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454
455

The first thing I would do if I had a Portal gun [FIXED] (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Sharkson

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[–]MadMan920 41 points42 points ago

The real question is, would you swallow?

[–]Trapped_in_Reddit 67 points68 points ago

It would be rude not to.

[–]Haddadios 17 points18 points ago

Why would you disappoint yourself!

[–]mister11th 0 points1 point ago

...after you played with it

[–]britishNIGGA 63 points64 points ago

PEE IN YO MOUTH?? FOOL, DAS NASTAY

[–]l_mcpoyle 4 points5 points ago

yeah but it's sterile and he likes the taste.

[–]LaunchGap 0 points1 point ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4jhLaGhXwg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[–]H3NRYVILLALTA 0 points1 point ago

I spent 20 minutes watching that. What the actual duck.

[–]Littleabby12 0 points1 point ago

Ew. There are so many toxins in urin.

[–]Glazastik -5 points-4 points ago

DODGEBALL

[–]retrospects -3 points-2 points ago

If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball...

[–]Cavejohnson84 20 points21 points ago

http://www.dorkly.com/video/19873/wish-i-had-a-portal-gun-aperture-science-rap

Did I do this correct?

[–]StumpHarvey 12 points13 points ago

NOW you're thinking with portals!

[–]GiveMeBackMySon 18 points19 points ago

Would I do that?

[–]atx0110 4 points5 points ago

34 and a halfing. nniiccceeee.

[–]mrfancyhat 7 points8 points ago

FINALLY! I CAN ZIP UP MY PANTS AT EYE LEVEL.

[–]NoOneLikesAnchovies 4 points5 points ago

This is how it's done

[–]Para_Salin 14 points15 points ago

Bear Grylls? Is that you?!?

[–]Olliesful 9 points10 points ago

I've heard a joke before regarding this. It went something like this.

Pleasuring yourself doesn't work because any pleasure you many receive from the knowledge that there is a mouth on your penis is completely canceled by the fact there is a penis in your mouth.

[–]Deathtiny 19 points20 points ago

I'm pretty sure most men are fine with having a hand on their penis while that penis is in their hand.

[–]Olliesful 4 points5 points ago

It's a compromise so that I may think rationally for another day.

[–]ADM_Nelson 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, but you don't feel a penis as much in your hand. You feel it in your mouth. Every part of it.

[–]ImmaRoxiStar 0 points1 point ago

Umm how many... nevermind.

[–]CakeCatSheriff 0 points1 point ago

I don't mean to whore karma from the same comment in last two hours, but I feel like it needs to be said: Having penis in your hand is just necessary evil that men have to deal with if they want to get any pleasure alone most of the time.

While sucking your dick doesn't feel like getting a BJ, it feels like sucking cock.

[–]BigMike0228 11 points12 points ago

Any which way you cut it, you're still sucking a dick.

[–]quantumbiologist 43 points44 points ago

Then you're still giving a guy a handjob when you masturbate.

[–]TwinkiePinkie 5 points6 points ago

Eww, a guy's penis is touching my leg!

[–]BigMike0228 0 points1 point ago

I have no words sir. Touche

[–]Jmac91 0 points1 point ago

I usually don't think 'oh yeah baby stroke that cock' when I masturbate, usually focused on porn. I don't see why someone would like sucking their own dick, they would only be thinking of the cock in their mouth.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Jmac91 0 points1 point ago

I know it's there but I'm thinking of my fantasy or the porn I'm watching. It would be hard to fantasize about sexy bitches while having a cock in your mouth

[–]buttercup_mauler -1 points0 points ago

Just remember that when a woman is give you a blow job. All we can think about is how we have a cock in our mouth.

[–]ercstlkr 2 points3 points ago

Also helpful when checking for crabs.

[–]Dapwell 2 points3 points ago

Way to give credit to the person who posted this in the comments of the original.

[–]ShadowSkill 2 points3 points ago

Sure would make shaving my balls easier.

[–]chinkpak 1 point2 points ago

Auto-fellatio!

[–]Septik_aydz 2 points3 points ago

Wanna know how I know your gay...?

