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all 119 comments

[–]whitetzor 137 points138 points ago

Whacky waving arm flailing inflatable tubeman it.

[–]ltjboy03 102 points103 points ago

[–]MashedHair 1 point2 points ago*

Who told you my move?

[–]FreudChicken 157 points158 points ago

"Do I...do I pet her?"

[–]Roaning 81 points82 points ago

You usually pet small children on the head don't you?

[–]AttemptingReason 35 points36 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]upstreamsalmon 8 points9 points ago

I find he likes to be scratched behind the ears

[–]Drderp134 6 points7 points ago

that's how i felt about it

[–]MrKrazybones 59 points60 points ago

Grab her by the ears!

[–]monroseph 7 points8 points ago

Oh, Mr.Krazybones you have such a way with words.

[–]Lockski -2 points-1 points ago

He sure has a fine collection...

[–]iceward 1 point2 points ago

She's not a gundark!

[–]bcisaidso -2 points-1 points ago

this actually made me laugh out loud. thank you

[–]jcaesar22 114 points115 points ago

run them through his hair

[–]lamaksha77 30 points31 points ago

wait, wut?

[–]RespectedDucks 32 points33 points ago

Women can get head too.

~THE MORE YOU KNOW~

[–]ShootStation 44 points45 points ago

Wait, you guys have never gotten a brojob before?

No homo.

[–]demon_ix 6 points7 points ago

It's not gay unless you make eye contact!

[–]crony1 0 points1 point ago

It's not gay unless you swallow.

[–]flying-sheep -5 points-4 points ago

[–]frogonalog714 51 points52 points ago

hold her hair out of the way.

[–]kaz1 54 points55 points ago

I once rubbed my girlfriend's forehead while getting head. She just slowed the sucking, slowly looked up at me and started laughing. True Story

[–]thexton 4 points5 points ago

[–]speedstix 46 points47 points ago

you grab the hair, keep it out of her face. Massage other parts of her body. It's easy

[–]ben_lacy 73 points74 points ago

Yea just use your gorilla arms that can reach to other parts of her body

[–]wanbo37 65 points66 points ago

Go go gadget titty rub!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Locke02 12 points13 points ago

[–]BenLurkinSince06 2 points3 points ago

Some day you'll understand... some day.

[–]jostler57 16 points17 points ago

Wet willy time!

[–]BigMike__ 0 points1 point ago

Wet... whatum?

[–]wollawolla 13 points14 points ago

Rake your hands through her hair. Make sure that she knows that you realize, "Hey, a girl has my dick in her mouth and I really appreciate that."

[–]no_butseriously_guys 14 points15 points ago

Hallmark should make a greeting card with that text

[–]kartoen 85 points86 points ago

[–]donpapillon 17 points18 points ago

I.... don't even remember I have arms. At that moment my dick takes over 90% of the connections to my brain. The other 10% is a security system that pushes her head down if she stops.

[–]iceward 5 points6 points ago

I know it's not good/polite/nice to do, but that's how I seem to be wired too. Though I tend to date the ones that are very generous and understanding. It also helps me keep on my game when pleasing her, as she'll essentially do the same right back to me.

-Single for right now, and missing the closeness and playfulness of the lady-folk.

[–]ghostly5150 28 points29 points ago

Grab the titties if you can!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I'd call this an intermediate level move; unless her arms are totally out of the way, the angles can be a little tricky.

[–]ghostly5150 0 points1 point ago

It's a lot easier if you are sitting down.

[–]deoxxa 3 points4 points ago

Yep, that was my approach the first time. Seemed to work alright!

[–]dixiegunsmoke 2 points3 points ago

Upvoting for titty grabs.

[–]shaunfail 66 points67 points ago

why not sit back and put your hands behind your head and relax? because believe me, i hate when guys push down on my head, id rather not puke.

