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1818
1819

How my girlfriend feels when I wake up wanting sex. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by MrShibato

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[–]khdutton 440 points441 points ago

Dat pussy ain't gonna budge.

[–]ladeedaaaa 41 points42 points ago

This is, of course, subject to individual variation, but it's possible that it's not that she isn't horny, but that she feels mildly gross in the morning and wants to brush her teeth/hair/splash some water on her face before she gets going. I love morning sex, but will generally get up and freshen up a little before doing the deed. It's important to most women that the dude is highly attracted to us during, so if we're not feeling our hottest, give us a minute to do our morning bathroom things. That might do the trick.

[–]PancakeTune 43 points44 points ago

Minute? Fifteen minutes? Thirty? Boner -> dead.

[–]gpgag 9 points10 points ago

Yup, no way that boner's coming back.

[–]poopdedoop 11 points12 points ago

Because remember people. Once a boner is lost, it's lost forever.

[–]nyerinohio 7 points8 points ago

This goes both ways. If he's got morning breath, I am not turned on.

[–]OILikeThat 2 points3 points ago

What do yo mean if. Its called morning breath for a reason.

[–]OILikeThat 1 point2 points ago

We will think your hot no matter what, our dick is wet. You must not know how guys work.

load more comments (3 replies)

    [–]Tactful 306 points307 points ago*

    Do people actually feel this way? I know its one of those reverse-cliches, but if she's not getting off I'm not getting off. It's like... I don't know, it's like when you watch porn and the girl's clearly not enjoying it. It's just a turn off really.

    I honestly can't imagine just pounding away on someone whose obviously only tolerating your sexy actions. There's something that seems so horribly submissive about it.

    Also: guys who only "tolerate" eating girls out. Really? You actually don't like that? I fucking love it, all that writhing and peaking pleasure... I did that! It's the some sort of primordial feeling as when you're a kid and do a big poo in the adult toilet and want to show people. Look mum! Look what I did! I made my girlfriend cum!

    [–]BHannify 643 points644 points ago

    It was all good until the toilet reference.

    [–]AREYOUSauRuS 141 points142 points ago

    Ya, I was like "is he trying to set up the sensible guy act for reddit girls".... then we got to

    a big poo in the adult toilet and want to show people

    and all was lost

    [–]matt_thelazy 6 points7 points ago

    Damn it how many of you people are hooking up behind my back. High school all over again.

    [–]jarde 2 points3 points ago

    There ain't nothin' wrong with makin' your girlfriend cum by making a big poo in the adult toilet! Fucking haters!

    [–]Tactful 32 points33 points ago

    Maybe not as many people are familiar with dat feel as I first presumed.

    [–]badgertheshit 102 points103 points ago

    you might say it could have been more ...Tactful

    [–]zgalucard 68 points69 points ago

    ( •_•) ....( •_•)> ⌐■-■ ....(⌐■_■)

    [–]WiglyWorm 7 points8 points ago

    http://cow.org/csi

    [–]ichabodguitar 1 point2 points ago

    YEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

    [–]YEEEAAAAHHHHH 1 point2 points ago

    YEEEAAAAAHHHHH

    load more comments (1 reply)

      [–]Zer_Mortice 49 points50 points ago

      Talking about eating a girl out and then shifting suddenly, horribly, towards poo. Yeah, no, that's not sexy

      [–]EntScents 29 points30 points ago*

      I know I was pretty stoked about it. First time I took a shit in the adult toilet I promptly informed my mom. We went to Sears and she bought me a Thomas the Tank Engine toy for a job well done.

      [–]Tactful 34 points35 points ago

      I had the whole fucking Thomas set. Back in the days when they were metal and not plastic.

      Sold them all at a car boot sale years back, biggest regret of my life aside from the entire rest of my life.

      [–]JudgeWhoAllowsStuff 7 points8 points ago

      You must have taken a lot of shits.

      load more comments (1 reply)

        [–]Jafit 10 points11 points ago

        Whatever floats your boat. I'm not judging.

        [–]johnnygrant 56 points57 points ago

        Whatever floats in your bowl

        FTFY

        load more comments (6 replies)

          [–]woodyallenesque 106 points107 points ago

          In regards to the fact some guys don't like to eat a girl out, I would rather those guys not even try because if they hate it they suck at it and it's very frustrating as a girl to experience that...trust me... :(

          [–]SyKoHPaTh 147 points148 points ago

          My first marriage (and first experience doing oral), it tasted like shit. It wasn't until 5 years later where I happened to notice her finishing up in the restroom that she wiped from back to front. She was scooping leftover poop into her vagina, which explained why I hated doing it so much.

