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527
528

Jesus vs. Jeezus (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Titjiggle

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[–]MKRX 22 points23 points ago

I wonder if Jeezus sounds as annoying as his text looks.

[–]360walkaway 18 points19 points ago

Go watch Fox and find out.

[–]Circlejerk_Leak 7 points8 points ago

Fox News is literally a Nazi propaganda station.

[–]BigMac2341 15 points16 points ago

Literally! There's absolutely no difference between the two! Not at all!

[–]theDogsBollux 6 points7 points ago

Metaphorically speaking, I am not sure if you are being sarcastic.

[–]Ascott1989 8 points9 points ago

If you use literally in a sentence and you're trying to be metaphoric you're going to have a bad time.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

Metaphorical.

Sorry. Can't help it. Being a grammar Nazi is a terrible compulsion to have. But I try to be philosophic about it.

[–]bknoebel 1 point2 points ago

I couldn't even read most of it

[–]ProjectD13X 10 points11 points ago

Never got what was wrong with having money

[–]Bubonic_Ferret 6 points7 points ago

You are on Reddit. We don't like people who are more economically prosperous than us.

[–]ProjectD13X 6 points7 points ago

Sorry, I forgot, I unsubbed from /r/politics

[–]thatguy65 1 point2 points ago

Now skeeter he ain't hurt nobody

[–]zqmp1029 3 points4 points ago

The whole charity thing. There was some story in the bible about how a bunch of rich church folk were donating to a temple and making a stink about it. Then some woman came by and contributed a small fraction of what they had so everyone mocked the shit out her. Subsequently Christ put the rich fucks in their place for not donating as large of a percentage of their income as the woman did.

So its kind of on the same level as that. If your rich then you're kinda not being as charitable as you could be. But personally i don't think such a story is as applicable today in light of the opportunities a person has with investing their savings and providing opportunities for others. Because waiting til death to donate your money will allow you to have a larger sum to donate postmortem due to the excess return you would receive after a life time of investing. But what-evs.

Wow, I really digressed there didn't I?

[–]ProjectD13X 5 points6 points ago

Digress? Nahhhhhh, but I think donating postmortem isn't the best option, I think slowly and carefully spending your money until you die Bill Gates/Andrew Carnegie style is the way to go

[–]Syn7axError 1 point2 points ago

Never got what was wrong with being gay, either.

[–]leodavin843 0 points1 point ago

For many people, but not all (still most though), money causes power which causes corruption.

[–]Bhbtherock 5 points6 points ago

I love how Jeezus looks like Chuck Norris

[–]rasputine 0 points1 point ago

Same person.

[–]Colemanimation 2 points3 points ago

Blasphemy.

To Chuck that is.

[–]Ragnalypse 9 points10 points ago

Really? Isn't the bible against gay sex? Or are we just ignoring facts for the hell of it now?

[–]theDogsBollux 2 points3 points ago

You are completely missing the point. Many Christians, particularly conservative Americans pass judgment on homosexuals, while they perform sinful acts considered legal by society. They decide that they can make laws taking away the rights of homosexuals, yet they would never fight to make laws that ban other "sinful" acts. This selective bible-thumping is bigotry, plain and simple, yet Christians convince themselves they are acting upon God's will (even though the very same bible teaches the opposite).

[–]Ragnalypse -1 points0 points ago

If it's any consolation, I see a near future where prejudice against homosexuals is equated to prejudice against blacks... I only fear how omnidirectionally butthurt we'll be, as prejudice will be largely antiquated but the hatred of prejudice will remain strong.

[–]WhereIsMyCakeBaby 8 points9 points ago

There are (to the best of my knowledge) two references to gay sex in the bible (ignoring the Genesis diatribe that is often attributed to homosexuality, but varies depending on your translation of the bible). One in Leviticus, one written by Paul. Neither have anything to do with gay sex, at all. Jesus is not reported to have spoken about homosexuality in any of the cannon or in any accounts of his actions that are not part of standard Christian cannon.

