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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]THEBillcosby 1233 points1234 points ago

It has been awhile since I've said "Fuck You" to my computer. Congratulations sir, you win.

[–]ani625 305 points306 points ago

"Well, fuck you too, Humaaaan."

[–]kragmoor 140 points141 points ago

that read like a dalek

[–]tsaylor 71 points72 points ago

No way, that was definitely a Ferengi.

[–]Hawkleer 29 points30 points ago

Daleks came first. Therefore they win this. They came before Star trek even.

[–]WiiMachinE 7 points8 points ago

I read it as Al Paccino from scent of a woman because I didn't see the human part.

[–]real_nice_guy 8 points9 points ago

uh-oh.

[–]Metaluim 7 points8 points ago

"FORNICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOU. HUUUMAAAAAN."

[–]Zliced 62 points63 points ago

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

Happy cake day!

[–]NFLdoWORK 18 points19 points ago

not for me. my computer takes a daily verbal beating from me

[–]okmkz 17 points18 points ago

Programmer, huh?

[–]bai_ren 11 points12 points ago

I ended up with an answer of 69, so I thought it was some cute trick so I did it again with another number. Double trolled. :(

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

All of those complex mathematical operations were pretty taxing, eh?

[–]SarkastikAmbassador 40 points41 points ago

I said "You fucking fuck!" to my iPhone.

[–]hookguy 171 points172 points ago

Hey everybody, this guys got an iPhone! Look how sophisticated he is!

[–][deleted] 123 points124 points ago

Hahaha...this guy thinks iPhones are sophisticated.

Sent from my iPad

[–]Brruceling 40 points41 points ago

You have no idea!

Sent from the future

[–]zman0728 48 points49 points ago

I am from before technology.
Sent from a typewriter.

[–]BlackDeath3 18 points19 points ago

You know that the realm of "technology" extends beyond the latest iPhone, right? A typewriter is a technology.

[–]free_beer 13 points14 points ago

You must be the life of the party.

[–]mtbkr24 6 points7 points ago

If you sharpen a rock then use it to hit people, then the rock is technology.

[–]pizz0wn3d 11 points12 points ago

Alert the press!

[–]lazergator 6 points7 points ago

Ya definitely said fuck you to that

[–]itsdr00 5 points6 points ago

"You fucker!" <-- That was mine

[–]Personsen 2 points3 points ago

Yup that's what I said too

[–]dogebial 533 points534 points ago

I had my calculator out and everything...

[–]AntiZombieDelta 34 points35 points ago

I literally neglected to open my computer's calculator expecting that the page would just read it with some techno-voodoo nonsense and give me the number i had calculated out. /Facepalm

[–]Whenthenighthascome 17 points18 points ago

I just used Google. Still facepalm.

[–]DiegoXIV 11 points12 points ago

I used my sleepy brain. double face palm

[–]bizziboi 175 points176 points ago

I.....

But.....

2 digit addition and multiplication by 2.

Calculator?

I....

.....sometimes worry.

[–]JRose11 196 points197 points ago

As an engineer, I use my calculator for even the most simple of calculations. Always caught a lot of shit for it, but it has been engraved in our brains to be certain about our results (so we don't kill people).

[–]Nippelklyper 37 points38 points ago*

Same here. During my first year as an engineering student, I've made so many silly mistakes when doing math in my head, that at a later point in my problem has screwed me over. I've even spent most of this morning trying to find my mistake in a Linear Algebra problem, before realising that my mistake was that I had subtracted an equation from another equation, instead of adding them.

It's a vicious circle. The better you get at math, the more you use your calculator, and you avoid doing math in your head at all cost.

[–]iBird 14 points15 points ago

As a lazy mother fucker, I use my calculator all the time. Adding numbers is annoying and I've always used a calculator. Sure it takes me an extra few seconds to have to do it in my head on the spot without one, but I hardly am without one as my phone has an easy to launch calculator app.

[–]kosif 5 points6 points ago

Thank you for not killing people

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

In all the things you (or a co-worker) created to date, is there a place where a mistake could have sneaked in and would had resulted in a gruesome death ?

