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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]FiftyCals 503 points504 points ago

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Hope it's hungry!

[–]madjohnroberts 321 points322 points ago

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Looks like that octopus is about to have...

A shitty day.

[–]mrcrewe 132 points133 points ago

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YEEEEeeeeaaaaaahhh!

[–]alexjames21 34 points35 points ago

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[–]Antebios 4 points5 points ago

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[–]rubbish_sonnets 7 points8 points ago*

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SONNET 1: 'The Creature of the Chamberpot'.

Its reaching tentacles of flaccid skin
Have slither'd up around the china shore,
And like a hideous infant drown'd within
Its body is a writhing heap of gore,
In colour it is surely much the same
As all the gifts its home has come to know;
Perhaps that is the reason that it came,
To find the source from which its brothers flow;
This ocean beast, alas, is unaware
Of what the nature of these gifts may be
And when you care to offer, should you dare,
Expect the frightful vengeance of the sea;
If fecal continence you cannot keep,
Be wary of the krakens of the deep.

[–]bigroblee 120 points121 points ago*

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When my turds are prairie dogging there could be a severed human head with spiders coming out of all of it's orifices and I would still shit upon it before calling the authorities.

[–]Jumin 53 points54 points ago

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at that point why wouldn't you just shit on the ground? You'd really take the chance of spiders coming at you like that?

[–]dillamatic 188 points189 points ago

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The ground is lava.

[–]cgsuperpanda 45 points46 points ago

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I'd shit my pants and die in the firely lava before putting my ass on top of THAT.

[–]AgentMaxPower 42 points43 points ago

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you obviously havent shit your pants and died in fiery lava before

[–]fuzzybeard 10 points11 points ago

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You've obviously never shit firey lava before...

/tangentially relevant advice: NEVER, and do mean never, ever dare the cook at a little hole in the wall Thai restaurant that he can't make your food "too spicy."

[–]JJaysNotHome 6 points7 points ago

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Jokes on you I already shat my pants

[–]Calibansdaydream 64 points65 points ago

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aw, at least try to aim to the side a little.

[–]serchaos 10 points11 points ago

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Gotta show that severed human head exploding with spiders who the boss is somehow.

[–]NotElizaHenry 99 points100 points ago

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Normally I am opposed to hijacking the top comment, but I need to go to bed soon and I haven't seen the correct answer within the first 50 comments, so here it is:

Put the fucking seat down so it's tentacles are trapped, and shit on its face. WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION.

[–]baconautics 26 points27 points ago

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Welcome to /r/nocontext.

[–]john2kxx 12 points13 points ago

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The seat normally doesn't make full contact with the top of the bowl.. At best, you'd only trap 2 of its tentacles.

NOW WHAT?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]WolfInTheField 4 points5 points ago

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Still open for the facepoopoo.

[–]TheTalentedAmateur 2 points3 points ago

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I hunt possum (in season), and this is a trap.

[–]moviequote88 108 points109 points ago

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Silly octopus! Get out of there! That is not the ocean.

[–]darkdude 14 points15 points ago

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But one simple lever can bring the octopus to the ocean!

[–]OffersNothing 235 points236 points ago

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I would no longer need to poo, for my pantaloons would have been promptly soiled after seeing that.

[–]callmeWia 61 points62 points ago

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If it was that urgent, I would just shit on the floor, so the next person can enjoy the octopus and my pile of shit.. and probably some karma.

[–]tossawayray 325 points326 points ago

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[–]yuno10 228 points229 points ago

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EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

[–]ill_take_two 6 points7 points ago

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Flawless victory.

[–]kazin420 22 points23 points ago

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[–]S1GMA 2 points3 points ago

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I wasn't drinking anything and just plain spat upon my monitor. Your comment deserved it.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points ago

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YEAH! Wait, what?

[–]wilu 55 points56 points ago

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SHIT OCTOPUS

EAT IT ALL ON FLOOR

[–]The_Third_One 41 points42 points ago

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EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

[–]wavefunction84 14 points15 points ago

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I can't breathe...

