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Even if you know how get your significant other turned on, there are times when.. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by ne0lithic

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[–]secretvictory 83 points84 points ago

It always makes me laugh. I know machines can't feel, but the efficiency of the mechanism gives it a sense of urgency or annoyance.

[–]Rhinoceros_Party 28 points29 points ago

I know machines can't feel

... yet.

[–]I_Am_Science_AMA 45 points46 points ago

I am actually working on that.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Kantilever 5 points6 points ago

This

[–]ObsGenesis 0 points1 point ago

fucking onions.

[–]oniongasm 6 points7 points ago

... you called?

[–]Kantilever 0 points1 point ago

I know right??

[–]wordy_ist_nerdy 64 points65 points ago

A friend made one of these as part of a larger mad scientist control panel for Halloween. The kids enjoyed messing with the whole thing, but they particularly liked it when they flipped the switch (labeled "do not flip the switch!") the creepy finger came out and flipped it back. video

[–]its_always_sexual 200 points201 points ago

I actually built one of these boxes once. It was pretty cool to play with. I cut the box to basically have a slit about 2 credit card widths worth of space by the button (no switch) and had an electric motor inside that would turn a metal ruler (was cut, only 5 inches long) relatively quickly in a circle and then catch it again. The gist of it was that when you pressed the button you had to pull your finger back REALLY quickly or it would get caught. It was never fast enough to do damage but it sure did hurt that one time I got my penis caught.

[–]sirhcv 15 points16 points ago

You had me at, "I cut the box to basically have a slit..."

[–]ISoIsolated 52 points53 points ago

Same here. It was really tough actually. Some of the steps are really precise, but in the end, I was able to masturbate to this.

[–]wOlfLisK 2 points3 points ago

You really are isolated, aren't you?

[–]ISoIsolated 1 point2 points ago

I got Rosie!

[–]DivineWithin 4 points5 points ago

You named your right hand?

[–]abithozak 2 points3 points ago

You've never met Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters? I find that difficult to believe...

[–]ISoIsolated 0 points1 point ago

He just never named them.

[–]lopez27611 11 points12 points ago

I was actually really interested on how to get one of these, so naturally I was intrigued by your comment. And then, the last sentence came along, directly followed by a double-take on the user name, and a half-smile. Hook, line, and sinker.

[–]wordy_ist_nerdy 1 point2 points ago

I got one at Solarbotics. It's cheap, and a little hokey looking, but it works well, and looks good sitting on my shelf.

Looks like it might be cheaper here.

[–]lopez27611 1 point2 points ago

Thank you sir

[–]wordy_ist_nerdy 1 point2 points ago

Happy to be of service.

[–]selfloathingredditor -2 points-1 points ago

I was actually really interested in what this comment had to say. Hoping it might add something humorous. But then, as I continued to read, I realized it was just one of those annoying comments where people explain how they got the joke and realized the commenter had a suggestive username. Half-frown.

[–]lopez27611 5 points6 points ago

To be completely fair though, you were already all depressed before you read my comment. So I would think that for you, a "half-frown" would be an improvement.

[–]ThrewMudAtOthers 14 points15 points ago

I have one of these. Took it to work, people were concerned it might be a bomb.

[–]Kaltano 3 points4 points ago

The Terrorists have successfully achieved their goals. (I'm assuming you do not work in a government building.)

[–]ThrewMudAtOthers 2 points3 points ago

No, I think it was because I worked in a high stress place, because everyone wanted to bring guns in to work, and kill the management.

[–]xxThe_Artist 16 points17 points ago

Can someone show me how to make one? Or possible a link to do so?

[–]scratchr 1 point2 points ago

http://www.instructables.com/id/The-Most-Useless-Machine/

[–]EvOllj 32 points33 points ago

time to duell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=UkgoSOSGrx4#t=21s

[–]NeroNakamura 29 points30 points ago

Improved version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmQ5LsNMXZ4

[–]larynx1982 2 points3 points ago

Add a few explosions and you have the next Michael Bay blockbuster (they already have the music).

[–]Apocolypse007 0 points1 point ago

Everytime I have something neat like this to post I am always beat to it by someone else. I love that vid, have an upvote.

[–]BoboForShort 0 points1 point ago

I lost it at the bit at the very end.

[–]Boolderdash 0 points1 point ago

I knew I'd find this video somewhere. Quite possibly my favourite video on the internet.

[–]darkhunt3r 5 points6 points ago

Internet arguments in a nutshell...

[–]SomeFakeInternetName 1 point2 points ago

That made me laugh far more than it had any right to.

[–]wimpykid 7 points8 points ago

boop

[–]jabask 6 points7 points ago

My dad made one of these a while back

[–]CockOfTheRock 7 points8 points ago

Am I the only one who waited for something else to happen?

[–]MicahBear78 5 points6 points ago

I'm still waiting.

[–]Aston_Martini 2 points3 points ago

"I nyaned for 468 seconds!"

[–]Clordio 6 points7 points ago

This one is my favorite

[–]Seizure-Man 1 point2 points ago

The last switch at the end made me laugh.

[–]halfchubb 7 points8 points ago

http://www.instructables.com/id/The-Most-Useless-Machine/ How to make one.

