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all 123 comments

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]TheRedArrow 33 points34 points ago*

Internet high five for you. That joke's hilarious and I'm stealing it.

[–]teambroto 6 points7 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Whenthenighthascome 1 point2 points ago

Be our guest, be our guest put our something something to the test

[–]Follow_Follow 10 points11 points ago

See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest.

[–]DaJoW 4 points5 points ago

Service. "Put our service to the test".

[–]EazyHB 0 points1 point ago

Typical reddit re-poster

[–]Inky_musty 9 points10 points ago

Is it sad that I'm 20 years old and don't get it?

[–]tutae 25 points26 points ago

Kinda. You'll get there soon chap.

[–]FeierInMeinHose 11 points12 points ago

Is it sad that I'm 19 and haven't had my first kiss, but understand the joke from personal experience?

[–]Bacon_Hero 3 points4 points ago

How is this possible?

[–]corney91 22 points23 points ago

Could be... wait for it... female gasp

[–]FeierInMeinHose 1 point2 points ago

Lol, no. My first girlfriend refused to kiss, but loved 69ing. I think it has something to do with her being molested as a child; maybe she was forced to kiss her assailant?

[–]bluereindeer 7 points8 points ago

rape

[–]Second_Foundationeer 4 points5 points ago

Yes. But for some reason, it doesn't turn you off.

[–]betterthanthee -1 points0 points ago

very

[–]cameron432 3 points4 points ago

Oldest dirty joke in the book, and I love it. Haha.

[–]whoami9 12 points13 points ago

Since the correlation in smells between lady parts and fish likely predates the existence of books, it is possible that this dirty joke is in fact older than books.

/Buzz Killington

[–]lil-cthulhu 8 points9 points ago

So we've narrowed the age of this joke to somewhere before the invention of books and after the invention of vaginas.... How much does that narrow it down?

[–]throwaway_010512 2 points3 points ago

Vaginas existed before language, and language existed before complex imagination. So probably during the last few tens of thousands of years :)

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]superhope 0 points1 point ago

Smell is probably our earliest evolved sense. So after vaginas and eating fish.

[–]throwaway_010512 0 points1 point ago

Smell actually existed with some of the first animals. The limiting factors are language and complex imagination (so people could tell jokes). The first guy who smelled a vagina and had a sense of humor was probably the one who started the joke. This was probably about 50000-30000 years ago.

[–]MsOhHai -1 points0 points ago

Uh. Did you know that you can put things into books that weren't originally there? No one is claiming, implicitly or otherwise, that somehow books heralded the arrival of the joke. They sometimes fill museums, built within the past couple centuries (most, I would imagine?), with stuff that is older than the museum. Would the oldest fossil ever found, once put in a museum, not be called the oldest fossil in the museum?

Feel bad about your post and grow from it.

[–]Sergnb 2 points3 points ago

innocent brofist

NOONE SEES US COMING.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I think we should touch on this later.

[–]Kiyokami 2 points3 points ago

I really don't understand the joke. Can you explain?

[–]LarzHoneytoast 21 points22 points ago

I will. It's basically like.. Colt 45 and two zig zags, baby that's all we need. We can go to the park, after dark, and smoke that tumble weed.

[–]taffy-nay 0 points1 point ago

'N' as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn singin' 'em dirrty rap songs. Stop 'n' 'it tha bong like Cheech & Chong. 'N sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.

[–]sweagle 18 points19 points ago

There are two things that smell like fish. One is fish.

[–]electricmice 0 points1 point ago

this would only be hot/cute if your'e a girl.

[–]aliennick4812 70 points71 points ago

As I remember Friends was in black and white.

[–]xtrasneakygastro 20 points21 points ago

just in case you dont know, it drops the filesize dramatically if you make it greyscale

[–]TheMagnificentChrome 0 points1 point ago

Because in this day and age we really need to conserve our file sizes.

[–]xtrasneakygastro 0 points1 point ago

needs to be <2MB to upload to imgur, this also makes it load faster and look smoother

[–]aerikson 4 points5 points ago

It was a classy joint. The Louie of its time.

[–]PsychoNerd91 49 points50 points ago

This was the reaction I got whenever I swore. I hardly swear (I'm a polite person) but when I do, it makes people think differently about me.

I do however swear like a bitch when playing games. Fucking spawn campers.

[–]moose_man 15 points16 points ago

I swear all the time. It's just that people THINK I don't. So they pull one of these when I go "FUCK this."

