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all 200 comments

[–]thejmonster 341 points342 points ago

How many cops does it take to push a black guy down the stairs?

None, he fell.

[–]FECAL_ATTRACTION 133 points134 points ago

Also, he was carrying cocaine.

With intent to sell.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points ago

Sprinkle some crack on the suspect!

[–]bootselectric 15 points16 points ago

Open and shut case Johnson!

[–]petarr 0 points1 point ago

Season to taste aaand done, bon appetit!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]FECAL_ATTRACTION 5 points6 points ago

Thank you for noticing that.

It really rang my bell.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]FECAL_ATTRACTION 0 points1 point ago

It can't keep going forever.

This is the death knell.

[–]TaTonka2000 1 point2 points ago

This reddit thing is cool.

You all rhyme really well.

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

Well I hope you burn in hell.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Crack cocaine.

[–]robthompson46 3 points4 points ago

Cukain

[–]rw4rr3n -1 points0 points ago

[–]hinduguru 3 points4 points ago*

"This isn't even some good cocaine"

[–]caddycads 0 points1 point ago

I couldn't even reply...I'm laughing too hard

[–]dazdraperma 227 points228 points ago

and arrest the light for being broke

[–]situationformal 77 points78 points ago

not before shooting it to defuse the situation

[–]Aww_Shucks 37 points38 points ago

"GET ON THE GROUND!"

lightbulb falls to the ground and shatters

[–]chrisd93 34 points35 points ago

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BREAK"
Proceeds to beat glass with a night stick

[–]robthompson46 28 points29 points ago

Stop resisting

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

I just came up with an idea for a sketch

[–]daminox 20 points21 points ago

"I'm grounded I'm grounded! Check my socket!"

I'll let myself out...

[–]slyphox 5 points6 points ago

This pun will be met with much resistance.

[–]danutz777 2 points3 points ago

I would not anger the masses they might blow a fuse.

[–]Fearan 1 point2 points ago

When was the last time occupy lit up the media?

[–]gooberlx 9 points10 points ago

"Stop resisting! Taser! Taser! Taser!"

[–]DaveFishBulb 2 points3 points ago

As a fellow bulb, I now feel it is my duty to attend a university lecture on evolution and proceed to freak the fuck out at everyone else in the room.

[–]Aww_Shucks 11 points12 points ago

Good luck, mate.

I told my parents I wanted to attend college, and they told me I wasn't bright enough and I should just join the military.

Then the military told me I was too fragile during basic training, so I couldn't think of anything else to do other than hang myself from the ceiling.

weeps

[–]CurkyHangles 2 points3 points ago*

then claim self defense because it had a sharp edge

[–]cbfw86 1 point2 points ago

just like one of the highest scoring post in the lightbulb joke thread a few weeks back.

[–]I_SHIT_KARMA -2 points-1 points ago

The spider in the corner never did anything to you. they aren't dangerous at all. yet you will get into a car, strap yourself in for safety, strap your baby to a seat in which is strapped to the car for added safety and travel 10 miles to an exterminator because you so afraid of this spider.

Now let me ask you, if you feel more "in danger" with a spider in your house then you do in your car, why don't you drop your car insurance and buy "spider in the corner" insurance?

[–]EdTOWB 10 points11 points ago

who drives to the exterminator??

[–]malkvn 0 points1 point ago

cause that spider in the corner didn't cost me several grand.

[–]daminox -4 points-3 points ago

Woah. That's deep, man.

[–]buttguy 6 points7 points ago

I want to repost this to the only Cop on my Facebook. But he's black and I'm not sure how it'd go over.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

Does he beat himself?

[–]blankxspace 27 points28 points ago

only when his wife leaves the house...

[–]xdestron 93 points94 points ago

Everyone hates cops until they need one

-not a cop

[–]daminox 28 points29 points ago

I don't hate on cops as individuals; I hate how our law enforcement agencies are run in general. Corruption, lack of consequences or accountability for bad/unlawful/unprofessional behavior, racism, etc.

