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all 128 comments

[–]LostSoulsAlliance 108 points109 points ago

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That's the only thing keeping the world from splitting apart.

[–]I_wwebsite 70 points71 points ago

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Duct Tape Engineer here, I can confirm this is accurate

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]expertfapper 16 points17 points ago

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I use it to make elaborate home-made sex toys.

[–]stillalone 15 points16 points ago

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I also use it to rape people.

[–]papaslew 12 points13 points ago

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there is a very fine line between cuddling and holding someone down against their will.

[–]jared030858 5 points6 points ago

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Duct Tape Protestor here.

Actually, I can't say anything bad about duct tape....anything.

[–]Osiris32 4 points5 points ago

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Professional stage hand here: I can.

Duct tape doesn't withstand heat well, leaves a sticky mess when you remove it, is difficult to tear, and is hard to hide.

Gaffer Tape. The way to go.

[–]lazergator 1 point2 points ago

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So much better than duct tape.

[–]brussels4breakfast 1 point2 points ago

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Agree with Gaffer tape. It's the best.

[–]brussels4breakfast 1 point2 points ago

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I can. It seems that duct tape used to be stronger than it is now. The manufacturers must have changed the 'formula'.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ducttapedude 6 points7 points ago

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I am always late to these parties.

[–]Reddickk 5 points6 points ago

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Professional Confirmer here, I can confirm this confirmation.

[–]dlsknows 0 points1 point ago

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Professional Confirmer Confirmer here, I can conform this confirmation of this confirmation

[–]Turtlewithashotgun 1 point2 points ago

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This is my motto, "When is doubt, duct it."

[–]namtkn 4 points5 points ago

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If you can't duct it. Fuck it.

[–]yelir92 41 points42 points ago

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It doesn't fix diarrhea...trust me.

[–]StewieBanana 31 points32 points ago

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Or memories of your stepfather molesting you.

[–]HuRRaCaNe 39 points40 points ago

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Well that turned dark really fast.

[–]Picklwarrior 35 points36 points ago

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That's because the duct tape was over his eyes

[–]AJJihad 2 points3 points ago

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Or my marriage.

[–]TrueAmurrican 10 points11 points ago*

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You just aren't using it right.

[–]Triviaandwordplay 1 point2 points ago

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Or my life.

[–]stillalone 0 points1 point ago

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You're doing it wrong.

[–]tophermeyer -5 points-4 points ago

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[–]TheChosenOne013 6 points7 points ago

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No, no, you use WD-40 for that.

[–]weatherman5000 -2 points-1 points ago

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[–]Damadawf 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know, watching a 'shitty' video like that doesn't exactly take one's mind off of the urge to defecate.

[–]Homeles -5 points-4 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]acetylsalicylicacid 11 points12 points ago

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[–]stillalone 9 points10 points ago

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Remember: if women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

[–]sdoorex 1 point2 points ago

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Quando omni flunkus moritati

[–]timperry42 5 points6 points ago

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That is not duct tape. It is an extremely strong kind of tape used for road repair. It may not look that strong but it will hold the road from further cracking. I wish i had a link but i am sure one of you guys can find one and post it.

[–]thisiswhywehaveants 5 points6 points ago

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Something like this: http://www.veeya.com/27_for_product_detail.html (I'm on phone, just click the ugly link)

[–]NRiviera 0 points1 point ago

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I was pretty sure timperry42 was BS'ing, but then I saw your reply. Impressed.

[–]thisiswhywehaveants 1 point2 points ago

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I have mad google skills.

[–]thisiswhywehaveants 0 points1 point ago

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Phone edit: I a word

[–]Xylth 0 points1 point ago

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So, why do we have ants?

[–]thisiswhywehaveants 0 points1 point ago

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Donuts on the floor.

It's an Archer paraphrase. I suppose a purist might insist it's a misquote but I think my way has a certain je ne sais quois.

