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top 200 commentsshow all 229

[–]karmus 135 points136 points ago

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Oh how I miss AOL chat rooms and the novelty of the entire AOL service as a kid.

My greatest victory in life at the age of 10 was keylogging my father's password so I could remove the parental control and dive into the Internet and all of it's corrupting glory.

[–]bluesunglasses2134 75 points76 points ago

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AOL chatrooms were FILLED FILLED with child pornography back in the day like Reddit is filled with pictures of cats.

[–]crazytiredguy 18 points19 points ago

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I always just went to the Star Wars chat :(. Never saw any CP, but did make a handful of lifelong friends (met them as an adult, they turned out to actually be the same age as me.)

[–]TheAverageRedditUser 32 points33 points ago

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What, nostalgia?

[–]bluesunglasses2134 8 points9 points ago

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the good ol' days

I was a 12 year old kid when I first went into AOL chatrooms...I was on them a few times and then I just found them too disgusting.

[–]_SMYD_ 3 points4 points ago

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I was pretty young back then. It filled my interests.

[–]A_Wild_Missingno 1 point2 points ago

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is it still child pronz if the person in it is older than the person viewing?

[–]vfxDan 7 points8 points ago

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I know this is a rhetorical, satirical question, but yes, porn featuring underage children is still child porn regardless, and still illegal.

[–]Mrlala2 0 points1 point ago

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Each part mastuerbating firecly to above mentioned objects

[–]downvotes_bs2134 -5 points-4 points ago

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That explains how fucked up you are.

[–]HookDragger 31 points32 points ago

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My father didn't put protections on the internet, but did on the TV...

Oh Dad.... you just didn't know.

[–]Ikasatu 14 points15 points ago

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Perhaps, given the internet speeds that were likely available to you, he felt that developing your patience would be worth letting you see a boob every few minutes.

[–]HookDragger 3 points4 points ago

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First ones in the area with 28.8 modems... then 56k.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]HookDragger 0 points1 point ago

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HAHA....

Honestly, I sometimes wonder if they know how smart I really am.

And then I look at my daughter and realize... I'm going to have to work EXTREMELY hard if I want to keep the more shady parts of the internet away from her.

[–]dagnabbit 4 points5 points ago

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The good ole days, when everybody used this to mess around on AOL

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aohell

[–]jpeg22 8 points9 points ago

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I came across a site around the time AOL and aim were big things called (I think) progz.org. it was run by (I think) killerbyte? it was filled with links to send people that would crash the persons computer or open a million pages in big flamboyant text screaming "you are gay". I felt like such a little hacker back then

[–]hey_sergio 3 points4 points ago

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Oh god, remember "nuking"?

[–]electricmice 0 points1 point ago

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damn all this old shit. it felt so cool to use these progz with a z. the programs always came with crazy graphics too which is suppose to make it cooler. going to those sites had a sense of danger and adventure to them. i'm laughing so hard right now just remembering all that shit.

[–]warchamp7 6 points7 points ago

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I did this as a kid when I got grounded once. I hid a Notepad window behind the internet login and put the focus on that when I got my dad to type it. Then the password somehow didn't type in the password box so I refocused the cursor there and he logged it in.

Then I just logged myself in whenever I needed to.

[–]Motab 4 points5 points ago

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A/S/L?

[–]electricmice 3 points4 points ago

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16/F/FL or Cali. where we all know the hot girls live.

[–]STRONTJESBERG 1 point2 points ago

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9/f/Cali

[–]TalekAetem 0 points1 point ago

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16/F/Medic

[–]Theinternationalist 0 points1 point ago

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32/M/Heavy

[–]electricmice 1 point2 points ago

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aol chat rooms were my first foray into sex. i remember how much fun it was to pretend to be someone else and cybering back then. always with these retarded descriptions involving six packs.

[–]its_brigade 0 points1 point ago

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its corrupting glory

FTFY HTH

[–]SweetNeo85 48 points49 points ago

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Cartman Joins Nambla. Still my favorite episode.

[–]thedude37 8 points9 points ago

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One of the absolute best, and it kickstarted the story arc where Garrison finally came out of the closet.

[–]minikites 23 points24 points ago

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Mr. Garrison: I did not want love from a young boy! I like men my own age. [gasps and shrieks] Aah! I mean, I like women! What did I say?-Oh God! I love titties!

[–]jsellout 14 points15 points ago

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hey there shitty shitty fag fag shitty shitty fag fag how do ya do?

[–]thedude37 7 points8 points ago

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SAY NOT THE WORD OF CURSE!!!! sword

[–]Motanum 2 points3 points ago

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It's okay. He can say the word *** because he is gay, and thus he is not sensored when he says ***.

