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top 200 commentsshow all 366

[–]Glutimous 104 points105 points ago

I prefer this gif.

[–]StickR 3 points4 points ago

why is this so far down? Tis is what I expected as well..

[–]petergibson75 1 point2 points ago

hell yeah lol this is more like it

[–]TOMFO0LERY 640 points641 points ago

Psh, family vacations are just playing masturbation on hard mode.

[–]ImKennedy 296 points297 points ago

I thought hard mode was at your grandmother's wake?

[–]Colin_Oscar_P 475 points476 points ago

I thought masturbation was always on hard mode.

[–]thetruegmon 89 points90 points ago

Sigh...upvote, upvote, upvote..

[–]Beretot 9 points10 points ago

AJAJAJAJ...

[–]PerogiXW 56 points57 points ago

[–]intel23 30 points31 points ago

didnt even know that when you double click it changes to a different episode.

[–]PerogiXW 16 points17 points ago

Well TIL

[–]biggmclargehuge 5 points6 points ago

[–]Lolazaurus 22 points23 points ago

Haven't you ever jerked a softie?

[–]Jackstick 27 points28 points ago

This is not what nature intended.

[–]stewpedassle 14 points15 points ago

If everyone had this mentality, we would not be cooking with fire.

[–]superwinner 1 point2 points ago

Haven't you ever jerked a softie?

Every. Single. Time.. sadly.

8(

[–]ericleeparker 8 points9 points ago

it seems to be pretty easy for your mom

[–]Colin_Oscar_P 17 points18 points ago

[–]Curious_Kiwi 2 points3 points ago

boooo

[–]BlueSpeed9 2 points3 points ago

That's veteran mode.

[–]avalose 6 points7 points ago

everyone who says they've been on reddit too much, shut up

[–]I_CAPE_RUNTS 3 points4 points ago

no, you're thinking of my son's wake.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

I bet he was ;D

[–]afterbirth_slime 1 point2 points ago

If you time it right you can dump a load in the casket without anyone knowing.

[–]xaxers 2 points3 points ago

Naw, you're too busy trying to score pussy by being "sad and in need of comfort."

[–]mCat85 16 points17 points ago

here's the secret to masturbating on hard mode: up up down down left right left right splat splat splat splat

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 7 points8 points ago

That only works on level middle school.

[–]Residual_Entropy 1 point2 points ago

To me, it's just Danger Wank, W1S1.

[–]commiedic 1 point2 points ago

Why is it hard mode? Do you people not take showers or sleep in your own room? Since I think most of you guys are young I will give you a piece of advice my step brother learned.

Don't use socks and try to flush them down the toilet. Once the pipe clogs a very embarrassing conversation is bound to happen.

[–]skinker 170 points171 points ago

What? You actually go the whole week without masturbating?

[–]Linton58[S] 114 points115 points ago

Oddly enough...It was worth it.

[–]Jayers 55 points56 points ago

Doubt it.

[–]OleDaneBoy 228 points229 points ago

Showers are private time for a reason. And your dicks right there. It's right there

[–]midnightsnacks 31 points32 points ago

Well most people need some sort of visual stimulation. Guess OP didn't have a good view of the beach from his bathroom?

[–]ninjafish112 181 points182 points ago

What ever happened to imagination?

[–][deleted] 250 points251 points ago

Internet.

[–]FadedPoster 89 points90 points ago

Imagination kicks back in when you're away from internet, trust me. Testosterone doesn't give a fuck.

[–][deleted] 76 points77 points ago

away from the internet

What do you mean "away". Like going to the bathroom?

[–]FadedPoster 18 points19 points ago

No, I bring the internet to the bathroom. I mean family vacations / backpacking trips.

[–]KrazyEyezKilla 13 points14 points ago

No Internet and no Japanese girls puking into each others mouths make Randy something something.

[–]quikmcmuffins 1 point2 points ago

tv

[–]Teotwawki69 21 points22 points ago

True, dat. If you can't bone it up and blast it off with just the pictures in your brain, you're doing it wrong.

