this post was submitted on
1,348 points (51% like it)
20,328 up votes 18,980 down votes

funny

subscribe2,331,805 readers

16,276 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]sachegrande 1408 points1409 points ago

2/10 would not sit.

[–]destroyosaurusrex 932 points933 points ago

Pillows or GTFO

[–]letsRACEturtles 951 points952 points ago

First time posting, so[f]a, be gentle

[–]Stiggy1605 495 points496 points ago

Surely that would be:

Fir[S]t time posting, be gentle

?

[–]the_red_phone 510 points511 points ago

First time posting, sofa king nervou[S],

[–]REDDITvTIDDER 155 points156 points ago

I hope reddit likes [C]urves.

[–]snailwithmonocle 69 points70 points ago

I so want to sit on you. Do you take requests?

[–]CarSalesman 37 points38 points ago

I want to see those pillows moved around.

[–]REDDITvTIDDER 119 points120 points ago

I'm shy, I'm only showing you my [C]rack.

[–]Gonzo89 61 points62 points ago

Dat Suede...

[–]pieguyfly 42 points43 points ago

NSFW!!! SHIT...I'M GOING TO GET FIRED

[–]Archammer 25 points26 points ago

Fake! these are clearly two different sofas

OP is a phony

[–]letsRACEturtles 257 points258 points ago

it's actually a pre-op futon

[–]x30Jx 35 points36 points ago

I lol'd.

[–]letsRACEturtles 49 points50 points ago

yay! i usually can't tell if my jokes are too subtle or just bad

[–]Reduc 71 points72 points ago

Your jokes are subtle and you should feel subtle!

[–]blackkevinDUNK 71 points72 points ago

all this talking of subtle makes it sound weird in my head now

suddle

sut el

subptle

how the fuck do i english

[–]RandyMFromSP 17 points18 points ago

Not that subtle...

[–]iamesauce 363 points364 points ago

Sits or gtfo.

[–]Randamba 216 points217 points ago

Sits or STFU. (Stand The F*** Up)

[–]sgt2525 188 points189 points ago

Cursing is allowed here, it's quite alright

[–]Ikimasen 61 points62 points ago

Is it required?

[–]Madonkadonk 126 points127 points ago

NO, ITS NOT FUCKING REQUIRED!

[–]Megapigeon 15 points16 points ago*

[–]sgt2525 60 points61 points ago

Yes, yes it is

Edit: Fuck

[–]JamoJustReddit 197 points198 points ago

I actually have that couch! 10/10, Would sit again.

[–]I_SOLVE_MATH 351 points352 points ago

= 1

[–]POSTS_GIFS 174 points175 points ago*

[–]ObiWanQuotes 147 points148 points ago

These aren't the novelty accounts you're looking for.

[–]blackkevinDUNK 75 points76 points ago

weirdest thing on reddit is when novelties meet

its like theyre all the same person

[–]MisterASCII 145 points146 points ago

    ___.--------'``````:``````'--------.___
   (   |               :               |   )
    \ ,;,,,            :               |  /
     |\%%%%\___________:__________/~~~~~/|
    / ,\%%%%\          |         / @*@ /, \
   /_ / `````          |         ~~~~~~ \ _\
  (@l)                 |                 (@l)
   ||__________________|__________________||
   ||_____________________________________||
  /_|_____________________________________|_\ ldb

[–]excited_by_typos 16 points17 points ago

I looked and looked, and this checks out. Good work.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

conspiracykeanu.jpg

[–]AgreesWithIdiots 6 points7 points ago

I agree.

[–]Ari412 74 points75 points ago

Doesn't matter;had seat

[–]lnenad 45 points46 points ago

I kinda like the carpet and would like to see more of it.

[–]I_SOLVE_MATH 164 points165 points ago

= 0.2

[–]Cheeseyx 43 points44 points ago

sqrt(epi*x)=x, x=?

[–]phoboid 37 points38 points ago

sqrt(epi*i ) = sqrt(-1) = i => x=i.

[–]Cheeseyx 22 points23 points ago

Correct!

[–]DogiojoeXZ 38 points39 points ago

wat

[–]ThatsSciencetastic 6 points7 points ago

Maths, that's what.

[–]Bassmasta79 46 points47 points ago

sqrt(epi*x ) of course

[–]GoldenBears 18 points19 points ago

NO REAL SOLUTION. WOLFRAM|ALPHA'S ON THAT SHIT, BITCH.