My english suck so here is an example: You once designed an elevator and if you made a mistake back then, when the door is open, there is a risk that the cart would fall, so people could have been decapitated or split in half length-wise.

Or that crazy bridge destroyed by wind.

[–]bizziboi 5 points6 points ago

I am an engineer myself but tend to do it without unless the results are relevant. In this case, where I expected mathemagic I would have known I was off in the end and would probably have tried again.

I never said I was an efficient engineer :o)

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

I'm a mathematician and a physicist, so it's natural that we suck at arithmetic

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points ago

Get over yourself.

[–]pwndnoob 5 points6 points ago

Could be worse. I forgot how old I was.

[–]psufan34 158 points159 points ago

Well at least I know that I can do 89 X 2 in my head.

[–]whatevers_clever 50 points51 points ago

I got 69 and didn't realize the number didn't matter until I looked at comments...because I got 69 :/

[–]LizardBat 30 points31 points ago

I got 69 too...

[–]whatevers_clever 21 points22 points ago

I guess we were made for each other.

[–]JustFloatinAlong 23 points24 points ago

Nowkiss.jpg

[–]Dascandy 24 points25 points ago

Maybe you need to lookup 69 on the Urban Dictionary?

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

It's a kiss alright, two to be exact.

[–]jsellout 56 points57 points ago

I had 89 too. You're not cool unless your number was 64.

[–]mahacctissoawsum 46 points47 points ago

...and you're 25?

[–]sheepman21 17 points18 points ago

How the hell did you know???

[–]Magic_is_the_answer 26 points27 points ago

Magic

[–]chronodestroyer 6 points7 points ago

Get n or Get Out

[–]football2106 12 points13 points ago

I picked 64 aswell O_O

[–]DevinTheGrand 6 points7 points ago

(90 x 2) -2

[–]SunshinNroses 4 points5 points ago

Yea I was thinking "hey at least I got to work on my mental math"

[–]deathlyreaver 32 points33 points ago

I could swear that is the guy from Psych.

[–]MrMono1 22 points23 points ago

Bruton Gaster?

[–]TitaniumNation 31 points32 points ago

That's one of his made-up character names. His actual name is Ovaltine Jenkins.

[–]MrMono1 15 points16 points ago

John Jacob Jingley-Schmidt?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]kitinnitik 14 points15 points ago

You are all obviously not fans, it's Chocolate Columbo.

[–]MrMono1 13 points14 points ago

These are all just covers for Magic Head.

[–]Rainieification 10 points11 points ago

You guys need to learn how to address MC ClapYoHandz as his professional stage name.

[–]Killer_of_Pillows 9 points10 points ago

Jesus christ, get it right! It's Gus T.T Showbiz... The extra T is for extra talent.

[–]Pulch 5 points6 points ago

Except for Fellatio Del Torro. That one's for something else entirely.

[–]Swerdman55 8 points9 points ago

I'd really like to know where this .gif came from.

[–]Pliskin01 24 points25 points ago

[–]Combustibutt 38 points39 points ago

How is that ad racist? Am I missing something?

[–]bernardery 19 points20 points ago

Because holy crap IT IMPLIES BLACK PEOPLE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN

Of course 3 of the 5 people are white and also enjoying fried chicken.

So... yeah. Maybe dudes just like fried chicken because it's tasty?

[–]tandembandit 18 points19 points ago

You know who likes fried chicken? Black people. You know who else likes fried chicken? Everybody.

-Nick Kroll

[–]ElCapitan878 3 points4 points ago

It shows white men dancing.

[–]shimkei 42 points43 points ago

Why the fuck did I pick a hard number

[–]MathPuzzle 92 points93 points ago

49 + 2pi. Damn, and I thought I'd be all clever by choosing an irrational number.

[–]TrueGrey 60 points61 points ago

Rule 73: the Internet is always more irrational than you.

[–]choc_is_back 4 points5 points ago

Rule i: nothing on the internet is real?