[–]neosenexism 7 points8 points ago

Yes! There have been so many times where people are surprised when I curse, even though I say "fuck" in just about every other sentence.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]PsychoNerd91 5 points6 points ago*

Please, I'm so innocent that if I swore in out-rage, people wouldn't take me seriously, not because they don't take me seriously, but because I'm just generally not a threatening looking person.

[–]SI_isL0v3 0 points1 point ago

I know that feel bro

[–]it2d -2 points-1 points ago

What's inherently rude about swearing?

[–]PsychoNerd91 2 points3 points ago

Over the generations swearing was frowned upon because of it's main derogatory intent.

[–]Kai_Daigoji 28 points29 points ago

I had a young innocent coworker recently tell me that she asked her boyfriend for a pearl necklace for valentines. I still don't know how I kept a straight face.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

[–]noodledoodle2 19 points20 points ago

As the person who was tagged as "the innocent one" this reaction really pissed me off. Most people seemed to think I was freaking asexual or something just because I didn't broadcast my personal life like it was everyone's business....

[–]stopstigma 1 point2 points ago

I agree with you completely! I am very personal about my sex life, it is something for me and my partner to hear no one else. Because of this people think I'm innocent when I actually have a pretty kinky sex life. -.-

[–]MidnightDemon 1 point2 points ago

Upboat for this! I only talk to one of my friends, but we've been close friends for nay 10 years now. Everyone else thinks I'm only the honors grad student, hard working nice vanilla person I act like in public, and it's no of there business about it anyhow. Shouldn't change the way you see a close friend.

[–]Kinetic_Waffle 40 points41 points ago

I know this girl, sweetest little thing you'll ever meet, pretty and adorable, virgin, never touched beer or drugs, really high achiever in her degree, all round adorable. Discussing sex with some friends, one of which is gay, the topic of anal comes up. She comes out with,

"Yeah, I can get off to anal... I know most girls can't, but if you take it slow and use lots of lube, it's actually really fun!"

Dead silence. Nobody says a fucking word, we're all just sitting there frozen from the moment she said "anal", some of us with beerglasses halfway to our mouths, frozen in time. She just shrugs, sips her orange juice, and says,

"What? None of you guys are interested in me, so I can drop the good girl act."

Turns out she acted like an absolute sweetheart so that guys would find it mindblowing when she went bad for them, got kinky, drunk and completely crazy with them, but hadn't realized we'd all made a kind of silent agreement not to be 'that scumbag guy' of the group who asked her out and hooked up with her, she didn't care about us knowing.

Fun facts I've since found out: She lost her virginity at 16, gives the best blowjobs on campus, is really into S&M, and that orange juice she was drinking had three shots of vodka in it.

[–]OJ_Rifkin 15 points16 points ago

this happened

[–]Kinetic_Waffle 2 points3 points ago

Yup.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

Don't you ruin this for me!

[–]Kinetic_Waffle -1 points0 points ago

Well, now I'm mildly freaked out, as her last name is Ramen. Hello?

[–]MsOhHai 2 points3 points ago

How many licks does it take to get to the center of you? I ask because you are quite clearly an all day sucker if I ever seen one (and I did).

[–]Kinetic_Waffle -2 points-1 points ago

Hah, true, I should have realized, but there really were no indicators that she was anything but. She kept her private life and university totally separate, and never talked about that stuff, so we all just thought it was totally legit.

[–]MsOhHai 1 point2 points ago

I just always have a general distrust of girls who disavow any personal sexual proclivity. I've had a friend or two make a similar (albeit less extreme) "confession." Ya gotta read between the liiinnnesss, man.

[–]Kinetic_Waffle -5 points-4 points ago

Yeah, I realize that now... a girl I know is 'asexual', and doesn't feel sexual desire or do anything sex related. Apparently. Right, because you just unwrote six billion years of genetic code based on one fundamental drive, being to reproduce! Suuuure.

[–]MsOhHai 1 point2 points ago

Well, that same argument could be said for homosexuality, which doesn't result in reproduction, and that exists. Asexuality is a thing. The red flag is when they have a moral abhorrence for it, or when they say something like, "That's something other girls do." If it's an emotional subject for them, no trust, no trust at all. But if they matter-of-factly claim to be asexual, and don't get weirded out by sex jokes or the like, eh, maybe they're on the up & up. It's still rather unlikely, but it's not like everyone successfully reproduces.

[–]Kinetic_Waffle -1 points0 points ago

Homosexuality is still the desire for sex, though. Still instinctive attraction... All the asexual folks I've talked to basically have a rule of not talking about sex around them.