[–]sp00kyd00m 35 points36 points ago

some girls actually really like something more.. forceful.. not saying it isnt a minority... but OP could always ask what she would like/prefers provided they are hooking up at all regularly. sex is always better when everyone can communicate what they want (and what they dont) :)

[–]Cynikal818 3 points4 points ago

true.

[–]donpapillon 5 points6 points ago

Well you sexy mother fucker, what would you like me to do? Some pancakes? Bacon maybe?

[–]argentia924 1 point2 points ago

I like being pushed down. I cannot be the only one. Sometimes I intentionally stop just so my boyfriend will push on my head.

[–]shaunfail 0 points1 point ago

oh yeah i understand that, cuz i really love getting my hair pulled and such haha i just dont need help moving my head up and down. and yes sex is always better when we know what they want and dont want :)

[–]NPH_wouldnt_do_that 17 points18 points ago

This is what I usually do, just sit back and enjoy it. She doesn't need your help.

[–]failbot30000 16 points17 points ago

NPH wouldn't push down on her head.

[–]hayashirice911 26 points27 points ago

He would certainly push down on his head.

[–]omg_itzahaxz 4 points5 points ago

It's been documented that NPH will apply a brand to the buttocks area, thus leaving his mark for all inferiors to follow.

[–]Drderp134 0 points1 point ago

that's what i resorted to after i got over my indecision

[–]Exfish 7 points8 points ago

I give her a scalp massage, she loves it!

..i think...

[–]shaunfail 1 point2 points ago

i for sure enjoy that.

[–]Nebulaoblivion 1 point2 points ago

The suggestion I was going to make as well.

[–]Trapped_in_Reddit 60 points61 points ago

Browse reddit

[–]FreudChicken 17 points18 points ago

He posted this as he was getting head, it all makes sense now.

[–]Juscuz 6 points7 points ago

You really are trapped in reddit when you have to stay on it while you get head.

[–]Wavanova 24 points25 points ago

Keep one finger on the trigger and the other on top of the head to pull her back in case she tries biting.

[–]lamaksha77 -1 points0 points ago

oh molester, you so funny!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Hey, you're not WorstAnswerPossible!

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

try this NSFW

[–]resolutionz 24 points25 points ago

I don't know what I was expecting.

[–]ENKC 2 points3 points ago

Ah, Anal Cunt. Such a heart warming, family friendly act.

[–]Loneytunes 8 points9 points ago

Rub her shoulders and touch her hair. It'll make her take your dick deeper, don't ask why but it's totally true.

[–]kissmyleaf420 27 points28 points ago

The pushing down thing is really awful, coming from this girl's perspective. Unless you've got a puking fetish.

But, running hands through hair isn't that bad. Or, try some 69 fun :) Makes it better. Then you both have something to do with your hands.

[–]amphlux 14 points15 points ago

Yeah I know more than 1 girl who would completely disagree with you.

[–]AnonUhNon 13 points14 points ago

Please post all of their personal information.

[–]fool_of_a_took 3 points4 points ago

The first woman I ever dated was super submissive and loved it when I would basically facefuck her. I'm not sure how she managed to suppress the gag reflex but she did, food stayed in her stomach no problem.

Everyone's a bit different, and I am aware of how unusual this particular lady was (And I will probably never date another one like her :( )

[–]sp00kyd00m 13 points14 points ago

im not saying it isnt a minority.. but some girls really like that and it has nothing to do with puking. OP could just ask her what she would like/prefers provided they are hooking up at all regularly. sex is always better when everyone communicates what they want.

[–]enchantingpig 0 points1 point ago

Unless they have really sweaty hands

[–]kissmyleaf420 0 points1 point ago

Yes, I realize not all girls are this way. I was more just talking about myself, hence the "this girl's perspective". I kinda wish it wouldn't, as it would make things go much easier. But I've never heard any complaints, so I'll stick with what I got. . .

I'm glad my bf doesn't have sweaty hands.

