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all 196 comments

[–]GeneticAlgorithm 155 points156 points ago

And now everyone here tries to reassure themselves that one of their friends is a dickhead.

[–]sybert 48 points49 points ago

I'm pretty sure it's me... what do I do now?

[–]TheAnarchitect 18 points19 points ago

You have to keep being the dickhead. If you don't, someone else in your friend circle will have to pick up the slack. There's always one dickhead, you see. If it's not you, then it has to be someone else. You'd basically be forcing someone else to be a dick. That's a pretty dick move on your part.

[–]feureau 28 points29 points ago

As I understand it, chronic assholery either gets you shunned from society, like me, or if you have quite a charm to distort reality, you become the next Steve Jobs.

[–]solarnexus 17 points18 points ago

So I still have a chance!

wipes tears away and builds something

[–]MySperm 0 points1 point ago

build a zombie fort!

[–]Swizardrules 2 points3 points ago

Or you get the girls.

[–]Todomanna 2 points3 points ago

Buy ice cream for all of your friends.

[–]keozen 4 points5 points ago

Ahh the Kimi approach (high five for anyone who gets this reference)

[–]sybert 1 point2 points ago

I bought people milkshakes once, does that count?

[–]black_house 2 points3 points ago

Did it bring the boys to the yard?

[–]Watsons 1 point2 points ago

Can you teach me?

[–]hoolegr 2 points3 points ago

I think He'd have to charge

[–]pnogg 1 point2 points ago

It's okay. You hate because you love. If you're charming enough, being a dickhead can even work to your advantage.

[–]Xujhan 0 points1 point ago

Verified.

[–]17Hongo 0 points1 point ago

Become a media giant. Worked for Rupert Murdoch.

[–]jvargaszabo 0 points1 point ago

Same here. I think admitting it is the first step, and just sticking to it without crossing too far into it is all you can do.

[–]mathazar 5 points6 points ago

I used to hang out with dickheads. Then a few years ago, I started removing them from my group of friends. Now there are none left. Does that make me a dickhead?

[–]imnickhello 2 points3 points ago

You have to make everything complicated!

[–]baddev 0 points1 point ago

Yes

[–]CookyM0nster 5 points6 points ago

Or that they have friends.

[–]grahamfreeman 0 points1 point ago

No, one of your friends are a dickhead.

Didn't you read the text on the picture?

[–]montse246 36 points37 points ago

Hahaha... wait.. I have no friends :(

[–]feureau 4 points5 points ago

Well, if none of your non-existing friend is a dickhead...

[–]bastardman 6 points7 points ago

All my non-existing friends are dickheads

[–]Username_Reference 0 points1 point ago

[–]tekhnephile 2 points3 points ago

Have no friends => Everyone is a dickhead to you => Everyone is your friend

MFW

[–]ToastmahGhost 60 points61 points ago

I forget which comedian it was, but there was one who did a similar joke. "In every group of friends there's always one person that nobody likes. And if you're sitting there and you're like "Mm-mm I disagree" WELL YOU'RE THE PERSON!!

[–]DKSbobblehead 90 points91 points ago

It's Dane Cook.

[–]ToastmahGhost 134 points135 points ago

i guess it wasn't a comedian who said it then.

[–]Mr_Po 4 points5 points ago

Looks like we got a funny guy in here

[–]DrXenu 3 points4 points ago

i still dont forgive you for your previous blunder...

[–]feureau -1 points0 points ago

Bad Xenu, Down! Xenu! Down!!!

[–]awesomemonger 1 point2 points ago

That's Doctor Xenu to you

[–]flinteastwood 1 point2 points ago

Don't let Dr. Xenu fool you, he's just a dentist

[–]benstillerfagget69 0 points1 point ago

It's Dane Cook

[–]smel_bert 0 points1 point ago

It's okay, he didn't say it first.

[–]successful_brown_man -1 points0 points ago

Soo brave.

[–]calfonso 12 points13 points ago

And soon will come all the unneeded hatred of Dane Cook for existing. ಠ_ಠ

[–]sybert 12 points13 points ago

Why does reddit hate Dane Cook?

[–]calfonso 38 points39 points ago

It's part of the hivemind mentality. Louis CK is the one comedian who reddit has to love unconditionally (I've actually liked his stuff for a while now, I don't blame them for thinking he's hilarious) and Dane Cook just takes the brunt of their negativity. While he may not be the funniest comedian, I do like his shows, and he's gotten much better/darker. He's always been good at presentation, though, which is why he got so popular to begin with. They then hated him for plagiarizing from Louis CK, supposedly, but this was recently addressed in an episode of Louis where Louis actually meets up with Dane, and they discuss the accusation from a few years back.