[–]MsOhHai 1 point2 points ago

Point is that sexuality is still not free from nature or nurture. Even a small mutation can shut off something we consider innate in all humans. If it can be "misdirected" (no judgment) away from heterosexuality, I think it can also be rendered inert.

[–]stopstigma 1 point2 points ago

Asexuality is real, tons and tons and tons of people are asexual . Sometimes ppl aren't asexual and have medical issues affecting libido, but those that don't it is legitimate.no one really knows the cause much like we don't have a good grasp on the cause of homosexuality but closer and closer to biological.

Just because most humans have a desire to reproduce doesn't mean that all humans came hot wired to do that. As someone else said u can get glitches in biology, look at the gays, you don't get pregnant that way. Note- am gay no offense to gay people

[–]fuckmylifes 5 points6 points ago

that last part about the orange juice killed me

[–]TheFavorite 4 points5 points ago

That is me more often than not :/

[–]StellaMaroo 4 points5 points ago

I unknowingly do this all the time. Usually half way through my comment I realize what I'm saying but I finish anyway.

Tonight I went to 7-11 to pick up a soda. The cashier reaches out to pick it up so he can scan it but knocks it over instead. My reaction. He said "oops, you want me to get another one." I said "No. I guess I'll just let it explode in my mouth."

When I said the word "explode" my voice dipped because I knew the my reply could be construed as sexual. He laughed and handed me my drink.

... But then again I might be the only one slapping a double entendre on things people say.

[–]funnyhowlifeworks -4 points-3 points ago

Upvote for use of "double entendre".

[–]RosieJo 2 points3 points ago

The moment when Joey realises that Monica and Chandler are screwing.

And I just realised I watch too much friends.

[–]GOU_NoMoreMrNiceGuy 2 points3 points ago

actually this is one of the reasons why being asian is really spectacularly entertaining.

nobody suspects the asian guy... until it's too late.

[–]BeingSeriousHere 2 points3 points ago

The clip from the gif: LINK

[–]Gaminic 2 points3 points ago

Also a fun thing to do: together with a few friends, pick out someone else in the friend circle, preferably the most innocent one. When the jokes start getting dirtier and dirtier, wait until the innocent one weighs in [a few times]. When (s)he does, you (and the friends who are in on the joke) immediately stop laughing, look shocked and be quiet for a few seconds, as if that joke was completely over the top.

[–]flamants 15 points16 points ago

so is reddit really becoming that stupid gif-titling tumblr site all of my facebook friends post from every 2 seconds?

[–]Tonyfreeholy 9 points10 points ago*

I blame r/trees. Half of the shit in that subreddit are gifs with something like "My face at a [7] when…" as the title. Since that subreddit is so popular, the mentality that creates and upvotes those posts spread to the other subreddits.

[–]Von_Dredd 4 points5 points ago

Gentlemen, I think we've found a genuine negative side effect to weed.

[–]Tonyfreeholy 5 points6 points ago

r/trees represents cannabis users like ICP represents hip hop.

[–]kellygene 1 point2 points ago

Amenbrotha!

[–]loulan 2 points3 points ago*

My front page is full of pictures and videos. Barely any articles at all anymore.

[–]deathlordoo 1 point2 points ago

I never tire of peoples reactions towards me.

[–]RockemSockemBrobots 1 point2 points ago

People have innocent friends?

[–]phillipniblett 1 point2 points ago

this happened about 3 days ago, we where on school camp and the innocent religious farm girl screamed CREAM PIE!! and pointed at one of my friends mouths that had mayonnaise on the side of it, that gif was my exact reaction. about 50 kids laughed 10 had no idea what she had said and the teachers all looked at her with these giant wide eyes.

[–]raddisease 1 point2 points ago

The problem with this, in my experience is: the innocent one is the least innocent f them all.

I've been on the internet for a very long time, and I've seem awful things. However, when I get comfortable enough around people to joke with them and such things, they always act surprised and claimed they corrupted me. Then I have to explain that, if anything, I will corrupt them long before they can corrupt me. After all, they're not from the internet.

[–]MyRequim 0 points1 point ago

Same here. I work building sets and some of the things said around me should make "innocent little me" blush, instead when I laugh the guys get these big eyes and apologize for saying that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Another caption for this is "when my super strict Mormon friends say fuck," at least that's what I also see it as.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

[–]dont_shit_urknickers 1 point2 points ago

Ha Ha Matt Leblanc, he truly is a king among men

Gods work my son.....Gods work

[–]fuzzycuffs 1 point2 points ago

Everybody has their kinks. Some are just more open about it than others.

[–]Toober1289 5 points6 points ago

Great episode! I'm probably going to get downvoted like nuts but is there a friends subreddit?