[–]veils1de 9 points10 points ago

What happened to spank banks? I thought most guys had them. Commit hot pictures to memory, it'll be worth it. (I heard this, I wouldnt know this from experience obviously)

[–]Tronlet 5 points6 points ago

Oh, obviously.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RollTide09 2 points3 points ago

I do too. I actually prefer it. I just make up some story in my head about getting laid by some chick I know or something. Good shit.

[–]ikilledkojack 4 points5 points ago

Just make a withdrawal from the wank bank.

[–]lap35 14 points15 points ago

Put your ipod/phone/whatever you use in a plastic bag and take it to the shower... it works

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]dangeraardvark 20 points21 points ago

Upvoted because the sheer ridiculousness of this post made me laugh out loud.

[–]quikmcmuffins 4 points5 points ago

looks like we're dealing with a pro

[–]Zuir 8 points9 points ago

Wait what? I don't think I've ever masturbated to video/images.

[–]wootywoo 28 points29 points ago

I use to wank off to this. http://i.imgur.com/vj58f.jpg

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 16 points17 points ago

There's porn on the internet now.

[–]shadow1515 1 point2 points ago

Really? Am I some sort of prodigy for not needing any?

And anyway, smartphones.

[–]badtimeticket 6 points7 points ago

Who needs masturbation when you have wrestling?

[–]dealwithit1 18 points19 points ago

There are people that go on for months

Courtesy r/nofap

[–]chroncile 1 point2 points ago

Is something wrong with me? Are my testosterone levels low? I'm never horny nowadays and I'm only 18 years old. I can go on for what feels like years without masturbating or even looking at porn or thinking sexual thoughts. I try to get aroused by sexual thoughts and porn, but I get nothing, but a boner. And the boner doesn't even have meaning, it's like I didn't have a boner in the first place. I don't feel anything from it.

[–]zigzagZodiac 15 points16 points ago

Uhhh...depression?

[–]cboogie 3 points4 points ago

Maybe you should try spying on the opposite team? See what you get. Might find out something you did not know about yourself. But it's cool. Ease into it if you are into it. Just because your looking does not mean your gay.

[–]PPOKEZ 1 point2 points ago

If you are happy with it then do nothing. If otherwise, lift weights for a month and see how you feel. Use large muscle groups like legs chest and arms. You will get cravings for fat and meat - eat it all.

[–]n3tm0nk3y 1 point2 points ago

That would scare me into a doctor visit.

[–]ifjdivjfijv 1 point2 points ago

I went 3 weeks without masturbating. I was so desperate.

[–]Androne 35 points36 points ago

You guys aren't taking enough risks in your life.

[–]mushmancat 27 points28 points ago

Thats what I'm saying. Back when I was first discovering it, I jerked off at my Grandmother's birthday party at my aunt's house in my cousin's bedroom with the door open. I still cringe thinking of how awkward i would have been if someone walked in.

[–]squid_ward 10 points11 points ago

once i jerked off in the same room where my father was sleeping. I cant even imagine how i managed that. Theres only a bed and an armchair and they are one metre away from each other. Good times...

[–]spongeb00b 7 points8 points ago

Oh, he knew...

[–]Infinitron 3 points4 points ago

Keep it up, good guy tollbooth operator.

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 8 points9 points ago

As a teenager the only thing worse than not masturbating is getting caught masturbating. Just sayin'.

[–]weaselsqueezer 4 points5 points ago

Haha ya in my early teen years, I was a horny little fuck. Faped on the bus a couple times. At my grandparents house many times (and got caught once). While watching hours of job training videos on my first day of work. In the back seat of a car full of family on a road trip. In the break room at the same workplace I faped at while in training. Ya I'd say I'm a master of through the pants faping

[–]pomegranati 52 points53 points ago

try 3 weeks. I went on a 3 week road trip with my family. Even the though of sex brought me close to an orgasm.

