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all 186 comments

[–]jokes_on_you 154 points155 points ago

Do they have any smaller sizes for my... er... friend?

[–]left_of_castro 146 points147 points ago

Large or small or inbetweener, nothing beats a Cleaner Weener!

[–]wesman212 12 points13 points ago

Well played, Cleaner Wiener ad department. I expect to see this slogan on television in a commercial featuring a father, a son and a dog.

[–]PHALLUS_OF_MALICE 15 points16 points ago

[–]wesman212 1 point2 points ago

But I want a video </Limbaugh>

[–]PHALLUS_OF_MALICE 9 points10 points ago

Ain't nobody got time for that.

[–]1stLtObvious 1 point2 points ago

There is always time for a cleaner weener.

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 36 points37 points ago

Nobody in this thread has a penis big enough to touch the sides.

[–]slayer8a 26 points27 points ago

Touch the sides? Some can't poke out the other side. Or so I've heard.

[–]SweetNeo85 21 points22 points ago

Like a broom handle in a trash can...

[–]ROK247 11 points12 points ago

hotdog down a hallway...

[–]knestleknox 24 points25 points ago

My penis in a vagina...

[–]jpdehart 9 points10 points ago

[–]coinich 5 points6 points ago

I was worried there for a sec...

[–]rblue 4 points5 points ago

Chopstick in a mayonnaise jar...

[–]eeviltwin 1 point2 points ago

Like throwing a Vienna sausage down the Lincoln Tunnel...

[–]Solid364 0 points1 point ago

Sporting a cheese wheel

[–]King_Yeshua 1 point2 points ago

make sure they get two if you don't want to share

[–]FaptainAwesome 6 points7 points ago

What kind of sick asshole wouldn't share?

[–]toothpickwars 3 points4 points ago

Right? Soap cleans itself!

[–]Craig_the_Dingo 0 points1 point ago

Lies.

[–]Murcalumis 0 points1 point ago

Somebody might but who would believe them even if they said it?

Seriously, why else would they have a warning that if your penis gets stuck, soak area in COLD water. Which is just scary enough to make sure I never try one of these, despite the fact I wouldn't get stuck in it anyways.

[–]Kelvara 0 points1 point ago

Couldn't you just kinda hula hoop it around your penis?

[–]WhatIfItWereTrue 0 points1 point ago

Bringing a HOLE new dimension to the helicopter dick

[–]Nitro187 -2 points-1 points ago

I don't think mine would fit through...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]FeierInMeinHose 0 points1 point ago

Really? Mine is like a Stick Shift.

[–]Seanjohn2800 4 points5 points ago

Mines like a crazy straw

[–]shrike_13 4 points5 points ago

mines like one of those curly churros you get at a mexican restaurant.

[–]Bronesby 0 points1 point ago

mine is too thick to get through, but also too short to get through. this product inadequates us all.

[–]jpdehart 3 points4 points ago

I just can't do anything with mine, so I put it up in a ponytail

[–]Bronesby 0 points1 point ago

sounds like you need product! related?

[–]FamousSoBad 4 points5 points ago

Just tell him to use it like a hula hoop.

[–]OBrien 13 points14 points ago

Do they have any bigger sizes for jokes_on_you?

[–]coaltown 4 points5 points ago

Yeah my friends dick couldn't even fill up half the hole.

[–]PoopFartAdam -3 points-2 points ago

It demonstrates how close your "friendship" is that you know that.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

woosh

[–]FunFactBot 43 points44 points ago

Seriously, you do NOT want to get soap into the tip of your dick. Just trust me on this.

[–]GFandango 18 points19 points ago

every man discovers that there are better alternatives to soap...

[–]Adventurer_Ted 6 points7 points ago

Like not bathing!

[–]GFandango 7 points8 points ago

err...I was gonna say saliva but sure...

[–]angerZen 2 points3 points ago

Nah, there's better than saliva too. Conditioner!

[–]blkhockeypro19 4 points5 points ago

really... ? I've...I've never tried... should I?? EDIT: shaving cream is good too.

[–]angerZen 0 points1 point ago

Yes, conditioner makes great masturbation lube. My wife and I also use it as lube for when we have shower sexy time.

[–]blkhockeypro19 1 point2 points ago

and it doesn't burn like shampoo/soap?

[–]angerZen 1 point2 points ago*

Nope, not at all. Since conditioner's main purpose is to detangle your hair and possibly moisturize, all it really is doing is making your hair slippery so that it is easier to get knots out of long hair. There aren't any (or shouldn't be) any cleaning agents in conditioner so you don't get the burn that soap or shampoo gives, since they are meant for cleaning purposes.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 1 point2 points ago

And it gets out all those nasty muff tangles. You're a thinking man I see.