[–]raymendx 0 points1 point ago

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How does a road even start to crack? How long does it take? What causes it?

[–]timperry42 1 point2 points ago

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Cold weather usually. When the pavement is exposed to extreme temperatures it contracts and expands. When it contracts too rapidly it can separate from itself causing it to begin to begin to crack. Once it has started it is easy for it to grow every time there is another cold snap.

[–]zgf2022 0 points1 point ago

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Also the earth is constantly shifting very slightly. Things like creep and high water saturation can cause slopes to move very subtly which can crack things like pavement and foundations over time.

[–]Mattisgodly 4 points5 points ago

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Two parts of space and time that should never have touched!

[–]knudow 2 points3 points ago

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Maybe they are those tapes that you put on cracks like those when there are going to be some construction work near the site.

If the tape breaks, that means that the construction work made the crack wider and you can sue them.

[–]dustlesswalnut 0 points1 point ago

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Duct tape would be a bad choice for that, especially on asphalt. The sun would warm the adhesive in duct tape to the point that any shifting around the crack wouldn't cause the tape to break, just slide around.

[–]cool_acid 2 points3 points ago

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Mythbusters would be proud.

[–]scharfca 2 points3 points ago

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wait a second. all i have to do to get karma is put duct tape on the street. kids these days...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]thefluttershytree 3 points4 points ago

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You might want to have a Doctor look at that.

[–]OneCello 1 point2 points ago

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still beats the roads in cleveland....

[–]htr123 1 point2 points ago

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That should do the trick!

[–]thudium 1 point2 points ago

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I bet 100 bucks that this guy did that just to take a picture and score some karma

[–]ducks4lif3 1 point2 points ago

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Damn reposts :p

[–]tommy-linux 1 point2 points ago

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I can't believe no one has posted the "universal duct tape/wd-40 rule" yet:

If it's not supposed to move and it does: duct tape
If it's supposed to move and it doesn't: wd-40

[–]tomdarch 1 point2 points ago

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Duct tape fixes everything....

Except, it turns out, ducts. If you need to seal a ventilation duct, there are much better types of tape.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Well if you can't duct it, fuck it.

[–]iNeedANewPussyWagon 3 points4 points ago

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Duct tape is a religion, you know? It has a bright and a dark side, it holds the world together and everybody knows it.

[–]GeneralWarts 13 points14 points ago

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One Tape to rule them all,

One Tape to find them,

One Tape to bring them all

and in the darkness bind them.

[–]responds_in_verse 10 points11 points ago

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Scotch tape for the children and their little toys
Surgical tape for emergency rooms
Packing tape for moving men and boys
Electrical tape saves you from imminent doom
But duct tape's the stuff that a real man employs.
One Tape to rule them all, One Tape to find them
One Tape to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.
Duct tape's the stuff that a real man employs.

[–]Neurorob12 2 points3 points ago

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Duct Tape Co. just found their new advert campaign.

[–]xeoron 2 points3 points ago*

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Except with UPS. They now refuse to take packages covered with ducktape.

[–]TheAlmightySeabass 1 point2 points ago

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DAMN YOU, PACKAGE BOMBERS!

[–]elcucuuuy 1 point2 points ago

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Why didn't you think of making your new pussy wagon with duct tape?

[–]Joyful_Pilgrim 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Potato3s 0 points1 point ago

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And causes wars.

[–]stillalone 3 points4 points ago

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The duct tape wars were over adhesives. You can't blame the all mighty duct tape for it.

[–]slayericed 3 points4 points ago

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REPOST http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/j64ez/thatll_hold_it_pic/

oh sorry im on reddit...please ignore

[–]focusing -1 points0 points ago

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That's Scott, he's a dick!

[–]haymesj 0 points1 point ago

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saw heaps of these after the earthquake shows how gooda job the new zealand government is doing of fixing shit...

