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all 130 comments

[–]lizahyde 14 points15 points ago

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Haha "What is this the seahorse seashell party...why didn't I get invited" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ_fnYhI1HU

[–]NotMahChair 5 points6 points ago

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Who put this chair here?

[–]Chemfire 7 points8 points ago

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Not my chair, not my problem.

[–]JediSquirrels 5 points6 points ago

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That's what I always say.

[–]420wasabisnappin 1 point2 points ago

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Lead me to the building.

[–]bodaciousbilly 0 points1 point ago

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That audio isn't what the video claims it to be. It was a monologue that a guy did for a project, where he tried to be the most stereotypical Long Islander possible. He recorded himself narrating and reacting to some unknown show or movie. Probably just turned on the TV and started talking about what was going on.

Source

[–]h2mc 0 points1 point ago

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What is this, seahorse seaHELL?

[–]Ryusko 204 points205 points ago

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Just admit you wrote this! Jesus, you don't have to separate yourself by degrees of relation to avoid appearing vain.

[–]labeled_deodorant 138 points139 points ago

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Jesus wrote this!?

[–]Dapwell 48 points49 points ago

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Not Jesus Christ. Nah, Jésus from the neighborhood.

[–]Varnishedchrome 18 points19 points ago

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Jesús

I'll show myself out now.

[–]Kowzorz 1 point2 points ago

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HEE-soos!

[–]1stLtObvious 1 point2 points ago

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HAY-soos

[–]Tawes 1 point2 points ago

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hay-SOOS

[–]NottaGrammerNasi 4 points5 points ago

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[–]1stLtObvious 1 point2 points ago

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Touché, sir, touché.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I believe you'll find you mean tóuche, or perhaps toúche.

[–]1stLtObvious 1 point2 points ago

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Nice try, dan131m.

[–]stevo_knevo 1 point2 points ago

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Do it now, ese, before I get my pistola.

[–]Stackenblochen 27 points28 points ago

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His name is Jésus, and he steals hubcaps from cars.

[–]_newtothis 11 points12 points ago

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can i borrow your crowbar?

[–]Zeroman64 3 points4 points ago

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Why, are you going to fight the Combine?

[–]Solid364 0 points1 point ago

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Careful, don't start a tread that could get Half-life 3 delay for another ten years

[–]_newtothis 0 points1 point ago

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I wish, but the comment is part of a bloodhound gang song "hell yea"

[–]XprotokingX 0 points1 point ago

To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt

[–]GuyInABox 2 points3 points ago

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"Be careful with that nail gun, Jesús!"

[–]NottaGrammerNasi 0 points1 point ago

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You're not talking about Hayzeus are you??

[–]jackcatalyst 1 point2 points ago

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Oh that guy, he fixed my car once.

[–]Ryusko 0 points1 point ago

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No, it was Jesus's disciple's brother's friend's slave.

[–]Deadmirth 27 points28 points ago

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[–]PatronofSnark 5 points6 points ago

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Yep, that's still hilarious.

[–]DrDWayneLove 9 points10 points ago

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I don't know why it's so unbelievable. Sometimes people say and/or do funny things and then don't put them on reddit themselves.

[–]Ryusko 0 points1 point ago

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I don't doubt that it happens sometimes; maybe even this time. But I never, EVER see someone post 'hey look at this funny thing I wrote'. It's always 'look what (some relation of mine) wrote'.

[–]mortaine 1 point2 points ago

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Sure you do. Just head over to /r/askreddit, where the "brag-disguised-as-a-question" was perfected.

[–]apostrotastrophe 0 points1 point ago

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Because we live in a world where bragging is severely frowned upon and people admire others who are humble. People feel weird celebrating something they did themselves.

[–]therealpaulyd 5 points6 points ago

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what if i told you, he might not have.

[–]schiller 3 points4 points ago*

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Yeah he took extra precautions. It's not his friend so you cannot accuse him of having friends "like that", it's not his brother so it wouldn't appear that he is related in a family way, it's just his brother's friend... I mean you can't blame him for the friends his brother chooses now can you?

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]schiller 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry for that. Edited.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]sarsXdave 0 points1 point ago

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First thing I thought when I got to the second question. The handwriting is too young, while the writing style is not only older, but also reminds you of something that would fit right in as a comment on Reddit.

I mean, I was smart and funny for a kid and have childish writing even now, but neither to that extreme.

"HEY! Look what my baby sister coded in OpenGL!" (Screenshot of a railgun launching kittens)

[–]djashes 22 points23 points ago

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This is such a good example of the kind of questions I was asked through school. It always made me angry that they did that. I would think to myself, "I KNOW what you want me to say.. but I don't want to say it because it's a stupid premise anyways."

