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all 169 comments

[–]pccrooks 123 points124 points ago

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I hope dolphins become the new cats.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 49 points50 points ago

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We'll just have to wait a few years for the world to flood itself.

[–]seditious_commotion 21 points22 points ago

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Oh don't worry. Someone already half flooded a house and lived with one to see if humans and dolphins could form a relationship.

Margaret Howe

[–]Anus_Blender 19 points20 points ago

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Aren't dolphins rather rapey?

[–]seditious_commotion 40 points41 points ago

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Apparently, yes.

"As time passed, it became clear that Peter didn’t want a mom; he wanted a girlfriend. The dolphin became uninterested in his lessons, and he started wooing Margaret by nibbling at her feet and legs. When his advances weren’t reciprocated, Peter got violent. He started using his nose and flippers to hit Margaret’s shins, which quickly became bruised. For a while, she wore rubber boots and carried a broom to fight off Peter’s advances. When that didn’t work, she started sending him out for conjugal visits with other dolphins. But the research team grew worried that if Peter spent too much time with his kind, he’d forget what he’d learned about being human.

Before long, Peter was back in the house with Margaret, still attempting to woo her. But this time, he changed his tactics. Instead of biting his lady friend, he started courting her by gently rubbing his teeth up and down her leg and showing off his genitals. Shockingly, this final strategy worked, and Margaret began rubbing the dolphin’s erection. Unsurprisingly, he became a lot more cooperative with his language lessons.

Discovering that a human could satisfy a dolphin’s sexual needs was the experiment’s biggest interspecies breakthrough. Dr. Lilly still believed that dolphins could learn to talk if given enough time, and he hoped to conduct a year-long study with Margaret and another dolphin. When the plans turned out to be too expensive, Lilly tried to get the dolphins to talk another way—by giving them LSD. And although Lilly reported that they all had “very good trips,” the scientist’s reputation in the academic community deteriorated. Before long, he’d lost federal funding for his research. " Source

[–]Hobbes4247791 36 points37 points ago

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Typical Reddit... It starts with watching a funny dolphin gif, it ends with a story about interspecies handjobs.

G'night, folks, I'm done.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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Hey, dolphins need lovin' too, man.

[–]sprz 1 point2 points ago

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But they gotta pay.

[–]RABIDX 0 points1 point ago

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Is that how you got your username?

[–]masinmancy 3 points4 points ago

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"Handjobs for Dolphins" would be a great band name.

[–]Pseudo-Relevant_XKCD 2 points3 points ago

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[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

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I wish you luck on your new novelty account, and issue you your first downvote.

[–]cefriano 2 points3 points ago

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I ran across some blog not too long ago where this dude described in detail how to best have sex with a dolphin. Or maybe it was a woman. I don't remember. It was pretty disturbing, though.

[–]Anus_Blender 3 points4 points ago

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I don't know what to say.

[–]GiantWhaleCannon 3 points4 points ago

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Depends on the dolphin. Like humans, some dolphins are real jerks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Every one of your posts.... has lots of upvotes ಠ_ಠ

[–]thesuspiciousone 23 points24 points ago

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Dolphins: Like cats, except with 200% more rape!

[–]funkyb 6 points7 points ago

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Now normally you only get 180% more rape, but let me talk to my manager for a minute over here. I think we can swing a little extra for you,

[–]recneps100 0 points1 point ago

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Cute as it was, both of those dolphins probably hurt really bad.
I'm sorry.

[–]Fatmop 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphins don't transmit toxoplasma to humans, so I doubt it.

[–]Karma_Hound 0 points1 point ago

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A Mid-air dolphin collision, its worse then it is with jets...

[–]mglennie 30 points31 points ago

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I really don't know why but this made me laugh a lot, probably cause you said boop and that's all I could think when I watched it over and over

[–]roger_pct 2 points3 points ago

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i'm right there with you.... (and my weakened sobriety)

[–]RGilly 0 points1 point ago

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I have never seen the word boop used in a way that hasn't made me laugh

[–]bengarrr -1 points0 points ago

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And the fact that, that nigga just got dolphin checked. Boop indeed

[–][deleted] 156 points157 points ago

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He did it on porpoise.

[–]yangx 12 points13 points ago

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Not a boop look like the poor guy got whaled on.

[–]Kenitzka 0 points1 point ago

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This kills the dolphin. Must be flippers evil twin.

[–]BSMitchell 1 point2 points ago

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Zipper! He's surly!

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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whale i'll be fucked he's right!

[–]Daibuoxx 3 points4 points ago

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I don't sea the humor in this pun. It's a fin joke and all, but it's a little overboard.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]IPuntGnomes -2 points-1 points ago

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It's a dolphin.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you, Captain Obvious.

[–]Esparno 10 points11 points ago

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Shortly after

"Damnit Larry, get it together!"