          Yes, I literally gagged every time I tried to do it. One time out of determination, I got slightly drunk and sat there with bottle in hand, taking a sip every time I couldn't tolerate the taste. Still couldn't get her off.

          My first relationship after the divorce, I made it clear I wasn't into giving oral. My new gf at the time wouldn't give up, and specially prepared her vagina so that it was a spotless paradise of honey-filled doughnuts. She had spent an hour in the shower working on it, preparing. Shaved and treated the skin so that there wasn't even any hint of redness, let alone a hair follicle. Needless to say, that first attempt with her went amazingly well (and every time after). That day, I learned not all vaginas are supposed to taste like shit.

          [–]nanowerx 114 points115 points ago

          And with that I am reluctantly off to lunch for the day...

          [–]fondlemeLeroy 61 points62 points ago

          Avoid anything with crunchy peanut butter.

          [–]Pants_R_Overatd 81 points82 points ago

          Oh just god damnit

          [–]ecmmyers 14 points15 points ago

          And no jolly ranchers.

          [–]kissmyleaf420 14 points15 points ago

          This comment was hidden, and i was like, oh here let me see what it is. Even though, of course, i knew EXACTLY WTF IT WAS CAUSE THIS IS REDDIT. I can only blame myself.

          load more comments (1 reply)

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              [–]EndOfUniverse 1 point2 points ago

              Im at lunch now and its gonna be beer for lunch after that.

              [–]Leafygreeno 1 point2 points ago

              Avoid any gristly steak.

              load more comments (1 reply)

                [–]gillyguthrie 38 points39 points ago

                She was scooping leftover poop into her vagina

                ಠ_ಠ

                [–]Sugarspy 49 points50 points ago

                I'm always surprised to hear that people actually wipe from back to front. It's fucking common sense not to. Poop is filled with bacteria. Your vagina and urethra are prone to infection. Definitely needs to be addressed better in school.

                [–]the_raptor 68 points69 points ago

                Definitely needs to be addressed better in school.

                No. Teaching kids how to shit properly should not be something schools need to teach.

                Christ, no wonder kids leave school knowing jack when the teachers have to waste time doing the parents job.

                [–]Freakazette 24 points25 points ago

                Parents who wipe wrong have kids who wipe wrong, and the only way to break the cycle is for an outside force to educate.

                They make us take health class in school. It's a perfect health topic. That, or teaching kids nutrition when their parents ultimately decide their diet... I think you can teach kids to wipe the right way first, and get to nutrition just before they're old enough to start cooking for themselves.

                [–]rustybuckets 6 points7 points ago

                Our gene pool must be getting shittier. 2,000 years ago I imagine they would have just died out from infection.

                [–]Perseus109 1 point2 points ago

                "Miss Sally, what are we learning today?" How to wipe your butt correctly. What I want to know is why the OP didn't educate her?

                load more comments (2 replies)

                  [–]mynameisflorian 1 point2 points ago

                  I remember our health teacher told the gals that it's important to wipe from front to back.

                  load more comments (1 reply)

                    [–]Lilcheeks 57 points58 points ago

                    And that is why you try before you buy

                    [–]ShadowRam 7 points8 points ago

                    Yup. Fuck buying a car without test driving it first.

                    There's too much at stake.

                    [–]maliaxeuphoria 20 points21 points ago

                    I was taught at an early age to not wipe back-to-front. It's gross, plus it's not healthy and could give you an infection of some sort.

                    [–]rachawakka 29 points30 points ago

                    Ain't that some shit...

                    [–]Lenn95 1 point2 points ago

                    Relevant

                    sorry for the eye burning quality.

                    load more comments (1 reply)

                      [–]iceeater 1 point2 points ago

                      I upvoted you because I pictured your face of agony while eating that shit smelling pussy. You could've probably won Fear Factor with that determination.

                      [–]elleyes 1 point2 points ago

                      bacterial vaginosis is extremely common and horrible. it tastes bad, it smells bad, it's so embarrassing for a girl and when we get it we're prescribed drugs that we cannot drink on as a bonus. the uterus is an ecosystem. everything must stay in balance.

                      load more comments (10 replies)

                        [–]SwedishSnus 29 points30 points ago

                        I eat out girls like they are an overfilled taco.