[–]iamfelixx 220 points221 points ago

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Shit from a several inches above the bowl and bomb that bastard. PEARL HARBOR, NEVER FORGET.

[–]ElBrad 72 points73 points ago*

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"Was it over when the Germans bombed the octopus?"

[–]HeroOfTime_99 46 points47 points ago

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"HELL NO!"

[–]sneezylee 12 points13 points ago

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"WE WONT GO!"

[–]isiah1979 874 points875 points ago

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Seen enough hentai to know where this is going.....Challenge accepted!

[–]erotic_octopus 906 points907 points ago

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I think this is my cue.

[–]SwollenOstrich 244 points245 points ago

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I never get a cue :[

[–]Minimumtyp 64 points65 points ago

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Fun fact: My penis is ostrich shaped.

[–]theinfinitecoder 127 points128 points ago

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See a doctor.

[–]REDDITvTIDDER 29 points30 points ago

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but it hasn't been 4 hours yet...he only put that ostrich in it 3 hours ago.

[–]All_Witty_Taken 13 points14 points ago

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Buries it's head in the sand...?

[–]NAM_killer 13 points14 points ago

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Buries it's head in the sand...?

If Ostriches buried their heads in the sand they would suffocate. This myth likely began with Pliny the Elder (AD 23-79), who wrote that Ostriches "imagine, when they have thrust their head and neck into a bush, that the whole of their body is concealed."

If an ostrich is scared it will either lie down flat on the ground or run away.

[–]Minimumtyp 25 points26 points ago

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Fuck you Pliny the Elder.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]erotic_octopus 153 points154 points ago

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I get moments like this more often than one would think. Reddit likes to bring up octopi in erotic settings.

[–]HentaiTentacleDemon 92 points93 points ago

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S...son is that you?!

[–]erotic_octopus 74 points75 points ago

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DAD!

[–]HentaiTentacleDemon 62 points63 points ago

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I thought I'd never see you again, I promised your mother I would keep searching though.

[–]Wanderlustfull 13 points14 points ago

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So how many Japanese vaginas did you have to look in?

[–]galpin 18 points19 points ago

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Today is your day my friend!

[–]isiah1979 14 points15 points ago

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O.o

[–]TheYuppieWord 20 points21 points ago

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Your time has come. The name erotic_octopus has finally paid off.

[–]CatsBoobiesAndStuff 193 points194 points ago

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looks like ill be shitting in my pants today.

[–]twmac 113 points114 points ago

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Doesn't matter still pooped

[–]thefirstfarmer 21 points22 points ago

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exactly. close your eyes, sit and just release your bowels.

[–]RayC_CommonTater 72 points73 points ago

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What if it starts moving while your makin yer poops, man? What if it starts moving and it brushes against your ANUS? What if it tickles and wriggles against your poo hole, gradually increasing in pressure until the tentacles just kinda "pop" in there? What if it shoves ALL of its tentacles into your rectum and starts pulling itself out of the toilet and completely inside of you?

What, wait... where can I find a live octopus at 1AM??

[–]budgray18 20 points21 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]ScottCarmichael 45 points46 points ago

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If you've got an Asian girlfriend, she probably keeps one on/in her person at all times.

[–]furiousBobcat 2 points3 points ago

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Read that in Stewie's voice.

[–]systmh 26 points27 points ago

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Octopoop GO!

[–]ScottCarmichael 10 points11 points ago

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Actually...just got a mental image of Octomom.

I think she's scarier than this photo.

[–]Judiciary_Pag 8 points9 points ago

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The worst part is how octopus-like her stomach is... shudder

[–]maddietheasshole 6 points7 points ago

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ah jesus fuck, it's amazing how much the body can stretch its self and how elastic our skin is... but my god, it's still gross as hell.

[–]ksutt 3 points4 points ago

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EWWW! Get that thing out of here!