[–]nextwiggin4 70 points71 points ago

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It looks funny, but a hit of that force to that region of the dolphin would most likely knock it out, resulting in it most likely drowning. Dolphins are very smart and are incredibly talented swimmers.

It's unlikely that this was a funny accident with no consequences. This was most likely a murder.

[–]traverlaw 14 points15 points ago*

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bullshit.

Oh wait, oops. I mean . . .

Skip it. I was right in the first place.

[–]MidnightTurdBurglar 30 points31 points ago

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Dolphin expert here. There's no way that was dolphin murder! It was at most involuntary dolphinslaughter.

[–]TeHSaNdMaNS 10 points11 points ago

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We have Motive, Means and opportunity. Let's see what his peers have to say.

[–]yangx 5 points6 points ago

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OBJECTION!

[–]funkyb 6 points7 points ago

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Overruled! Councilor, another outburst like that and I'll have you held in contempt of court and thrown into a trawling net! And not one of those fancy new ones that prioritize reducing by-catch!

[–]ProjectD13X 2 points3 points ago

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HOLD IT

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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"click-click, squeal".

That's a guilty, folks.

[–]FuckYouImFunny 3 points4 points ago

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Five years in the state Aquarium, he will be forced to undergo a Dolphin Show for rehabilitation.

[–]Lampmonster1 2 points3 points ago

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Whale biologist here. Your suit is lumpy and you smell bad.

[–]Uberche 8 points9 points ago

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You know in the playground during middle or high school when someone would walk up to someone and shot out "NUT SHOT!" and then punch the other guy in the groin? That's what this is. Dolphins can be dicks just like kids on the playground, but with more rape.

[–]VampireOnTitus 8 points9 points ago

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[–]Hyperdrunk 2 points3 points ago

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That was Debbie the Dolphin. She's such a drowner.

[–]bambambedrocks 0 points1 point ago

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No witnesses. The jury won't believe 2 dolphins out of the water.

[–]Melchoir 11 points12 points ago

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Now with bonus formatting thanks to the Share button!

title comnts points age /r/
1 fail. They never showed up again. 24coms 268pts 17dys funny
Dolphins Crash in air 19coms 117pts 1mo funny
Dolphins are dicks 1com -5pts 1mo gifs
Fail Trick 6coms 19pts 4mos funny
C-c-c-c-ombo breaker!! 161coms 654pts 6mos funny
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER 5coms 12pts 7mos pics
Dickhead Dolphin 82coms 508pts 9mos funny
C-C-C-Combo Breaker! [GIF] 302coms 2067pts 1yr funny
What a JERK! [Animated GIF] 171coms 652pts 1yr funny
Scumbag Whale 69coms 329pts 6mos funny
My favorite .gif 2coms 69pts 1mo funny
So long, and thanks for all the AOW FUCK!!! 77coms 904pts 2mos funny
SHO-RYU-KEN! 2coms 24pts 6mos funny

source: karmadecay

[–]leftsideofthelane 2 points3 points ago

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So by my observations you will get the most karma if you post it to /r/funny in 1 month.

[–]apullin 0 points1 point ago

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I prefer my way.

[–]suugakusha 2 points3 points ago

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[–]jdpwnsyou 0 points1 point ago

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Seriously, who hasn't seen this yet??

[–]Porndexter 5 points6 points ago

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Me.

[–]ChaosDesigned 0 points1 point ago

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Sorry PAL We don't all live on the internet scrounging for new content all day. This is the first I've seen of this and frankly I like it!

[–]CraineTwo -1 points0 points ago

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I've definitely seen this about a million times before (give or take almost a million), but I'm still upvoting because the "boop" put it in a whole new context that I actually lol'd at.

[–]xdisk 17 points18 points ago

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Dolphins are dicks.

[–]ranscot 16 points17 points ago

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They can be. I grew up on the beach and we had porpoises and dolphins. Dolphins were definitely more like cats, had a little wicked streak, porpoises acted like labs, big goofy and just happy to be there.

Luckily my home beach had no caves, so I don't know if the biggest rumor about Dolphin dicking around is true.

[–]yangx -1 points0 points ago

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iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg

[–]GrandMoffJed 0 points1 point ago

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I had the same thought. That was a power move.

[–]ImsocoolLolemt -3 points-2 points ago

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Dolphins HAVE dicks FTFY

[–]xdisk 2 points3 points ago

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SOME dolphins have dicks, but I wasn't referring to anatomy.

[–]ImsocoolLolemt 2 points3 points ago

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Neither was I (if you know what I mean)

[–]NotTomMyers 1 point2 points ago

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"Because Fuck Steve."