[–]bluecheese33 2 points3 points ago

yeah man I know how it is I've seen the wire

[–]Ginnigan 15 points16 points ago*

I like cops. Good cops. Cops that love their job and are actually out to serve and protect. Most of the cops I meet are kind & helpful, and I really respect them.

I don't like cops who abuse their power. I don't mean just using their lights to go through intersections (though that's sort of annoying) - but the ones who actually verbally and physically attack people because they are "the law." They are few and far between where I live, but they're the ones that get the attention and give all cops a bad name.

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 1 point2 points ago

Unfortunately, this is the majority where I live. They will park in the middle of a road - not kidding here- park in the middle of the road in a turning lane or anything really, and try to tag people speeding. They create an obstruction in the road to give people speeding tickets. Keep in mind this doesn't stop speeding, it never does. If you take a picture of them doing this they get super pissed.

[–]u4me2eat 0 points1 point ago

Take me many pictures please

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 0 points1 point ago

Well, I do hear they carry a delightful food product. I might.

[–]tomdarch 1 point2 points ago

I'm quick to point out the problems with policing in America, but a big part of improving the situation is to recognize all the good law enforcement officers! The significant number of bad cops overshadow all the good that good officers do, but we need to make an effort to them out so they aren't unappreciated and can stand as an example of what we expect all police to do.

[–]po-leece 64 points65 points ago

Sometimes people who need us still hate us.

[–]Animal_King 60 points61 points ago

Like Batman.

[–]pew43 6 points7 points ago

Yeah, but batman doesn't use guns at least.

[–]Bromleyisms 1 point2 points ago

[–]4rch 2 points3 points ago

Fine. At least Batman doesn't give tickets.

[–]GoddamBatman 0 points1 point ago

Why the fuck would I give tickets? Beatings are much more effective.

[–]justonecomment 2 points3 points ago

Ain't that the truth. House gets robbed, need cops to fill out insurance forms.

[–]guynamedjames 13 points14 points ago

Hey as long as you realize it. I fully know I'm one to mutter hateful things about a cop watching me blow a stop sign and then later that day complain about one not pulling over the guy tailgating me, but at the end of the day I'm still happy they're out there

[–][deleted] ago*

[deleted]

[–]Brachial 4 points5 points ago

They're the first at the scene of an accident so that they can keep Firefighters and EMTs safe. Emergency services don't go near anything that police have been called to until the police give the go ahead.

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

Can't we just have an overzealous Boy scout do that? I mean unless there's a violent crime attached to this emergency.

[–]Brachial 0 points1 point ago

No.

[–]shoelessbob 4 points5 points ago

I fucking hate when my tires get sprayed for parking.

[–]Jayizdaman 4 points5 points ago

Wait what? What allows them the right to spray paint your tires to see if you move your car? My car isn't super nice or anything but I have friends who have BBS LM's and RS's which can be around 1000 dollars a rim, if some cop was to touch those with spray paint, I would freak out and then file a complaint and take them to small claims court.

[–]shoelessbob 0 points1 point ago

i believe it's a chalk-like powder, not paint, that comes off eventually, but it's annoying

[–]4rch -1 points0 points ago*

That's what I thought. The only reason I didn't push the issue further is because they got my info before they took me in the back of the station to file the report. I don't want to get any negative attention, so I didn't ask them to clean it up.

[–]4rch 4 points5 points ago

Seriously! I'll pay them with a parking meter, just so they don't have to spray paint my car.

[–]justonecomment 2 points3 points ago

How is that not vandalism?

[–]4rch 1 point2 points ago

Because it washes off....just very annoyingly and after lots of scrubbing. And it's not illegal if the police do it, apparently.

[–]tomdarch 2 points3 points ago

This is the first cop to actually introduce himself before the ordeal. So, I give him my documents, I'm thinking about the $200 ticket I'm about to have when he gives me a warning and tells me to drive safe.

In the American system of racism, I'm guessing that you're identified as "white".

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

I am white, but this time I was looking like I had something important to do.