[–]Twisol 6 points7 points ago

Hey look everyone, this guy's 22!

[–]midoriable 57 points58 points ago

I got 69 at first and thought that was the joke. sigh

[–]sad_dad69 46 points47 points ago

I had already started with 69. Looks like the joke's on me.

[–]expLIFEr 45 points46 points ago

207 thanks for playing.

[–]pharmabeast 29 points30 points ago

207 here too. Isn't the trick "if you don't get 207 you have schizophrenia?". Because 100 out of 100 inmates on death row didn't get 207. It was a study by Harvard.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

I didn't get 207, and neither did I

HA HA HA!

/ring ring

Hello?

Yes, it's 1992 here, we want our shitty childhood schizophrenia joke back

JESUS BALLCHRIST! It's the anthropomorphic representation of the year 1992! Hello year, how are you?

I'm great, thanks for asking. I'm super pumped about this Jurassic Park film that's coming out soon. The graphics look amaaaazing

[–]Slothhh 184 points185 points ago

Trolled the fuck out of me

[–]I_wwebsite 105 points106 points ago

Fucked the troll out of me

[–]fletcher720 46 points47 points ago

Outed the troll of fuck me

[–]unicorncarwash 31 points32 points ago

Troll fucked the me out of

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

This is the one I'd like to hear Yoda say.

[–]MeteorPhoenix 2 points3 points ago

Me'd the of out troll fuck

[–]elvorpo 2 points3 points ago

You gotta pay the troll toll!

[–]throws_goats 10 points11 points ago

went to find a calculator for nothing. very nice though, i like it.

[–]ENKC 19 points20 points ago

They have calculators on computers now.

[–]Treesin 5 points6 points ago

Not everybody has a computer. You should be more considerate.

[–]ENKC 3 points4 points ago

A moment's thought for our less fortunate brethren using reddit on stone tablet.

[–]retro_dog64 7 points8 points ago

You bastard.

[–]volocom7 8 points9 points ago

I used more brain power on this than anything else today.

[–]Kittiesaresonice 5 points6 points ago

You son of a bitch...

[–]benjaminius 7 points8 points ago

I figured something like that was coming and did it anyway. Hooray for random math!

[–]MythicalLeopard 15 points16 points ago

The Joke's on him, I like math.

[–]bpenner 7 points8 points ago

just the worst kind of person

[–]AdriaticSoup 7 points8 points ago

132

[–]MrsRatt 21 points22 points ago

Well.... I got 69, so there's that.

[–]Whitawolf 16 points17 points ago

You got me. Well played.

[–]Paddy_Tanninger 6 points7 points ago

I got 205...is that right?

[–]bvanman 4 points5 points ago

203, what do I win?

[–]chronodestroyer 3 points4 points ago

Anyone else get 119?

[–]albinogoldfish 20 points21 points ago

[–]jetaimemina 3 points4 points ago

[–]Ndvorsky 3 points4 points ago

You're welcome

[–]Kalashnikafka 3 points4 points ago

I just flipped the bird to my computer and told it to fuck off.

[–]Tical83 4 points5 points ago

LOLOL nice

[–]razorbeam 4 points5 points ago

RES ruined this for me ಠ_ಠ

[–]getmarshall 4 points5 points ago

Good thing I was drunk when I read this.

When you asked me to start adding some shit (like the second line), I said fuck it and just scrolled to the bottom.

Yes, I always have someone sober-er than I check my bar tab/tip before signing it.

Edit: Third line. <hic>

[–]jordan23140 1 point2 points ago

I hope you step on a Lego.

[–]Thehyperninja 10 points11 points ago

I dont get it...

[–]iguessillexplain 18 points19 points ago

People were expecting it to be one of those magic math tricks where no matter what number you pick the answer will always be the same after a series of simple equations. The thing is people are aware of these math tricks and some will choose some crazy number in an effort to cheat the system making a lot of work for themselves.

[–]GrowdonTreeman 6 points7 points ago

That just ruined my day. Thanks a lot.

