Ex-girlfriend

MustardGas_and_Roses · 4 months

My ex girlfriend had an arrangement where we were in an open relationship, but she just never told me about it

myhandsarebananas · 4 months

Even his boyfriend thinks he's gay.

paperlantern · 4 months

This is just a "Quote Bo" thread.

PUREMOOSE · 4 months

And I can't grow a beard. That ones not ironic that ones just sad.

surely-you-jest · 4 months

Take off your bras and burn'em

Or you can let me burn'em

Take off your bras and burn'em

Or you can let Bo Burnham burn'em

Trufaunt · 4 months

Coke and Pepsi are like dicks and vaginas. I strongly prefer one, but my dad thinks they taste the same.

theLeica · 4 months

You know, I have't had this bad-ex experience. All my ex girlfriends are lovely. True, a couple of them are full of hot air, but they're great listeners.

Idontbelong_here · 4 months

I've got a safe full of cherries cause i pop em and lock em

USxMARINE · 4 months

One of the funniest act's I have ever seen in comedy

Pedro2154 · 4 months

source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnirraEfLIc edit: he re-uses some of his jokes so this joke could be found in different videos

theLightweight · 4 months

what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch?

DFTBA-er · 4 months

My drug is attention, I am an addict, and i get paid to indulge in my habit! im wearing makeup, IM WEARING MAKEUPMAKEUP!

Physicsdummy · 4 months

Honestly the best part of that special is when he waits 'till the theatre is dead quiet and then shouts "what the fuck?" and a bouquet flies out of his sleeve. It's so random.

I've always been trying to did a clip of it but never could.

Ancients · 4 months

Just so people know he IS a redditor and has done and AMA.

/user/comedybronzemine is his non-lurker account.

sox5s · 4 months

The greatest moment on Reddit ever

A_wild_fusa_appeared · 4 months

They say you should look at girls mother if you want to know what she will look like. In so glad I broke up with that, he would have been.......dead.

paakjis · 4 months

If someone doesn't understand what is going on in the comments , this guy is a stand up comic a prodigy. http://boburnham.com/video.html his youtube http://www.youtube.com/user/boburnham

demonthenese · 4 months

im actually quitting the internet for today after that. It's not going to get any better than that. Thanks Bo, now i can go live my life.

Fealiks · 4 months

If you don't have this album, get it now. It's called "Words Words Words" by Bo Burnham, and it's fucking excellent.

Thegagickle · 4 months

I walked into a women's bathroom and saw a trash can labeled "for sanitary napkins" Ladies, don't put all your eggs in one basket

[deleted] · 4 months

Oh man, I love Bob Urnham!

jggm2009 · 4 months

That's not very original.

theyseemebowlin · 4 months

RRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lurkerbear · 4 months

Who is this?

thehonz · 4 months

Upvote for actually quoting it with source material and not claiming it as your own like everyone else.

cericsage · 4 months

Haha, I remember watching this stand up but I cant remember his name. Anybody wanna help out so I can spend the next few hours laughing on youtube??

friendlyhumanist · 4 months

...Are you Paul Giamatti?

Scrubtac · 4 months

I'm still on to you, Paul.

adamdavidson · 4 months

Oh, Bo.

opex14 · 4 months

Supposedly he's working with Judd Apatow on a High School Musical-like project. That could be really good.

chloroformdyas · 4 months

"i don't have a girlfriend, i just know a girl who'd be really angry if she heard me say that" - MH (RIP)

garthock · 4 months

My wife likes to do that once a month.

DoctorPimpslap · 4 months

For your grand repost I allot you 1 downvote.

Oukester · 4 months

Bo Burnham is a hero

JerichoMaxim · 4 months

I laughed at this more than I probably should have.

Roflmoo · 4 months

This joke, in one form or another, is posted almost every day, and still gets at least 1000 karma every time. I'm going to try this tomorrow.

silentkill144 · 4 months

This guy went to my school, and graduated a year before me.

Chailis · 4 months

Love Bo Burnham so much :)

Qwoppar · 4 months

Whatever happened to Bo Burnham?

ZenStoner · 4 months

this guy's funny. But he's fucking annoying. Not standup, Theatric bullshit.

cody_au · 4 months

It's not cool to date girls then bag them out afterwards. All of my ex's were great, I don't know why everyone else has such big problems. (I get that it's comedy and stretches the truth, but it still irritates me).

It's like scumbag stacy dating a drug dealer then a few years later being like, "Oh we broke up. He kept bringing druggies over to our house!" Etc.

NerdyChris · 4 months

[deleted]

[deleted] · 4 months

Ahahahhaha I love Bo Burnham

MaddyWasHere · 4 months

Bo Burnham! :D I love him!

Inquisitive_Ender · 4 months

Oh Bo...