[–]BordomBeThyName 19 points20 points ago

FALSE. IMAGINARY PLANE, BITCH.

[–]GoldenBears 31 points32 points ago

Technically, that's not a real solution. But yes, there are solutions.

[–]BordomBeThyName 14 points15 points ago

Oh, I skipped over the word "real" in your post. My bad.

I got excited from all the capslock.

[–]olafurw 15 points16 points ago

5/0

[–]dantesEdge- 16 points17 points ago

= ... fuck you

[–]divinesleeper 899 points900 points ago

Why is she naked in the last picture?! NSFW man. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Scarbane 389 points390 points ago*

It's THE casting couch.

[–]GobstopperHand 93 points94 points ago

I'm not sure how I feel when I looked at the couch and thought "That's not the real casting couch"

[–]palpablescalpel 319 points320 points ago

Nah, man. The idea is that her skin is so leathery she becomes the couch.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]jakethesnake_ 13 points14 points ago

God damn it you made me laugh at that bloody couch in front of my girlfriend!!

[–]Scarbane 201 points202 points ago

Hence why Casting Couch is always a subtle threesome.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

"Take a seat... Mmmyeah that's it. Why don't you get comfortable?"

[–]Khiva 40 points41 points ago

OH I GET IT NOW

[–]YvesSch 18 points19 points ago

Welcome to the irony and general humor impaired club.

[–]YouListening 2 points3 points ago

It would be really ironic if Alanis Morisette showed up because she thinks she knows what irony is.

[–]finallymadeanaccount 2 points3 points ago

Joke Explainer?

[–]Otaku-sama 69 points70 points ago

I thought the empty couch meant she died. Then I read the comments. I sure do have some negative thoughts.

[–]kaede1s 63 points64 points ago

[–]CantChangeEverything 21 points22 points ago

She really needs to start stretching those hipflexors and quads and start strengthening those glutes, abdominals, and hamstrings.

[–]BobTheSCV 17 points18 points ago

I have this problem. How do I do these things?

[–]ImAllowedToSayFuck 16 points17 points ago

read the /r/fitness FAQ

[–]turinturambar81 2 points3 points ago

Squatz and Oatz, brah

[–]aishataj 10 points11 points ago

Every redditor just straightened their posture after looking at that pic.

[–]BrendanAS 5 points6 points ago

This is what my life is. I walk around and think, "Anterior pelvic tilt, hyperlordotic, hyperkyphotic, anterior head shift, lateral rotation of the femur relative to the pelvis." And I think "You'd be so much prettier if you'd stand properly" then I start thinking about the psycho-emotional aspects of those positions and realize how much work is to be done.

[–][deleted] 688 points689 points ago*

This will be buried, but I actually made this back in 2009 (couch has been added since I guess) and posted it on /b/. None of those dates are fact as far as I know, I just made made them up from how they look. If you look at 2005/2006 the girl to her side has the same nailpolish on so the two photos could have been taken days apart.

The only proof I have is her Myspace.

Edit: A shot of her myspace http://i.imgur.com/LX2VT.png

[–]title_reposter 128 points129 points ago

This has been on reddit a good 30 times since too.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

I've seen it around the web a few times and twice on Reddit since I've joined.

[–]finallymadeanaccount 14 points15 points ago

I can tell from having seen quite a few reposts in my time.

[–]lilstumpz 52 points53 points ago

  • Duckface

  • Fake tan

  • Dyed, blonde hair

  • Hand on her hips, twisting her body

  • Skimpy outfits 24/7

[–]trixter192 11 points12 points ago

couch ✓

[–]saintdaniel 230 points231 points ago

Damn I just want to sit on her face

[–]Se7en_Sinner 171 points172 points ago

I would even leather sit on mine.

[–]Wordwench 63 points64 points ago

Sofa, so good.

[–]robbykooch 61 points62 points ago

Sofa king good.

[–]slim2n0ne 49 points50 points ago

I wasn't going to but then my friend said you really ottoman.

[–]LeSouthAfricanSpy 119 points120 points ago

Did she just switch races?

[–]njhCasper 188 points189 points ago

Once you go Protoss, you never go back.

