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Oh dear (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Eviscerator007

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[–]thoven 71 points72 points ago*

Bizarro Fiction is hilariously awesome. Ass Goblins was an alright story IMO. Other books in this particular genre include:

and so much more. more info

EDIT: Spacing

[–]Ace1999 18 points19 points ago

Now why weren't these titles available on my 5th grade book order forms?

[–]MCSealClubber 11 points12 points ago

Have you read The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Nigger Bastard?

[–]ViralInfection 2 points3 points ago

"Fucking goats"

[–]mattofmattfame 1 point2 points ago

welcome to /r/nocontext

[–]Lz_erk 1 point2 points ago

I can't thank you enough. This book is amazing.

[–]strl 19 points20 points ago

So I'm guessing the faggiest vampire is just another name for twilight.

[–]Jafit 8 points9 points ago

The Morbidly Obese Ninja

Ask a ninja?

[–]DoucheAsaurus_ 0 points1 point ago

Beverly hills ninja.

[–]Durp676 3 points4 points ago

Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere sounds like something someone on PCP would say.

[–]fjonk 2 points3 points ago

note to self: parent lists books you should check out

[–]ASkinForDancingIn 2 points3 points ago

I finished "Apeshit" recently. Erotic abortions and inbred monsters.

[–]dreadfulpennies 1 point2 points ago

I have a hard time explaining to people that I write weird slipstream fiction, not bizarro fiction. Rather than try and explain the difference, it's easier to just list titles at them.

I don't read much Bizarro fiction. I remember one short story called, “A Javelina Story” that still makes me laugh out of the blue for no particularly good reason. It was about javelinas who were hostage negotiators.

[–]jpr123 0 points1 point ago

Weird slipstream fiction

I've been meaning to get into this, but I don't know where to start. Help?

[–]dreadfulpennies 0 points1 point ago

Hmm. I dunno. I don't think "weird slipstream" is any kind of official genre. Slipstream itself is already sort of the alternative music of literature. There could be just about anything in there. I can think of some popular, well-loved ones that probably qualify, Slaughterhouse Five and American Gods. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn is one I recommend to everyone.

[–]thoven 0 points1 point ago*

Heheh, agreed. A friend of mine has started to give his bite of slipstream and bizarro fiction to whomever is willing to read. When explaining the genres to people who aren't aware we're usually struck down by their oh-so mighty morals rather than getting a few chuckles out of the title alone.

A Javelina Story, I believe I've read that before. Who was it by again?

[–]dreadfulpennies 0 points1 point ago

I had to go and check. Looks like it was by Amelia Gray. I read it in "Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens." I'm not sure I could handle a novel-length bizarro story, but I really enjoy the short stories sometimes.

[–]gringobill 1 point2 points ago

I liked zombies and shit. Had a robot Mr. T.

Other books I liked: Baby Jesus Butt-plug, Apeshit, and the Haunted Vagina.

[–]Blade_of_Winter 5 points6 points ago

The Faggiest Vampire

You misspelled Twilight

[–]lediablerouge 0 points1 point ago

No Satan Burger? It's a classic.

[–]Curly92 0 points1 point ago

Thank you so much for introducing me to Shatnerquake. I have now found the perfect Mother's Day gift.

[–]GreenCardMe 0 points1 point ago

gahaha, they look terribly good

[–]cefriano 0 points1 point ago

I'm still trying to find a copy of "The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard". Out of print. :(

[–]Davolo 0 points1 point ago

Fuck off I'm bating..

We all know here this bullshit is heading..

[–]LukeAtMeNow 150 points151 points ago*

It's Monty Python meets Nazi exploitation in a surreal nightmare as can only be imagined by Bizarro author Cameron Pierce. In a land where black snow falls in the shape of swastikas, there exists a nightmarish prison camp known as Auschwitz. It is run by a fascist, flatulent race of aliens called the Ass Goblins, who travel in apple-shaped spaceships to abduct children from the neighboring world of Kidland. Prisoners 999 and 1001 are conjoined twin brothers forced to endure the sadistic tortures of these ass-shaped monsters. To survive, they must eat kid skin and work all day constructing bicycles and sex dolls out of dead children. While the Ass Goblins become drunk on cider made from fermented children, the twins plot their escape. But it won't be easy. They must overcome toilet toads, cockrats, ass dolls, and the surgical experiments that are slowly mutating them into goblin-child hybrids. Forget everything you know about Auschwitz...you're about to be Shit Slaughtered.