                        And yes its a bummer experience when the giver ain't passionate about going down under.

                        [–]woodyallenesque 9 points10 points ago

                        Where is Animates_Everything when I need him?

                        load more comments (4 replies)

                          [–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

                          You make it sound like guys haven't experienced bad head. If there isn't any enthusiasm just don't touch me, it's not gonna be fun for anyone.

                          [–]woodyallenesque 6 points7 points ago

                          Oh trust me, I know that guys get that too. It sucks for everyone involved.

                          [–]fiveinchpixie 1 point2 points ago

                          Or, rather... Doesn't.

                          load more comments (3 replies)

                            load more comments (2 replies)

                              [–]HideAndSheik 51 points52 points ago*

                              Girl here, so I can't really answer your question, but is it really that surprising that some guys don't like eating girls out? I consider it just one of those sexual personal preferences...some guys love it, others don't. Some girls love giving blowjobs, others don't. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, it's just whatever turns you on.

                              My husband feels pretty much exactly like you do. If he even gets a hint that I'm not fully enjoying it, it's a complete turn off and it's pretty much game over. It sounds like you (if you're anything like him) get off on giving pleasure...I guess some people just get off on receiving it. While intimate moments, connections, and mutual fun are your priorities, I don't think there's something inherently wrong with someone just wanting to get off. Same with eating girls out...while my husband absolutely loves it, I've talked to mutual friends that kind of shrug and say that they do it because their SO likes it, but it does nothing for them. Different strokes for different folks!

                              Edit: Also I am 100% the girl that does not like getting woken up to sex in the mornings. I am semi-addicted to sleep, so if I'm getting poked in the ass my first thought is irritation...I can't help it. :/ Catch me when I'm about to jump into the shower and it's a whoooole different story.

                              [–]lilaclace 5 points6 points ago

                              I'm much more likely to have spontaneous sex if waken up in the morning or middle of the night.

                              [–]FountainsOfFluids 1 point2 points ago

                              Makes me grateful for that girlfriend who "enjoyed waking up with a dick inside her."

                              That it was the same girl who didn't care for oral. She just wanted the main event.

                              [–]oniongasm 1 point2 points ago

                              Catch me when I'm about to jump into the shower and it's a whoooole different story.

                              See I'm all about the post-shower sex. Warm and wet and clean and mmmm. But then another shower is needed. Then again, as a former swimmer/lifeguard, taking many, many showers a day is nothing new to me.

                              [–]konekoanni 1 point2 points ago

                              Are you me? My husband loves morning sex, but I absolutely can't do it until I've had time to roll around and groan and hate the sun and have a cup of coffee.

                              load more comments (1 reply)

                                [–]northdancer 17 points18 points ago

                                You are the hero that cunnilingus needs.

                                [–]Tactful 39 points40 points ago

                                You wanna know how I got these scars?

                                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

                                "I got this from Nina Rollins, sophomore year. I'm going down on her, and out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her stomach. She does this big ol' pelvic thrust - cracks my tooth in half, sends it down my throat. I had to get a crown for the stub."

                                [–]TriggerNutzofDOOM 1 point2 points ago

                                Where'd ya get those scars tough guy? Eating pinapple? This is the safe for TV version.

                                load more comments (2 replies)

                                  [–]ragincajun83 25 points26 points ago

                                  I dunno, the level of enjoyment from eating a girl out can really depend on the vagina in question... I've met some vaginas that I really could not resist putting in my mouth every time I saw them... and then I've come across a few that were, um, a little less appetizing

                                  [–]ipoetlonu 9 points10 points ago

                                  You may need a new username.

                                  [–]ibitestringcheese 6 points7 points ago

                                  I'm in relationship where I (the guy) will camp out below the belt and love going down on my girlfriend. She also, really enjoys it.

                                  However; it's never returned. Ever. She "doesn't like it". So far, I've not made a big deal about it. I'm hoping we can grow together and maybe over time she might feel differently.

                                  Wishful thinking? Maybe I'm too naive-- people normally don't change, especially if they're not motivated to do so.

                                  From the bit of talking we've done about it. She seems to simply not enjoy giving it, pleasing her partner that way and finds the act demeaning and not at all empowering or enjoyable.