In short, it's the same reason /r/atheism despises christianity, rather than talk about atheism. He's not an ostensibly BAD person or bad comedian in any sense, but he's the one they picked to hate.

[–]hivemind6 14 points15 points ago

And in that Louis episode, Dane Cook actually explained his position pretty well. He has hours and hours of material that nobody thinks is stolen. Why would he risk losing his credibility by stealing jokes from other comedians that ultimately only made up a tiny fraction of his routines? A lot of people have a lot of jokes about the same topics. It's natural that they'll develop jokes that are similar. I believe him that it was just a coincidence.

The problem is that everyone likes to hate the big guy. Dane Cook got so extremely popular, so quickly, that it's our instinct to start hating him. Comedians resented his success, and fans of comedy got sick of seeing his face and hearing his jokes all the time.

The same exact thing would happen to Louis CK if he didn't manage to successfully lock in the image of being the perpetual underdog, despite being a household name now.

Personally I love them both. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a fan of Dane Cook. I don't care if that makes comedy snobs think less of me. His newer material is great. He's evolving as a comedian.

[–]lawofmurphy 5 points6 points ago

I listened to an interview with Louis CK where he said he wrote all of Dane's lines for that episode. Not that it takes away from the overall point, but it's worth noting at least.

I agree that his quick rise along with being one of the first comedians to find success through the internet resulted in a severe backlash.

[–]austeregrim 2 points3 points ago

Just like that, I realized that every joke that can be told, has been thought up by someone before.

[–]120110-imsdal 0 points1 point ago

It's all memetics and convergent evolution.

edit: The first paragraph anyway...

[–]Grape_Accusations -4 points-3 points ago

`*~*`lyk dis if u cry evertim`*~*`

[–]Xujhan 3 points4 points ago

Now, was the hivemind-esque jab at r/atheism supposed to be a subtle illustration of your point? If it was: well played.

[–]will_holmes -3 points-2 points ago

Eh, I don't think so. Hivemind-esque jabs imply that the person making it doesn't have reason to make the jab other than the fact that other people are doing it. Calfonso gave a reason for the jab.

[–]Xujhan 0 points1 point ago

I'm sure the people who make fun of Dane Cook feel they're justified too.

[–]bobosuda 3 points4 points ago*

It's actually sort of insulting to users of reddit to say that a comedian that's almost universally panned by critics and that A LOT of people don't enjoy at all are only hated because of the "hivemind". I know I disliked Dane Cook long before I discovered reddit, and he is not a good or funny comedian at all. Also, I never heard about this "plagiarized Louis CK" thing, so I can assure you at least I don't dislike him because of that.

[–]SlightlyAmbiguous 1 point2 points ago

and he is not a good or funny comedian at all.

Says who? You and your superior sense of humor? He has sold out shows filled with people laughing their asses off.

[–]bobosuda 5 points6 points ago

Uh, I never said he was objectively unfunny or bad. When someone says they dislike a comedian and they don't think he is funny, then naturally that is their opinion; I'm not claiming to speak for anyone but myself.

No one can deny the fact that a lot of people don't like Dane Cook, though, so all I'm saying is don't blame it on the "hivemind" when he is pretty controversial as far as liking/not liking him goes.

[–]CrackedPepper86 0 points1 point ago

Gallagher sold out shows, too. So does Nickleback. American Idol was one of the highest rated shows on television.

Get the picture?

[–]calfonso 0 points1 point ago

Gallagher? Like Noel Gallagher? WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT AGAINST NOEL GALLAGHER?

[–]SlightlyAmbiguous 0 points1 point ago

Yes, I do. Entertainment is subjective and just because some people don't enjoy something doesn't make that thing terrible and just because you don't like something does not make your opinions superior.

[–]CrackedPepper86 -1 points0 points ago

Likewise, sir. Likewise.

[–]bobosuda -1 points0 points ago

No one has claimed their opinion is superior to anyone, stop creating a strawman argument.

[–]sybert 1 point2 points ago

Thanks, sometimes I fall behind in what reddit hates.

[–]Sindital 2 points3 points ago

Gotta keep up with the trends, my boy.

[–]PtP_Pluto 0 points1 point ago

To combat that problem just think they hate it until proven otherwise. It has worked for me so far...

[–]DOWNVOTE_OWNED 0 points1 point ago

best post ever made redittors r big time dumies

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]elitexero 3 points4 points ago

Dane Cook takes 12 extremely similar sentences to explain what can easily be done in one.