[–]PlayDiaPlay 21 points22 points ago

3 weeks? Is that possible without having "wet dreams"?

[–]TrampyKnight 18 points19 points ago

[–]Cczx 24 points25 points ago

What... What is this place?

[–]bacon_cake 26 points27 points ago

It's full of people who have stupidly inflated egos because they haven't wanked for a month.

[–]stewpedassle 24 points25 points ago

Well...that, but I'm pretty sure their balls are stupidly inflated too.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

Bro, once you stop fapping, you get, like, super confident, and occasional super powers.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

There's nothing egotistical about it, look through the comments on the front page and you will find nothing but support and kindness.

[–]Beretot 10 points11 points ago

Maybe you should actually get to know the community before saying stuff like that. They were pretty supportive and nice.

I'm an "elder" there, someone who has managed to complete the 90-day challenge.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

I'm curious, WHY? Masturbation is completely normal and healthy. Why deny yourself something that feels so good?

[–]Furiousturtle 14 points15 points ago

From the /r/nofap FAQ:

  • Testosterone serum boost - Science has found that, after approximately 7 days of no masturbation, the testosterone serum levels in your body will increase by nearly 50%. This will then gradually head back down toward the baseline level, but the serum testosterone level remains slightly above the pre-surge baseline.

  • Numbed Pleasure Response healing - You may suffer from something called Numbed Pleasure Response (perhaps even Erectile Dysfunction), making it harder for you to reach pleasure or climax. After a period of no fap your brain will reboot.

  • Self-control - If you feel you may be addicted to masturbation there are benefits alone from gaining the self control to stop yourself.

  • More hard drive space - Some porn collections can take Terabytes of information, learn to eliminate it and reclaim your disk space.

  • More time - spending hours at home looking for that one image to get off? You could be learning a language, meeting people, exercising.

  • More enthusiasm - especially about pursuing women for real sex

  • Improved attitude - many rebooted No-Fappers describe increased happiness throughout their lives, especially in their attitudes toward women

[–]aasdfr123 1 point2 points ago

Self-control - If you feel you may be addicted to masturbation there are benefits alone from gaining the self control to stop yourself.

More time - spending hours at home looking for that one image to get off? You could be learning a language, meeting people, exercising.

wtf? I just masturbate for maybe 10 to 15 min before going to sleep. If someone masturbates for several hours a day (how would that even work?) that person should maybe see a doctor.

[–]Andraus 22 points23 points ago

Some men just want to watch the balls burn.

[–]kroatia04 1 point2 points ago

That's how you get them? because damn they feel good!

[–]CaptAwesomepants 17 points18 points ago

Did you not shower or accidentally look at your sister one night oh come on we've all done it once on family vacations why is everyone looking at me like that?

[–]Totsean 7 points8 points ago

[–]toucandan 23 points24 points ago

[–]happyCuddleTime 3 points4 points ago

Not clicking that.

[–]warnsyounottoclick 4 points5 points ago

think this:

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I ABOUT TO CLICK?"

don't click it

DON'T YOU FUCKING CLICK IT!

[–]xeren 2 points3 points ago

I miss bozarking...

[–]maxd 53 points54 points ago

Aziz Ansari had something to say about this.

(And I'd like to add that I just spent the last 30 minutes making this damn GIF, it's my first ever, and I hope someone likes it!)

[–]pudumtish 5 points6 points ago

I like it. Is that good enough?

[–]Soupy21 1 point2 points ago

Nice, well done

[–]nippletang 121 points122 points ago

HERE CUMS THE PAIN

[–]Machinax 8 points9 points ago

The next big thing...as soon as he's home alone again, anyway.

[–]ah18255 13 points14 points ago

judging by the responses to this post, there are two types of people in this world: Those who do, and those who do not masturbate on family vacations. It seems that these two types of people have vastly different outlooks on masturbation requirements.

