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all 174 comments

[–]slackerdan 178 points179 points ago

Sooo... when are the divorce proceedings happening?

[–]schrute_buck[S] 161 points162 points ago

No papers yet, but can I maybe crash on your couch for a few days?

[–]slackerdan 148 points149 points ago

Sure, but if you creep into my bedroom and put a bee in my eye, they'll never find any part of you.

Just sayin'.

[–]Fenix_VI 30 points31 points ago

[–]pixeldorff 4 points5 points ago

Holy shit! That must have felt like death!

[–]diclemad 20 points21 points ago

Next blowjob is a tooth trap. Ye bee warned.

[–]tiffums 72 points73 points ago

I'm pretty unflappable with my nerves of steel, but my kryptonite is anything unpleasant involving eyes.

So guess what link my boyfriend just sent me, without mentioning what it was? Yeah, fuck you and him both for that. At least you'll have company on the metaphorical couch tonight.

[–]ryumast3r 94 points95 points ago

Guys don't mind the couch. You know why? It's a lot like camping.

No, instead... Here's a great idea for revenge:

Be the nicest person ever to him for a while. Make it creepy. So like, make him breakfast in the morning or something but have a scary smile when you give it to him. Nothing will actually happen, but eventually he'll start to wonder about what's going to happen. If he asks if you're mad just say that you're really happy (again, creepy-happy, etc).

He'll start to get freaked out by the odd mix of happy/creepy that he doesn't understand.

Then, one day when he's finally growing accustomed to the new you and not freaking out so much... push him down the stairs and kill him.

That'll teach him.

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points ago*

Then, one day when he's finally growing accustomed to the new you and not freaking out so much... push him down the stairs and kill him.

Boy, that escalated quickly.

Edit: Lasercow pointed out my wrong use of quick*.

[–]ryumast3r 11 points12 points ago

What can I say? I just don't like drama.

The whole "Are you going to kill me now?" 'maybe...' freaking out scene, etc... It all just gets too much for me. I much prefer to let them quietly debate in their heads, enjoy myself, have a cup of joe and then off with their heads it is. Much simpler this way.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

I'm inclined to agree.

[–]NinjamonkeySG 0 points1 point ago

As soon as I finished reading this, I wanted Froot Loops. Is that strange?

[–]JohnAdamZiolkowski 10 points11 points ago

Or descalated.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

[–]Hansarn 2 points3 points ago

Escalated with each word in that sentence, really.

[–]drakeblood4 1 point2 points ago

Even and?

[–]gunnar120 2 points3 points ago

Especially and.

[–]samcobra 2 points3 points ago

Yea, it really took quite a fall.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

[–]lasercow 2 points3 points ago

QUICKLY

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

My bad, I'll make sure to edit it for you. Thanks.

[–]lasercow 2 points3 points ago

thanks!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

No problem, have a wonderful rest of your day!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

What a twist!

[–]thaspaam 1 point2 points ago

Not really a twist, it was more playing with the expectations of the viewer.

[–]ryumast3r -1 points0 points ago

Give that viewer expectations. Viewers love octopus.

[–]youshallhaveeverbeen 15 points16 points ago

You know, with a name like Tiffums, I just wanna rustle your hair like you're my kid sister.

[–]IntroductoryAluminum 6 points7 points ago

Then maybe wrestle?

[–]tiffums 1 point2 points ago

I'll allow it, just this once.

[–]Le_Karma_Whore 4 points5 points ago

Wanna imagine something bad? Imagine paper cutting your eye. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Xeshema 2 points3 points ago

Oh, gosh augh! I'm leaving, bye.

[–]baloneyeagle123 0 points1 point ago

This actually happened to my dad many years ago. He was reading the newspaper when a strong breeze came along and the edge of the paper caught him right in the eye. There was no permanent damage, but he had to wear an eyepatch for a while

[–]Dynasty471 1 point2 points ago

Wait... so are you sure you're not OPs girlfriend?

[–]tiffums 0 points1 point ago

Yes, because:

  1. wasps don't bother me.
  2. OP said wife, and last time I checked I don't yet legally own my boyfriend. (Which is the most compelling reason to get married, ofc.)
  3. My boyfriend may not be smart enough to figure out that he really shouldn't link me to an image guaranteed to upset me, but he damn sure knows better than to brag to Reddit about it afterwards. It appears that the OP does not, in fact, know better.
  4. ????
  5. Boobs.

[–]Dynasty471 1 point2 points ago

Your boyfriend is a lucky guy...

[–]indyK1ng 36 points37 points ago

Don't blink. Blink and you're dead. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t blink. Good Luck.

[–]mahert12 14 points15 points ago

Love the doctor, and the weeping angels are freaky as hell.