[–]TrolltasticLogic 1 point2 points ago

And the one in Leviticus is possibly mistranslated/misinterpreted. I remember seeing something somewhere that said it's actually about raping another mans "property" (wife).

[–]yesmanapple 0 points1 point ago

I doubt it's mistranslated.

[–]Ragnalypse 4 points5 points ago

"It is clear, however, that the Bible condemns homosexuality as an immoral and unnatural sin. Leviticus 18:22 identifies homosexual sex as an abomination, a detestable sin. Romans 1:26-27 declares homosexual desires and actions to be shameful, unnatural, lustful, and indecent. First Corinthians 6:9 states that homosexuals are unrighteous and will not inherit the kingdom of God."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

You gonna provide a source for that quote?

[–]Ragnalypse 1 point2 points ago

It quotes the bible, that's the source.

I only used quotation marks to denote that the writing was not my own, so no-one would be like "THIS GUY'S A PHONY, A BIG FAT PHONY!"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

Still good form to source where you quote from even if the relevant material is the references made by the source.

[–]Ragnalypse -4 points-3 points ago

Are you a librarian, or are you a teacher?

[–]WhereIsMyCakeBaby -1 points0 points ago

Here I thought we were talking about Jesus. Drivel in the epistles that have nothing to do with Jesus are not the word of Jesus. And if you want to bring Leviticus into play, well, wow, that is rife with double talk and basic ass-hatery.

[–]holy_holy_holy 0 points1 point ago

So your answer is "not if you believe hard enough"?

[–]MisterAwesome333 2 points3 points ago

I'm going to be honest: Speaking as a full, 100% atheist, I think some of the qualities Jesus emulates as he's depicted in the Bible (whether he existed or not) are pretty decent and moral. Maybe everyone ought to follow a little bit more what Jesus allegedly taught than how they interpret it.

[–]Syn7axError 4 points5 points ago

Oh, of course. There are 2 problems though: 1. Just because the majority of the bible is clean, people assume some of the worse parts must be legitimate too, which couldn't be more wrong. the bible still advocates many immoral things.

  1. People treat him at the level of a god. There's nothing wrong with treating him as a great philosopher like Gandhi or MLK or anything, but right now, people treat him as the only source of any information.

[–]equinoxin 3 points4 points ago

totally, i hate those fanatics that read the bible every fucking day, pouring every verse, reading into things that doesn't really exist, while ignoring EVERY other source. shit, a freaking piece of bread could probably be symbolized into a 100 different things........every other sermon..

[–]Abatton 1 point2 points ago

Repost but i always like to read it.

[–]andersonb47 1 point2 points ago

The illustrations are really enough.

[–]buttsmcbutts 1 point2 points ago

I'd like to upvote this several more times and become bffs

[–]jbenuniv 1 point2 points ago

Look! It's Supply-Side Jesus!

[–]Aptspire 0 points1 point ago

Why hello there, Andrew Ryan ;)

[–]GeneralMittens 1 point2 points ago

That font killed my eyes

[–]snitsky 1 point2 points ago

me too

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

As much as I like "JESVS," there's shit like John 14:6 that still says we're all going to hell.

[–]electriophile 1 point2 points ago

The font... IT BURNS!

[–]Aavagadrro 1 point2 points ago

I kinda resent the M16 he is holding on the right. Some of us atheists like guns too, and its good for us to have them lest idiots who believe in fairy tales try to abscond with our rights by using theirs.

[–]WirelessZombie 0 points1 point ago

That bit about throwing stones is not a part of the bible but was added only a few hundred years ago.

[–]Late1110 0 points1 point ago

Really? How do you know?

[–]cacti147 0 points1 point ago

i wish i had more upvotes to give you. i think jesus was a pretty cool guy, but fuck do i hate what he has become.

it makes a lot of sense to me now. everything about jesus was cool until he died. and now after 2000 years what he has become, is everything he was against. cool guy jesus was gone, and in his place rick santorum.

[–]ChaosofAges 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who read "I am the state!" and thought of Darth Sidious saying "I. AM. THE SENATE."?