[–]slayer8a 3 points4 points ago

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Spearing or bumping happens quite a bit on crowded waves with humans surfing and some not wanting to give the right of way to the inner most rider. I have to assume the dolphin that came from underneath was a local and speared the kook that hacked a previous wave.

[–]ThatsSoKafkaesque 2 points3 points ago

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best dolphin shoryuken yet.

[–]whiskeytango55 0 points1 point ago

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Dol-phin Uppercut!

[–]ineffablePMR 0 points1 point ago

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when will dolphins learn not to jump in like that

[–]splel_cechk_fwt 2 points3 points ago

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"Tag, you're it!"

[–]TricycleGang 4 points5 points ago

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Move bitch get out the way

[–]huzzy 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Lotenn 5 points6 points ago

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HAHA! 1st time for me! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!

[–]aryst0krat 7 points8 points ago

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That's what she said.

[–]ChaosDesigned 1 point2 points ago

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[–]BoiledEggs 6 points7 points ago

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Awkward dolphin flirting.

[–]DysthymicApple -1 points0 points ago

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Socially Awkward Dolphin. Can someone photoshop a dolphin onto the penguin meme?

[–]mtk88 1 point2 points ago

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[–]BrianWulfric 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like the Miami Dolphins next season.

[–]midnightsnacks 1 point2 points ago

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The force of that blow. He is definitely swimming with the fishes now.

[–]Faloran 1 point2 points ago

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God no! Birgirpal has begun riding dolphins!

[–]OrangeFu 1 point2 points ago

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There needs to be a website devoted to animals being dicks.

[–]nifftee_J 1 point2 points ago

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REPOST

[–]Ragnalypse 2 points3 points ago

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Truly Internet worthy - an animal falcon punching another animal into a barrel roll.

[–]Donalddude 1 point2 points ago

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But where's the cat?

[–]clp321 2 points3 points ago

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I mean reposts are fine but why less than a week after one was just posted?

[–]Ollikay 0 points1 point ago

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And with the same name. People aren't even trying anymore :(

[–]7000milestogo 0 points1 point ago

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I definitely said "boop" in a high pitched voice for about thirty seconds watching this .gif.

[–]Coveybong 0 points1 point ago

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Peace off.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I say, chap, excellent gif loop.

[–]chewtality 0 points1 point ago

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Intelligent mammals my ass

[–]newton101 0 points1 point ago

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Insert bitchy 'ive seen this on reddit a million times i should just go back to digg post'

[–]road_kill_ryan 0 points1 point ago

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Got him!

[–]KingTrashBag 0 points1 point ago

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If dolphins are so smart how come they keep getting caught in tuna nets?

[–]ranscot 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure those are the emo dolphins.

[–]Amori_A_Splooge 0 points1 point ago

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derp

[–]JackassPenguinass 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphins are such dicks...

[–]Almost_Ascended 0 points1 point ago

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doh!

[–]Jizzle11 0 points1 point ago

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That dolphin needs a troll face.

[–]8Eternity8 0 points1 point ago

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I instinctively thought boop having only seen the video and not the post title.

[–]shadowray 0 points1 point ago

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Similar to what happens between reports and original content lol :/

[–]Obamawantsyourweed 0 points1 point ago

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I cannot stop laughing. Is that bad?

[–]MNava86 0 points1 point ago

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boop is going to be the new reddit mantra for the next 5 weeks! mark my words.

[–]RFEngineer 0 points1 point ago

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Seeing this makes me glad I just bought a boat and live in Florida.

[–]roger_pct 0 points1 point ago

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this made my drunken self happy beyond measure.

[–]omplatt 0 points1 point ago

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Seems much less painful now that I associate this gif with "boop."

[–]gemmink 0 points1 point ago

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I hope they're alright!

[–]Sarah_Tonin 0 points1 point ago

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Just a cute setup to get you into the their dolphin rape cave

[–]DuckFace19 0 points1 point ago

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Dont know why, but my first thought was, "Dammit, Randy! You ruined it again!"

[–]stonedchao 0 points1 point ago

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so old

[–]Phallic 0 points1 point ago

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There needs to be "reddit junior" for all the teenagers that haven't seen this stuff before, or "reddit senior" so people like me can get away from this shit.

[–]Atrioventricular 0 points1 point ago

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God fucking DAMMIT Bigirpall, stop piloting dolphins.

[–]Uberche 0 points1 point ago

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There's a lot to love about Dolphins but what is most exciting I'd say is they have a very complex language and spend a lot of time chatting with each other. Scientists are now trying to study it to learn how to communicate with dolphins. That sounds so damn awesome.

[–]icamehereforthensfw 0 points1 point ago

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trollphin.. =D

[–]OCDMedic 0 points1 point ago

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SHORYUKEN!

[–]executivemonkey 0 points1 point ago

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That's how dolphins kill.

