Man, sex metaphors sure have changed since I was a kid..

IamLeven · 7 months

It shows you editing it in the other window.

Freshenstein · 7 months

What are you guys, hipsters? Baseball Sex? That's old school. Try out these football metaphors.

Where you are on the playing field: (If your not on the field, get on the field.)

Your 10 Yard Line: Holding Hands

20 Yard Line: Hugging

30 Yard Line: Kiss on the Cheek

40 Yard Line: Kiss on the Lips

50 Yard Line: Tongue Kissing (Serious Territory)

His/Her 40 Yard Line: Shirt or Bra Off

30 Yard Line: All Clothes Off

20 Yard Line: Oral Sex (Getting or Giving)

1st and Goal: Put on the Condom

Goal Line: TOUCHDOWN! (Sexual Intercource)

Now that you know where you are on the field here are some important definitions to help you explain how you got there.

Kickoff: Making the first move (asking for a date).

Kicking It Deep: Asking out a virgin (you'll be starting out deep in your own end).

On-Side Kick: Asking out a slut (starting near midfield; on-side kicks are good if they work, but are risky).

Kick Return: How far you get on the first date.

Now that you've asked her out and went on the first date the kickoff is over and the relationship begins here's some more definitions for you.

Downs: An attempt to get more yards (get further with her).

Running the Ball: Taking it one yard at a time.

Passing Play: Skipping stages.

Punting: Giving up on this one and asking another one out. UH OH!

Fumble: Impotence.

Fumble Recovery: Regain erection.

Interception: Homosexuality (YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!)

Other Definitions

Turnover: Anal sex

Field Goal: One of you orgasm, 3 points (Field Goal range begins around the 30, when the clothes are off).

Touchdown: Mutual orgasm, 6 points.

Extra Point: The smoke afterwards.

Two Point Conversion: Smoke and a phone number.

High Scoring Game: Multiple Orgasms.

Rain Delay: Parents/Roommate comes home.

Pile Up: ORGY!

Missed Field Goal: Wide right, wide left, or even worse... too short!

3rd Down and Inches: Call for a measurement (move those yardsticks).

The Offense

Quarterback: Most important position, the missionary.

Quarterback Sneak: Unusual positions.

Center: Doggie Style.

Running Back: A hand-off.

Tight End: Self Explanatory.

Wide Receiver: Opposite of Tight End.

Nose Tackle: (Use Your Imagination).

Defense (Becoming more and more important these days.)

Defensive Line: Condom.

Break in the Defense: Condom breaks.

The Safety: The Pill (Just to be safe).

A Blitz: A "Quickie."

Penalties

Roughing: S & M

Holding: Handcuffs or Restraints

Offside: Premature Ejaculation

The Bowls

Rose Bowl: Romantic sex (Making Love)

Citrus Bowl: Healthy or Safe Sex

Peach Bowl: Juicy/Wet Sex

Fiesta Bowl: Sex in South America

Superbowl: Marriage (The Big Dance)

So now that you know the field and all the definitions you can see how to use them here are some examples of how useful the Original Handbook of Football really is.

There was an on-side kick to what I thought was a wide receiver, but it turned out to be a tight end so there was a punt.
There was a deep kickoff with no return. I ran the ball to midfield but then decided to go to the passing game. The passing play didn't work because of a fumble. On the next down a running back took it to their 10 yard line. With 1st and goal, the action moved from the Center to the Quarterback who did a Quarterback Sneak. The game turned out to be the highest scoring Peach Bowl ever!!
I was Roughed in the massive Pileup.
It was third down and inches on the 20 Yard line but on the field goal attempt I was short.

Calmiche · 7 months

Relevant XKCD.

jdb12 · 7 months

Why are you on OS X 10.4?

Qwantitative · 7 months

How does the earring come off? :(

ForteFZ · 7 months

i Lold quite hard

paigecew · 7 months

" OH MY FUCKING GOD, MY NUTS ARE IN YOUR ASS"

wants_a_friend · 7 months

That is HILARIOUS. YOU are so funny I just can't get over how much fun we would have together at putt putt!!

B33mo · 7 months

"toothpaste for dinner" ಠ_ಠ

[deleted] · 7 months

I'm at work so I can't look up the correct link, however if you want to see some fifth base, type in Toni Everready nuts in the ass dick in the pussy into google.

mgill355 · 7 months

5th base? :O

Dietcereal · 7 months

Don't forget, stealing home=rape

CzechsMix · 7 months

with the tab open to clearly see he's editing it...

DoubleFishhook · 7 months

I thought "Fifth Base" was called Dog In A Bathtub.

Brunette_Broad · 7 months

Are you fucking kidding me?

throwway891 · 7 months

Booya.

Italian_Barrel_Roll · 7 months

WTF 5th base, WTF?

mashan · 7 months

(cur | prev) 14:15, 3 March 2012‎ 188.222.149.205 (talk)‎ . . (6,822 bytes) (+241)‎ . . (Added fifth base information, which is now in common use in the UK) (undo)

amolad · 7 months

Oral sex, third base? Any kind of sex was going all the way when I was a kid.....

TheOneBritishGuy · 7 months

"Oh my fucking God, my Nuts are in your anus!" literally made me burst out with laughter!

ellisrgreen · 7 months

OS X?