[–]hoddap 26 points27 points ago

she ruined my Artosis pylon

[–]longrodq 2 points3 points ago

NOOOOOOOOOO PYLO

[–]PaplooTheEwok 15 points16 points ago

Reminds me of the odd Japanese fashion trend called ganguro. Except this example is actually worse.

[–]brickstein 80 points81 points ago

[–]blondentropy 10 points11 points ago

Feed me, Seymour!

[–]rhiever 478 points479 points ago

Seriously, what happened between 2006 and 2007? College? She was so beautiful in '06, then in '07 she donned the traditional skank look.

[–]gordofrog 570 points571 points ago

She lost a fight with a tanning booth

[–]godin_sdxt 577 points578 points ago

[–]Supaah 93 points94 points ago

How long have you waited to use this....?

[–]DICK_BREAKER 27 points28 points ago

this, i believe was posted somewhere yesterday. so probably less than 24 hours. this one is slightly longer than the one i saw though, so still upvoting.

[–]doctornick92 200 points201 points ago

I think the more disturbing thing to consider is, why does the tanning salon have video cameras in the rooms?

[–]goal2004 461 points462 points ago

Because this is obviously real and not at all fake.

[–]ABabyAteMyDingo 109 points110 points ago

It's actually from an anti-cancer advertising campaign, from Finland if I recall. Just did quick Google but didn't find it. The punchline is something like "see, we told you tanning was dangerous". There are other ads also.

[–]blowcarrot 86 points87 points ago

[–]knightofmars 4 points5 points ago

oh my, the crispy bit is too good.

[–]compaq007 12 points13 points ago

From Finland if I recall

You remember wrong. It's a Danish anti-cancer campaign featuring Mascha Vang.

[–]selfishershellfish 9 points10 points ago

pretty close really

[–]BSchoolBro 48 points49 points ago

And it happens when she is about to take off her bra...

[–]Mentalseppuku 28 points29 points ago

As someone who used to work in a place that had tanning booths (it was a video rental store with 3 beds, weird as shit), those videos would be scarring to watch.

The number of old, nasty, leathery, overweight people tanning naked on those beds far, far, far outweighed the number of attractive individuals. Even then, you'd just watch them laying there, and you'd be reminded of what nasty fluids they might be laying in (I wouldn't trust those sprays, seeing what I've seen)

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

lol outweighed...

[–]devoting_my_time 20 points21 points ago

Because it's a danish commercial against tanning rooms featuring Mascha vang. Clicky

[–]thisisaspace 13 points14 points ago

Do you really have to wonder?

[–]TheFedUp99 10 points11 points ago

Security... from terrorists. Why else?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

Wtf...

[–]IAteAllTheTwix 19 points20 points ago

If anybody wants some context on this gif:

It's a danish model called Mascha Vang, this is an advert for people to stop going to tanning beds.

A longer version of the video can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppHSZb9DjBg

The text in the ending is translated to "The solarium can cost you your life. Turn it off".

[–]Bilibond 24 points25 points ago

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

I figure it's a lot like anorexia. She gets a light tan, and everybody comments on how nice it makes her look. Clearly, she must tan herself more. She gets more nice comments, and tans herself ever darker. Eventually people don't like it anymore, and she "realizes" it must be because she is not tan enough! And just like that, you've got some kind of tanning disorder.

[–]rgeguypic 25 points26 points ago

"I don't need a timer, I'll just close my eyes for 5 minutes and .." ..zzz ZZZ zzz ZZZ

[–]shadowdude777 40 points41 points ago

[–]letsRACEturtles 20 points21 points ago

to be fair, that tanning booth plays dirty

[–]moofdivr 28 points29 points ago

She also doesn't look a day older than like 15 in 06'.

[–]Veradux21 18 points19 points ago

she evolved into an oompa loompa

[–]hoobsher 80 points81 points ago*

i resent the fact assumption that college makes girls into skanks. it just makes skanks into bigger skanks.

edit: it's what i actually meant in the first place, apologies for that one.

[–]bebesee 8 points9 points ago

Do you mean assumption?

[–]koslosken 36 points37 points ago

You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

[–]yellowpride 52 points53 points ago

keep

You used that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

[–]logicalrationaltruth 19 points20 points ago

A fortified tower built within castles during the Middle Ages by European nobility?

[–]FartingBob 11 points12 points ago

Do you resent it?

[–]Toastied 13 points14 points ago

I saw this picture in another title before: What New Jersey does to a girl (or somewhere along that line)

[–]Roik 4 points5 points ago

Looks like a bad case of revitiligo to me.