[–]cor64 0 points1 point ago

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Why is it so satisfying to look at?

[–]CheezeburgerTroll 0 points1 point ago

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I laughed harder then I should have at that

Edit: Grammar

[–]MintBCrunch 0 points1 point ago

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Well, that was quite a boop

[–]Ryugi 0 points1 point ago

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Awww poor thiiiiiiing

[–]yayapfool 0 points1 point ago

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oh my god this made me laugh more than anything in a long time...such a dolphderp, ah!

[–]zortnarftroz 0 points1 point ago

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Super Bad anyone? Or was I the only one?

[–]Earthief 0 points1 point ago

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Wheeeh Wheeeh OH GOD FUCK!

[–]Kodix 0 points1 point ago

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Shoryuken!

[–]zublits 0 points1 point ago

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boop

I don't think that means what you think it means.

[–]dunzie 0 points1 point ago

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I had a dream last night that I came on Reddit and seen a video of a dolphin jumping through the air but landing on a barbed wire fence and splitting in two.

[–]ScottiMcT 0 points1 point ago

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dolphins do stupid shit, too!

i feel better about myself... oddly.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And that's how Sally got rejected from Seaworld.

[–]SecondToNone 0 points1 point ago*

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Please let * boop * become a thing. This is awesome.

[–]pandamonium05 0 points1 point ago

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Birgirpall, you've gone too far. Not cool, bro.

[–]nova20 0 points1 point ago

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I think it's funnier if you add in sound effects:

Weeeee!
Weeeee!
DERP!

[–]infiniteart 0 points1 point ago

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Quick take her to the rape cave!

[–]tidux 0 points1 point ago

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Mario'd. BAH-DING!

[–]mcmeekin91 0 points1 point ago

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Most Violent Boop I've seen haha

[–]TheElie69 0 points1 point ago

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I wish i found this funny, but that poor dolphin is probably dead :'(

[–]IPuntGnomes 0 points1 point ago

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That dolphin died of internal bleeding.

[–]sexkills 0 points1 point ago

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Dolphin throat punch!

[–]elephantpoop 0 points1 point ago

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One thing I know about dolphins is that they are the only other species not human that have sex for pleasure. I learned this while doing a report about them in 7th grade and it stuck with me all these years.

[–]jackcalais 0 points1 point ago

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haha soooo goood

[–]Postmaster_G 0 points1 point ago

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Cool gif, glad they didn't get wasted by the prop!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Donalddude 4 points5 points ago

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If only original content was allowed, reddit would be a very empty place. Not everyone has seen this gif

[–]cmgw 0 points1 point ago

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I hadn't and am very glad that I did

that being said, things shouldn't be reposted within a certain time...

[–]Edvinasz 2 points3 points ago

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That's exactly my point. Plus, I saw this gif 3 days ago... It's not like its been a couple of months since I've seen, that's the reason I am saying not to repost so often. I swear to god, Reddit is becoming a dark place... Whatever you do, you will receive hate...

[–]ranscot -3 points-2 points ago

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There are no rules here. That's the only rule. Wait, except CP, keep that on 4Chan.

[–]ranscot -1 points0 points ago

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This REPOSTING circlejerk will run its course. It happened like 2 and 4 years ago, so about every 2 years we get White Knights of DONT REPOST ball up into a small user group. Don't worry it will pass like Splashy.

[–]written-reply -2 points-1 points ago

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[–]orly-OWL 1 point2 points ago

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Dear Novelty Account,

I am more interested in reading what's behind the paper.

[–]written-reply 4 points5 points ago

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[–]orly-OWL 1 point2 points ago

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Reddit needs to see this video before you are fully initiated as a legitimate novelty account. Please provide us with a link. Handwritten of course.

P.S.

Please take clearer pictures. All I can read is "in a world where a psychic master" and "Allied soldiers making pleas for assault".

[–]written-reply 1 point2 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This will not be a popular novelty account, I'm telling you that now.

[–]written-reply 2 points3 points ago

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[–]kraemahz 0 points1 point ago

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Perhaps you should try it this way instead and learn a new talent: ambidexterity!

[–]Drewu271 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure that's how they die.

[–]cmgw 0 points1 point ago

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D:

[–]Eyesandearsopen 0 points1 point ago

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Whoosh Whoosh Doh! Splud

[–]seeashbashrun -1 points0 points ago

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Well that rape attempt missed

[–]Craigdogg -1 points0 points ago

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Awesome vid!!!!!

[–]teh_deq -1 points0 points ago

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are those whales

[–]HarryBlotter 0 points1 point ago

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seriously?

[–]teh_deq 0 points1 point ago

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no whales are bigger

[–]HarryBlotter 0 points1 point ago

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no shit sherlock

[–]Neph55 -1 points0 points ago

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Totally unrelated news