[–]WhatIfItWereTrue 0 points1 point ago

I always use a clean shirt folded over. Dry dog it, feels good man

[–]GFandango 1 point2 points ago

Nope...not believing you...plus my penis already has a condition

[–]Gizank 1 point2 points ago

Mayonnaise

[–]PoniesRBitchin 6 points7 points ago

Likewise, when they say "fun for couples," I can think of nothing less fun than getting soap of questionable quality in my hoo-ha.

[–]ihasthegame 0 points1 point ago

It's like being burned by a thousand suns in your shaft for too long a time. It's just not pleasant.

[–]ihasthegame -1 points0 points ago

It's like your shaft is being burned by the unforgiving heat of a thousand suns for what feels like an eternity. It's just not pleasant.

[–]panamaqj 31 points32 points ago

vince slap chop stripper slapper should do an infomercial on this, it would kick ass

[–]junosunderland 12 points13 points ago

vince slap chop stripper slapper

That was way funnier to me than it probably should have been. I will be saying this all day.

[–]Jshackingninja999 24 points25 points ago

He totally got that from Hastings.

[–]Zombierasputin 5 points6 points ago

First t hing I noticed, too. Ex-Hastings emp here, and I saw the tag. I couldn't believe the crap we'd sell.

[–]Stubbula 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, I worked in the backroom for a couple of years and I remember those price tags like no other.

[–]taxz 4 points5 points ago

came in to say this.

[–]Aeonic 1 point2 points ago

Ex-hastings employee came her to say this as well.

[–]Admiral_Fancypants 0 points1 point ago

I was wondering when Hastings got an "adult" section.

[–]MrNiceWatchBro 0 points1 point ago

How many Hastings are there? I knew they were a chain but the only one I have ever been in is in Wenatchee, Wa

[–]Zombierasputin 0 points1 point ago

I worked at one in Spokane, which closed a few years ago. We used to have 4 stores.

[–]Aeonic 0 points1 point ago

I think the figure is around 150 stores. Hastings policy is to set up stores in smaller rural areas where there isn't a huge competitive market.

[–]ipeedinyourcereal 0 points1 point ago

They are everywhere in the midwest. I'm a manager at Hastings. They are about to go through another remodel and sell even more ridiculous stuff.

[–]ipeedinyourcereal 0 points1 point ago

I also noticed the tag and came here just to see if other hastings employees had noticed. :P

[–]josephsh -1 points0 points ago

Or Spencer's Gifts

[–]HotforSega 1 point2 points ago

The price tag looks like one from Hasting's. I don't know about Spencer's though.

[–]Bearrunner44 21 points22 points ago

I'd buy this, if Charlie Kelly did the commercials.

[–]MooBaloo 14 points15 points ago

BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE FANTASTIC NEW WEENER KLEENER

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Peregrine7 4 points5 points ago

Yand?

[–]AwwYea 24 points25 points ago

Or the old spice guy.

Hello ladies. Look at your man's weiner, now back to mine...

[–]ENTP 0 points1 point ago

How about the other old spice guy?

[–]hcfranklin14 1 point2 points ago

I read the "One size fits all" in his voice.

[–]vecnyj 1 point2 points ago

Is your weener toooooo dirty??

[–]RX_queen 44 points45 points ago

Wait, wait... sent you the picture or the soap?

[–]IdahoSucks[S] 25 points26 points ago

hah, yeah. just the picture.

[–]laughitupfuzzball 67 points68 points ago

disaPPOINTED!!!!

[–]Kelvara 2 points3 points ago

That video always gets me. Like, the director just went "sure, that seems like how the line should go."

[–]wesman212 5 points6 points ago

What good is that? You can't put your penis through a picture!

[–]BlueHawke 9 points10 points ago

Of course you can!

All you need is:

  • 1 color printer
  • 1 hole punch

[–]wesman212 7 points8 points ago

Why color? I like my women old-fashioned. How can you get off if she's not various shades of grey, like her soul?

[–]BlueHawke 4 points5 points ago

Honestly with the price of printer ink, it's probably cheaper to hire a hooker.

[–]wesman212 2 points3 points ago

Nice try, American Prostitute Association.

[–]GMan129 1 point2 points ago

and her rights!

[–]Dirrwen 4 points5 points ago

But papercuts ಠ_ಠ

[–]The_Old_Regime 3 points4 points ago

Butt papercuts.

[–]ihavenoartskills 1 point2 points ago

It hurts so good

[–]Adolpheappia 1 point2 points ago

I'd double check your print settings, if I were you...

[–]wesman212 1 point2 points ago

Ah shit, I forgot to enable "promiscuity."