[–]Grape_Accusations 0 points1 point ago

I could stand there, and tell the funniest story ever, but if I am bland and monotone, it sucks. The only issue with dane cook, is the delivery that gets old if you start to pay attention to it more than the jokes themselves. If you can sit their and concentrate on that, it's going to be the same with every comedian you watch, because their job is mostly acting.

[–]VeteranKamikaze 1 point2 points ago

I can't speak for everyone but personally the whole "not funny" thing does it for me.

[–]DKSbobblehead 8 points9 points ago

Or someone else said it and then Dane Cook thought he said it first.

[–]Givants 3 points4 points ago

I've heard this joke from like 4 comedians just different variations

[–]Grape_Accusations 1 point2 points ago

  1. Dane Cook

  2. Dane Cook(Pre-Op)

  3. Guy in this post

That's 3 of them.

[–]Givants 0 points1 point ago

I can't remover the other 2 but shoemaker is definitely one of them.

[–]p3n1x 0 points1 point ago

which means the joke was stolen then...

[–]rogersmith25 0 points1 point ago

I'm not surprised - what an inelegant way to make the same joke.

[–]Likonium 9 points10 points ago

I hate Karen...

[–]Beignet 5 points6 points ago

God! Karen, she's such a doucheb- oh hey Kaaaaaaaarrren!

[–]EutecticPants 0 points1 point ago

Karen is always a bag of douche.

[–]Katbusnumber9 2 points3 points ago

Every group has a "Karen"

[–]VodoSioskBaas 0 points1 point ago

One rare instance I'll stand behind Dane Cook.

[–]oddurs 0 points1 point ago

Pretty similar to a bit by Jimmy Carr.

[–]DJWanger 0 points1 point ago

I think every comedian I have listened to has a variation of this joke... does no one think its a bit over done?

[–]drummerx357 0 points1 point ago

This is where I first heard it too, but I'm sure of the chronology. Maybe all three of them stole it from the real creator.

[–]CrackedPepper86 0 points1 point ago

I've heard so many comedians do so many variations on this. It's such a hacky and unoriginal joke.

[–]OrnateFreak 31 points32 points ago

It's Katie and Emily's dad!

[–]nawkuh 12 points13 points ago

Don't get fit, get Fitch!

[–]OrnateFreak 2 points3 points ago

I can't upvote enough! I love that show!

...the American remake sucks so much dick.

[–]eddhall 2 points3 points ago

The british version sucked after season 3, and 3 wasn't even that good...

[–]LikesGirls 2 points3 points ago

3 and 4 were worth it for Emily and Naomi.

[–]OrnateFreak 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, Emily and Naomi were awesome. I'll admit, I cried a little at the end of 4. :P

Cook made it all worth it for me. The last like 5 minutes of Series 4 I was just screaming "AWW SHIT, COOK!! AWW SHIT, COOK!!" at my TV...

[–]OrnateFreak 0 points1 point ago

You kidding? The ending of Season [Series] 4 was worth watching all of Season 3 and 4...

[–]dollydaggers 9 points10 points ago

In the UK there is a charity event called Sport Relief, in which John Bishop spent a "week of Hell" and raised over 1 million pounds for charity

http://www.sportrelief.com/whats-on/celebrity-challenges/bishops-week-of-hell

[–]pioneertothefalls 14 points15 points ago

Anyone else read this in Scouse?

[–]halftone84 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, I nearly brought up my dinner having to keep saying "dichchchchchchcchchead" !

[–]n3hima 21 points22 points ago

I couldn't help but read this in his accent...

[–]Mutekid 2 points3 points ago

Man alive! That Dane Cook gets me everytime!

[–]vVvMaze 7 points8 points ago

So that's where Dane cook stole that from

[–]Evanderson -1 points0 points ago

Well he obviously didn't make it up. It's way too funny for that.

[–]jCcrackhead 1 point2 points ago

…what if we're all assholes?

[–]EpicJ 0 points1 point ago

[–]zublits 1 point2 points ago

I have one friend. He's a dickhead.

[–]the_snook 1 point2 points ago

If you sit down at a poker game and don't see a sucker, get up; you're the sucker.

[–]MrMackay 1 point2 points ago

But all of my friends are dickheads!

[–]f03nix 1 point2 points ago

What if you don't have a friend ? :|

[–]konydanza 1 point2 points ago

what if all of my friends are dickheads?

[–]phattmatt 1 point2 points ago

[–]NosferatuHeftyDance 1 point2 points ago

This joke is over used by comedians.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Ripping off Dane Cook? Double downvote.