[–]peeonyou 71 points72 points ago

Funny.. I warned my gf about that the other day and she said "oh don't worry I can handle it".

I proved her wrong that night.

[–]TH3_FORC3 123 points124 points ago

yeah i hate it when it bleeds thru the sock too, it's like why do i even bother using one?

[–]AudibleChocolate 21 points22 points ago

Good god, I thought I was the only one...

[–]SupaFly-TNT 1 point2 points ago

I have a fap "Sock drawer" with all my retired socks that I don't wear anymore. It's the cleanest way for me. I just wash them myself instead of putting them in the laundry.

Honestly Ive been doing it this way so long any other way (besides having the wife doit) takes 10X as long.

[–]foofaw 5 points6 points ago

Mine got infested with ants :\

[–]freakysteve 17 points18 points ago

Did you pee on her?

[–]dmarch17 24 points25 points ago

[–]Teotwawki69 36 points37 points ago

Like this? [NSFW]

[–]PlayDiaPlay 19 points20 points ago

I can't believe i actually sat and watched that whole thing ._.

[–]aleigh80 9 points10 points ago

Why did I just watch that ENTIRE thing?!?!

[–]warnsyounottoclick 19 points20 points ago

DON'T FUCKING CLICK IT

I'll never get those 15 minutes back. I gave them up for you.

[–]Teotwawki69 12 points13 points ago

It was really about three minutes, but I guess you live in a universe with strange time dilation effects.

[–]warnsyounottoclick 9 points10 points ago

It felt like a fucking eternity.

[–]hogimusPrime 1 point2 points ago*

Maybe his reference frame is accelerating away from us, you insensitive prick.

[–]YouveBeenOneUpped 1 point2 points ago

You're doing God's work, sir.

[–]Baconigma 3 points4 points ago

How did this get downvoted?

[–]Dustin- 1 point2 points ago

It says "two hours later" but the clock stays the same? I call SHENANIGANS.

[–]drewman77 1 point2 points ago

Video proof (nsfw)

[–]awhit147 48 points49 points ago

That's what the shower is for.

[–]TheDude- 20 points21 points ago

Then your parents comment, "I've never seen you wear hair gel."

[–]hankofthehill 57 points58 points ago

Cool story Ben Stiller.

[–]Ben_Stiller 35 points36 points ago

What? That wasn't me!

[–]allupgradeswillblost 4 points5 points ago

The Farrelly Brothers did write it, but you agreed to do it, kind of like how you agreed to star in Tower Heist.. What happened there?

[–]XpertSlayeR 32 points33 points ago

Yeah that's pretty accurate.

[–]demonweb 14 points15 points ago

Indeed.

[–]wesman212 4 points5 points ago

Quite.

[–]Linton58[S] 22 points23 points ago

Indubitably.

[–]ootnzoontz 4 points5 points ago

yep

[–]Biblical_Shrimp 35 points36 points ago

Dirigible.

[–]zman0728 4 points5 points ago

Definitive.

[–]MooBaloo 1 point2 points ago

Affirmative.

[–]PlayDiaPlay 0 points1 point ago

...Yes

[–]FrightJunkie 12 points13 points ago

If fireworks came out of my dick after a week of not masturbating, I would masturbate a lot less. Unless of course it hurt like hell. In which I would probably masturbate more to prevent my dick from expelling painful flames.

[–]juspeter 10 points11 points ago

My iPad is the perfect porn machine.

[–]thetruegmon 8 points9 points ago

That must be the one he has.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]TheMetalMilitia 8 points9 points ago

[–]red_280 4 points5 points ago

Or, when you're all sleeping in the same hotel room and you're forced to surreptitiously make your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night due to a nocturnal emission.

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 3 points4 points ago

This. I almost never have wet dreams but for some reason it's always at someone elses house, living room, bed, camping, etc.... the least opertune time imaginable.

[–]TransfoCrent 1 point2 points ago

Exactly! My first one was... at my grandmas house...