EDIT: I wish I could claim this to be my own, but I just took it from the book's description on Goodreads.

[–]Cacafuego 25 points26 points ago

Who was prisoner 1000???

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

Who was prisoner 1000???

Their penis.

[–]papa-jones 2 points3 points ago*

I'm only trusting you on this because you're a manatee.

[–]inYourPantsYo 7 points8 points ago

One side with even numbers, and one side with uneven numbers....

[–]erutuFniatpaC 2 points3 points ago

they used their conjoinedness as a thing to torture them. every morning they have to stand in a row and prisoner 1000 stands between them so one of them has to strech himself wiredly.

[–]oed706 1 point2 points ago

From the book, a skeletal mute.

[–]Cacafuego 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I looked up that bit, too, and now I feel dirty. It doesn't say why they stamped him 1000, but in later passages, 1000 tends to stand in between them quite a bit.

[–]jeepbraah 0 points1 point ago

After reading the first three chapters prisoner 1000 is a very skinny boy.

[–]Cacafuego 0 points1 point ago

You brave soul.

[–]jeepbraah 0 points1 point ago

I just bough it off amazon. If you enjoy being taken out of reality and then being thrown back into it by a choke hold its well worth the read. I read it at the office and after I stopped I felt like my soul had been punched in the face.

[–]flash_delirium 44 points45 points ago

you're about to be Shit Slaughtered.

Literary genius

[–]Faffel 8 points9 points ago

This is infinitely worse than shit hawks, winds of shit, shit blizzards, shit rats or even the shit abyss.

[–]jackskidney 5 points6 points ago

It's a shitocalypse Ricky.

[–]girldrinkdrunk 2 points3 points ago

Fuck off, Lahey.

[–]Green-Daze 3 points4 points ago

Well the shit apple doesn't fall far from the shit tree...

[–]Ranxeroxxx 1 point2 points ago

Your in the eye of the shitacane now!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

the shit hawks are swoopin, bubbles.

[–]Mystery_Hours 12 points13 points ago

Cockrats AND ass dolls!?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

Holy shit, it's a real book D:

http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

And there's more WTF to be had in the related books section

[–]gsabram 8 points9 points ago

Must.. resist... tainting... Amazon recommendations....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

This is why I browse Amazon in Incognito Mode, if I didn't I'd have weird-ass recommendations

[–]ger_guy 2 points3 points ago

"Ass Goblin Awesomeness: After seeing the title, Ass Goblins of Auschwitz, I just had to read. I'm glad I did, while the story had quite a bizarro overtone the book was really just about the lose of childhood and the struggles of growing up. I would tell everyone to read this book, I loved every page :) "

[–]americanextreme 1 point2 points ago

I like to give books by the author out for Christmas to friends I think will enjoy the WTF.

[–]johnq-pubic 6 points7 points ago

Seems like a charming tale ; and I was expecting something out of the ordinary !

[–]tgillespiee 2 points3 points ago

I want this guy to write a review of all books!

[–]alphaflunky 1 point2 points ago

do yourself a favor read this is the voice of stephon from weekend update

[–]WendyLRogers3 4 points5 points ago

So, is the videogame going to be by EA or Bioware?

[–]strl 3 points4 points ago

Same same nowadays no?

[–]jasonlol 2 points3 points ago

Beautiful.

[–]Zackthestogieman 0 points1 point ago

This sounds like a book i wont be able to put down

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Wadderp 7 points8 points ago

This comment, on the other hand....

[–]Jgschultz15 4 points5 points ago

Is destined to be Shit Slaughtered

[–][deleted] ago*

[deleted]

[–]TheUbermensch 11 points12 points ago

You're new to this internet thing, aren't you?

[–]fuck_swag 86 points87 points ago

4chan wrote a book?

[–]thatguywhosaysyup 5 points6 points ago

Yup.