[–]harland45 207 points208 points ago

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I will be friends with anyone on the internet... as long as they're not Jewish, ginger, or Mexican.

[–]aco620 188 points189 points ago

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As a Jewish, ginger, Mexican, I couldn't agree more. We really are just the worst kind of people.

[–]jakfischer 226 points227 points ago

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As a Jewish, ginger, Mexican, I disagree. Mainly because I have that one thing that sets me apart

[–]fucking_leverpostej 59 points60 points ago

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I'm not convinced by your mexicanness. Needs more sombrero.

[–]justsoldmysoul 34 points35 points ago

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A sombrero yamika because I'm not so certain of his Jewishness

[–]fucking_leverpostej 16 points17 points ago*

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I haven't really thought about it, but a yarmulke is basically the exact opposite of a sombrero.

[–]Areonis 3 points4 points ago

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Wouldn't the opposite of a sombrero be more of a diaper than a yarmulke?

[–]fucking_leverpostej 8 points9 points ago

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Not if we stay within hat territory.

[–]yarmulke 2 points3 points ago

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I'm so proud of the correct spelling in this conversation (except for justsoldmysoul)

[–]Areonis 0 points1 point ago

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The guy above me spelled it wrong at first, but he edited his comment to fix it.

[–]LNMagic 1 point2 points ago

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What about a yarmulke on on top of the sombrero?

[–]hangsterthemonster -3 points-2 points ago

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[–]Truck_Thunders 0 points1 point ago

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I'd say a sombrero and a big gold star of david necklace.

[–]7itanium 1 point2 points ago

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Jewish people don't exactly like to wear emblems like that, tends to lead people into the counting territory. If there's one thing Jewish people don't want is someone taking a count, usually a bad sign.

[–]aco620 95 points96 points ago

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It's...it's GLORIOUS!

[–]ani625 21 points22 points ago

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[–]Pwnzerfaust 4 points5 points ago

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So much classy in one .gif.

[–]tidux 0 points1 point ago

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with a side order of neck wattle

[–]obeythed 10 points11 points ago

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A GREAT, BIG BUSHY BEARD!!!!

[–]harland45 0 points1 point ago

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gypsy scum

[–]donpapillon 11 points12 points ago

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FIREBEARD!!

[–]Urvilan 4 points5 points ago

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Way more volatile than the greybeards...

[–]keitarofujiwara 1 point2 points ago

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That is a mighty beard.

[–]AngryEnt 0 points1 point ago

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the nose ring?

[–]turtlesquirt 0 points1 point ago

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You shall rule them all.

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 0 points1 point ago

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Well can i be your friend?

[–]Brock_Obama 0 points1 point ago

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Are you really Jewish and Mexican? I only see the ginger

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I like this comment

[–]JustBrowsing4Chan -2 points-1 points ago

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I'm not seeing the Mexican in there

[–]RsonW 3 points4 points ago

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Mexican is nationality, not race.

[–]SweetNeo85 22 points23 points ago

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Louis CK?

[–]friendlymaniac 0 points1 point ago

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[–]ewest 0 points1 point ago

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He's not Jewish.

[–]WhoNeedsRealLife 16 points17 points ago

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Holy crap. We've actually found one!

[–]HookDragger 6 points7 points ago

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Technically speaking, doesn't your mother have to be jewish for you to be as well?

[–]districtdabs 6 points7 points ago

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Matrilineal descent determining one's Judaism wasn't always a Jewish law. Moses married an Ethiopian, Joseph married an Egyptian, etc, and their wives and children were then Jews.

Then around the time the Talmud got written, that law got slipped in somewhere, and Orthodox communities latched onto it to discourage intermarriage.

These days, the reform movement dominates American Judaism, and it seems the general rule is, if you identify as a Jew, you are a Jew.

[–]HookDragger 0 points1 point ago

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Good to know.

[–]faggort69 0 points1 point ago

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Of course, if you asked any of those Orthodox rabbis, they'd claim it was there all along. There's a point to be made there, though - the Talmud is more or less a collection of rabbinical debates concerning interpretations of existing scripture.

[–]heart_of_a_liger 1 point2 points ago

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Since all this is stuff people have made up for themselves i think the word you're looking for is "traditionally".

[–]loller 0 points1 point ago

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Three ethnic groups of Jews. The mother/father thing is an old law; and like most old, antiquated rules, they really have no bearing on modern life. Why do you think there are so many physical traits linked to being Jewish? It's an ethnicity.