[–]HitTheGymAndLawyerUp 0 points1 point ago

So how black are you?

[–]CouncilmanDexhart -4 points-3 points ago

that's because they're already patrolling.

which has nothing to do with being a cop?

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

Well I'm trying not to be too hard on our American police force.

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 0 points1 point ago

which is a cop with nothing to do

Fixed.

[–]CouncilmanDexhart 0 points1 point ago

This is an absurd view of police work.

The point of a police force is to have more officers than the current crime requires, that way if someone is attacked then they can respond quickly. Ideally there would be even more cops around (taxes limit this obviously) because we know the cops can only get there so fast.

Yes, many cops spend time enforcing "unimportant" laws, but take that up with your legislature, it doesn't meant that cops patrolling your neighborhood aren't helping you.

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

I'll leave you with a quote from Fox News:

"You have to pay for your wrong decisions. Don't blame the system Don't blame the system."

This was in regard to smoking cannabis. Now, since I just quoted one of the most popular media channels on American television, I think it might be safe to say that this statement can be an example of how easy it is to take it up with my legislature. "Thank you for concern regarding this issue...."

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 0 points1 point ago

Ya. It took a pretty big movement here just to remove the most popular speed trap. Road was 50 on one side, go over a hill, now its 45. Guess where everybody was pulled over? It was like that long before I moved here, and it took about a week of sensationalist news coverage to get it changed. Ridiculous really. That same spot I was pulled over for tints (which were legal) and left with a speeding ticket.

[–]gmbel 15 points16 points ago

And cops will often be worthless when you do need them, but they're usually really busy solving "crimes" that nobody really gives a shit about.

The cops in my area actually have regular jaywalking stings. And my taxes really need to be spent for that?

[–]Grizmeer 14 points15 points ago

Cop here, sorry to hear that they suck in your area.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

Please inform me of this magical area where they don't suck.

[–]Fenderfreak145 2 points3 points ago

Probably not California :P

[–]emocol 3 points4 points ago

White neighborhoods.

[–]gmbel 5 points6 points ago

No, not there either.

[–]4rch 0 points1 point ago

Rich white neighborhoods

[–]gmbel 2 points3 points ago

They just switch to enforcing petty crimes to justify their existance.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Tell that to Treyvon Martin.

[–]HitTheGymAndLawyerUp 1 point2 points ago

Now we're talkin'.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

They call it 'Xanadu.'

[–]cc81 -1 points0 points ago

Please inform me of any large organization that don't suck.

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 1 point2 points ago

strippers association... oh wait..

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

Doctors Without Borders are pretty awesome

[–]Grizmeer -1 points0 points ago

The magical land of Massachusetts.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago*

False. They suck there too.

[–]Ceadol 0 points1 point ago

I really hate to generalize, especially about cops. I've met good ones and they're great. I don't have an issue with the police as a whole but the bad ones really tilt opinions in one direction. Generally, I've met more bad ones than anything else and that's unfortunate.

That being said, cops suck in a LOT of areas from my experience.

I have a close friend who works 911 dispatch in my town. She says the police here NEVER read miranda rights. She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, but I do. I've been arrested (all charges dropped since I had proof that I wasn't there when the crime I was charged with was committed) and it's true. When I was arrested and booked, I was held in an interrogation room and questioned for over an hour. They never read me my rights or offered me the chance to have a lawyer present.

I've also been threatened by the police when I was standing in front of my next door neighbors house (with my neighbor) after midnight. He stopped us and told us that it was after curfew and we weren't allowed to be out. We were both over 18 at the time and literally less than 10 feet from both of our respective properties. No drinking, no rowdiness, just a couple of guys having a quiet conversation. He threatened to arrest us for being out that late and 'not obeying him'. We ended up walking the 10 feet to my buddies front yard and finishing our conversation there where we had the legal right to stand.

Of course, like I said, I've met some totally great cops who have been very nice and helpful. I try not to let the bad ones color my opinion but I have way more stories about the police being dicks than being nice/helpful.

I respect the shit out of the good ones though.