[–]I_work_too_much 9 points10 points ago

FUCK EVERYONE THAT KEEPS REMINDING ME OF THESE EPISODES BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.

[–]sad_grumpzilla 2 points3 points ago

They are fast, faster than you can imagine!

[–]ColdChemical 1 point2 points ago

endermen?

[–]indyK1ng 2 points3 points ago

Watch an episode of Doctor Who called "Blink".

[–]ColdChemical 1 point2 points ago

Weeping angels or something like that, right?

[–]indyK1ng 0 points1 point ago

Yes.

[–]Simple_Jim 35 points36 points ago

When I was a prick of a kid I massacred a load of bees, they had an underground hive. Eventually a pair of really pissed off bees came out, one was pretty big as it was able to land on my face with its legs either side of my eye. I blinked just in time but my eyelid swole up magnificently. My cousin got it too, on the lower lip, that bitch was hanging halfway to his chin for a week. We deserved it.

[–]Degora 13 points14 points ago

[–]Larthrux 4 points5 points ago

where is that from?

[–]Cyl1d3 0 points1 point ago

Oh god this thread is awesome.

[–]zektiv 5 points6 points ago

I used to do the same thing. Only in my case the bee flew straight out, landed on my nose and stung me. At the time I had a small garden shovel that I was using to dig the hive out too. In an effort to get the bee away, I smacked myself in the face with the shovel. Still got stung....

[–]newb0rn11 2 points3 points ago

[–]JaronK 41 points42 points ago

You should write a guide book on how never to have sex ever!

[–]schrute_buck[S] 178 points179 points ago

You mean you didn't get your free copy when you registered your reddit account?

[–]r93 41 points42 points ago

Well played.

[–]beefstew202 14 points15 points ago

im not having any either!!! at least not for a while.... friggen eggplant emoticon... uggg

[–]lawlolawl144 7 points8 points ago

I just realized your username <3

[–]williemcbride 5 points6 points ago

OOOHHHH!

Burn!

[–]flapjacksontop 3 points4 points ago

[–]IshMrDude 0 points1 point ago

[–]ElementMK 5 points6 points ago

[–]OneWarning13 0 points1 point ago

Just out of curiosity, do you have any context for this picture?

[–]schrute_buck[S] 0 points1 point ago

Nope. My buddy sent me a link to the pic and my brain started turning. So I sent it off to my wife with a subject line of "Thinking of you". I tend to do that a lot, but it's usually like a twilight joke or something. So she opened her mail expecting a cute little joke, and got all of her mortal fears combined into one.

[–]schrute_buck[S] 67 points68 points ago

Because no one beat me to it, I meme'd it.

[–]newb0rn11 10 points11 points ago

Efficient.

[–]Ross_is_Sauce 5 points6 points ago

Good man

[–]GodDanIt 0 points1 point ago

So...why do human eyes creep her out?

[–]zeroair 13 points14 points ago

Good thing you don't enjoy having sex with your wife, at all.

[–]JDoobs 4 points5 points ago

[–]Dazanan 3 points4 points ago

That bee is pretty much demonstrating the definition of "Fuck your shit, man."

[–]johnny_appletits 5 points6 points ago

Soon to be xposted to r/breakups

[–]AlphaWings 4 points5 points ago

Reposted or not, the context the title provided made this awesome.

EDIT: Derpy sentence structure.

[–]uncle_monty 2 points3 points ago

Well, I have never been freaked out by the human eye or by bees. Until now....

[–]elcucuuuy 7 points8 points ago

Props to the model who actually posed for this...I'd be shitting tetris blocks if I had to do this.

[–]yesukai 10 points11 points ago

... you know that's a 'shop, right?

[–]elcucuuuy 13 points14 points ago

How would you react if I said no?

[–]Le_Karma_Whore 2 points3 points ago

[–]SimilarImage 30 points31 points ago

Age User Title Reddit Cmnt Points
2 months McNyrat Nope. [X-Post from pics] /r/WTF 24 108
2 months Ahjema NOPE to the power of NOPE (bee on eye) /r/pics 25 44
4 months angrymonster Fuck everything about this. /r/WTF 136 470

This is an automated response

FAQ | Send Feedback | Report Error

[–]zeerokz 0 points1 point ago

Whoa, I like this. I wanna see this more often in picture posts.

[–]shmarmageddon 10 points11 points ago

I dont think that this is appropriate here. It was a repost or an image with new context.

[–]MSgtGunny 8 points9 points ago

Indeed but it was a bot and it is trying to hide the fact that computers have become intelligent.

[–]thaspaam 2 points3 points ago

Frakking toasters are gonna wipe us all out.

[–]SimilarImage 2 points3 points ago

SimilarImage posts a few times per hour, it seems like a decent rate for now. It also has a website. The front page shows its most recent post.