[–]ZackVee 6 points7 points ago

[–]Siege17 23 points24 points ago

The second time I've seen this exact title hit near the front page, but the first time it was a .gif of Willy Wonka riding the machine that was spewing white foam everywhere.

If you can spend an entire week without finding any time to masturbate, you're a moron.

[–]biobluedragon 16 points17 points ago

You guys talk like the act of not masturbating is a sickness...

ಠ_ಠ

[–]GoSTaRnE 4 points5 points ago

Is that because your family makes you really really really toey??

[–]redditedstepchild 14 points15 points ago

Toey? Wha?

[–]Vogey 3 points4 points ago

Some times taking a week off makes you feel amazing.

[–]fartandburp 34 points35 points ago

Is it bad that I'm a girl and feel the same way?

[–]Linton58[S] 91 points92 points ago

Why hello there, fartandburp.

[–]mgh245 4 points5 points ago

In the parlance of our times: Get it.

[–]daoddfahda 1 point2 points ago

[–]Ikarus3426 12 points13 points ago

Why is your family with you when you're using the bathroom? That's not right man. Families don't do that. You should probably call somebody.

[–]skillgannon5 4 points5 points ago

i remember when i was 15 after a 2 week vacation i think i hit the roof.

[–]SayNoToCirclejerks 3 points4 points ago

Which is why I take my iPhone + headphones everywhere I go, even out of the country.

[–]withmorten 1 point2 points ago

Im sure it wasn't about finding pictures to masturbate to, but finding the private space and time to masturbate. I've done the exact same thing for two weeks once, there wasn't even a lockable bathroom, I shared a room with my brother. No way to masturbate, but the imagination was there, believe me.

[–]dfgioxfjnbopyro 2 points3 points ago

Was expecting the Randy pic. no pun intended

[–]dangeraardvark 2 points3 points ago

What they don't have showers where you vacation?

[–]Cemitese 2 points3 points ago

How come wrestling reaction GIFs are always the funniest

[–]hannars27 2 points3 points ago

How I feel after my period.

[–]SolidCactus27 2 points3 points ago

"Here Comes the Pain"... Well, hopefully not...

[–]lukeisopinionated 2 points3 points ago

[–]xMcNerdx 1 point2 points ago

I can never think of that movie the same way...

[–]fenrisulfur 2 points3 points ago

When I go on a family vacation I fuck my wife after kids go to sleep.

Vacation sex is especially fun since it adds spice.

Something to think about, while your testicles are exploding your father is probably boinking your mother.

[–]tokidokey 10 points11 points ago

FUS RO DAH

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 1 point2 points ago

Which episode is this one from?

[–]KingPaco 1 point2 points ago

you could put an eye out with that thing

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 2 points3 points ago

That's why they say you can go blind.

[–]intel23 1 point2 points ago

this genuinely made me laugh. lmao

[–]ericleeparker 1 point2 points ago

you need some more 2nd cousins , ITS LEGAL I THINK

[–]SamBuddz 1 point2 points ago

On the plus side brock lesnar has come back to WWE

[–]octodat 1 point2 points ago

Young kiddo, dou you remeber the infamous "No-fap-february"? Back then our ancestors died for our freedom of fap, always remember. What you have experienced is just a joke in comparison to the hell they had to live through ಠ_ಠ

[–]cheesinator 9 points10 points ago

When I went to DC, I didn't masturbate for the first three days that I was there. After the third day, I felt like a small tumor had begun to grow in my stomach, and I was beginning to get a boner from looking at chairs, lamp posts, Arabic people, etc. I decided that since I was going to have no privacy in the hotel room, I would just simply masturbate on the tour bus, as it had a bathroom in the back. Needless to say, the back was too bumpy, so I moved up to the middle row, (As everyone was clustered toward the front). I was almost at my O point, when I noticed that the bus had been stopped for about a minute, and most of the people had filtered off. I quickly zipped my pants up, and ran off of the bus into the hotel room.