[–]LeSpatula 2 points3 points ago

I guess they also wrote The Faggiest Vampire:

Deep in The Land of Broodsarrow, just outside the village of Gneirwil, and high on a cliff overlooking the Everbleed Sea, there stands the faggiest gothic castle that any mortal being has ever seen. Living in this ancient faggy castle is none other than the well-renowned vampire, Dargoth Van Gloomfang. The citizenry of Broodsarrow sure has its share of faggy vampires, but old Dargoth has always been by far the faggiest of them all. That is, until a new vampire came to town. A younger, hippper vampire. One that emits such a grand amount of fagginess that one cannot help but be completely overwhelmed by his presence. Now Dargoth Van Gloomfang must figure out a way to out-shine this young newcomer if he wishes to ever reclaim his throne as . . . the faggiest vampire.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

What's incredible is that those commenting insist it's a sweet and innocent kid's book, despite the title.

[–]thorbarley 17 points18 points ago

I don't know why Amazon recommended that I purchase this book, but it did. Since July 2010 it has been a focal point of fascination and rage at parties of varying sizes. My favorite moment was a drunken reading in the small hours when a handfull of people were tucked up in my bed as I narrated from an armchair: "The ass goblins let us eat breakfast the child way, but they force us to eat dinner like them. With our asses."

[–]pm1902 13 points14 points ago

It's real... wow. Goodreads / Amazon

I need to read this book.

[–]severedfinger 19 points20 points ago

"Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought... The Haunted Vagina and The Baby Jesus Buttplug by Carlton Mellick III"... I love the Internet.

[–]Peaches666 4 points5 points ago

Carlton Mellick III's Satan Burger is actually fucking awesome. Eraserhead Press produces some great cyber punk fiction.

[–]MetalCricketMode 2 points3 points ago

Satan Burger is a really good book, unfortunately his other stuff isnt that good.

[–]ASkinForDancingIn 2 points3 points ago

He has some other great ones in my opinion.

[–]cawfee 2 points3 points ago

"Look Inside!"

No thanks, really, I'm good.

 > looks anyway

[–]scudmissile 25 points26 points ago

Relevant Perfect

[–]Mystery_Hours 11 points12 points ago

You get a cockrat! And you get a cockrat!

[–]CaseyBurkhardt 9 points10 points ago

Go ahead, skim the first three chapters...

[–]Stackware 1 point2 points ago

Glorious.

[–]bitcheslovedroids 0 points1 point ago

masterpiece

[–]OddOneOut2014 26 points27 points ago

"A must read" - critic who in no way shape or form read the book.

[–]CUM_BLASTED_CORPSE 17 points18 points ago

The review sold the joke for me.

[–]chantistar 5 points6 points ago

Tarantino to film

[–]big_burning_butthole 1 point2 points ago

Well fuck, looks like I must read it now.

[–]Llewdin 6 points7 points ago

Heh. I gave this book to my son last year andhe ended up using it for a school book report. The teachers were not amused.

[–]Squalor- 3 points4 points ago

They should turn it into a movie mash-up with Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead.

[–]Stackware 2 points3 points ago

DAYNJA!

[–]Jumpy89 1 point2 points ago

They Pervert!

[–]igetbooored 1 point2 points ago

I haven't laughed that hard at a trailer in a long time. Now I just gotta find a way to get a copy of that movie.

[–]Jafit 2 points3 points ago

What if in the distant future, this book ends up being one of the only surviving pieces of literature from our time?

[–]Veadro 0 points1 point ago

trololololol

[–]uptokesforreddit 5 points6 points ago

Notice that the Ass Goblin doesn't have a nose... Ass Goblin Evolution FTW

[–]Mystery_Hours 5 points6 points ago

Checkmate Christians.

[–]inept77 2 points3 points ago

By the publishers who brought you Baby Jesus Butt Plug and The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmospher

[–]Peaches666 2 points3 points ago

Cameron Pierce is fantastic actually. He's practically a god here in the underground/bizzaro scene. Met him at a poetry reading once.

[–]cannotlogon 2 points3 points ago

I preferred Dick Goblins of Dachau.

[–]RiddleofSteel 1 point2 points ago

Lol I actually bought that for a jewish friend for his birthday recently, also got him haunted vagina by Carlton Mellick III. It was the hit of the party. I need to go find out if he he read it yet.