[–]Lazorbadger 4 points5 points ago

I am full hartedly the dick and I regret nothing.

[–]BertrandLoganberry 0 points1 point ago

Then who is the head?

[–]PastorOfMuppets94 2 points3 points ago

Who is this charming man?

[–]n3hima 22 points23 points ago

His name is John Bishop, he's a British comedian :)

[–]nerdgolfer 11 points12 points ago

Funny how the Pastor didnt know who the Bishop was :D

[–]BertrandLoganberry 6 points7 points ago

*Scouse comedian.

[–]elsparx 1 point2 points ago

Are you a scouser? My dad is and he's constantly telling me he's not English, he's scouse.

[–]Xixii 11 points12 points ago

Funny, because the rest of England says that about scousers too.

[–]MrBeary[S] 0 points1 point ago

Im offended :(

[–]Shaddaaaaaapp 8 points9 points ago

They are a shady breed.

[–]EpicJ 2 points3 points ago

[–]ComplainyGuy 2 points3 points ago

I have seen this joke used 50 times. "slut" "dickhead" "idiot" "annoying one"

[–]Deddan 0 points1 point ago

Yeah. Obviously, a well used joke can still be funny, depending on delivery and so forth, but many people in this thread saying John stole it from Dane Cook, or vice versa.. I think it's pretty old.

[–]wolfshadow3001 1 point2 points ago

it isn't just 1 friend who is a dickhead, we all are in our own ways.

[–]Meersbrook 2 points3 points ago

The Bish is a legend

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I love how reddit hates all day on Dane Cook... yet when a comedian using the exact same joke as him is posted... TO THE FRONT PAGE WITH YOU!

btw, I personally think Dane Cooks delivery/joke is way better on this.

[–]tryshapepper 0 points1 point ago

Who's that guy?

[–]Viurlence 7 points8 points ago

John Bishop

[–]Likonium 0 points1 point ago

What if your group of friends had a dickhead, and he was so much a dickhead, that we just told him off?

[–]RickDicolus 0 points1 point ago

A new dickhead will arise to fill in the dickhead-vacuum created by your proactive behavior.

[–]SonOfSatan 0 points1 point ago

Shit, I think I'm a dickhead.

[–]GarenBushTerrorist 0 points1 point ago

In my case, every one of my friends were dickheads. And then I left highschool.

[–]Belfunk 0 points1 point ago

I have heard a variation of this joke. In each group of friends, there is always someone that everyone picks on and makes fun of. If you cant think who that is in your group, it's you. I cant remember who came up with it...

[–]patdagod -2 points-1 points ago

I think it was Jo Caulfield. She did it on Live at the Apollo.

[–]TheeFlipper 0 points1 point ago

I pretty much read this and said "Oh, so me?" It's cool, I can live with it.

[–]mpxx24 0 points1 point ago

most of my friends are dickheads <win?>

[–]CaptainExtravaganza 0 points1 point ago

I've known this about myself for a very long time but I don't care because I enjoy myself too much. That's how I know it's true.

[–]YaSu288 0 points1 point ago

It's like after hearing "1 in 2 people are female!". You point to a friend and start accusing them of being female.

[–]ivdo 0 points1 point ago

Funny but Stupid... your friends make your world.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Aliens.

[–]Mouth_Full_Of_Dry 0 points1 point ago

That person is me. We're all cool with it. Sometimes there is shit only I can accomplish and I take my job seriously.

[–]bryanosaurus 0 points1 point ago

Similarly, if you think the majority of your friends are dickheads...

[–]jWalkerFTW 0 points1 point ago

Who is this?

[–]kitd 0 points1 point ago

John Bishop, UK comedian. Apparently he's very funny but I can't understand a word he says.

[–]TehMost 0 points1 point ago

Fuuuuckkkkkk meeeeee.

[–]user570 0 points1 point ago

That last panel needs to be vectorized and gifted to F7U12.

[–]hoolegr 0 points1 point ago

What if they all are? Including myself? Do we win a prize?

[–]17Hongo 0 points1 point ago

John Bishop: seriously awesome.

[–]AdmanUK 0 points1 point ago

God I love John Bishop.

[–]skytro 0 points1 point ago

HA, I don't have friends!... wait...

[–]pauletta1728 0 points1 point ago

so is this where dane cook got his joke? "fuckin brian"

[–]fykusfire 0 points1 point ago

I've seen the same joke about getting Steve McKenna'd. Actually, it was Steve McKenna that told it.