Later that night, I was sleeping in my family's conjoined hotel room, and felt the urge to purge. I assumed the position on the floor, claiming that the bed was 'too hot'. I finished right then and there, when I noticed my older bro had been watching the whole time for shits and giggles.

TLDR, I masturbated on a moving tour bus, and finished in the hotel room

[–]doff87 25 points26 points ago

...why wouldn't you just use the bathroom in the hotel?

[–]ViagraSailor 42 points43 points ago

It was too bumpy in there, too.

[–]cheesinator 5 points6 points ago

It had no lock, no fan, and it made a squeaky noise when I tried. Believe me, the floor wasn't my first choice.

[–]doff87 3 points4 points ago

I can rest easier now, Thank you.

[–]kejeros 1 point2 points ago

There was a window

[–]mozarts_ghost 20 points21 points ago

[–]darkfire613 2 points3 points ago

This is the first time I've seen this gif not in response to the forward version

[–]Murcalumis 4 points5 points ago

Isn't it against Reddit rules to post this reversed gif first? It has to be to come second in the chain in order to maximize your potential karma.

[–]DicksonYamada 1 point2 points ago

Mmmm... incest. I would hope it was more like this.

my older bro had been watching the whole time for shits and giggles

[–]I_CAPE_RUNTS 20 points21 points ago

...arabic people...

[–]cheesinator 3 points4 points ago

Not to be racist; but there are a LOT of Arabic people in Washington DC. They all drive their own taxis and all talk very loud in Arabic on bluetooths while they drive.

[–]NowISeeTheFunnySide 21 points22 points ago

Not to be racist; but

You know what comes next.

[–]Vormav 5 points6 points ago

Oddly enough, the message was perfectly fine without the 'Not to be racist' bit. Adding that resulted in a surge of angry downvotes.

[–]cfuse 2 points3 points ago

That dude?

[–]KingOfLlamas 2 points3 points ago

So many LOL's were had. Thank you.

[–]danielvutran 0 points1 point ago

tldr; I downvoted you for making your font blue to get more attention.

[–]pbowling808 2 points3 points ago

"When I format for the first time after a week long family vacation."

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 1 point2 points ago

Like he wasn't doing it with you.

[–]4427910004015126 2 points3 points ago

dude...you can't go a whole week, if I could shlick while in the backseat of a van during our family's 2 week cross-country trip, you can fap at one point or another during your trip. maybe next time? Cheers!

[–]Bipolarruledout[!] 6 points7 points ago*

Because boners.

/Edit: And jizz.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I have to withhold my man juice for 50 days. 50. Fucking. Days. I think I may very well die.

[–]StickR 3 points4 points ago

What the whaa? WHY would you do something like that?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

It's an archaeology dig with very little privacy. I'm scared Dave. Will I dream?

[–]dcgm 1 point2 points ago

Ur gonna cream ur pants while sleeping bro. Count on it

[–]OleDaneBoy 0 points1 point ago

Such POWER

[–]Dontfeedthehookers 0 points1 point ago

I remember coming out of boot camp after only rubbing one out once. I was 17 and my folks picked me up. I went into the first private shower (with my folks in the next room) I'd seen in 8 weeks. That organism and the amount of effluent and the distance it shot still sticks in my mind 30 years later as one of the top 3 greatest cums I've ever had.

[–]TakeyoMedicine 0 points1 point ago

You spooge fire? Should probably get that checked

[–]KryLan46 0 points1 point ago

Why not just rub one out in the shower?

[–]h989 0 points1 point ago

Tell me about it, you ever wonder how hard it is to keep the morning glory undetected while waking up in a hotel room.

[–]Cha0tikz 0 points1 point ago

Why don't you just find a quiet spot and do it dry stroke? I can honestly say I don't feel that bad for you. If you wanted to do it, you would have found a way.

[–]dayus9 0 points1 point ago

I came here expecting this - http://i.imgur.com/6YqOa.jpg