[–]sinrith 3 points4 points ago

Why yes there is..../r/central_perk

[–]roseh42 3 points4 points ago

[–]Toober1289 0 points1 point ago

The howyoudoin one seems more legit with more followers and thank the both of you very much. Here have some upvotes

[–]Toastacheese 1 point2 points ago

And then laugh for 20 minutes lol

[–]alittlelamb 1 point2 points ago

One of my best friends looks like she's an elementary school child. Since she's not really a child and is a teenager, she cusses like a sailor. Upon first meeting her, most people are like "aww, you're so adorable!" And when she starts talking about sex and swearing, 99% of the time, strangers are like :O

It's become somewhat of a running joke with our friends. We get her to say the most absurd and inappropriate things in front of strangers and their reactions are priceless!

[–]papa_bear_uk 0 points1 point ago

I was expecting this story to go a different way....and I hang my head in shame

[–]Jun3Bug 1 point2 points ago

This is people's reaction to when they hear how many gfs I've had. I'm like the biggest nerd on the planet.

[–]whathappenedwas 0 points1 point ago

There comes an age when you don't have 'innocent' friends anymore. You must not be this age.

[–]crystalmyst 14 points15 points ago

What age is that? I'm 31 and am still the 'innocent' friend. :(

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

I think the response is less about what was said, and more about who said it.

[–]MsOhHai 0 points1 point ago

He's saying this who doesn't exist. He's wrong, but that's what he's saying.

[–]whathappenedwas 0 points1 point ago

Definitely the truth. This post just felt like it was posted by someone younger than the people I usually associate with reddit commenters. Comment tried to avoid asking OP directly for their age, which would be creepy on the internets.

[–]NoJowk 0 points1 point ago

Then you say something dirty and they are all like, "omg derp! You have such a drty mind."

[–]Lots42 -1 points0 points ago

For me, it was "I said something dirty and she was all like "OMG derp, tell me more." and yowza.

[–]MAD_HAMMISH 0 points1 point ago

I remember the first time my innocent friend called me a "Ass-fucking Douche-cunt" when I pulled a fast one in the middle of a card game. I laughed so hard I nearly suffocated.

[–]TinoTonitini 0 points1 point ago

She was missing her eyeliner?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

i used to get that reaction too. but, to be honest, i was never really innocent, just kinda shy and withdrawn.

[–]Igor_the_barbarian 0 points1 point ago

I was the innocent one, and I can tell you, we're not all that innocent.

[–]MrMcQuone 0 points1 point ago

My innocent friend, who I hadn't spoke to in about half a year, suddenly became pregnant last month. It took a few days and several conversations for me to believe it

[–]Qubrick 0 points1 point ago

Thats how i roll

[–]y2kh8r 0 points1 point ago

I'm 35 and what is this?

[–]omber 0 points1 point ago

Oh yes. Cute girl that chats with me at Starbucks (short, skinny, doesnt go out, drinks chocolate milk and not booze, loves dinsey): "Me and my mom got our labia pierced".

[–]Jesh010 0 points1 point ago

it opens up a whole new world

[–]mizderi 0 points1 point ago

or you're the innocent one and your friends just let you go around saying it and you have noooo idea what it actually means.

and weeks later you find out what it reaaaaally means. whoops.

[–]TopHat54 0 points1 point ago

A few years ago, I had a "friends with benefits" situation with one of my friends' younger sister, who was a part of our group of friends (she was only a year younger).

She was a very "innocent girl", or so they all thought. If only they knew how much she enjoyed blowjobs and anal...

[–]coaltown 7 points8 points ago*

Yeah your "friends" younger sister. Pervert.

[–]faggotree 4 points5 points ago

They were just wrestling.

[–]that-freakin-guy -1 points0 points ago

Your*

[–]Willeth 0 points1 point ago

[–]scvnext -1 points0 points ago

Someday I will go through all of Friends and Fresh Prince.

[–]BeniGoat -1 points0 points ago

This is my reaction when the pizza delivery guy knocks when I'm high as shit.

[–]yobob123 -1 points0 points ago

My girlfriend is that really innocent person. She once told a coworker that she brings a blanket to the theater to stay warm during the movie. He said that he brought a blanket too, but not to stay warm. She didn't get it while I laughed my ass off next to her.

[–]band_geek -1 points0 points ago

That's been people's reactions to me over the past several months. I've been dating my current boyfriend for a year and ten months now, and I'm finally coming out of my shell about sex. Every time the subject comes up now and I don't blush and try to hide and instead start joining in, they all look at me like I'm on fire or something.