                                  I feel the complete opposite when I'm going down on her.

                                  [–]waytoplantanne 7 points8 points ago

                                  It's possible she just had a bad experience. My ex used to shove my head down until I gagged. I didn't give head for awhile after that, but now I'm in a different relationship and like doing it because we laid down some ground rules about that. Maybe just talk to her about it from that angle. Sex is much more fulfilling when both of you are getting what you want and getting off

                                  [–]oprahssugardaddy 18 points19 points ago

                                  Don't expect her to change ibitestringcheese. The sexual component in a relationship is extremely important and if you're not satisfied, that tension is only going to build.

                                  [–]snakeyface 6 points7 points ago

                                  I really, really hate giving blowjobs. I think the taste is disgusting and it hurts my throat. Guys often shove your head down too, which is incredibly uncomfortable and makes me gag. I feel bad about hating it, too - it's pretty much accepted that girls give their boyfriends blowjobs, so I'm seen as a bitch for being reluctant or refusing. Only one of my boyfriends has ever gone down on me, and he was unsuccessful. I'm not really sure what my point is, other than some girls just find blowjobs horrible. Sorry.

                                  [–]PartialChub 11 points12 points ago*

                                  This is where I draw the fucking line. You're a better man than me. Not liking it is absolutely fine for either party. I've had girlfriends that loved giving head and some that have hated it. I don't mind going down on them at all, but I don't particularly enjoy it. You can imagine which one I went down on like it was my life calling. I did so because I love getting head and I also recognize that it isnt the greatest thing in the world to some to have a dick in your mouth. It was only fair to me to reciprocate if she was willing to do something for me that she knew I liked. It sounds like you enjoy it enough to the point where it doesn't bother you anyway, but I think lack of reciprocation from your SO is horseshit. So you sit there and shove your face in her snatch day after day and when it's your turn she claims it's demeaning? If I were you I'd be cutting off that little number to watch how quickly she comes around to returning the favor.

                                  Edit: Wasn't trying to attack your girl personally just so you know, this is just my opinion because so many of my friends SOs are the EXACT same way and each time we talk about it, it bothers me. For some reason lots of my friend's girlfriends act like giving a blowjob is somehow exponentially more gross than having your face and nose buried into a vag. With this I simply cannot agree.

                                  [–]DrunkenPadawan 6 points7 points ago

                                  Ignore the bitch below. You have a good point, but you didn't state it fully, or I just saw a different facet of the issue. If the act is so demeaning; what does it mean that she'll accept a blowjob but refuse to give one in return? Maybe she likes demeaning her partner and having "one up" over him. That's the implication I sense from such actions. If it were agreed upon that this was a kink, maybe it would be okay, but its never stated. Also, as much as she doesnt like it, there's ways to compromise.

                                  My gf doesn't particularly enjoy giving bjs, but she enjoys making me happy. Sometimes I enjoy having one, but most times when I ask for one (or she does it on her own),I just want an appetizers before sex, and I've stated that she can do it in whatever way is most comfortable and fun for her. No one likes gagging.

                                  I feel like immature partners out there do not recognize that a relationship is not a battle. Stupid feelings of "getting even" or being above the other are not welcome in a relationship. I do things I do not enjoy particularly for her because it makes her happy, and because I know she would do the same for me if she had the chance. Its kind of like that Spanish phrase, "mi casa es su casa", except I would add "y su casa es mi casa" (casa being "happiness"). What makes her life better and happier, makes me happy as well. It's a balance of respect, love, sacrifice, trust, and generosity.

                                  Addition Edit: I absolutely love giving her bjs and having her cum over and over. Long blowjobs are not uncommon for her. I don't expect the same frequency and length back.

                                  [–]tarheel91 6 points7 points ago

                                  Just an FYI: Casa = house. Felicidad = happiness. I dunno if you were saying that house = happiness in this case, or if you simply had misheard the translation. In any case, I agree with your sentiment.

                                  [–]29castles 5 points6 points ago

                                  Did you just refer to the act of oral sex on a female as a blowjob? Are you, by chance, in Thailand?

                                  [–]DrunkenPadawan 1 point2 points ago

                                  Sure did. I feel like it should work for both men and women. There is some degree of sucking going on during both acts!...and a distinct lack of blowing. But hey, you get me a Thai lady-boy, and I'll give her a blowjob as well. She just better be clean, see?

