canuck 3 points4 points ago

Don't talk crazy.

[–]asciimov 1 point2 points ago

Unless Vancouver is number 11 (cause I can only see 1 - 10 in the list) then yes

[–]Charging_in 1 point2 points ago

Due to the mining boom I expect. If people can afford it, they'll pay it.

[–]AlwaysAloneDownUnder 3 points4 points ago

Because we don't have bears. Seriously, fuck bears.

[–]Arcadefirefly 10 points11 points ago

you know what? no. i will take 50 bears for every one spider. i can see a fucking bear coming. bears don't build elaborate invisible traps and carry poison daggers in their face. fuck spiders.

[–]TheAztec 1 point2 points ago

I live in Australia and can't remember the last time I was bitten by a spider. It's really exaggerated on the net. All spiders do in reality is just sit on the wall and stare at you until you take them outside.

[–]hydromatic93 1 point2 points ago

except drop bears, but they're more demon then bear

[–]amazoncon 1 point2 points ago

Exactly. A whole continent dripping with venom has nothing on a country swaddled in firearms. Humans are inevitably crazier and more intentionally lethal than all the poisonous critters in Australia.

[–]Igortastic 31 points32 points ago

As an Australian I was like 'I've seen bigger.'

[–]gravey80 14 points15 points ago

Indeed - so many pussies on reddit it aint funny ;-)

I once saw a Golden Orb eat a crocodile

....and then there are the Drop Bears

[–]Igortastic 14 points15 points ago

Dude! Don't joke about the Drop bears! My sister had an encounter when she was about five and she still has the scars, not cool.

[–]spazmunt 5 points6 points ago

Scars? What... On her corpse?

[–]Igortastic 5 points6 points ago

She was.. disfigured. I don't like to talk about it as it brings up to many emotions. I'm just grateful the doctors could reattach her leg.

[–]captainflux 3 points4 points ago

My cousin lost a 200kg tusker and two pig dogs in a drop bear attack in Victoria.

[–]encoderboy 4 points5 points ago

Shhhh you. If we tell them about the Drop Bears, there'll be no more tourists to feed to the Golden Orbs!

[–]cottonheadedninnymug 29 points30 points ago

People-eating snakes, snake-eating spiders, what's next? Man eating chicken?

[–]Sushirobots 1 point2 points ago

Add to that bird-eating spiders and snake-eating birds.

[–]plasmalaser1 1 point2 points ago

Oh you

[–]jpmcpeazy 8 points9 points ago

Fuck this I'm going to /r/aww

[–]alexanderkensington 11 points12 points ago

Are you implying this adorable spider doesn't belong on /r/aww?

[–]ggrundeis 8 points9 points ago

Antarctica. Sounds like a nice place to live.

[–]anikan72 5 points6 points ago

Snake-eating*

[–]blitzfig 4 points5 points ago

OK, but the funnel webs will eat any damn thing. Much as I love Australia, it scares me to be out in the bush alone (I'm a Yank).

[–]jarjarbinks92 4 points5 points ago

Spot a few of these in your yard, at least you know you won't have a snake problem.

[–]grungevalue 6 points7 points ago

read the title as "snakes eating spiders". well what's weird about th-... OH GOD.

[–]donovanlee 11 points12 points ago

Fuck everything about that fucking spider, it's diet,and it's home, the mere fact it exists will just fucking haunt me for a long time to come. I wish I could unsee this fucking thing, man that's worse than a camel spider. Fuck NOPE !!!!!!!!!!

[–]DrDWayneLove 1 point2 points ago

And these guys live in the city and gardens. They're all over Sydney.

[–]tyroneisepic 5 points6 points ago

If I click that link,I am bringing fire.

[–]Giant-Midget 5 points6 points ago

Relevant.

Proud to call this beautiful death-trap my home.

[–]harryfingers 4 points5 points ago

[–]jxcream 4 points5 points ago

thats a banana spider right? i've heard of them...

[–]aaegler 7 points8 points ago*

Nope, Golden Orb Spider.

You can see the male vs female comparison here. The little red ones are the males and the other, well that's a huge bitch.

EDIT: Correction, a Banana Spider is the same thing.

[–]jxcream 2 points3 points ago

JEEZ! why havnt we burned all of them yet?

[–]aaegler 4 points5 points ago

They're pretty damn harmless, you can even pick them up if you're brave enough. They're passive, nice to look at (awesome colouring and patterns) and keep the flies and mosquitoes away. Plus, when you stumble upon a gigantic one which is very rare, it's pretty fucking awesome.

This is how passive they are, you can do that to any of them, even the huge ones (the one in the video is an average sized one).

[–]jxcream 2 points3 points ago

if you say so...they still look like something from outer space imo

[–]Taffy85 2 points3 points ago

No it's an apple

[–]absinthe-minded 3 points4 points ago

Australia has some of the most bizarre snakes and spiders.

[–]seoulbandit84 2 points3 points ago

seriously, fuck that

[–]o0tenaciousC 2 points3 points ago

Sweet motherfuckin' Jesus, Jorge, and Jacinto Christ.

[–]MyLazySundays 3 points4 points ago

I can't imagine what outsiders think of Australia.

I live southern coastal Victoria and have only ever encountered, stingray, redback, and a few snakes. But I can't imagine more than a small minority of people would actually come face to face with the more deadly animals and seem to make big news on here and freak everyone out.

But hey, what do I know about the other states..

[–]ooo_shiny 1 point2 points ago

Big orb weavers are very common to see up in QLD. I live in Victoria but spent a couple summers up on the gold coast, while there I kept seeing huge webs and the spiders that made them everywhere. Where I was staying we also had a really vibrant green snake slither in to the courtyard, in addition to the large fruit bats that flew over every night, the multitude of geckos and one spider web in the courtyard that reached to the eaves of a 2 story building from the 2 foot high garden.