Carry on.

[–]Shit_Fucking_Happens 0 points1 point ago

Or your penis.

[–]ObidiahWTFJerwalk 0 points1 point ago

But still, are they complaining that you have a stinky weener?

[–]54MProductions 20 points21 points ago

Do they just expect your dick to grow with every wash or something?

[–]ZeroNihilist 9 points10 points ago

Good point. Surely either it would have to be uncomfortably small to start with and then gradually reach a good size, or it would be the right size (or too large) to start and then get progressively worse. I guess you have to do a "hula hoop" maneuver to use the soap properly.

[–]Atersed 15 points16 points ago

Oh my God you've just invented the dick hula hoop.

[–]omfghi2u -1 points0 points ago

motherofgodface.jpg

[–]MegaCoolMan 4 points5 points ago

My Aunt and Uncle got me one of these for Christmas...my grandma said "They didn't have any smaller sizes??"

God I love my family.

[–]procrastinatorium 3 points4 points ago

I love the last sentence: "If the weener cleaner ever gets stuck, soak with cold water"

[–]Italian_Barrel_Roll 2 points3 points ago

Is it just me or is does that aperture look way too tiny for any reasonable penis?

[–]Shit_Fucking_Happens 2 points3 points ago

SHUT UP.

[–]blkhockeypro19 1 point2 points ago

I was thinking this as well. Either everyone here is kidding about their micro penises, or everyone actually has a micro penis.

[–]anus_in_my_cheese 2 points3 points ago

"Most appendages"? I couldn't fit my hand through there, let alone my leg. That's only useful for one thing.

[–]skemar 2 points3 points ago

"CAUTION: If the Weenwer Kleener ever becomes STUCK, soak area with COLD water" or jump in a cold swimming pool...

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

Your username hurts Idaho's feelings. He's crying now because of you.

[–]upvotesIdahoStuff 10 points11 points ago

I've got Idaho's back.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

You're the hero Idaho deserves.

[–]derpfft 1 point2 points ago

this was one of the "hilarious" gifts my aunt got me for my 21st birthday.

[–]StuperB71 1 point2 points ago

so i got this and have been rubbing it on my dick fr like 2 day now... don't see the improvement from normal soap.. hard to hold too and the hole in the middle is kinda inconvenient

[–]Schmillt 2 points3 points ago

2 days? Non stop? Wow... Just wow.

[–]Kimberlylynn2003 0 points1 point ago

I think you're doing it wrong

[–]genitalDefect 1 point2 points ago

Just out of curiosity, where would one acquire such a product? Not that I... Just for the sake of completeness... of the thread. Yeah.

[–]Wackydude1234 1 point2 points ago

It's too small big for me.

[–]eXX0n 1 point2 points ago

"Personal hygiene has never been as STIMULATING" lol

[–]Java_Beans 1 point2 points ago

I don't always clean my weener, but when I do I use Kleener Weener Soap.

[–]Thik 1 point2 points ago

im supposed to fit in that?

[–]uguysmakemesick 1 point2 points ago

Wouldn't this burn like hell?

[–]IdahoSucks[S] 0 points1 point ago

you are the best kind of person.

[–]Galactic 1 point2 points ago

CLEARLY designed by someone who hates men.

"I'll just design it with a comically large hole so everyone will feel inadequate!" -Stupid inventor

"This is why their product will never make it to the big leagues." -Johnson & Johnson & my small johnson.

[–]joanzen 1 point2 points ago

Needs to be larger for my needs... Shitty_Gimp_on_a_laptop reporting in!

[–]2biggiesmalls3 1 point2 points ago

I love Hastings. It's a great store.

[–]Piernitas 0 points1 point ago

Additional cleansing may be desired...

[–]captchaking 0 points1 point ago

Is this the new product from the ShamWow guy?

[–]piezo32 0 points1 point ago

Generous.

[–]Boto808 0 points1 point ago

what the hell is inbetweener? Or do i really want to know...

[–]rumnscurvy 2 points3 points ago

A popular British comedy show about some teens in sixth form.

[–]w0bb 0 points1 point ago

In this context it means inbetween small and large...

[–]rumnscurvy 0 points1 point ago

[–]madman_ozzy 0 points1 point ago

Oooh i first thought it was a genitalia piercing. :-p

[–]X26 0 points1 point ago

surprised the lettering isn't in chinese

[–]vaginal_cream 0 points1 point ago

I wonder how I would feel, if my roommate thought I had a smelly dick...

[–]IdahoSucks[S] 3 points4 points ago

feelsbadman.