[–]Triviaandwordplay 0 points1 point ago

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I can still point out cracks caused by the 71 Sylmar earthquake in California, although we didn't have near the liquefaction issues Christchurch had.

Nowhere do I recall seeing entire sewage systems float up as happened in the recent New Zealand quake.

[–]Dontslowdown 0 points1 point ago

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My grandfather once duct taped a tree together.

[–]nastyn8g 0 points1 point ago

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Today I used duct tape to remove fiberglass imbedded in my arm. AMA.

[–]bcarp254 0 points1 point ago

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That's a great way to make a point if its a situation where the township refuses to fix it

[–]GingerDayWalker 0 points1 point ago

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When it doubt. Duck It!!

[–]Walter_Solchak 0 points1 point ago

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Here in Florida we just call is Georgia chrome

[–]Zuxicovp 0 points1 point ago

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It doesn't fix silicone items.

[–]bendtherules 0 points1 point ago

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[–]snorelaxgc 0 points1 point ago

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Two words: Epic and Winning

[–]cheese8904 0 points1 point ago

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Duct tape hasn't fix my depression...sigh

[–]Quellor[S] 1 point2 points ago

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I bet you haven't even tried. :)

[–]tattlerat 0 points1 point ago

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It appears they learned a thing or two from Red Green.

[–]ella101 0 points1 point ago

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this is what my babysitter did - Duct tape +baby

[–]svtracerd 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you for not calling it "duck tape." Enjoy your upvote.

[–]CrackpotGonzo 0 points1 point ago

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Wait, would this work? How about potholes?

[–]kobimus 0 points1 point ago

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If she doesn't find ya handsome, at least she'll find ya handy

[–]mikesguitar 0 points1 point ago

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If you can't duck it, fuck it.

[–]appleshampoo22 0 points1 point ago

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I confessed my love to a girl, but she did not feel the same. Duct tape fixed that, too.

[–]TrueAmurrican 0 points1 point ago

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Everything but air ducts...

[–]WhimsyGirly 0 points1 point ago

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My dad literally fixes everything with duct tape. The handle to my parents microwave fell off in like 1998 it was taped on for approx. ten years, it was super annoying because if you opened the microwave and pulled too hard it would fall off. I was so happy when he broke down and bought a new microwave :)

[–]DirtyMegabyte 0 points1 point ago

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The city of Montreal should do this

[–]loogielv 0 points1 point ago

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If you can't fix it with duct tape...it's broke.

[–]PushThatFatKid 0 points1 point ago

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Ant bridges.

[–]LazzKnuckle 0 points1 point ago

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Tax dollars hard at work

[–]TheLittleSwallow 0 points1 point ago

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Oh so THAT'S how we've kept California attached for so long...

[–]olaftheviking 0 points1 point ago

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Second.

[–]Rezpanda 0 points1 point ago

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If you Can't duck it Fuck it

[–]sgvprelude 0 points1 point ago

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Best use of duct tape ever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOQ_yblL_9g

[–]DudeMan18 0 points1 point ago

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Forget Duct Tape... Need to move up to gaffers tape.. Just as awesome a hold with no residue

[–]maxplott 0 points1 point ago

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If duct tape can't fix it, it's time for a new one

[–]Gurkhali 0 points1 point ago

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Dad?

[–]Space_Gandalf_The_3r 0 points1 point ago

You're just not using enough duct tape.

[–]austin713 -2 points-1 points ago

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OP walks outside, sees crack, puts duct tape on it, takes picture, submits to reddit.

Reaps Karma.

[–]clusterfluffmyballs 4 points5 points ago

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OP walks outside

That should be enough to reap karma. He went above and beyond.

[–]SaintZvlkx 4 points5 points ago

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OP finds image online, reposts to Reddit

Fixed that for ya.

[–]AREYOUSauRuS 1 point2 points ago

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OP finds image on Reddit, reposts

FTFY

[–]AriBBCP 4 points5 points ago

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some people like to be funny instead of waiting others to do it for them

[–]Loo-Gi-Oh 0 points1 point ago

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TIL it isn't called Duck Tape...