[–]angrypom -1 points0 points ago

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I don't understand... aren't you only Jewish if you believe in the Torah? It's not like 'Jewishness' a racial/hereditary thing?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This confused the fuck out of me as a little kid. How can you tell which one you're talking about? :S

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, does anyone have that clip of Louis CK talking about how Jew can be a proper term or an insult, depending on how it's used, and he says he wants to hear the POTUS say it once just on the borderline, just to fuck with people?

[–]faggort69 4 points5 points ago

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No. A couple of things here... The Torah is only the first five books of the Tanakh, which is the Hebrew Bible.

Second, in Judaism, there's this thing called a brit, which basically means a covenant or agreement. To quote Rabbi Tzvi Freeman:

"We’ll start with this word religion. Is Judaism a religion? Is that the right word?

Religions generally start when one teacher spreads his teachings to many disciples. The people who accept these teachings are considered coreligionists. Their common beliefs hold them together as a community.

Moses didn’t preach a religion to individuals. He was more of a populist—a civil-rights leader who stood for empowerment of the people. He took his own people, who already had a common heritage, along with many who had decided to join that people, and brought them to Mount Sinai. There he brokered a covenant between a nation and God. God said, “I choose this nation to be my messengers of Torah light to the world.” The nation, in turn, chose God, saying, “Whatever God says, we will do and we will obey.”

The Jewish people, then, are best described as the “People of the Covenant”—meaning that they are a people because of a covenant. In Hebrew, a covenant is a brit—in this case, not a brit between two individuals, or even between an individual and God (as Abraham had made), but a brit between an entire nation and God.

So let’s replace religion with brit and see what happens.

The brit, as I wrote, is what defines us as a nation—not geographic vicinity, language, government or culture. Even if we live in different countries, speak different languages, establish different leaders and eat different foods, that covenant still bonds us. Most significantly: even if we stop keeping our obligations under that covenant or decide not to believe in it, the covenant endures. A covenant, you see, is a two-way deal. It takes two to make it and two to break it. Just because the people have let go, doesn’t mean God has. That’s why it’s called an “eternal covenant”—because even if the people may be fickle, God doesn’t change His mind.

So there’s the difference: In a religion, you belong because you believe. In a brit (in this case, Judaism), you believe because you belong."

So, no, and that's why it's so hard to convert to Judaism.

[–]mamjjasond 1 point2 points ago

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au contraire. It is both a religion and an ethnicity.

[–]Thezealot 1 point2 points ago

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david cross has a stand up about being an Atheist Jew

[–]pox_ -1 points0 points ago

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Traditionally. Unless you convert.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrilineality_in_Judaism

[–]Ikasatu 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Thezealot 0 points1 point ago

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so he's not full blown Jew, but just a little Jew-ish.

[–]ewest -1 points0 points ago

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Yes, but he's acknowledge many times that he no longer has a religion, after growing up Catholic and being allowed to leave the church by his parents.

[–]pox_ 1 point2 points ago

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Not sure why the down votes. Jewish faith is traditionally passed along the mothers side.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matrilineality_in_Judaism

[–]HookDragger -1 points0 points ago

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You are a freaking UNICORN!

[–]derpj 12 points13 points ago

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Louis C.K is a Jewish, ginger Mexican.

[–]uat2d 0 points1 point ago

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He's from Jewish descent, but he's certainly not religious.

[–]fjafjan 0 points1 point ago

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He's 1/4 Jewish, don't think that really makes you "of Jewish descent".

[–]eyecite 0 points1 point ago

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...

[–]jerkerofcircles -2 points-1 points ago

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I never understood how someone could be 1/4 Jewish. It's a religion, not a race. Either your Jewish or not.

[–]Brock_Obama 1 point2 points ago

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It's an ethnoreligious group. Read more here

[–]kasper138 5 points6 points ago

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Cartman must really hate Louis CK.

[–]GingerScottishDwarf 1 point2 points ago

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But... I just wanted to be friends! D:

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 2 points3 points ago

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Damn.

[–]Verb_Rogue 1 point2 points ago

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It's funny how all of these perceived negative traits compiled into once person can cause the opposite effect...an almost worshipful adoration. Louis C.K.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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doesn't matter; no soul

[–]FaptainAwesome 0 points1 point ago

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What about a black ginger? Would you hate me because I'm a black ginger?

[–]eXtr3Mer 40 points41 points ago

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<@:)

[–]smokey44 17 points18 points ago

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No, you've got the wrong NAMBLA again!

[–]ElderCunningham[S] 22 points23 points ago

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We're the National Association of Marlon Brando Look Alikes!