[–]BoobDetective 18 points19 points ago*

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[–]arccospihalfarcsin 7 points8 points ago

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i just played that for 20min

[–]SonicFlash01 6 points7 points ago

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I won!

[–]BoobDetective 7 points8 points ago

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That was fast! Did you get all the achievements?

[–]SonicFlash01 9 points10 points ago

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I pooped on the floor. :D
One would argue that the game is truly beaten when you have caveated shitting your pants in as many ways as possible, but I would argue that a game where you avoid shitting your pants does not harbor elitism.

[–]BoobDetective 7 points8 points ago

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We probably won't see PvP tounaments any time soon, but I sure would like a sequel to this magnificent game!

[–]desktop_ninja 2 points3 points ago

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i remember doing that for some pixel series badge

[–]jackpotmike 136 points137 points ago*

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Relevant NSFW

Never thought this would be relevant..

edit: link

[–]HexAddict 32 points33 points ago

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This was the premier hentai. Paved the way for much of Japan's wild foreys in 2d porn. This piece of art history deserves mad props.

[–]SonicFlash01 49 points50 points ago

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I don't know if I should feel happy or depressed that I will NEVER be able to understand Japan in my life.

[–]image-fixer 10 points11 points ago

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Your comment contains a link to a Wikipedia image page. Here is the RES-friendly version: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b7/Tako_to_ama_retouched.jpg

[–]when_snorlax_attacks 44 points45 points ago

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except that RES ignores your link as a duplicate image.

[–]Cookindinner 11 points12 points ago

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I can see his image with RES though?

[–]Gezzer50 2 points3 points ago

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What is it about Asians, Women, and Tentacle monsters?

[–]ClutchReverie 7 points8 points ago

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Nothing consensual from what I can tell

[–]DIAL-UP 25 points26 points ago

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Prepare for the best shit of your life

[–]isiah1979 9 points10 points ago

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Or an awkward cleanup

[–]MagicSchoolBusKid 10 points11 points ago

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I knew I should've stayed home today..

[–]poteker00 104 points105 points ago

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The female protagonist can't take it anymore, she's about to shit her pants and this thing awaits her in the toilet, she has no other choice, she does not want to shit her pants or do it on the floor, she sits down and the beast slowly retreats back as her butt touches the ceramic seat, as she do her business, she feels something caressing her smooth butt, she looks down and sees the tentacle of the beast reaching up, as if amazed and mesmerized by her round ass. She did not reject, but instead continues to accept the beast is offering her, she feels its tentacles wrap her thighs while she releases the contents of her bowels, the tentacles continues to reach up until it reaches her cunt, it slowly thrusts itself, back and forth, arousing her more, the protagonist now fully enjoying the sensational abuse she is experiencing and is already done on her business but still remains seated, the beast now moves two of its tentacles upward and wrap them around her waist and then it slowly rises from its den, another tentacles then enters her cunt, joining the first one, and alternately going back and forth.

The protagonist, now fully aroused, fully enjoying the abuse done by the tentacles of the animal rubs her clit to add more sensation on her experience, the protagonist orgasms and screams in delight (It now used all of its tentacles, two on each butt cheek, two on the each thigh, two in its cunt and two around her waist).

It then slowly rises from its watery den, it then releases the tentacles caressing the protagonist's butt cheeks, wraps it around the seat, restraining the protagonist, the beast's mouth quickly clasps around her butthole. The protagonist, now restrained, tries to untangle the tentacles tightly coiled around her thighs but unable to, the beast then begins to pump strange fluid through her butt at high pressure, the beast has been catching and storing her shit and watery waste all the time, the sensual performance was just a distraction, the protagonist then feels her bowels fill up with the waste she just excreted, she also felt something weird in her groin area, the two tentacles are now reaching higher and higher, she feels they are already in her uterus, tearing it apart then slithering through her intestines then piercing their way up to her esophagus, at that time, the waste that is being pumped in her butthole has already reached her throat, the tentacles make its way out her mouth, along with the waste water, the beast then untangles the tentacles coiled around her, and retreats down in the toilet bowl and awaits its next victim.