[–]likely_story -1 points0 points ago

It was the hit of the party

You guys sat around reading a book about ass goblins at a birthday party?

[–]stumark 1 point2 points ago

Relavent Link - Wikipedia Entry For Cameron Pierce

[–]chunky_goonie 1 point2 points ago

A must read, huh?...

[–]Rowebro 1 point2 points ago

Auschwits the meaning of pain the way they want you to die . Common slayer anyone ......nope guess it's dead then

[–]enjoiturbulence 1 point2 points ago

I vaguely know the author. It is bizarro fiction. Fun stuff, when done right. He's quite good at what he does.

[–]kinneroth 1 point2 points ago

But... It's a MUST READ!

The cover even says so!!

[–]barthlandia 1 point2 points ago

I stayed in that resort/casino. Good comps, but the buffet sucks.

[–]Digitalgeezer 1 point2 points ago

A must read. The characters really come to life on the page. Has echoes of Proust in its examination of the conflict within all of us.

[–]aspitzer 1 point2 points ago

I hear it's "A Must Read".

[–]phoofboy 1 point2 points ago

Check out: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8131491-the-vagina-ass-of-lucifer-niggerbastard

[–]The_Octopode 1 point2 points ago

"A must read"

[–]baconia 1 point2 points ago

"A Must Read"

Bahahahahahaha

[–]winnberg 1 point2 points ago

Customers who bought this item also bought ಠ_ಠ

[–]Strug-ga-ling 1 point2 points ago

"A Must Read." - The Horror Fiction Review

[–]Palamede 0 points1 point ago

I'm still waiting for a good pun, guys.

[–]scudmissile 3 points4 points ago

I do nazi this post receiving a butt-load of gassy responses.

[–]TheMattAttack 1 point2 points ago

Jew can go right ahead.

[–]PunThreadBlocker 2 points3 points ago

I am the final solution to this pun thread.

[–]dang_Ling_modify_her 2 points3 points ago

Your username is a lie.

[–]Really_Bad_Slogan 0 points1 point ago

Ass Goblins of Auschwitz - We kill jews. Why, what did you think?

[–]MrHankScorpio 0 points1 point ago

I like the unnecessary vignette of the arm band, especially because it's just cropped from the illustration and isn't that much bigger. Probably one of those, "Eh, something needs to go here. No time for new art. Whatever." moments.

[–]ReadWithIrishAccent 0 points1 point ago

Am I alone in thinking that its mouth looks like an upside down troll face smile?

[–]gunbutter 0 points1 point ago

Wow, Young Adult is really getting out there.

[–]mattzog 0 points1 point ago

It's rad. Total gonzo weirdness. Cameron Pierce is really pushing the edges of weird lit. There are a number of other authors in this genre as well. Check the similar suggestions to Cameron Pierce on Amazon.

[–]Pulp_Zero 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of Carlton Mellick III's books, like Razor Wire Pubic Hair, Baby Jesus Butt Plug, and Electric Jesus Corpse...

[–]Anchupom 0 points1 point ago

Oh wow.

[–]TheUbermensch 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for reminding me that I downloaded the pdf and never read it. I know what I'm doing when I get home now.

[–]drzedwordhunter 0 points1 point ago

A friend of mine just bought this a month or two ago. Waiting for him to readit so I can.

[–]BaronOvHell 0 points1 point ago

Read this a few years ago, it owns

[–]smurfnuggets 0 points1 point ago

Cool, this can stop being reposted now.

[–]Holmes1 0 points1 point ago

Proud to say this is resting on my bookcase at home.

[–]DEAD-H 0 points1 point ago

sounds like a good title for the next odd future album

[–]ScottyP1176 0 points1 point ago

I think this may cause me to start calling all of my friends Ass Goblins...

[–]VidenTheColdOne 0 points1 point ago

oh god, LOL! I was literally laughing hysterically for like 5 minutes. I had to check amazon to see if this was a real book. It is. I'm adding it to my "must read" list. Thanks OP for the laugh, i needed that.

[–]terriblehuman 0 points1 point ago

If I saw this in the bookstore, I'd re-shelve it in the "Teen Romance" section.

[–]JEWPACOLYPSE 0 points1 point ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Stardash 0 points1 point ago

I clearly need to get this book. Because of obvious reasons.