[–]gENTleman92 18 points19 points ago

text your friends

[–]SweetLeafKush 23 points24 points ago

Back of her head. Like a man.

[–]DRTYRYDR686 -3 points-2 points ago

Came here to say this

[–]lichborne 6 points7 points ago

In the hair man, but not pushing down.

[–]afellowinfidel 5 points6 points ago

Just use your index finger to smoothly push back any errant locks of hair that tend to obscure her face.

[–]BenLurkinSince06 2 points3 points ago

Pervert

[–]whitesock 8 points9 points ago

Silly goose. You keep them on her handcuffs to make sure she doesn't break free.

[–]jostler57 4 points5 points ago

When my nephew was 5, I called him a "silly goose" whenever he was doing something silly or stupid. My mom had used the term on me a lot, so it was just a part of my every day vocabulary.

After calling him a "silly goose" for a while, he developed the sense that it was a massive put down and would cry every time I called him one. It was amazing how the innocent name calling got to him, because he didn't understand that it was innocent or non-degrading at the age of 5.

[–]SelectaRx 8 points9 points ago

Where do blowjobs fit into this story?

[–]lamaksha77 33 points34 points ago

into the part where the story sucks...

[–]rgrover00 6 points7 points ago

Record it.

[–]baitingforyears 6 points7 points ago

I still don't know what to do with my hands. I feel ashamed.

[–]cygonsilent 2 points3 points ago

sometimes i reach over and give back with my fingers

[–]missa11003 2 points3 points ago

I personally like when a guy brushes the hair out of my face or grabs onto bed sheets (etc.) http://i.i.com.com/cnwk.1d/i/tim/2011/06/07/iStock_000007016018XSmall_244x183.jpg

[–]Walletau 2 points3 points ago

One hand is holding the beer, the other is holding the gun.

[–]sneezylee 2 points3 points ago

Girl with two pony tails? handle bars

[–]zallinas 2 points3 points ago

That awkward moment when you get head from a black girl and you didn't know not to touch her weave

[–]jostler57 1 point2 points ago

Good point - I plan on getting head from a black girl at some point in my life, so this is good to know!

[–]dogz_n_catz 2 points3 points ago

You fist your hands in her hair like a boss. Jeez, I'm glad I was never this awkward.

[–]mehatch 1 point2 points ago

I once had a girl say the same thing to me for the reverse situation, so I bought her a can of jumbo olives. And a can opener. True Story.

[–]guythatsaysvideogame 8 points9 points ago

Videogame.

[–]Saerung 4 points5 points ago

Doesn't work at all. My ex tought it would be fun to give me a blowjob whilst i was playing sc2. worst game i've ever played :( (That's not why we broke up:p)

[–]SelectaRx 2 points3 points ago

Did you break up because he bought too many hats?

[–]Temporarily-stairs 0 points1 point ago

Give that bitch a slap. Bitches love a slap.

[–]bledolikiq 1 point2 points ago

Touch boobs. Who doesnt like boobs...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Interesting insight.

[–]oD3 0 points1 point ago

Stretch out and put your arms behind your own head.

[–]doctormarton 0 points1 point ago

Applaud.

[–]n0rs3n0rdic 0 points1 point ago

finger the other 2 girls you twat

[–]no_butseriously_guys -1 points0 points ago

I'm pretty sure twats shouldn't have fingers

[–]Sweatshop_Owner 0 points1 point ago

This post is full of win... everywhere.

[–]kirkoswald 0 points1 point ago

one hand on the back of her had, the other reaching for a boob.. works for me

[–]Bo_Peeep -1 points0 points ago

i literally just petted her

[–]Michael_J_Foxtrot -1 points0 points ago

I like the cut of your jib there buddy.

[–]abnormalsyndrome -1 points0 points ago

Hold the video camera.

[–]brussels4breakfast -1 points0 points ago

He could fap I guess.

[–]CHeeTo70 -5 points-4 points ago

i was smoking a bowl during my first blow job