[–]ductaperecorder 2 points3 points ago

In case anyone was wondering, my number was 196...

[–]Thirdyearfreshmen 2 points3 points ago

My number was 49. I know nothing special.

[–]mdbloomer 2 points3 points ago

slow clap

[–]scwizard 2 points3 points ago

MIND = BLOWN

[–]jgmoods 2 points3 points ago

HNNNNG

[–]HurstT 2 points3 points ago

185 great...I want my 5 seconds back :(

[–]lookieausername 2 points3 points ago

I got 135. My number was 52. How old am I?

[–]douglasr007 2 points3 points ago

67

Yep. You're 24 and picked 7 as your number.

[–]Zoeysmom 2 points3 points ago

155! I win! But now I have a question... Can YOU figure out what my age is??

[–]GollyMissMolly 2 points3 points ago

I... I saw this on facebook first.

[–]mortarnpistol 2 points3 points ago

I did math, for this? Fuck.

Well done...

[–]FuglyShmugly 2 points3 points ago

I got 235. Also I laughed and finally fuck you.

[–]Ent_Guevera 2 points3 points ago

Fuck you

[–]_Jake93 9 points10 points ago

Lazy fact #234: I didn't pick a number in the beginning. :)

[–]Loki-L 26 points27 points ago

I had x picked out in my head and was waiting foe the point where x would be canceled out by one of the operations.

[–]okmkz 2 points3 points ago

You sly dog, you.

[–]sachegrande 7 points8 points ago

Thank you RES, you saved me from that one.

[–]CornCobButtHole 1 point2 points ago

Damn

[–]socks14 1 point2 points ago

You and your WIZARDY!!!

[–]Three_Headed_Monkey 1 point2 points ago

Shaggy dog arithmetic.

[–]ChargedCable 1 point2 points ago

You're welcome.

[–]LieksTurtles 1 point2 points ago

I was almost blown away at the end there since I had picked five...

[–]cynoclast 1 point2 points ago

9.4/10

[–]khue59 1 point2 points ago

Lol, It has been a while since i was trolled like this. Frow now on I will always read the comments first.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Shoulda had ol' Ricky lookin' suave and stuff at the end. Ya bastard.

[–]TheWorstFish 1 point2 points ago

You're welcome.

[–]meantism 1 point2 points ago

I got 149

[–]TheMightyCreep 1 point2 points ago

Called it.

[–]WILLSUCKDICK_4_KARMA 1 point2 points ago

I chose 1 and got 42, what does this mean!?

[–]otayyo 1 point2 points ago

I am glad I didn't math.

[–]losttheory 1 point2 points ago

I did say; Oh you cunt.

Well played good sir. Well played.

[–]McleanBurger 1 point2 points ago

the darkest kind of magic.

[–]RullyisJRM 1 point2 points ago

-_-' You got me, son. You got me.

[–]endymion32 1 point2 points ago

I just used variables. X for the original number; A for age. Each step was easy, and in the end I just had 2X + 2A + 5.

Go mathematical abstraction!

[–]just-a-normal-guy 1 point2 points ago

You made me pull out my calculator, dick..

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 1 point2 points ago

I stopped at the multiplying part.

[–]GeorgeTaylorG 1 point2 points ago

Got to the first step...then realized what was happening.

[–]leonox 1 point2 points ago

No obligatory stereotypical post about this not bothering Asians? (I'm Asian)

[–]NecronLordship 1 point2 points ago

My number ended up as 69...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

62

[–]Lhafey286 1 point2 points ago

Fuck off, I had to get up to find a calculator but then realized I had one on my computer. So I got doubly mad. And felt twice as stupid.

[–]zebulone 1 point2 points ago

42.

[–]netbiscuit 1 point2 points ago

I assumed it was a gif or something that was going to try to scare me so naturally, the first thing I did was scroll to the bottom.

[–]willsingforchocolate 1 point2 points ago

Aaahhh haha so got me.