                                  load more comments (4 replies)

                                    [–]thisis4reddit 1 point2 points ago

                                    Damnit. I'm an adult and I still want to share with people the poos I'm proud of. Thank god I have brothers.

                                    [–]GruxKing 1 point2 points ago

                                    I never tag people, but you're now at "compares cunnilingus to taking a big crap"
                                    +3 vote comment record though, if it makes you feel better

                                    [–]dumbgaytheist 1 point2 points ago

                                    You lost me when you made a big poo.

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                                      [–]I_hijack_threads 16 points17 points ago

                                      ... if you know what I mean?

                                      [–]Yoyo8 7 points8 points ago

                                      ...yes.....

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                                        [–]Ghostman90 1 point2 points ago

                                        Dat pussy getting wrecked

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                                          [–]SissyNat 86 points87 points ago

                                          The facial expression pretty much makes it perfect.

                                          [–]Toribor 69 points70 points ago

                                          Man, I always wake up wanting sex. Morning wood, plus half naked girl laying on me, plus being energetic from getting a good nights sleep. I have more morning sex than sex at night simply because I'm not exhausted in the morning.

                                          [–]AuntieSocial 158 points159 points ago*

                                          As a chick, I could never manage it. When I wake up, I'm groggy as fuck, I have to pee really bad, my bowels are about 10 min out from their first bombing run of the day, we both have breath that could melt aluminum and I have the physical coordination and cerebral function of a late-stage-decay zombie. Plus I know I've got hair that rivals Nic Cage for sheer craziness, which makes me self-conscious. By the time I've dealt with all this and am feeling like I'm ready for anything sexy, it's almost lunchtime.

                                          [–]thehourglass 77 points78 points ago

                                          Soooo is that a no?

                                          [–]AuntieSocial 45 points46 points ago

                                          That's a "naareeergghgnnnnggg..." thump as I roll off the bed and, if I'm lucky, land feet down.

                                          [–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

                                          You have made me reconsider future morning sex ventures (to be a bit more courteous.)

                                          [–]Menolith 22 points23 points ago

                                          And the highest analogue density prize goes to....

                                          [–]AuntieSocial 7 points8 points ago

                                          I have absolutely no idea what this means. But it sounds like it should be funny.

                                          [–]ecmmyers 7 points8 points ago

                                          Most analogies packed into one post. But, I thoroughly enjoyed your writing.

                                          [–]AuntieSocial 1 point2 points ago

                                          Ah. You wrote analogue rather than analogy. That threw me.

                                          [–]sprocketsturgeon 5 points6 points ago

                                          You said it sister. My favorite is immediately post-shower sex.

                                          [–]CaptJordi 1 point2 points ago

                                          really glad I'm not the only one. I can barely figure out my alarm clock in the morning much less sex. Give me 30 minutes and maybe but not first thing.

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                                            [–]rjcarr 13 points14 points ago

                                            And your testosterone is higher in the morning.

                                            [–]99trumpets 5 points6 points ago

                                            Fun fact, this is true in women too. (women have a morning peak in testosterone just like men do. Absolute levels are lower but it's the same pattern).

                                            This should in theory give women that same burst of sex drive in the morning, just like in men, since sex drive in women is driven by their androgens, not by their estrogens. YMMV

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                                              [–]Driesens 84 points85 points ago

                                              If your name isn't Alex, then I feel like this entire thing is wasted.

                                              [–]AlexEatsKittens 12 points13 points ago

                                              This image was pretty much made for me.

                                              [–]BKCentral 11 points12 points ago

                                              But...it is. Is that...my peeper then?

                                              [–]Dulljack 11 points12 points ago

                                              Not sure, is your peeper a model train?

                                              WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY, WE CAN REBUILD HIM.

                                              load more comments (5 replies)

                                                [–]alexcroox 7 points8 points ago*

                                                It actually is and it really freaked me out.

                                                [–]farceur318 4 points5 points ago

                                                Now I'm picturing our hypothetical Alex saying his own name over and over again as he rams his erection into the chest of his drowsy, nonplussed girlfriend, as if verbally punctuating his thrusts.

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                                                  [–]TheGreatVigilante 12 points13 points ago

                                                  "I think I can, I think I can..."

                                                  [–]boblabon 43 points44 points ago

                                                  That's a metaphor if I've ever seen one.