[–]anthoneyk123 83 points84 points ago

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Why did I read all of that?

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points ago

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Why was I aroused a little by it?

[–]JeansOnly 8 points9 points ago

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The first two paragraphs got me. I feel bad now.

[–]TheAmazingRobinHood 2 points3 points ago

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I think I learned something about myself today that I could have gone my entire life without knowing. ಠ_ಠ

[–]poteker00 21 points22 points ago

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Why did I typed all of that??

[–]inspectordeazoteas 10 points11 points ago

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Same reason I did. Us pervs can't stop when aroused.

[–]youzz33 54 points55 points ago

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not sure if gusta

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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O______O

[–]isiah1979 9 points10 points ago

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I applaud you! Upvote time!

[–]SparklepireBETCH 9 points10 points ago

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I...I...what?

[–]fuzzb0y 6 points7 points ago

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2 girls 1 cup hentai mashup

[–]BurgerBoner 2 points3 points ago

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[–]dr_strawman 4 points5 points ago

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it went ok...

[–]Bitter_Idealist 60 points61 points ago

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Cephalopods are highly intelligent creatures. That's fucked up that someone would do that.

[–]tosss 30 points31 points ago

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If it's so intelligent, then why is it in a toilet?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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Because people are stupid

[–]physicscat 16 points17 points ago

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Thank god someone feels like this too. What a horrible thing to do to that animal.

[–]SuperlativeInsanity 6 points7 points ago

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It probably climbed in there on its own, in search for an aquatic environment to suit its needs.

[–]populationsample 7 points8 points ago

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It was placed there by a person, and it is most certainly dead.

[–]Ignaddio 26 points27 points ago

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Octopi are salt water creatures iirc. I assume the octopus is dead and poop-friendly.

[–]Minimumtyp 47 points48 points ago

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this is a salt-water toilet

[–]Fearlessleader85 3 points4 points ago

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Sound logic.

[–]Fearlessleader85 5 points6 points ago

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Additionally, while they CAN turn that color while alive. That's the color they turn when you kill them.

[–]cornologist 487 points488 points ago

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[–]lolgcat 216 points217 points ago

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I seriously hope I'll be browsing quickmeme a few years from now, waxing nostalgic, select the Fuck It meme, and have this show up with no context.

[–]i_upboat 79 points80 points ago

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In the meantime, why not browse /r/nocontext

[–]Dr_Explosion 22 points23 points ago

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With genuine gratitude: Thank you i_upboat for sharing that wonderful subreddit with me.

Gratefully: Please accept this upvote as a token of my appreciation

[–]SirToffo 28 points29 points ago

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Imagine being the next guy.

[–]alpacaBread 26 points27 points ago

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[–]bartonar 15 points16 points ago

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My screen is filled with soft drink, my chair is sideways, and i'm typing this from the floor.

[–]G8r 2 points3 points ago

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From now on, I start all my business correspondence with this line.

[–]bk7902 8 points9 points ago

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Been on reddit for hours. That shit just made me laugh like nothing has in months. Your upvote stinks of bourbon.

[–]wavefunction84 3 points4 points ago

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Yup. That's enough internet for today.

[–]JuliaGasm 71 points72 points ago

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I would stand there, pull down my pants and shit on the floor. Just sayin

[–]RJM10_2 42 points43 points ago

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I thought the exact same thing, except I would be telling myself "I hope reddit likes a good shit and octupus story"

[–]farfle10 22 points23 points ago

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shitting on floor, avoiding octopus YEAH KARMA!!

[–]TheKoreander 24 points25 points ago

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On behalf of all cleaners in the world, fuck you.

[–]whorecrusher 28 points29 points ago

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Well, they shouldn't have left a damn octopus in the toilet.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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What's stopping you from just squatting over the toilet?

[–]IonicSquid 32 points33 points ago

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Would you take that chance?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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What will it do? Crawl up my bum?