[–]afcagroo 1 point2 points ago

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Duck Tape is actually a brand of duct tape. I LOL'd the first time I saw it.

When you thought that "Duck Tape" was the generic name....how did you imagine it came to be called that? Did you think that a lot of people have issues with inter-duck adhesion?

[–]Khaibit 4 points5 points ago

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Actually...

One theory posits that it WAS called "duck tape" originally, just not referring to birds. The type of canvas that used to be used in military tents was called "cotton duck" or just "duck"; the tape was originally used in the military and initially was a strip of duck backed with adhesive. It was used to seal ammo cases against water as well as effecting field repairs of tents, weapons, etc.

[–]TrueAmurrican 1 point2 points ago

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Actually... It is my understanding it was created for the sole purpose of repairing broken air ducts. But the heat from the air ducts fucked up the duct tape so that it has become the one thing it is not used for.

[–]Khaibit 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty much every source I've read disagrees with that. In fact, Lawrence Berkeley National Labs specifically found that duct tape is just about the worst thing you could use for sealing heating ducts, and in many states it's a violation of building codes to do so. There's even UL classifications for tapes suitable for sealing ducts, and duct tape is definitely not on that list.

To be fair though, there are a number of aluminum and other metallized tapes that are used for sealing ducts that are often referred to as "duct tape" in the industry; they are not the same thing however.

[–]TrueAmurrican 1 point2 points ago*

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Isnt that what I said? It does NOT work on air ducts but in some made for TV documentary style whatever I saw, it was said that sealing air ducts was it's intention as it was developed. But it didn't work. So it is no longer it's intended use.

Edit: in fact, I think it was a special on the lawrence Berkeley study that you mentioned.

[–]Khaibit 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, but you also said that it was created for doing that exact thing (that it's terrible at); as I said, pretty much every source I've read completely disagrees with that, and tend to agree that it was originally created for military use (or at least, the military were the first to use it in any significant quantity).

[–]TrueAmurrican 0 points1 point ago

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Time to hit up google I guess, see you in a while.

[–]afcagroo 0 points1 point ago

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IDNKT. Thanks.

It kind of makes sense, since one of the things I've found the stuff to be really sucky at is actually taping ductwork.

[–]FoxyGrampa 0 points1 point ago

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I'm so glad you didn't spell it "duck tape"

[–]Vanscottrick -1 points0 points ago

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The brand is 'Duck Tape'...

[–]15rthughes 0 points1 point ago

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This is considered funny?

[–]Snapperfish5 -1 points0 points ago

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Infrastructure Maintenance Level: U.S Government

[–]Triviaandwordplay 0 points1 point ago

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Where in the world does asphalt and concrete not crack due to expansion and contraction, earthquakes, or other natural geological phenomena?

[–]acesoron -1 points0 points ago

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Nah, its the State Government level. National Government level would just waste time and money on blaming each other until everyone stopped caring.

[–]blickblocks -4 points-3 points ago

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It's duck tape, not duct tape.

[–]SnaggleDragon 1 point2 points ago

Duck tape is not all it's Quacked up to be?

[–]TheTragicReturn 1 point2 points ago

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False. Duck is a brand that makes duct tape.

[–]blickblocks 0 points1 point ago

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Before it was a trademarked Henkel brand it was still duck tape. It was made for the army to use in sometimes moist environments, which is why it is waterproof. It is not used in ducting.

[–]PoonSaloon -1 points0 points ago

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Except a fat woman's ass!

[–]lazergator -1 points0 points ago

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Upvote for spelling it right.

[–]blutoots -2 points-1 points ago

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can it fix fault lines too? or plummer cracks? or what about religion?

[–]tapefixesall -1 points0 points ago

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I'm so glad people agree with me.