                                                  [–]plantsaretheorigin 50 points51 points ago

                                                  Railing the pussy?

                                                  [–]youngnomoney 29 points30 points ago

                                                  Training the cat?

                                                  [–]beef-curtains 20 points21 points ago

                                                  Choo-Chooing the fur burger.

                                                  [–]Ethanol_Based_Life 5 points6 points ago

                                                  I choo choo choose you.

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                                                    [–]hoffnutsisdope 42 points43 points ago

                                                    And not a single fuck was given, literally.

                                                    [–]juliejuju 116 points117 points ago

                                                    Sometimes we chicks actually appreciate it :D

                                                    [–]Jackie_Jormp-Jomp 105 points106 points ago

                                                    Note to self: hit chicks in the chest with a train when I want sex, they sometimes appreciate it

                                                    [–]I_wwebsite 155 points156 points ago

                                                    Getting rammed in your chest?

                                                    [–]juliejuju 55 points56 points ago

                                                    Well, I was using my imagination. Not in the pectoral region, I admit.

                                                    [–]PARSLEYsage 24 points25 points ago

                                                    Choo choo! chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga.

                                                    [–]carstenhpr 8 points9 points ago

                                                    Will you choo-choo choose me?

                                                    [–]PARSLEYsage 1 point2 points ago

                                                    I would gladly pelvic throttle your sternum.

                                                    load more comments (1 reply)

                                                      [–]Pants_R_Overatd 3 points4 points ago

                                                      I'm so gonna try this in bed

                                                      load more comments (1 reply)

                                                        [–]BitchesLove 13 points14 points ago*

                                                        Yeah, Bitches Love that

                                                        [–]easternone 13 points14 points ago

                                                        Redditor for 1 year, 3 months. That was pretty shitty though, you should be ashamed.

                                                        [–]BitchesLove 3 points4 points ago

                                                        Bad execution on my part or did people miss the reference?

                                                        [–]easternone 1 point2 points ago

                                                        I would have waited for something along the lines of Bitches Love smiley faces, or something to that degree.

                                                        [–]mikenasty 3 points4 points ago

                                                        ..no they don't

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                                                          [–]anniekatherine 8 points9 points ago

                                                          Sigh. I used to love morning/middle of the night sex.

                                                          Then I had a baby. Now if he even dares to disturb what little bit of sleep I get, I nearly burst into tears.

                                                          :(

                                                          [–]Lilcheeks 24 points25 points ago

                                                          My gf told me to do it any time I feel the need... even if it means waking her up. I don't ever feel the need but I gotta say, it makes me happy knowing its there.

                                                          She loved this gif

                                                          [–][deleted] ago

                                                          [deleted]

                                                          [–]Chief_Short_A_Penny 2 points3 points ago

                                                          he goddamn should

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                                                            [–]WolfGirlSam 24 points25 points ago

                                                            We get horny in the mornings, too.

                                                            [–]Ennil 39 points40 points ago

                                                            We do?

                                                            [–]kihadat 11 points12 points ago

                                                            No kidding. More often than not, it's she that's pushing her butt against my crotch. I'm like, seriously? I just woke up. Sometimes I give in, others no.

                                                            [–]WolfGirlSam 7 points8 points ago

                                                            I always thought it was just as common for both sexes.

                                                            [–]usernamemadetoday 2 points3 points ago

                                                            This is nice to know

                                                            [–]BagsOfMoney 2 points3 points ago

                                                            I really appreciate it!

                                                            [–]Lambsauce 4 points5 points ago

                                                            Sometimes.

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                                                              [–]terriblyvexed 28 points29 points ago

                                                              your GF is hot

                                                              [–]MrShibato[S] 26 points27 points ago

                                                              A cat is fine too.

                                                              [–]grifter600 11 points12 points ago

                                                              Yes

                                                              [–]Bear_Masta 1 point2 points ago

                                                              Oh fuck.

                                                              [–]Ethanol_Based_Life 14 points15 points ago

                                                              Could use a shave.

                                                              [–]AREYOUSauRuS 4 points5 points ago

                                                              ya, what's with her neckbeard

                                                              [–]anonymouslives 5 points6 points ago

                                                              Hey, a Russian Blue, I have a Russian Blue!

                                                              [–]_sexpanther 8 points9 points ago

                                                              You don't havea Russian blue. Russian blue has you!