[–]tasalien 25 points26 points ago

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I was expecting This (NSFWish)

[–]cg4l 36 points37 points ago

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Midgets piss me off :(

[–]Hapless-Harry 23 points24 points ago

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I have had it up to here with midgets. holds hand at waist height

[–]N0V0w3ls 26 points27 points ago

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I'm going to risk a Larry the Cable Guy joke:

I once dated a midget, I was nuts over her.

[–]Lecard 8 points9 points ago

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As grating of a personality he can be; he is a fairly good comedian at times.

[–]justsoldmysoul 5 points6 points ago

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Your risk is appreciated

[–]SweetNeo85 2 points3 points ago

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continuted:

I had to break up with her, though. Yeah, she was always puttin her nose in my business...

[–]varemia 3 points4 points ago

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I can't stand it when they run up to me and bite my crotch. THOSE WERE NEW PANTS, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

[–]work0utn3rd 2 points3 points ago

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You've obviously never had the enlightening experience of midget-tossing.

[–]rataxes11 10 points11 points ago

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Clown hat curly hair winking eye smiley face <@;)

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 9 points10 points ago

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This is one of my favorite episodes.

[–]StrangeZombie 6 points7 points ago

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The best episode was the Lord of the Rings one with the porn video.

[–]ElderCunningham[S] 20 points21 points ago

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Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Titty Twisters 2!

[–]brajonrondo 2 points3 points ago

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Don't forget Fisting Firemen!

[–]ewest 2 points3 points ago

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Or the Scientology one.

[–]Glasweg1an 8 points9 points ago

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With respect, you're all wrong. The best Southpark episode is Up The Down Steroid. The one where Eric tries to win the special Olympics. Unbelievable but amazing.

[–]ANAL_PLUNDERING 3 points4 points ago

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My favorite was the Jonas Brothers one.

Okay girls you ready for the Jonas brothers to spray you with their white foam?!

[–]StrangeZombie 1 point2 points ago

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I haven't seen that one. I should watch it. I really like the WoW one to.

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 1 point2 points ago

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Love that one. My #1 favorite is the Goobacks episode

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Cream Fraicheeeeeeeeeeee

[–]Scoonz 3 points4 points ago

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"Oh yeah, that's so hot."

[–]ataraxiomnomnom 0 points1 point ago

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Nothing like a good Old Fashioned! Yuaaah, I'm so sleepy...

[–]ElderCunningham[S] 1 point2 points ago

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They took our jarbs!

[–]carlcamma 0 points1 point ago

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Go god go! :)

[–]Rapidity 1 point2 points ago

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No my favourite is <insert favourite >

[–]wolfanotaku 0 points1 point ago

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Mine too, this is one of the older style ones which I liked a lot better then the new ones.

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, I like the episodes where they just get into deeper and deeper shit rather than the ones that make social commentaries.

[–]wolfanotaku 0 points1 point ago

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Agreed! Mecha-Streisand will always be my favorite episode, because it an intelligent and esoteric parody of Godzilla. It talked about the insanity of how many different Kaiju there are and how crazy the story lines in those films can get, but it avoids the obvious jokes for example it never even touches the lip-syncing issue.

Now-a-days it's "We're atheists too, isn't this thing that happened funny"

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 1 point2 points ago

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Exactly why the Scott Tenorman episode is so memorable too. It just pushes the craziness to an extreme amount. Probably my favorite ending to any SP episode ever.

[–]wolfanotaku 0 points1 point ago

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I hope you got to see episode 200 before it became censored, because that is the return of Scott Tenorman.

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah I saw it. You can find it online pretty easily even though it's not on South Park Studios

[–]ReverendStu 6 points7 points ago

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Somewhat related: the first time I tried IRC someone just wrote "m/f?" I thought he asked me if I was a motherfucker and was deeply shocked over how obscene the internet was. Ahh, to be young and innocent again..

[–]NotBrittnye 1 point2 points ago

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I remember when I was 13 this guy in a chatroom asked me how old I was and then how big my boobs were, only the way he worded it I thought he meant 'How tall are you?' so I told him 5'2. I was creeped out but then also embarrassed when he told me what he actually meant...

[–]haddock420 5 points6 points ago

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When I first started using the internet, i chose Bender as my IRC nickname (cause of Futurama). Apparently having the name Bender is a great way to get gay guys to private message you.

[–]Abiding_Lebowski 1 point2 points ago

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Fun fact of the day

[–]ewest 3 points4 points ago

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He should also mention he has balls so dry they explode like dust as a disclaimer.

[–]Willf126 4 points5 points ago

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Them: asl? Me: No, you're and asl.