[–]Truck_Thunders 0 points1 point ago

I've got a dickhead friend, but I am also kind of a dickhead...

[–]ForIvadell 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure that all of my friends and I are dickheads.

[–]Timmac 0 points1 point ago

Every group of freinds needs at least-

A dickhead

A brown

An idiot

A (possibly not actually) gay

[–]pcc1212 0 points1 point ago

this was stolen from dane cook

[–]BongGyver 0 points1 point ago

i remember when dane cook did this joke.

[–]lalondtm 0 points1 point ago

Dane Cook said this joke about 10 years ago. Now I've heard it from this guy, and the other UK comedian Jimmy Carr. Not saying Cook said it first, but obviously 2 people can't write their own material.

[–]iLuVtiffany[!] 0 points1 point ago

Thinking about my high school/college days. There is always that one guy in the group which everyone loves to hate. I don't know why this happens.

[–]temetys1 0 points1 point ago

this is the first time my dickhead friend is usefull. ಠ_ಠ

[–]ICGraham 0 points1 point ago

thats me!

[–]rastashark 0 points1 point ago

ROB FITCH FITNESS

[–]humpcat 0 points1 point ago

But... But... All my friends are dickheads

[–]gliscameria 0 points1 point ago

This joke is so tired.

You know how in every large group of friend there's that one child molester? Oh, you don't? Well...

It's retarded.

[–]TurboNoobie1994 0 points1 point ago

And then Dane Cook stole that joke

[–]AtomicDeaths 0 points1 point ago

The first, second, and fourth picture look like he's fondling invisible boobs. Just saying.

[–]Little-Nicky-lover 0 points1 point ago

John Bishop is awesome.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

One? Try most of my friends.

[–]buttersauce 0 points1 point ago

All of my friends are dickheads... including me.

[–]gnarlysaurus 0 points1 point ago

The other day I was thinking about how there are no real assholes where I work, and that it might be me. Then I saw this post.

[–]j1r2n3k 0 points1 point ago

Looks like John Bishop has been watching some Jimmy Carr...

[–]antisocial84 0 points1 point ago

My OH is Albanian and understands John Bishop's accent better than any other English speaking accent. How weird is that?

[–]PressAForAcorn 0 points1 point ago

Why would i be friends with any dickheads?

[–]scrunci 0 points1 point ago

Hah! I don't have any friends. Checkmate!

[–]Wreckshoptimus 0 points1 point ago

God, this jokes been done too many times. Hacky shit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

..fuck

[–]KillerBYTE 0 points1 point ago

that awkward moment....

[–]albatrossnecklassftw 1 point2 points ago

Guys... I just realized I'm the dickhead of my group of friends...

[–]fidelay 0 points1 point ago

Who is this comedian?

[–]bryanosaurus 2 points3 points ago

John Bishop!

[–]fidelay 0 points1 point ago

Thank you!

[–]SirPepperMint 0 points1 point ago

Jokes on you, I have no friends.

[–]bharnett 0 points1 point ago

Wow, old joke I originally heard from Dane Cook back in 02...

[–]mojowitchcraft -1 points0 points ago

So did he steal this from dane cook or did dane cook steal it from him? Dickheads.

[–]blzngwntr -1 points0 points ago

So this is where Dane Cook got THAT joke.

[–]GreenSage45 -4 points-3 points ago

My thoughts too! But which actually came first?

[–]coleosis1414 -5 points-4 points ago

Either this guy stole this joke from Dane Cook, or vice versa. Either way, the two are far too similar to be acceptable.

[–]photoinduced -1 points0 points ago

transcribed from the original "auncjna ewnfkjcvn jkldnc mnr;vnrsnvjse;v vsenjvbs;rjvsvvbrgvrbeg AHAHAHA"

[–]DaTScientisT -2 points-1 points ago

I'm the dickhead. Realized that long ago. Too far in to change now.

[–]helalo -2 points-1 points ago

im the dickhead ? :(

[–]RockemSockemBrobots -2 points-1 points ago

Every time someone says something like this right away I think to myself "Fuck it i'm the dickhead" and then I kind of feel bad but then I remember "Oh yea, I don't give a shit" call me what you will but i'm a jerk and I think i'm ok with that.

[–]engibeer-me -2 points-1 points ago

I hate to say it but this guy ripped off Dane Cook. Sad

[–]ihuha -3 points-2 points ago

i am not my own friend. SSTUPID. kk im the dickhead. fuck.

[–]NoobisPrime -3 points-2 points ago

Oh good Dane Cook stole this joke too.