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767
768

Over 68,000 single women... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by FrankieForte

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[–]tarraaa 12 points13 points ago

Bitch please. I keep a rubber glove to open up pickle jars and crusted nail polish. Love me some gripped yellow gloves

[–]zemonstaaa 10 points11 points ago

I once found an article on the internet "How to Show Your Man You Love Him". One point was to always make sure you let him do the manly things--i.e., open jars. Interesting.

[–]EmeraldGirl 8 points9 points ago

I show my man that I love him by not bugging him with mundane tasks that I could do myself.

And sex. Sex is very effective.

[–]Legen--dary 37 points38 points ago

I just use a spoon to pop the lid, makes opening it a piece of cake. Laughed at my husband when I could open jars he couldn't. Don't have to be strong if you're smart.

[–]Tokeli 37 points38 points ago

So you're the one who bends all the spoons. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Legen--dary 9 points10 points ago

nooo, the knives bend...I use strong spoons! I do!

[–]jpolonsk 10 points11 points ago

it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

[–]BewareOfLyon 5 points6 points ago

There is no spoon.

[–]CannedGenie -1 points0 points ago

Only your mind

[–]oldsecondhand 0 points1 point ago

And the cake is a lie.

[–]Tashre 7 points8 points ago

I wont say there isn't a jar I can't open, but I will say there isn't a jar I can't get the contents out of.

[–]Karmadoodle 5 points6 points ago

I do this :)

[–]jalpotato 4 points5 points ago

Barney please explain this godly technique.

[–]Thryck 3 points4 points ago

If that doesn't work, fuck it, hammer. Shards of glass in your beans toughen you up.

[–]eggylisk 2 points3 points ago

you can also run it under hot water

[–]missachlys 2 points3 points ago

This! People look at me like it's magic when I can open a jar they just spent 20 minutes twisting about in 30 seconds max.

[–]Leotabear 1 point2 points ago

Mind over muscle matter!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

Get a thick rubber band. Put it around rim of lid. Twist off with ease.

Next problem?

[–]BlushingSkunk 19 points20 points ago

That should say over 68,000 stupid women.

Run it under hot water. No? Try tapping it with a knife. Still didn't work? Smash that shit on the floor and eat your glass pickles like a boss.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

The tip of a butter knife as a lever under the lid to break the seal. Works every time.

[–]kenallen09 3 points4 points ago

This is not true. Whenever I can't open a bottle or jar, I give it to a female and they always manage to get it open immediately.

[–]russkull_badsky 20 points21 points ago

all she needs is to learn how to use her arms as levers, not just relying on her puny lady wrists...

-note-I also have puny lady wrists, and learned how to open jars... WITH SCIENCE!!!

[–]Tashre 15 points16 points ago

I also have puny lady wrists, and learned how to open jars... WITH SCIENCE!!!

Burn the witch!

[–]roguesareOP 0 points1 point ago

Or just have a big strong man to come in and say Let me help you with that!

[–]russkull_badsky -2 points-1 points ago

THIS

[–]Infinator10 1 point2 points ago

Are you bullshitting about using your arms as levers? If not, can you explain?

[–]russkull_badsky 7 points8 points ago

Usually when you see someone struggling to open a jar, they are twisting the jar with the power in their wrists. (One hand on the jar, one hand on the lid, bending at the wrists.)

The muscles in your arms are far stronger than the ones in your wrists alone.

Instead of opening as described above, lock your wrists and use your elbows... Hold the jar away from your body, one hand on the jar, one hand on the lid, lock your wrists, and bend your elbows bringing the jar towards your body.

As long as you don't slip, you are using far larger muscle groups. So maybe no levers, but bigger better muscles.

[–]Fvel 3 points4 points ago

I've found that when this doesn't work or there's a very hard lid to open, I'll just clamp the jar between my thighs, grab the lid like above mentioned, and also use my torso to open it.

[–]Infinator10 4 points5 points ago

Well I attach a rope tangent to the lid and another tangent to the jar in the opposite direction. Then I tie one end to the wall and pull, using my arms, legs, and torso. What now, huh?

[–]Infinator10 0 points1 point ago

Ah, now I see it. Thanks!

[–]CrayonOfDoom 1 point2 points ago

That's great when your wrist works correctly. I shattered my wrist long ago, and can't do pull ups, much less "lock" my wrist. The preferred method is the awesome little angle openers that you attach to the bottom of a cabinet. Those things let you put both arms worth of force onto twisting the jar. Quite fantastic.