Taco4all · 4 months

Love Bo Burnham!

ClearlyDoesntGetIt · 4 months

Is Bo not going to comment this time?

AwesomeSocks · 4 months

All the single ladies say 'ohhh bo'

DamOnalbArNunicorN · 4 months

ndjsjsjsjdndksk

BigJAmes98 · 4 months

lmao !

MrPeterIt · 4 months

I think my mom is in to the same thing...

Siempre818 · 4 months

No but ham for the win... I love his stand up comedy. I've memorized most of his songs too :)

elitexero · 4 months

I remember hearing this in a stand up special filmed in the late 90's. Bo Burnham stole this joke.

I think this is a Stuart Francis joke come to think of it. The exact wording, using fetish specifically.

Franholio · 4 months

Paul Giamatti sighting! I loved you as a giant blue douche.

mynameisdumb · 4 months

[deleted]

Lhabs · 4 months

Now I don't know if all boy scouts are gays But they could probably "tie the knot" in like fifty different ways... I got a safe full o' cherries, cause I pop it and lock it, A girl's like a fridge, once a week you should stock it, And girl, if your into a rimmin it's only safe if your swimming, And girl don't sit on the couch cause I treat my objects like women. I spit fire like I just blew a demon My shits so hot I leave your toilet bowl steamin I'm gonna tarot like the cards of the gypsies You'll bleed for so long you'll get monthly ellipses. If your pants are loose, I'll re-pleat ya. You're a first time veagan and it's nice to meet ya

I'm bo yo I'm the greatest rappa eva And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not Think your better your not Don't need a sweater I'm hot I'm a real G shawty that can really find your g spot Whoa yeah!

What the hell's a g spot?

Go to a Vagina orchard, count 1, 2, 3 Spin that plant around you got a third whirled CUNT-try.(Third world country.) That's right, consider yourself warned I'm offensive and creative like handicapped porn Your playing with your breasts, excuse me, can I try it ma'am? Your pushin em together like a titty Venn Diagram Look at that CRACK excuse me can I buy a gram? Right below your diaphram, ass looks like your hidin ham.

First base, were making out Second base, I'm getting faked out. Third base, I'm getting take out And I'd try to take it home if I knew I'd take it out But I just don't know I said I just don't care I said My flos so cold I need a tampon from a polar bear And you can spell and smell my stink B.O. lingers and it makes you think [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bo_burnham/im_bo_yo.html ] Cause I'm bo yo And I'm the greatest rappa eva And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not Think your better your not Don't need a sweater I'm hot And I'm a real G shawty that can really find your G spot Whoa Yeah! Provided that you point me in the general direction

Yo, Cause girls are like donuts when I be bustin bo nuts, I can make em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze I'm like doug's friend Skeeter whenever I meet her. Casue I skeet her so hard people call her Patty Mayonnaise.

Yo!

I'm blowin up like I thought I would I'm circumsized because I don't cum from the hood. My girl's epyletic cause she's the one I'm jerkin with Come on you asian child laborer show me what your workin with OOOh large machinery

Cause there's an inverse relationship between respect and sex I'm talking bout religious sex like a mormon sect That says you can't have sex with members of different sects, but you can't Have sex with members of the same sex So if the sects can't be different, the sex can't be same, then the only sex Left is some left hand shame And girl I left you cause you left the game and if that don't feel right then you can write my name

Cause I'm bo yo I'm the greatest rappa eva And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not Think your better your not Don't need a sweater I'm hot I'm a real G, That can really find your G-spot Whoa, yeah! But I'm inadequete, have I gotten that point across yet?

Yo, my junks so long that it hangs and swings, so at the nude baech people Think I'm lookin for lost rings Play the skin flute Your big boy sings and if you want to take it all wear African neck rings.

Haters call me gay, but that aint hatin Cause I'm not homophobic, my morals are straight and If I'm in the closet then you are below me Takin the b-a-t out of basement, homey

Yeah.Yeah! YO! WHAT!

Cause I'm bo yo I'm the greatest rappa eva And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not Think your better your not Don't need a sweater, I'm a real g that can really find your what now... Oh. Oh yo! I'm representin you! I'm representin the people from 01982 yo. Oh.

notowelneedsleepy · 4 months

+1 anything Bo Burnham

Jrodkin · 4 months

Don't worry, one day she'll be really weird looking because she'll be, you know...

Dead.

lolNOsmileyface · 4 months

h20cowboy · 4 months

Bo knows bitches!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN HAMILTON MASSACHUSETTS IS ON THE MAP!! BO MADE IT TO REDDIT!!!

DJBJ · 4 months

Someones bitter. Why would you even date someone like that?

I know it's Bo Burnham and I know its a joke but the premise seems sweaty. Why would you date someone who was a bitch all the time?

funny

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