[–]AureliusAltimus 3 points4 points ago

Clicked on this while laying in bed and then felt something brush my toe. I think I woke the neighbors...

[–]intelati 3 points4 points ago

Picks up feet of the floor...

Strange itchy feeling on every exposed part of body...

[–]butterfried 3 points4 points ago

gosh i miss my hometown

[–]IssacHNewton 13 points14 points ago

Fuck you Australia. Enough of this shit.

[–]Hellman109 5 points6 points ago

Only if you promise not to come here

[–]RagepandaFuuuuuuu 3 points4 points ago

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Kill it!

[–]OreoDunka 2 points3 points ago

If I didn't have to poop before I do now...

[–]lil2faded 2 points3 points ago

aw how cute they're cuddling :D to be honest I'm shaking a little.

[–]babybeamer 2 points3 points ago

There needs to be a warning on this picture

[–]Splurgle 2 points3 points ago

SD-SD-SD-SD-SD-SD-SD FUCK THAT.

^ The noise I just made, falling out of my chair ripping out my keyboard.

Yeah, that was an overreaction

[–]LonLonLove 2 points3 points ago

I can has Skultula?

[–]Dracovitch 2 points3 points ago

FUCKING WHY!?! I saw the title, knew what was coming, but NOOOO I just had to decide that something would keep me from sleep tonight

Well, that's all for me thanks!

[–]ewitt1093 7 points8 points ago

JESUS NEIL PATRICK HARRIS CHRIST THAT IS THE SINGLE FUCKING SCARIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!

[–]musicman5727 2 points3 points ago

I.. I... I mean I didn't want to sleep tonight anyways

[–]OMROKER 1 point2 points ago

yellow orb spider.... they eat all sorst of big animals.

[–]FaithSkirata 1 point2 points ago

Don't worry, the gorillas will take care of 'em!

[–]themann87 3 points4 points ago

gorillas ?? ... i think u mean Drop Bears !!

[–]GrapeApeonabike 1 point2 points ago

Fuck everything about this

[–]IloveyouDJ 1 point2 points ago

Am i the only 1 who immediately jumped on the back button soon as i clicked this? Why do I always click out of temptation when I know it will be bad..

[–]Technosnake 1 point2 points ago

That looks like the Bird Eating Spiders they have in Panama. I nope pretty hard at those.

[–]killerwhaleMD 1 point2 points ago

Looks like the spiders they had in jumanji

[–]Zemblanity 1 point2 points ago

That's enough internet for me today.

[–]youhavetobekiddingme 1 point2 points ago

is its silk like, orange rope? wtf.

[–]UniversalArguer 1 point2 points ago

i'm so glad i moved from queensland down to tasmania, no golden orbs here, i'll take crazy poisonous snakes over huge spiders any day

[–]lousyshot55 1 point2 points ago

You bastard, I was about to go to sleep. Last time I EVER look at WTF before betime...

[–]frgrc334 1 point2 points ago

Not from Australia, didn't say nope... can't say the same for my friend in the fetal position over hear

[–]alk509 1 point2 points ago

Where's the snake eating spiders that I'm supposed to watch out for? All I see is a snake-eating spider of some sort.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Well i have heard of bird eating spiders but not a SNAKE eating!

I live here too

[–]Rflkt 1 point2 points ago

Damn nature, you scary.

[–]HellsyesHotdamn 1 point2 points ago

[–]DeathDealinDan 1 point2 points ago

Well my feet were hanging off the bed..... were..

[–]aint_no_fag 1 point2 points ago

NopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNope

[–]ProsithiusErvingMott 1 point2 points ago

Oh my freakin' god. The entire continent of Australia gives me the heebie jeebies. Can't wait to go there !

[–]Kuro_yami 1 point2 points ago

Biggest fucking nope I'l ever do...

[–]tehbritta 1 point2 points ago

NOPE.

nopenopenope.

fuck alla that.

i'm not even scared of spiders. but fuck spiders that big.

[–]Lance_Strongarm 1 point2 points ago

I misread as spider eating snake, and thought, hey this is great i can go to Australila now

[–]YouLoveAStone 1 point2 points ago

I'm Australian. Mate. I don't really understand. Is this a joke? Do people really not come here because of stuff like this? There have been practically zero deaths from spider bites since antivenin's introduction around 30 years ago. You're a gazillion times more likely to die in a car crash, or get skin cancer, or get alcohol poisoning. I'm from the country, I grew up with snakes and spiders here and there, but if you're not an idiot, or insanely unlucky, you'll be right as rain. Mate.

[–]Ironxmind 1 point2 points ago

Look at the fucking size of that fucking spider are you fucking kidding me.

[–]FeralCrumpet 1 point2 points ago

So crossing Australia off my list D: Sorry, I love the accent, and your charming little marsupials...but the spiders are a big NOPE

[–]Jezzikial 1 point2 points ago

The funniest thing is that these spiders aren't the ones you need to worry about; it's the small ones that crawl into your bed and clothes that hurt you the most ;D

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Fucking HATE golden orb spiders! They're without a doubt the worst web to walk through at night...

[–]Shadzta 1 point2 points ago

[–]PurpleZoombini 1 point2 points ago

I went to the beach in Perth and when I got back to my hotel had to pull off a smallish something that was sucking the blood on my thigh. That was back in November, the bite is still still a noticeable bump and itches. Nothing and nowhere can be trusted, not even the "mild" south west.