[–]AimeeEvilpixie 0 points1 point ago

My problem is that I have teeny tiny hands. Seriously, I have the smallest hands of any person I know. I do okay with small jars, but once the lid gets above a certain diameter I just don't have enough hand to grip it with. It's super annoying.

[–]russkull_badsky 0 points1 point ago

this may be your only option

[–]AimeeEvilpixie 0 points1 point ago

I really should get one of those!

[–]wildcolonialboy 8 points9 points ago

Only if they buy pickles instead of the far superior bananas

[–]Zequez 3 points4 points ago

My girlfriend can't open plastic bottles, I feel really strong around her.

[–]lordzgirlfriend 4 points5 points ago

Strap wrench bitches! That and a dildo are all I need. (I yelled that in my best Steve Martin voice)

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

Ha. Ha. Ha. Not getting laid is so hilarious.

[–]shimmehkins 2 points3 points ago

i feel it will be the mullet that kills this one....not starvation

[–]HelloMyNameIsChivers 2 points3 points ago

If there's a jar I'm really struggling with, I put on dish gloves. It helps me keep a grip on the jar without hurting my hands.

[–]spilot 1 point2 points ago

My mom learnt me a weird way to open jars (and it also works on glass bottles). All you have to do is smack it by a wall (the cover), and you'll hear a sound pop, afterwards it'll be dead easy top open them without any hassle. Imgur

I've tried googling about it but sadly I haven't actually stumbled on any link that addresses it.

[–]bohemianmichfestie 7 points8 points ago

Oh reddit, you're so childish. Watch while I make a joke about castration, though very funny, reddit would not be amused. This war of the sexes is so childish, and misogyny... it identifies the adults and the children. Now down vote me, because I am a rabble rouser of the male ego.

[–]Qwantitative 1 point2 points ago

SO EDGY.

[–]bmfa02 2 points3 points ago

so srs you guys.

[–]Gamernz 3 points4 points ago

SRS stop with your narrow minded opinions. If you guys believed in a logical and fair debate, then maybe people would listen to you. But no, you spew your one sided shit out and ban/delete/downvote anything that disagrees with said bullshit view.

Fuck off back to your censored subreddits and stop leaking to the rest of reddit.

[–]Devilsrise 9 points10 points ago

That's not funny. This belongs in r/stupid

[–]lasercow 0 points1 point ago

I agree. stupid

[–]icyeh 6 points7 points ago

False. I open jars for my dad all the time. :/ This is NOT funny, it's just insulting.

Also, this makes the assumption that all women will date men. -_-

[–]KittenApocalypse 5 points6 points ago

Agreed. I've had to open jars for my boyfriend because he couldn't get them open.

[–]bohemianmichfestie 2 points3 points ago

I was expecting anything defending women in this reddit to get down voted. Don't forget that reddit is at least 80% male. No matter how funny I find castration, on reddit it will get down voted to oblivion. Misogyny on the other hand, completely hilarious to reddit. Which is why I tend to frequent the logical and intelligent reddits where the more mature audiences are. Don't worry, just because most of reddit is full of children, doesn't mean you can't find the right place to have mature and intelligent conversation.

[–]spamato -1 points0 points ago

Well if a single lady dates another woman they double team the jar.

[–]brandoncoal 1 point2 points ago

http://www.amazon.com/Fox-Run-5647-Jar-Opener/dp/B000GG9UP4

or for cheap as free

http://www.vexrobotics.com/media/catalog/product/cache/11/image/296x/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/2/7/276-1089-rubber-band.jpg

[–]Cibarius 2 points3 points ago

False. Insert friend zone victim here.

[–]yellowtruuuck 0 points1 point ago

We had a party the first time I opened a jar by myself... I hate that I'm being serious.

[–]marmosetohmarmoset 1 point2 points ago

nope.

[–]FightingPolish 0 points1 point ago

With a mullet like that, you'll never starve.

You know what I'm sayin'.

[–]qtychr 0 points1 point ago

@AngryBFlay "Fuckin' crazy to think if every last man on Earth died today, women would have literally no means of accessing food in tightly sealed jars."

[–]LNMagic 0 points1 point ago

There are tools to help open those. But then again, those are tools....

[–]Cocoasmokes 0 points1 point ago

I just tap the side of the lid against the edge of the kitchen counter. I don't know why it works, but I haven't had trouble with a jar since adopting this method.