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                                                                [–]MrShibato[S] 54 points55 points ago

                                                                Before anyone asks, this is a shameless [FIX] of this post http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/rh2pg/how_i_feel_when_my_girlfriend_wakes_me_up_in_the/

                                                                [–]slahaw 69 points70 points ago

                                                                True, but I think this one is a little more accurate. At least for me. "Wait wut? My morning wood rubbing against your ass when you wake up doesn't turn you on? Well I'll be damned..."

                                                                [–]tomasziam 41 points42 points ago

                                                                I don't mean to brag, but when my lady brushes my morning wood she grabs it and we get down to business 80% of the time. The other 20% I slap it against her ass like a doorstop for a while.

                                                                [–]stareattheart 28 points29 points ago

                                                                I just don't wake up. But sometimes I'll get horny in my sleep.

                                                                Then I wake up with him inside me. (Yes, he has my explicit permission to do that.)

                                                                It's fun.

                                                                [–]tomasziam 4 points5 points ago

                                                                How does he know you're "sleep horny"?

                                                                [–]stareattheart 9 points10 points ago

                                                                Sticks his hands in my panties.

                                                                (I'm a really heavy sleeper. Slept through a bombing once.)

                                                                [–]physicsishotsauce 2 points3 points ago

                                                                ಠ_ಠ

                                                                [–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

                                                                She gave him permission, doesn't matter if he knows.

                                                                [–]nanowerx 16 points17 points ago

                                                                Doesn't matter, had permission.

                                                                [–]vgry 3 points4 points ago

                                                                How do you deal with lube?

                                                                Interesting aside: in Canada, you cannot legally consent to sex while unconscious.

                                                                [–]Woahzie 5 points6 points ago

                                                                I wish this happened to me! I would love to be woken up with sexytimes, but it feels like i'm always the one up and waiting for him =\

                                                                [–]stareattheart 2 points3 points ago

                                                                He's the early morning bird, and I'm the one who sleeps in constantly. So it's not hard for us.

                                                                (Maybe take a nap with him during the day? Or just talk to him about it.)

                                                                [–]ElyBoBelly 2 points3 points ago

                                                                One does not simply NOT wake up to this! How can you possibly not wake up 'till he's inside? Tell me! FOR SCIENCE!

                                                                [–]seeBurtrun 8 points9 points ago

                                                                Dude, I see it in porn all the time. It has to be true.

                                                                [–]ElyBoBelly 1 point2 points ago

                                                                Cite your sources!

                                                                [–]stareattheart 1 point2 points ago

                                                                I'm a heavy sleeper. That's all there is to it.

                                                                (Also I sometimes sleepwalk, thus the permission thing.)

                                                                [–]ElyBoBelly 2 points3 points ago

                                                                Sounds kinky.

                                                                [–]Wwallace7287 1 point2 points ago

                                                                We've done that a couple times, and it is fun. And as someone who has a harder time climaxing, being half asleep really helps.

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                                                                  [–]brittanysodd 11 points12 points ago

                                                                  I always touch and or grab my boyfriends morning wood, but we never have morning sex :(

                                                                  [–]tomasziam 52 points53 points ago

                                                                  That's the saddest thing I've ever read on the internet.

                                                                  [–]Meltdown-Syndrome 18 points19 points ago

                                                                  Well quit being so odd.

                                                                  [–]Nyarlathotep124 5 points6 points ago

                                                                  So tell your boyfriend you want morning sex, I guarantee he won't get upset.

                                                                  [–]burstingintotreats 5 points6 points ago

                                                                  Not true. He won't get upset, it's just nothing will change.

                                                                  [–]woodyallenesque 5 points6 points ago

                                                                  It's okay, you're not alone on that front. Then I'm all "Why.would you wanna waste a good boner like that?"

                                                                  [–]PARSLEYsage 1 point2 points ago

                                                                  My girlfriend hates having rise-and-shine, it sucks.

                                                                  [–]vinod1978 1 point2 points ago

                                                                  He's gotta be soooo frustrated.

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                                                                    [–]AdequateFinch 7 points8 points ago

                                                                    I can't read this without hearing that TWANG! sound.

                                                                    [–]bleedingheartsurgery 3 points4 points ago

                                                                    Can not unhear

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                                                                        [–]ATownStomp 1 point2 points ago

                                                                        Obviously you just need to reposition your junk and be more persistent.