[–]Ampersands_Of_Time 0 points1 point ago

repost

[–]Ilovesparky13 0 points1 point ago

Actually, it's Cheezus, not Jeezus.

[–]Colemanimation 0 points1 point ago

Sacrelicious!

[–]UsernameYUNOWORK 0 points1 point ago

Even as an atheist, I really like the guy on the left. Christians who follow that guy are what all Christians should be like. Christianity has become, at least in the US, a power-hungry, bastardized version of what the Bible said it was. TV evangelism makes me sick, the way they use religion to suck money out of idiots who think they now have a ticket to heaven. The self-righteous attitudes of protesters outside abortion clinics, who think that they should decide what happens to you, though when someone else tries to take away their rights, they complain and whine and accuse them or a "war or religion." War on religion my ass, you just aren't getting exactly what you want, and you aren't getting what you want for others, even if they don't want it.

[–]holy_holy_holy 0 points1 point ago

And yet both versions insist that if you don't blindly worship Christ then you are deserving of eternal torture and damnation, so...

[–]Atreyu429 0 points1 point ago

Louis XIV said "I am the State".

[–]sunshine9628 0 points1 point ago

THIS IS SO ACCURATE!!!

[–]GordonFremen 0 points1 point ago

If only the rest of the Bible had such nice things to say.

[–]FUCKSHITCUNTASSBITCH 0 points1 point ago

Why can I only upvote once again?

[–]johnarnaud 0 points1 point ago

If you want any more by the author you can find it [here](thepaincomics.com), the guy's name is Tim Kreider and most of it is dripping with his very cutting wit

*edit: forgot word

[–]RogueJD 0 points1 point ago

Vehement anti-theist here... Those quotes are HORRIBLY out of context. Do better.

[–]JosefTheFritzl 0 points1 point ago

Not going to lie, I prefer white Jesus. That might make me a racist, but I mean c'mon man...that dude just looks chipper as a chipmunk with a Chuck Norris face.

Bet he's ripped under those robes, too, although that's not very American.

[–]Darthcaboose 2 points3 points ago

Are you kidding me, the Jesus on the left looks epic. His eyes are two different colors! How can that not be awesome-sauce?

[–]PhonyUsername 0 points1 point ago

r/atheism - almost just as bad as fundies....

[–]09112001 -5 points-4 points ago

Here, FTFY.

[–]K__a__M__I 6 points7 points ago

You know that your pic clearly states 'Saint Paul', right?

[–]09112001 1 point2 points ago

You know that St. Paul made up most of "Jesus", right?

Ugh, I clearly came back too late.

[–]autoNFA -2 points-1 points ago

Just so you know, Jesus was fine with the Old Testament (Matthew 5:17). The document that supports genocide and slavery and stands against homosexuality and mixed-fiber cloth.

Matthew 10:34: "I come not to bring peace, but to bring a sword." Kind of goes against the whole "Jesus was nonviolent and peace-loving" propaganda I keep hearing.

Bottom line: Jesus said some nice things that weren't that revolutionary, in addition to supporting the crazy Old Testament bullshit and contradicting himself all over the place.

[–]Colemanimation 0 points1 point ago

Well, to be truthful about Matthew 10:34 Jesus didn't mean literally war. He meant his teachings were controversial and those who believed them would come under persecution.

Not that that's good or anything, people certainly died for his ludicrous teachings. What a waste.

[–]autoNFA 0 points1 point ago

If that were true, it would be a very different use of "sword" than when he says "all who draw the sword will die by the sword" in Matthew 26:52. He also was explicitly against peace. Saying he didn't literally mean war is a stretch at best.

[–]Colemanimation 0 points1 point ago

He is definitely using it differently. I hate to use the old 'context' argument, but it does really matter.

The surrounding passages are all about keeping strong in faith. The passages leading up to it warn about denying Jesus. Then it goes further to say he will cause families to split up and that if you can't put your faith before your family you won't get into heaven.

It's a warning, saying that people will try to kill you and your families will disown you, and if your faith falters because of it you're going to burn.

It's still a disturbing passage in my mind, but not one advocating violence.

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