[–]Grizmeer 0 points1 point ago

That's not a bad thing for the arresttee to not get his Miranda rights. That means the whole conversation is useless in court. Bad police work.

[–]Ceadol 0 points1 point ago

It's a bad thing if the person in question is truly a criminal and deserves to be in that court. I live on the border of Arizona and Mexico. I'd rather not have hardcore violent drug dealers or gang members walking free simply because of a technicality like this.

It's absolutely bad police work and that's exactly why I brought it up. The bad ones give every other cop out there a bad reputation.

[–]Ceiling_Man 0 points1 point ago

Mind explaining to me why I have you tagged as "Fainted passing a poop"?

[–]Grizmeer 0 points1 point ago

HAHA, I have no shame.

[–]System6 4 points5 points ago

They are slow to respond and on several occasions failed to know some of the most basic laws. I have no use for them.....I will be dead by the time they arrive and they will claim it is my fault.

I'd rather call Firefighters. They stay in shape, are quick as hell, and typically very polite in my experience.

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 0 points1 point ago

and they cook better

[–]System6 0 points1 point ago

I think I have a firefighter friend that barbequed once....I don't remember it though. ha ha!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Over 30 years old. Still haven't needed a cop.

I'm a bit surprised cops get as much respect as they do, given that the vast majority of people don't need them and their formal encounters with cops are typically negative.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

No, I hated cops after I needed one too because of the way they acted when I needed them.

[–]thefloyd 1 point2 points ago

I remember when I was 19 at a party maybe half a mile away from my house, a bunch of gangbangers busted up the party and were just stomping on people/ mugging everybody. My friend got pistol-whipped, I personally had a gun pointed to my head, and a couple cars got stolen. This lasted a while, cops never showed up. We ended up getting out with a girl who got carjacked trying to run away, who was 17. When we got to the police station, they charged us all with contributing to delinquency because she was drunk. Then the cops gave us shit about being in the neighborhood half of us lived in (it wasn't the best neighborhood and most of us were white and not hood) and sent us home. It felt weird, like a negative image of typical cop racism. Then they never made any arrests, despite the fact we told them who did it.

I used to deliver pizzas in the same neighborhood and the few cops that did roll around seemed less busy than me (and in less danger).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

My house got broken into and i got pistol whipped and my dog got shot, when the police arrived they told me "that's what happens when you live around niggers. Why you livin around these niggers anyway, you a drug addict?" they did nothing at all to find the people, despite the fact that I had descriptions of them, all of their nicknames, the side of town they were from, the make, model, and color of the getaway car as well as the first 3 digits on the plates. they did arrest me for the bong they found in my house though as my dog was bleeding to death.

[–]Ragnrok 0 points1 point ago

Get a concealed weapon permit and you'll never need a cop :)

[–]I_Tuck_It_In_My_Sock 1 point2 points ago

But you may need to shoot an unarmed black teen in a hoodie. Keep the property values high Zimmerman. OOOOO SO SOCIALLY RELEVANT. Gimme my ups, gimme my ups.

[–]PaladinZ06 0 points1 point ago

While I don't know all the details of the incident, it does seem reprehensible. That said, an "unarmed" teen is not necessarily a non-lethal threat. It might have been real self defense, but probably only after he harassed and/or assaulted said teen. Which would not be protected by or within the spirit of "stand your ground".

[–]tomdarch -2 points-1 points ago

I'm hoping that was sarcastic. If it wasn't, go talk to Joe Zamudio. He was on the scene of the Rep. Gabrielle Giffords shooting with his gun but Giffords was still shot in the head and several other people are still dead.

But maybe there could have been even more people with even more guns! That would have been awesome! More confusion, more untrained or minimally trained people who aren't sure who the shooter is, more missing the target and hitting bystanders, more shooting people out of confusion! Hooray guns! /s

[–]Ragnrok 1 point2 points ago

Right, because situations where only the criminal and the cops who show up are armed are always so safe and clean for everyone.