[–]billin 13 points14 points ago

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Seriously. Every time I got one of those, I felt like putting down the "wrong" answer just to be perverse. I would have responded: "Barnacles" and then: "Because I hate my siblings".

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TheAyatollahOfTrolla 13 points14 points ago

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What does that make us?

[–]AnAngryFetus 11 points12 points ago

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Absolutely nothing!

[–]minimission 5 points6 points ago

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There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry!

[–]MaceTheJester 4 points5 points ago

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LONESTAAAAAR

[–]strivingforever 2 points3 points ago

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Where is this reference from? I remember a boy in my 3rd grade class would tell this joke over and over again. Is it from a movie?

[–]MakingCents 2 points3 points ago

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Spaceballs.

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 5 points6 points ago

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No way! My second cousin twice removed's girlfriends' great aunt's sex slave did the same thing too!

[–]YaSu288 1 point2 points ago

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Hey guess what? My father said you've gone too far!

[–]You_Got_Downvoted 0 points1 point ago

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Don't think he cares... he masturbates to himself.

[–]htsrddtrslvskrma -1 points0 points ago

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I think I hate most things about this person.

[–]potted -2 points-1 points ago

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I have never seen a leprechaun.

[–]wrongrrabbit 34 points35 points ago

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"The sessile lifestyle of barnacles makes sexual reproduction difficult, as the organisms cannot leave their shells to mate. To facilitate genetic transfer between isolated individuals, barnacles have extraordinarily long penises. Barnacles probably have the largest penis to body size ratio of the animal kingdom."

fuckin' barnacles man

[–]splooshy 21 points22 points ago

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Oh Reddit, you are so predictable. Every time somebody talks about barnacles, someone brings up the penis.

[–]wrongrrabbit 27 points28 points ago

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What else should I mention? Their six pairs of thoracic legs? Barnacle has fuckoff massive penis, I'm bringing that shit up.

[–]durfsmurf 26 points27 points ago

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Alas the barnacle, nobody ever mentions its sparkling personality.

[–]ohoona -1 points0 points ago

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As a girl, I would say its massive penis probably doesn't leave room for much personality. But I haven't dated many barnacles lately, so who knows.

Ninjatypoedit

[–]PontifexPrimus -1 points0 points ago

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I love the bit Bill Bailey does in one of his shows about this; he also mentions that Charles Darwin, in an effort to give himself the air of a biology expert, studied barnacles for years. So much so, in fact, hat he later wrote in a letter "I hate a Barnacle, as no man ever did before"; so there's a second thing about them: they pissed off Charles Darwin.

[–]Ryusko 4 points5 points ago

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This is the most helpful image I have ever seen.

[–]rapax 0 points1 point ago

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Were you, by any chance, in the class of the barnacle on IK?

[–]cervantes429 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks Jon Peters.

[–]WhyHellYeah 0 points1 point ago

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[–]wrongrrabbit 0 points1 point ago

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Do you think they also have huge ovaries so they're not unbalanced?

[–]Wammis 0 points1 point ago

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I move that we change the expression as a result of this fact, and just to spite the kid... henceforth, it should be "hung like a barnacle."

[–]gazoogle 7 points8 points ago

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He makes a good point.

[–]Titanomachy 5 points6 points ago

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He... he knows how to use apostrophes. And he's just a kid. I'm tearing up a little.

[–]Thoraxe 16 points17 points ago

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It's a lie he's a 30 year old man. The internet, man....

[–]westyfield 2 points3 points ago

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Surprise! They teach punctuation in school!

[–]easye7 2 points3 points ago

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I've got some bridges you might be interested in.

[–]5c0779373 5 points6 points ago

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I read this in Archer's voice. Seriously, how did Sterling Archer not say this.

[–]MaceTheJester 1 point2 points ago

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I read EVERYTHING in his voice

[–]bitcheslovedroids 0 points1 point ago

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and now I do too

[–]whitetzor 4 points5 points ago

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Who would ask this?

[–]Messiah 1 point2 points ago

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[–]FlippyWippy 1 point2 points ago

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Why must you lie to us OP?

[–]YaSu288 1 point2 points ago

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Don't choose barnacles, they're shellfish buggers.

[–]xxhoixx 4 points5 points ago

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This is totally fake. Even if it wasn't, that kid would be annoying. Who wants a loud-mouthed kid who probably never shuts up?

[–]worstchristmasever -1 points0 points ago

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Didn't the question look a little easy for someone who can write that way? Maybe it's for some kind of "developmentally challenged" class.

[–]xxhoixx 0 points1 point ago

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Haha...good point.

[–]Differcult 2 points3 points ago

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Oh barnacle!

[–]Cornbugs 2 points3 points ago

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seahorses, forever

[–]Honky_magoo 1 point2 points ago

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What is this? Seahorse, seashell party? Who didn't invite me? Why didn't I get invited? Seahorse, seahell.