                                                                        [–]elephantx 1 point2 points ago

                                                                        Looking at your history, you're not a habitual reposter. Plus, your title is more accurate. I'll let it slide this time.

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                                                                          [–]ikonoclasm 23 points24 points ago

                                                                          One of the perks of being gay: this scenario never happens.

                                                                          [–]Floom101 99 points100 points ago

                                                                          So what you're saying is it's more like this?

                                                                          [–]SecularMantis 18 points19 points ago

                                                                          I don't know quite why, but this is one of the funniest things I've seen on reddit recently.

                                                                          [–]kman2010 8 points9 points ago

                                                                          perfect. situational. GIF.

                                                                          [–]OmegaDN 1 point2 points ago

                                                                          I had a good solid laugh for 5 minutes. Followed by several minutes of medium chuckling.

                                                                          [–]Xaiu 1 point2 points ago

                                                                          First time I've literally fallen over laughing on reddit. So perfect.

                                                                          [–]wetwater 1 point2 points ago

                                                                          That explains my current sex life.

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                                                                            [–]TheFrenchKid 30 points31 points ago

                                                                            Oh.. that's cool.. y'know.. having a girlfriend and all.

                                                                            [–]Raesling 19 points20 points ago

                                                                            Not just HAVING A GIRLFRIEND. He wakes up next to her!

                                                                            [–]TheFrenchKid 6 points7 points ago

                                                                            Yeah, I actually recently broke up with my GF.. she switched to Horde :(

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                                                                              [–]SimilarImage 5 points6 points ago

                                                                              Age User Title Reddit Cmnt Points
                                                                              4 months nomdeweb Not one fuck was given that day. here 117 1073
                                                                              1 month nestix_1093 No fucks given here 70 763
                                                                              15 hours Velium How I feel when my girlfriend wakes me up in the morning. here 48 655

                                                                              This is an automated response

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                                                                              [–]DrunkenAss 6 points7 points ago

                                                                              This is how my girlfriend feels when I fall asleep wanting sex.

                                                                              [–]fightlikehell 7 points8 points ago

                                                                              This is probably the best use of that GIF that I have seen as of yet.

                                                                              [–]evanthesquirrel 12 points13 points ago

                                                                              I don't know how she feels because I don't wake up

                                                                              [–]Demos181 2 points3 points ago

                                                                              And zero fucks were given.

                                                                              [–]besst 2 points3 points ago

                                                                              I just fart a lot in the morning. Seems to keep the penis at bay.

                                                                              [–]camelCase47 5 points6 points ago

                                                                              That pussy is sure taking a pounding.

                                                                              [–]bradg97 2 points3 points ago

                                                                              Mind if I knock against you with my cock?

                                                                              Baf baf... baf... baf... baf...

                                                                              [–]imhostfu 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              You really needed to put that singular image in an album?

                                                                              [–]ShasOFish 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              You can keep trying to rail that pussy, but that train ain't going to leave the station.

                                                                              [–]manbeartruck 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              Maybe if you tried to use your penis and not a toy train she'd warm up to the idea...

                                                                              [–]xector 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              As a guy, I am waaay to tired to have sex in the morning.

                                                                              [–]mambypambyland 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              Sucks dude. My gf loves morning sex. It gets us both awake early and energized for our day.

                                                                              Try going down on her first. Or literally any kind of foreplay would work man.

                                                                              [–]karikamiya1234 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              wow, thats sooooo sad :c

                                                                              I just lay there and my wife just flails on it for like 10 seconds till she cums, then blows me till i cum. she mopes if im not at full mast when we wake up.

                                                                              [–]Thenewfoundlanders 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              So she just lies there and takes it?

                                                                              [–]keitarofujiwara 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              You should aim lower.

                                                                              [–]sahilbawa 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              You really beat that pussy up.

                                                                              [–]Lanton 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              My SO just quipped "have you finished...I want to go back to sleep".

                                                                              [–]responds_with_girlfr 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              Her: Ugh...

                                                                              Me: DM;HS

                                                                              [–]manlydishwasher 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              That's exactly how my cat feels when I want sex!

                                                                              [–]KJ_jk 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              The best part of waking up is morning sex. Then I'm thoroughly awake AND happy about it.

                                                                              [–]invisiblerain 1 point2 points ago

                                                                              Hey, I don't know about most girls but I'd be happy. :)

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