[–]IonicSquid 56 points57 points ago

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Let's just say that your name is relevant.

[–]Pearsonator 2 points3 points ago

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Except they have beaks, not tongues

Shiver

[–]Yreval 13 points14 points ago

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Take a second to imagine the sensation of an octopus slithering into and up your rectum.

Irrational? Maybe. But I'll play this one safe.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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My ex girlfriend had a thing against squids. I showed her a picture of this squid shoved in a woman's vagina, and she threw up.

[–]HeyItsStick 12 points13 points ago

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Must be in Detroit.

[–]ZeGermans750 38 points39 points ago

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Quick, find a Red Wings hockey game!

[–]anyesuki 13 points14 points ago

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Are we confident that this wasn't a Red Wings hockey game...? That stall actually looks too nice to be one of those at The Joe , so it'd have to be an away game. I know, because I've drank many a Miller Lite there, and stood in many a Ladies' room line. The stalls are just not that nice.

wistful sigh I love that building. :-)

[–]wingsnut25 2 points3 points ago

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Maybe a bar close to the Joe? Someone could have stuffed it in their pants to sneak it in to the game later, but grew tired of it and dumped it off.

[–]anyesuki 2 points3 points ago

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Entirely possible. You get thrown out now if you try to smuggle one in. Though I think a lot of people started taping them to their legs. shivers

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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You get to poo and have some possible weird sexual stimulation. What's the problem?

[–]kevin24lg 2 points3 points ago

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Don't octopus have a beak under them?

[–]treefool 110 points111 points ago

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I get that motherfucker back to the ocean A.S.A.P., jack! And when I come back, I slam the head of whoever was laughing the hardest when I ran out of there into the toilet bowl and shit on his head. It's not cool to fuck with live octopi for shits and giggles.

-Aquaman.

[–]darksidemojo 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah okay Aquaman. Need I remind you that you would need to coax them into the water first.

[–]somethingsinthehills 2 points3 points ago

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[–]InbredScorpion 4 points5 points ago

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*Octopuses.

[–]StephenAlbert 8 points9 points ago

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Or 'Octopodes', if you want to get fancy.

[–]Jvlivs 13 points14 points ago

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So you decide you'd better take a pic and post to reddit before doing anything else.

I'm proud of you.

[–]crazyfluteteacher 42 points43 points ago

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So you were at a Red Wings game right?

[–]keesh 23 points24 points ago

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Flush a couple times and hope they go down. Plan B would be to shit on the floor, of course.

[–]SonicFlash01 22 points23 points ago

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I would hit the flusher and watch with the intensity of a scientist watching his life's work at a focal point.

I may never again get to flush an octopus down a toilet.

[–]bobandgeorge 12 points13 points ago

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Really? I had to scroll this far down to find "Flush"

[–]No_Plans 10 points11 points ago

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Why did you put that octopus in the toilet?

[–]Llewdin 17 points18 points ago

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people are getting desperate for karma

[–]bigsrg 9 points10 points ago

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"Days since I crapped my pants" counter reset to 0.

[–]chevree 26 points27 points ago

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At first I thought it was just a really REALLY weird poop and not an octopus.

[–]diaBEATuss 32 points33 points ago

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Poop in the sink. It makes 2 great, life event stories for anyone who enters the washroom.

[–]daftmetal 25 points26 points ago

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And one not so great one for people like me who have to clean said washroom.

[–]Lineage_tw 8 points9 points ago

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This would creative a horrific Positive Feedback loop wherein the next person thereafter finds yet another non-standard depository for his feces. And so on and so forth. Soon, battalions of Hazmat cleaning squads will have to be deployed. Men will die.

[–]mjc1027 48 points49 points ago

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Octo-Nope.

[–]RyanFuller003 7 points8 points ago

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Welcome to Joe Louis Arena on a night when the Red Wings didn't win.