[–]zchill 1 point2 points ago

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You chose poorly. Barnacles are studs. http://vimeo.com/7461478

[–]Gustomucho 1 point2 points ago

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Lol, at 0:55 two males touch and one retract "sorry bro"

[–]worff 1 point2 points ago

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A response written like a Reddit comment. Clearly not a kid. Manchild, maybe. But not an actual kid.

[–]Gregoff 0 points1 point ago

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Ooi! Barnacles have little bristles that filter plankton out of the water! Those are, as the youthful saying goes, "hell-a cool."

[–]namtrix 0 points1 point ago

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I imagine that said with an english accent

[–]a_young_michaelcaine 0 points1 point ago*

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this is actually part of the turing test. congratulations, your friend's brother just passed, no more captchas for life!

[–]Ender1337otron 0 points1 point ago

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That's great! Reminds me of Calvin.

[–]Soulcoffr 0 points1 point ago

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What if the little sister is doing her masters thesis on barnacles? Then an aquarium full of seahorses would be pretty useless.

[–]nitefang 0 points1 point ago

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Challenge accepted.

[–]ZeroMercuri 0 points1 point ago

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I have the strangest urge to make a super fun aquarium and fill it with barnacles....

[–]meat_rock 0 points1 point ago

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[–]nickateen 0 points1 point ago

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Get that man a cigar, the badass is strong with this one.

[–]Miss_kittey90 0 points1 point ago

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Makes sense.

[–]seluropnek 0 points1 point ago

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Cool bro story.

[–]DesignUtensil 0 points1 point ago

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Teacher returns the paper after checking, "idiot" is underlined twice and written next to it is "UNNECESSARY!"

[–]LeBox 0 points1 point ago

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Barnacles are pretty extreme...

[–]oheythar 0 points1 point ago

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He's not wrong.

[–]greatatdrinking 0 points1 point ago

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Rubs eyes... Is that my handwriting?

[–]navi555 0 points1 point ago

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Read this in Chris Farley's voice.

[–]JMThor 0 points1 point ago

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Man it's a good thing he's in school now and not the past or he'd get his ass beaten. It's a ridiculous question though. And probably a fake answer.

[–]terry_has_boots 0 points1 point ago

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To be fair, barnacles have the biggest penis size in relation to their body of any animal. So it's not all bad.

[–]bswedish 0 points1 point ago

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I actually laughed out loud. How old was he?

[–]r0ckarong 0 points1 point ago

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What kind of an idiot ...

Charles Darwin ... that's who.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Origin_of_Species#Further_development

http://faculty.frostburg.edu/mbradley/psyography/charlesdarwin.html

Fun Fact: I learned that from a comedians bit on that but I forgot who.

[–]evand4567 0 points1 point ago

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Is your friend's brother Ricky Gervais?

[–]Chyah 0 points1 point ago

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Looks at my aquarium

It's alright guys. I like barnacles!

[–]Br0wniePoints 0 points1 point ago

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I guess he's never watched SpongeBob Squarepants. :/

[–]MalcomEx 0 points1 point ago

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looks like your response. bro.

[–]bithipster 0 points1 point ago

"Barnacles probably have the largest penis to body size ratio of the animal kingdom."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnacle#Sexual_reproduction

[–]RayKas 0 points1 point ago

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Future CEO right there.

[–]IICanuckII 0 points1 point ago

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I'd take the barnacles anyway.. Less work

[–]bigfartsoo -1 points0 points ago

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Your brother would make a fine revolution starter.

[–]Duvidl -2 points-1 points ago

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Fun fact: Barnacles have the largest penises relative to their body size...

[–]bcseahag -4 points-3 points ago

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damn it, why does someone always beat me to my reply! but yes, fun fact it is.

[–]JafBot -1 points0 points ago

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I presume he will become an aspiring redditor and accumulate over 250,000 karma within the first 6 months.

[–]pseud0nym -1 points0 points ago

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Humm.. well.. I would. I love seahorses, but they are a pain in the ass to keep for one.. that being said, they aren't nearly as hard to keep alive as barnacles! Barnacles have THE LARGEST PENIS OF ANY ANIMAL compared to body size. It is quite a bit longer than their actual bodies. They also have really interesting feeding methods and the bonding agents that they use to glue themselves to rocks are the envy of science.

So.. while seahorses are pretty cool, barnacles are cooler. Also, you have have other fish with barnacles (NEED other fish) where as seahorses are NOT a community fish and can be kept with a very limited number of other animals.

[–]samanthakm9 -3 points-2 points ago

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This "look what my friends friends brothers uncles cousins uncle" shit is getting fucking retarded. Why are people still upvoting this fecal matter?