[–]Nightbane35 0 points1 point ago

Starring Nick Cage.

[–]KuroiKaze 0 points1 point ago

I read this a couple years ago....it was sort of depressing.

[–]I_rape_inmates 0 points1 point ago

This is not what an ass goblin looks like.

[–]b3d0u1n 0 points1 point ago

I borrowed this from my mom when it was on the Oprah book club list. Inspiring read.

[–]chubasco 0 points1 point ago

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3oc5t6/

[–]sturmblast 0 points1 point ago

Wow, this post has me rofling

[–]A-NI-MAL 0 points1 point ago

Note to self: the Horror Fiction Review is not to be trusted.

[–]Freshenstein 0 points1 point ago

I prefer "The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Nigger Bastard".

[–]vaultboy13959 0 points1 point ago

I didn't know 4chan had a book written about it.

[–]DRTYRYDR686 0 points1 point ago

A must read?

[–]MillieHagen 0 points1 point ago

I read Pierce's Lost in Cat Brain Land last year, and I'd guess this book is similar. If you can get it for cheap go for it, the short stories I read were pretty amusing.

[–]GhostGoku 0 points1 point ago

I only upvoted because the title made me laugh

[–]CloneDeath 0 points1 point ago

I own it and have read it. It is actually really good and I recommend you get it now.

My girlfriend, who exclaimed "Why would you buy this shitty book?" finished it before me. She read chapter one, and just couldn't put it down.

Go read the first three or so chapters on amazon, then, decide whether or not to get it (spoilers: You will end up getting it).

[–]BrittBillion 0 points1 point ago

"A Must Read...if you're Criminally Insane."

[–]ACHoax 0 points1 point ago

Don't judge a book by its cover.

[–]paulieindy 0 points1 point ago

Thanks for the nightmares, asshat.

[–]Golanlan 0 points1 point ago

Just in time for the Holocaust Memorial Day in Israel. sigh

[–]brianpepinski 0 points1 point ago

Ass Golbins, what a great combination of words

[–]iwillnowventDoUMind 0 points1 point ago

oh holy shit. This seems awesome, goodnight reddit

[–]Shadowsdogs 0 points1 point ago

Looks like a good read!

[–]stop_being-a-dick 0 points1 point ago

You could have picked a better day to post this instead of Holocaust remembrance day.

[–]DearIntertubes 0 points1 point ago

I own this, it's as amazingly bad as you would think.

[–]atlantaman 0 points1 point ago

I love the endorsement... "A must read"!

[–]MikePaddle 0 points1 point ago

The "Horror Fiction Review" must be a very credible source

[–]BlueHalcyon 1 point2 points ago

That's... Just wrong. On so many levels...

[–]Se7en_Sinner 7 points8 points ago

Especially the one with the Jews.

[–]yetarl 0 points1 point ago

Ok so this is kinda campy, but then again just look at the novel. asschwitz, just saying.

[–]kimikat 0 points1 point ago

My husband is reading this right now. Maybe I can get him to post a review.

[–]prettyawkwardpenguin -1 points0 points ago

Rule 34.

[–]Talks_to_his_butt -1 points0 points ago

In the midnight hour, betwixt the sheets, I lay pondering many incomplete thoughts. Such incompletions as the meaning of, and why the universe, and when will the-

"Prrt."

"Prrt, hey, bro. Bro, you still awake?"

It was my anus. Though awake, I feigned ignorance to my rumpus's whispers.

"Come on man, I know you're awake," he asserted, "don't be a douche, bro."

I let out a sigh acknowledging and confirming the assumption.

"T'w'at degree of importance is it this time?" I reluctantly inquired.

"It's muy importante, brosephus. I don't feel too hot and I gotta use the facilities."

His response was as expected. Earlier in the morn we indulged in a meal of nachos with extra cheese, and despite the many repercussions I presented, my lactose intolerant rectum heeded them not.

Thus was the adventure in the midnight hour, that lead to the words from my anus gone sour.

[–]avery51 -3 points-2 points ago

Simpsons did it.

[–]psytrancedsquid -3 points-2 points ago

Sometimes the crazy ideas you get when you are stoned are better left unwritten.

[–]baconsorcerer -4 points-3 points ago

Assfuck all the goblins :D

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