[–]Exiton_Pi 2 points3 points ago

Oh god i know what the picture would be yet i still clicked the link. Why did I do that, now i can't get it out of my head.

[–]lxxwj 2 points3 points ago

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

my work here is done

[–]secretredfoxx 2 points3 points ago

you are an evil man

[–]Nuclearguitar 3 points4 points ago

I hate to bee "that guy" but eye see a wasp there not bee...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

ctrl f+wasp. Yup. It's a wasp. You can tell by the pointier shape and more pronounced petiole.

[–]Nuclearguitar 0 points1 point ago

I knew it! My Biology degree is finally paying off!

[–]ipunished 5 points6 points ago

the human eye?? eh?

[–]SadApple 7 points8 points ago

Have you ever seen HD images of the iris?

[–]MySonIsCaleb 3 points4 points ago

So, I was a biology major in uni, and when I saw these I got a bit goofy: for some reason I felt like I was being dragged into the center and in my head I cried out, "oh no, I'm falling in. I can't escape" and other such nonsense as I pretended to be a particle of light...

[–]fgben 2 points3 points ago

These photos make my eyes water. What an odd response.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

This is awesome, thank you.

[–]gmxpoppy 1 point2 points ago

I wonder, does the color of a person's iris have any effect on their vision? anyone know?

[–]xxdd21xx 0 points1 point ago

What happened in the last one?

[–]SadApple 0 points1 point ago

That person has coloboma, which is a hole in a part of the eye. This happens during pregnancy when a part of the eye fails to fully develop. This one in particular seems to be a very smooth ellipse looking hole in which the retina is not in prime condition and the person will not be able to see in the lower part of their eye.

[–]V1bration -3 points-2 points ago

Goatse.

[–]Deddan 2 points3 points ago

Probably stuff like touching it, seeing it exposed, etc. Not too uncommon.

[–]schrute_buck[S] 0 points1 point ago

Yep. If she sees some putting in a contact lense she'll close her eyes, look away, and scream.

[–]CaptMayer 0 points1 point ago

The irony is that, if it weren't for the human eye, she wouldn't be able to witness the "horror" of the human eye.

[–]redwings27 1 point2 points ago

This is courage at its finest.

[–]suddenly_ponies 1 point2 points ago

I could send it to my wife for the same reason, but I think that would be a mistake

[–]eagleapex 1 point2 points ago

Nopenope
(via SimilarImage repost bot)

[–]Anonamous_Quinn 1 point2 points ago

I believe I am siding with you wife when I say AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]AHCretin 1 point2 points ago

I don't know what I was expecting, but now I need a 55 gallon drum of brain bleach.

[–]Hansarn 0 points1 point ago

I think I have some leftover somewhere..

..

..Sorry, can't find it. Think I used the rest of it earlier.

[–]Nomakeme 1 point2 points ago

I'm with your wife on the eye thing. For me, it's all animal eyes. I used to be a vet tech and I would always try and bow out of eye repairs and surgeries. Gross!

[–]computadorademausan 1 point2 points ago

So good your wife is not freaked out by photoshop.

[–]hydrogen_wv 1 point2 points ago

I'm with her 100% on the eyes... I'm cool with eyes doing normal eye things, but being poked, prodded, bulging, etc. really disturbs me..

And, cow eyes. I hate cows, purely because of their freaky-ass eyes.

[–]cdcformatc 1 point2 points ago

For some reason I remember this being a metal band's album cover graphic.

[–]Herpinderpitee 1 point2 points ago

RIP Wife.

[–]crayolaxfun 1 point2 points ago

Oww, my eyes just started watering...

[–]The_One_Above_All 1 point2 points ago

No sexy time for you!

[–]peachey2011 1 point2 points ago

guess i will no longer open links in /r/funny with out fear ever again ಠ_ಠ

[–]jesusapproves 1 point2 points ago

Neither of those things freak me out.

But this picture makes me want to light my laptop on fire and then throw it into a volcano just to be sure.

[–]williemcbride 1 point2 points ago

Bees are just big scaredy cats, anyway. Tell her to give 'em a punch in the face, as long as you're not near their hive they leave you alone.

[–]blueskiesandaerosol 1 point2 points ago

Aside for the photoshopped thing, the good news is that this appears to be a honey bee. They generally don't do anything to you unless you piss them off.

[–]AdamSharman 1 point2 points ago

I love how you've been given karma for being an asshole... The internet is a backwards world.

[–]Fritz7325 1 point2 points ago

Shouldn't this be in r/WTF?

[–]chelseaott 1 point2 points ago

the same exact two things freak me out. this freaks me out

[–]flutexgirl 1 point2 points ago

Holy mother fucking scrotum bags

ಠ_ಠ

[–]christoscamaro 1 point2 points ago

You're the best husband ever!

