My favorite line from the Office

Immynimmy · 5 months

"Toby is a part of HR, which means he's really not a part of our family. Actually, Toby is divorced so he's not a part of his family either"

anthonylam · 5 months

"Besides having sex with men, I'd say The Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me."

electrocuted · 5 months

My favorite:

I break in to Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard: I have a son, and it's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Gooberpatrol66 · 5 months

NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO NONONONONONO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO-

My favorite line regarding Toby, when Michael finds out he started working there again. I think up it sums up the attitude quite well.

toadsy · 5 months

the office just isn't the same without the sexual tension between michael scott and toby

dalyhk · 5 months

Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me into the workplace.

count_scoopula · 5 months

Mine is: "I. Declare. BANKRUPTCYYYYYYY!"

BranchDavidian · 5 months

"Toby, I hate... so much... about... who you choose to be."

Trying to restrain himself because he doesn't want to come right out and say he hates Toby in front of the entire office.

Paddlesons · 5 months

"No problem. The guys are having a little shindig of their own in the warehouse. From 2:30 to 3:15. That is the only time that Bob was available. Sort of a guys' night out. A 'G-N-O' if you will. A 'gno.' Actually it's more of a guys' afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay. Not-- not... it's uh, not gay. It's, uh, just uh, it's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys."

fatboi69 · 5 months

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

duckedtapedemon · 5 months

[deleted]

Jorgeen · 5 months

"You don't call retarded people retards, it's bad taste, you call your friends retards, when they're acting retarded."

noodlepenis · 5 months

"The object of parkour is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible. So yes, they are doing parkour, if point A is delusion and point B is the hospital." -Jim

Aruza · 5 months

Well, in his defense, he and Toby are the only 2 people alive in the room.

Verb_Rogue · 5 months

The follow-up with Dwight giving an object lesson is great, where he lines up Toby, Phylis as Hitler, and Andy as Bin Laden, then proceeds to demonstrate shooting them all through the neck with one bullet.

Priceless.

IAmAMango · 5 months

Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry.

cdlight62 · 5 months

MR. BUTTLICKER, OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!

Droi · 5 months

Andy: You don't have a TOOTHBRUSH?
Erin: No.
Andy: How do you not have a toothbrush?
Erin: There's always one around.

PiousRaptor · 5 months

It was even better afterwards, when Dwight told Michael he had taken it too far. If Dwight tells you that you've gone too far, you done goofed.

Damasticator · 5 months

"If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What have I been working towards?"

excalo · 5 months

Similar, but this one is my favorite

I believe it's from when Michael first sees Toby when he comes back from a vacation.

randominternetdude · 5 months

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HFHsF-zJy4

idea-man · 5 months

"I hate so much... about the things... you choose to be..."

Theitalianafro · 5 months

I have used this quote so many times. It fits perfect anywhere

vanderbugger · 5 months

This is my favourite line of the entire series. The first time I heard it I almost fell on the floor laughing.

pauler94 · 5 months

Somehow, before I clicked on this link, I KNEW that it would be this quote.

Proex · 5 months

Damn i miss this guy, season 8 is so boring without him!

hear_me · 5 months

You trying to say I should rewatch the office? because that seems like a good idea.

jures · 5 months

"Definitely, we should."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eG-WspjEu90

TrueAmurrican · 5 months

My dad used to use this joke a lot. Miss that guy.

PoopyMcfartface · 5 months

I think one of my favorite moments with Toby was when Michael thought he was moving away for good, and sung him a song entitled "Goodbye Toby", at his going away party.

[deleted] · 5 months

"I lost Ed Truck and…it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief-bone. And I'm crying and nobody can hear me because I am terribly, terribly…terribly alone."

Michael Scott, Season 3, Grief Counseling

bdhir · 5 months

Also my favorite quote, so have an upvote

wemlin14 · 5 months

well, why would you shoot two dead bodies? Of course you should shoot Toby.

ieatstickers · 5 months

It's Britney, bitch

tolstoyleo · 5 months

I've never seen this show, but that joke is older than Jesus.