[–]PaladinZ06 0 points1 point ago

The police generally don't show up until AFTER the event. Assassination is very hard to prevent. Defending yourself from an armed thug is far easier, and a more likely scenario for most people. Training and practice is essential, but the level of skill required to hit a person-sized target at <20 feet isn't high. Most such altercations do NOT occur in crowded areas - most often dusk or after dark.

[–]2muffins 0 points1 point ago

I don't hate the player. I hate the game. Also, this is why people should own guns. I don't trust cops and I hear too many stories to cops not responding in a timely, respectful, or appropriate manner.

[–]ONXwat 0 points1 point ago

And then they hate them more when they don't show.

[–]SickSalamander 0 points1 point ago

Nobody hates cops more than people who have needed one, called them and then ended up being arrested, beaten, raped or murdered at the hands of the police they thought would help them.

Most people, in my experience, are not born hating cops. It is something they develop after being the victim of police abuse.

[–]The_Muffin_Man12 -3 points-2 points ago

Exactly!

[–]filmfiend999 3 points4 points ago

And if the room is Occupied...

[–]KJew -1 points0 points ago

Next time put on picture. Obviously that self post was not funny at all because I don't know what cop is are.

[–]BorschtFace -3 points-2 points ago

I would report the offender to the cops, but... you know. He's probably white.

[–]a55hol3 3 points4 points ago

Not funny.

[–]largemargin- 6 points7 points ago

STΩP RESISTING!

[–]seanymacmacmac 0 points1 point ago

I see what you did there.

[–]leandrotami 0 points1 point ago

Subtle joke, nice!

[–]iGotChubs4You 5 points6 points ago

This popped up on my front page the other day...

I think that is what you meant to say.

[–]FizzBitch 25 points26 points ago

Who cares where you got it, make a real title.

Still funny.

[–]emocol 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, he should totally take credit for someone else's work.

[–]FizzBitch 4 points5 points ago

It is better than this.

[–]SilversunPickups 1 point2 points ago

At first I was like "Why is it taking so long to load?" And then I was all like "Oh, it's a reddit search."

[–]SSJwiggy 0 points1 point ago

I'm sure the person that posted it on Facebook created it themself /sarcasm

[–]Feral_Squirrel 2 points3 points ago

That's why I always keep the night light on.

[–]Frailed 3 points4 points ago

How many people does it take to ruin a meme?

[–]GODFATHER_OF_REDDIT 10 points11 points ago

Well, it's going to take at least one cop.

[–]StephenBuckley 37 points38 points ago

No, still none of them change a lightbulb. No matter how much you beat something for discriminatory reasons, you're not changing a lightbulb.

Trust me, dude. I've seen it happen.

[–]usernamemadetoday 11 points12 points ago

[PROOF]

[–]OfficerMudkip 7 points8 points ago

He ain't lyin'. I seen cops not change light bulbs all the time.

[–]emocol 1 point2 points ago

You may be the only cop i liek.

[–]hemlockecho 1 point2 points ago

Until the filament improves, the beatings will continue.

[–]NeedsMoreStabbing 1 point2 points ago

Nah, they need at least three: one to do the beating, one to repeatedly order the bulb to stop resisting, and the third to chase down the person filming it with their phone in order to destroy the video. And then arrest them for obstruction.

[–]TheOneWhoKnocksBitch 3 points4 points ago

Sup Tyler?

[–]DangerousDetlef 1 point2 points ago

Grazie, padrino.

[–]shitscray 5 points6 points ago

my dad is a cop and has gotten so many kids out of trouble when they were going to end up in jail. lots of cops are doing great things for society and these jokes are really just disrespectful to them.

[–]harglbargl 3 points4 points ago

I'm sure your dad's a decent human being, but all of the cops I've met, whether through being pulled over or actually calling them up because I needed them, were absolute scum, didn't even know the laws they were trying to enforce, and treated me like a piece of shit.

[–]idrinksaltwater 1 point2 points ago

I like how he's from Anaheim, home of the "Happiest Place on Earth."