[–]ProfessorImprobable 1 point2 points ago

You're a monster.

[–]mortiphago 1 point2 points ago

The scale is completly wrong, but...

FUCK

THAT

[–]prettyraddude 1 point2 points ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Rohypnol, the photographer's friend.

[–]ficaholic 1 point2 points ago

I just died.

[–]V1bration 1 point2 points ago

...Does she know she has eyes?

[–]jdsizzle1 1 point2 points ago

whats wrong with eyes?

[–]accountnotfound2 1 point2 points ago

I fucking hate bee's. why did I click this. I'm an idiot. I've said it all along.

[–]LordFendleberry 0 points1 point ago

What does bee have that you hate?

[–]accountnotfound2 0 points1 point ago

I was attacked by a swarm when I was 12 or 13. I can't stand them.

[–]LordFendleberry 0 points1 point ago

Well yeah I got stung behind the ear when I was like 6. I was mostly pointing out that you typed "bee's" instead of "bees" because apostrophes are for possession and not plural.

[–]Primoslide 1 point2 points ago

After the initial shock,I found this strangely easy to fap to

[–]Le_Karma_Whore 1 point2 points ago

NOPE

[–]blaten 1 point2 points ago

This kills the marriage.

[–]Connorfry 1 point2 points ago

Thats a tiny bee..

[–]afishinthewell 1 point2 points ago

My girlfriend freaks out about eyes too, but I think her opinion of bees is plain old hatred. I sent her this pic and said "bee kiss." Her response, "that was the meanest thing you've ever done." Why is it so fun to torment the ones we love?

[–]ifixphotos 1 point2 points ago

It's photoshopped. I can tell by the edge pixels.

[–]SwansonHOPS 1 point2 points ago

Why the human eye specifically?

[–]furrymurray2020 1 point2 points ago

"And that kids, is why your mother and I don't live together anymore."

[–]cZaro 1 point2 points ago

My eye burns looking at this

[–]DrSixPack 1 point2 points ago

You colossal asshole. Nice one.

[–]deepfriar 0 points1 point ago

BEES?

[–]DrunkWaffles 0 points1 point ago*

[–]DocCaliban 0 points1 point ago

Worth1000.com I believe.

[–]chrzansm 0 points1 point ago

Someone's not getting any tonight!

[–]__rachelkitten 0 points1 point ago

Am I your wife?

[–]skytro 0 points1 point ago

You are extremely cruel

[–]Sorrowspell 0 points1 point ago

I find it really strange that she hates the human eye. To each their own but I can't even explain hour gorgeous i find the human eye.

[–]earbud 0 points1 point ago

How in the world is this person not blinking?

[–]Jess_than_three 0 points1 point ago

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

Asshole.

[–]PirateMug 0 points1 point ago

My advice to you: Lawyer up and hit the gym.

[–]Polo037 0 points1 point ago

I met this girl at a bar and was chatting her up. Turns out she was afraid of whales and the sound of walking on ice. . . I thought she was bat shit crazy.

[–]SirKaid 0 points1 point ago

...you rat bastard.

[–]zimbabwe7878 0 points1 point ago

hey man, you can't just do that shit cause it's your cake day. the real world doesn't work like that.

[–]agentx4575 0 points1 point ago

Here's an upvote. It's for your username. It's a wonderful username.

[–]GirlWithThePandaHat 0 points1 point ago

Fuck you for getting me to see this. Not funny...not funny at all.

[–]SneakyTikiz 0 points1 point ago

I HAVE CONFRONTED MY DEEPEST FEAR!!!!!

I AM THE BATMAN....

[–]diesnookidie 0 points1 point ago

The eyeball is the groin of the face.

[–]keneke 0 points1 point ago

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

[–]rdogg24601 0 points1 point ago

thats a wasp

[–]LBK2013 0 points1 point ago

yobro. /r/pics

[–]rasta_lion 0 points1 point ago

this should be in r/wtf

[–]roobix 4 points5 points ago

It was. Twice.

[–]fran13r 0 points1 point ago

Just came here to say...NOPE

Also happy cake day, here, take an upvote :)

[–]d0m1n4t0r 0 points1 point ago

Like human eyes can freak someone out, great karma whoring

[–]Bonghat -1 points0 points ago

I don't see why freaking other people out has anything to do with "funny".

[–]yesukai 1 point2 points ago

Are you actually unaware at the entire vast school of humor revolving around other people's misfortune, or are you just being facetious?

[–]Bonghat 1 point2 points ago

Simply facetious, my friend.

[–]Chailis -1 points0 points ago

...That's a wasp.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

Man, I can't stand stupid, circlejerky bullshit like this. Downvoted.

[–]diviave -1 points0 points ago