[–]CitizenPremier 1 point2 points ago

Good thing I'm lazy as fuck. I chose 5 and pretended I was 5 years old.

[–]Kantei 1 point2 points ago

Thank you RES for letting me see the full image before I clicked.

[–]silent_p 1 point2 points ago

894! Did I get it right?

[–]omgimsuchadork 1 point2 points ago

No problem, you're welcome!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Well there goes 2 hours of my life I'll never get back.

[–]re_gina 1 point2 points ago

Not bad but would have been much funnier if the math wasn't limited to a retarded 3rd grade level. Make me commit next time with some long division or at least multiply by 73 etc.!

[–]Swerdman55 1 point2 points ago

I got the number 123, so I assumed that was the gag... I was sadly mistaken.

[–]pacoliketaco 1 point2 points ago

great success.

[–]classcsilk 1 point2 points ago

You are not nice.

[–]trinidadnomad 1 point2 points ago

"son of a bitch...fuck you computer"

[–]Perceptionation 1 point2 points ago

This is one of those times being stoned has helped me out. I skipped it all, right to the bottom.

[–]sososowheeee 1 point2 points ago

I GOT 251 FUCK YOU

[–]blahcubed 1 point2 points ago

Well, at least it was easy math.

[–]SCVader 1 point2 points ago

DAMN YOU OP!

[–]beier5 1 point2 points ago

81

[–]banjaloupe 1 point2 points ago

Well now I just want to see the distribution of the numbers people ended up with...

[–]aryalissnin 1 point2 points ago

My lucky number is eleven...I was still entertained....do the math =)

[–]capnmikey 1 point2 points ago

I read the last line first, as I often do... then did it anyways .__.

[–]cottoncandysex 1 point2 points ago

"lemme see....carry the two aaaand.........fuck you"

[–]PessimisticWaves 1 point2 points ago

I came out with 97. Using this formula, can you figure out my age? Aaand... GO!

[–]ThePis7olStar 1 point2 points ago

I picked 77 at first and got 169. I thought that was the joke.

[–]loser23ddy 1 point2 points ago

Fuck, I even broke out the TI-83 :-(

[–]dopeaquarium 1 point2 points ago

This is kind of awesome; a multiplicity of calculations took place as a result of this post. It's like a cybernetic tree has been birthed.

[–]qpucka 1 point2 points ago

at first i was like, "oh fun! i remember these!"
then i was all, "wait... this is the internet." scroll scroll lulz.

[–]JohnWL 1 point2 points ago

Fuuuuck you

[–]MaseDog 1 point2 points ago

I just spent 7 minutes doing this math in my head at a [6] Thanks for the mental sweat

[–]ArtSmass 1 point2 points ago

That was awesome. Especially because halfway through I was like where is this going?..(scrolled down) I'll give you a draw because it was still a good sneaky try.

[–]JesterAzazel 1 point2 points ago

I already know how these work so I just scrolled down to the bottom... Well, how they work when they aren't trolling in the end.

[–]1onflux 1 point2 points ago

got out my calculator and everything

[–]shadytradesman 1 point2 points ago

haHA! Always scroll down first. :)

[–]lBlAlRlClOlDl3l 1 point2 points ago

I admit defeat.

[–]_Ravist_ 1 point2 points ago

So I chose 16, then I added 16 to my age, which is 16... I got 32, multiply it by 2 = 64 + 5...

69

Double trolled. Touche, asshole.

[–]RandomSegue 1 point2 points ago

But how did it know I was going to get trolled?

[–]greatadrian 1 point2 points ago

I said "what a cunt!" to my laptop.

[–]DevourMyself 1 point2 points ago

Jokes on you, I got the winning lottery number.

[–]captainlancemurdoch 1 point2 points ago

Ah, you got me fuck you and your shit.

[–]TheMotoHobo 1 point2 points ago

That made me chuckle so loud I nearly woke my wife. Funniest thing I've saw all day.

[–]HipsterWaldo 1 point2 points ago

Hoverzoom for the win.

[–]xShinobi 1 point2 points ago

I hate you.