[–]Theprofessor206 1 point2 points ago

Does this picture look like the ending of a sitcom intro to anybody else? "That's Cop!"

[–]ccrepitation 1 point2 points ago

repost is repost

[–]cookiesandmilk 5 points6 points ago

hate crimes always bring back the classics. haven't heard this since the L.a riots

[–]xAtarigeekx 8 points9 points ago

HAHAHAH BECAUSE ALL COPS ARE RACIST AMIRITE?!?

[–]Then_He_Said 1 point2 points ago

Yes, you are right

[–]Jesustron 6 points7 points ago

This popped up on reddit, canv.as, 9gag, and every other internet 'comedy' site for the past 2 months. And now it's making its way back here again.

[–]cdash 6 points7 points ago

You saw it before. You must be awesome!

[–]desu_desu -1 points0 points ago

Because this joke was invented two months ago /s

[–]Agreatbigbushybeard 2 points3 points ago

The cop in the picture looks so jolly, he doesn't look like he could hurt a fly.

[–]BeezowPooPoo_ZGopGop 1 point2 points ago

Why did you wait until today to upload it to reddit?

[–]emkael 3 points4 points ago

Because it's a news feed from 1995.

[–]MikeOnFire 1 point2 points ago

Someone removed the 9gag tag...

[–]emocol 1 point2 points ago

REPOST!

[–]Deaths111Head 3 points4 points ago

This popped up on your news feed and you thought there's no way this was on Reddit yet.

[–]thisguy1111 0 points1 point ago

Fuck yeah, another anti-cop post, keep it upppppppppppp circlejerk

[–]_himynameismike 0 points1 point ago

Ah yes, Anaheim. Home to about zero black people.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

cool cop Carl. Fucking doing it wrong

[–]restlessj 0 points1 point ago

This fat fuck looks like Dana White.

[–]tomdarch 0 points1 point ago

... and then arrest the room for disturbing the peace and resisting arrest.

[–]tommy2fingers 0 points1 point ago

There's no way in hell this guy could catch me on foot.

[–]SickSalamander 0 points1 point ago

"Change that lightbulb, citizen."

[–]thedevilsdictionary 0 points1 point ago

Funny. /r/Funny

[–]MisaDarling 0 points1 point ago

My dad's a cop. No lulz.

[–]lorax108 -1 points0 points ago

you should tell to stop beating you.

[–]MisaDarling 0 points1 point ago

I lold only because you didnt spell it right. Okies ill tell *him to stop beating me. But what about all the pepper spray!? D:

[–]pilvlp 0 points1 point ago

[–]catsbaconronpaul 0 points1 point ago

It may be a repost, but it's the bravest repost there is

[–]NanoGeek -1 points0 points ago

Tired joke is tired.

[–]Xondroz[!] -1 points0 points ago

How many cops does it take to stop morons re-posting this picture?

[–]hoobsher -1 points0 points ago

[–]jfletcherp -4 points-3 points ago

FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD: FWD: LOL! I can't wait until r/funny is actually funny again.

[–]HellHaven -1 points0 points ago

In reality though, if you take a drive through the ghetto you can probably arrest any given person on the street and charge them with some kind of felony.

[–]donutsalad -2 points-1 points ago

And this just popped up on my reddit! Better make a post about it.

[–]Jmac91 -1 points0 points ago

I saw this like 2 days ago, wtf how does it get to the front page again? Fuuu

[–]FelineTamer -1 points0 points ago

same with me

[–]Jec125 -1 points0 points ago

Down vote for the repost.

[–]theo313 -4 points-3 points ago

How many white people does it take to change a light bulb? One to hold the light bulb and the rest to screw the rest of the world.

[–]hassenbinlaid -2 points-1 points ago

repost from just last week.

guilty as charged, though. i posted that on facebook when I saw it too.

[–]lorax108 -2 points-1 points ago

hahahahahah fuck pigs

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]MACHETE_HEADSHAVE 5 points6 points ago

Why would you have posted this in WTF? This sure as fuck does not belong in WTF.