[–]streem84 2 points3 points ago

So beautiful? I mean she looks like a normal cute 14 year-old.

[–]cakes1todough1 2 points3 points ago

tanarexia...

[–]pizzaolives 98 points99 points ago

[–]reconcilable 117 points118 points ago

"I'll be posting a new morph video every week so make sure you subscribe. Coming very soon... Kim Kardashian's Ass Morph!"

I, for one, am quite excited.

[–]prmaster23 2 points3 points ago

subscribe

[–]sqq 31 points32 points ago

She is really cute from around 16 in that series, untill the last few seconds, what the fuck happened :(

[–]dunezone 37 points38 points ago

Money, Drugs, and Alcohol. A dangerous scenario when you turn 18 and have a lot of money while also having no role models. Her mother is crazy, her father is a deadbeat. The people she kept around herself were not her friends but free loaders. By the time the law caught up to her she didn't understand that her actions have consequences.

It appears she is turning herself around and picking up the pieces but she needs to keep a quiet lifestyle. The paparazzi is after her and she had several attempts at what I would call blackmail being pushed on her so far.

[–]LegoMyGrego 74 points75 points ago

cocaines a hell of a drug.

[–]Grimms 32 points33 points ago

I am genetically designed to upvote every good use of a Chappelle reference.

[–]FuLLMeTaL604 18 points19 points ago

So you are the first genetically engineered human being. It begins.

[–]iamlew 10 points11 points ago

Wow somewhere towards the end there is some serious Angelina Jolie resemblance during the morphing. It's right when her lips get plump (injections I presume?).

[–]entersimon 5 points6 points ago

Started off a little weird, just because of how it's presented. Then it turned into concern, and then into a sick feeling in my gut. WhyLindsayWhy?

[–]badphish94 18 points19 points ago*

Next time I'm talking to somebody tripping on acid or shrooms, I'm showing them this video. Tears will be shed.

Edit/Clarification: I'm talking about giving them a bad trip. I know psychedelics don't do this to people. You kids get too defensive when you misread a comment.

[–]MylesofTexas 4 points5 points ago

Wow what a trip-killer :/

[–]Faceburn 8 points9 points ago

Acid and shrooms doesn't do that, cocaine and heroine does.

[–]cynicallady 17 points18 points ago

How can anyone think that dark orange/brown fake tan is a good look.

[–]NowNowGuys 88 points89 points ago

Self-consciousness diminishes beauty.

[–]letsRACEturtles 41 points42 points ago

so all along, Nietzsche was saying "there is no god, turn into a couch"

[–]notmyrealname17 185 points186 points ago

AMA Request: Heterosexual male who is actually attracted to over-tanned, orange bimbos or as I call the "oompa loompas."

[–][deleted] 87 points88 points ago

You can only make AMA requests for people that really exist.

[–]corinmcblide 76 points77 points ago

but... but... but... they do exist!

[–]Megabobster 120 points121 points ago

Those are not people.

[–]Xiphoid_Process 2 points3 points ago

How about these, then? (Warning: NSFL)

[–]Curtisbeef 14 points15 points ago

The 3rd guy has that "I don't know what to do with my hands." look.

[–]10BIT 34 points35 points ago

Are you sure they're heterosexual?

[–]lolzbasket 5 points6 points ago

I'm a little bit sad I knew exactly what that was going to be

[–]SoggyFrenchFry 10 points11 points ago

AMA request: anyone from Jersey Shore

[–]biohazardvictim 13 points14 points ago

Reddit's layout will be too confusing for their pea brains

[–]UnitedTilIDie 6 points7 points ago

They layout would be confusing? I think they would struggle with reading a complete sentence.

[–]biohazardvictim 122 points123 points ago

I'm surprised she's not putting on a duck face

[–]cryogenisis 47 points48 points ago

Frog face is the new duck face.

[–]pulp_before_sunrise 21 points22 points ago

i regret seeing this but still upvote

[–]salty_john 45 points46 points ago

Fuck yo couch

[–]donashcroft 38 points39 points ago

from cute to sofa, what a shame

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points ago

sofa king cute.

[–]POSTS_GIFS 44 points45 points ago

[–]FindsTheBrightSide 24 points25 points ago

She looks way better in the last photo than in 2009.