[–]ImmaRoxiStar 1 point2 points ago

Wow, I have been on reddit too long the first thing I thought to do was correct your grammar. Here is an upvote and I will show myself out.

[–]Septik_aydz 0 points1 point ago

if it was me... i would have corrected my grammer... you sir, have my vote for your honesty.

[–]Tuqa 2 points3 points ago

We were all thinking it

[–]cake_my_day 8 points9 points ago

Just speak for yourself...

[–]hawaiikawika 1 point2 points ago

The first thing you would do is make it so you could put a wiener in your mouth?? That is kinda messed up

[–]Wec4evar2 15 points16 points ago

YOUR wiener. So it's technically masturbation.

[–]ericleeparker 1 point2 points ago

I used to be able to put the tip of my wiener in my mouth when i was younger. It was great. I'm thinking about going on a diet so I can do it again.

[–]pelton123 0 points1 point ago

I don't remember where I saw this, but it was a Ron Jeremy quote about how he used to be able to perform autofellatio when he was younger, but he couldn't now due to his cheeseburger diet-induced large stomach. Just goes to show: cheeseburger > giving yourself a blowjob.

[–]ImmaRoxiStar 0 points1 point ago

Relevant NSFW of course

[–]cursivereaction 1 point2 points ago

would you be considered gay if you like to do this? same way if you have a siamese twin, would it be considered incest if you masturbate?

[–]Trapped_in_Reddit 12 points13 points ago

Relevant

[–]TwinkiePinkie 1 point2 points ago

I knew that they obviously weren't connected, but I was not expecting that ending.

[–]JeffersonSmith 2 points3 points ago

It would be Twincest.

[–]Its_Phobos 2 points3 points ago

No, you'd just be masturbating with your face.

[–]atlanticblue 2 points3 points ago

GAAAAAAAAAAAY

[–]anthren 0 points1 point ago

gay

[–]snarkster5k 0 points1 point ago

Doesn't matter, have portal gun.

[–]livelavalauren 0 points1 point ago

is it bad that I knew EXACTLY what this would be before I opened it? oh reddit....

[–]donutsalad 0 points1 point ago

You forgot to say no homo.

[–]irishdef 0 points1 point ago

International prostitutes.

[–]4realthistime 0 points1 point ago

Freud would have something to chime in about this....

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

False. A portal is your full body length. Unless the heroine of the game was a midget, you couldn't... ಠ_ಠ

[–]DrPepperNozzle 3 points4 points ago

Shoot the portal sideways.

[–]Iminurcomputer 0 points1 point ago

This at 1:47 says it a little better

[–]GrownManNaked 0 points1 point ago

that made my day...

[–]Chester_Copperpot_ 0 points1 point ago

OLD JOKE IS OLD.

[–]ImmaRoxiStar 0 points1 point ago

if you close your eyes and pretend you wont need a portal gun, just a gay lover willing to 69.

[–]kabukistar 0 points1 point ago

Obligatory

[–]Red_Woody -2 points-1 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/22eVX.jpg

[–]Eat_Cats 0 points1 point ago

At first I LOL'd,

and then I was like...I need to make a portal gun now!

[–]original-finder -2 points-1 points ago

Original Submission (98%): The first thing I would do if I had a Portal gun. [D]

Posted: 4h before this post by Gorillaz2189 (fixed by Sharkson)

This comment generated by an automated bot. Is this match wrong?

[–]Holyzone -1 points0 points ago

So gay.

[–]IBGxGrip -1 points0 points ago

You would smell your belly button?

[–]chaotic_thundergod -1 points0 points ago

you don't need a portal gun if you are this guy [NSFW]

[–]login2register -3 points-2 points ago

GAY!!!!

[–]jonasperrin -1 points0 points ago

Even if that is your own dick, it's still gay.

[–]Betanut -1 points0 points ago

Gay? or masturbation?

[–]Eymou -2 points-1 points ago

Gaaaaaaaay!

[–]Gravity_Cube -3 points-2 points ago

Well.. You sir must be a homosexual.

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