[–]romeoromero 5 points6 points ago

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My brother had an AOL screen name when he was around 10 or 11... HotRod85J or something like that. Why? He really liked the character Hot Rod from Transformers. In fact, it was his favorite.

Let's just say that not everyone picked up on this esoteric reference. And I'm not talking car enthusiasts. This was way before "To Catch a Predator" had ever aired... but I imagine records would have been set for how many traps could have been set for dudes asking a 10 year old if they could trade for pics of his 'hot rod.'

[–]MusicMagi 13 points14 points ago

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Midgets are gross... frowny.. face.

[–]Abiding_Lebowski 6 points7 points ago

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Dated a midget once, she gave me genital warts

[–]4krustys 16 points17 points ago

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those were just her lucky charms

[–]Abiding_Lebowski 1 point2 points ago

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They were NOT magically delicious

[–]TryingToSucceed -1 points0 points ago

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0.o

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You're just not trying hard enough.

[–]rasta_lion 6 points7 points ago

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"midgets piss me off"

[–]25_M_CA 1 point2 points ago

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Funny story, when I was younger I had cyber sex and when the girl ( I hope it was a girl ) asked how big I was I told her 5'6''

[–]bullyfish 2 points3 points ago

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Godammit I need to start watching Southpark again. Anyone remember that site where they have free episodes to download?

[–]ElderCunningham[S] 10 points11 points ago

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You can watch every episode for free (except for Super Best Friends, 200, and 201) on the official site, SouthParkStudios.com.

The other three episodes can easily be found elsewhere.

[–]phapha 2 points3 points ago

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allsp.ch

[–]ArturusRex 0 points1 point ago

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icefilms.info ftw. Download the files and open the .part files with vlc, Files'll download while you watch them.

[–]Dunge 0 points1 point ago

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ThePirateBay for 720p glory

[–]Mezziah187 2 points3 points ago

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My RL initials are "brb" - when somebody first said this to me, I freaked the fuck out.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Kind of relevant. The first time I ever used an AIM chat room someone posted "Asl?" I thought it meant "asshole" so I called them rude and promptly closed the window.

[–]jbbuena 1 point2 points ago

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Tyrion disapproves.

[–]5InchesButItsThick 1 point2 points ago

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Well I guess I don't stand a chance then

[–]homescrub 1 point2 points ago

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I remember being like Cartman.

[–]riceonwhite 1 point2 points ago

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[–]bricardo 1 point2 points ago

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[–]electricmice 1 point2 points ago

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[–]an-auji-ram 2 points3 points ago

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I JUST WATCHED THIS EPISODE LAST NIGHT MIND BLOWN

[–]SgtBlu3 0 points1 point ago

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i can't seem to find which ep it is. Can you help me?

[–]cannibalsativa 1 point2 points ago

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I was totally expecting Randy Marsh.

[–]Crizzl 1 point2 points ago

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Is that a reverse mouse?

[–]bI5h0p -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah. Man, I thought I was the only one here seeing it. Reddit, are you losing it?

[–]jontelang 1 point2 points ago

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smiley winkey curley face

or whatever he is saying, it is awesome.

[–]6Bunny 1 point2 points ago

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I first had messenger when I was 7 years old. When I looked at my old Yahoo account years later, I realized at least 80% of my list are perverts.

[–]BPcoL66 0 points1 point ago

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Is this what they mean by punchline?

[–]Revofev92 0 points1 point ago

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From the NAMBLA episode. Awesome satire

[–]kgmoome 0 points1 point ago

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I thought this was going to be that old south park chat room, where you could make your own avatar and jump around the screen and play south park sound bites.

[–]Mitz510 0 points1 point ago

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"Midgets piss me off".

That is what he says right after that quote.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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What episode is this?

[–]sh0rtgeek 9 points10 points ago

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Cartman joins NAMBLA

[–]FaipDeOaid 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sorry you got turned down because you're a midget.

[–]thehooptie 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah looking back on it now, probably was too you to be on AOL chat rooms.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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This caused me to laugh and spit oatmeal all over my laptop screen and keyboard. Thanks a lot HungDaddy.

[–]dthomas999 -2 points-1 points ago

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Fuck you! You just reposted my comic from a month ago!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Why didn't you want to be friends with midgets?

[–]sondawing -1 points0 points ago

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Is 8 and a half inches big?

[–]IBogus -1 points0 points ago

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They prefer little people.

[–]StoicGunner -2 points-1 points ago

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I remember I posted this a while.back on this same page. Grrr!!!

[–]pinkfloyddwc -3 points-2 points ago

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8.5 inches is considered hung??

Alright!