[–]BIGnateBIGpoppa 0 points1 point ago

do they offer bulk pricing of like 1000 @sams or something? cuz i could go through that many in a week, and i wanna save some money!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I always knew this existed...

[–]Willyjwade 0 points1 point ago

When I was in day care one Summer a kid form the high school who worked there brought one of those to us and we wrote a jingle for it, It basically went "Weener Cleaner, clean your weener. If I can do it anyone can." and then the poor guy got fired.

[–]yogoloprime 0 points1 point ago

It is a hint.

[–]IMMarveL 0 points1 point ago

If you look at the top right corner of the packaging, it says "one size fits xxx". Now if that xxx is replaced by "all" or "no one" is beyond me.

[–]reynej 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, personal hygiene, that's what it'll get used for.

[–]Bordichelly 0 points1 point ago

Haha, bro, I already posted that.....

[–]oldymcoldington 0 points1 point ago

"One size fits.... all?"

looks like you could pass a coke can through and not scrape the sides

[–]GFandango 0 points1 point ago

Don't they have a bigge...who am i kidding...

[–]ARGHJP 0 points1 point ago

It already has an Upvote on it.

[–]wrecksause 0 points1 point ago

My friends younger brother got that for Christmas. He is 13

[–]Farmacee 0 points1 point ago

Apparently your roommate is of the opinion that your wiener requires cleaning.

[–]QUiXiLVER25 0 points1 point ago

That is the fast track to an abnormally long shower session and too many of them a week.

[–]swampfish 0 points1 point ago

It is $5.97 at Amazon.

[–]LogiclyLiterate 0 points1 point ago

Take the hint, TAKE THE HINT!

[–]getgnar 0 points1 point ago

So why does Idaho suck? I've always thought it would be a beautiful place to visit.

[–]holger-danske 0 points1 point ago

your roommate wants you to have a cleaner wiener?

[–]foreverisnever 0 points1 point ago

Who is UP for some ring toss?

[–]FedsAgainstGunS 0 points1 point ago

got that for my uncle a few months ago, just can believe i didnt think to put a picture up on here

[–]Emergencyegret 0 points1 point ago

So your friend just went to Spencers or Hot Topic?

[–]Civiski 0 points1 point ago

One size does Not fit all.

[–]Wolf_Man92 0 points1 point ago

Doesn't matter, had Sex!!!! And Soap!!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

What's the matter, doesn't he like the taste of knob cheese?

[–]drewmonster 0 points1 point ago

One size fits whom?!

[–]360walkaway 0 points1 point ago

If your roommate has one for himself, I would be careful.

[–]poison2URthorn 0 points1 point ago

I swear, I was just cleaning it and it went off in my hands.

[–]gracieuhoh 0 points1 point ago

Hastings strikes again

[–]not_funny_end_thread 0 points1 point ago

It's almost like your friend bought you a novelty gift...from a novelty gift shop....Why did anyone upvote this?

[–]Lynch117 0 points1 point ago

Seems legit to me.

[–]Xenopus_laevis 0 points1 point ago

The only thing I am shocked about is that this product didn't come from Japan.

[–]QuantumMojo 0 points1 point ago

It's my dick and my soap... I'll wash it as fast as I like.

[–]broken86 0 points1 point ago

5.99? that's a bargain for clean junk

[–]arron46 0 points1 point ago

Look at the little up vote in the top right hand corner

[–]PhotoshopMogul 0 points1 point ago

Tuna farts

[–]TargetDummy 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, so I've actually seen these things before. We have an annual family Christmas party and we always do a gag gift exchange. Usually people just keep it and regift it the next year. Unopened. So yeah, at least one of my family members probably has a mint condition Weener Kleener in their attic somewhere.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Masturbation in the shower just got way kinkier!

[–]cajamatt 0 points1 point ago

shame. didn't take the price tag off. how woood.

[–]wenzelr2 0 points1 point ago

Wouldn't you need a hardon for this.

[–]Pterodactyl_sir -2 points-1 points ago

Large or small or inbetweener, nothing beats a cleaner wiener!

[–]nrfx 3 points4 points ago

Please tell me what the point is in repeating the text in the link again in the comments section?

What is this, youtube?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

not big enough.

[–]ScruffySaysMhm -1 points0 points ago

Spencers.

[–]SynapticPathway -1 points0 points ago

Pick one up at Spencer's in the mall if you want one. Saw them there when buying joke "over the hill" gifts.

[–]Bordichelly -1 points0 points ago

I already posted this a couple days ago!

[–]Kimberlylynn2003 -2 points-1 points ago

They should make one for boobies!

[–]TigerKiss -1 points0 points ago

Where did he buy that?! I need to get a few, and mail it overseas as a gag for my friend in the Marine Corps!