[–]spamato 1 point2 points ago

Jar opens, pickles come out. Can't explain that.

[–]jlevenst -1 points0 points ago

married women get fat because they have husbands to open cans for them.

[–]NightmareZombie 1 point2 points ago

hell i just stab the top of the jar with a knife Eh its way easier

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I don't give my husband jars because I can't actually open it.

I give them to him so I can enjoy watching his muscles bulge in his arms. So sexy.

One day, I might just hot glue a lid on . . .

[–]AllDizzle 0 points1 point ago

I don't get this shit.

I'm not a strong guy, I also have very small wrists. I can open any jar. No they're not all EASY but I've never had one I simply could not open.

My girlfriend who's probably stronger than me can't open jars.

[–]i_fancy_that 1 point2 points ago

Serious question: Can women really not open these jars or are they just trying to make us feel strong and manly?

[–]CrayonOfDoom 0 points1 point ago

As a man with a severely impaired wrist, this blows ass. Just saying. You have no idea how humiliating it is to have to have your girl friends open jars for you. Just saying.

[–]cookie75 1 point2 points ago

wiggle a butter knife pop the seal, opens like butter

[–]piepiepiebacon 0 points1 point ago

Tap the edge of the jar against the counter, it pops the pressure and relaxes the jar enough to take the top off with ease. GG gents.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I'm a lady and everybody comes to me to open those.

[–]dastaria 0 points1 point ago

BANG IT ON THE FLOOR.

Shit comes right off.

[–]beep35 1 point2 points ago

FALSE! They starve to death by choice... I present to you, the future! http://www.jaropener.com/?gclid=CPaZ_rjht68CFQZ_hwod4UZygw

[–]brandoncoal 2 points3 points ago

http://www.amazon.com/Fox-Run-5647-Jar-Opener/dp/B000GG9UP4

or for cheap as free

http://www.vexrobotics.com/media/catalog/product/cache/11/image/296x/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/2/7/276-1089-rubber-band.jpg

[–]redkey42 2 points3 points ago

This actually made me want one, and I can generally open my own jars.

[–]bluematter08 0 points1 point ago

This is why I search the comments. I knew someone would mention this lol. I found 2 at goodwill the other day, and thought 'what a lazy invention'. Then my friend pointed out that some people have handicaps and I felt like an ass...

[–]Isthatrite 1 point2 points ago

Gotta tap that shit with a butter knife.

[–]Hellenomania 3 points4 points ago

There is a vacuum seal under the lid of most jars - tapping it destabilizes this vacuum seal assisting in the opening - this is also why running it under hot water assists as it lowers the force of the same vacuum seal.

[–]heyitsunshine -1 points0 points ago

pshhh. it's just faster to have the guy open it.

[–]LordOfDorkness -4 points-3 points ago

*Waits for the death of the poster by the well-manicured hands of /r/TwoXChromosomes*

[–]Tobymooiweerhond -1 points0 points ago

That is just propaganda women start to make men feel somehow useful.....

[–]NavyBlueLilacs -1 points0 points ago

Oh, right. I forgot about that new law requiring that all food be sold in jars now.

[–]Beetso -4 points-3 points ago

I shudder to think about how many single women are forced to flee their homes each year because of cockroach and spider infestations.

[–]AimeeEvilpixie 8 points9 points ago

I'm always the one who captures spiders and take them outside... When I lived at home my older brother could have like, five friends over, and they'd all refuse to go near the spider so I'd have to do it.

[–]ecksfactor -1 points0 points ago

Flip jar over. Tap rim on countertop. Open fucking jar.

[–]jamesonbar -3 points-2 points ago

Nice mullet

[–]Anticonn -5 points-4 points ago

Came for the funny picture, stayed for the outrage in the comments.

[–]mrbarry1024 -3 points-2 points ago

This is basically the only reason men still exist. And the ability to parallel park.

[–]aibot 0 points1 point ago

B'y I'm loaded and you just made my night, I was gasping for air I was laughing so hard haha.

[–]HITLARIOUS 0 points1 point ago

your comment has caused great butthurt

[–]Infinator10 5 points6 points ago

Psst. HEY. Yeah you, over there. Don't bring attention to there anymore.

[–]haalhorn -3 points-2 points ago

That, or they watch Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn, so they realize that glass jars break...

[–]patrick_j -2 points-1 points ago

She should get a new haircut. Then maybe she won't die.

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