MusicMagi · 5 months

My, philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who or who you are with, or or where you are going, or, or where you've been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.

sando425 · 5 months

Dwight, you ignorant slut.

jz05 · 5 months

[deleted]

TyZi · 5 months

Classic.

thatGman · 5 months

I know a guy who's name is Toby and I fully agree with this.

komodoswaggin · 5 months

If i had a gun with only two upvotes, i would upvote this twice.

amolad · 5 months

Old joke about Walter O'Malley who did actually try to keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. It was really Robert Moses who should have been shot twice.

Miseducated · 5 months

creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts

Creed needs more screen time.

FalcoLX · 5 months

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title	comnts	points	age	/r/
Oh, Michael Scott...	1^com	17^pts	3^mos	funny
"If I had two bullets..."	58^coms	285^pts	3^mos	funny
If i had a gun with two bullets and i was in a room with...	3^coms	-5^pts	8^mos	pics
Still one of the best lines from The Office.	211^coms	553^pts	8^mos	funny
"If I had two bullets..."	475^coms	2639^pts	1^yr	funny
Best quote from The Office. Always makes me laugh.	635^coms	1849^pts	1^yr	funny
We know who didn't kill Bin Laden.	83^coms	1000^pts	11^mos	pics
Michael Scott and Toby	1^com	10^pts	1^yr	funny

source: karmadecay

metalguitar103 · 5 months

This has never been posted before. No, really.

drewba · 5 months

Toby, convicted rapist.

whatepisthis · 5 months

Season 6 Episode 25, The Chump

HeyKatieJay · 5 months

I love catching people in the act. It's why I always whip open doors.

dontmindifidont · 5 months

I knew exactly what this was going to be before I clicked the link. I fucking miss Michael Scott.

menomenaa · 5 months

Does anyone know who wrote this line? I just ask because there's been a huge new wave of people discussing and incorporating the writers of comedy shows and giving them credit when it usually just goes to the actors (who obviously have a huge, huge part in delivering the line so it is funny, I'm not saying they don't deserve tons of credit, too.) I love hearing which writers on The Office write certain scenes/lines, and I think it's so cool that devoted Community fans talk about Megan Ganz and Dan Harmon and all the writers even though they're not the ones on screen.

This quote gets so much publicity--I feel like the original writer should be cited, somehow. Like when quotes by Louis CK are put on pictures of him and, obviously, credited to him.

ccour · 5 months

"I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."

Skaft · 5 months

Oh man, how I miss Michael

albertscoot · 5 months

Well of course he would I mean the other two are already dead.

buskerrhymes · 5 months

One of my favourites: 'these are not my shoes'- Michael Scott, drunkenly leaving an Indian wedding

peoplesmushroom · 5 months

Because the other two are dead and it would be a waste of bullets shooting them.

kenneth1221 · 5 months

Well, the other two are dead.

vtechnique · 5 months

Wow thank you this was so funny. I haven't heard this joke before, but big fan of Office, and I could totally hear Michael's voice and when I heard the punch line: shoot Toby twice, I busted up laughing for a solid minute or so. Thank you OP for making my day.

mjdgoldeneye · 5 months

I agree with this so much that I logged on just to upvote it.

awe300 · 5 months

Well hitler and bin laden are both dead, so why shoot them?

EsotericNinja · 5 months

I would too; I'm not going to waste bullets on two dead people

bjordion · 5 months

Michael: "Give me one reason why I shouldn't fire you on the spot!"

Dwight: "I have excellent sales numbers!"

Michael: "NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!"

Lhabs · 5 months

Hmm we think a like

http://instagr.am/p/JIXlTsLz_r/

MrSamsa90 · 5 months

There's a guy I work with and sometimes he brings out classic lines like that. The last day he came up to a group of 4 fellow staff and looked directly at them all. In a loud harsh voice he said "there are three fucking assholes in this room..........and John. You're all three of them."

Knurler · 5 months

Office UK, Gareth's ultimate fantasy and Gareth's fat bird problem

kmad26 · 5 months

My favorite:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC23PD5dDf8

Nebakanezzer · 5 months

this was also on demetri martin's important things, bathroom scene with david cross talking about co-workers

ithinkthisisshit · 5 months

mine too! this is not shit

tutae · 5 months

I'm guessing Toby is a knob.

[deleted] · 5 months

The best line of the series is actually when Michael asks if Phyllis' friend (who she suggested setting up on a date with him) could fit in an average-sized rowboat without capsizing (the answer was "no").