[–]Cichla 13 points14 points ago

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I'm not gonna lie, this is pretty fucked up, I hope the octopus was dead prior to what ever the fuck happened. Poor fella.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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is that in detroit?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Linktank 5 points6 points ago

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Totally saw snakes at first. Don't know which is worse.

[–]le1ca 17 points18 points ago

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I'd shit on it then take a photo for Reddit.

[–]manwhale 12 points13 points ago

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Take a picture, shit, take another, post both on different accounts, use whichever account gets more karma

[–]tjdeezdick 9 points10 points ago

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Three accounts, can't forget the third-party reaction picture.

[–]bonebad786 4 points5 points ago

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I've seen the movie trainspotting, that wouldn't bother me nearly as much as the worst toilet in Scotland.

[–]MakeEmSayUGGHHH 3 points4 points ago

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Redwings Game?

[–]Jsocia 2 points3 points ago

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thats what i was thinking

[–]garadon 4 points5 points ago

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I think at that point the poop issue is solved.

...Which brings us to the dirty underwear, pants, and shoes issue.

[–]OfficerBarbier 10 points11 points ago

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Do you work in a Japanese porn studio?

[–]HoneyBoy1391 6 points7 points ago

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RELEASE THE KRAPPEN!

[–]quikmcmuffins 2 points3 points ago

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NOPE

[–]Piker10 6 points7 points ago

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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

[–]park1321 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Flebas 2 points3 points ago

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One of the few times in life where it is acceptable to poop on the floor.

[–]whydoipoopsomuch 2 points3 points ago

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Relatively clean toilet

[–]TheCottageisonFire 2 points3 points ago

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This is the only acceptable time to shit on the floor.

[–]bordercollieflower 2 points3 points ago

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So you pull your phone out to take a picture while doing the poopie dance.

[–]tyvanius 2 points3 points ago

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nothing it can do to hurt me, but I'd feel bad for it. Shit on floor instead, win-win situation.

[–]beowulf2700 2 points3 points ago

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why are we in japan again@!!!!!?!?!?!?1! JAPAN! STOP STALKING ME! WE BROKE UP 3 YEARS AGO! dont give me that look. stop. ok FINE ill take you to the sushi b- OH GOD TENTICALES!

[–]Chris538 2 points3 points ago

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This makes me sad ;(

[–]kevsta322 2 points3 points ago

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I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going...

[–]Id_Poop_On_It 8 points9 points ago

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I'd poop on it.

[–]Ghostly_Snow 6 points7 points ago

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I can't be the only one who thought, hey must have been at the Joe when the Red Wings lost again..

[–]smintitule 3 points4 points ago

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NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

[–]ohnoitsnick 10 points11 points ago

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I'll just leave this here.... NSFW!

http://imgur.com/82S60

[–]zenmunster 10 points11 points ago

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OMFG. WHYYYYYY.

[–]maddietheasshole 6 points7 points ago

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why do people do this?

[–]MikeOnFire 2 points3 points ago

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Money. Better question: why do people pay other people to do this?

[–]DiegoXIV 4 points5 points ago

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Well, I don't know what I was expecting.

[–]Disney_Gifs 6 points7 points ago

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[–]SharkSpider 1 point2 points ago

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DM;HS?

[–]ptgx85 1 point2 points ago

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I then proceed to shit my pants

[–]pHreaksYcle 1 point2 points ago

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You have got to be shitting me.

[–]polarbeargarden 1 point2 points ago

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You're thankful, because were it not for that little guy, that stall would also be full. Now you shit on the floor in peace and leave quickly.

[–]Michi_THE_Awesome 1 point2 points ago

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Nope, never have to poop again.

[–]Oddblivious 1 point2 points ago

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You cannot shit on the human forms of the dear lord pastafarian's messiah stall baby.

[–]pathetichumans 1 point2 points ago

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Well that takes care of that problem.

*waddles out of bathroom.

[–]janosaudron 1 point2 points ago

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Need to poo magically vanishes.

[–]Caulibflower 1 point2 points ago

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Don't people know about Safe-haven laws?