[–]nordoix 7 points8 points ago

That's me telling my girlfriend im turned on. Then she says, "nope."

[–]cydonia90 20 points21 points ago

So kind of like this: http://holidaygifgiver.com/media/images/gifs/240/240_original.gif

[–]DandyPirate 1 point2 points ago

The curse of being a morning person when she's an evening person.

[–]Hero_of_One 4 points5 points ago

This always has seemed strange to me. My girlfriends have always had just as high of sex drive as myself.

[–]jmallet74 8 points9 points ago

I used to be like you. But my fiancée broke the chain. hey at least she's not crazy.

[–]tkr2099 4 points5 points ago

Is it worth sacrificing the awesome sex to date someone sane? Inquiring minds must know.

[–]invisiblemovement 4 points5 points ago

Don't stick your dick in crazy... Unless the sex is really ridiculously good.

[–]meow_gusta 5 points6 points ago

Often sex doesn't equate to awesome sex. Occasion awesome sex with a sane girl is much better.

[–]sexychippy 3 points4 points ago

Sometimes you luck out and get sane AND awesome sex. It's like finding a unicorn.

[–]RobertJ93 2 points3 points ago

I found my unicorn, she's horny.

[–]sexychippy 4 points5 points ago

I am as well. Although, the more I say I'm NOT crazy like most women, the more crazy I sound, right?

[–]soawesomejohn 7 points8 points ago

Pick two.

I think the awesome sex drive is a subset of crazy.

[–]tkr2099 0 points1 point ago

This has certainly been my experience.

[–]jmallet74 0 points1 point ago

It's tough to say

[–]omnidirectional 0 points1 point ago

Congratulations, you are the 1%.

[–]xxLindenxx 2 points3 points ago

Did anyone notice that he forgot a word in the title? Even if you know how TO get your significant other turned on, there are times when..

[–]dont_get_it 5 points6 points ago

Shit, you'd think after a few minutes, the guy would wise up and remove the battery. No, he just keeps trying, over and over and over...

[–]LightGrenade 1 point2 points ago

how does his hand start and end in the same exact position?

[–]tennantsmith 0 points1 point ago

The "loop" part is just before the hand hits the switch. If you watch closely you can see it jump a bit.

[–]alteffor105 1 point2 points ago

pretty impressive that that little box can make a hand push that switch all day...

[–]konydanza 1 point2 points ago

I can't help but imagine a tiny little man inside the box saying "turn off that damn light!"

[–]epic_comebacks 1 point2 points ago

What does that thing do?

[–]EvOllj 27 points28 points ago

its only funcion is to switch itself off.

there are even lego versions.

[–]JonathanWarner 2 points3 points ago

*how to get

Sorry. It was bugging me.

[–]BigDaddyCraw 1 point2 points ago

Thank god someone else saw it too

[–]ne0lithic[S] 2 points3 points ago

Damn it, ne0lithic. You had one job in getting the title right.

*to get

[–]Bruc3w4yn3 1 point2 points ago

TIL there exists a machine, for which the only purpose of existing is to turn itself off. How Nihilistic.

[–]ManiacDan 1 point2 points ago

Thank you for saying "significant other" instead of "wife"

[–]weaver2109 0 points1 point ago

I made one of these for my dad for christmas last year.

[–]northbayray 0 points1 point ago

The Most Counterproductive Device Ever.

[–]BlackDracula 0 points1 point ago

My fiance just linked me to this...

[–]grp_0rca 0 points1 point ago

I think there is a hidden message in there somewhere ...

[–]BrandonToddCarr 0 points1 point ago

Live action version.

[–]cydonia90 0 points1 point ago

What is that thingy? Can I buy it?

[–]RevOtisElevator 0 points1 point ago

...you feel like a nut.

Sometimes you don't.

[–]saywahh 0 points1 point ago

this kind of reminds me of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w49WmIdOcuo&feature=related

[–]LettersFromTheSky 0 points1 point ago

Took me awhile to get this.

[–]Wolf97 0 points1 point ago

I want.

[–]Normalling 0 points1 point ago

I feel like this is a metaphor for my life.

[–]SlimPikinZ 0 points1 point ago

hmmm...a box that gets itself off.

[–]Drumking00 0 points1 point ago

It'll be ok

[–]FriedBacon86 0 points1 point ago

I really want one of these boxes.

[–]Waff1es 0 points1 point ago

I remember this being used to explain the most secure computer (a computer with as little human interaction is the safest to viruses)

[–]bg-j38 -1 points0 points ago

This is an example of something called the "Ultimate Machine". The first known one was built my Claude Shannon probably sometime in the 1960s. When you flipped the switch on his it would make a lot of noise and eventually a mechanical hand would pop out and turn itself off. I don't know if the original exists but there's videos of recreations on YouTube and they're kinda creepy.

[–]YourBestFriendStu -1 points0 points ago

This title sucks. I hate you.

[–]blueeyedblonde -3 points-2 points ago

as a woman, this is me about 90% of the time.

[–]hunter9 0 points1 point ago

As a man, this is what frustrates me 90% of the time.

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