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SricpmKQd3U

TheDurrKing · 5 months

Better Plan: Line Toby up with Hitler, shoot. Then line him up with Osama, shoot. Now 2 criminals of genocide and terrorist acts are dead, AND TOBY!

SaViOrSeLpH · 5 months

Yawn.....

lItsAutomaticl · 5 months

Everything with Mike hating Toby are honestly my favorite jokes on the show

darthmincho · 5 months

Learn your rules, you better learn your rules: If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep!

Beshamon · 5 months

Wow, I don't recall this, it's very funny indeed. All my upvotes to u!!!!!

zxcv73 · 5 months

It's really the only good choice. Hitler and Bin Laden are dead already, so you'd be wasting bullets. Shooting a person twice is a good way to make sure they actually die.

mardfet · 5 months

Literally had to keep my mouth covered to not burst out laughing. I'd upvote it twice if I could.

jz05 · 5 months

The Deposition episode has two fantastic "fuck Toby" moments.

When Michael first gets there and Toby walks in- "No! No! I don't speak until he leaves. What are you doing here Toby, renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?"

And later when Michael is torn between helping Jan or the company, they take a break to eat lunch and this happens.

EDIT- Ok just going through youtube and forgot about this one

quantum_suicide · 5 months

"I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious."

Bullevanegrace · 5 months

My favorite line from the office is "i used to be a twin. But I absorbed him."

unremarkableusername · 5 months

Guess what? I have flaws. What are they?

Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car.

So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point I'm trying to make.

Chicarito · 5 months

So witty..

WingZero1 · 5 months

This is my favorite line also, poor toby.

Linton58 · 5 months

This is easily the best way to describe that you hate somebody.

jukeboxsavage · 5 months

"Wrong. You line them all up, and fire a single bullet through their throats."

Or something like that.

AverageSeniorCitizen · 5 months

Wow I've never seen this posted here before! Thanks for the contribution.

GwsGeorge · 5 months

Yeah, because the other 2 are dead. Duh.

andrewsmith1986 · 5 months

You and everyone else on reddit.

IAmAMango · 5 months

Toby Flenderson is an evil snail.

lingudah · 5 months

Hold on a sec! If this is The Office, then why does Ricky Gervais look like Steve Carell?

CheezNips · 5 months

I don't really like Toby himself, but I love how he just puts up with all the shit Michael gives him without complaining about it that much.

krazykenn · 5 months

Haha, just when I went on this the line was 5 seconds apart from showing up.

nickkid218 · 5 months

"Tube city. You owe me one."

Jagernukes · 5 months

As a person named Toby I get told this often.

slowmyrole19 · 5 months

Michael Scott: Hi-- No. No. Absolutely not. What is he doing here? Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?

Toby: Michael I'm your HR rep. I'm on your side.

Michael Scott: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.

xxclever_usernamexx · 5 months

If I were in that situation and were steve correl I would line up all three of their head and get a three person calateral kill.

redpoint13 · 5 months

Seriously, fuck you for posting this again.

vandrew13 · 5 months

[deleted]

evanthesquirrel · 5 months

FALSE!

lavender_lollipops · 5 months

lmao, exactly, that is my favorite show!

lillyjb · 5 months

Correct.

hitler and bin laden are both dead

AwesomeKing5000 · 5 months

Dwight Schrute intercepts!

asharkey3 · 5 months

One of the very few times The Office has made me laugh

I-make-mean-comments · 5 months

"Not cool"

2bullets4Toby · 5 months

I agree!

abasss · 5 months

When Michael found out that one of his girlfriends was cheating on him* he said that the other guy was almost as bad as Toby.

*actually, the other guy was the husband.

DrMrProfessor · 5 months

"I feel God in this Chilis tonight"

Scissor_Me_Timbers_ · 5 months

I feel this way about Toby Keith...

[deleted] · 5 months

I want to know which writer came up with this line and then see all of his/her work.

JoeTheDolfan · 5 months

What I would is line up their necks Toby, bin Laden, then Hitler and it would go straight through and kill them all

zedsdeadbby · 5 months

"Dwight, you ignorant slut!"

funny

MODERATORS

you'll need to login or register to do that

create a new account

login