[–]dgbosley 11 points12 points ago

If I ever need to make a leather wallet I know where to get the materials.

[–]IcySeal 20 points21 points ago

your local middle school?

[–]Snuffz 19 points20 points ago

Most horrifying mental picture of dgbosley skinning fake tan girls in the middle of a school yard.

What. The. Fuck. Brain. ಥ_ಥ

[–]dancethehora 2 points3 points ago

It puts the lotion on the skin...

[–]AgreesWithIdiots 2 points3 points ago

I felt a stir in my pants.

[–]1622 42 points43 points ago

I find pale skinned girls far more attractive than tan girls

[–]RobotFolkSinger 78 points79 points ago

Guys. It's not a casting couch. The point is that she gets more leathery and tanned every year and eventually becomes a leather sofa. If it was a casting couch, there would be no point in posting those images to emphasize her change in skin color.

[–]vandal823 49 points50 points ago

I'm having trouble grasping that anyone couldn't have understood the sequence's meaning..

[–]Kelvara 7 points8 points ago

I suspect someone will be posting a retarded "FIXED!" image using the casting couch though.

[–]nancylikestoreddit 20 points21 points ago

I've never understood why white people tan like this. What are they trying to do?

[–]alphaxistephie 8 points9 points ago

Um... She has the same background for '07 and '09 interesting what people keep in their rooms.

[–]RUFFLZ 18 points19 points ago

i see the carpets dont match the drapes

[–]corinmcblide 3 points4 points ago

there aren't any dra.... aaah i see what you did there.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

Weird, Indians want to be white, and white people want to be Indian.

[–]HeyHaiHello 7 points8 points ago

They said I could be anything, so I became a couch.

[–]Kalmah666 68 points69 points ago

[–]jezebellion 66 points67 points ago

Produce ALL THE MELANINS

[–]MasonNowa 5 points6 points ago

The fuck 2007?!

[–]yellowpride 5 points6 points ago

"They said I could be anything, so I became a couch!"

[–]munnyfish 21 points22 points ago

A lot can happen within 3 years.

Maybe she got really fat and was like fuck it, I'm gonna be a couch.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

seems mostly between 2006 and 2007

[–]kalkent 5 points6 points ago

Ed Gein would be proud of the craftsmanship.

[–]Emitime 16 points17 points ago

I find the hand-on-waist-head-tilt pose the worst part about her change. It's really quite irrational, but I absolutely hate it.

[–]ThaRedAce 12 points13 points ago

Standard teenage white girl pose, nothing new.

[–]bahonja 5 points6 points ago

Holy shit, talk about skin cancer ...

[–]GlowWormy 3 points4 points ago

Something happened in 2007

[–]Benay21 7 points8 points ago

At first I thought the couch somehow meant she was dead, like "here is the couch she no longer sits on."

[–]reconcilable 19 points20 points ago

Damn, I was thinking this was somehow related to Casting Couch and was confused to why nobody was acting for the source.

[–]De_Angelo 3 points4 points ago

I would act all over the set for that source.

[–]wutsaemmy 3 points4 points ago

God damn. I didn't look at the subreddit and then I got kind of sad when I saw the empty couch because I thought she had died of skin cancer. 5 seconds later, I laughed.

[–]HappyBirthmus 2 points3 points ago

I thought this was about a girl that was growing up until she committed suicide, indicated by the vacant couch... then I saw that this was posted in /r/funny and lold

[–]Jeep_Brah 3 points4 points ago

They told me I could be anything I wanted…so I became a couch.

[–]neuromonkey 5 points6 points ago

She's not just ugly, she's Sofa King ugly.

[–]genius_ 6 points7 points ago

[–]mike3303 4 points5 points ago

SOFA BROWN IS PEOPLE!!!

[–]johnw1988 4 points5 points ago

She was cute from 2004-2006. The other three photographs she looks like a negative photograph. What the fuck is with this tanning obsession. Pale is so much better.

[–]watersack 2 points3 points ago

She needs to get that hand surgically removed from her hip, that could be an issue when she is serving drinks at hooters in 2 years time

[–]tbar2themax 2 points3 points ago

She's dark and her skin is like leather. I see what you did there.

[–]Jnoggynog 2 points3 points ago

... She turned into a Couch?

[–]Dummie 2 points3 points ago

I COULDN'T TELL IF SHE TURNED INTO THE COUCH OR SHE WAS DIED.