On a 4x3 screen?

shudder

Ebake09 · 7 months

Hey baby I'm lookin to go to 5th base tonight.

DrBob666 · 7 months

First post on funny I've laughed out loud to in a while. Take all my upboats

Airsheezy · 7 months

TIL: How MacGyver gets his rocks off...

Xcrucia · 7 months

"Oh my fucking God, my nuts are in your ass"

ಠ_ಠ

mrbfowl · 7 months

I was reading this and was like "This seems right, what could be Oh MY GOD!"

andoverliam · 7 months

digg sucks

Maarbjerg · 7 months

Notice how he is editing second base, in the second tab.

nate800 · 7 months

http://reversegif.com/72f_o NSFW!

spaceboomer · 7 months

I saw this while I was sneaking reddit on my phone at work... I blew up laughing

GodFelice · 7 months

anyone else wondering why he book marked toothpaste for dinner?

iSteve · 7 months

5th doesn't sound very comfortable.

graymankin · 7 months

Yeah baseball metaphors are ancient.

ZombieTooth · 7 months

Is no one going to point out 5 bases? There's not 5 bases in baseball, you silly person. There is only 4.

hozjo · 7 months

I never understood these growing up, just that I wanted to score as many runs as possible.

noble8301 · 7 months

"Hey guys, look at this wikipedia article I edited!"

Skiro · 7 months

I don't know what your talking about man.. thats what i grew up with..

zerodb · 7 months

Forget everything else... HOW DO YOU REMOVE THE HOOP EARRING?!

MustacheRod · 7 months

I have always known the move describe for fifth base as "beans in a can" or "dog in a bathtub".

TheChocolateLava · 7 months

Holy shit!

...someone actually uses Camino!

m_brodie42 · 7 months

hahahahaha oh my god i'm dying! [5]

viper662 · 7 months

"OMG MY NUTS ARE IN YOUR ASS"

accioreddit · 7 months

im surprised theres not a tab open entitled "how to take a screenshot"

IgnazSemmelweis · 7 months

I laughed until I cried a little.

Andrizzleton · 7 months

You can tell a lot about a person form their web browser. I'm sure someone could figure out most of OP's personal information from this pic alone.

Constam · 7 months

I wish this page had existed when me and my friends were debating what the terms meant in high school.

casedawg15 · 7 months

Oh my fucking god, my nuts are in your ass!

DarkAldar · 7 months

Ah yes, the classical "Bear Trap" at its finest.

bryan_sensei · 7 months

5th base? and I thought I knew it all...

ubrkifix · 7 months

So disappointed, time to explain 5th base to enough people to make it a reality.

VagMaster2000 · 7 months

I once saw a video of 5th base being done. I don't want to see that video again...

montanachill · 7 months

I say that PIZZA is the ultimate sex metaphor:

http://blog.ted.com/2012/03/02/lets-talk-about-sex-and-pizza-al-vernacchio-at-ted2012/

Anon_y_mous · 7 months

1) the edit button is purple. 2) you have an edit tab opened up. These 2 things lead me to believe that you made this edit. But worst of all, you have a "Digg" bookmark.

bionicjawa · 7 months

For the longest time, I thought third base meant anal sex. It wasn't until later I found out that one, I was wrong, and two, apparently the girls in my high school liked anal much MUCH more than normal/

fcurcouch · 7 months

yea....i laughed until I saw the edit tab...then I made a horrible mistake

[deleted] · 7 months

It might be the pain killers I'm on but I've never laughed at anything as hard as this.

Alphy11 · 7 months

I laughed so hard for a good 5 minutes... I really do not know why...

[deleted] · 7 months

Fifth Base... ಠ_ಠ

Whats4dinner · 7 months

But WHO IS ON FIRST???

-Theis · 7 months

So that's 'Balls Deep'

Hippofanti · 7 months

Finally an easy way to describe what I'm usually doing.

Reichcommander · 7 months

I've seen his before so he hasn't really edited, but damn fifth base sounds like fun.

mastapuby · 7 months

Relevant (VERY NSFW)

Blink182wins · 7 months

When an average scumbag redditor see's this picture they automatically look at the tabs ,bookmarks ,and short cuts to see if they can find anything embarrassing. I did this

theneongrey · 7 months

It's true though. Haven't any of you seen the Perfect Week episode of How I Met Your Mother?

Waseph · 7 months

I'm so happy I decided to read all of it and not stop at second base because I thought I knew what's it about. Even if it's fake, sure made me laugh. cheers

stevenlovespie · 7 months

Thought it was funny until I saw you were editing the page

Gruzdak · 7 months

OMG kids these days.....

binaryechoes · 7 months

This looks nothing like the current page or any recent revisions

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Baseball_metaphors_for_sex&action=history

TheBeardOfZues · 7 months

Seem the same as always, don't know what you are talking about.

brianbrianbrian · 7 months

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

Pinwurm · 7 months

Lemme just clarify that this isn't OC - as the OS is pretty old and the user reads Digg.

/still think the image is hilarious and needs to be shared

clickwir · 7 months

This has been posted many times before. We don't need you posting it again.
If you take a screenshot, save us all from having to care what browswer or OS you are using. Mac users love showing off they use a Mac, like it's something special. It's not.

BlueThundah · 7 months

God damn, i don't care if you edited that, it is fucking hilarious. I logged into my other account so i could upvote you a second time.

funny

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